I want to share a little bit about the topic of work-life balance and I wanted
topic of work-life balance and I wanted
topic of work-life balance and I wanted to start with a provocative
to start with a provocative
to start with a provocative I don’t believe in work-life balance and
but as you see on the screen I think
but as you see on the screen I think there might be a better way or a better
there might be a better way or a better
there might be a better way or a better question to ask then can I achieve
question to ask then can I achieve
question to ask then can I achieve work-life balance
work-life balance
work-life balance now I had a surprising experience
now I had a surprising experience
now I had a surprising experience recently working as a management
recently working as a management
recently working as a management consultant
consultant
consultant I was sent on a training course and as
I was sent on a training course and as
I was sent on a training course and as part of the preparations for the
part of the preparations for the
part of the preparations for the training course I had to invite a whole
training course I had to invite a whole
training course I had to invite a whole group of my colleagues to provide 360
group of my colleagues to provide 360
group of my colleagues to provide 360 degree feedback on what I’m good at
degree feedback on what I’m good at
degree feedback on what I’m good at and what are my areas for development
and what are my areas for development
and what are my areas for development and there was a great mix of both but
and there was a great mix of both but
and there was a great mix of both but one of the things that others my
one of the things that others my
one of the things that others my colleagues highlighted is an area of
colleagues highlighted is an area of
colleagues highlighted is an area of strength was they thought I had a good
strength was they thought I had a good
strength was they thought I had a good work-life balance and this was a
work-life balance and this was a
work-life balance and this was a surprise to me because that was not my
surprise to me because that was not my
surprise to me because that was not my experience so I have lots of different
experience so I have lots of different
experience so I have lots of different hats that I wear at work I serve clients
hats that I wear at work I serve clients
hats that I wear at work I serve clients I help them develop software better at
I help them develop software better at
I help them develop software better at scale in large complex environments I
scale in large complex environments I
scale in large complex environments I help develop the topic for my firm I
help develop the topic for my firm I
help develop the topic for my firm I also help develop and mentor colleagues
also help develop and mentor colleagues
also help develop and mentor colleagues I’m a married man I’ve been fortunate to
I’m a married man I’ve been fortunate to
I’m a married man I’ve been fortunate to be married to Rhoda for 28 years and
be married to Rhoda for 28 years and
be married to Rhoda for 28 years and we’ve known each other for 34 years I
we’ve known each other for 34 years I
we’ve known each other for 34 years I think it is we have four wonderful
think it is we have four wonderful
think it is we have four wonderful children you can see up here on the
children you can see up here on the
children you can see up here on the screen Ella and Isabelle are both off at
screen Ella and Isabelle are both off at
screen Ella and Isabelle are both off at University themselves Alice is about to
University themselves Alice is about to
University themselves Alice is about to go off to college next year
go off to college next year
go off to college next year and tobey’s 11 and they’re wonderful
and tobey’s 11 and they’re wonderful
and tobey’s 11 and they’re wonderful they’re also a real handful you know
they’re also a real handful you know
they’re also a real handful you know having four kids is a serious
having four kids is a serious
having four kids is a serious responsibility I’m also a person of
responsibility I’m also a person of
responsibility I’m also a person of faith and I’m very actively involved in
faith and I’m very actively involved in
faith and I’m very actively involved in the church group that picture on the
the church group that picture on the
the church group that picture on the bottom right you see there as me and a
bottom right you see there as me and a
bottom right you see there as me and a couple of other characters singing a
couple of other characters singing a
couple of other characters singing a very very silly song to the great
very very silly song to the great
very very silly song to the great embarrassment of my children at a teen
embarrassment of my children at a teen
embarrassment of my children at a teen summer camp that I take a week off work
summer camp that I take a week off work
summer camp that I take a week off work every year to help support and then I’m
every year to help support and then I’m
every year to help support and then I’m also a chairman of the board of a
also a chairman of the board of a
also a chairman of the board of a medium-sized charity and I sit on the
medium-sized charity and I sit on the
medium-sized charity and I sit on the board of a consortium of IT firms and
board of a consortium of IT firms and
board of a consortium of IT firms and people who want to get the most value
people who want to get the most value
people who want to get the most value out of IT and so there’s lots and lots
out of IT and so there’s lots and lots
out of IT and so there’s lots and lots going on in my life and I often feel
going on in my life and I often feel
going on in my life and I often feel like things aren’t
like things aren’t
like things aren’t completely in control even on the way
completely in control even on the way
completely in control even on the way here I was so eager to get off the plane
here I was so eager to get off the plane
here I was so eager to get off the plane that dev mentioned that I neglected to
that dev mentioned that I neglected to
that dev mentioned that I neglected to check that I had all of my possessions
check that I had all of my possessions
check that I had all of my possessions with me and I got through passport
with me and I got through passport
with me and I got through passport control and thought my bag is feeling a
control and thought my bag is feeling a
control and thought my bag is feeling a little bit light and lo and behold I
little bit light and lo and behold I
little bit light and lo and behold I realized that my laptop on which I take
realized that my laptop on which I take
realized that my laptop on which I take carefully taken my notes to prepare for
carefully taken my notes to prepare for
carefully taken my notes to prepare for this talk was where I’d left it
this talk was where I’d left it
this talk was where I’d left it underneath the seat in front of me now
underneath the seat in front of me now
underneath the seat in front of me now thankfully my laptop was retrieved and
thankfully my laptop was retrieved and
thankfully my laptop was retrieved and I’m looking forward to retrieving my
I’m looking forward to retrieving my
I’m looking forward to retrieving my precious when I get back to the airport
precious when I get back to the airport
precious when I get back to the airport in in an hour or twos time but it often
in in an hour or twos time but it often
in in an hour or twos time but it often feels to me like I’m spinning these
feels to me like I’m spinning these
feels to me like I’m spinning these different plates of work and family and
different plates of work and family and
different plates of work and family and church and you know other activities
church and you know other activities
church and you know other activities that I’m passionate about and I’m
that I’m passionate about and I’m
that I’m passionate about and I’m running around and it always feels like
running around and it always feels like
running around and it always feels like there’s at least one plate that is
there’s at least one plate that is
there’s at least one plate that is wobbling and is in danger of falling to
wobbling and is in danger of falling to
wobbling and is in danger of falling to the ground with a big crash and so I
the ground with a big crash and so I
the ground with a big crash and so I wondered why is it then that my
wondered why is it then that my
wondered why is it then that my colleagues seem to feel that I have a
colleagues seem to feel that I have a
colleagues seem to feel that I have a better sense of work-life balance than
better sense of work-life balance than
better sense of work-life balance than perhaps they experienced themselves and
perhaps they experienced themselves and
perhaps they experienced themselves and I don’t know that I have objectively the
I don’t know that I have objectively the
I don’t know that I have objectively the answer and I’m certainly not claiming
answer and I’m certainly not claiming
answer and I’m certainly not claiming that my life is all together but I would
that my life is all together but I would
that my life is all together but I would like to share with you three things that
like to share with you three things that
like to share with you three things that have helped me to answer a slightly
have helped me to answer a slightly
have helped me to answer a slightly different question
different question
different question so the first conviction I have is that I
so the first conviction I have is that I
so the first conviction I have is that I decided to pursue fulfilment rather than
decided to pursue fulfilment rather than
decided to pursue fulfilment rather than balance you know working in management
balance you know working in management
balance you know working in management consulting I started out as a consultant
consulting I started out as a consultant
consulting I started out as a consultant on our generalist career track in the
on our generalist career track in the
on our generalist career track in the firm that I work for and there’s an up
firm that I work for and there’s an up
firm that I work for and there’s an up or out expectation in other words every
or out expectation in other words every
or out expectation in other words every two or three years you either progress
two or three years you either progress
two or three years you either progress to the next level in the career track or
to the next level in the career track or
to the next level in the career track or you’re given the encouragement to find a
you’re given the encouragement to find a
you’re given the encouragement to find a new career outside of the firm and after
new career outside of the firm and after
new career outside of the firm and after having been a consultant and a project
having been a consultant and a project
having been a consultant and a project leader you know a year or two into that
leader you know a year or two into that
leader you know a year or two into that I was wrestling with would I make it to
I was wrestling with would I make it to
I was wrestling with would I make it to the next level to become a principal and
the next level to become a principal and
the next level to become a principal and I realized that I was getting a lot of
I realized that I was getting a lot of
I realized that I was getting a lot of for some of the areas for development
for some of the areas for development
for some of the areas for development that were not where they need to be and
that were not where they need to be and
that were not where they need to be and not much appreciation and reward and
not much appreciation and reward and
not much appreciation and reward and recognition for some of the deep most
recognition for some of the deep most
recognition for some of the deep most specialist technology skills that I
specialist technology skills that I
specialist technology skills that I brought with me to the firm and I spoke
brought with me to the firm and I spoke
brought with me to the firm and I spoke to my boss about it I spoke to my career
to my boss about it I spoke to my career
to my boss about it I spoke to my career advisor and they said look why don’t you
advisor and they said look why don’t you
advisor and they said look why don’t you take some time away from work to really
take some time away from work to really
take some time away from work to really reflect on what’s the right thing for
reflect on what’s the right thing for
reflect on what’s the right thing for you what like the next steps might be
you what like the next steps might be
you what like the next steps might be and so I took two months off work and at
and so I took two months off work and at
and so I took two months off work and at the end of it I came back and my career
the end of it I came back and my career
the end of it I came back and my career manager chuckle Ralph
manager chuckle Ralph
manager chuckle Ralph I said look and er I think you’d be
I said look and er I think you’d be
I said look and er I think you’d be better suited if you move sideways to
better suited if you move sideways to
better suited if you move sideways to what we called an expert career track
what we called an expert career track
what we called an expert career track and this is an area where you’ll get
and this is an area where you’ll get
and this is an area where you’ll get more recognition for the deep technical
more recognition for the deep technical
more recognition for the deep technical skills that you’ve brought to the firm
skills that you’ve brought to the firm
skills that you’ve brought to the firm and a little bit less grief for some of
and a little bit less grief for some of
and a little bit less grief for some of the spike enos of your skills profile
the spike enos of your skills profile
the spike enos of your skills profile that you’ve experienced so far and
that you’ve experienced so far and
that you’ve experienced so far and what’s more you’ll get 20% of your time
what’s more you’ll get 20% of your time
what’s more you’ll get 20% of your time away from billable client work in order
away from billable client work in order
away from billable client work in order to be able to speak at conferences and
to be able to speak at conferences and
to be able to speak at conferences and write white papers and do other things
write white papers and do other things
write white papers and do other things and I thought wow that’s actually when I
and I thought wow that’s actually when I
and I thought wow that’s actually when I look back at the two previous companies
look back at the two previous companies
look back at the two previous companies I’ve worked for those are the kinds of
I’ve worked for those are the kinds of
I’ve worked for those are the kinds of things that I’m really passionate about
things that I’m really passionate about
things that I’m really passionate about I really enjoy doing and so that’s what
I really enjoy doing and so that’s what
I really enjoy doing and so that’s what I decided to do and that’s worked out
I decided to do and that’s worked out
I decided to do and that’s worked out really really well for me as a project
really really well for me as a project
really really well for me as a project leader principal Associate Director and
leader principal Associate Director and
leader principal Associate Director and now director in the firm the other thing
now director in the firm the other thing
now director in the firm the other thing I learned out of this experience was I
I learned out of this experience was I
I learned out of this experience was I came back from the two months away and I
came back from the two months away and I
came back from the two months away and I thought surely the world will have come
thought surely the world will have come
thought surely the world will have come to a stop without my direct engagement
to a stop without my direct engagement
to a stop without my direct engagement in the workforce and to my dismay
in the workforce and to my dismay
in the workforce and to my dismay everything had continued completely as
everything had continued completely as
everything had continued completely as it was before in fact quite a lot of my
it was before in fact quite a lot of my
it was before in fact quite a lot of my colleagues didn’t even realize that I’ve
colleagues didn’t even realize that I’ve
colleagues didn’t even realize that I’ve been away for two months they thought I
been away for two months they thought I
been away for two months they thought I always been staffed on a project in
always been staffed on a project in
always been staffed on a project in Uzbekistan or somewhere far away and
Uzbekistan or somewhere far away and
Uzbekistan or somewhere far away and that was a real eye-opener for me you
that was a real eye-opener for me you
that was a real eye-opener for me you know initially I was a little bit
know initially I was a little bit
know initially I was a little bit disappointed if I’m honest that I wasn’t
disappointed if I’m honest that I wasn’t
disappointed if I’m honest that I wasn’t more you know irreplaceable to my
more you know irreplaceable to my
more you know irreplaceable to my colleagues into my clients but then I
colleagues into my clients but then I
colleagues into my clients but then I realized actually if it’s possible to
realized actually if it’s possible to
realized actually if it’s possible to disappear for two
disappear for two
disappear for two months at a time with it between
months at a time with it between
months at a time with it between projects in consulting at least that’s
projects in consulting at least that’s
projects in consulting at least that’s something I could perhaps do more often
something I could perhaps do more often
something I could perhaps do more often in order to pursue some of the other
in order to pursue some of the other
in order to pursue some of the other things that I’m at least as passionate
things that I’m at least as passionate
things that I’m at least as passionate about as going to work every day and so
about as going to work every day and so
about as going to work every day and so a couple of years later I took my whole
a couple of years later I took my whole
a couple of years later I took my whole family away to India and in addition to
family away to India and in addition to
family away to India and in addition to doing the usual touristy things like
doing the usual touristy things like
doing the usual touristy things like going to the Taj Mahal I also did some
going to the Taj Mahal I also did some
going to the Taj Mahal I also did some work with an amazing charity called Hope
work with an amazing charity called Hope
work with an amazing charity called Hope worldwide that was doing great things
worldwide that was doing great things
worldwide that was doing great things with orphans with leprosy patients with
with orphans with leprosy patients with
with orphans with leprosy patients with underprivileged kids and their education
underprivileged kids and their education
underprivileged kids and their education with immunization with maternal health
with immunization with maternal health
with immunization with maternal health and my wife myself and our kids were all
and my wife myself and our kids were all
and my wife myself and our kids were all able to find a way that we could do
able to find a way that we could do
able to find a way that we could do something meaningful even in our short
something meaningful even in our short
something meaningful even in our short trip and it was such a wonderful
trip and it was such a wonderful
trip and it was such a wonderful experience for us that we’ve since been
experience for us that we’ve since been
experience for us that we’ve since been back to Nepal and we’ve helped with
back to Nepal and we’ve helped with
back to Nepal and we’ve helped with earthquake relief there we’ve also got
earthquake relief there we’ve also got
earthquake relief there we’ve also got involved with the same charity in their
involved with the same charity in their
involved with the same charity in their work they do here in London with
work they do here in London with
work they do here in London with homelessness and with drug rehab drug
homelessness and with drug rehab drug
homelessness and with drug rehab drug use a real rehabilitation and recovery
use a real rehabilitation and recovery
use a real rehabilitation and recovery and I’ve realised hey that’s you know
and I’ve realised hey that’s you know
and I’ve realised hey that’s you know it’s only a small part of what I spend
it’s only a small part of what I spend
it’s only a small part of what I spend my time doing but it’s something that
my time doing but it’s something that
my time doing but it’s something that that instills passion in me and that
that instills passion in me and that
that instills passion in me and that makes me more and more excited you know
makes me more and more excited you know
makes me more and more excited you know last year I again took a month off work
last year I again took a month off work
last year I again took a month off work and went
and went
and went mountain climbing with my daughter
mountain climbing with my daughter
mountain climbing with my daughter Isabel you know she’s off at university
Isabel you know she’s off at university
Isabel you know she’s off at university and I realized hey we don’t have as many
and I realized hey we don’t have as many
and I realized hey we don’t have as many opportunities to spend time together as
opportunities to spend time together as
opportunities to spend time together as we used to when she lived at home I want
we used to when she lived at home I want
we used to when she lived at home I want to make sure I create special
to make sure I create special
to make sure I create special opportunities to connect together with
opportunities to connect together with
opportunities to connect together with her and with my other kids at this
her and with my other kids at this
her and with my other kids at this precious stage in their lives and you
precious stage in their lives and you
precious stage in their lives and you know each of these helped remind me of
know each of these helped remind me of
know each of these helped remind me of what I’m passionate about what I find
what I’m passionate about what I find
what I’m passionate about what I find most fulfilled and so my life is
most fulfilled and so my life is
most fulfilled and so my life is definitely not balanced by any sane
definitely not balanced by any sane
definitely not balanced by any sane person’s description but I’d like to
person’s description but I’d like to
person’s description but I’d like to think that it’s fulfilled the second
think that it’s fulfilled the second
think that it’s fulfilled the second lesson that I discovered was realizing
lesson that I discovered was realizing
lesson that I discovered was realizing that I had to say no more often you know
that I had to say no more often you know
that I had to say no more often you know you’ve probably realized by now that I’m
you’ve probably realized by now that I’m
you’ve probably realized by now that I’m not someone who finds it easy to say no
not someone who finds it easy to say no
not someone who finds it easy to say no to things I love to say yes let’s go for
to things I love to say yes let’s go for
to things I love to say yes let’s go for this adventure yes let’s try this new
this adventure yes let’s try this new
this adventure yes let’s try this new project I’ll develop this new topic and
project I’ll develop this new topic and
project I’ll develop this new topic and I had a conversation about
I had a conversation about
I had a conversation about ten years ago that flipped my thinking
ten years ago that flipped my thinking
ten years ago that flipped my thinking on this subject
on this subject
on this subject it’s a fellow called friend of mine
it’s a fellow called friend of mine
it’s a fellow called friend of mine called John Oakes who is a science
called John Oakes who is a science
called John Oakes who is a science lecturer at University in San Diego and
lecturer at University in San Diego and
lecturer at University in San Diego and he’s very passionate about the idea that
he’s very passionate about the idea that
he’s very passionate about the idea that faith and science actually complement
faith and science actually complement
faith and science actually complement each other rather than being opposites
each other rather than being opposites
each other rather than being opposites that are in conflict with each other and
that are in conflict with each other and
that are in conflict with each other and he takes several weeks I think it is
he takes several weeks I think it is
he takes several weeks I think it is every year to travel around the world
every year to travel around the world
every year to travel around the world and speak at different conferences and
and speak at different conferences and
and speak at different conferences and churches and different debates to share
churches and different debates to share
churches and different debates to share his convictions on this subject and I’ve
his convictions on this subject and I’ve
his convictions on this subject and I’ve been to one of his talks and I was
been to one of his talks and I was
been to one of his talks and I was sitting down having lunch with him
sitting down having lunch with him
sitting down having lunch with him afterwards and I said John I found what
afterwards and I said John I found what
afterwards and I said John I found what you do so inspiring it’s a topic that’s
you do so inspiring it’s a topic that’s
you do so inspiring it’s a topic that’s close to my heart I’d like to do some of
close to my heart I’d like to do some of
close to my heart I’d like to do some of what you do and my kids at that stage
what you do and my kids at that stage
what you do and my kids at that stage were sort of between the ages of about
were sort of between the ages of about
were sort of between the ages of about one and twelve and he said to me Andrew
one and twelve and he said to me Andrew
one and twelve and he said to me Andrew you know you’re about the next 10 years
you know you’re about the next 10 years
you know you’re about the next 10 years of your life are going to be the busiest
of your life are going to be the busiest
of your life are going to be the busiest time of your entire life now may not be
time of your entire life now may not be
time of your entire life now may not be the best time to suddenly embark on a
the best time to suddenly embark on a
the best time to suddenly embark on a major new time commitment and I was
major new time commitment and I was
major new time commitment and I was initially just disappointed you know I
initially just disappointed you know I
initially just disappointed you know I had this idea I was excited about I
had this idea I was excited about I
had this idea I was excited about I really wanted to pursue it and he just
really wanted to pursue it and he just
really wanted to pursue it and he just poured cold water over it but the more I
poured cold water over it but the more I
poured cold water over it but the more I thought about it the more I realized
thought about it the more I realized
thought about it the more I realized that he actually made sense and I needed
that he actually made sense and I needed
that he actually made sense and I needed to focus on just doing a great job of
to focus on just doing a great job of
to focus on just doing a great job of being a husband being a dad you know
being a husband being a dad you know
being a husband being a dad you know being a management consultant you know
being a management consultant you know
being a management consultant you know being a great you know participant in
being a great you know participant in
being a great you know participant in the church community that I’m part of
the church community that I’m part of
the church community that I’m part of you know those are the four things I
you know those are the four things I
you know those are the four things I said I’m really passionate about and if
said I’m really passionate about and if
said I’m really passionate about and if I do a great job with those I’m gonna
I do a great job with those I’m gonna
I do a great job with those I’m gonna feel excited about that if I go chasing
feel excited about that if I go chasing
feel excited about that if I go chasing after rainbows chasing chasing after the
after rainbows chasing chasing after the
after rainbows chasing chasing after the next shiny thing then I might not you
next shiny thing then I might not you
next shiny thing then I might not you know I might regret the compromises I’m
know I might regret the compromises I’m
know I might regret the compromises I’m making with the things I’m most
making with the things I’m most
making with the things I’m most passionate about and so realizing that I
passionate about and so realizing that I
passionate about and so realizing that I had to say know a little bit more often
had to say know a little bit more often
had to say know a little bit more often maybe a lot more often then I previously
maybe a lot more often then I previously
maybe a lot more often then I previously had was an eye-opening moment for me and
had was an eye-opening moment for me and
had was an eye-opening moment for me and it certainly helped me over the last 10
it certainly helped me over the last 10
it certainly helped me over the last 10 years to to do better at the things that
years to to do better at the things that
years to to do better at the things that I am most passionate about
and finally keep calm and drink coffee
and finally keep calm and drink coffee you know my life wouldn’t at all be
you know my life wouldn’t at all be
you know my life wouldn’t at all be possible you know the fulfilled
possible you know the fulfilled
possible you know the fulfilled passionate busy slightly crazy life that
passionate busy slightly crazy life that
passionate busy slightly crazy life that I live
I live
I live wouldn’t it all be passionate be
wouldn’t it all be passionate be
wouldn’t it all be passionate be possible without the incredible
possible without the incredible
possible without the incredible partnership and support I have with my
partnership and support I have with my
partnership and support I have with my wife Rhoda and one of the key strengths
wife Rhoda and one of the key strengths
wife Rhoda and one of the key strengths I think we have in knowing each other
I think we have in knowing each other
I think we have in knowing each other for 34 years and been married for 28 is
for 34 years and been married for 28 is
for 34 years and been married for 28 is that we have a lot of the same values
that we have a lot of the same values
that we have a lot of the same values the same priorities the same commitment
the same priorities the same commitment
the same priorities the same commitment and through our journey of life together
and through our journey of life together
and through our journey of life together having children and her being a teacher
having children and her being a teacher
having children and her being a teacher and then child minder and now counselor
and then child minder and now counselor
and then child minder and now counselor that’s been a great rocking of strength
that’s been a great rocking of strength
that’s been a great rocking of strength to us and yet very often when the plates
to us and yet very often when the plates
to us and yet very often when the plates were starting to wobble and maybe one or
were starting to wobble and maybe one or
were starting to wobble and maybe one or two of them fell we’d find we had
two of them fell we’d find we had
two of them fell we’d find we had conflict because she was expecting me to
conflict because she was expecting me to
conflict because she was expecting me to anticipate these challenges a little bit
anticipate these challenges a little bit
anticipate these challenges a little bit earlier and she’s generally a lot more
earlier and she’s generally a lot more
earlier and she’s generally a lot more perceptive than me about when things are
perceptive than me about when things are
perceptive than me about when things are starting to go off the rails and she
starting to go off the rails and she
starting to go off the rails and she says to me that she’d like me to listen
says to me that she’d like me to listen
says to me that she’d like me to listen to her a little bit more often in order
to her a little bit more often in order
to her a little bit more often in order to identify these issues at least I
to identify these issues at least I
to identify these issues at least I think that’s what she said and and yet I
think that’s what she said and and yet I
think that’s what she said and and yet I find that often in the hustle and bustle
find that often in the hustle and bustle
find that often in the hustle and bustle of life even though we spent time
of life even though we spent time
of life even though we spent time talking together we wouldn’t make the
talking together we wouldn’t make the
talking together we wouldn’t make the time and space to step back and reflect
time and space to step back and reflect
time and space to step back and reflect and we discovered one Saturday morning
and we discovered one Saturday morning
and we discovered one Saturday morning as we went out to a favorite coffee
as we went out to a favorite coffee
as we went out to a favorite coffee place there was something magical about
place there was something magical about
place there was something magical about going out for coffee
going out for coffee
going out for coffee not necessarily the coffee beans
not necessarily the coffee beans
not necessarily the coffee beans themselves although I do like my grande
themselves although I do like my grande
themselves although I do like my grande skinny wet latte but but just a very act
skinny wet latte but but just a very act
skinny wet latte but but just a very act of getting out of the house getting away
of getting out of the house getting away
of getting out of the house getting away from the hustle and bustle of kids and
from the hustle and bustle of kids and
from the hustle and bustle of kids and laundry and emails and notifications and
laundry and emails and notifications and
laundry and emails and notifications and all of the pressures that seem to be
all of the pressures that seem to be
all of the pressures that seem to be around made a quiet space where we could
around made a quiet space where we could
around made a quiet space where we could step back from the here and now and
step back from the here and now and
step back from the here and now and think okay how is our marriage you know
think okay how is our marriage you know
think okay how is our marriage you know how we doing how we communicating how
how we doing how we communicating how
how we doing how we communicating how are our expectations and plans going you
are our expectations and plans going you
are our expectations and plans going you know how is Ella or Isabelle or Alice or
know how is Ella or Isabelle or Alice or
know how is Ella or Isabelle or Alice or Toby you know what do they need from a
Toby you know what do they need from a
Toby you know what do they need from a to have the conversations where she said
to have the conversations where she said
to have the conversations where she said to me okay Toby’s now six or seven you
to me okay Toby’s now six or seven you
to me okay Toby’s now six or seven you know he needs more time for his dad you
know he needs more time for his dad you
know he needs more time for his dad you know we need to make a structural change
know we need to make a structural change
know we need to make a structural change or we’ve been at each other’s throats a
or we’ve been at each other’s throats a
or we’ve been at each other’s throats a little bit for the last two or three
little bit for the last two or three
little bit for the last two or three weeks and we talked about is this just a
weeks and we talked about is this just a
weeks and we talked about is this just a short-term thing or is this a structural
short-term thing or is this a structural
short-term thing or is this a structural thing you know sometimes it’s just a
thing you know sometimes it’s just a
thing you know sometimes it’s just a busy project or two projects at the same
busy project or two projects at the same
busy project or two projects at the same time or as a small transitional thing
time or as a small transitional thing
time or as a small transitional thing where our schedules changed and we say
where our schedules changed and we say
where our schedules changed and we say okay this is just for a short period of
okay this is just for a short period of
okay this is just for a short period of time and as long as we know it’s just
time and as long as we know it’s just
time and as long as we know it’s just two weeks or just four weeks we can say
two weeks or just four weeks we can say
two weeks or just four weeks we can say okay we’ll hold each other’s arms up
okay we’ll hold each other’s arms up
okay we’ll hold each other’s arms up we’ll support each other and it’s going
we’ll support each other and it’s going
we’ll support each other and it’s going to be fine other times we realize
to be fine other times we realize
to be fine other times we realize actually this is a structural change in
actually this is a structural change in
actually this is a structural change in our lives you know our kid has moved on
our lives you know our kid has moved on
our lives you know our kid has moved on to a next stage of college or my role
to a next stage of college or my role
to a next stage of college or my role has changed at work or she’s gone back
has changed at work or she’s gone back
has changed at work or she’s gone back to college to study counseling and
to college to study counseling and
to college to study counseling and things are going to be different around
things are going to be different around
things are going to be different around here we need to make a structural change
here we need to make a structural change
here we need to make a structural change and we found us getting outside of our
and we found us getting outside of our
and we found us getting outside of our daily routine going out for a cup of
daily routine going out for a cup of
daily routine going out for a cup of coffee and has made room for those
coffee and has made room for those
coffee and has made room for those conversations and has enabled us to
conversations and has enabled us to
conversations and has enabled us to listen to each other and certainly for
listen to each other and certainly for
listen to each other and certainly for me to be a better listener to my wife
me to be a better listener to my wife
me to be a better listener to my wife than I previously had been and that’s
than I previously had been and that’s
than I previously had been and that’s made an enormous difference and I
made an enormous difference and I
made an enormous difference and I wouldn’t say that we’ve achieved balance
wouldn’t say that we’ve achieved balance
wouldn’t say that we’ve achieved balance because it always feels like you know
because it always feels like you know
because it always feels like you know the plates are wobbling a little bit but
the plates are wobbling a little bit but
the plates are wobbling a little bit but it allows us to spot the wobbles a
it allows us to spot the wobbles a
it allows us to spot the wobbles a little bit earlier and to intervene and
little bit earlier and to intervene and
little bit earlier and to intervene and at least to choose which plates we mind
at least to choose which plates we mind
at least to choose which plates we mind less falling to the ground and to choose
less falling to the ground and to choose
less falling to the ground and to choose to invest in and to support and to keep
to invest in and to support and to keep
to invest in and to support and to keep spinning you know the four or five
spinning you know the four or five
spinning you know the four or five plates that we feel most passionate
plates that we feel most passionate
plates that we feel most passionate about and that we find most fulfilling
about and that we find most fulfilling
about and that we find most fulfilling so in wrapping up the day talking about
so in wrapping up the day talking about
so in wrapping up the day talking about the future of us you know making a your
the future of us you know making a your
the future of us you know making a your life sustainable is certainly important
life sustainable is certainly important
life sustainable is certainly important but I would encourage you to think less
but I would encourage you to think less
but I would encourage you to think less about a mythical ideal of work-life
about a mythical ideal of work-life
about a mythical ideal of work-life balance or student life balance and
balance or student life balance and
balance or student life balance and instead to pursue a passion to identify
instead to pursue a passion to identify
instead to pursue a passion to identify what your 3 or 4 deepest passions are
what your 3 or 4 deepest passions are
what your 3 or 4 deepest passions are and to
and to
and to really invest and double down in those
really invest and double down in those
really invest and double down in those to go after them to say no to other
to go after them to say no to other
to go after them to say no to other things that might distract you from them
things that might distract you from them
things that might distract you from them and to take a little bit of time out of
and to take a little bit of time out of
and to take a little bit of time out of your day with the people closest to you
your day with the people closest to you
your day with the people closest to you to step back from the hustle and bustle
to step back from the hustle and bustle
to step back from the hustle and bustle and to redirect yourself to keep
and to redirect yourself to keep
and to redirect yourself to keep spinning those most important most
spinning those most important most
spinning those most important most passionate plates in order to find a
passionate plates in order to find a
passionate plates in order to find a great future for yourself and for us all
great future for yourself and for us all
great future for yourself and for us all thank you very much
thank you very much
thank you very much [Applause]
”
Be First to Comment