now what you see before you is just an Indian woman who has been through the
Indian woman who has been through the
Indian woman who has been through the ups and downs of life for many years now
ups and downs of life for many years now
ups and downs of life for many years now I was born into an enormous amount of
I was born into an enormous amount of
I was born into an enormous amount of money by the time I was born I was a
money by the time I was born I was a
money by the time I was born I was a third child my father was a very
third child my father was a very
third child my father was a very well-known lawyer very successful etc
well-known lawyer very successful etc
well-known lawyer very successful etc etc at fifteen and a half what did I
etc at fifteen and a half what did I
etc at fifteen and a half what did I learn about life that I was I couldn’t
learn about life that I was I couldn’t
learn about life that I was I couldn’t go to school every day by car a
go to school every day by car a
go to school every day by car a chauffeured car with a gunman they used
chauffeured car with a gunman they used
chauffeured car with a gunman they used to call them which is basically personal
to call them which is basically personal
to call them which is basically personal security officers taking me to school I
security officers taking me to school I
security officers taking me to school I learned to use the school bus anyway I
learned to use the school bus anyway I
learned to use the school bus anyway I was lucky I was a very very good student
was lucky I was a very very good student
was lucky I was a very very good student so I topped my school and I was
so I topped my school and I was
so I topped my school and I was fortunate to get admission into Saints
fortunate to get admission into Saints
fortunate to get admission into Saints defense we were the first batch of girls
defense we were the first batch of girls
defense we were the first batch of girls in 1975 but by that time my family had
in 1975 but by that time my family had
in 1975 but by that time my family had moved back from Delhi to Chennai and my
moved back from Delhi to Chennai and my
moved back from Delhi to Chennai and my mother probably made me promise that
mother probably made me promise that
mother probably made me promise that well once you cross graduation you come
well once you cross graduation you come
well once you cross graduation you come back to Chennai I went back to Chennai I
back to Chennai I went back to Chennai I
back to Chennai I went back to Chennai I got married pretty early I had two
got married pretty early I had two
got married pretty early I had two lovely children then I really hit
lovely children then I really hit
lovely children then I really hit paydirt
paydirt
paydirt I learned what it means to stand up for
I learned what it means to stand up for
I learned what it means to stand up for oneself and to stand on one’s own feet
oneself and to stand on one’s own feet
oneself and to stand on one’s own feet these are things that I don’t normally
these are things that I don’t normally
these are things that I don’t normally talk about in public but I have to talk
talk about in public but I have to talk
talk about in public but I have to talk about it today if I am to tell you all
about it today if I am to tell you all
about it today if I am to tell you all exactly what life’s can be the ups and
exactly what life’s can be the ups and
exactly what life’s can be the ups and downs and why you should never give up
downs and why you should never give up
downs and why you should never give up my husband became an alcoholic he died
my husband became an alcoholic he died
my husband became an alcoholic he died after about four years of really deep
after about four years of really deep
after about four years of really deep alcoholism which in this country you
alcoholism which in this country you
alcoholism which in this country you know we don’t accept things like this
know we don’t accept things like this
know we don’t accept things like this and I am putting these in inverted
and I am putting these in inverted
and I am putting these in inverted commas you don’t say that you have an
commas you don’t say that you have an
commas you don’t say that you have an alcoholic in the family because what
alcoholic in the family because what
alcoholic in the family because what will people think we we have to worried
will people think we we have to worried
will people think we we have to worried about what others will say to be really
about what others will say to be really
about what others will say to be really dealing with the most important problems
dealing with the most important problems
dealing with the most important problems of your life eventually he passed away
of your life eventually he passed away
of your life eventually he passed away very young I was left with two young
very young I was left with two young
very young I was left with two young kids two daughters my younger daughter
kids two daughters my younger daughter
kids two daughters my younger daughter was about five years old my elder one
was about five years old my elder one
was about five years old my elder one was 10 years old the younger one hardly
was 10 years old the younger one hardly
was 10 years old the younger one hardly knew her father because he had been in
knew her father because he had been in
knew her father because he had been in and out of hospital from the age of when
and out of hospital from the age of when
and out of hospital from the age of when she was 2 years old by that time I was
she was 2 years old by that time I was
she was 2 years old by that time I was more or less convinced that well I could
more or less convinced that well I could
more or less convinced that well I could make it I could do it
make it I could do it
make it I could do it it’s not going to be easy but I can do
it’s not going to be easy but I can do
it’s not going to be easy but I can do it my mother who had come to stay with
it my mother who had come to stay with
it my mother who had come to stay with me for about a year and a half during
me for about a year and a half during
me for about a year and a half during that very hard period she died and one
that very hard period she died and one
that very hard period she died and one of the things she told me before she
of the things she told me before she
of the things she told me before she died was that never ask anybody for any
died was that never ask anybody for any
died was that never ask anybody for any favors regardless of who they may be
favors regardless of who they may be
favors regardless of who they may be children husband in-laws brother sister
children husband in-laws brother sister
children husband in-laws brother sister nobody don’t imagine it’s going to be
nobody don’t imagine it’s going to be
nobody don’t imagine it’s going to be easy but you were an extraordinarily
easy but you were an extraordinarily
easy but you were an extraordinarily well-educated young girl stand on your
well-educated young girl stand on your
well-educated young girl stand on your own feet it will be hard the first year
own feet it will be hard the first year
own feet it will be hard the first year or two will be very hard but if you can
or two will be very hard but if you can
or two will be very hard but if you can cross that nobody will be ever able to
cross that nobody will be ever able to
cross that nobody will be ever able to stop you she was right at that time I
stop you she was right at that time I
stop you she was right at that time I was very resentful at what is she
was very resentful at what is she
was very resentful at what is she talking about
talking about
talking about you know everybody in the family is
you know everybody in the family is
you know everybody in the family is doing so well why can I not go and ask
doing so well why can I not go and ask
doing so well why can I not go and ask for help but she was absolutely right
for help but she was absolutely right
for help but she was absolutely right eventually when she passed on after that
eventually when she passed on after that
eventually when she passed on after that I was telling you about my brother he
I was telling you about my brother he
I was telling you about my brother he died very early he died of acute myeloid
died very early he died of acute myeloid
died very early he died of acute myeloid leukemia when I was about 41 I was
leukemia when I was about 41 I was
leukemia when I was about 41 I was nowhere near politics around the age of
nowhere near politics around the age of
nowhere near politics around the age of about 28 29 when I was wallowing in
about 28 29 when I was wallowing in
about 28 29 when I was wallowing in self-pity a very good friend of mine
self-pity a very good friend of mine
self-pity a very good friend of mine told me that what on earth is wrong with
told me that what on earth is wrong with
told me that what on earth is wrong with you what the hell are you doing with
you what the hell are you doing with
you what the hell are you doing with yourself you have so much compared to
yourself you have so much compared to
yourself you have so much compared to what a lot of people millions of other
what a lot of people millions of other
what a lot of people millions of other people in the world in the country etc
people in the world in the country etc
people in the world in the country etc stop feeling sorry for yourself and
stop feeling sorry for yourself and
stop feeling sorry for yourself and stand up I mean what are you doing
stand up I mean what are you doing
stand up I mean what are you doing you’re drowning in self-pity which is
you’re drowning in self-pity which is
you’re drowning in self-pity which is ridiculous
ridiculous
ridiculous do something for others you have the
do something for others you have the
do something for others you have the capacity to do it you have the reach the
capacity to do it you have the reach the
capacity to do it you have the reach the contacts everything you have roof over
contacts everything you have roof over
contacts everything you have roof over your head what on earth are you doing
your head what on earth are you doing
your head what on earth are you doing with your life again I didn’t like it
with your life again I didn’t like it
with your life again I didn’t like it but he was absolutely right I started an
but he was absolutely right I started an
but he was absolutely right I started an NGO and at that time I went to a lot of
NGO and at that time I went to a lot of
NGO and at that time I went to a lot of people saying what sort of work should I
people saying what sort of work should I
people saying what sort of work should I do
do
do and I met a very interesting ice officer
and I met a very interesting ice officer
and I met a very interesting ice officer who by the way was later on went to jail
who by the way was later on went to jail
who by the way was later on went to jail for corruption but he too gave me some
for corruption but he too gave me some
for corruption but he too gave me some very very sort of interesting advice
very very sort of interesting advice
very very sort of interesting advice that was in 1991 was the time when the
that was in 1991 was the time when the
that was in 1991 was the time when the HIV epidemic had hit India infection
HIV epidemic had hit India infection
HIV epidemic had hit India infection rates were spiraling and that was not
rates were spiraling and that was not
rates were spiraling and that was not the time when hiv/aids was fashionable
the time when hiv/aids was fashionable
the time when hiv/aids was fashionable as it was and as it is now so he said
as it was and as it is now so he said
as it was and as it is now so he said why don’t you
why don’t you
why don’t you start working this field and you know
start working this field and you know
start working this field and you know for the first six months everywhere I
for the first six months everywhere I
for the first six months everywhere I went people would say you from your
went people would say you from your
went people would say you from your family oh my god you’re working with sex
family oh my god you’re working with sex
family oh my god you’re working with sex workers and I said yeah you know they’re
workers and I said yeah you know they’re
workers and I said yeah you know they’re actually very nice people
actually very nice people
actually very nice people so I started work in that and I found my
so I started work in that and I found my
so I started work in that and I found my niche I did extraordinarily well I was
niche I did extraordinarily well I was
niche I did extraordinarily well I was my NGO made a lot of I mean it made a
my NGO made a lot of I mean it made a
my NGO made a lot of I mean it made a very good name for itself I set up the
very good name for itself I set up the
very good name for itself I set up the first project in India which was run for
first project in India which was run for
first project in India which was run for five years by me and then handed over to
five years by me and then handed over to
five years by me and then handed over to the community where we worked with the
the community where we worked with the
the community where we worked with the LGBT community lesbian gay transgender
LGBT community lesbian gay transgender
LGBT community lesbian gay transgender transsexual bisexuals everybody some of
transsexual bisexuals everybody some of
transsexual bisexuals everybody some of them are still my very good friends now
them are still my very good friends now
them are still my very good friends now after that I was very happy in my work
after that I was very happy in my work
after that I was very happy in my work and I was consulting for all the big
and I was consulting for all the big
and I was consulting for all the big donors throughout the world earning a
donors throughout the world earning a
donors throughout the world earning a lot of money by which time I had enough
lot of money by which time I had enough
lot of money by which time I had enough self-confidence to know that I could
self-confidence to know that I could
self-confidence to know that I could make it then my brother went and kicked
make it then my brother went and kicked
make it then my brother went and kicked the bucket the stupid man was at the
the bucket the stupid man was at the
the bucket the stupid man was at the head I mean at the pinnacle of his
head I mean at the pinnacle of his
head I mean at the pinnacle of his career but he smoked like a fish and he
career but he smoked like a fish and he
career but he smoked like a fish and he didn’t look after his health he was gone
didn’t look after his health he was gone
didn’t look after his health he was gone in four months acute myeloid leukemia if
in four months acute myeloid leukemia if
in four months acute myeloid leukemia if it’s not detected early enough kills you
it’s not detected early enough kills you
it’s not detected early enough kills you very fast
very fast
very fast and then there was this huge pressure
and then there was this huge pressure
and then there was this huge pressure put on me to join politics I’m not a
put on me to join politics I’m not a
put on me to join politics I’m not a good politician and too blunt I’m too
good politician and too blunt I’m too
good politician and too blunt I’m too unn I don’t wear big bindis I I don’t
unn I don’t wear big bindis I I don’t
unn I don’t wear big bindis I I don’t you know I don’t subscribe to the normal
you know I don’t subscribe to the normal
you know I don’t subscribe to the normal politic political sort of thing and I’m
politic political sort of thing and I’m
politic political sort of thing and I’m too I am too Frank I see what I think I
too I am too Frank I see what I think I
too I am too Frank I see what I think I mean now I’ve learnt after many years in
mean now I’ve learnt after many years in
mean now I’ve learnt after many years in politics to keep my mouth shut sometimes
politics to keep my mouth shut sometimes
politics to keep my mouth shut sometimes but for the most part I can’t so nobody
but for the most part I can’t so nobody
but for the most part I can’t so nobody expected me to do well after coming into
expected me to do well after coming into
expected me to do well after coming into politics there are many things that I
politics there are many things that I
politics there are many things that I learnt one is that stop saying sorry I
learnt one is that stop saying sorry I
learnt one is that stop saying sorry I mean you’re also being yourself there’s
mean you’re also being yourself there’s
mean you’re also being yourself there’s too much expected of Indian men like the
too much expected of Indian men like the
too much expected of Indian men like the young boy who spoke before me women are
young boy who spoke before me women are
young boy who spoke before me women are now just fed up of being called what a
now just fed up of being called what a
now just fed up of being called what a master at everything being perfect in
master at everything being perfect in
master at everything being perfect in everything the perfect mother the
everything the perfect mother the
everything the perfect mother the perfect wife sister daughter blah blah
perfect wife sister daughter blah blah
perfect wife sister daughter blah blah blah but not the perfect woman or human
blah but not the perfect woman or human
blah but not the perfect woman or human being and then after doing a lot of work
being and then after doing a lot of work
being and then after doing a lot of work I
I
I made the when when can I do was
made the when when can I do was
made the when when can I do was suppressed at the party he made me
suppressed at the party he made me
suppressed at the party he made me secretary of the party national
secretary of the party national
secretary of the party national secretary he said you speak so many
secretary he said you speak so many
secretary he said you speak so many languages which you are willing to
languages which you are willing to
languages which you are willing to travel work so I was very happy with it
travel work so I was very happy with it
travel work so I was very happy with it because it meant I was travelling to all
because it meant I was travelling to all
because it meant I was travelling to all parts of India and I learnt an enormous
parts of India and I learnt an enormous
parts of India and I learnt an enormous amount about this country and its women
amount about this country and its women
amount about this country and its women specifically in 2014 when the BJP came
specifically in 2014 when the BJP came
specifically in 2014 when the BJP came to power I was made the chairperson of
to power I was made the chairperson of
to power I was made the chairperson of the National Commission for women now
the National Commission for women now
the National Commission for women now what I realised was how little credit
what I realised was how little credit
what I realised was how little credit will give to Indian women we are there
will give to Indian women we are there
will give to Indian women we are there everywhere this is a room full of young
everywhere this is a room full of young
everywhere this is a room full of young girls and boys I am NOT talking about
girls and boys I am NOT talking about
girls and boys I am NOT talking about this ten percent of Indian population
this ten percent of Indian population
this ten percent of Indian population which I actually called very very
which I actually called very very
which I actually called very very privileged I’m talking about the
privileged I’m talking about the
privileged I’m talking about the ordinary Indian woman who’s struggling
ordinary Indian woman who’s struggling
ordinary Indian woman who’s struggling to get educated was struggling to get
to get educated was struggling to get
to get educated was struggling to get some sort of nutrition meal once a day
some sort of nutrition meal once a day
some sort of nutrition meal once a day who does her housework who does her
who does her housework who does her
who does her housework who does her homework in school in college who looks
homework in school in college who looks
homework in school in college who looks after home has everything and never gets
after home has everything and never gets
after home has everything and never gets credit for it the thing I realized was
credit for it the thing I realized was
credit for it the thing I realized was that Indian women are today tired of
that Indian women are today tired of
that Indian women are today tired of this burden we want to break out of it I
this burden we want to break out of it I
this burden we want to break out of it I had I have a very very good friend who
had I have a very very good friend who
had I have a very very good friend who had a lot of problems and her marriage
had a lot of problems and her marriage
had a lot of problems and her marriage about after ten years into the marriage
about after ten years into the marriage
about after ten years into the marriage and she said that look unless I stand on
and she said that look unless I stand on
and she said that look unless I stand on my own feet I’m never going to be able
my own feet I’m never going to be able
my own feet I’m never going to be able to succeed in life
to succeed in life
to succeed in life she’s now went on to become a very very
she’s now went on to become a very very
she’s now went on to become a very very successful very wealthy entrepreneur and
successful very wealthy entrepreneur and
successful very wealthy entrepreneur and she once said that I can’t cook for nuts
she once said that I can’t cook for nuts
she once said that I can’t cook for nuts she hates cooking and she says yeah but
she hates cooking and she says yeah but
she hates cooking and she says yeah but I have two grown-up kids who are not in
I have two grown-up kids who are not in
I have two grown-up kids who are not in the least undernourished so why does a
the least undernourished so why does a
the least undernourished so why does a woman only have to cook why can’t we
woman only have to cook why can’t we
woman only have to cook why can’t we break out of the mold a lot of things
break out of the mold a lot of things
break out of the mold a lot of things that stood me in very good stead through
that stood me in very good stead through
that stood me in very good stead through my life was what my father had taught me
my life was what my father had taught me
my life was what my father had taught me my father had taught me when this young
my father had taught me when this young
my father had taught me when this young boy had talked about that you know your
boy had talked about that you know your
boy had talked about that you know your rights yes which is fine everybody
rights yes which is fine everybody
rights yes which is fine everybody should know their eyes but for God’s
should know their eyes but for God’s
should know their eyes but for God’s sake learn what your duties should be
sake learn what your duties should be
sake learn what your duties should be whatever Duty you want to fulfil as a
whatever Duty you want to fulfil as a
whatever Duty you want to fulfil as a mother or a daughter or the human being
mother or a daughter or the human being
mother or a daughter or the human being or as a citizen whatever doctor
or as a citizen whatever doctor
or as a citizen whatever doctor journalist engineer actor whatever it is
journalist engineer actor whatever it is
journalist engineer actor whatever it is learn to do well at it
learn to do well at it
learn to do well at it he also said never stop question
he also said never stop question
he also said never stop question if you think somebody says something to
if you think somebody says something to
if you think somebody says something to you that you don’t feel is quite right
you that you don’t feel is quite right
you that you don’t feel is quite right call them out maybe you lose that job or
call them out maybe you lose that job or
call them out maybe you lose that job or that contract maybe they will not like
that contract maybe they will not like
that contract maybe they will not like you and will not stay in touch with you
you and will not stay in touch with you
you and will not stay in touch with you but it doesn’t matter
but it doesn’t matter
but it doesn’t matter you’ve been true to yourself and you
you’ve been true to yourself and you
you’ve been true to yourself and you won’t keep questioning yourself all the
won’t keep questioning yourself all the
won’t keep questioning yourself all the time and waste your time in it he also
time and waste your time in it he also
time and waste your time in it he also taught me never to look back all of us
taught me never to look back all of us
taught me never to look back all of us have failures in our lives nobody none
have failures in our lives nobody none
have failures in our lives nobody none of the people who’ll stand here talking
of the people who’ll stand here talking
of the people who’ll stand here talking to you will be always a success we’ve
to you will be always a success we’ve
to you will be always a success we’ve all failed pretty regularly that is not
all failed pretty regularly that is not
all failed pretty regularly that is not what makes a person a success not
what makes a person a success not
what makes a person a success not failing what makes you a success is when
failing what makes you a success is when
failing what makes you a success is when you come to terms with your failure and
you come to terms with your failure and
you come to terms with your failure and learn to put it behind you
learn to put it behind you
learn to put it behind you my father used to say that
my father used to say that
my father used to say that rajagopalachari had told him that you
rajagopalachari had told him that you
rajagopalachari had told him that you know you can’t walk forward if we keep
know you can’t walk forward if we keep
know you can’t walk forward if we keep looking backward you’ll trip and fall
looking backward you’ll trip and fall
looking backward you’ll trip and fall over your own feet that’s true of
over your own feet that’s true of
over your own feet that’s true of anything in life and y’all are young
anything in life and y’all are young
anything in life and y’all are young people as has been said before me
people as has been said before me
people as has been said before me sixty-five percent of India’s population
sixty-five percent of India’s population
sixty-five percent of India’s population today is below the age of thirty as you
today is below the age of thirty as you
today is below the age of thirty as you move forward in your life whatever you
move forward in your life whatever you
move forward in your life whatever you choose don’t doubt yourself
choose don’t doubt yourself
choose don’t doubt yourself don’t question yourself trust your
don’t question yourself trust your
don’t question yourself trust your instincts I’m an Indian I’m a woman and
instincts I’m an Indian I’m a woman and
instincts I’m an Indian I’m a woman and I’m you know I keep telling everybody on
I’m you know I keep telling everybody on
I’m you know I keep telling everybody on khichdi I don’t know what cast iron my
khichdi I don’t know what cast iron my
khichdi I don’t know what cast iron my father was a mixture of saris with
father was a mixture of saris with
father was a mixture of saris with Brahmin and a Tamilian I think they’re
Brahmin and a Tamilian I think they’re
Brahmin and a Tamilian I think they’re kshatriyas grounders very very rich
kshatriyas grounders very very rich
kshatriyas grounders very very rich wealthy landlords very very rich wealthy
wealthy landlords very very rich wealthy
wealthy landlords very very rich wealthy landlords my mother was a Bengali
landlords my mother was a Bengali
landlords my mother was a Bengali Brahmin I grew up in Chennai and in
Brahmin I grew up in Chennai and in
Brahmin I grew up in Chennai and in Delhi so what am I I don’t know when you
Delhi so what am I I don’t know when you
Delhi so what am I I don’t know when you know in school you have to fill in a
know in school you have to fill in a
know in school you have to fill in a thing saying caste my father used to put
thing saying caste my father used to put
thing saying caste my father used to put any so when my elder daughter had to
any so when my elder daughter had to
any so when my elder daughter had to give her ten standard exam I put any and
give her ten standard exam I put any and
give her ten standard exam I put any and give it to the school she was studying
give it to the school she was studying
give it to the school she was studying in a Christian school Church Park which
in a Christian school Church Park which
in a Christian school Church Park which is recitation convent Jenny principle
is recitation convent Jenny principle
is recitation convent Jenny principle got very upset she called me to the
got very upset she called me to the
got very upset she called me to the school and said madam she didn’t know
school and said madam she didn’t know
school and said madam she didn’t know how to say I mean how could she say I
how to say I mean how could she say I
how to say I mean how could she say I said but I don’t know what car she is my
said but I don’t know what car she is my
said but I don’t know what car she is my husband is from Trichy he’s some caste I
husband is from Trichy he’s some caste I
husband is from Trichy he’s some caste I am some other caste I don’t even know
am some other caste I don’t even know
am some other caste I don’t even know what caste what do you want me to put he
what caste what do you want me to put he
what caste what do you want me to put he said I don’t know but unless you fill it
said I don’t know but unless you fill it
said I don’t know but unless you fill it in the form she’s not going to give the
in the form she’s not going to give the
in the form she’s not going to give the tenth standard exam the rules are that I
tenth standard exam the rules are that I
tenth standard exam the rules are that I was outraged I gave her a lecture on you
was outraged I gave her a lecture on you
was outraged I gave her a lecture on you know how cost is bad and stuff she say
know how cost is bad and stuff she say
know how cost is bad and stuff she say agree but you have to get me this
agree but you have to get me this
agree but you have to get me this certificate so I told my brother what do
certificate so I told my brother what do
certificate so I told my brother what do I do he said we’ll just go to the
I do he said we’ll just go to the
I do he said we’ll just go to the tahsildar
tahsildar
tahsildar I went to the tarsal there in ignore
I went to the tarsal there in ignore
I went to the tarsal there in ignore Chandni and he looked too looked at me
Chandni and he looked too looked at me
Chandni and he looked too looked at me and said Madame what is your name I have
and said Madame what is your name I have
and said Madame what is your name I have never changed my main name my maiden
never changed my main name my maiden
never changed my main name my maiden name is kumara Mangalam it remained that
name is kumara Mangalam it remained that
name is kumara Mangalam it remained that they said I am from Salem madam which is
they said I am from Salem madam which is
they said I am from Salem madam which is where my family comes from you all are
where my family comes from you all are
where my family comes from you all are all backward caste fine so I said give
all backward caste fine so I said give
all backward caste fine so I said give me the damn certificate that’s all I
me the damn certificate that’s all I
me the damn certificate that’s all I care about
care about
care about he gave me the certificate she gave her
he gave me the certificate she gave her
he gave me the certificate she gave her exams did quite well we never used the
exams did quite well we never used the
exams did quite well we never used the reservation and because we didn’t need
reservation and because we didn’t need
reservation and because we didn’t need it we need to think about it about five
it we need to think about it about five
it we need to think about it about five years after that when my elder daughter
years after that when my elder daughter
years after that when my elder daughter was actually studying in Pune and I LS
was actually studying in Pune and I LS
was actually studying in Pune and I LS my father law happened to see he was
my father law happened to see he was
my father law happened to see he was outraged he said what did you do we have
outraged he said what did you do we have
outraged he said what did you do we have forward caste how can you say we a
forward caste how can you say we a
forward caste how can you say we a backward caste so I had to soothe him
backward caste so I had to soothe him
backward caste so I had to soothe him down which I did but again I never
down which I did but again I never
down which I did but again I never regretted what I did because I had to do
regretted what I did because I had to do
regretted what I did because I had to do it to get the job done eventually you’re
it to get the job done eventually you’re
it to get the job done eventually you’re on the story he calmed down and all that
on the story he calmed down and all that
on the story he calmed down and all that the whole thing is that don’t doubt
the whole thing is that don’t doubt
the whole thing is that don’t doubt yourself it doesn’t matter what people
yourself it doesn’t matter what people
yourself it doesn’t matter what people brandy was ultimately what is inside and
brandy was ultimately what is inside and
brandy was ultimately what is inside and here these are the two things that
here these are the two things that
here these are the two things that matter the most my father taught me
matter the most my father taught me
matter the most my father taught me another thing that when you sign
another thing that when you sign
another thing that when you sign anything read the damn paper he would
anything read the damn paper he would
anything read the damn paper he would say blast it damn was a bad word in
say blast it damn was a bad word in
say blast it damn was a bad word in those days he would say read every line
those days he would say read every line
those days he would say read every line once you have signed it you are
once you have signed it you are
once you have signed it you are responsible for what your sign whether
responsible for what your sign whether
responsible for what your sign whether you go to a police station or you’re
you go to a police station or you’re
you go to a police station or you’re just writing a letter or you’re sending
just writing a letter or you’re sending
just writing a letter or you’re sending today its text SMS whatsapp all of that
today its text SMS whatsapp all of that
today its text SMS whatsapp all of that read it before you sign it
read it before you sign it
read it before you sign it whether it’s your own husband or child
whether it’s your own husband or child
whether it’s your own husband or child or father or mother or best friend
or father or mother or best friend
or father or mother or best friend giving it to you read the damn piece of
giving it to you read the damn piece of
giving it to you read the damn piece of paper because once you’ve signed on it
paper because once you’ve signed on it
paper because once you’ve signed on it that means you’re signed off it that you
that means you’re signed off it that you
that means you’re signed off it that you agree with everything that’s written
agree with everything that’s written
agree with everything that’s written down there never make the mistake of not
down there never make the mistake of not
down there never make the mistake of not signing it again and again when victims
signing it again and again when victims
signing it again and again when victims used to come to us with complaints at
used to come to us with complaints at
used to come to us with complaints at the National Commission of women I would
the National Commission of women I would
the National Commission of women I would tell them that when you go to a police
tell them that when you go to a police
tell them that when you go to a police station ask for a copy of the fyr before
station ask for a copy of the fyr before
station ask for a copy of the fyr before you sign it and receive it sorry
you sign it and receive it sorry
you sign it and receive it sorry most people in this country don’t even
most people in this country don’t even
most people in this country don’t even know that when you go to make a first
know that when you go to make a first
know that when you go to make a first information report the police are
information report the police are
information report the police are supposed to give you a
supposed to give you a
supposed to give you a and you are supposed to sign it only
and you are supposed to sign it only
and you are supposed to sign it only then can they even start the process of
then can they even start the process of
then can they even start the process of making a charge sheet which is
making a charge sheet which is
making a charge sheet which is eventually what goes if you want to go
eventually what goes if you want to go
eventually what goes if you want to go has to go before the court if you want
has to go before the court if you want
has to go before the court if you want to take the matter matter forward most
to take the matter matter forward most
to take the matter matter forward most of us don’t know it now I’d like to tell
of us don’t know it now I’d like to tell
of us don’t know it now I’d like to tell you all of this so especially to the
you all of this so especially to the
you all of this so especially to the young girls I tell you don’t be afraid
young girls I tell you don’t be afraid
young girls I tell you don’t be afraid if you feel anybody is taking a Liberty
if you feel anybody is taking a Liberty
if you feel anybody is taking a Liberty with you that you do not want them to
with you that you do not want them to
with you that you do not want them to take whatever it is psychological
take whatever it is psychological
take whatever it is psychological physical social economic protest raise
physical social economic protest raise
physical social economic protest raise your voice there is one rule about
your voice there is one rule about
your voice there is one rule about bullies when you make a noise they get
bullies when you make a noise they get
bullies when you make a noise they get scared they get put or they get you know
scared they get put or they get you know
scared they get put or they get you know they get one most of them are cowards
they get one most of them are cowards
they get one most of them are cowards bullies are normally cowards because
bullies are normally cowards because
bullies are normally cowards because they think they can get away with things
they think they can get away with things
they think they can get away with things people take advantage of others man or
people take advantage of others man or
people take advantage of others man or woman I’m not saying it’s only men who
woman I’m not saying it’s only men who
woman I’m not saying it’s only men who are the ones who do it equal number of
are the ones who do it equal number of
are the ones who do it equal number of women do it never accept somebody out
women do it never accept somebody out
women do it never accept somebody out raging your space intruding into what
raging your space intruding into what
raging your space intruding into what you feel is your space whether that
you feel is your space whether that
you feel is your space whether that space is physical or spiritual or
space is physical or spiritual or
space is physical or spiritual or intellectual whatever it is and be very
intellectual whatever it is and be very
intellectual whatever it is and be very honest with yourself like I said none of
honest with yourself like I said none of
honest with yourself like I said none of us is perfect we’re all human beings and
us is perfect we’re all human beings and
us is perfect we’re all human beings and dream big you want to achieve something
dream big you want to achieve something
dream big you want to achieve something don’t say I can only put one step out of
don’t say I can only put one step out of
don’t say I can only put one step out of this line there’s a white line here walk
this line there’s a white line here walk
this line there’s a white line here walk ten steps maybe you’ll stumble and fall
ten steps maybe you’ll stumble and fall
ten steps maybe you’ll stumble and fall because of up but don’t be afraid to
because of up but don’t be afraid to
because of up but don’t be afraid to make a mistake or stumble and fall life
make a mistake or stumble and fall life
make a mistake or stumble and fall life is never even it’s not always happy
is never even it’s not always happy
is never even it’s not always happy you’re always sad you’ll have ups and
you’re always sad you’ll have ups and
you’re always sad you’ll have ups and downs in my life I have seen so many ups
downs in my life I have seen so many ups
downs in my life I have seen so many ups and downs that you know people tell me
and downs that you know people tell me
and downs that you know people tell me oh you’re very strong I know I’m strong
oh you’re very strong I know I’m strong
oh you’re very strong I know I’m strong I don’t need others to tell that to me
I don’t need others to tell that to me
I don’t need others to tell that to me now about a year ago in December 2016 I
now about a year ago in December 2016 I
now about a year ago in December 2016 I was diagnosed with second stage breast
was diagnosed with second stage breast
was diagnosed with second stage breast cancer and at that time I was really
cancer and at that time I was really
cancer and at that time I was really earning a very good reputation for
earning a very good reputation for
earning a very good reputation for myself as the head of the chairperson of
myself as the head of the chairperson of
myself as the head of the chairperson of the NCW I must have asked myself what on
the NCW I must have asked myself what on
the NCW I must have asked myself what on earth is this every time I managed to
earth is this every time I managed to
earth is this every time I managed to you know do well what is happening
you know do well what is happening
you know do well what is happening because cancer treatment is very rough
because cancer treatment is very rough
because cancer treatment is very rough on an individual and ultimately you have
on an individual and ultimately you have
on an individual and ultimately you have to deal with it yourself nobody else can
to deal with it yourself nobody else can
to deal with it yourself nobody else can do it
do it
do it I had an excellent support system I was
I had an excellent support system I was
I had an excellent support system I was diagnosed early and I made it so I am
diagnosed early and I made it so I am
diagnosed early and I made it so I am one of those lucky ones I’m not going to
one of those lucky ones I’m not going to
one of those lucky ones I’m not going to say that I was unlucky there’s so many
say that I was unlucky there’s so many
say that I was unlucky there’s so many people with cancer nowadays and the six
people with cancer nowadays and the six
people with cancer nowadays and the six months in and out of hospital I saw so
months in and out of hospital I saw so
months in and out of hospital I saw so many people who didn’t have the
many people who didn’t have the
many people who didn’t have the resources that I had who were also
resources that I had who were also
resources that I had who were also suffering that I realized that instead
suffering that I realized that instead
suffering that I realized that instead of constantly thinking how unlucky I am
of constantly thinking how unlucky I am
of constantly thinking how unlucky I am I should actually accept how lucky I am
I should actually accept how lucky I am
I should actually accept how lucky I am that is what possibly the best way that
that is what possibly the best way that
that is what possibly the best way that you can give yourself to move forward
you can give yourself to move forward
you can give yourself to move forward and I may be 16 but I’m far from done
and I may be 16 but I’m far from done
and I may be 16 but I’m far from done that I know maybe to all of you this
that I know maybe to all of you this
that I know maybe to all of you this white hair and you know she’s old sort
white hair and you know she’s old sort
white hair and you know she’s old sort of thing to me I’m nowhere near done
of thing to me I’m nowhere near done
of thing to me I’m nowhere near done I’ve still got a long way to go and I
I’ve still got a long way to go and I
I’ve still got a long way to go and I will do it now all of this is very hard
will do it now all of this is very hard
will do it now all of this is very hard earned confidence it didn’t come so
earned confidence it didn’t come so
earned confidence it didn’t come so easily when I was a young girl I have a
easily when I was a young girl I have a
easily when I was a young girl I have a very very pretty elder sister who’s 11
very very pretty elder sister who’s 11
very very pretty elder sister who’s 11 years older than me she did an MSC in
years older than me she did an MSC in
years older than me she did an MSC in biology and zoology both in those days
biology and zoology both in those days
biology and zoology both in those days she was the gold medalist from Madras
she was the gold medalist from Madras
she was the gold medalist from Madras University went off to Moscow University
University went off to Moscow University
University went off to Moscow University to do a biotechnology and she’s the
to do a biotechnology and she’s the
to do a biotechnology and she’s the typical Indian woman very very efficient
typical Indian woman very very efficient
typical Indian woman very very efficient at everything can cook brilliantly can
at everything can cook brilliantly can
at everything can cook brilliantly can is a wonderful wife mother all of that
is a wonderful wife mother all of that
is a wonderful wife mother all of that and very pretty to boot there I was the
and very pretty to boot there I was the
and very pretty to boot there I was the third child after the first brilliant
third child after the first brilliant
third child after the first brilliant daughter and the much wanted son I was a
daughter and the much wanted son I was a
daughter and the much wanted son I was a tomboy I love cricket I love climbing
tomboy I love cricket I love climbing
tomboy I love cricket I love climbing trees at the age of 17 I fell out of a
trees at the age of 17 I fell out of a
trees at the age of 17 I fell out of a guava tree and my mother whacked me and
guava tree and my mother whacked me and
guava tree and my mother whacked me and said what are you doing in a guava tree
said what are you doing in a guava tree
said what are you doing in a guava tree I had no answer for her but that was me
I had no answer for her but that was me
I had no answer for her but that was me but I made it and my sister’s as I said
but I made it and my sister’s as I said
but I made it and my sister’s as I said 11 years older than me so at that age I
11 years older than me so at that age I
11 years older than me so at that age I didn’t know whom to ask her advice my
didn’t know whom to ask her advice my
didn’t know whom to ask her advice my father was too busy he was a very good
father was too busy he was a very good
father was too busy he was a very good man and a very good father but he had
man and a very good father but he had
man and a very good father but he had very little time to spare for anybody
very little time to spare for anybody
very little time to spare for anybody except his work my mother was well for
except his work my mother was well for
except his work my mother was well for things she had to manage all of us which
things she had to manage all of us which
things she had to manage all of us which itself was a big achievement and despite
itself was a big achievement and despite
itself was a big achievement and despite the fact that I went the best schools
the fact that I went the best schools
the fact that I went the best schools the best college and all of that despite
the best college and all of that despite
the best college and all of that despite that today I stand before you
that today I stand before you
that today I stand before you being invited for a TEDx talk is not a
being invited for a TEDx talk is not a
being invited for a TEDx talk is not a small thing so I’m not only of course
small thing so I’m not only of course
small thing so I’m not only of course very grateful to the organizers but I’m
very grateful to the organizers but I’m
very grateful to the organizers but I’m very happy to be talking to young people
very happy to be talking to young people
very happy to be talking to young people I find that y’all are you have you think
I find that y’all are you have you think
I find that y’all are you have you think out of the box continue to do that
out of the box continue to do that
out of the box continue to do that and please to end let me say that dream
and please to end let me say that dream
and please to end let me say that dream big don’t dream small if you demand
big don’t dream small if you demand
big don’t dream small if you demand something demand big don’t ask so little
something demand big don’t ask so little
something demand big don’t ask so little pieces asks for what more than what you
pieces asks for what more than what you
pieces asks for what more than what you think you deserve believe in yourself
think you deserve believe in yourself
think you deserve believe in yourself you will get there and don’t ever think
you will get there and don’t ever think
you will get there and don’t ever think that hard work is not necessary all of
that hard work is not necessary all of
that hard work is not necessary all of us have had to slog our asses off
us have had to slog our asses off
us have had to slog our asses off nothing comes to you easily but once
nothing comes to you easily but once
nothing comes to you easily but once you’ve done it on your own nobody can
you’ve done it on your own nobody can
you’ve done it on your own nobody can stop you thank you very much I hope I
stop you thank you very much I hope I
stop you thank you very much I hope I made some sense
”
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