[Music] I still remember carrying a knife with
I still remember carrying a knife with
I still remember carrying a knife with me into the shower and I remember being
me into the shower and I remember being
me into the shower and I remember being told that I shouldn’t walk around the
told that I shouldn’t walk around the
told that I shouldn’t walk around the Forward Operating Base by myself and at
Forward Operating Base by myself and at
Forward Operating Base by myself and at the time I thought there was absolutely
the time I thought there was absolutely
the time I thought there was absolutely nothing strange about that today I’m a
nothing strange about that today I’m a
nothing strange about that today I’m a health researcher and I focus a lot of
health researcher and I focus a lot of
health researcher and I focus a lot of the time on trying to make the
the time on trying to make the
the time on trying to make the transition back to civilian life easier
transition back to civilian life easier
transition back to civilian life easier for military women it’s actually
for military women it’s actually
for military women it’s actually shockingly difficult and we don’t always
shockingly difficult and we don’t always
shockingly difficult and we don’t always do it well our suicide numbers have
do it well our suicide numbers have
do it well our suicide numbers have climbed 85% in the last two decades and
climbed 85% in the last two decades and
climbed 85% in the last two decades and over and over in my research I find that
over and over in my research I find that
over and over in my research I find that there’s one big barrier to changing this
there’s one big barrier to changing this
there’s one big barrier to changing this we’re invisible
we’re invisible
we’re invisible I enjoyed serving in the Marine Corps
I enjoyed serving in the Marine Corps
I enjoyed serving in the Marine Corps but for me deciding to sign up was
but for me deciding to sign up was
but for me deciding to sign up was really about childhood training I was
really about childhood training I was
really about childhood training I was raised by a Marine Corps infantry
raised by a Marine Corps infantry
raised by a Marine Corps infantry officer father and let’s just say he
officer father and let’s just say he
officer father and let’s just say he brought the discipline home with him I
brought the discipline home with him I
brought the discipline home with him I can remember Saturday mornings and
can remember Saturday mornings and
can remember Saturday mornings and Saturday mornings were tough if on
Saturday mornings were tough if on
Saturday mornings were tough if on Friday night you hadn’t remembered to
Friday night you hadn’t remembered to
Friday night you hadn’t remembered to put away your favorite toys and he would
put away your favorite toys and he would
put away your favorite toys and he would bring out this big black trash bag and
bring out this big black trash bag and
bring out this big black trash bag and we would wave goodbye to our favorite
we would wave goodbye to our favorite
we would wave goodbye to our favorite doll or truck or whatever made it into
doll or truck or whatever made it into
doll or truck or whatever made it into the bag and out to the curve and you
the bag and out to the curve and you
the bag and out to the curve and you only had to have that happen once before
only had to have that happen once before
only had to have that happen once before you learned to stow your gear we were in
you learned to stow your gear we were in
you learned to stow your gear we were in organized and hard-working little tribe
organized and hard-working little tribe
organized and hard-working little tribe or else and although we cried about it
or else and although we cried about it
or else and although we cried about it at the time we laugh about it now and it
at the time we laugh about it now and it
at the time we laugh about it now and it wound up being surprisingly good
wound up being surprisingly good
wound up being surprisingly good training for when I later signed up I
training for when I later signed up I
training for when I later signed up I worried at first about some of the
worried at first about some of the
worried at first about some of the physical things that would be asked of
physical things that would be asked of
physical things that would be asked of me we’re talking 20 mile hikes with
me we’re talking 20 mile hikes with
me we’re talking 20 mile hikes with really heavy gear muddy obstacle courses
really heavy gear muddy obstacle courses
really heavy gear muddy obstacle courses just a lot of question marks
just a lot of question marks
just a lot of question marks I remember bruising the entire length of
I remember bruising the entire length of
I remember bruising the entire length of my arm trying to teach myself to
my arm trying to teach myself to
my arm trying to teach myself to parallel to a chicken wing over the
parallel to a chicken wing over the
parallel to a chicken wing over the parallel bars but you can bet that I was
parallel bars but you can bet that I was
parallel bars but you can bet that I was proud of every single bruise we joke in
proud of every single bruise we joke in
proud of every single bruise we joke in the Marine Corps about drinking the
the Marine Corps about drinking the
the Marine Corps about drinking the kool-aid and this basically means fully
kool-aid and this basically means fully
kool-aid and this basically means fully embracing the culture
embracing the culture
embracing the culture and the lifestyle and you really kind of
and the lifestyle and you really kind of
and the lifestyle and you really kind of have to if you want to understand
have to if you want to understand
have to if you want to understand veteran women you have to understand
veteran women you have to understand
veteran women you have to understand that culture in that lifestyle it’s one
that culture in that lifestyle it’s one
that culture in that lifestyle it’s one that we choose and it’s one that we
that we choose and it’s one that we
that we choose and it’s one that we embrace military women tend to be a
embrace military women tend to be a
embrace military women tend to be a little bit hard on one another in the
little bit hard on one another in the
little bit hard on one another in the Marine Corps we make up about 7% of the
Marine Corps we make up about 7% of the
Marine Corps we make up about 7% of the population it’s a little bit higher in
population it’s a little bit higher in
population it’s a little bit higher in the other service branches our standards
the other service branches our standards
the other service branches our standards are zero defects one represents all and
are zero defects one represents all and
are zero defects one represents all and our judgment can be a little bit brutal
our judgment can be a little bit brutal
our judgment can be a little bit brutal it can be a challenging place to walk
it can be a challenging place to walk
it can be a challenging place to walk around on a given day and to feel like
around on a given day and to feel like
around on a given day and to feel like you’re part of the tribe but I loved
you’re part of the tribe but I loved
you’re part of the tribe but I loved that tribe and I felt like as long as I
that tribe and I felt like as long as I
that tribe and I felt like as long as I strove to be perfect as long as I never
strove to be perfect as long as I never
strove to be perfect as long as I never used ramps on the obstacle course as
used ramps on the obstacle course as
used ramps on the obstacle course as long as I could laugh off the occasional
long as I could laugh off the occasional
long as I could laugh off the occasional mildly sexist comment as long as I could
mildly sexist comment as long as I could
mildly sexist comment as long as I could ignore that commanding officer who
ignore that commanding officer who
ignore that commanding officer who always had a joke for me about how bad
always had a joke for me about how bad
always had a joke for me about how bad at driving women are I could be part of
at driving women are I could be part of
at driving women are I could be part of the club and I love that Club the Marine
the club and I love that Club the Marine
the club and I love that Club the Marine Corps offered me opportunities to lead
Corps offered me opportunities to lead
Corps offered me opportunities to lead it offered me tremendous challenge it
it offered me tremendous challenge it
it offered me tremendous challenge it offered me education but the Marine
offered me education but the Marine
offered me education but the Marine Corps offered me more than a few kicks
Corps offered me more than a few kicks
Corps offered me more than a few kicks in the teeth
in the teeth
in the teeth I saw gender bias and sexual harassment
I saw gender bias and sexual harassment
I saw gender bias and sexual harassment and some saw worse but today there are
and some saw worse but today there are
and some saw worse but today there are still Marines who whether they live in
still Marines who whether they live in
still Marines who whether they live in Beaufort South Carolina are often Puerto
Beaufort South Carolina are often Puerto
Beaufort South Carolina are often Puerto Rico are my best friends and they know
Rico are my best friends and they know
Rico are my best friends and they know me better than anyone else
me better than anyone else
me better than anyone else I was markedly lucky during my time in
I was markedly lucky during my time in
I was markedly lucky during my time in service I was often surrounded by really
service I was often surrounded by really
service I was often surrounded by really good people who had my back on my
good people who had my back on my
good people who had my back on my deployment to Iraq the Marines in my
deployment to Iraq the Marines in my
deployment to Iraq the Marines in my unit had my back to such a degree that
unit had my back to such a degree that
unit had my back to such a degree that they took to carrying spray paint in
they took to carrying spray paint in
they took to carrying spray paint in their cargo pockets just like I did now
their cargo pockets just like I did now
their cargo pockets just like I did now you may think spray paint is an odd
you may think spray paint is an odd
you may think spray paint is an odd thing to be carrying around a Forward
thing to be carrying around a Forward
thing to be carrying around a Forward Operating Base in Iraq and you would be
Operating Base in Iraq and you would be
Operating Base in Iraq and you would be right but I needed it I needed it to get
right but I needed it I needed it to get
right but I needed it I needed it to get rid of the decorations on the interior
rid of the decorations on the interior
rid of the decorations on the interior of almost every port
of almost every port
of almost every port in Fallujah there were these cartoons of
in Fallujah there were these cartoons of
in Fallujah there were these cartoons of me in graphic sexual positions and there
me in graphic sexual positions and there
me in graphic sexual positions and there was commentary off to the side that
was commentary off to the side that
was commentary off to the side that multiple people had added to and let’s
multiple people had added to and let’s
multiple people had added to and let’s just say it got creepy really quickly
just say it got creepy really quickly
just say it got creepy really quickly hence the spray paint solution and at
hence the spray paint solution and at
hence the spray paint solution and at the time I laughed it off and gave the
the time I laughed it off and gave the
the time I laughed it off and gave the artists points for their creativity it
artists points for their creativity it
artists points for their creativity it bothered me but I would never let
bothered me but I would never let
bothered me but I would never let anybody see that I never wanted to be
anybody see that I never wanted to be
anybody see that I never wanted to be looked at is any different than any
looked at is any different than any
looked at is any different than any other Marine officer and I hated
other Marine officer and I hated
other Marine officer and I hated anything that sounded like a victim
anything that sounded like a victim
anything that sounded like a victim narrative so I thought when it was time
narrative so I thought when it was time
narrative so I thought when it was time to leave the military and go back to
to leave the military and go back to
to leave the military and go back to school and become a normal girl again it
school and become a normal girl again it
school and become a normal girl again it was going to be a breeze I could handle
was going to be a breeze I could handle
was going to be a breeze I could handle that it wasn’t I struggled with
that it wasn’t I struggled with
that it wasn’t I struggled with communication I was a very intense
communication I was a very intense
communication I was a very intense person I knew how to press the gas I
person I knew how to press the gas I
person I knew how to press the gas I couldn’t tell you where the brake was
couldn’t tell you where the brake was
couldn’t tell you where the brake was and that only works for so long my
and that only works for so long my
and that only works for so long my unravelling started in the most
unravelling started in the most
unravelling started in the most unexpected place it was a really good
unexpected place it was a really good
unexpected place it was a really good date he smiled at me and his smile lit
date he smiled at me and his smile lit
date he smiled at me and his smile lit up the room he had one of those smiles
up the room he had one of those smiles
up the room he had one of those smiles that you think when he when he looks at
that you think when he when he looks at
that you think when he when he looks at you wow that is a lot of really white
you wow that is a lot of really white
you wow that is a lot of really white teeth so it was sparkly attraction that
teeth so it was sparkly attraction that
teeth so it was sparkly attraction that turned into friendship that turned into
turned into friendship that turned into
turned into friendship that turned into love and that’s where the story started
love and that’s where the story started
love and that’s where the story started unfortunately the story ended the way
unfortunately the story ended the way
unfortunately the story ended the way too many do with broken doors in the
too many do with broken doors in the
too many do with broken doors in the police knocking at the door
police knocking at the door
police knocking at the door I wasn’t rare or special in this
I wasn’t rare or special in this
I wasn’t rare or special in this experience data out of the Veterans
experience data out of the Veterans
experience data out of the Veterans Administration tell us that over a third
Administration tell us that over a third
Administration tell us that over a third of military women experience intimate
of military women experience intimate
of military women experience intimate partner violence I however was very
partner violence I however was very
partner violence I however was very skilled at keeping up appearances you’d
skilled at keeping up appearances you’d
skilled at keeping up appearances you’d never have known it was a problem for me
never have known it was a problem for me
never have known it was a problem for me when an angry outburst left a foot sized
when an angry outburst left a foot sized
when an angry outburst left a foot sized hole in my wall I just moved the
hole in my wall I just moved the
hole in my wall I just moved the furniture and called it redecorating
furniture and called it redecorating
furniture and called it redecorating when folks came to visit I had these
when folks came to visit I had these
when folks came to visit I had these really clever explanations for why a
really clever explanations for why a
really clever explanations for why a door was off the hinges even as we left
door was off the hinges even as we left
door was off the hinges even as we left the Marine Corps and we struggled with
the Marine Corps and we struggled with
the Marine Corps and we struggled with new jobs and we
new jobs and we
new jobs and we struggled with each other you couldn’t
struggled with each other you couldn’t
struggled with each other you couldn’t have paid me to see that there was a
have paid me to see that there was a
have paid me to see that there was a problem and you could never have paid me
problem and you could never have paid me
problem and you could never have paid me to ask for help this is a narrative that
to ask for help this is a narrative that
to ask for help this is a narrative that isn’t strange the story isn’t rare and I
isn’t strange the story isn’t rare and I
isn’t strange the story isn’t rare and I wasn’t unique in my attitude or my
wasn’t unique in my attitude or my
wasn’t unique in my attitude or my aversion to letting anybody see cracks
aversion to letting anybody see cracks
aversion to letting anybody see cracks in my armor you get really used to not
in my armor you get really used to not
in my armor you get really used to not communicating with people when you feel
communicating with people when you feel
communicating with people when you feel like they don’t understand your
like they don’t understand your
like they don’t understand your experience you also are a little bit
experience you also are a little bit
experience you also are a little bit isolated from family and friends with
isolated from family and friends with
isolated from family and friends with all of the geographic moving it’s easy
all of the geographic moving it’s easy
all of the geographic moving it’s easy to feel like there’s not much to say to
to feel like there’s not much to say to
to feel like there’s not much to say to somebody who doesn’t know your world and
somebody who doesn’t know your world and
somebody who doesn’t know your world and doesn’t know your life and doesn’t know
doesn’t know your life and doesn’t know
doesn’t know your life and doesn’t know your community so for me finally I was
your community so for me finally I was
your community so for me finally I was alone in my apartment looking for a
alone in my apartment looking for a
alone in my apartment looking for a really good place to hide the ammunition
really good place to hide the ammunition
really good place to hide the ammunition so that it would be separate from
so that it would be separate from
so that it would be separate from everything else and even I had to
everything else and even I had to
everything else and even I had to finally admit that something wasn’t
finally admit that something wasn’t
finally admit that something wasn’t right
right
right and I packed the car and I left the
and I packed the car and I left the
and I packed the car and I left the state I wasn’t sure if I wanted to and
state I wasn’t sure if I wanted to and
state I wasn’t sure if I wanted to and where did I fit in I certainly wasn’t
where did I fit in I certainly wasn’t
where did I fit in I certainly wasn’t going to go socialize with older
going to go socialize with older
going to go socialize with older veterans down at the VFW bar I didn’t
veterans down at the VFW bar I didn’t
veterans down at the VFW bar I didn’t need to be around alcohol at that
need to be around alcohol at that
need to be around alcohol at that juncture anyway and the civilian
juncture anyway and the civilian
juncture anyway and the civilian community wasn’t any better what did I
community wasn’t any better what did I
community wasn’t any better what did I have in common with somebody in junior
have in common with somebody in junior
have in common with somebody in junior league I was weird the very word veteran
league I was weird the very word veteran
league I was weird the very word veteran calls to mind the image of a man I’m
calls to mind the image of a man I’m
calls to mind the image of a man I’m guilty of it too especially when you say
guilty of it too especially when you say
guilty of it too especially when you say combat veteran but there are 1.6 million
combat veteran but there are 1.6 million
combat veteran but there are 1.6 million women veterans in the United States
women veterans in the United States
women veterans in the United States today and over 30% of those are post
today and over 30% of those are post
today and over 30% of those are post 9/11 era meaning younger veterans our
9/11 era meaning younger veterans our
9/11 era meaning younger veterans our experiences and our issues are markedly
experiences and our issues are markedly
experiences and our issues are markedly similar to our male colleagues but we
similar to our male colleagues but we
similar to our male colleagues but we have some unique ones as well often
have some unique ones as well often
have some unique ones as well often those come down to questions of access
those come down to questions of access
those come down to questions of access the systems and I’m talking both
the systems and I’m talking both
the systems and I’m talking both governmental and nonprofit were very
governmental and nonprofit were very
governmental and nonprofit were very rarely built with us in mind it also is
rarely built with us in mind it also is
rarely built with us in mind it also is an issue of social support so in my
an issue of social support so in my
an issue of social support so in my field today public
field today public
field today public held we talk about protective effect and
held we talk about protective effect and
held we talk about protective effect and one of the most important protective
one of the most important protective
one of the most important protective variables for human health is social
variables for human health is social
variables for human health is social support and yet military women are much
support and yet military women are much
support and yet military women are much less likely to experience a lot of unit
less likely to experience a lot of unit
less likely to experience a lot of unit cohesion and social support while
cohesion and social support while
cohesion and social support while they’re on active duty and this
they’re on active duty and this
they’re on active duty and this manifests in our health outcomes later
manifests in our health outcomes later
manifests in our health outcomes later when we become veterans the issues are
when we become veterans the issues are
when we become veterans the issues are there but we don’t talk about them the
there but we don’t talk about them the
there but we don’t talk about them the issues aren’t necessarily visible and
issues aren’t necessarily visible and
issues aren’t necessarily visible and yet military women are some of the most
yet military women are some of the most
yet military women are some of the most resilient leaders you’ll get to meet I
resilient leaders you’ll get to meet I
resilient leaders you’ll get to meet I know a woman who left the military with
know a woman who left the military with
know a woman who left the military with significant physical injuries and an
significant physical injuries and an
significant physical injuries and an assault history and she went on to start
assault history and she went on to start
assault history and she went on to start a business that does wellness services
a business that does wellness services
a business that does wellness services for wounded warriors she serves every
for wounded warriors she serves every
for wounded warriors she serves every day and tries to help veterans get
day and tries to help veterans get
day and tries to help veterans get things that she didn’t have a woman
things that she didn’t have a woman
things that she didn’t have a woman Marine started the service women’s
Marine started the service women’s
Marine started the service women’s Action Network it’s a nonprofit advocacy
Action Network it’s a nonprofit advocacy
Action Network it’s a nonprofit advocacy group that lobbies for health issues
group that lobbies for health issues
group that lobbies for health issues that impact active duty and veteran
that impact active duty and veteran
that impact active duty and veteran women we are going back to school we’re
women we are going back to school we’re
women we are going back to school we’re using our GI Bill where small business
using our GI Bill where small business
using our GI Bill where small business owners were actually over-represented in
owners were actually over-represented in
owners were actually over-represented in the entrepreneurial spaces we’re
the entrepreneurial spaces we’re
the entrepreneurial spaces we’re advocates or champions so many of my
advocates or champions so many of my
advocates or champions so many of my sisters are absolutely fearless so see
sisters are absolutely fearless so see
sisters are absolutely fearless so see us hire us make space for us in your
us hire us make space for us in your
us hire us make space for us in your veterans service organizations recognize
veterans service organizations recognize
veterans service organizations recognize that yes we have some unique experiences
that yes we have some unique experiences
that yes we have some unique experiences and some unique issues and care about
and some unique issues and care about
and some unique issues and care about them care about them enough to have us
them care about them enough to have us
them care about them enough to have us at the planning table when you’re
at the planning table when you’re
at the planning table when you’re working on your next veteran outreach
working on your next veteran outreach
working on your next veteran outreach project it can make all the difference
project it can make all the difference
project it can make all the difference in the reintegration experience for the
in the reintegration experience for the
in the reintegration experience for the military women that come after us
military women that come after us
military women that come after us these military women are resilient
these military women are resilient
these military women are resilient leaders they’re politicians like senator
leaders they’re politicians like senator
leaders they’re politicians like senator tammy duckworth so recognize that and
tammy duckworth so recognize that and
tammy duckworth so recognize that and let
let
let alter the paradigm thank you
alter the paradigm thank you
alter the paradigm thank you [Applause]
”
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