rushing the stage and chanting my name complication
complication
complication red roses land at my feet as I
red roses land at my feet as I
red roses land at my feet as I graciously bow to my patient audience
graciously bow to my patient audience
graciously bow to my patient audience this is a fault I have struggled with
this is a fault I have struggled with
this is a fault I have struggled with since I was in preschool a constant need
since I was in preschool a constant need
since I was in preschool a constant need for validation when I was in when I was
for validation when I was in when I was
for validation when I was in when I was four years old I tasted the oh so sweet
four years old I tasted the oh so sweet
four years old I tasted the oh so sweet glory of receiving a shiny gold star
glory of receiving a shiny gold star
glory of receiving a shiny gold star next to my name we all want to be
next to my name we all want to be
next to my name we all want to be recognized for our accomplishments some
recognized for our accomplishments some
recognized for our accomplishments some more than others
more than others
more than others and that is fair but when we no longer
and that is fair but when we no longer
and that is fair but when we no longer have someone to validate us we may find
have someone to validate us we may find
have someone to validate us we may find ourselves debilitated by a lack of
ourselves debilitated by a lack of
ourselves debilitated by a lack of confidence in our abilities any teacher
confidence in our abilities any teacher
confidence in our abilities any teacher or other figure of authority in my life
or other figure of authority in my life
or other figure of authority in my life can tell you that I constantly seek
can tell you that I constantly seek
can tell you that I constantly seek approval in their eyes I am the first
approval in their eyes I am the first
approval in their eyes I am the first and usually the only student in the
and usually the only student in the
and usually the only student in the class to enthusiastically raise my hand
class to enthusiastically raise my hand
class to enthusiastically raise my hand to volunteer to read the passage just so
to volunteer to read the passage just so
to volunteer to read the passage just so I can hear the teacher nonchalantly
I can hear the teacher nonchalantly
I can hear the teacher nonchalantly utter those two little words that I
utter those two little words that I
utter those two little words that I crave so much good job I am also the
crave so much good job I am also the
crave so much good job I am also the student that invested Lea persists my
student that invested Lea persists my
student that invested Lea persists my teacher to finish grading the test
teacher to finish grading the test
teacher to finish grading the test because I need instant gratification I
these behaviors have earned me the title
these behaviors have earned me the title of teacher’s pet and busybody but let me
of teacher’s pet and busybody but let me
of teacher’s pet and busybody but let me tell you I take pride in these so-called
tell you I take pride in these so-called
tell you I take pride in these so-called insults I have no shame in my obsequious
insults I have no shame in my obsequious
insults I have no shame in my obsequious tendencies these idiosyncrasies it’s
tendencies these idiosyncrasies it’s
tendencies these idiosyncrasies it’s slightly annoying are not particularly
slightly annoying are not particularly
slightly annoying are not particularly detrimental to my academic progress but
detrimental to my academic progress but
detrimental to my academic progress but it is the motivation behind these
it is the motivation behind these
it is the motivation behind these actions that prohibit me from advancing
actions that prohibit me from advancing
actions that prohibit me from advancing beyond my horizons it is November of
beyond my horizons it is November of
beyond my horizons it is November of 2016 my senior year and I am submitting
2016 my senior year and I am submitting
2016 my senior year and I am submitting my
my
my applications for university totally
applications for university totally
applications for university totally confident that I will be accepted to all
confident that I will be accepted to all
confident that I will be accepted to all of my top choices yes even my dream
of my top choices yes even my dream
of my top choices yes even my dream school
school
school the highly esteemed UCLA I don’t mean to
the highly esteemed UCLA I don’t mean to
the highly esteemed UCLA I don’t mean to brag but my application is as close to
brag but my application is as close to
brag but my application is as close to perfect as I can make it my essays are
perfect as I can make it my essays are
perfect as I can make it my essays are well written and eloquent my GPA is
well written and eloquent my GPA is
well written and eloquent my GPA is impressive and my test scores are highly
impressive and my test scores are highly
impressive and my test scores are highly competitive from my perspective I’m a
competitive from my perspective I’m a
competitive from my perspective I’m a shoo-in it didn’t appear that the UCLA
shoo-in it didn’t appear that the UCLA
shoo-in it didn’t appear that the UCLA offices of Admissions also I’m sitting
offices of Admissions also I’m sitting
offices of Admissions also I’m sitting at my desk refreshing my browser every
at my desk refreshing my browser every
at my desk refreshing my browser every 30 seconds and my palms are sweating my
30 seconds and my palms are sweating my
30 seconds and my palms are sweating my hands are shaking and I am opening the
hands are shaking and I am opening the
hands are shaking and I am opening the link and at that moment my heart sinks
link and at that moment my heart sinks
link and at that moment my heart sinks we regret to inform you that we are not
we regret to inform you that we are not
we regret to inform you that we are not able to offer you admission for the fall
able to offer you admission for the fall
able to offer you admission for the fall quarter of 2013 17 I cannot comprehend
quarter of 2013 17 I cannot comprehend
quarter of 2013 17 I cannot comprehend my failure after years of being fed
my failure after years of being fed
my failure after years of being fed gratification I am disappointed in
gratification I am disappointed in
gratification I am disappointed in myself I retreat to my room where I cry
myself I retreat to my room where I cry
myself I retreat to my room where I cry over my lost dream and the future I
over my lost dream and the future I
over my lost dream and the future I never had I think to myself what did I
never had I think to myself what did I
never had I think to myself what did I do wrong
do wrong
do wrong what could I have done differently what
what could I have done differently what
what could I have done differently what do they have that I don’t and I lose all
do they have that I don’t and I lose all
do they have that I don’t and I lose all confidence in myself in the following
confidence in myself in the following
confidence in myself in the following days I managed to half heartedly tape
days I managed to half heartedly tape
days I managed to half heartedly tape together the broken pieces of my ego and
together the broken pieces of my ego and
together the broken pieces of my ego and I decide to visit my guidance counselor
I decide to visit my guidance counselor
I decide to visit my guidance counselor in the hopes that maybe he can offer
in the hopes that maybe he can offer
in the hopes that maybe he can offer some sense of direction after my dear
some sense of direction after my dear
some sense of direction after my dear ailing and train wreck I sit in his
ailing and train wreck I sit in his
ailing and train wreck I sit in his office and start my distressed rambling
office and start my distressed rambling
office and start my distressed rambling about how I have
about how I have
about how I have completely ruined my life I won’t be
completely ruined my life I won’t be
completely ruined my life I won’t be able to find a stable career I’ll live
able to find a stable career I’ll live
able to find a stable career I’ll live with my parents forever and I will die
with my parents forever and I will die
with my parents forever and I will die as an uneducated spinster he patiently
as an uneducated spinster he patiently
as an uneducated spinster he patiently nods his head and listens to my
nods his head and listens to my
nods his head and listens to my melodramatic teenage monologue then
melodramatic teenage monologue then
melodramatic teenage monologue then calmly looks at me and says you’re not
calmly looks at me and says you’re not
calmly looks at me and says you’re not perfect I know you hate to hear it but
perfect I know you hate to hear it but
perfect I know you hate to hear it but you’re not these words that in the pit
you’re not these words that in the pit
you’re not these words that in the pit of my stomach and make me feel sick as
of my stomach and make me feel sick as
of my stomach and make me feel sick as my eyes start watering it is the last
my eyes start watering it is the last
my eyes start watering it is the last thing I want to hear but the most
thing I want to hear but the most
thing I want to hear but the most important because I let my identity be
important because I let my identity be
important because I let my identity be dictated by others opinions I cannot
dictated by others opinions I cannot
dictated by others opinions I cannot allow myself to be anything less than
allow myself to be anything less than
allow myself to be anything less than perfect
this is the reason why I am ashamed of
this is the reason why I am ashamed of myself for not being accepted to my
myself for not being accepted to my
myself for not being accepted to my dream school the dream school that is
dream school the dream school that is
dream school the dream school that is expected of a perfect person it has been
expected of a perfect person it has been
expected of a perfect person it has been a few weeks since the ordeal
a few weeks since the ordeal
a few weeks since the ordeal I’m not crying anymore I still feel the
I’m not crying anymore I still feel the
I’m not crying anymore I still feel the pain I am happy to tell you all that I
pain I am happy to tell you all that I
pain I am happy to tell you all that I feel I have grown since the experience I
feel I have grown since the experience I
feel I have grown since the experience I cannot stand here and tell you that I am
cannot stand here and tell you that I am
cannot stand here and tell you that I am not disappointed in myself and that I
not disappointed in myself and that I
not disappointed in myself and that I don’t think about what my future could
don’t think about what my future could
don’t think about what my future could have been if I was accepted but I have
have been if I was accepted but I have
have been if I was accepted but I have learned that this decision does not
learned that this decision does not
learned that this decision does not invalidate my accomplishments despite
invalidate my accomplishments despite
invalidate my accomplishments despite this decision I am still worthy I leave
this decision I am still worthy I leave
this decision I am still worthy I leave you all with this piece of advice
you all with this piece of advice
you all with this piece of advice silence the need for validation by no
silence the need for validation by no
silence the need for validation by no longer relying on other sources to tell
longer relying on other sources to tell
longer relying on other sources to tell you that you are worthy accept your
you that you are worthy accept your
you that you are worthy accept your failures feel the pain and maybe shed a
failures feel the pain and maybe shed a
failures feel the pain and maybe shed a few tears but do not let it debilitate
few tears but do not let it debilitate
few tears but do not let it debilitate you and finally
you and finally
you and finally brush yourself off and move forward with
brush yourself off and move forward with
brush yourself off and move forward with your head held high
your head held high
your head held high because you are worthy thank you
because you are worthy thank you
because you are worthy thank you [Music]
[Music]
[Music] [Applause]
”
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