Insights from A Cancer Warrior | Ms. Varsha Naran | TEDxALC

I have battled I have brought I’ve

I have battled I have brought I’ve attacked

attacked

attacked I have assaulted I have waged war I have

I have assaulted I have waged war I have

I have assaulted I have waged war I have fought in little skirmishes and I have

fought in little skirmishes and I have

fought in little skirmishes and I have fought in epic battles

I have been defeated and I have been

I have been defeated and I have been victorious and I have learned the

victorious and I have learned the

victorious and I have learned the importance of having a battle strategy

importance of having a battle strategy

importance of having a battle strategy I’m here today to share with you my life

I’m here today to share with you my life

I’m here today to share with you my life strategy

strategy

strategy I was only 25 years old when I found a

I was only 25 years old when I found a

I was only 25 years old when I found a lump under my arm a biopsy led me to be

lump under my arm a biopsy led me to be

lump under my arm a biopsy led me to be sitting in front of my doctor and he is

sitting in front of my doctor and he is

sitting in front of my doctor and he is asking me a riddle how do you eat an

asking me a riddle how do you eat an

asking me a riddle how do you eat an elephant

elephant

elephant how do you eat an elephant now I had

how do you eat an elephant now I had

how do you eat an elephant now I had just been diagnosed with breast cancer

just been diagnosed with breast cancer

just been diagnosed with breast cancer right

I felt as if the whole world was falling

I felt as if the whole world was falling apart It was as if I was Alice in

apart It was as if I was Alice in

apart It was as if I was Alice in Wonderland tumbling down this rabbit

Wonderland tumbling down this rabbit

Wonderland tumbling down this rabbit hole

hole

hole I was just falling and falling and

I was just falling and falling and

I was just falling and falling and falling

falling

falling and here he was asking me if I knew how

and here he was asking me if I knew how

and here he was asking me if I knew how to eat an elephant just imagine for a

to eat an elephant just imagine for a

to eat an elephant just imagine for a second they is this huge ginormous

second they is this huge ginormous

second they is this huge ginormous two-ton pink elephant charging at you

two-ton pink elephant charging at you

two-ton pink elephant charging at you that is pretty much what cancer feels

that is pretty much what cancer feels

that is pretty much what cancer feels like

please can you raise your hands up and

please can you raise your hands up and think of eight woman that you care about

think of eight woman that you care about

think of eight woman that you care about could be a mother your sister your niece

could be a mother your sister your niece

could be a mother your sister your niece your friend just eight women

your friend just eight women

your friend just eight women I’ll bring a finger down

I’ll bring a finger down

I’ll bring a finger down thank you the American Cancer Society

thank you the American Cancer Society

thank you the American Cancer Society states that one in eight women are

states that one in eight women are

states that one in eight women are likely to be diagnosed with breast

likely to be diagnosed with breast

likely to be diagnosed with breast cancer in their lifetime one in eight

I want you to realize I want you to

I want you to realize I want you to understand that breast cancer is closer

understand that breast cancer is closer

understand that breast cancer is closer than you think it’s not something that

than you think it’s not something that

than you think it’s not something that happens to someone somewhere else it’s

happens to someone somewhere else it’s

happens to someone somewhere else it’s here it could happen to one of those

here it could happen to one of those

here it could happen to one of those eight women you just thought about

cancer is a disease where your own body

cancer is a disease where your own body betrays you

betrays you

betrays you hence the starts when a cell behaves

hence the starts when a cell behaves

hence the starts when a cell behaves abnormally but can’t cell then

abnormally but can’t cell then

abnormally but can’t cell then multiplies rapidly and these cells that

multiplies rapidly and these cells that

multiplies rapidly and these cells that get together and they form a tumor which

get together and they form a tumor which

get together and they form a tumor which can be seen via an x-ray or felt as a

can be seen via an x-ray or felt as a

can be seen via an x-ray or felt as a lamp as I did chemotherapy is the

lamp as I did chemotherapy is the

lamp as I did chemotherapy is the cocktail of drugs used to treat cancer

cocktail of drugs used to treat cancer

cocktail of drugs used to treat cancer chemotherapy works by killing

chemotherapy works by killing

chemotherapy works by killing fast-growing cells like cancer cells

fast-growing cells like cancer cells

fast-growing cells like cancer cells blood skin nails and here chemotherapy

blood skin nails and here chemotherapy

blood skin nails and here chemotherapy does not discriminate it kills both

does not discriminate it kills both

does not discriminate it kills both healthy cells and cancer cells

hemotherapy for me felt as if what I

hemotherapy for me felt as if what I imagined

imagined

imagined death would feel like

the cold drugs slowly enter your veins

the cold drugs slowly enter your veins and your body becomes progressively

and your body becomes progressively

and your body becomes progressively colder and colder I’m not sure that’s

colder and colder I’m not sure that’s

colder and colder I’m not sure that’s the drugs or if that’s fear

the drugs or if that’s fear

the drugs or if that’s fear hemotherapy is a deeply invasive form of

hemotherapy is a deeply invasive form of

hemotherapy is a deeply invasive form of treatment and it left me feeling weak

chemotherapy also has its upsides though

chemotherapy also has its upsides though I was able to explore a totally new look

I was able to explore a totally new look

I was able to explore a totally new look for the first time in my life I was bald

for the first time in my life I was bald

for the first time in my life I was bald no it’s pretty foxy so thank you

no it’s pretty foxy so thank you

no it’s pretty foxy so thank you chemotherapy for teaching me that beauty

chemotherapy for teaching me that beauty

chemotherapy for teaching me that beauty comes from deep within us

comes from deep within us

comes from deep within us thank you chemotherapy for showing me

thank you chemotherapy for showing me

thank you chemotherapy for showing me that I was stronger than I could ever

that I was stronger than I could ever

that I was stronger than I could ever imagine

chemotherapy was not the end of the

chemotherapy was not the end of the battle what followed was the bilateral

battle what followed was the bilateral

battle what followed was the bilateral mastectomy reconstructive surgery and

mastectomy reconstructive surgery and

mastectomy reconstructive surgery and hormone treatment once that was done

we kind of thought the battles over and

we kind of thought the battles over and I was declared the victor or as I prefer

I was declared the victor or as I prefer

I was declared the victor or as I prefer the Conqueror

and so having fought the biggest battle

and so having fought the biggest battle of my life I decided that I refuse to

of my life I decided that I refuse to

of my life I decided that I refuse to live an onion and refuse to die an

live an onion and refuse to die an

live an onion and refuse to die an unlived life and so I married a

unlived life and so I married a

unlived life and so I married a wonderful man we moved to an island

wonderful man we moved to an island

wonderful man we moved to an island paradise and we had a bouncy beautiful

paradise and we had a bouncy beautiful

paradise and we had a bouncy beautiful oh so very bouncy little boy

and then

and then I had the steady drumming

I had the steady drumming

I had the steady drumming fight fight fight

my cancer like a spy had gone deep deep

my cancer like a spy had gone deep deep deep within me and had mutated to an

deep within me and had mutated to an

deep within me and had mutated to an aggressive form of cancer called her2

aggressive form of cancer called her2

aggressive form of cancer called her2 positive breast cancer after ten years I

positive breast cancer after ten years I

positive breast cancer after ten years I was diagnosed with breast cancer again I

was diagnosed with breast cancer again I

was diagnosed with breast cancer again I was lost and distraught and shocked I

was lost and distraught and shocked I

was lost and distraught and shocked I had no words this was not fair this

had no words this was not fair this

had no words this was not fair this could not be happening

I just didn’t know how to even handle

I just didn’t know how to even handle this

this

this and so my doctors and I convened in the

and so my doctors and I convened in the

and so my doctors and I convened in the war room and we discussed strategy they

war room and we discussed strategy they

war room and we discussed strategy they would open up their war chest and shoot

would open up their war chest and shoot

would open up their war chest and shoot me with all the artillery that they had

me with all the artillery that they had

me with all the artillery that they had chemotherapy

chemotherapy

chemotherapy ceptin radiation home on therapy

I wanted to hold my son’s hand on his

I wanted to hold my son’s hand on his first day at school

I wanted to see him winning his first

I wanted to see him winning his first medal and I wanted to listen to the

medal and I wanted to listen to the

medal and I wanted to listen to the first piece of music that he composed

first time I had face chemo the first

first time I had face chemo the first time I had face cancer

time I had face cancer

time I had face cancer I had conquered it

I had conquered it

I had conquered it cuz I believe that I would not be

cuz I believe that I would not be

cuz I believe that I would not be defeated by it

defeated by it

defeated by it I am NOT defined by cancer

I am NOT defined by cancer

I am NOT defined by cancer this time run

this time run

this time run I would put on my black metal chain-link

I would put on my black metal chain-link

I would put on my black metal chain-link armor on and I would fight

the battle was gruesome Kimo like giant

the battle was gruesome Kimo like giant towered over me

they were days when I felt that I could

they were days when I felt that I could not go on I wanted to give up and there

not go on I wanted to give up and there

not go on I wanted to give up and there were days when I felt utterly invincible

and there were days when I wondered how

and there were days when I wondered how I would get through just

surprisingly enough ten years later and

surprisingly enough ten years later and I still rocked the bald look bald is

I still rocked the bald look bald is

I still rocked the bald look bald is beautiful

I have donned my armor on for cancer

I have donned my armor on for cancer twice I have put on my armor on in life

twice I have put on my armor on in life

twice I have put on my armor on in life many times I refuse to be defined by

many times I refuse to be defined by

many times I refuse to be defined by cancer

cancer

cancer I refuse to be called a survivor for a

I refuse to be called a survivor for a

I refuse to be called a survivor for a survivor I am NOT I am a warrior and

survivor I am NOT I am a warrior and

survivor I am NOT I am a warrior and these are my insights

now reflect on how much of time you make

now reflect on how much of time you make for the things that matter to you

for the things that matter to you

for the things that matter to you I invite you to make time make time to

I invite you to make time make time to

I invite you to make time make time to nurture your soul make time to listen to

nurture your soul make time to listen to

nurture your soul make time to listen to your body make time for the people that

your body make time for the people that

your body make time for the people that you love make time for the things that

you love make time for the things that

you love make time for the things that matter to you

have you ever experienced the perfect

have you ever experienced the perfect moment the moment is so perfect that

moment the moment is so perfect that

moment the moment is so perfect that time itself stands full

I’ve learned that life is not about the

I’ve learned that life is not about the big things life is not about this

big things life is not about this

big things life is not about this pursuit of perfection

pursuit of perfection

pursuit of perfection life is the moment in between

so again I invite you to become

so again I invite you to become collectors collectors of these little

collectors collectors of these little

collectors collectors of these little moments of joy

why’s hug

why’s hug like the sound of your little son

like the sound of your little son

like the sound of your little son falling asleep in your arms

become a collector of these moments of

become a collector of these moments of joys for they pass by so quickly

three

three learn to let go now this has been a

learn to let go now this has been a

learn to let go now this has been a particularly challenging one for me

for me letting go is synonymous with

for me letting go is synonymous with giving up with accepting defeat and I am

giving up with accepting defeat and I am

giving up with accepting defeat and I am not that kind of person

not that kind of person

not that kind of person I don’t accept defeat

I don’t accept defeat

I don’t accept defeat I fight to the end

I’m not saying that I didn’t have bad

I’m not saying that I didn’t have bad days

days

days it just said uncomfortably I’ve had days

it just said uncomfortably I’ve had days

it just said uncomfortably I’ve had days where I felt like giving up and I

where I felt like giving up and I

where I felt like giving up and I wondered why was I putting myself

wondered why was I putting myself

wondered why was I putting myself through this I have had days when I was

through this I have had days when I was

through this I have had days when I was incredibly angry at the injustice of

incredibly angry at the injustice of

incredibly angry at the injustice of being of having cancer second time and

being of having cancer second time and

being of having cancer second time and I’ve had days when I have felt

I’ve had days when I have felt

I’ve had days when I have felt absolutely and totally betrayed by the

absolutely and totally betrayed by the

absolutely and totally betrayed by the one person that is closest to me my own

one person that is closest to me my own

one person that is closest to me my own body

and was during those dark days that Hope

and was during those dark days that Hope whispered to me

letting go is about knowing when to put

letting go is about knowing when to put your armor on and fight

your armor on and fight

your armor on and fight and when to drop down to your knees and

and when to drop down to your knees and

and when to drop down to your knees and pray

pray

pray letting go is a gentle grace he’d say

letting go is a gentle grace he’d say

letting go is a gentle grace he’d say knowing at this too shall pass

when called upon I will put on my armor

when called upon I will put on my armor and I will fight for I fight for myself

and I fight to be the light for other

and I fight to be the light for other warriors that are looking for just a

warriors that are looking for just a

warriors that are looking for just a glimmer of light for I am a warrior of

glimmer of light for I am a warrior of

glimmer of light for I am a warrior of hope