[Applause] tell your story change the conversation
tell your story change the conversation
tell your story change the conversation organized by students TEDx youth at shc
the years in which I was most miserable
the years in which I was most miserable the years in which I made the worst
the years in which I made the worst
the years in which I made the worst decisions for myself and those around me
decisions for myself and those around me
decisions for myself and those around me the years in which my childhood abruptly
the years in which my childhood abruptly
the years in which my childhood abruptly ended are the years in which I have
ended are the years in which I have
ended are the years in which I have become most grateful for I am a highly
become most grateful for I am a highly
become most grateful for I am a highly sensitive person transitions and new
sensitive person transitions and new
sensitive person transitions and new situations rattle me large groups of
situations rattle me large groups of
situations rattle me large groups of people sometimes make me very
people sometimes make me very
people sometimes make me very uncomfortable
uncomfortable
uncomfortable I’m ultra aware of the discomfort of
I’m ultra aware of the discomfort of
I’m ultra aware of the discomfort of those around me and most of all I feel
those around me and most of all I feel
those around me and most of all I feel emotions very strongly when I was in
emotions very strongly when I was in
emotions very strongly when I was in elementary school I lack the
elementary school I lack the
elementary school I lack the self-awareness to understand and handle
self-awareness to understand and handle
self-awareness to understand and handle these emotions properly my godmother is
these emotions properly my godmother is
these emotions properly my godmother is a giant season ticket holder and when I
a giant season ticket holder and when I
a giant season ticket holder and when I was little I would go through the games
was little I would go through the games
was little I would go through the games the huge screaming crowds stressed me
the huge screaming crowds stressed me
the huge screaming crowds stressed me out so much I wouldn’t eat for the
out so much I wouldn’t eat for the
out so much I wouldn’t eat for the entire afternoon causing me to get a
entire afternoon causing me to get a
entire afternoon causing me to get a horrible stomachache we usually left
horrible stomachache we usually left
horrible stomachache we usually left around the fifth inning another time in
around the fifth inning another time in
around the fifth inning another time in elementary school I boycotted the young
elementary school I boycotted the young
elementary school I boycotted the young museum semi-permanently after a stained
museum semi-permanently after a stained
museum semi-permanently after a stained glass piece of a little girl and her
glass piece of a little girl and her
glass piece of a little girl and her dead bunny caused me start crying in the
dead bunny caused me start crying in the
dead bunny caused me start crying in the middle of our school field trip although
middle of our school field trip although
middle of our school field trip although during those years it felt like the
during those years it felt like the
during those years it felt like the world was happening to me there was a
world was happening to me there was a
world was happening to me there was a negative and lasting effect it was just
negative and lasting effect it was just
negative and lasting effect it was just elementary school when I reached the
elementary school when I reached the
elementary school when I reached the years known as the bane of adolescence
years known as the bane of adolescence
years known as the bane of adolescence excuse me middle school life became a
excuse me middle school life became a
excuse me middle school life became a lot more complicated than baseball games
lot more complicated than baseball games
lot more complicated than baseball games and emotionally scarring stained glass
and emotionally scarring stained glass
and emotionally scarring stained glass exhibits it was the first time my class
exhibits it was the first time my class
exhibits it was the first time my class and I were expected to be someone to
and I were expected to be someone to
and I were expected to be someone to look a certain way to manage time and
look a certain way to manage time and
look a certain way to manage time and worry about success it was the first
worry about success it was the first
worry about success it was the first time all of us had to grow up just a
time all of us had to grow up just a
time all of us had to grow up just a little bit and it was hard for many of
little bit and it was hard for many of
little bit and it was hard for many of us the support system in place designed
us the support system in place designed
us the support system in place designed to guide us through the confusion of
to guide us through the confusion of
to guide us through the confusion of early adolescence was not enough and we
early adolescence was not enough and we
early adolescence was not enough and we turned to an ulterior emotional outlet
turned to an ulterior emotional outlet
turned to an ulterior emotional outlet anorexia bulimia self-harm and the
anorexia bulimia self-harm and the
anorexia bulimia self-harm and the constant craving for perfection reigned
constant craving for perfection reigned
constant craving for perfection reigned during my seventh grade year through all
during my seventh grade year through all
during my seventh grade year through all of this you would take one look at our
of this you would take one look at our
of this you would take one look at our class and externally we all looked fine
class and externally we all looked fine
class and externally we all looked fine for the highly sensitive person like me
for the highly sensitive person like me
for the highly sensitive person like me it was a war zone
it was a war zone
it was a war zone my emotional sieve that processes my
my emotional sieve that processes my
my emotional sieve that processes my emotions was already strained pun
emotions was already strained pun
emotions was already strained pun intended trying to filter my many
intended trying to filter my many
intended trying to filter my many emotions and on top of that I was
emotions and on top of that I was
emotions and on top of that I was convinced that I wasn’t supposed to be
convinced that I wasn’t supposed to be
convinced that I wasn’t supposed to be feeling these feelings that I wasn’t
feeling these feelings that I wasn’t
feeling these feelings that I wasn’t supposed to be having a hard time
supposed to be having a hard time
supposed to be having a hard time because it didn’t look like anyone else
because it didn’t look like anyone else
because it didn’t look like anyone else was so I throw myself into someone
was so I throw myself into someone
was so I throw myself into someone else’s struggling wherever I could find
else’s struggling wherever I could find
else’s struggling wherever I could find it because it was easier to validate the
it because it was easier to validate the
it because it was easier to validate the emotions of other people rather than my
emotions of other people rather than my
emotions of other people rather than my own after year of shoving every feeling
own after year of shoving every feeling
own after year of shoving every feeling down of punishing myself over growing
down of punishing myself over growing
down of punishing myself over growing pains I somehow convinced myself I
pains I somehow convinced myself I
pains I somehow convinced myself I didn’t deserve to feel bad I know it
didn’t deserve to feel bad I know it
didn’t deserve to feel bad I know it sounds absurd but for me a highly
sounds absurd but for me a highly
sounds absurd but for me a highly sensitive person
sensitive person
sensitive person I need those negative emotions those bad
I need those negative emotions those bad
I need those negative emotions those bad days because those are what I step on in
days because those are what I step on in
days because those are what I step on in order to reach the good feelings that
order to reach the good feelings that
order to reach the good feelings that are higher up on the Shelf by depriving
are higher up on the Shelf by depriving
are higher up on the Shelf by depriving myself of negative feelings I ended up
myself of negative feelings I ended up
myself of negative feelings I ended up depriving myself of all feelings and I
depriving myself of all feelings and I
depriving myself of all feelings and I was miserable so my parents put me in
was miserable so my parents put me in
was miserable so my parents put me in therapy the first year I would sit stiff
therapy the first year I would sit stiff
therapy the first year I would sit stiff and still in the couch having to face
and still in the couch having to face
and still in the couch having to face the crushing weight of all of the
the crushing weight of all of the
the crushing weight of all of the feelings I shoved down for so long but
feelings I shoved down for so long but
feelings I shoved down for so long but by the end of eighth grade I had more
by the end of eighth grade I had more
by the end of eighth grade I had more tools to help me handle my sensitivity
tools to help me handle my sensitivity
tools to help me handle my sensitivity in a constructive way and I was happier
in a constructive way and I was happier
in a constructive way and I was happier more comfortable in my relationships and
more comfortable in my relationships and
more comfortable in my relationships and emotionally functional then I graduated
emotionally functional then I graduated
emotionally functional then I graduated starting high school felt like drowning
starting high school felt like drowning
starting high school felt like drowning all over again I went from a class of
all over again I went from a class of
all over again I went from a class of 30-something students to a class of 300
30-something students to a class of 300
30-something students to a class of 300 something students grades actually
something students grades actually
something students grades actually mattered the material was hard worth the
mattered the material was hard worth the
mattered the material was hard worth the ball I was peeling all this pressure to
ball I was peeling all this pressure to
ball I was peeling all this pressure to put myself out there and join sports
put myself out there and join sports
put myself out there and join sports clubs and extra classes my emotional
clubs and extra classes my emotional
clubs and extra classes my emotional sieve and I had just learned how to walk
sieve and I had just learned how to walk
sieve and I had just learned how to walk again
again
again and I was being asked to sprint I went
and I was being asked to sprint I went
and I was being asked to sprint I went through freshman year not repressing
through freshman year not repressing
through freshman year not repressing emotions but doing my best to avoid the
emotions but doing my best to avoid the
emotions but doing my best to avoid the big ones I stuck to my daily routine
big ones I stuck to my daily routine
big ones I stuck to my daily routine like he was the only thing keeping me
like he was the only thing keeping me
like he was the only thing keeping me together and I didn’t do sports or clubs
together and I didn’t do sports or clubs
together and I didn’t do sports or clubs and I made friends conservatively I was
and I made friends conservatively I was
and I made friends conservatively I was slowly weaned off of therapy and stopped
slowly weaned off of therapy and stopped
slowly weaned off of therapy and stopped halfway through freshman year I wasn’t
halfway through freshman year I wasn’t
halfway through freshman year I wasn’t super happy but I was safe and I was
super happy but I was safe and I was
super happy but I was safe and I was finally figuring out how to as I put it
finally figuring out how to as I put it
finally figuring out how to as I put it emotion correctly again this year
emotion correctly again this year
emotion correctly again this year finally figured some stuff out after a
finally figured some stuff out after a
finally figured some stuff out after a good year of practicing with my emotions
good year of practicing with my emotions
good year of practicing with my emotions my high sensitivity is no longer
my high sensitivity is no longer
my high sensitivity is no longer something that hurts me but something
something that hurts me but something
something that hurts me but something that helps me understand and support
that helps me understand and support
that helps me understand and support those around me with that tool under my
those around me with that tool under my
those around me with that tool under my belt the pieces finally began to fill
belt the pieces finally began to fill
belt the pieces finally began to fill together
together
together my emotional sieve processes my emotions
my emotional sieve processes my emotions
my emotional sieve processes my emotions consistently and flawlessly because no
consistently and flawlessly because no
consistently and flawlessly because no longer am i trying to shove some of
longer am i trying to shove some of
longer am i trying to shove some of those feelings down most of all I have
those feelings down most of all I have
those feelings down most of all I have learned to love the down days fresher
learned to love the down days fresher
learned to love the down days fresher the times when I feel like nothing is
the times when I feel like nothing is
the times when I feel like nothing is going right and cherish the moments when
going right and cherish the moments when
going right and cherish the moments when I want to go home and cry because those
I want to go home and cry because those
I want to go home and cry because those are beautiful in their own right I love
are beautiful in their own right I love
are beautiful in their own right I love those feelings not because of their
those feelings not because of their
those feelings not because of their position on the Shelf but because they
position on the Shelf but because they
position on the Shelf but because they help me reach the good feelings that are
help me reach the good feelings that are
help me reach the good feelings that are higher up everyone has varying degrees
higher up everyone has varying degrees
higher up everyone has varying degrees of sensitivity and everyone’s emotional
of sensitivity and everyone’s emotional
of sensitivity and everyone’s emotional SIVs processes emotions differently but
SIVs processes emotions differently but
SIVs processes emotions differently but everyone feels in the same way
everyone feels in the same way
everyone feels in the same way sadness hurt happiness feels good in
sadness hurt happiness feels good in
sadness hurt happiness feels good in today’s world certain motions are dubbed
today’s world certain motions are dubbed
today’s world certain motions are dubbed unacceptable because of who you are who
unacceptable because of who you are who
unacceptable because of who you are who you associate with it’s absurd to tell
you associate with it’s absurd to tell
you associate with it’s absurd to tell anyone how and when they should feel so
anyone how and when they should feel so
anyone how and when they should feel so I’m going to ask you all to help me
I’m going to ask you all to help me
I’m going to ask you all to help me change this thinking the next time you
change this thinking the next time you
change this thinking the next time you begin to shove down a feeling because it
begin to shove down a feeling because it
begin to shove down a feeling because it embarrasses you or doesn’t fit within
embarrasses you or doesn’t fit within
embarrasses you or doesn’t fit within the confinements of how society wants to
the confinements of how society wants to
the confinements of how society wants to see you or you just don’t feel like
see you or you just don’t feel like
see you or you just don’t feel like dealing with it
dealing with it
dealing with it take a moment acknowledge that feeling
take a moment acknowledge that feeling
take a moment acknowledge that feeling recognize that it’s valid and understand
recognize that it’s valid and understand
recognize that it’s valid and understand that it’s yours and a part of you once
that it’s yours and a part of you once
that it’s yours and a part of you once you’ve done that you can hide it away or
you’ve done that you can hide it away or
you’ve done that you can hide it away or do with it what you will because the
do with it what you will because the
do with it what you will because the important and lasting changes begin from
important and lasting changes begin from
important and lasting changes begin from within so yes the years in which I was
within so yes the years in which I was
within so yes the years in which I was most miserable the years in which I made
most miserable the years in which I made
most miserable the years in which I made the worst decisions for myself and those
the worst decisions for myself and those
the worst decisions for myself and those around me the years in which my
around me the years in which my
around me the years in which my childhood abruptly ended are the years
childhood abruptly ended are the years
childhood abruptly ended are the years in which I become most grateful for
in which I become most grateful for
in which I become most grateful for because those were the years when I
because those were the years when I
because those were the years when I learned how to feel like me thank you
”
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