“I’m sick of being a woman.
That’s it, I’m tired of it.
A few days ago, I was running home,
to escape from a man who was pursuing me.
The next day, I discovered members of parliament
are making fun of recent sexual assaults.
And the following day, I discovered that a so-called humorist
was joking about rape accusations, calling them puritanism.
Every day, every bloody day,
I’m reminded that I didn’t win the gender bingo.”
This is a text that I wrote in May
to testify to my exhaustion owing to the prevailing sexism.
And to show you that my exasperation has lasted since,
let’s talk about this journalist who, a few days ago,
publicly kissed the breast of a woman who refused to kiss him.
Let’s talk about that famous woman
who was assaulted, tied up, robbed at her hotel, Kim Kardashian,
and who immediately became the laughing stock of the web.
People were delighted at her abuse
and showed their surprise that she wasn’t raped.
So, my experience is not unique.
What I’ve come here to tell you, is what thousands
or millions of women experience almost daily,
and is not at all sexy.
In 2012, a young Belgian videographer filmed with a hidden camera
what men were saying to her when she walked down the street.
She revealed the violence she had to face
every time she walked in public spaces.
The comments that were made to her were super violent, super sexualised.
The attitudes were very threatening, very insistent,
and the gestures, very improper.
When I watched this video, I realized
that I had also been experiencing this for years.
But I had become used to it since my teens,
to the extent I could no longer realize how abnormal it was.
A few days after having seen this video,
I was driving home through the streets of Marseille one evening.
At a red light, a man called me from his car,
clearly manifesting his intentions.
Had he been lost, I’d have helped him,
but clearly, his destination was between my legs.
So, I did what I usually do in these situations:
I ignored him, looked straight ahead, and begged the traffic light to go green.
The traffic light quickly obliged,
but apparently the man really didn’t appreciate my lack of response.
He started following me,
overtook me at high speed and then cut me off afterwards,
and he repeated that over and over again.
It lasted about ten minutes.
I discovered that I had a certain talent for driving GTA style … (Laughter)
… to the point where my chaser finally gave up.
So, I was finally able to go home safe and sound, but terrified.
This harassment incident was far from being the first.
But it is the first I had spoken about in my whole life.
The Sophie Peters’s video I mentioned had deeply affected me,
so I spoke about this incident with some female friends.
And the feedbacks were unanimous,
we had absolutely all experienced harassment incidents
in public spaces or in public transport.
The experiences were varied:
from a simple comment meant as a compliment,
to complete and utter sexual assault, as well as wandering hands,
rubbers, stalkers, insults, etc.
The video I’m telling you about
triggered a huge debate, in France and in Belgium,
and a name was put on what we were experiencing:
“street harassment.”
But like all public debates, it quickly got out of hand.
I especially noticed a huge amount of denial.
Many claimed that sexual harassment is the fantasy of paranoid women,
that it was only flirting,
that we should be happy to be continually courted,
in short, that it was not a problem.
Although we have proof under our very eyes with this video
of the burden that can weigh on one person,
we continued to imagine that all we hear on the streets are goofy taunts like:
“Hey you, you got hazelnut eyes, can I be your squirrel?”
(Laughter)
But for my part, I’m mainly used to hearing things like
“You, I really want to blow your pussy,”
which is different.
So, I decided to create a blog,
with a name as flowery as what I hear in the streets:
“Paye Ta Shnek”, PTS,
on which we can record the comments we hear
when we move around in public spaces.
I, myself, sent in a few comments I remembered,
And I sent the link to some girlfriends, asking them to do the same.
Five days later, it exploded.
I was receiving over 150 submissions per day.
It was a constant flow as if I had opened floodgates.
There was an infinite overflow that was flowing into my inbox.
I received 12,000 stories in four years, all of which I read.
They allowed me to realize the extent of the problem,
and understand the reality of street harassment
because in fact, my own experience was just one among thousands.
I realized that street harassment is not just sexist.
It’s also racist, homophobic,
transphobic, fatphobic, islamophobic,
or ableist, thus relating to disability.
I realized that we still don’t know how to talk about this subject.
So, for you to see that we are still a very long way from a poetic
“The embers in your eyes drive me bananas,”
(Laughter)
I have selected for you a few revealing submissions.
I’ll let you read them
since I’ve difficulty saying these sentences out loud,
and then we’ll talk about them. First submission:
[Who do you think you are? I have a penis I’m the man! Women must obey men.]
Is it necessary to highlight the sexist dimension of this comment?
Or to specify that this event is an assault? I don’t think so,
However, there’s a funny point I enjoy raising.
After having read the words of 12,000 harassers,
I notice that thousands of them are quick to speak about their penis.
(Laughter)
This makes me think there’s scope for questioning.
Maybe we should stop ignoring the domination that a penis has
over the person who owns it and thus over the rest of the world.
(Laughter)
Second submission:
[Hi little submissive beurette. People say you go crazy once liberated,
crazy about sex! I’m ready to train you half-whore, half-submissive!]
Here, we have a combination of sexism and islamophobia,
because this young woman wears a veil,
and the wonderful fantasy of liberation through sex.
This type of harassment is the fastest-growing at present.
Against a background of heightened racism and islamophobia,
muslim or supposedly muslim, women
are more and more harassed, assaulted, etc.
Third submission:
[Hey dykes, don’t you want to have your pussy blown by a man, a real one?
You’ll see, it’s cool to be submissive in the normal way.]
This time, it’s a combination of sexism and lesbophobia, homophobia.
We can notice the persistent mention of the idea of submission,
women’s eternal status, of course.
but also the constant preoccupation with what is the norm.
We still don’t know what “normal” means,
but this man obviously has a very precise definition.
Fourth submission:
[How fucking ugly you are! But I’d like to have sex with your breast.]
There’s a myth concerning street harassment.
It is said that it only affects young and pretty women.
this is not true.
In the streets, all women are complimented or insulted.
We also hear comments from shoppers
when we’re not to their liking, as it’s well known
that we’re only here to decorate their field of vision,
so they don’t hesitate to speak out
when we don’t embellish their environment well enough.
(Laughter)
Fifth and last submission:
[With your shorts, don’t be surprised if I rape you.”]
This submission is hyper indicative of the existence of the rape culture
that runs inside our societies.
We almost systematically blame the victim or potential victim
for being responsible for her abuse.
Her attitude, appearance, presence at a certain time in a certain place,
reportedly explain why she has been harassed.
And this very guilt-tripping of the victim and removing of guilt from the harasser
is obvious from the assault itself
but also from all the authorities supposed to take care of victims,
Including our friends and relatives when we speak about what happened.
That’s why we call it “a culture,”
because it’s a very common way of thinking
in all sections of society both private and public,
and it’s constantly sustained by public discourse,
by the media, advertising, the film industry, etc.
Actually, when you follow this reasoning,
you’re insinuating that men are uncontrollable beasts,
under the influence of their hormones, unable to control their impulses.
Sadly, the people who are the most concerned are the least aware of this.
So, you’ve seen an extract from the submissions.
I’m not going to ruin your evening by imposing on you
the violence that express itself in French-speaking public spaces.
Rather, I’d like to initiate new thoughts.
Individually, are we part of the problem or part of its solution?
Are we really aware of the gravity of the problem?
In 2015, the High Council for Equality between men and women
conducted a survey of female users of French public transportation.
Sadly, the outcome didn’t surprise me:
100% of the surveyed women had been victims
of sexist harassment or sexual assaults in public transport. 100%!
In over half of the cases,
the first assault took place when they were underage.
On PTS, I receive submissions from victims aged 11 and 12.
So, I’m often asked the big question:
“What’s the difference between flirting and harassment?”
The difference is very simple: it’s consent.
Flirting is a game played by two people.
As for harassment, it is imposed by one person on another.
It’s completely different.
When we talk to someone in public places,
they’re not there to meet people.
So, we could be a nuisance or face a refusal,
and if that’s the case, we must respect it and not be insistent.
We must take the context into account.
A man who tries to talk to a woman alone at night, in a deserted street,
can imagine that, in principle, it’s scary.
We must also remember that the person to whom we give your opinion on her looks
and who didn’t ask for it, doesn’t care about our opinion.
That’s also a myth we must debunk.
Too often we consider that a compliment
is necessarily the best thing that can happen during a woman’s day,
whoever she may be and whoever pays the compliment.
So, I’m going to disclose to you a secret: that’s not true.
Personally, I don’t care if the local troublemaker thinks I’m bangable.
(Laughter)
I don’t need nor want to know it.
And just like many women, I attach no value
to the opinions of strangers about my looks.
Quite often, when I hear a saucy comment
and let the person know I don’t care about their opinion,
suddenly I become an unfuckable ugly woman,
(Laughter)
because I failed to enjoy the sacred gift this man gave to me.
(Laughter)
Being attractive should have made me jump for joy,
as I live only to flatter his retinas
in the hope of a short hot coïtus in the escalator.
(Laughter)
If I keep answering about the difference between flirting and harassment,
it’s often to reassure my interlocutor, but let’s be clear,
street harassment is absolutely not a game of seduction.
In the vast majority of cases,
there’s no intention to flatter or seduce.
When my harasser shouted he wanted to blow my pussy,
he knew very well that it wouldn’t end up as a candlelight dinner.
The guy who chased me by car
didn’t expect it to be the beginning of a great romance.
In the great majority of cases,
it’s just a way of imposing a kind of outdated superiority,
to crush the other person and make oneself feel stronger,
thus perpetuating a state of fear.
Because public spaces are still today places of huge discrimination.
Cities were created by and for men.
To verify the male domination in public spaces,
you just have to open your eyes.
Everywhere, you can see men sticking around.
Do you see women doing the same?
As I was entering a shop to pick up a present belonging to my mother,
she had to wait for me outside the shop for five minutes.
She explained to me that she felt she had to move, to look at her phone
and walk around in order to avoid conveying the wrong message,
to avoid the risk of suggesting she was available.
All women or nearly feel
they can only pass through public spaces and not use them,
because still today in 2016, we are still given to understand
that outside is not our place.
Many women told me about their day-to-day strategies,
those avoidance strategies we develop spontaneously
In the hope of not being sexually harassed.
Some use their keys as a potential weapon;
others don’t go out without headphones in their ears, even with no music,
just to display a kind of withdrawal.
We compute what to wear before going out.
We choose our seat in the subway preferably close to other women.
We ask to be carried home in the evening, we don’t go home on foot at night.
Some told me they moved homes
because of the frequent harassment with which they were faced.
That’s when you realize that street harassment
changes our day-to-day behavior and choices.
So, I’d like to take advantage of the audience I have before me tonight
to try a little experiment.
I’m going to ask you a question, but you’re not obligated to answer it.
I’ll start by questioning the women of the audience.
When I talk about sexual harassment, street harassment,
it refers to insults, rubbers, wandering hands, stalkers, etc.,
any person who makes us feel very uncomfortable at one point.
Ladies, which of you has ever experienced sexual harassment
in a public space or in public transport?
That’s the answer that I was expecting.
You can turn around and look at the result,
we’re very numerous.
Thank you very much.
Now, I’m going to ask you, gentlemen.
Which of you has ever been sexually harassed
in a public place or in public transport?
(Laughter)
You are far fewer!
What this experiment is revealing
is that men and women don’t live, don’t experience life the same way.
What do men do on a daily basis to avoid being sexually harassed?
It’s not a daily worry.
Of course, it does happen to some men, but as a group,
men don’t have to constantly deal with this threat,
whereas women have to live with it.
When I mention this point, I anticipate straight away:
no, all men are not potential harassers.
I know it, you know it, we all know it, So that’s settled.
But not all harassers have the same profile.
The media often handles the subject badly.
They insinuate that sexual harassment would be the preserve of poor men
and/or immigrants, and that’s perfectly wrong.
The 12,000 submissions I’ve received on PTS prove it.
For example, those we call “white collar workers”
are far from being free of sexist and threatening behaviour.
Two projects have recently begun against sexist harassment,
one in the world of lawyers called “Paye ta robe,”
the other in the world of politics called “Chair collaboratrice.”
This proves that even in the most well-educated and affluent circles,
sexist harassment is still present.
We should all without exception ask ourselves:
Have I ever behaved in this kind of way, such as being insistent after a refusal,
or commenting on a person’s looks although I haven’t been asked?
What do I do when I witness sexual harassment,
or when a loved one talks or behaves in such a way in front of me?
Do I stop it? Do I intervene?
Do I dissociate myself at least? Or do I do nothing?
Often, when we witness sexual harassment,
we dare not intervene for fear to put ourselves at risk.
But, in fact, there are techniques to intervene non-violently
which can help without putting oneself in much danger.
Let me mention two of them so everyone will go home with some inspiration.
The first technique is to speak to the victim as if we knew her
and start up a random conversation,
in order to isolate the harasser in hope that he goes away.
We can say to the victim, “Where were you? I’ve been looking for you everywhere.
Let’s go find the others,” and we take her away.
The second technique is to talk to the harasser,
about a completely different subject.
We can say to him say, “Excuse me, where to get off to the town hall?
Do you have the time, please?” or whatever,
the point is to divert his attention in the most polite way possible
to give to the victim time to go away.
These techniques are extremely useful, do not entail many risks,
and have been tried out; they are based on the submissions I’ve received
or which were published in the Crocodile Project.
To be part of the solution and not of the problem,
we can start by acting individually, but the whole of society is concerned.
Men do not have the monopoly on sexism.
We have all grown up in the same society, so we all reproduce the same patterns.
We should not let these behaviors develop before our eyes.
We must invest time in education by speaking to our children, our students,
by teaching them all forms of equality,
and by not tolerating ever any oppressive language or behavior.
We also need to stop teaching girls how not be harassed,
and start teaching everyone not to harass others.
The deconstruction of all the discriminatory patterns
passed down centuries after centuries,
starts by listening to the people who experience it from the inside,
and by spreading and amplifying their voices
to help them be heard and known to all.
It’s only by being mindful, good listeners and unified
that we’ll reduce this violence.
Because public spaces belong to all of us, whatever our gender.
Whether we are Black, Muslim, gay, fat, thin, Asian, it does not matter,
we all, male and female, have a right to peace.
And if this sentence seems obvious to you,
in practice, it’s still very far from being the case.
On PTS and on the projects that are named behind me,
we’re now trying to foster a collective reflection
and to fight together, collectively, against this violence.
Right now, those of us who experience street harassment
really feel alone as for this.
So, I’m going to conclude with the text I read at the beginning of my speech:
“To be a woman means fighting against fear,
against violence, against our anxieties.
It’s being part of a group that has no name,
an invisible sorority that which is not even aware of its own incredible strength.
I’m sick of being a woman, but I wouldn’t switch roles for anything!
I’m a woman and proud to see that more and more of us are fighting
all round the world, with our specific characteristics,
with our obstacles, with our means.
I’m proud of us for speaking louder and louder,
laughing, moaning, shouting and making noise.
Being a woman means deserving the moon and going to get it yourself.”
(Applause)
”
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