hello where are you from I’ll Salvador and where are you from New
I’ll Salvador and where are you from New
I’ll Salvador and where are you from New York
York
York well how many of you are originally from
well how many of you are originally from
well how many of you are originally from someplace else and now you live here in
someplace else and now you live here in
someplace else and now you live here in Texas raise your hand oh okay all right
Texas raise your hand oh okay all right
Texas raise your hand oh okay all right well wherever you’re from
well wherever you’re from
well wherever you’re from welcome to Plano Texas imagine living
welcome to Plano Texas imagine living
welcome to Plano Texas imagine living here my hometown Detroit Michigan and
here my hometown Detroit Michigan and
here my hometown Detroit Michigan and you have the opportunity to live here
you have the opportunity to live here
you have the opportunity to live here and you want to choose this because it’s
and you want to choose this because it’s
and you want to choose this because it’s the safe thing to do it’s familiar even
the safe thing to do it’s familiar even
the safe thing to do it’s familiar even though it’s cold and miserable for six
though it’s cold and miserable for six
though it’s cold and miserable for six months of the year at least you know it
months of the year at least you know it
months of the year at least you know it and maybe more importantly people know
and maybe more importantly people know
and maybe more importantly people know you that was my choice in 2003 my
you that was my choice in 2003 my
you that was my choice in 2003 my husband came home from work one
husband came home from work one
husband came home from work one afternoon all excited and he said guess
afternoon all excited and he said guess
afternoon all excited and he said guess what honey
what honey
what honey Toyota offered me this great job and we
Toyota offered me this great job and we
Toyota offered me this great job and we have an opportunity to move to sunny
have an opportunity to move to sunny
have an opportunity to move to sunny Southern California what do you think I
Southern California what do you think I
Southern California what do you think I love change how fun is not what I said
love change how fun is not what I said
love change how fun is not what I said what I actually said was I’d rather cut
what I actually said was I’d rather cut
what I actually said was I’d rather cut off my right arm even though we always
off my right arm even though we always
off my right arm even though we always talked about moving someplace warm and
talked about moving someplace warm and
talked about moving someplace warm and sunny when I was actually faced with the
sunny when I was actually faced with the
sunny when I was actually faced with the reality of it I changed my mind I was
reality of it I changed my mind I was
reality of it I changed my mind I was born and raised in Michigan my husband
born and raised in Michigan my husband
born and raised in Michigan my husband and I were born in the same hospital we
and I were born in the same hospital we
and I were born in the same hospital we were baptized in the same church we were
were baptized in the same church we were
were baptized in the same church we were married in the church where we were
married in the church where we were
married in the church where we were baptized all my friends and family lived
baptized all my friends and family lived
baptized all my friends and family lived there my job that I loved was there I
there my job that I loved was there I
there my job that I loved was there I was not interested in leaving the
was not interested in leaving the
was not interested in leaving the comfort and familiarity of everything
comfort and familiarity of everything
comfort and familiarity of everything that I knew I felt like I had no good
that I knew I felt like I had no good
that I knew I felt like I had no good choice here
choice here
choice here California was great for a vacation I
California was great for a vacation I
California was great for a vacation I just didn’t want to move there my
just didn’t want to move there my
just didn’t want to move there my husband was so excited for this change
husband was so excited for this change
husband was so excited for this change and I could only imagine the impact on
and I could only imagine the impact on
and I could only imagine the impact on our marriage if I said no so I
our marriage if I said no so I
our marriage if I said no so I reluctantly said yes and off we went we
reluctantly said yes and off we went we
reluctantly said yes and off we went we moved this wonderful house near the
moved this wonderful house near the
moved this wonderful house near the beach so that my husband could be close
beach so that my husband could be close
beach so that my husband could be close to his new job and I could see the ocean
to his new job and I could see the ocean
to his new job and I could see the ocean every day when I woke up somehow
every day when I woke up somehow
every day when I woke up somehow thinking that would ease the pain of the
thinking that would ease the pain of the
thinking that would ease the pain of the move it didn’t
move it didn’t
move it didn’t I had no history there I had no
I had no history there I had no
I had no history there I had no community there and it seemed like a
community there and it seemed like a
community there and it seemed like a very real threat I had to find all new
very real threat I had to find all new
very real threat I had to find all new doctors I had to find new grocery stores
doctors I had to find new grocery stores
doctors I had to find new grocery stores I had to make all new friends but one of
I had to make all new friends but one of
I had to make all new friends but one of the hardest things for me was trying to
the hardest things for me was trying to
the hardest things for me was trying to find someone to do my hair ladies you
find someone to do my hair ladies you
find someone to do my hair ladies you know what I’m talking about
know what I’m talking about
know what I’m talking about and then I had to drive to all these new
and then I had to drive to all these new
and then I had to drive to all these new places in my car that didn’t have GPS
places in my car that didn’t have GPS
places in my car that didn’t have GPS and I was terrified I was gonna be lost
and I was terrified I was gonna be lost
and I was terrified I was gonna be lost all the time not to mention the
all the time not to mention the
all the time not to mention the legendary Los Angeles traffic every
legendary Los Angeles traffic every
legendary Los Angeles traffic every little change was a huge upset not just
little change was a huge upset not just
little change was a huge upset not just for me but for my husband – he wanted
for me but for my husband – he wanted
for me but for my husband – he wanted this change but he was still the new guy
this change but he was still the new guy
this change but he was still the new guy at a new company having to work with all
at a new company having to work with all
at a new company having to work with all new people and learn a new job and then
new people and learn a new job and then
new people and learn a new job and then he had to come home to me whose sole
he had to come home to me whose sole
he had to come home to me whose sole purpose was to make sure that he paid
purpose was to make sure that he paid
purpose was to make sure that he paid for ruining my life
for ruining my life
for ruining my life now he wasn’t really ruining my life
now he wasn’t really ruining my life
now he wasn’t really ruining my life he’d actually given me a precious gift
he’d actually given me a precious gift
he’d actually given me a precious gift he gave me the opportunity to have the
he gave me the opportunity to have the
he gave me the opportunity to have the adventure of a lifetime and I was
adventure of a lifetime and I was
adventure of a lifetime and I was missing it I was so busy mourning what I
missing it I was so busy mourning what I
missing it I was so busy mourning what I left behind but I couldn’t see what was
left behind but I couldn’t see what was
left behind but I couldn’t see what was right in front of me I found it a lot
right in front of me I found it a lot
right in front of me I found it a lot easier to blame him for everything that
easier to blame him for everything that
easier to blame him for everything that wasn’t working than to take
wasn’t working than to take
wasn’t working than to take responsibility for my own life and this
responsibility for my own life and this
responsibility for my own life and this went on for about two years why do they
went on for about two years why do they
went on for about two years why do they do that why did I waste all that
do that why did I waste all that
do that why did I waste all that precious time why did I feel the need to
precious time why did I feel the need to
precious time why did I feel the need to punish my husband well what I learned
punish my husband well what I learned
punish my husband well what I learned was my brain was triggering an
was my brain was triggering an
was my brain was triggering an unstoppable visceral response let’s take
unstoppable visceral response let’s take
unstoppable visceral response let’s take a look at how the brain works because
a look at how the brain works because
a look at how the brain works because understanding this is a critical piece
understanding this is a critical piece
understanding this is a critical piece of the puzzle and helping us reframe the
of the puzzle and helping us reframe the
of the puzzle and helping us reframe the way we think about change change can
way we think about change change can
way we think about change change can actually trigger a response in our brain
actually trigger a response in our brain
actually trigger a response in our brain that negatively impacts our capacity to
that negatively impacts our capacity to
that negatively impacts our capacity to think logically and in fact I wasn’t
think logically and in fact I wasn’t
think logically and in fact I wasn’t thinking at all my brain was hijacked
thinking at all my brain was hijacked
thinking at all my brain was hijacked when my husband came home and said we’re
when my husband came home and said we’re
when my husband came home and said we’re moving to California
moving to California
moving to California my brain was threatened and it went on
my brain was threatened and it went on
my brain was threatened and it went on autopilot it’s a medical fact that our
autopilot it’s a medical fact that our
autopilot it’s a medical fact that our brains perceive certain information like
brains perceive certain information like
brains perceive certain information like change as a threat and for me having the
change as a threat and for me having the
change as a threat and for me having the comfort and familiarity of Michigan
comfort and familiarity of Michigan
comfort and familiarity of Michigan ripped away from me
ripped away from me
ripped away from me was enough to trigger that response in
was enough to trigger that response in
was enough to trigger that response in my brain regardless of how real the
my brain regardless of how real the
my brain regardless of how real the threat actually is doesn’t have to be a
threat actually is doesn’t have to be a
threat actually is doesn’t have to be a physical threat it could be a perceived
physical threat it could be a perceived
physical threat it could be a perceived threat something as simple as watching a
threat something as simple as watching a
threat something as simple as watching a scary movie you can tell yourself
scary movie you can tell yourself
scary movie you can tell yourself consciously oh it’s just a scary movie
consciously oh it’s just a scary movie
consciously oh it’s just a scary movie but there’s a part of our brain that
but there’s a part of our brain that
but there’s a part of our brain that can’t distinguish between real threat
can’t distinguish between real threat
can’t distinguish between real threat and perceived threat it doesn’t listen
and perceived threat it doesn’t listen
and perceived threat it doesn’t listen this is a cross-section of the human
this is a cross-section of the human
this is a cross-section of the human brain
brain
brain and that flesh-colored section right in
and that flesh-colored section right in
and that flesh-colored section right in the center of the brain it’s part of the
the center of the brain it’s part of the
the center of the brain it’s part of the limbic system that’s the part of the
limbic system that’s the part of the
limbic system that’s the part of the brain that doesn’t listen
brain that doesn’t listen
brain that doesn’t listen you’ll still jump and get scared at a
you’ll still jump and get scared at a
you’ll still jump and get scared at a scary movie I can’t even watch scary
scary movie I can’t even watch scary
scary movie I can’t even watch scary movies
movies
movies it’s automatic it’s the primitive part
it’s automatic it’s the primitive part
it’s automatic it’s the primitive part of our brain and it was developed
of our brain and it was developed
of our brain and it was developed approximately a hundred and fifty
approximately a hundred and fifty
approximately a hundred and fifty million years ago was designed to keep
million years ago was designed to keep
million years ago was designed to keep us safe from real threat like being
us safe from real threat like being
us safe from real threat like being eaten by a saber-toothed tiger it’s what
eaten by a saber-toothed tiger it’s what
eaten by a saber-toothed tiger it’s what helped us to survive as a species and
helped us to survive as a species and
helped us to survive as a species and our brain still works the same way today
our brain still works the same way today
our brain still works the same way today even though there are no saber-tooth
even though there are no saber-tooth
even though there are no saber-tooth Tigers it’s our alarm Center and it
Tigers it’s our alarm Center and it
Tigers it’s our alarm Center and it responds powerfully to all kinds of
responds powerfully to all kinds of
responds powerfully to all kinds of emotionally charged and negative
emotionally charged and negative
emotionally charged and negative information again it’s automatic it
information again it’s automatic it
information again it’s automatic it loves to replay negative information
loves to replay negative information
loves to replay negative information negative stories over and over and over
negative stories over and over and over
negative stories over and over and over again it’s one of the reasons I was
again it’s one of the reasons I was
again it’s one of the reasons I was stuck for so long in my misery of being
stuck for so long in my misery of being
stuck for so long in my misery of being ripped away from California ghen to move
ripped away from California ghen to move
ripped away from California ghen to move to California and I had to leave the
to California and I had to leave the
to California and I had to leave the snow and misery and live at the beach it
snow and misery and live at the beach it
snow and misery and live at the beach it predicts the awful things that could
predicts the awful things that could
predicts the awful things that could happen in your future even though most
happen in your future even though most
happen in your future even though most of these awful things never even happen
of these awful things never even happen
of these awful things never even happen so consider that those awful things tend
so consider that those awful things tend
so consider that those awful things tend to keep you stuck in your comfort zone
to keep you stuck in your comfort zone
to keep you stuck in your comfort zone and you never go after that new job or
and you never go after that new job or
and you never go after that new job or visit that new place or get up and speak
visit that new place or get up and speak
visit that new place or get up and speak in front of a roomful of people but
in front of a roomful of people but
in front of a roomful of people but there’s good news
there’s good news
there’s good news you all have familiar patterns of
you all have familiar patterns of
you all have familiar patterns of emotions and body sensations that get
emotions and body sensations that get
emotions and body sensations that get triggered by that part of your brain
triggered by that part of your brain
triggered by that part of your brain when you’re faced with certain change or
when you’re faced with certain change or
when you’re faced with certain change or things that are new to you it might be
things that are new to you it might be
things that are new to you it might be fear it might be frustration it might be
fear it might be frustration it might be
fear it might be frustration it might be tightness in the pit of your stomach
tightness in the pit of your stomach
tightness in the pit of your stomach when you’re faced with that change or
when you’re faced with that change or
when you’re faced with that change or things that are new to you
things that are new to you
things that are new to you once you recognize your familiar
once you recognize your familiar
once you recognize your familiar patterns those feelings have less power
patterns those feelings have less power
patterns those feelings have less power over you but you have to recognize your
over you but you have to recognize your
over you but you have to recognize your patterns it’s that simple and once I
patterns it’s that simple and once I
patterns it’s that simple and once I recognized my familiar patterns of
recognized my familiar patterns of
recognized my familiar patterns of emotions and body sensations that were
emotions and body sensations that were
emotions and body sensations that were keeping me stuck in a holding pattern in
keeping me stuck in a holding pattern in
keeping me stuck in a holding pattern in California they quickly began to lose
California they quickly began to lose
California they quickly began to lose their grip on me and it was time for me
their grip on me and it was time for me
their grip on me and it was time for me to start living again and living in
to start living again and living in
to start living again and living in California was a lot more fun one of my
California was a lot more fun one of my
California was a lot more fun one of my favorite things about living in
favorite things about living in
favorite things about living in California were the beautiful sunsets
California were the beautiful sunsets
California were the beautiful sunsets over the ocean every night out my window
over the ocean every night out my window
over the ocean every night out my window I never got tired of that sight and I
I never got tired of that sight and I
I never got tired of that sight and I thought I would live in California
thought I would live in California
thought I would live in California forever
forever
forever that brings me to my second story a
that brings me to my second story a
that brings me to my second story a couple of years ago my husband came home
couple of years ago my husband came home
couple of years ago my husband came home from work and he said guess what honey
from work and he said guess what honey
from work and he said guess what honey Toyota is moving their headquarters to
Toyota is moving their headquarters to
Toyota is moving their headquarters to Plano Texas what did I do
Plano Texas what did I do
Plano Texas what did I do I automatically reacted the same way I
I automatically reacted the same way I
I automatically reacted the same way I did twelve years earlier when he said we
did twelve years earlier when he said we
did twelve years earlier when he said we were moving to California even though I
were moving to California even though I
were moving to California even though I knew I had created a powerful new way of
knew I had created a powerful new way of
knew I had created a powerful new way of dealing with change my brains automatic
dealing with change my brains automatic
dealing with change my brains automatic reaction was not more change how fun my
reaction was not more change how fun my
reaction was not more change how fun my brains automatic reaction was more along
brains automatic reaction was more along
brains automatic reaction was more along the lines of I’m filing for divorce I
the lines of I’m filing for divorce I
the lines of I’m filing for divorce I was angry I was sad all the pain and
was angry I was sad all the pain and
was angry I was sad all the pain and tension came back in my neck and
tension came back in my neck and
tension came back in my neck and shoulders all those emotions and body
shoulders all those emotions and body
shoulders all those emotions and body sensations were right there ready to
sensations were right there ready to
sensations were right there ready to ambush me fortunately it didn’t take me
ambush me fortunately it didn’t take me
ambush me fortunately it didn’t take me two years to see it this time I was able
two years to see it this time I was able
two years to see it this time I was able to quickly step back make a new choice
to quickly step back make a new choice
to quickly step back make a new choice and create some fun with this adventure
and create some fun with this adventure
and create some fun with this adventure after a few trips back and forth to
after a few trips back and forth to
after a few trips back and forth to Texas we found our new home or should I
Texas we found our new home or should I
Texas we found our new home or should I say we found our new dirt we were going
say we found our new dirt we were going
say we found our new dirt we were going from this to this
from this to this
from this to this but it didn’t matter where we were going
but it didn’t matter where we were going
but it didn’t matter where we were going it was all part of the fun that I got to
it was all part of the fun that I got to
it was all part of the fun that I got to create this was my opportunity to use my
create this was my opportunity to use my
create this was my opportunity to use my new tools and reframe the way this
new tools and reframe the way this
new tools and reframe the way this change was going to go now I still drive
change was going to go now I still drive
change was going to go now I still drive around North Texas and I have no idea
around North Texas and I have no idea
around North Texas and I have no idea where I’m going and I start to panic and
where I’m going and I start to panic and
where I’m going and I start to panic and I’m driving a car with GPS this time but
I’m driving a car with GPS this time but
I’m driving a car with GPS this time but that’s the interesting thing about our
that’s the interesting thing about our
that’s the interesting thing about our brain and change it doesn’t have to be a
brain and change it doesn’t have to be a
brain and change it doesn’t have to be a big thing or even a real threat it’s
big thing or even a real threat it’s
big thing or even a real threat it’s that part of our brain that can’t
that part of our brain that can’t
that part of our brain that can’t distinguish between real threat and
distinguish between real threat and
distinguish between real threat and perceived threat it still gets triggered
perceived threat it still gets triggered
perceived threat it still gets triggered and as I’m driving around and I notice
and as I’m driving around and I notice
and as I’m driving around and I notice it I stop myself and I say wait a minute
it I stop myself and I say wait a minute
it I stop myself and I say wait a minute you’ve never been here before you don’t
you’ve never been here before you don’t
you’ve never been here before you don’t have any history here it’s gonna be okay
have any history here it’s gonna be okay
have any history here it’s gonna be okay and I calm down in the short time I’ve
and I calm down in the short time I’ve
and I calm down in the short time I’ve lived here in Texas I’ve been introduced
lived here in Texas I’ve been introduced
lived here in Texas I’ve been introduced to new cultures and new foods new
to new cultures and new foods new
to new cultures and new foods new thoughts and new ideas I’ve experienced
thoughts and new ideas I’ve experienced
thoughts and new ideas I’ve experienced hot air balloons going up in my backyard
hot air balloons going up in my backyard
hot air balloons going up in my backyard I’ve had dinner with alpacas even gone
I’ve had dinner with alpacas even gone
I’ve had dinner with alpacas even gone to cattle drives all with my new Texas
to cattle drives all with my new Texas
to cattle drives all with my new Texas friends the story I’m telling you
friends the story I’m telling you
friends the story I’m telling you tonight is not just my story
tonight is not just my story
tonight is not just my story I’m the voice of the hundreds of people
I’m the voice of the hundreds of people
I’m the voice of the hundreds of people who are moving to North Texas each week
who are moving to North Texas each week
who are moving to North Texas each week we all have an opportunity to embrace
we all have an opportunity to embrace
we all have an opportunity to embrace this change or to mourn what we left
this change or to mourn what we left
this change or to mourn what we left behind because change will never stop
behind because change will never stop
behind because change will never stop happening from the moment were born till
happening from the moment were born till
happening from the moment were born till the moment we leave this earth but how
the moment we leave this earth but how
the moment we leave this earth but how you react to change can change and your
you react to change can change and your
you react to change can change and your body’s automatic response to change will
body’s automatic response to change will
body’s automatic response to change will never stop
never stop
never stop it’s your brain working perfectly but
it’s your brain working perfectly but
it’s your brain working perfectly but how you react to that response can
how you react to that response can
how you react to that response can change and make a profound difference in
change and make a profound difference in
change and make a profound difference in the quality of your life I want to leave
the quality of your life I want to leave
the quality of your life I want to leave you tonight with something something to
you tonight with something something to
you tonight with something something to think about what if one thing was
think about what if one thing was
think about what if one thing was different and change could be fun what
different and change could be fun what
different and change could be fun what if it was as simple as this
if it was as simple as this
if it was as simple as this find a way out of your comfort zone
find a way out of your comfort zone
find a way out of your comfort zone living life the same way day after day
living life the same way day after day
living life the same way day after day is not wrong it’s our natural human
is not wrong it’s our natural human
is not wrong it’s our natural human tendency but trying new things going to
tendency but trying new things going to
tendency but trying new things going to new places is a great way to expand the
new places is a great way to expand the
new places is a great way to expand the way you think and live and experience
way you think and live and experience
way you think and live and experience life unhook from your familiar patterns
life unhook from your familiar patterns
life unhook from your familiar patterns if you can just stop and notice your
if you can just stop and notice your
if you can just stop and notice your brains automatic reactions you can think
brains automatic reactions you can think
brains automatic reactions you can think and live and act differently new people
and live and act differently new people
and live and act differently new people get out and meet them new people will
get out and meet them new people will
get out and meet them new people will introduce you to new ideas new thoughts
introduce you to new ideas new thoughts
introduce you to new ideas new thoughts new ways of being that just might take
new ways of being that just might take
new ways of being that just might take you on the adventure of a lifetime by
you on the adventure of a lifetime by
you on the adventure of a lifetime by reframing the way you think about change
reframing the way you think about change
reframing the way you think about change you will all have a lot more fun thank
you will all have a lot more fun thank
you will all have a lot more fun thank you
”
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