throughout the time that I’m talking to you and after this talk is done and when
you and after this talk is done and when
you and after this talk is done and when you find yourself in debates with people
you find yourself in debates with people
you find yourself in debates with people and you find yourself getting agitated I
and you find yourself getting agitated I
and you find yourself getting agitated I want you to remember one very simple
want you to remember one very simple
want you to remember one very simple thing that you have never locked eyes
thing that you have never locked eyes
thing that you have never locked eyes with another person who is not worthy of
with another person who is not worthy of
with another person who is not worthy of freedom
freedom
freedom of Liberty of connection and of
of Liberty of connection and of
of Liberty of connection and of belonging I’m gonna start by telling you
belonging I’m gonna start by telling you
belonging I’m gonna start by telling you a story of an experience that happened
a story of an experience that happened
a story of an experience that happened to me several years ago I went to the
to me several years ago I went to the
to me several years ago I went to the courthouse to argue emotion there was a
courthouse to argue emotion there was a
courthouse to argue emotion there was a partner of mine that was with me we get
partner of mine that was with me we get
partner of mine that was with me we get to the courthouse we have to argue the
to the courthouse we have to argue the
to the courthouse we have to argue the motions and chambers one of the two
motions and chambers one of the two
motions and chambers one of the two opposing counsels came up and joined us
opposing counsels came up and joined us
opposing counsels came up and joined us and as we were walking down I’m stopped
and as we were walking down I’m stopped
and as we were walking down I’m stopped a sheriff’s deputy yells out to me ma’am
a sheriff’s deputy yells out to me ma’am
a sheriff’s deputy yells out to me ma’am ma’am you can’t go back there ma’am
ma’am you can’t go back there ma’am
ma’am you can’t go back there ma’am ma’am you can’t go back there
ma’am you can’t go back there
ma’am you can’t go back there and so I pause I go towards him and in
and so I pause I go towards him and in
and so I pause I go towards him and in this interaction he essentially tells me
this interaction he essentially tells me
this interaction he essentially tells me you can’t go back there because this
you can’t go back there because this
you can’t go back there because this area is for attorneys only and so I
area is for attorneys only and so I
area is for attorneys only and so I pause I smile and I tell him I’m an
pause I smile and I tell him I’m an
pause I smile and I tell him I’m an attorney he doesn’t believe me you’re an
attorney he doesn’t believe me you’re an
attorney he doesn’t believe me you’re an attorney let me see a bar card I pause
attorney let me see a bar card I pause
attorney let me see a bar card I pause again I smile I show him my bar card my
again I smile I show him my bar card my
again I smile I show him my bar card my partner who was with me was a white male
partner who was with me was a white male
partner who was with me was a white male and he chose to take out his bar card
and he chose to take out his bar card
and he chose to take out his bar card and show his bar card as well and in
and show his bar card as well and in
and show his bar card as well and in that moment the atmosphere changed
that moment the atmosphere changed
that moment the atmosphere changed because then the sheriff’s deputy began
because then the sheriff’s deputy began
because then the sheriff’s deputy began to look at me my partner me my partner
to look at me my partner me my partner
to look at me my partner me my partner and he realized what he’d done there
and he realized what he’d done there
and he realized what he’d done there were three of us he only asked for proof
were three of us he only asked for proof
were three of us he only asked for proof from one at that moment opposing counsel
from one at that moment opposing counsel
from one at that moment opposing counsel who was with us also a white male began
who was with us also a white male began
who was with us also a white male began to say you can take my word for it we’re
to say you can take my word for it we’re
to say you can take my word for it we’re all attorneys here we’re all attorneys
all attorneys here we’re all attorneys
all attorneys here we’re all attorneys here the reason I tell you that story is
here the reason I tell you that story is
here the reason I tell you that story is not because it’s special because and my
not because it’s special because and my
not because it’s special because and my professional life I’ve had many
professional life I’ve had many
professional life I’ve had many experiences like that at courthouses
experiences like that at courthouses
experiences like that at courthouses with judges with court staff at
with judges with court staff at
with judges with court staff at depositions with colleagues there are
depositions with colleagues there are
depositions with colleagues there are different ways in which people can tell
different ways in which people can tell
different ways in which people can tell you your other you’re less than you
you your other you’re less than you
you your other you’re less than you don’t belong this table is not for you
don’t belong this table is not for you
don’t belong this table is not for you there are all kinds of ways in which we
there are all kinds of ways in which we
there are all kinds of ways in which we other and marginalize people and I could
other and marginalize people and I could
other and marginalize people and I could share those stories with you
share those stories with you
share those stories with you but I will tell you about this
but I will tell you about this
but I will tell you about this particular incident is that on the day
particular incident is that on the day
particular incident is that on the day that this happened I was flooded with
that this happened I was flooded with
that this happened I was flooded with anger and with a warmth that went along
anger and with a warmth that went along
anger and with a warmth that went along with embarrassment and humiliation that
with embarrassment and humiliation that
with embarrassment and humiliation that as I will stand in there and I paused
as I will stand in there and I paused
as I will stand in there and I paused again and smiled again and held my
again and smiled again and held my
again and smiled again and held my tongue again choosing not to point out
tongue again choosing not to point out
tongue again choosing not to point out the inconsistency that my inner voice
the inconsistency that my inner voice
the inconsistency that my inner voice was telling me don’t get too loud use
was telling me don’t get too loud use
was telling me don’t get too loud use your low voice because if you start
your low voice because if you start
your low voice because if you start talking loud they’ll say you sound
talking loud they’ll say you sound
talking loud they’ll say you sound shrill or worse hysterical we’ve all
shrill or worse hysterical we’ve all
shrill or worse hysterical we’ve all heard that one and so I have to navigate
heard that one and so I have to navigate
heard that one and so I have to navigate the stereotype of the angry black woman
the stereotype of the angry black woman
the stereotype of the angry black woman and you know who she is you’ve seen her
and you know who she is you’ve seen her
and you know who she is you’ve seen her on TV she’s that woman that some people
on TV she’s that woman that some people
on TV she’s that woman that some people see anytime a black woman has an opinion
see anytime a black woman has an opinion
see anytime a black woman has an opinion says her mind shows passion or questions
says her mind shows passion or questions
says her mind shows passion or questions the status quo stop stop
the status quo stop stop
the status quo stop stop see this is the place when stories like
see this is the place when stories like
see this is the place when stories like this are shared that the blustery and
this are shared that the blustery and
this are shared that the blustery and sometimes contemptuous responses begin
sometimes contemptuous responses begin
sometimes contemptuous responses begin this is when people begin to say things
this is when people begin to say things
this is when people begin to say things like well you don’t know that this had
like well you don’t know that this had
like well you don’t know that this had anything to do with race he didn’t say
anything to do with race he didn’t say
anything to do with race he didn’t say that he stopped you because you were
that he stopped you because you were
that he stopped you because you were black or what’s the problem they’re
black or what’s the problem they’re
black or what’s the problem they’re supposed to check everybody who goes
supposed to check everybody who goes
supposed to check everybody who goes back there towards chambers he had the
back there towards chambers he had the
back there towards chambers he had the right to check you or law enforcement
right to check you or law enforcement
right to check you or law enforcement have a very tough job they put their
have a very tough job they put their
have a very tough job they put their lives at risk to keep us safe and
lives at risk to keep us safe and
lives at risk to keep us safe and whatever they asked you to do you just
whatever they asked you to do you just
whatever they asked you to do you just need to do it we hear those responses we
need to do it we hear those responses we
need to do it we hear those responses we hear the responses where people say here
hear the responses where people say here
hear the responses where people say here we go again
we go again
we go again another person of color talking about
another person of color talking about
another person of color talking about race again
race again
race again Oh minority playing the race card I hear
Oh minority playing the race card I hear
Oh minority playing the race card I hear those comments I read those comments we
those comments I read those comments we
those comments I read those comments we experience
experience
experience comments and what we do when we react
comments and what we do when we react
comments and what we do when we react like that to real stories of real people
like that to real stories of real people
like that to real stories of real people is we find a way to say your story does
is we find a way to say your story does
is we find a way to say your story does not matter the disparate treatment that
not matter the disparate treatment that
not matter the disparate treatment that you experience doesn’t matter
you experience doesn’t matter
you experience doesn’t matter discrimination doesn’t matter your
discrimination doesn’t matter your
discrimination doesn’t matter your reality doesn’t matter when we do that
reality doesn’t matter when we do that
reality doesn’t matter when we do that we refuse to give visibility to the
we refuse to give visibility to the
we refuse to give visibility to the truth and the experiences of people and
truth and the experiences of people and
truth and the experiences of people and when we do that around racial injustice
when we do that around racial injustice
when we do that around racial injustice or impression or any kind of bigotry or
or impression or any kind of bigotry or
or impression or any kind of bigotry or ism what we do is we amplify the impact
ism what we do is we amplify the impact
ism what we do is we amplify the impact and I see this I see that we engage in
and I see this I see that we engage in
and I see this I see that we engage in these conversations that turn into
these conversations that turn into
these conversations that turn into shouting Wars we see it on TV we see it
shouting Wars we see it on TV we see it
shouting Wars we see it on TV we see it in the political sphere we see it in the
in the political sphere we see it in the
in the political sphere we see it in the comment sections of the news my goodness
comment sections of the news my goodness
comment sections of the news my goodness the comment sections that’s where good
the comment sections that’s where good
the comment sections that’s where good hearts go to die a slow death from the
hearts go to die a slow death from the
hearts go to die a slow death from the shame trolls but that’s what we’ve come
shame trolls but that’s what we’ve come
shame trolls but that’s what we’ve come to in how we engage in difficult
to in how we engage in difficult
to in how we engage in difficult discussions we don’t engage we shout out
discussions we don’t engage we shout out
discussions we don’t engage we shout out one another and I’ll give a mild example
one another and I’ll give a mild example
one another and I’ll give a mild example one that I sometimes face when I’m
one that I sometimes face when I’m
one that I sometimes face when I’m trying to convince people of structural
trying to convince people of structural
trying to convince people of structural and systemic problems that we have to
and systemic problems that we have to
and systemic problems that we have to address and I’m talking about people who
address and I’m talking about people who
address and I’m talking about people who are educated people who are aware and
are educated people who are aware and
are educated people who are aware and people who are good hearted and want to
people who are good hearted and want to
people who are good hearted and want to do good things and it may be something
do good things and it may be something
do good things and it may be something as simple as you know we have some
as simple as you know we have some
as simple as you know we have some issues that we really need to talk about
issues that we really need to talk about
issues that we really need to talk about because our professionals of color are
because our professionals of color are
because our professionals of color are facing some obstacles in the
facing some obstacles in the
facing some obstacles in the organization and our black professionals
organization and our black professionals
organization and our black professionals are the ones facing it the worst and we
are the ones facing it the worst and we
are the ones facing it the worst and we need to address these issues because
need to address these issues because
need to address these issues because part of what’s going on is that our
part of what’s going on is that our
part of what’s going on is that our leadership doesn’t really relate to
leadership doesn’t really relate to
leadership doesn’t really relate to these issues because they’re mostly
these issues because they’re mostly
these issues because they’re mostly white and they enjoy a white privilege
white and they enjoy a white privilege
white and they enjoy a white privilege white privilege I hate that word why do
white privilege I hate that word why do
white privilege I hate that word why do people always have to talk about white
people always have to talk about white
people always have to talk about white privilege I don’t have privilege I grew
privilege I don’t have privilege I grew
privilege I don’t have privilege I grew up poor I understand I understand you
up poor I understand I understand you
up poor I understand I understand you grew up poor but when we’re talking
grew up poor but when we’re talking
grew up poor but when we’re talking about white privilege we’re not talking
about white privilege we’re not talking
about white privilege we’re not talking about poverty we’re talking about
about poverty we’re talking about
about poverty we’re talking about benefits that you may receive
benefits that you may receive
benefits that you may receive you have not earned and you receive them
you have not earned and you receive them
you have not earned and you receive them because of your race and it’s something
because of your race and it’s something
because of your race and it’s something that other people don’t have
that other people don’t have
that other people don’t have I earned everything that I have I worked
I earned everything that I have I worked
I earned everything that I have I worked hard to get here I understand you worked
hard to get here I understand you worked
hard to get here I understand you worked hard but so did I and so did so many
hard but so did I and so did so many
hard but so did I and so did so many other professionals of color but it’s
other professionals of color but it’s
other professionals of color but it’s not an issue of working hard it’s an
not an issue of working hard it’s an
not an issue of working hard it’s an issue of biases that exist in
issue of biases that exist in
issue of biases that exist in organizational barriers what barriers I
organizational barriers what barriers I
organizational barriers what barriers I don’t believe that I believe that if you
don’t believe that I believe that if you
don’t believe that I believe that if you work hard and you follow the rules and
work hard and you follow the rules and
work hard and you follow the rules and you do what needs to be done you can
you do what needs to be done you can
you do what needs to be done you can succeed in this organization oh okay so
succeed in this organization oh okay so
succeed in this organization oh okay so you were not the implicit bias training
you were not the implicit bias training
you were not the implicit bias training session that we did you know that’s not
session that we did you know that’s not
session that we did you know that’s not true you know that there are things that
true you know that there are things that
true you know that there are things that people face that are different no I
people face that are different no I
people face that are different no I don’t Cory I don’t agree with that
don’t Cory I don’t agree with that
don’t Cory I don’t agree with that everybody has their struggles everybody
everybody has their struggles everybody
everybody has their struggles everybody has stuff that they go through but this
has stuff that they go through but this
has stuff that they go through but this is not an issue that continues to exist
is not an issue that continues to exist
is not an issue that continues to exist we’ve had civil rights laws in this
we’ve had civil rights laws in this
we’ve had civil rights laws in this country for years and I get so sick of
country for years and I get so sick of
country for years and I get so sick of people continue to talk about racism as
people continue to talk about racism as
people continue to talk about racism as if it’s still here okay I know that
if it’s still here okay I know that
if it’s still here okay I know that we’ve had civil rights laws on the books
we’ve had civil rights laws on the books
we’ve had civil rights laws on the books but that does not mean the realities of
but that does not mean the realities of
but that does not mean the realities of people have changed that much you know
people have changed that much you know
people have changed that much you know what Cory if there isn’t even an issue
what Cory if there isn’t even an issue
what Cory if there isn’t even an issue with race
with race
with race I believe it’s reverse racism I believe
I believe it’s reverse racism I believe
I believe it’s reverse racism I believe that as a white person I’m the one who’s
that as a white person I’m the one who’s
that as a white person I’m the one who’s at a disadvantage because the truth is
at a disadvantage because the truth is
at a disadvantage because the truth is everybody’s talking about all this
everybody’s talking about all this
everybody’s talking about all this diversity stuff and all that means is
diversity stuff and all that means is
diversity stuff and all that means is opportunities that people should have to
opportunities that people should have to
opportunities that people should have to work for are being given to people who
work for are being given to people who
work for are being given to people who haven’t earned it and in my perspective
haven’t earned it and in my perspective
haven’t earned it and in my perspective in my opinion it’s a sad day in America
in my opinion it’s a sad day in America
in my opinion it’s a sad day in America to be a white man whoa
to be a white man whoa
to be a white man whoa reverse racism rebirth a sad day in
reverse racism rebirth a sad day in
reverse racism rebirth a sad day in America to be a white man do you know
America to be a white man do you know
America to be a white man do you know what it feels like to go to the store
what it feels like to go to the store
what it feels like to go to the store and have somebody follow you around like
and have somebody follow you around like
and have somebody follow you around like you’re a thief you know what that feels
you’re a thief you know what that feels
you’re a thief you know what that feels like you know it feels like to be going
like you know it feels like to be going
like you know it feels like to be going to go pick up your kids from preschool
to go pick up your kids from preschool
to go pick up your kids from preschool and get pulled over for driving while
and get pulled over for driving while
and get pulled over for driving while black and have the police officers pull
black and have the police officers pull
black and have the police officers pull up on both sides of your vehicle with
up on both sides of your vehicle with
up on both sides of your vehicle with their hand on their weapon do you know
their hand on their weapon do you know
their hand on their weapon do you know what that feels like dude do you know
what that feels like dude do you know
what that feels like dude do you know what it feels like to drop your kids off
what it feels like to drop your kids off
what it feels like to drop your kids off at school and
at school and
at school and under what kind of disparate disciplines
under what kind of disparate disciplines
under what kind of disparate disciplines they’ll face I bet you have no clue what
they’ll face I bet you have no clue what
they’ll face I bet you have no clue what that’s about while you’re standing here
that’s about while you’re standing here
that’s about while you’re standing here talking to me about a sad day to be a
talking to me about a sad day to be a
talking to me about a sad day to be a white man in America I have friends who
white man in America I have friends who
white man in America I have friends who sit up at night wondering about their
sit up at night wondering about their
sit up at night wondering about their kids coming home safe that’s not
kids coming home safe that’s not
kids coming home safe that’s not something that you have to deal with and
something that you have to deal with and
something that you have to deal with and let me tell you something
let me tell you something
let me tell you something you don’t know what it feels like to be
you don’t know what it feels like to be
you don’t know what it feels like to be walking back to your dorm room with your
walking back to your dorm room with your
walking back to your dorm room with your friends and as you’re walking back a
friends and as you’re walking back a
friends and as you’re walking back a group of men across the street who are
group of men across the street who are
group of men across the street who are apparently drunk and half dressed are
apparently drunk and half dressed are
apparently drunk and half dressed are yelling across at you nigger bitch this
yelling across at you nigger bitch this
yelling across at you nigger bitch this is the trash that this college has
is the trash that this college has
is the trash that this college has brought to our town you don’t know what
brought to our town you don’t know what
brought to our town you don’t know what that feels like you don’t know what it
that feels like you don’t know what it
that feels like you don’t know what it feels like to be flooded with anger and
feels like to be flooded with anger and
feels like to be flooded with anger and to want to say something but know that
to want to say something but know that
to want to say something but know that you can’t because if you do thinks me
you can’t because if you do thinks me
you can’t because if you do thinks me escalating you don’t feel safe and to
escalating you don’t feel safe and to
escalating you don’t feel safe and to share that experience with people that
share that experience with people that
share that experience with people that you love and have them tell you it’s not
you love and have them tell you it’s not
you love and have them tell you it’s not a big deal this is a safe town nothing
a big deal this is a safe town nothing
a big deal this is a safe town nothing would have happened you don’t know what
would have happened you don’t know what
would have happened you don’t know what that feels like so don’t stand here
that feels like so don’t stand here
that feels like so don’t stand here telling me that it’s a sad day to be a
telling me that it’s a sad day to be a
telling me that it’s a sad day to be a white man in America you see what I did
white man in America you see what I did
white man in America you see what I did that’s what we do I say to the person
that’s what we do I say to the person
that’s what we do I say to the person who’s talking about their discomfort
who’s talking about their discomfort
who’s talking about their discomfort that your experience doesn’t matter
that your experience doesn’t matter
that your experience doesn’t matter because I have one that’s bigger and
because I have one that’s bigger and
because I have one that’s bigger and more powerful and when we do that we
more powerful and when we do that we
more powerful and when we do that we marginalize one another and I see us
marginalize one another and I see us
marginalize one another and I see us doing this in our country and in the
doing this in our country and in the
doing this in our country and in the world on every thing we stand today
world on every thing we stand today
world on every thing we stand today behind a national backdrop where we
behind a national backdrop where we
behind a national backdrop where we point fingers and use harsh rhetoric
point fingers and use harsh rhetoric
point fingers and use harsh rhetoric against people because of where they
against people because of where they
against people because of where they were born because of their religion
were born because of their religion
were born because of their religion because of their gender identity their
because of their gender identity their
because of their gender identity their gender expression their sexual
gender expression their sexual
gender expression their sexual orientation and how their families are
orientation and how their families are
orientation and how their families are constructed we do this and we’re tearing
constructed we do this and we’re tearing
constructed we do this and we’re tearing ourselves apart and so the question that
ourselves apart and so the question that
ourselves apart and so the question that I have for us today is what does it look
I have for us today is what does it look
I have for us today is what does it look like if we do things completely
like if we do things completely
like if we do things completely differently what if there’s another way
differently what if there’s another way
differently what if there’s another way and the question that I start by asking
and the question that I start by asking
and the question that I start by asking myself is what does it look like to make
myself is what does it look like to make
myself is what does it look like to make space for all our experiences
space for all our experiences
space for all our experiences to make space for my truth and your
to make space for my truth and your
to make space for my truth and your truth to make space for my anger and
truth to make space for my anger and
truth to make space for my anger and your grief your guilt my defensive nests
your grief your guilt my defensive nests
your grief your guilt my defensive nests my fear of the future and your hope for
my fear of the future and your hope for
my fear of the future and your hope for the future what does it look like for us
the future what does it look like for us
the future what does it look like for us to make space for those things to sit
to make space for those things to sit
to make space for those things to sit side-by-side and in order for us to do
side-by-side and in order for us to do
side-by-side and in order for us to do that in order for us to embrace that I
that in order for us to embrace that I
that in order for us to embrace that I believe that we have to join in being
believe that we have to join in being
believe that we have to join in being courageous having courageous
courageous having courageous
courageous having courageous conversations and walking and courage
conversations and walking and courage
conversations and walking and courage and to do that there are five things I
and to do that there are five things I
and to do that there are five things I believe we must embrace first we must
believe we must embrace first we must
believe we must embrace first we must listen and we must listen very
listen and we must listen very
listen and we must listen very differently than we have up until now we
differently than we have up until now we
differently than we have up until now we have to learn to listen to understand
have to learn to listen to understand
have to learn to listen to understand what is being said and to hear from here
what is being said and to hear from here
what is being said and to hear from here beyond what we hear from here we have to
beyond what we hear from here we have to
beyond what we hear from here we have to listen in ways that we are empathetic
listen in ways that we are empathetic
listen in ways that we are empathetic and we cannot be empathetic when we’re
and we cannot be empathetic when we’re
and we cannot be empathetic when we’re busy telling people how to feel about
busy telling people how to feel about
busy telling people how to feel about their life there are times that
their life there are times that
their life there are times that listening means we must be silent silent
listening means we must be silent silent
listening means we must be silent silent because you don’t have anything to say
because you don’t have anything to say
because you don’t have anything to say that adds to the conversation silence
that adds to the conversation silence
that adds to the conversation silence because if you open your mouth you’re
because if you open your mouth you’re
because if you open your mouth you’re going to make it about you and it’s not
going to make it about you and it’s not
going to make it about you and it’s not about you we have to learn listen in
about you we have to learn listen in
about you we have to learn listen in ways that are judgment free too many
ways that are judgment free too many
ways that are judgment free too many times we’re busy telling people how they
times we’re busy telling people how they
times we’re busy telling people how they should feel how they should protest how
should feel how they should protest how
should feel how they should protest how they should speak up how they should be
they should speak up how they should be
they should speak up how they should be activists and we don’t get to tell
activists and we don’t get to tell
activists and we don’t get to tell people about their reality not too long
people about their reality not too long
people about their reality not too long ago I was sharing a conversation with
ago I was sharing a conversation with
ago I was sharing a conversation with someone and he tried to tell me about me
someone and he tried to tell me about me
someone and he tried to tell me about me and I had to say dude I’ve been a black
and I had to say dude I’ve been a black
and I had to say dude I’ve been a black woman for a long time you don’t get to
woman for a long time you don’t get to
woman for a long time you don’t get to tell me about my experience second we
tell me about my experience second we
tell me about my experience second we have to cultivate curiosity so what does
have to cultivate curiosity so what does
have to cultivate curiosity so what does that look like to put on a mindset of
that look like to put on a mindset of
that look like to put on a mindset of learning what does that look like to say
learning what does that look like to say
learning what does that look like to say I want to know about the experiences
I want to know about the experiences
I want to know about the experiences that go beyond my lived experiences what
that go beyond my lived experiences what
that go beyond my lived experiences what does it look like for me to look at the
does it look like for me to look at the
does it look like for me to look at the world through the lens
world through the lens
world through the lens is that other people share what does it
is that other people share what does it
is that other people share what does it look like to hear something that bothers
look like to hear something that bothers
look like to hear something that bothers me and to instead say where is that
me and to instead say where is that
me and to instead say where is that coming from for you why do you think
coming from for you why do you think
coming from for you why do you think that when you think about that
that when you think about that
that when you think about that experience and what happened with you
experience and what happened with you
experience and what happened with you how did that make you feel what do you
how did that make you feel what do you
how did that make you feel what do you want from me o best I’m listening
want from me o best I’m listening
want from me o best I’m listening cultivate curiosity seek a cultural
cultivate curiosity seek a cultural
cultivate curiosity seek a cultural mentor find somebody who can take you to
mentor find somebody who can take you to
mentor find somebody who can take you to the places that you haven’t been before
the places that you haven’t been before
the places that you haven’t been before somebody that you can ask questions
somebody that you can ask questions
somebody that you can ask questions somebody who is willing to share with
somebody who is willing to share with
somebody who is willing to share with you the things that you don’t know we’re
you the things that you don’t know we’re
you the things that you don’t know we’re going to need it on this journey because
going to need it on this journey because
going to need it on this journey because none of us knows at all third we must
none of us knows at all third we must
none of us knows at all third we must negotiate our relationship with
negotiate our relationship with
negotiate our relationship with vulnerability there’s nothing about this
vulnerability there’s nothing about this
vulnerability there’s nothing about this experience that is fun there’s nothing
experience that is fun there’s nothing
experience that is fun there’s nothing about this experience that’s comfortable
about this experience that’s comfortable
about this experience that’s comfortable and easy even for those of us who do it
and easy even for those of us who do it
and easy even for those of us who do it all the time you will get angry you will
all the time you will get angry you will
all the time you will get angry you will get frustrated you will want to call
get frustrated you will want to call
get frustrated you will want to call names and sometimes we will slip up when
names and sometimes we will slip up when
names and sometimes we will slip up when we’re not mindful and we won’t be very
we’re not mindful and we won’t be very
we’re not mindful and we won’t be very gracious well we’re called to be
gracious well we’re called to be
gracious well we’re called to be gracious in this process and we’re
gracious in this process and we’re
gracious in this process and we’re called to do this thing that’s not
called to do this thing that’s not
called to do this thing that’s not comfortable and so for me it may be
comfortable and so for me it may be
comfortable and so for me it may be standing up here as a black woman and
standing up here as a black woman and
standing up here as a black woman and telling you things that actually happen
telling you things that actually happen
telling you things that actually happen to me and it doesn’t feel good because
to me and it doesn’t feel good because
to me and it doesn’t feel good because I’m opening it up myself to being
I’m opening it up myself to being
I’m opening it up myself to being ridiculed to being judged to being
ridiculed to being judged to being
ridiculed to being judged to being criticized and no one wants that it’s
criticized and no one wants that it’s
criticized and no one wants that it’s why the conversations that we black
why the conversations that we black
why the conversations that we black people have when we’re with each other
people have when we’re with each other
people have when we’re with each other is very different than the conversations
is very different than the conversations
is very different than the conversations we have when we’re a mixed company
we have when we’re a mixed company
we have when we’re a mixed company because we’ve been told you’re playing
because we’ve been told you’re playing
because we’ve been told you’re playing the race card that’s not real and all
the race card that’s not real and all
the race card that’s not real and all sorts of things and on the other end the
sorts of things and on the other end the
sorts of things and on the other end the vulnerability maybe you don’t want to
vulnerability maybe you don’t want to
vulnerability maybe you don’t want to ask a question and have somebody call
ask a question and have somebody call
ask a question and have somebody call you racist or have someone say to you
you racist or have someone say to you
you racist or have someone say to you Google is your friend look it up or
Google is your friend look it up or
Google is your friend look it up or someone say to you
someone say to you
someone say to you that’s my emotional labor I’m really
that’s my emotional labor I’m really
that’s my emotional labor I’m really glad that you finally come to the party
glad that you finally come to the party
glad that you finally come to the party but we’ve been dealing with this for a
but we’ve been dealing with this for a
but we’ve been dealing with this for a long time so you need to go figure that
long time so you need to go figure that
long time so you need to go figure that out
out
out but we have to sit in that space of
but we have to sit in that space of
but we have to sit in that space of vulnerability and say to ourselves no
vulnerability and say to ourselves no
vulnerability and say to ourselves no matter how messy it gets no matter how
matter how messy it gets no matter how
matter how messy it gets no matter how painful it gets that we will do it and
painful it gets that we will do it and
painful it gets that we will do it and we will do it again and what that means
we will do it again and what that means
we will do it again and what that means is that we’re going to be called
is that we’re going to be called
is that we’re going to be called sometimes to speak up to stand up and to
sometimes to speak up to stand up and to
sometimes to speak up to stand up and to do something because when we decide to
do something because when we decide to
do something because when we decide to build community with each other when we
build community with each other when we
build community with each other when we decide to create belonging what that
decide to create belonging what that
decide to create belonging what that means is that when something is
means is that when something is
means is that when something is happening to me
happening to me
happening to me you speak and when something is
you speak and when something is
you speak and when something is happening to you we speak and when
happening to you we speak and when
happening to you we speak and when somebody’s saying something about your
somebody’s saying something about your
somebody’s saying something about your transgender daughter that I speak
transgender daughter that I speak
transgender daughter that I speak because we belong to each other and so
because we belong to each other and so
because we belong to each other and so it may be something as simple as taking
it may be something as simple as taking
it may be something as simple as taking out your bar card and interrupting the
out your bar card and interrupting the
out your bar card and interrupting the moment or it may require more from you
moment or it may require more from you
moment or it may require more from you it may require you to give up your card
it may require you to give up your card
it may require you to give up your card of being the easygoing person at the
of being the easygoing person at the
of being the easygoing person at the Thanksgiving table when you have to say
Thanksgiving table when you have to say
Thanksgiving table when you have to say something to Uncle Bob
something to Uncle Bob
something to Uncle Bob but we can do it and it has to be done
but we can do it and it has to be done
but we can do it and it has to be done because silence in the face of tragedy
because silence in the face of tragedy
because silence in the face of tragedy and oppression is deafening and we can’t
and oppression is deafening and we can’t
and oppression is deafening and we can’t afford not to speak for each other which
afford not to speak for each other which
afford not to speak for each other which brings me to belong in the fifth thing
brings me to belong in the fifth thing
brings me to belong in the fifth thing we must begin to reinterpret how we
we must begin to reinterpret how we
we must begin to reinterpret how we define belonging we live in these silos
define belonging we live in these silos
define belonging we live in these silos isolated from one another
isolated from one another
isolated from one another detached from the experiences from one
detached from the experiences from one
detached from the experiences from one another but what does it mean to be
another but what does it mean to be
another but what does it mean to be American what does it mean to believe in
American what does it mean to believe in
American what does it mean to believe in Liberty to believe in freedom to believe
Liberty to believe in freedom to believe
Liberty to believe in freedom to believe in justice what are those things for us
in justice what are those things for us
in justice what are those things for us that’s where we need to sit to connect
that’s where we need to sit to connect
that’s where we need to sit to connect across our shared values to say how do I
across our shared values to say how do I
across our shared values to say how do I build a circle of belonging that
build a circle of belonging that
build a circle of belonging that encompasses humanity in a different way
encompasses humanity in a different way
encompasses humanity in a different way that transcends differences that
that transcends differences that
that transcends differences that transcends diversity that transcends
transcends diversity that transcends
transcends diversity that transcends race because until we are able to do
race because until we are able to do
race because until we are able to do those things we will not be able to
those things we will not be able to
those things we will not be able to tackle the problem of racism now the
tackle the problem of racism now the
tackle the problem of racism now the truth is I’ve told you some stories and
truth is I’ve told you some stories and
truth is I’ve told you some stories and many of us in this room would probably
many of us in this room would probably
many of us in this room would probably never use the n-word or B word and we’ve
never use the n-word or B word and we’ve
never use the n-word or B word and we’ve cleaned it up sanitized
cleaned it up sanitized
cleaned it up sanitized as if that’s how people talk except when
as if that’s how people talk except when
as if that’s how people talk except when somebody wants to strip you and degrade
somebody wants to strip you and degrade
somebody wants to strip you and degrade you they do use the real words and the
you they do use the real words and the
you they do use the real words and the challenge is that Charlottesville and
challenge is that Charlottesville and
challenge is that Charlottesville and Charleston is not how everyday racism
Charleston is not how everyday racism
Charleston is not how everyday racism shows up it dresses up or wears high
shows up it dresses up or wears high
shows up it dresses up or wears high heels and we normalize it so I don’t
heels and we normalize it so I don’t
heels and we normalize it so I don’t know about you I find myself exhausted
know about you I find myself exhausted
know about you I find myself exhausted and wanting something new and so I leave
and wanting something new and so I leave
and wanting something new and so I leave with you this definition of courage an
with you this definition of courage an
with you this definition of courage an invitation to courageous being that
invitation to courageous being that
invitation to courageous being that courage is doing the thing that you
courage is doing the thing that you
courage is doing the thing that you don’t want to do the thing that’s icky
don’t want to do the thing that’s icky
don’t want to do the thing that’s icky but it needs to be done I invite you to
but it needs to be done I invite you to
but it needs to be done I invite you to do the saying that you don’t want to do
do the saying that you don’t want to do
do the saying that you don’t want to do but that needs to be done because it is
but that needs to be done because it is
but that needs to be done because it is in doing those things small repeating
in doing those things small repeating
in doing those things small repeating over and over that we become courageous
over and over that we become courageous
over and over that we become courageous courage is a practice but if we’re going
courage is a practice but if we’re going
courage is a practice but if we’re going to create a new way of belonging and
to create a new way of belonging and
to create a new way of belonging and being a community we must be courageous
being a community we must be courageous
being a community we must be courageous and that’s my invitation to you and so
and that’s my invitation to you and so
and that’s my invitation to you and so as I walk off the stage please remember
as I walk off the stage please remember
as I walk off the stage please remember that as we build belonging and community
that as we build belonging and community
that as we build belonging and community acht eyes with a person who is not
acht eyes with a person who is not
acht eyes with a person who is not deserving of freedom liberty connection
deserving of freedom liberty connection
deserving of freedom liberty connection and belonging thank you
”
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