Hello.
It’s life, we can not do anything about it.
“That’s life, that’s the way it is. “
And in Arabic: mektoub.
It’s written, it’s destiny.
God has so decided.
Who are we, humble mortals, to change the course of things?
So, if this fatalism that is transmitted from generation to generation
and who transcends cultures
can help us accept a difficult situation that happens to us,
this fatalism is not necessarily synonymous with reconstruction.
And if we can agree on the fact
that we can not go back,
that we can not change the course of events that have happened to us,
we still have to say as we say in English:
life is 20% what happens to you and 80% how you react to it.
This ability to overcome trauma is called resilience.
Originally, it was a term used in physics and engineering.
When we took an element and distorted it,
that it was lengthened, transformed, but returned to its original form.
It was called resilience and was taken back in the 90s
by American psychiatrists specializing in early childhood.
In France, it’s Boris Cyrulnik,
the famous psychiatrist who took up that expression
and who tells us that misfortune is not a destiny.
Nothing is irremediably registered and we can always get by.
One person in two must be aware
will suffer in his life any trauma.
Be it the premature loss of a loved one,
whether it’s a serious illness, a rape, a war,
one in two will face difficult events.
And you will notice in your surroundings
that some people manage to get by without any difficulty,
while others will sink into depression
and every little negative event will seem insurmountable to them.
So what is a resilient person?
First, to be resilient,
we must not deny the events,
we must not ignore the difficulties that have just arisen,
we have to face it but we must also bounce back.
Bouncing is simply adapting to the situation,
to bounce back is to come out even stronger following a traumatic event.
It is to learn from this experience,
it’s capitalizing on all that learning
to be a person even stronger than it was before.
Resilience is not hereditary,
there is no gene for resilience, it is something that can be learned.
On the other hand, there are scientific studies that have shown
that there may be euphoric hormones
that are produced in the first hours of life:
dopamine and serotonin.
And these hormones are in varying quantities.
That is, some babies will be born
with larger amounts of these hormones
and therefore will be stronger children psychologically
and stronger to become resilient beings.
However, there are other factors that are external factors
and internal factors as well.
Three main attributes that one can think of.
First, there is the character of the child:
Is it a soft child? Is he a confident child?
There is the family climate that surrounds it.
Are his parents a united couple?
Does he feel loved?
Is there heat in his home?
Security, attachment are essential
during early childhood
to help us develop our resilience.
But there is also the network of external relations, more extensive.
Is he supporting? Is it reassuring?
This network will develop for a lifetime
because it’s not just about the immediate family,
but people who can eventually become a second family.
Statistically a child who has these three attributes together
from the youngest age,
will be better prepared for life, better prepared to overcome difficulties.
Moreover, if he sees that his parents, when they face a difficulty,
are looking for ways to cope,
if his parents wove around them
a link with people to be able to talk about the difficulties they experience
rather than pretending as if nothing had happened.
At that moment, the perseverance they demonstrate,
confidence in the future they demonstrate
will also be a great example for the child
so that in turn he can build his resilience.
Being a specialist in gender equality,
Fayçal told you just now,
it’s my daily struggle for a decade,
I would add that women
probably have a predisposition to resilience.
Probably because of their experience, their history,
too often tinged with oppression, especially in some cultures,
and knowing that this is an essential trait
to have strong leaders in our businesses,
I think women can have a head start
if we give them equal opportunity to prove it.
Resilience but also emotional intelligence
which women are showing quite naturally too.
Because if want to grow a business,
you have to be a leader able to get through the storms
because, inevitably, storms will occur.
And if at the slightest blow this leader bends and flows,
he will never be able to get his team to follow him
through this storm.
So the first things to do
to be able to get out of a difficult situation
and be able to put in place its resilience,
it is not to consider oneself a victim.
There are several elements that put together can help us to be stronger
and I will give you some of these elements
that you will be able to start at the end of this event.
First, think about building your self-esteem,
your self-confidence is the basis of everything.
From the moment you believe in yourself,
you can convince others to believe in you too.
Also learn to regulate your emotions.
We must get rid of negative emotions
to emphasize positive emotions,
those that will allow you to see things on the right side,
to be optimistic, to be positive.
Always have dreams, always have goals to achieve,
challenges to overcome, projects to achieve.
Show you flexible and enthusiastic about change.
Since in all ways the changes will happen,
we are in a world in perpetual mutation,
you have to adapt to it,
you have to behave resiliently
and this is also commonly called “coping” in English.
Of course, surround yourself with positive people
who encourage you, who support you.
We all have caring people in our circle
that help us in our goals.
Identify these people
who are not there for the right reasons around you.
These people who do not always want you good.
Try to identify them and move away from them.
Have a spiritual practice.
She can be meditative, she can be religious,
no matter,
but the key is to know how to put our problems into perspective
facing the world around us.
And be in gratitude,
be grateful for everything you have
rather than complain about what you do not have
or what you would like to have.
Think of people who have a lot less than you
and who are content with it.
And then that famous fatalism of accepting things,
it is still important
because it is essential to accept situations,
to deal with them, rather than ignore them
hoping that maybe they disappear by themselves.
Sometimes it is difficult to externalize our feelings
and to express them in words.
Some people choose the arts to do that.
Painting, to express feelings, emotions.
And then the sense of humor.
A laugh is a wonderful way
to change our attitude, to see things differently.
When we talk about resilience,
we abandon this aseptic notion of life
which makes us think that everything will always be fine.
Speaking of resilience, we recognize
that we may be facing difficulties
but that there is a way out and we want to put in place
all the necessary mechanisms to bounce back.
This message is powerful especially for parents or educators
who sometimes have a tendency to want to protect their children,
to put them under a glass bell
thinking it’s the best way to keep them safe from difficulties.
But in fact, we do not give them the necessary tools
to face life, we will not always be there to protect them,
we must instead teach them the mechanisms
that will allow them to be resilient
the day a problem hits them.
We are never safe,
never safe from destructive acts against which we are without means.
That’s something I learned
during the 15 years of civil war in Lebanon.
I was only 7 years old when the war started,
I was 22 when it ended.
Now that I live in Canada,
I feel much more secure,
much safer.
But are we really safe?
Are we safe on the Champs-Élysées? In Stockholm?
Are we safe in St. Petersburg?
It does not matter where we live, whether in a country at war,
whether in a land of peace,
we are nowhere exempt from the fallout of a fight
which we never chose to take part in.
We could face aggression one day
whether it be human, whether natural,
a disaster can happen without us having control.
It is necessary to learn to overcome the worst trials
because we could one day be arbitrary targets.
The Lebanese have, for the most part, developed
great qualities through resilience,
like courage, like perseverance.
Few peoples have seen their country destroyed and rebuilt so many times
always keeping optimism, positivism and a smile.
After having been shamed for many years to talk about my tormented past,
probably unconsciously to avoid being imprisoned
in a shackles of victim that I did not want,
I take pleasure now to highlight
women’s and men’s courses
who did extraordinary things
despite the difficulties they may have experienced in their childhood.
Besides here in Morocco,
you have a most admirable example in the person of Si Miloud Chaabi.
I had the immense honor
to be invited to Rabat by her daughter, Asma Chaabi,
for the tribute to this great man, to his memory – he died a year ago.
I discovered the exceptional journey of a self-taught shepherd,
from a poor family
that one of his little brothers died of hunger.
Miloud Chaabi decided to flee at the age of 12 only.
He decided to challenge his destiny and he went from village to village,
from a little job to a little job,
until arriving in Rabat at the age of 18
to start a business in the field of construction.
And 20 years later,
he became one of the most powerful men in Morocco.
The very unlikely self made billionaire
in a universe of heirs of great families.
What touched me the most in his story,
it’s the empathy he shows
to the people he left behind.
His city of Essaouira
He is very grateful for everything he does.
He is a great man, very volunteer, very altruistic,
in caring, in solidarity
and these are qualities that promote resilience.
The worst disaster in life can not break us.
The worst thing is, if that person feels like a victim,
it is there that she will not manage to get out of it.
Sometimes the environment that wants to be benevolent
do not realize he’s locking up that person
in a victim situation,
it’s the identity he gives him and as a victim, you lose your pride.
If we are constantly feeling the pitying gaze of others on us,
how to grow, regain pride,
which is essential to be able to contribute again,
to be able to have projects that we will be proud of?
At the intersection of the individual and his environment,
resilience is an ongoing process that will last a lifetime.
Resilience is not innate,
resilience has no power to ward off hardship
to shelter us from the hard shocks of life.
On the other hand, resilience will enable us to resist difficulties,
it will allow us to develop into an even stronger being
and even if adversity crosses our path,
because there is a chance in two that adversity crosses our path.
Resilience gives us hope
to be able to lead a fulfilling life again.
Hope gives life, do not deprive yourself of it.
Thank you.
(Applause)
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