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Is it all bad? Learning to love, cancer and all | Cheryl Heykoop | TEDxRoyalRoadsU


thank you it’s an absolute honor to be

thank you it’s an absolute honor to be here with you today on the ancestral

here with you today on the ancestral

here with you today on the ancestral lands of the cassava and the Lacroix in

lands of the cassava and the Lacroix in

lands of the cassava and the Lacroix in families my name is Cheryl and I work

families my name is Cheryl and I work

families my name is Cheryl and I work here at railroads University and as a

here at railroads University and as a

here at railroads University and as a participatory researcher I’d like to

participatory researcher I’d like to

participatory researcher I’d like to start with an activity so here’s how

start with an activity so here’s how

start with an activity so here’s how it’s going to work I’m gonna flash a

it’s going to work I’m gonna flash a

it’s going to work I’m gonna flash a series of words up on the screen and

series of words up on the screen and

series of words up on the screen and you’ll have about four to five seconds

you’ll have about four to five seconds

you’ll have about four to five seconds to contemplate the associations you make

to contemplate the associations you make

to contemplate the associations you make with each word ready first word ready

with each word ready first word ready

with each word ready first word ready okay first word FedEx second word

okay first word FedEx second word

okay first word FedEx second word Bunny’s third word and final word yes

Bunny’s third word and final word yes

Bunny’s third word and final word yes sir now I would hazard a guess that

sir now I would hazard a guess that

sir now I would hazard a guess that because you’re here in the room that you

because you’re here in the room that you

because you’re here in the room that you generally have more positive

generally have more positive

generally have more positive associations with TEDx the negative ones

associations with TEDx the negative ones

associations with TEDx the negative ones yeah okay um the research also shows us

yeah okay um the research also shows us

yeah okay um the research also shows us that we tend to have positive

that we tend to have positive

that we tend to have positive associations with cute cuddly bunnies

associations with cute cuddly bunnies

associations with cute cuddly bunnies and more negative associations with

and more negative associations with

and more negative associations with cancer before I was diagnosed I had

cancer before I was diagnosed I had

cancer before I was diagnosed I had negative associations with cancer too I

negative associations with cancer too I

negative associations with cancer too I was 34 I just finished my doctorate here

was 34 I just finished my doctorate here

was 34 I just finished my doctorate here and I was ready to launch into the world

and I was ready to launch into the world

and I was ready to launch into the world you know I find that dream job to meet a

you know I find that dream job to meet a

you know I find that dream job to meet a partner and to start a family and

partner and to start a family and

partner and to start a family and instead I was diagnosed with

instead I was diagnosed with

instead I was diagnosed with non-hodgkins follicular lymphoma it’s a

non-hodgkins follicular lymphoma it’s a

non-hodgkins follicular lymphoma it’s a bit of a mouthful

bit of a mouthful

bit of a mouthful it’s a type of cancer that generally

it’s a type of cancer that generally

it’s a type of cancer that generally affects people who are approximately 60

affects people who are approximately 60

affects people who are approximately 60 years of age which I am NOT and a type

years of age which I am NOT and a type

years of age which I am NOT and a type of cancer that is incurable and even

of cancer that is incurable and even

of cancer that is incurable and even just saying that again it kind of

just saying that again it kind of

just saying that again it kind of reminds me of that moment when the phone

reminds me of that moment when the phone

reminds me of that moment when the phone rang and it was terrifying no it was

rang and it was terrifying no it was

rang and it was terrifying no it was scary and then trying to navigate the

scary and then trying to navigate the

scary and then trying to navigate the cancer system was really confusing now I

cancer system was really confusing now I

cancer system was really confusing now I remember having a conversation with my

remember having a conversation with my

remember having a conversation with my doctor and him saying like together we

doctor and him saying like together we

doctor and him saying like together we can beat the enemy or talking with

can beat the enemy or talking with

can beat the enemy or talking with friends and they told me to be brave or

friends and they told me to be brave or

friends and they told me to be brave or to be

to be

to be strong reading magazines I read about

strong reading magazines I read about

strong reading magazines I read about the new war on cancer and cancer

the new war on cancer and cancer

the new war on cancer and cancer fighting super foods and even in the

fighting super foods and even in the

fighting super foods and even in the sympathy cards I received I was told to

sympathy cards I received I was told to

sympathy cards I received I was told to be brave to be fierce

be brave to be fierce

be brave to be fierce and that I could beat this and I really

and that I could beat this and I really

and that I could beat this and I really appreciated all the words of support

appreciated all the words of support

appreciated all the words of support from all the people in my life and there

from all the people in my life and there

from all the people in my life and there was something about this dominant

was something about this dominant

was something about this dominant negative even militaristic language that

negative even militaristic language that

negative even militaristic language that we use to talk about cancer it didn’t

we use to talk about cancer it didn’t

we use to talk about cancer it didn’t work no I have cancer and it’s not going

work no I have cancer and it’s not going

work no I have cancer and it’s not going away it’s here it’s here it’s here and

away it’s here it’s here it’s here and

away it’s here it’s here it’s here and it’s here so yeah I want it gone and

it’s here so yeah I want it gone and

it’s here so yeah I want it gone and I’ll do anything I can to make that

I’ll do anything I can to make that

I’ll do anything I can to make that happen but what would it mean to fight

happen but what would it mean to fight

happen but what would it mean to fight with myself and my body in the cells of

with myself and my body in the cells of

with myself and my body in the cells of my being for the rest of my life

frankly I don’t want to try I don’t want

frankly I don’t want to try I don’t want to fight instead how can I learn to love

to fight instead how can I learn to love

to fight instead how can I learn to love this body this body that is cancers home

this body this body that is cancers home

this body this body that is cancers home how can I learn to take care and love

how can I learn to take care and love

how can I learn to take care and love every cell cancer and all how can I

every cell cancer and all how can I

every cell cancer and all how can I learn to love myself more living with

learn to love myself more living with

learn to love myself more living with cancer so that’s what I’m trying and let

cancer so that’s what I’m trying and let

cancer so that’s what I’m trying and let me tell you it is not always easy there

me tell you it is not always easy there

me tell you it is not always easy there are moments where it’s almost impossible

are moments where it’s almost impossible

are moments where it’s almost impossible all those moments when you’re curled up

all those moments when you’re curled up

all those moments when you’re curled up over the toilet bowl after a chemo

over the toilet bowl after a chemo

over the toilet bowl after a chemo treatment or emo brain hits and you

treatment or emo brain hits and you

treatment or emo brain hits and you can’t find the keys that you’ve been

can’t find the keys that you’ve been

can’t find the keys that you’ve been holding in your hand for the last 20

holding in your hand for the last 20

holding in your hand for the last 20 minutes or those days when you’re so

minutes or those days when you’re so

minutes or those days when you’re so exhausted that you can’t get out of bed

exhausted that you can’t get out of bed

exhausted that you can’t get out of bed and you can’t get out of bed and yet

and you can’t get out of bed and yet

and you can’t get out of bed and yet you’re rid with guilt and you’re rid

you’re rid with guilt and you’re rid

you’re rid with guilt and you’re rid with guilt or I am anyway because I’m

with guilt or I am anyway because I’m

with guilt or I am anyway because I’m still here and others aren’t well I feel

still here and others aren’t well I feel

still here and others aren’t well I feel like I should get out of bed I feel like

like I should get out of bed I feel like

like I should get out of bed I feel like I have to and in those moments it’s

I have to and in those moments it’s

I have to and in those moments it’s really hard to try and love myself

really hard to try and love myself

really hard to try and love myself living with cancer

living with cancer

living with cancer and yet you know with cancer I’m also

and yet you know with cancer I’m also

and yet you know with cancer I’m also learning to love life the live in the

learning to love life the live in the

learning to love life the live in the moment without regret you appreciate the

moment without regret you appreciate the

moment without regret you appreciate the complexity and fragility and the beauty

complexity and fragility and the beauty

complexity and fragility and the beauty of life and death and to not wait for

of life and death and to not wait for

of life and death and to not wait for some day

some day

some day and yes success is still something I

and yes success is still something I

and yes success is still something I strive for I work here in an academic

strive for I work here in an academic

strive for I work here in an academic institution so it’s important and yet

institution so it’s important and yet

institution so it’s important and yet I’m no longer willing to compromise

I’m no longer willing to compromise

I’m no longer willing to compromise living for it

living for it

living for it and I would actually say that I’ve

and I would actually say that I’ve

and I would actually say that I’ve redefined what success means for me

redefined what success means for me

redefined what success means for me where success is living fully so I take

where success is living fully so I take

where success is living fully so I take vacations and I sleep more and I’ve even

vacations and I sleep more and I’ve even

vacations and I sleep more and I’ve even changed the trajectory of my career and

changed the trajectory of my career and

changed the trajectory of my career and just last week I got on a plane and flew

just last week I got on a plane and flew

just last week I got on a plane and flew five hours just to hold my new baby

five hours just to hold my new baby

five hours just to hold my new baby nephew and that’s what living feels like

nephew and that’s what living feels like

nephew and that’s what living feels like right now for me and it’s awesome you

right now for me and it’s awesome you

right now for me and it’s awesome you know with cancer I’ve learned a lot and

know with cancer I’ve learned a lot and

know with cancer I’ve learned a lot and while I would never wish it upon anyone

while I would never wish it upon anyone

while I would never wish it upon anyone if I had a choice I wouldn’t go back to

if I had a choice I wouldn’t go back to

if I had a choice I wouldn’t go back to the person I was before cancer answers

the person I was before cancer answers

the person I was before cancer answers changed me it’s changed me for the

changed me it’s changed me for the

changed me it’s changed me for the better actually

better actually

better actually it’s helped me learn to love this body

it’s helped me learn to love this body

it’s helped me learn to love this body and the person that I am even more and

and the person that I am even more and

and the person that I am even more and for that I’m really grateful you know so

for that I’m really grateful you know so

for that I’m really grateful you know so here I am up here talking about my story

here I am up here talking about my story

here I am up here talking about my story but why is this important

but why is this important

but why is this important well let me show you you’ll notice on

well let me show you you’ll notice on

well let me show you you’ll notice on the floor or the chairs in front of you

the floor or the chairs in front of you

the floor or the chairs in front of you there are some dots if you have a red

there are some dots if you have a red

there are some dots if you have a red dot on the chair in front of you I

dot on the chair in front of you I

dot on the chair in front of you I invite you to please stand up and if

invite you to please stand up and if

invite you to please stand up and if that feels uncomfortable ask your

that feels uncomfortable ask your

that feels uncomfortable ask your neighbor to stand up for you

50% almost 50% of this room is standing

50% almost 50% of this room is standing nearly half of you that represents the

nearly half of you that represents the

nearly half of you that represents the new statistic from the Canadian Cancer

new statistic from the Canadian Cancer

new statistic from the Canadian Cancer Agency that one in two Canadians will be

Agency that one in two Canadians will be

Agency that one in two Canadians will be diagnosed with cancer over the course of

diagnosed with cancer over the course of

diagnosed with cancer over the course of their lives one and two would be you or

their lives one and two would be you or

their lives one and two would be you or it could be your neighbor so that’s why

it could be your neighbor so that’s why

it could be your neighbor so that’s why this conversation is important so I

this conversation is important so I

this conversation is important so I invite you to ask yourself if that call

invite you to ask yourself if that call

invite you to ask yourself if that call came tomorrow what would you say what

came tomorrow what would you say what

came tomorrow what would you say what would you do how would you respond would

would you do how would you respond would

would you do how would you respond would you tell that someone to whoop cancers

you tell that someone to whoop cancers

you tell that someone to whoop cancers ass it’d be strong or to fight or

ass it’d be strong or to fight or

ass it’d be strong or to fight or instead just maybe could you ask that

instead just maybe could you ask that

instead just maybe could you ask that person what kind of care and support

person what kind of care and support

person what kind of care and support they need how can we reinvent how we

they need how can we reinvent how we

they need how can we reinvent how we talk about cancer and how we approach

talk about cancer and how we approach

talk about cancer and how we approach cancer at home in health care and in our

cancer at home in health care and in our

cancer at home in health care and in our life how can we not simply fight cancer

life how can we not simply fight cancer

life how can we not simply fight cancer and the cells of our body how can we

and the cells of our body how can we

and the cells of our body how can we also send a little love and care to our

also send a little love and care to our

also send a little love and care to our bodies and ourselves answer and all what

bodies and ourselves answer and all what

bodies and ourselves answer and all what can you can we do to make it happen

”

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