hello how is everyone doing today how is everyone doing today isn’t that magical
everyone doing today isn’t that magical
everyone doing today isn’t that magical where I can ask the question twice and
where I can ask the question twice and
where I can ask the question twice and you get louder right I’m just kidding I
you get louder right I’m just kidding I
you get louder right I’m just kidding I hate it we’ve all had that before
hate it we’ve all had that before
hate it we’ve all had that before funnily enough though the only question
funnily enough though the only question
funnily enough though the only question I hate getting more than the dreaded so
I hate getting more than the dreaded so
I hate getting more than the dreaded so Damon what are you gonna do with your
Damon what are you gonna do with your
Damon what are you gonna do with your philosophy degree is the how are you
philosophy degree is the how are you
philosophy degree is the how are you question I mean think about it how many
question I mean think about it how many
question I mean think about it how many times a day are we asked this question
times a day are we asked this question
times a day are we asked this question one two three dozens of times right and
one two three dozens of times right and
one two three dozens of times right and even more interestingly is that this
even more interestingly is that this
even more interestingly is that this question is being asked by everyone and
question is being asked by everyone and
question is being asked by everyone and importantly everything right so friends
importantly everything right so friends
importantly everything right so friends family strangers and even Facebook I
family strangers and even Facebook I
family strangers and even Facebook I started asking me the question before I
started asking me the question before I
started asking me the question before I post statuses so here I am trying to
post statuses so here I am trying to
post statuses so here I am trying to post my which one was this eight status
post my which one was this eight status
post my which one was this eight status of the day and I am thrown into
of the day and I am thrown into
of the day and I am thrown into seemingly existential crisis I mean
seemingly existential crisis I mean
seemingly existential crisis I mean seriously
seriously
seriously sounds silly but the question how are
sounds silly but the question how are
sounds silly but the question how are you has real impact on how we think of
you has real impact on how we think of
you has real impact on how we think of ourselves think about when is the last
ourselves think about when is the last
ourselves think about when is the last time we’ve actually taken this question
time we’ve actually taken this question
time we’ve actually taken this question seriously you don’t go to a psychology
seriously you don’t go to a psychology
seriously you don’t go to a psychology professional or a therapist it’s
professional or a therapist it’s
professional or a therapist it’s probably been quite a while so that’s
probably been quite a while so that’s
probably been quite a while so that’s why I’m here today I want to talk to you
why I’m here today I want to talk to you
why I’m here today I want to talk to you all about how asking and answering the
all about how asking and answering the
all about how asking and answering the question how are you can impact not only
question how are you can impact not only
question how are you can impact not only our thinking of ourselves but it also
our thinking of ourselves but it also
our thinking of ourselves but it also offers somebody else and ourselves the
offers somebody else and ourselves the
offers somebody else and ourselves the ability to distort the reality of our
ability to distort the reality of our
ability to distort the reality of our mental health and well-being so I’ve
mental health and well-being so I’ve
mental health and well-being so I’ve broken this problem up into three
broken this problem up into three
broken this problem up into three components and the first thing I want to
components and the first thing I want to
components and the first thing I want to talk to you all today about is what I
talk to you all today about is what I
talk to you all today about is what I call the problem of the asker so a Spurs
call the problem of the asker so a Spurs
call the problem of the asker so a Spurs of the question how are you done to be
of the question how are you done to be
of the question how are you done to be pretty in genuine right I mean you can
pretty in genuine right I mean you can
pretty in genuine right I mean you can think about how many times it get asked
think about how many times it get asked
think about how many times it get asked this question today if I had a dime for
this question today if I had a dime for
this question today if I had a dime for every time I was asked a question well I
every time I was asked a question well I
every time I was asked a question well I probably wouldn’t need to be justifying
probably wouldn’t need to be justifying
probably wouldn’t need to be justifying my philosophy degree to anybody right
my philosophy degree to anybody right
my philosophy degree to anybody right and so it has real impact and can you
and so it has real impact and can you
and so it has real impact and can you imagine like every time getting asked
imagine like every time getting asked
imagine like every time getting asked the question how are you to have to
the question how are you to have to
the question how are you to have to disclose your your entire box of
disclose your your entire box of
disclose your your entire box of feelings for the day right I mean try
feelings for the day right I mean try
feelings for the day right I mean try making friends that way it’s not going
making friends that way it’s not going
making friends that way it’s not going to work and assure you that and so this
to work and assure you that and so this
to work and assure you that and so this has real impact on how we’re thinking of
has real impact on how we’re thinking of
has real impact on how we’re thinking of ourselves right and but also how we’re
ourselves right and but also how we’re
ourselves right and but also how we’re interacting with others so what we’re
interacting with others so what we’re
interacting with others so what we’re doing is we’re creating a mutual
doing is we’re creating a mutual
doing is we’re creating a mutual understanding between that person and
understanding between that person and
understanding between that person and person that the answer should be no more
person that the answer should be no more
person that the answer should be no more than one or two words which creates an
than one or two words which creates an
than one or two words which creates an genuine conversation so who’s ever been
genuine conversation so who’s ever been
genuine conversation so who’s ever been asked how are you by someone you’ve
asked how are you by someone you’ve
asked how are you by someone you’ve never met before right probably almost
never met before right probably almost
never met before right probably almost everyone I mean seriously imagine
everyone I mean seriously imagine
everyone I mean seriously imagine telling them an hour of a story how am i
telling them an hour of a story how am i
telling them an hour of a story how am i doing like that’s a huge question right
doing like that’s a huge question right
doing like that’s a huge question right so what this does what the understanding
so what this does what the understanding
so what this does what the understanding that the answer should be no more than
that the answer should be no more than
that the answer should be no more than one or two words forces the answer into
one or two words forces the answer into
one or two words forces the answer into a position of lying so think about how I
a position of lying so think about how I
a position of lying so think about how I started the talk right how are you know
started the talk right how are you know
started the talk right how are you know how are tea right I mean I got you
how are tea right I mean I got you
how are tea right I mean I got you excited to lie look what is that right
excited to lie look what is that right
excited to lie look what is that right so there’s real impact here and think
so there’s real impact here and think
so there’s real impact here and think about this too like lying to ourselves
about this too like lying to ourselves
about this too like lying to ourselves has real implications so think about the
has real implications so think about the
has real implications so think about the example of like someone losing weight
example of like someone losing weight
example of like someone losing weight right so so what happens that person
right so so what happens that person
right so so what happens that person normally has a very hard time telling
normally has a very hard time telling
normally has a very hard time telling they’ve lost weight this because the
they’ve lost weight this because the
they’ve lost weight this because the brain takes into account with small
brain takes into account with small
brain takes into account with small changes that we see on a daily basis and
changes that we see on a daily basis and
changes that we see on a daily basis and forms a new self-image similarly in the
forms a new self-image similarly in the
forms a new self-image similarly in the situation of lying to ourselves our
situation of lying to ourselves our
situation of lying to ourselves our brain
brain
brain takes into account our lies and thinks
takes into account our lies and thinks
takes into account our lies and thinks differently of how we feel right so
differently of how we feel right so
differently of how we feel right so we’re thinking how we’re feeling but
we’re thinking how we’re feeling but
we’re thinking how we’re feeling but what is not happening is that we’re
what is not happening is that we’re
what is not happening is that we’re changing the way in which we feel so
changing the way in which we feel so
changing the way in which we feel so what this does is it creates the severe
what this does is it creates the severe
what this does is it creates the severe form of cognitive dissonance between how
form of cognitive dissonance between how
form of cognitive dissonance between how we think that we feel and what we’re
we think that we feel and what we’re
we think that we feel and what we’re actually feeling right but the problem
actually feeling right but the problem
actually feeling right but the problem doesn’t stop with just the asker so
doesn’t stop with just the asker so
doesn’t stop with just the asker so answers has a question how are you also
answers has a question how are you also
answers has a question how are you also tend to be pretty and genuine think of
tend to be pretty and genuine think of
tend to be pretty and genuine think of how we normally responds the question
how we normally responds the question
how we normally responds the question how are you
how are you
how are you right I’m fine and you what does that
right I’m fine and you what does that
right I’m fine and you what does that offer us zero insight but it convincing
offer us zero insight but it convincing
offer us zero insight but it convincing 100 percent deflection rate right but
100 percent deflection rate right but
100 percent deflection rate right but what does this do
what does this do
what does this do well it’s creating this weird sort of
well it’s creating this weird sort of
well it’s creating this weird sort of misunderstanding between that person and
misunderstanding between that person and
misunderstanding between that person and the person so what the question is
the person so what the question is
the person so what the question is meaning right I mean imagine if I were
meaning right I mean imagine if I were
meaning right I mean imagine if I were to respond how are you and I say hmmm
to respond how are you and I say hmmm
to respond how are you and I say hmmm well you know I’m doing pretty well
well you know I’m doing pretty well
well you know I’m doing pretty well actually yeah I had a really great day
actually yeah I had a really great day
actually yeah I had a really great day an amazing lunch oh but let me let me
an amazing lunch oh but let me let me
an amazing lunch oh but let me let me tell you what Rebecca said what would
tell you what Rebecca said what would
tell you what Rebecca said what would you do you would probably be several
you do you would probably be several
you do you would probably be several hundred feet in front of me because
hundred feet in front of me because
hundred feet in front of me because let’s face that you probably didn’t care
let’s face that you probably didn’t care
let’s face that you probably didn’t care to hear my answer and if you happen to
to hear my answer and if you happen to
to hear my answer and if you happen to stay around you would probably have a
stay around you would probably have a
stay around you would probably have a can this hurry up face right so what’s
can this hurry up face right so what’s
can this hurry up face right so what’s happening then is that answer again is
happening then is that answer again is
happening then is that answer again is forced into a position of lying forced
forced into a position of lying forced
forced into a position of lying forced into a position of repeating the
into a position of repeating the
into a position of repeating the practice of not understanding themselves
practice of not understanding themselves
practice of not understanding themselves but the problem doesn’t stop here with
but the problem doesn’t stop here with
but the problem doesn’t stop here with the answer so let’s think of another way
the answer so let’s think of another way
the answer so let’s think of another way in which we answer the question how are
in which we answer the question how are
in which we answer the question how are you fine
here’s a challenge for you next time
here’s a challenge for you next time someone gives you the answer fine follow
someone gives you the answer fine follow
someone gives you the answer fine follow up with them ask them hmm okay
up with them ask them hmm okay
up with them ask them hmm okay why are you doing fine today get ready
why are you doing fine today get ready
why are you doing fine today get ready for some confusion and maybe a little
for some confusion and maybe a little
for some confusion and maybe a little bit of anger right but justifiably so
bit of anger right but justifiably so
bit of anger right but justifiably so see the thing is fine is not an emotion
see the thing is fine is not an emotion
see the thing is fine is not an emotion right so so getting so much explained
right so so getting so much explained
right so so getting so much explained like why are you feeling fine it’s a
like why are you feeling fine it’s a
like why are you feeling fine it’s a seemingly impossible task and insert any
seemingly impossible task and insert any
seemingly impossible task and insert any active good add blue yellow right silly
active good add blue yellow right silly
active good add blue yellow right silly when we think about it that way so what
when we think about it that way so what
when we think about it that way so what this does is the creation of this new
this does is the creation of this new
this does is the creation of this new weird emotion new weird word and
weird emotion new weird word and
weird emotion new weird word and response is widening that gap again
response is widening that gap again
response is widening that gap again between how we think that we feel and
between how we think that we feel and
between how we think that we feel and how we actually feel so we’ve talked
how we actually feel so we’ve talked
how we actually feel so we’ve talked about the problem of the asker talked
about the problem of the asker talked
about the problem of the asker talked about the problem the answer but maybe
about the problem the answer but maybe
about the problem the answer but maybe didn’t probably print problematize one
didn’t probably print problematize one
didn’t probably print problematize one more thing alright maybe there’s
more thing alright maybe there’s
more thing alright maybe there’s something else
something else
something else maybe we can talk about the problem of
maybe we can talk about the problem of
maybe we can talk about the problem of the question so maybe the question is
the question so maybe the question is
the question so maybe the question is just a bad question right so here’s a
just a bad question right so here’s a
just a bad question right so here’s a task for you find a little game
task for you find a little game
task for you find a little game I’m activity when you leave after the
I’m activity when you leave after the
I’m activity when you leave after the talk or since we all have smartphones
talk or since we all have smartphones
talk or since we all have smartphones now if you want Google search how are
now if you want Google search how are
now if you want Google search how are you responses there you can find 101
you responses there you can find 101
you responses there you can find 101 creative ways to answer the question how
creative ways to answer the question how
creative ways to answer the question how are you and if you’re really curious how
are you and if you’re really curious how
are you and if you’re really curious how to kill the job interview by nailing the
to kill the job interview by nailing the
to kill the job interview by nailing the question how are you which the answer is
question how are you which the answer is
question how are you which the answer is perfect so start using that apparently
perfect so start using that apparently
perfect so start using that apparently right but but what does this tell us
right but but what does this tell us
right but but what does this tell us right if neither the asker nor the
right if neither the asker nor the
right if neither the asker nor the answer apparently nobody since google’s
answer apparently nobody since google’s
answer apparently nobody since google’s try and ask this question knows how to
try and ask this question knows how to
try and ask this question knows how to answer the question how are you then why
answer the question how are you then why
answer the question how are you then why are we asked this question so many times
are we asked this question so many times
are we asked this question so many times a day right I mean would we answer and
a day right I mean would we answer and
a day right I mean would we answer and engage in conversation in a similar
engage in conversation in a similar
engage in conversation in a similar fashion with any other question think
fashion with any other question think
fashion with any other question think about this
what do you do for a living oh I’m a
what do you do for a living oh I’m a doctor into you I mean I wish I could be
doctor into you I mean I wish I could be
doctor into you I mean I wish I could be talked to and I think some of us wish
talked to and I think some of us wish
talked to and I think some of us wish that we could be doctors and some of us
that we could be doctors and some of us
that we could be doctors and some of us are doctors but the majority of us would
are doctors but the majority of us would
are doctors but the majority of us would be lying right and we can laugh but we
be lying right and we can laugh but we
be lying right and we can laugh but we can be like oh that’s funny so if we can
can be like oh that’s funny so if we can
can be like oh that’s funny so if we can do that with something as extraneous and
do that with something as extraneous and
do that with something as extraneous and small and as a profession why are we so
small and as a profession why are we so
small and as a profession why are we so readily available to lie about something
readily available to lie about something
readily available to lie about something is integral its mental health and
is integral its mental health and
is integral its mental health and well-being you should probably do
well-being you should probably do
well-being you should probably do something about this now what I want to
something about this now what I want to
something about this now what I want to argue to you it’s not that fixing the
argue to you it’s not that fixing the
argue to you it’s not that fixing the problem of this huge dissonance is going
problem of this huge dissonance is going
problem of this huge dissonance is going to be easy by any means right but I do
to be easy by any means right but I do
to be easy by any means right but I do want argue to you that’s starting to
want argue to you that’s starting to
want argue to you that’s starting to make small steps for it’s changing the
make small steps for it’s changing the
make small steps for it’s changing the problem and fixing the problem isn’t
problem and fixing the problem isn’t
problem and fixing the problem isn’t necessarily going to take a psychology
necessarily going to take a psychology
necessarily going to take a psychology professional or a therapist right we can
professional or a therapist right we can
professional or a therapist right we can start doing it now so let’s start by
start doing it now so let’s start by
start doing it now so let’s start by fixing the problem of the Oscar for some
fixing the problem of the Oscar for some
fixing the problem of the Oscar for some reason I don’t know why we just parently
reason I don’t know why we just parently
reason I don’t know why we just parently like the word fine or good or whatever
like the word fine or good or whatever
like the word fine or good or whatever right
right
right so if that’s what we want to hear let’s
so if that’s what we want to hear let’s
so if that’s what we want to hear let’s start conversations off by saying hi
start conversations off by saying hi
start conversations off by saying hi tell me you’re fine oh okay I’m fine now
tell me you’re fine oh okay I’m fine now
tell me you’re fine oh okay I’m fine now you tell me right that’s very weird
you tell me right that’s very weird
you tell me right that’s very weird right very strange but and it gets to
right very strange but and it gets to
right very strange but and it gets to the point but but it’s not really what
the point but but it’s not really what
the point but but it’s not really what we want to hear probably not so maybe we
we want to hear probably not so maybe we
we want to hear probably not so maybe we can go deeper maybe we can go deeper
can go deeper maybe we can go deeper
can go deeper maybe we can go deeper into our understanding and understand
into our understanding and understand
into our understanding and understand the question for what it really is broad
the question for what it really is broad
the question for what it really is broad confusing and misunderstood so what can
confusing and misunderstood so what can
confusing and misunderstood so what can we do well how about we start asking
we do well how about we start asking
we do well how about we start asking targeted questions so questions like
targeted questions so questions like
targeted questions so questions like what did you do today what did you enjoy
what did you do today what did you enjoy
what did you do today what did you enjoy about your day
about your day
about your day have you thought about switching your
have you thought about switching your
have you thought about switching your philosophy degree there we can start
philosophy degree there we can start
philosophy degree there we can start engaging that person in conversation and
engaging that person in conversation and
engaging that person in conversation and have real dialogue with them and learn
have real dialogue with them and learn
have real dialogue with them and learn things or we can just say hello and move
things or we can just say hello and move
things or we can just say hello and move on like we probably do anyways but we
on like we probably do anyways but we
on like we probably do anyways but we can also go further we can ask things
can also go further we can ask things
can also go further we can ask things like follow-up questions so why did you
like follow-up questions so why did you
like follow-up questions so why did you enjoy that part of your day why did you
enjoy that part of your day why did you
enjoy that part of your day why did you have a good day are you sure you haven’t
have a good day are you sure you haven’t
have a good day are you sure you haven’t learn about switching your philosophy
learn about switching your philosophy
learn about switching your philosophy degree and in that way not only show
degree and in that way not only show
degree and in that way not only show that we’re interested but challenge that
that we’re interested but challenge that
that we’re interested but challenge that person to understand how they feel why
person to understand how they feel why
person to understand how they feel why they feel right I mean it’s gonna feel a
they feel right I mean it’s gonna feel a
they feel right I mean it’s gonna feel a little strange I know but like that’s
little strange I know but like that’s
little strange I know but like that’s what emotions are supposed to do to us
what emotions are supposed to do to us
what emotions are supposed to do to us so so we talk about the problem the
so so we talk about the problem the
so so we talk about the problem the Hangout asker now we can address the
Hangout asker now we can address the
Hangout asker now we can address the problem of the answer so next time
problem of the answer so next time
problem of the answer so next time someone gives you the answer of or next
someone gives you the answer of or next
someone gives you the answer of or next time someone asks the question how are
time someone asks the question how are
time someone asks the question how are you I would challenge you to respond do
you I would challenge you to respond do
you I would challenge you to respond do really care to know or if you’re not
really care to know or if you’re not
really care to know or if you’re not feeling as bold as I would like you to
feeling as bold as I would like you to
feeling as bold as I would like you to I’m a huge fan of being bold if you’re
I’m a huge fan of being bold if you’re
I’m a huge fan of being bold if you’re about to give the answer of fine stop
about to give the answer of fine stop
about to give the answer of fine stop think to yourself what does it mean to
think to yourself what does it mean to
think to yourself what does it mean to feel fine am I actually feeling fine is
feel fine am I actually feeling fine is
feel fine am I actually feeling fine is the fact that I stayed up till 3:00 a.m.
the fact that I stayed up till 3:00 a.m.
the fact that I stayed up till 3:00 a.m. thinking about what I’m gonna do with my
thinking about what I’m gonna do with my
thinking about what I’m gonna do with my future making me feel fine and there we
future making me feel fine and there we
future making me feel fine and there we can start beginning the process of
can start beginning the process of
can start beginning the process of understanding ourselves so why am I here
understanding ourselves so why am I here
understanding ourselves so why am I here today well it’s not to change the way in
today well it’s not to change the way in
today well it’s not to change the way in which you think changed the way in which
which you think changed the way in which
which you think changed the way in which you feel talk anything but what I do
you feel talk anything but what I do
you feel talk anything but what I do want to try and do
want to try and do
want to try and do and what I’ve attempted to do is to stop
and what I’ve attempted to do is to stop
and what I’ve attempted to do is to stop the constant lying that we’re doing to
the constant lying that we’re doing to
the constant lying that we’re doing to not only ourselves with other people
not only ourselves with other people
not only ourselves with other people right fixing the problem of mental
right fixing the problem of mental
right fixing the problem of mental health and well-being and understanding
health and well-being and understanding
health and well-being and understanding ourselves is probably one of the hardest
ourselves is probably one of the hardest
ourselves is probably one of the hardest things that we will ever have to tackle
things that we will ever have to tackle
things that we will ever have to tackle in this generation and what I can assure
in this generation and what I can assure
in this generation and what I can assure you is that lying about ourselves to
you is that lying about ourselves to
you is that lying about ourselves to others and ourselves it’s not going to
others and ourselves it’s not going to
others and ourselves it’s not going to be aiding in any kind of solution and I
be aiding in any kind of solution and I
be aiding in any kind of solution and I also want to say you’re probably
also want to say you’re probably
also want to say you’re probably thinking Damon this is a lot easier said
thinking Damon this is a lot easier said
thinking Damon this is a lot easier said than done like I mean this is built in
than done like I mean this is built in
than done like I mean this is built in and I agree if I see any of you during
and I agree if I see any of you during
and I agree if I see any of you during lunch or if throughout the rest of ten
lunch or if throughout the rest of ten
lunch or if throughout the rest of ten I’ll probably ask you how you’re doing
I’ll probably ask you how you’re doing
I’ll probably ask you how you’re doing but what I will do is come back and say
but what I will do is come back and say
but what I will do is come back and say no just kidding right or if you ask me I
no just kidding right or if you ask me I
no just kidding right or if you ask me I might say tired but then I’ll come back
might say tired but then I’ll come back
might say tired but then I’ll come back say no I’m not tired but let me tell you
say no I’m not tired but let me tell you
say no I’m not tired but let me tell you about my day right it sound crazy but
about my day right it sound crazy but
about my day right it sound crazy but that’s what we do when we’re trying to
that’s what we do when we’re trying to
that’s what we do when we’re trying to change things but in that way we can
change things but in that way we can
change things but in that way we can start dismantling this problem in
start dismantling this problem in
start dismantling this problem in creating real change towards fixing
creating real change towards fixing
creating real change towards fixing these huge huge problems such as mental
these huge huge problems such as mental
these huge huge problems such as mental health well-being understanding
health well-being understanding
health well-being understanding ourselves so I want to leave you with a
ourselves so I want to leave you with a
ourselves so I want to leave you with a little deal if I have to stand up here
little deal if I have to stand up here
little deal if I have to stand up here and in life and be proud about my
and in life and be proud about my
and in life and be proud about my philosophy degree and not lie about it
philosophy degree and not lie about it
philosophy degree and not lie about it then you all are certainly not allowed
then you all are certainly not allowed
then you all are certainly not allowed to lie to me or anyone else about being
to lie to me or anyone else about being
to lie to me or anyone else about being fine thank you
”
Be First to Comment