I’d like to start today by introducing you to one of my most trustworthy
you to one of my most trustworthy
you to one of my most trustworthy mentors she’s the short one in the
mentors she’s the short one in the
mentors she’s the short one in the middle that I’m hugging that’s my
middle that I’m hugging that’s my
middle that I’m hugging that’s my daughter she’s also five and the reef
daughter she’s also five and the reef
daughter she’s also five and the reef and I think of her as one of my mentors
and I think of her as one of my mentors
and I think of her as one of my mentors is because she’s always having these
is because she’s always having these
is because she’s always having these just really great moments of insight and
just really great moments of insight and
just really great moments of insight and wisdom when we’re doing something
wisdom when we’re doing something
wisdom when we’re doing something completely ordinary so my story actually
completely ordinary so my story actually
completely ordinary so my story actually starts a couple months back we’d had a
starts a couple months back we’d had a
starts a couple months back we’d had a pretty heavy rain that morning and she
pretty heavy rain that morning and she
pretty heavy rain that morning and she and I were headed into school so we’ve
and I were headed into school so we’ve
and I were headed into school so we’ve parked we’ve gotten out of the car
parked we’ve gotten out of the car
parked we’ve gotten out of the car managed to get her backpack on and we’re
managed to get her backpack on and we’re
managed to get her backpack on and we’re walking up towards a sidewalk and she
walking up towards a sidewalk and she
walking up towards a sidewalk and she stops me and says look mommy a puddle
stops me and says look mommy a puddle
stops me and says look mommy a puddle and then she says let’s jump in it so
and then she says let’s jump in it so
and then she says let’s jump in it so for the other parents out there you
for the other parents out there you
for the other parents out there you already know my first idea was not let’s
already know my first idea was not let’s
already know my first idea was not let’s jump in it but when I saw the look of
jump in it but when I saw the look of
jump in it but when I saw the look of just excitement and sheer joy on her
just excitement and sheer joy on her
just excitement and sheer joy on her face I knew that I was going to have to
face I knew that I was going to have to
face I knew that I was going to have to make that happen for her so we
make that happen for her so we
make that happen for her so we strategize a little bit we decide we’ll
strategize a little bit we decide we’ll
strategize a little bit we decide we’ll grab hands count to three and then jump
grab hands count to three and then jump
grab hands count to three and then jump in the puddle so we’ve done a little bit
in the puddle so we’ve done a little bit
in the puddle so we’ve done a little bit of planning so when we go we’re
of planning so when we go we’re
of planning so when we go we’re splashing around I think some of the
splashing around I think some of the
splashing around I think some of the other parents walking in thought I was a
other parents walking in thought I was a
other parents walking in thought I was a little bit crazy but totally worth it we
little bit crazy but totally worth it we
little bit crazy but totally worth it we had a lot of fun that morning as we did
had a lot of fun that morning as we did
had a lot of fun that morning as we did that together but it was actually on my
that together but it was actually on my
that together but it was actually on my way to work that I had a really
way to work that I had a really
way to work that I had a really interesting thought why was it that my
interesting thought why was it that my
interesting thought why was it that my daughter saw something as regular as a
daughter saw something as regular as a
daughter saw something as regular as a puddle and immediately went to this
puddle and immediately went to this
puddle and immediately went to this place of joy and then I went to a place
place of joy and then I went to a place
place of joy and then I went to a place of caution and I think that’s because
of caution and I think that’s because
of caution and I think that’s because joy when we really sit with it makes us
joy when we really sit with it makes us
joy when we really sit with it makes us feel vulnerable brené Brown says that
feel vulnerable brené Brown says that
feel vulnerable brené Brown says that joy is the most vulnerable emotion that
joy is the most vulnerable emotion that
joy is the most vulnerable emotion that we experienced and I think it’s always
we experienced and I think it’s always
we experienced and I think it’s always kind of funny when you hear about
kind of funny when you hear about
kind of funny when you hear about something in the research and read that
something in the research and read that
something in the research and read that and then you realize oh my gosh that’s
and then you realize oh my gosh that’s
and then you realize oh my gosh that’s me Rene Brown knows me and I really had
me Rene Brown knows me and I really had
me Rene Brown knows me and I really had that experience that morning because my
that experience that morning because my
that experience that morning because my daughter and I had very different
daughter and I had very different
daughter and I had very different reactions to what was this moment of joy
reactions to what was this moment of joy
reactions to what was this moment of joy and just who took two different paths
and just who took two different paths
and just who took two different paths and I think joy is interesting like that
and I think joy is interesting like that
and I think joy is interesting like that right so some of us go to this place
right so some of us go to this place
right so some of us go to this place where we can just enjoy it and have fun
where we can just enjoy it and have fun
where we can just enjoy it and have fun we feel grateful and some of us feel
we feel grateful and some of us feel
we feel grateful and some of us feel that for a minute and then we start
that for a minute and then we start
that for a minute and then we start thinking about all the stuff that might
thinking about all the stuff that might
thinking about all the stuff that might go wrong right the other shoe is going
go wrong right the other shoe is going
go wrong right the other shoe is going to drop I like to illustrate that a
to drop I like to illustrate that a
to drop I like to illustrate that a little further with what I call
little further with what I call
little further with what I call perceived dirt
perceived dirt
perceived dirt versus actual dirt so let’s take a look
versus actual dirt so let’s take a look
versus actual dirt so let’s take a look at the perceived dirt first in my mind I
at the perceived dirt first in my mind I
at the perceived dirt first in my mind I was like this is going to be a mud run
was like this is going to be a mud run
was like this is going to be a mud run she’s going to be filthy covered head to
she’s going to be filthy covered head to
she’s going to be filthy covered head to toe dirt we’re gonna have to go home and
toe dirt we’re gonna have to go home and
toe dirt we’re gonna have to go home and change clothes I was concerned she might
change clothes I was concerned she might
change clothes I was concerned she might get hurt my luck I would definitely get
get hurt my luck I would definitely get
get hurt my luck I would definitely get hurt but nothing good was going to come
hurt but nothing good was going to come
hurt but nothing good was going to come from this experience in the puddle but
from this experience in the puddle but
from this experience in the puddle but let’s take a look at the actual dirt
let’s take a look at the actual dirt
let’s take a look at the actual dirt instead yep that’s it if you look really
instead yep that’s it if you look really
instead yep that’s it if you look really closely you might actually be able to
closely you might actually be able to
closely you might actually be able to see some but other than that you know no
see some but other than that you know no
see some but other than that you know no cuts no bruises just evidence of a
cuts no bruises just evidence of a
cuts no bruises just evidence of a little girl having a great time with her
little girl having a great time with her
little girl having a great time with her mom that morning now I know at this
mom that morning now I know at this
mom that morning now I know at this point you’re thinking Alicia of course
point you’re thinking Alicia of course
point you’re thinking Alicia of course she felt joy she’s five she hasn’t been
she felt joy she’s five she hasn’t been
she felt joy she’s five she hasn’t been beaten down by life yet and that’s true
beaten down by life yet and that’s true
beaten down by life yet and that’s true but let’s think about a group of people
but let’s think about a group of people
but let’s think about a group of people who have traveled the road of utter
who have traveled the road of utter
who have traveled the road of utter despair grad students and seriously if
despair grad students and seriously if
despair grad students and seriously if you are one or you have been you know
you are one or you have been you know
you are one or you have been you know that that struggle is very real but in
that that struggle is very real but in
that that struggle is very real but in all seriousness I went to a graduation
all seriousness I went to a graduation
all seriousness I went to a graduation ceremony recently and I was standing
ceremony recently and I was standing
ceremony recently and I was standing where the students were lining up to
where the students were lining up to
where the students were lining up to walk across the stage and I could kind
walk across the stage and I could kind
walk across the stage and I could kind of hear them talking and one of the
of hear them talking and one of the
of hear them talking and one of the students was saying you know what if
students was saying you know what if
students was saying you know what if this whole thing is just a total waste
this whole thing is just a total waste
this whole thing is just a total waste of time I feel like I’ve put so much
of time I feel like I’ve put so much
of time I feel like I’ve put so much into this I don’t even know if I’m going
into this I don’t even know if I’m going
into this I don’t even know if I’m going to get a good job after this and I feel
to get a good job after this and I feel
to get a good job after this and I feel like I need to start thinking about the
like I need to start thinking about the
like I need to start thinking about the next program that i’m gonna apply to and
next program that i’m gonna apply to and
next program that i’m gonna apply to and then her friend who i’m assuming was her
then her friend who i’m assuming was her
then her friend who i’m assuming was her friend replied back to her and she said
friend replied back to her and she said
friend replied back to her and she said yeah I kind of thought about that too
yeah I kind of thought about that too
yeah I kind of thought about that too but hey are you coming to my party
but hey are you coming to my party
but hey are you coming to my party tonight I actually think I might throw
tonight I actually think I might throw
tonight I actually think I might throw myself a couple parties this month
myself a couple parties this month
myself a couple parties this month because I am so glad this is over they
because I am so glad this is over they
because I am so glad this is over they approached that problem fundamentally
approached that problem fundamentally
approached that problem fundamentally differently and I think what’s
differently and I think what’s
differently and I think what’s interesting for me is that I have been
interesting for me is that I have been
interesting for me is that I have been both of those students right the one who
both of those students right the one who
both of those students right the one who was like oh what’s gonna happen next and
was like oh what’s gonna happen next and
was like oh what’s gonna happen next and then I’ve also been the one who’s really
then I’ve also been the one who’s really
then I’ve also been the one who’s really like I am just so thankful right but the
like I am just so thankful right but the
like I am just so thankful right but the question becomes how do we become the
question becomes how do we become the
question becomes how do we become the second student how do we get into that
second student how do we get into that
second student how do we get into that zone where we can feel like that brené
zone where we can feel like that brené
zone where we can feel like that brené Brown also found that the participants
Brown also found that the participants
Brown also found that the participants in her research who really embraced joy
in her research who really embraced joy
in her research who really embraced joy went to a place of gratitude instead of
went to a place of gratitude instead of
went to a place of gratitude instead of thinking about all the things that could
thinking about all the things that could
thinking about all the things that could go wrong you know my daughter is
go wrong you know my daughter is
go wrong you know my daughter is somebody who just really gets this one
somebody who just really gets this one
somebody who just really gets this one right she sees joy in places that I
right she sees joy in places that I
right she sees joy in places that I think a lot of us just forget to look
think a lot of us just forget to look
think a lot of us just forget to look actually one of my favorite things about
actually one of my favorite things about
actually one of my favorite things about her and I learned something probably
her and I learned something probably
her and I learned something probably every day from her about this idea but
every day from her about this idea but
every day from her about this idea but let’s take a look at some of the other
let’s take a look at some of the other
let’s take a look at some of the other lessons that I have learned from her
lessons that I have learned from her
lessons that I have learned from her about joy last spring around the time of
about joy last spring around the time of
about joy last spring around the time of her birthday we were headed into school
her birthday we were headed into school
her birthday we were headed into school again and she saw dandelion so being
again and she saw dandelion so being
again and she saw dandelion so being five she wants to stop and pick it and
five she wants to stop and pick it and
five she wants to stop and pick it and make a wish and as the seeds are kind of
make a wish and as the seeds are kind of
make a wish and as the seeds are kind of floating away she says mommy do you want
floating away she says mommy do you want
floating away she says mommy do you want to know what I wished for and I was like
to know what I wished for and I was like
to know what I wished for and I was like oh no no no don’t tell me because then
oh no no no don’t tell me because then
oh no no no don’t tell me because then it won’t come true and she looks at me
it won’t come true and she looks at me
it won’t come true and she looks at me it says mommy that’s not true so I had
it says mommy that’s not true so I had
it says mommy that’s not true so I had it last because it’s totally not true
it last because it’s totally not true
it last because it’s totally not true and I just lied to my child great but
and I just lied to my child great but
and I just lied to my child great but haven’t we all received that messaging
haven’t we all received that messaging
haven’t we all received that messaging that if we tell other people what we
that if we tell other people what we
that if we tell other people what we wish for then it won’t happen and we
wish for then it won’t happen and we
wish for then it won’t happen and we will have done or said something to get
will have done or said something to get
will have done or said something to get in the way of it but what we really need
in the way of it but what we really need
in the way of it but what we really need to do is speak those wishes into
to do is speak those wishes into
to do is speak those wishes into existence and I think when we do that
existence and I think when we do that
existence and I think when we do that when we share with others what our hopes
when we share with others what our hopes
when we share with others what our hopes and dreams are for the future they
and dreams are for the future they
and dreams are for the future they actually become even more real you
actually become even more real you
actually become even more real you probably also noticed that a lot of my
probably also noticed that a lot of my
probably also noticed that a lot of my stories start with us on our way to
stories start with us on our way to
stories start with us on our way to school so we’re on our way to school one
school so we’re on our way to school one
school so we’re on our way to school one morning and I’m looking out my car
morning and I’m looking out my car
morning and I’m looking out my car window at just the sea of brake lights
window at just the sea of brake lights
window at just the sea of brake lights in front of me and kind of glancing back
in front of me and kind of glancing back
in front of me and kind of glancing back and forth between that and the clock
and forth between that and the clock
and forth between that and the clock thinking I hope we make it and a big
thinking I hope we make it and a big
thinking I hope we make it and a big part of the problem is it literally
part of the problem is it literally
part of the problem is it literally every morning I lose 15 to 20 minutes
every morning I lose 15 to 20 minutes
every morning I lose 15 to 20 minutes just trying to convince her to wear
just trying to convince her to wear
just trying to convince her to wear pants with buttons but we’re there we’re
pants with buttons but we’re there we’re
pants with buttons but we’re there we’re going and she looks out the window and
going and she looks out the window and
going and she looks out the window and sees the Sun coming up which she calls a
sees the Sun coming up which she calls a
sees the Sun coming up which she calls a sunset and she says mommy look at all
sunset and she says mommy look at all
sunset and she says mommy look at all the beautiful colors of that sunset and
the beautiful colors of that sunset and
the beautiful colors of that sunset and so we end up talking about that and she
so we end up talking about that and she
so we end up talking about that and she thinks it looks kind of like a rainbow
thinks it looks kind of like a rainbow
thinks it looks kind of like a rainbow and I find that my outlook on the day
and I find that my outlook on the day
and I find that my outlook on the day just completely changes as we as we talk
just completely changes as we as we talk
just completely changes as we as we talk through that and for me that’s really
through that and for me that’s really
through that and for me that’s really about this idea of reflection and taking
about this idea of reflection and taking
about this idea of reflection and taking the time to see what’s right in front of
the time to see what’s right in front of
the time to see what’s right in front of us when we literally just take a moment
us when we literally just take a moment
us when we literally just take a moment to look out the window she did also tell
to look out the window she did also tell
to look out the window she did also tell me that morning mommy I hope is this
me that morning mommy I hope is this
me that morning mommy I hope is this beautiful when you win your race and
beautiful when you win your race and
beautiful when you win your race and what she’s actually talking about is
what she’s actually talking about is
what she’s actually talking about is that my sister and I recently were
that my sister and I recently were
that my sister and I recently were getting ready to run a 10-mile race our
getting ready to run a 10-mile race our
getting ready to run a 10-mile race our goal was to finish which we did
goal was to finish which we did
goal was to finish which we did certainly did not win but they still
certainly did not win but they still
certainly did not win but they still give you a really great medal at the end
give you a really great medal at the end
give you a really great medal at the end so I brought that home and I put it on
so I brought that home and I put it on
so I brought that home and I put it on my dog
my dog
my dog so that she could try it out and she
so that she could try it out and she
so that she could try it out and she wore that metal around all day long and
wore that metal around all day long and
wore that metal around all day long and you know I think it’s important for us
you know I think it’s important for us
you know I think it’s important for us to celebrate our accomplishments when
to celebrate our accomplishments when
to celebrate our accomplishments when they happen but why not even beyond that
they happen but why not even beyond that
they happen but why not even beyond that if we spent even half the time
if we spent even half the time
if we spent even half the time celebrating that we do practicing or
celebrating that we do practicing or
celebrating that we do practicing or getting ready for something the joy
getting ready for something the joy
getting ready for something the joy really would last for months and so I
really would last for months and so I
really would last for months and so I think it becomes this idea of how do we
think it becomes this idea of how do we
think it becomes this idea of how do we incorporate all of that into our own
incorporate all of that into our own
incorporate all of that into our own lives so let me tell you my no good very
lives so let me tell you my no good very
lives so let me tell you my no good very bad day story again we’re getting ready
bad day story again we’re getting ready
bad day story again we’re getting ready in the morning and I have finally found
in the morning and I have finally found
in the morning and I have finally found her a pair of pants with no buttons only
her a pair of pants with no buttons only
her a pair of pants with no buttons only to find out that she now really hate
to find out that she now really hate
to find out that she now really hate zippers and when i get to work i’m
zippers and when i get to work i’m
zippers and when i get to work i’m walking into my eight o’clock meeting at
walking into my eight o’clock meeting at
walking into my eight o’clock meeting at seven fifty-nine and as i’m getting
seven fifty-nine and as i’m getting
seven fifty-nine and as i’m getting settled i realize oh my gosh i left my
settled i realize oh my gosh i left my
settled i realize oh my gosh i left my lunch at home on the counter which is
lunch at home on the counter which is
lunch at home on the counter which is doubly bad because I skipped breakfast
doubly bad because I skipped breakfast
doubly bad because I skipped breakfast dealing with the whole zipper fiasco the
dealing with the whole zipper fiasco the
dealing with the whole zipper fiasco the rest of the day is just kind of meeting
rest of the day is just kind of meeting
rest of the day is just kind of meeting after meeting just running the whole day
after meeting just running the whole day
after meeting just running the whole day and my way home takes me about 45 extra
and my way home takes me about 45 extra
and my way home takes me about 45 extra minutes on my commute just because you
minutes on my commute just because you
minutes on my commute just because you know typically Houston you all know how
know typically Houston you all know how
know typically Houston you all know how that goes and then when I do get home I
that goes and then when I do get home I
that goes and then when I do get home I find that my husband has actually gone
find that my husband has actually gone
find that my husband has actually gone shopping to buy her a bunch of new pants
shopping to buy her a bunch of new pants
shopping to buy her a bunch of new pants that feature both buttons and zippers so
that feature both buttons and zippers so
that feature both buttons and zippers so because of this they are both grumpy and
because of this they are both grumpy and
because of this they are both grumpy and hungry but you know that really is a day
hungry but you know that really is a day
hungry but you know that really is a day that I’ll never get back and what if
that I’ll never get back and what if
that I’ll never get back and what if instead it looks something like this
instead it looks something like this
instead it looks something like this it’s not that I left my lunch at home on
it’s not that I left my lunch at home on
it’s not that I left my lunch at home on the counter it’s that now I had an
the counter it’s that now I had an
the counter it’s that now I had an opportunity to go try out the new taco
opportunity to go try out the new taco
opportunity to go try out the new taco place with all my colleagues from work
place with all my colleagues from work
place with all my colleagues from work and instead of being mad and frustrated
and instead of being mad and frustrated
and instead of being mad and frustrated that i sat in traffic for an extra 45
that i sat in traffic for an extra 45
that i sat in traffic for an extra 45 minutes I ended up finding a couple new
minutes I ended up finding a couple new
minutes I ended up finding a couple new back roads that now on a normal day
back roads that now on a normal day
back roads that now on a normal day saved me about 10 minutes from my
saved me about 10 minutes from my
saved me about 10 minutes from my commute and rather than be frustrated
commute and rather than be frustrated
commute and rather than be frustrated with my daughter because she really
with my daughter because she really
with my daughter because she really doesn’t want to wear pants with buttons
doesn’t want to wear pants with buttons
doesn’t want to wear pants with buttons or zippers I can really live in the
or zippers I can really live in the
or zippers I can really live in the moment and envision just sending her to
moment and envision just sending her to
moment and envision just sending her to school in a onesie so don’t waste your
school in a onesie so don’t waste your
school in a onesie so don’t waste your next 24 hours enjoy them thank you
next 24 hours enjoy them thank you
next 24 hours enjoy them thank you you
”
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