I think it’s good if I after all is very intense and very these good speeches so
intense and very these good speeches so
intense and very these good speeches so positive speeches but having material as
positive speeches but having material as
positive speeches but having material as well I’d say I go off the stage and I
well I’d say I go off the stage and I
well I’d say I go off the stage and I come onstage again and then you really
come onstage again and then you really
come onstage again and then you really cheer out so instead of plan so I got
cheer out so instead of plan so I got
cheer out so instead of plan so I got offstage and if I’m back here what here
offstage and if I’m back here what here
offstage and if I’m back here what here I go take her okay every minute yeah
thank you thank you so much
thank you thank you so much [Applause]
[Applause]
[Applause] thanks so much as I’ve heard I’m Fabian
thanks so much as I’ve heard I’m Fabian
thanks so much as I’ve heard I’m Fabian and I must tell you I’m still a bit
and I must tell you I’m still a bit
and I must tell you I’m still a bit varied because I yet haven’t met this
varied because I yet haven’t met this
varied because I yet haven’t met this guy called Ted
guy called Ted
guy called Ted so Tony told it I want to be a stand-up
so Tony told it I want to be a stand-up
so Tony told it I want to be a stand-up comedian but I’m Swiss
this is like if you’re a Scandinavian
this is like if you’re a Scandinavian and say yes I am very passionate or if
and say yes I am very passionate or if
and say yes I am very passionate or if you are friends say yes I’m a shark in a
you are friends say yes I’m a shark in a
you are friends say yes I’m a shark in a strange but I am so organised doesn’t
strange but I am so organised doesn’t
strange but I am so organised doesn’t fire if you have an Italian saying
fire if you have an Italian saying
fire if you have an Italian saying Charles oh no Giancarlo and I am very
Charles oh no Giancarlo and I am very
Charles oh no Giancarlo and I am very punctual and let’s be fair and honest
punctual and let’s be fair and honest
punctual and let’s be fair and honest the Italians are not punctual they are
the Italians are not punctual they are
the Italians are not punctual they are not yesterday I’ve met an Italian he was
not yesterday I’ve met an Italian he was
not yesterday I’ve met an Italian he was so late he still believed it’s March and
so late he still believed it’s March and
so late he still believed it’s March and I started my comedy I saw my comedy in
I started my comedy I saw my comedy in
I started my comedy I saw my comedy in at school so I performed little sense to
at school so I performed little sense to
at school so I performed little sense to my seat neighbours to the left and to
my seat neighbours to the left and to
my seat neighbours to the left and to the right and which was to my surprise
the right and which was to my surprise
the right and which was to my surprise not really welcome I often times ended
not really welcome I often times ended
not really welcome I often times ended up in front of the door of the classroom
up in front of the door of the classroom
up in front of the door of the classroom and top doing extra homework and
and top doing extra homework and
and top doing extra homework and suddenly people for the exact same
suddenly people for the exact same
suddenly people for the exact same behavior people started to pay me money
really that’s confusing and money money
really that’s confusing and money money is one thing like sort of a Swiss
is one thing like sort of a Swiss
is one thing like sort of a Swiss mannerism our relationship to money but
mannerism our relationship to money but
mannerism our relationship to money but this other man reasons here as well for
this other man reasons here as well for
this other man reasons here as well for instance you might have known this we
instance you might have known this we
instance you might have known this we have rules how to cut
have rules how to cut
have rules how to cut OSHA’s I mean in gardening so do you yes
OSHA’s I mean in gardening so do you yes
OSHA’s I mean in gardening so do you yes do you know another country that has
do you know another country that has
do you know another country that has rules for cutting bushes not me that’s
rules for cutting bushes not me that’s
rules for cutting bushes not me that’s that’s weird or for instance our garbage
that’s weird or for instance our garbage
that’s weird or for instance our garbage bag system you pay 20 bucks 20 francs
bag system you pay 20 bucks 20 francs
bag system you pay 20 bucks 20 francs for 10 35 litre bags that’s a long I
for 10 35 litre bags that’s a long I
for 10 35 litre bags that’s a long I have an American friend and she called
have an American friend and she called
have an American friend and she called her father Dan I can’t believe it it’s
her father Dan I can’t believe it it’s
her father Dan I can’t believe it it’s like 10 10 bags for 20 bucks oh no
like 10 10 bags for 20 bucks oh no
like 10 10 bags for 20 bucks oh no worries I’m gonna send you some this
worries I’m gonna send you some this
worries I’m gonna send you some this does not really solve the problem it’s
does not really solve the problem it’s
does not really solve the problem it’s not the back that is expensive it’s the
not the back that is expensive it’s the
not the back that is expensive it’s the taxes so and I think most of you work in
taxes so and I think most of you work in
taxes so and I think most of you work in it at the company and you might have
it at the company and you might have
it at the company and you might have come across a thing called a pair oh who
come across a thing called a pair oh who
come across a thing called a pair oh who knows opera raise your hand
knows opera raise your hand
knows opera raise your hand Appa is weird right
Appa is weird right
Appa is weird right where does this phenomenon come from I
where does this phenomenon come from I
where does this phenomenon come from I did some research and I found out that
did some research and I found out that
did some research and I found out that in Sweden we have the longest working
in Sweden we have the longest working
in Sweden we have the longest working hours globally and in reality this is
hours globally and in reality this is
hours globally and in reality this is not really a pleasure
not really a pleasure
not really a pleasure so opera is nothing else than you are
so opera is nothing else than you are
so opera is nothing else than you are bloody too tired at work but you still
bloody too tired at work but you still
bloody too tired at work but you still can’t leave the office
this is when we do opera so people get
this is when we do opera so people get together in the office and get pissed
together in the office and get pissed
together in the office and get pissed this is one of the rare occasions you
this is one of the rare occasions you
this is one of the rare occasions you can see your bones strong and I think
can see your bones strong and I think
can see your bones strong and I think this is also where you should plan maybe
this is also where you should plan maybe
this is also where you should plan maybe your salary negotiation combos just a
your salary negotiation combos just a
your salary negotiation combos just a 10% increase just 10% that’s that’s a
10% increase just 10% that’s that’s a
10% increase just 10% that’s that’s a good way and especially in officer
good way and especially in officer
good way and especially in officer everywhere
everywhere
everywhere we are quite if not very punctual and
we are quite if not very punctual and
we are quite if not very punctual and punctuality is the DNA of Switzerland
punctuality is the DNA of Switzerland
punctuality is the DNA of Switzerland it’s what the entire economy is built
it’s what the entire economy is built
it’s what the entire economy is built around and take situation at the railway
around and take situation at the railway
around and take situation at the railway station I become nervous if I see oh my
station I become nervous if I see oh my
station I become nervous if I see oh my god
god
god train is late 15 seconds okay after 50
train is late 15 seconds okay after 50
train is late 15 seconds okay after 50 more 3500 I start to tap from one foot
more 3500 I start to tap from one foot
more 3500 I start to tap from one foot to the earth oh it’s late for 30 seconds
to the earth oh it’s late for 30 seconds
to the earth oh it’s late for 30 seconds already after one minute we start to
already after one minute we start to
already after one minute we start to make eye contact or funk did you see
make eye contact or funk did you see
make eye contact or funk did you see it’s one minute it’s one minute late
it’s one minute it’s one minute late
it’s one minute it’s one minute late after two minutes two minutes late
after two minutes two minutes late
after two minutes two minutes late Switzerland is falling apart
Switzerland is falling apart
Switzerland is falling apart it’s doomsday what the hell do we do so
it’s doomsday what the hell do we do so
it’s doomsday what the hell do we do so we have a I I have a very intense
we have a I I have a very intense
we have a I I have a very intense relationship with my wristwatch this is
relationship with my wristwatch this is
relationship with my wristwatch this is why it’s so big I’d say my relationship
why it’s so big I’d say my relationship
why it’s so big I’d say my relationship with my wristwatch is deeper than my
with my wristwatch is deeper than my
with my wristwatch is deeper than my relationship with my girlfriend when we
relationship with my girlfriend when we
relationship with my girlfriend when we go on vacation I even booked my
go on vacation I even booked my
go on vacation I even booked my wristwatch a separate airplane seat
wristwatch a separate airplane seat
wristwatch a separate airplane seat because I think it needs to be cherished
because I think it needs to be cherished
because I think it needs to be cherished it just deserves it
it just deserves it
it just deserves it and in order to make make us feel home
and in order to make make us feel home
and in order to make make us feel home make us welcome we speak our indigenous
make us welcome we speak our indigenous
make us welcome we speak our indigenous language it’s our maid Swiss German you
language it’s our maid Swiss German you
language it’s our maid Swiss German you have noticed it’s a bit different
have noticed it’s a bit different
have noticed it’s a bit different so there is no written Swiss German it’s
so there is no written Swiss German it’s
so there is no written Swiss German it’s just a spoken language and I must admit
just a spoken language and I must admit
just a spoken language and I must admit back in the days there were people who
back in the days there were people who
back in the days there were people who could write Swiss German but they were
could write Swiss German but they were
could write Swiss German but they were tortured they were exposed to
tortured they were exposed to
tortured they were exposed to traditional Swiss music never exposed to
traditional Swiss music never exposed to
traditional Swiss music never exposed to land ler and yodeling because we need to
land ler and yodeling because we need to
land ler and yodeling because we need to keep Swiss German as a secret language
keep Swiss German as a secret language
keep Swiss German as a secret language it’s very secretive this is our Da Vinci
it’s very secretive this is our Da Vinci
it’s very secretive this is our Da Vinci Code I mean the Americans they have the
Code I mean the Americans they have the
Code I mean the Americans they have the NSA we have Swiss German and really
NSA we have Swiss German and really
NSA we have Swiss German and really beloved it means a lot to us
beloved it means a lot to us
beloved it means a lot to us and I must say there is immigrants in
and I must say there is immigrants in
and I must say there is immigrants in Zurich who even speak a bad Swiss German
Zurich who even speak a bad Swiss German
Zurich who even speak a bad Swiss German usually these immigrants come from
usually these immigrants come from
usually these immigrants come from bouncing and the question is what the
bouncing and the question is what the
bouncing and the question is what the hell is the difference between Swiss
hell is the difference between Swiss
hell is the difference between Swiss German and high German so views I shall
German and high German so views I shall
German and high German so views I shall be employed if we see mmm we need to
be employed if we see mmm we need to
be employed if we see mmm we need to bring across really hard harsh message
bring across really hard harsh message
bring across really hard harsh message so if you go the results are very good
so if you go the results are very good
so if you go the results are very good iBM is not tight leash passive and this
iBM is not tight leash passive and this
iBM is not tight leash passive and this is the point where you go a eat
is the point where you go a eat
is the point where you go a eat why God if you do the same thing in
why God if you do the same thing in
why God if you do the same thing in Swiss German the results are very good
Swiss German the results are very good
Swiss German the results are very good over me
over me
over me chocolate repays severe there gallon
simply doesn’t burn and we are a multi
simply doesn’t burn and we are a multi language country so we have most of us
language country so we have most of us
language country so we have most of us only speak one language within okay
only speak one language within okay
only speak one language within okay that’s in our forecast but you might
that’s in our forecast but you might
that’s in our forecast but you might have travelled you might have come
have travelled you might have come
have travelled you might have come across a language like in the mountains
across a language like in the mountains
across a language like in the mountains in the canton of greece owns a language
in the canton of greece owns a language
in the canton of greece owns a language called Romansh
called Romansh
called Romansh who knows romans i must admit i the hell
who knows romans i must admit i the hell
who knows romans i must admit i the hell have no idea what that is
have no idea what that is
have no idea what that is i think it’s sort of a cow dialect
i think it’s sort of a cow dialect
i think it’s sort of a cow dialect this is how they communicate and just
this is how they communicate and just
this is how they communicate and just the humans adapt to and from our charity
the humans adapt to and from our charity
the humans adapt to and from our charity Vance really goes moon really that’s
Vance really goes moon really that’s
Vance really goes moon really that’s intense
intense
intense and to most of us face we define
and to most of us face we define
and to most of us face we define Switzerland at least the majority of big
Switzerland at least the majority of big
Switzerland at least the majority of big swiss german
swiss german
swiss german VT finds with something as the swiss
VT finds with something as the swiss
VT finds with something as the swiss german speaking part so to us france
german speaking part so to us france
german speaking part so to us france starts a right behind it behind burn so
starts a right behind it behind burn so
starts a right behind it behind burn so if you get across that potato trench
if you get across that potato trench
if you get across that potato trench across the Hirsch the global this is
across the Hirsch the global this is
across the Hirsch the global this is where you already meet French and I’d
where you already meet French and I’d
where you already meet French and I’d say did the people from nurse Adele
say did the people from nurse Adele
say did the people from nurse Adele Freebo ever da Lausanne Geneva it’s
Freebo ever da Lausanne Geneva it’s
Freebo ever da Lausanne Geneva it’s nothing but French who are used to bad
nothing but French who are used to bad
nothing but French who are used to bad wine have you ever tried a thing called
wine have you ever tried a thing called
wine have you ever tried a thing called photon reef fauna is an experienced
photon reef fauna is an experienced
photon reef fauna is an experienced fauna is a better vinegar in Zurich
fauna is a better vinegar in Zurich
fauna is a better vinegar in Zurich views further in the hospital as it is
views further in the hospital as it is
views further in the hospital as it is infected and take even spotting a bottle
infected and take even spotting a bottle
infected and take even spotting a bottle of photon can ish initiate an abortion
of photon can ish initiate an abortion
of photon can ish initiate an abortion really that is dangerous try to
really that is dangerous try to
really that is dangerous try to stay away from it and once these people
stay away from it and once these people
stay away from it and once these people come across the board to burn they need
come across the board to burn they need
come across the board to burn they need avert working permit so some of you
avert working permit so some of you
avert working permit so some of you might have one maybe some words and then
might have one maybe some words and then
might have one maybe some words and then I think there’s four permits the first
I think there’s four permits the first
I think there’s four permits the first to have is the permit G per me G is
to have is the permit G per me G is
to have is the permit G per me G is grants Kanger and G stands for go home
grants Kanger and G stands for go home
grants Kanger and G stands for go home in the evening we don’t want you to stay
in the evening we don’t want you to stay
in the evening we don’t want you to stay overnight it’s like the French the
overnight it’s like the French the
overnight it’s like the French the Italians the German we want them to get
Italians the German we want them to get
Italians the German we want them to get out because we think they could
out because we think they could
out because we think they could potentially start a war
potentially start a war
potentially start a war that’s heavy ain’t it and then we
that’s heavy ain’t it and then we
that’s heavy ain’t it and then we have the permit Elle Elle is you have to
have the permit Elle Elle is you have to
have the permit Elle Elle is you have to leave and for leave after six months so
leave and for leave after six months so
leave and for leave after six months so we take your labor but we don’t want you
we take your labor but we don’t want you
we take your labor but we don’t want you to make friends here and I assume that
to make friends here and I assume that
to make friends here and I assume that making friends here for an expert is not
making friends here for an expert is not
making friends here for an expert is not too easy
too easy
too easy you think who thinks no it’s difficult
you think who thinks no it’s difficult
you think who thinks no it’s difficult to make friends in Switzerland raise
to make friends in Switzerland raise
to make friends in Switzerland raise your hands okay some people and as you
your hands okay some people and as you
your hands okay some people and as you say I think making friends here is easy
say I think making friends here is easy
say I think making friends here is easy it’s really easy um there’s two ways you
it’s really easy um there’s two ways you
it’s really easy um there’s two ways you can either pay cash or credit card yes
can either pay cash or credit card yes
can either pay cash or credit card yes and and after that you have to permit be
and and after that you have to permit be
and and after that you have to permit be permit be means you can be here but we
permit be means you can be here but we
permit be means you can be here but we still don’t like you and really the best
still don’t like you and really the best
still don’t like you and really the best thing to get is there is a permit C C
thing to get is there is a permit C C
thing to get is there is a permit C C stands for congrats you’ve made it yes
stands for congrats you’ve made it yes
stands for congrats you’ve made it yes who has to see who has a permit C lovely
who has to see who has a permit C lovely
who has to see who has a permit C lovely love is so many oh what do we do
love is so many oh what do we do
love is so many oh what do we do now but even better than a permit C is a
now but even better than a permit C is a
now but even better than a permit C is a passport and in order to get this
passport and in order to get this
passport and in order to get this response for it there is two ways and
response for it there is two ways and
response for it there is two ways and either you marry someone you don’t love
how you make it to the Swiss national
how you make it to the Swiss national football team
really that’s it’s a very international
really that’s it’s a very international have you seen that it’s so into its I
have you seen that it’s so into its I
have you seen that it’s so into its I think it’s it’s something like the
think it’s it’s something like the
think it’s it’s something like the French Foreign Legion
French Foreign Legion
French Foreign Legion well encounters to the French Foreign
well encounters to the French Foreign
well encounters to the French Foreign Legion our team usually loses the
Legion our team usually loses the
Legion our team usually loses the battles it’s very international so we
battles it’s very international so we
battles it’s very international so we have people from Serbia Croatia the
have people from Serbia Croatia the
have people from Serbia Croatia the cause of all Spain it’s so international
cause of all Spain it’s so international
cause of all Spain it’s so international we even got an Eskimo playing for our
we even got an Eskimo playing for our
we even got an Eskimo playing for our team
team
team I thought the punch line is better I I
I thought the punch line is better I I
I thought the punch line is better I I cross that out now and watching our team
cross that out now and watching our team
cross that out now and watching our team is always a hassle so it’s it’s like
is always a hassle so it’s it’s like
is always a hassle so it’s it’s like okay I’m ready for a heart attack during
okay I’m ready for a heart attack during
okay I’m ready for a heart attack during the next night oh my god oh my god but
the next night oh my god oh my god but
the next night oh my god oh my god but it’s the Germans go ah fun four to zero
it’s the Germans go ah fun four to zero
it’s the Germans go ah fun four to zero okay this is quite good but it could be
okay this is quite good but it could be
okay this is quite good but it could be even better nah I must admit I I think I
even better nah I must admit I I think I
even better nah I must admit I I think I look a bit younger than I am I’m 40 now
all the others now think what kind of an
all the others now think what kind of an asshole
asshole
asshole so it’s not just cool if I go to a
so it’s not just cool if I go to a
so it’s not just cool if I go to a restaurant with my girlfriend she gets
restaurant with my girlfriend she gets
restaurant with my girlfriend she gets the menu it’s opened on the first page I
the menu it’s opened on the first page I
the menu it’s opened on the first page I get the menu on the fifth last page for
get the menu on the fifth last page for
get the menu on the fifth last page for our little ones menu Ninja Turtle when
our little ones menu Ninja Turtle when
our little ones menu Ninja Turtle when you Bob the Builder or if you go to a
you Bob the Builder or if you go to a
you Bob the Builder or if you go to a butchery you order three steaks you get
butchery you order three steaks you get
butchery you order three steaks you get three steaks I get three steaks as well
three steaks I get three steaks as well
three steaks I get three steaks as well in a poetry but afterwards always the
in a poetry but afterwards always the
in a poetry but afterwards always the question would you fancy a little
question would you fancy a little
question would you fancy a little sausage so me sitting in an aircraft is
sausage so me sitting in an aircraft is
sausage so me sitting in an aircraft is like the flight attendants me and tells
like the flight attendants me and tells
like the flight attendants me and tells me look I got a little piece of paper
me look I got a little piece of paper
me look I got a little piece of paper you got some numbers on it
you got some numbers on it
you got some numbers on it you can connect them in in the end you
you can connect them in in the end you
you can connect them in in the end you get a little picture and in the after
get a little picture and in the after
get a little picture and in the after you have like intercoms cabin crew
you have like intercoms cabin crew
you have like intercoms cabin crew yellow doors select the zone have you
yellow doors select the zone have you
yellow doors select the zone have you heard that cabin crew what the hell is
heard that cabin crew what the hell is
heard that cabin crew what the hell is he trying to tell us one thing is clear
he trying to tell us one thing is clear
he trying to tell us one thing is clear we feel oh wow
we feel oh wow
we feel oh wow we trust that man or that lady in the
we trust that man or that lady in the
we trust that man or that lady in the cockpit I think he could be sitting
cockpit I think he could be sitting
cockpit I think he could be sitting there right in front okay
there right in front okay
there right in front okay which sentence I’m gonna tell them now I
which sentence I’m gonna tell them now I
which sentence I’m gonna tell them now I think why not tell things that might
think why not tell things that might
think why not tell things that might surprise an audience in the aircraft
surprise an audience in the aircraft
surprise an audience in the aircraft like ladies and gentlemen a systematic
like ladies and gentlemen a systematic
like ladies and gentlemen a systematic happen from the cockpit the captain will
happen from the cockpit the captain will
happen from the cockpit the captain will serve you dinner in a few moments we
serve you dinner in a few moments we
serve you dinner in a few moments we have decided to switch chops in order to
have decided to switch chops in order to
have decided to switch chops in order to have a little fun and in general I think
have a little fun and in general I think
have a little fun and in general I think pilots are not able to speak in a normal
pilots are not able to speak in a normal
pilots are not able to speak in a normal way they go along
welcome aboard flight 350 shot imagine
welcome aboard flight 350 shot imagine this one in a butcher shop I would like
this one in a butcher shop I would like
this one in a butcher shop I would like to have three steaks two pieces of
to have three steaks two pieces of
to have three steaks two pieces of salami capping created or select
salami capping created or select
salami capping created or select disarmed and imagine pilots would not
disarmed and imagine pilots would not
disarmed and imagine pilots would not speak always that relaxing if they would
speak always that relaxing if they would
speak always that relaxing if they would go like this is not a pleasure you don’t
go like this is not a pleasure you don’t
go like this is not a pleasure you don’t want to hear that and so it’s everything
want to hear that and so it’s everything
want to hear that and so it’s everything that even people persons they might not
that even people persons they might not
that even people persons they might not have the talent to fly an egg imagine
have the talent to fly an egg imagine
have the talent to fly an egg imagine Roger Federer sitting in the cockpit
Roger Federer sitting in the cockpit
Roger Federer sitting in the cockpit hello ladies German this is one sir
hello ladies German this is one sir
hello ladies German this is one sir further from the cockpit I must tell you
further from the cockpit I must tell you
further from the cockpit I must tell you the only reason why I sit in this
the only reason why I sit in this
the only reason why I sit in this aircraft is in order to escape my wife
aircraft is in order to escape my wife
aircraft is in order to escape my wife in a car or if you have mr. Trump in the
in a car or if you have mr. Trump in the
in a car or if you have mr. Trump in the cockpit okay okay okay it’s good what
cockpit okay okay okay it’s good what
cockpit okay okay okay it’s good what sticks out to me is that if mr. Trump
sticks out to me is that if mr. Trump
sticks out to me is that if mr. Trump speaks apart from that he always makes
speaks apart from that he always makes
speaks apart from that he always makes the impression that he’s staring into
the impression that he’s staring into
the impression that he’s staring into some sort of a line okay I don’t see
some sort of a line okay I don’t see
some sort of a line okay I don’t see anything okay well he always uses his
anything okay well he always uses his
anything okay well he always uses his hands like that he can’t just talk like
hands like that he can’t just talk like
hands like that he can’t just talk like that he does action I think back in the
that he does action I think back in the
that he does action I think back in the days he used to work for a car wash
days he used to work for a car wash
days he used to work for a car wash okay next one okay that’s good okay
okay next one okay that’s good okay
okay next one okay that’s good okay other people tell me might just beat the
other people tell me might just beat the
other people tell me might just beat the way he met Melania okay oh my god when I
way he met Melania okay oh my god when I
way he met Melania okay oh my god when I tell you in the aircraft when I mean
tell you in the aircraft when I mean
tell you in the aircraft when I mean there is an announcement they say we
there is an announcement they say we
there is an announcement they say we have an emergency
have an emergency
have an emergency emergency is a doctor on board I asked
emergency is a doctor on board I asked
emergency is a doctor on board I asked oh my no I can’t right now its impact if
oh my no I can’t right now its impact if
oh my no I can’t right now its impact if I don’t handle the situation it’s
I don’t handle the situation it’s
I don’t handle the situation it’s extremely embarrassing on the other hand
extremely embarrassing on the other hand
extremely embarrassing on the other hand if I’m the only one I must so what do I
if I’m the only one I must so what do I
if I’m the only one I must so what do I do
do
do I raise my hand the flight attendant
I raise my hand the flight attendant
I raise my hand the flight attendant approaches me and tells me don’t you
approaches me and tells me don’t you
approaches me and tells me don’t you want to first finish your little drawing
want to first finish your little drawing
want to first finish your little drawing here
here
here thank you ladies and gentlemen thanks
thank you ladies and gentlemen thanks
thank you ladies and gentlemen thanks long
long
long [Applause]
”
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