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How wrong notes teach us to love | Marc Vella | TEDxMonteCarlo


Translator: Marieke van den Wall Bake Reviewer: Ellenie Ngoc

(music)

(applause)

I was an unwanted child.

I grew up with a total lack of love.

Each day I heard in my house:

“Why are you here?” “You are ugly, stupid”.

I often thought that I was a “wrong note”.

For me, school greatly contributed to this belief.

Very often, at school,

when our inadequaties are penalised,

we don’t consider ourselves with kindness.

We judge ourselves with disdain.

School, through comparison, has taught us to mislove ourselves.

Competition is not a healthy way of stimulating us

It is war in disguise.

How many of us, believing they are inadequate,

feel guilty

and have a poor consideration of themselves?

How many have been destroyed

by their quest for perfection?

As for those who are still standing up

they spend their lives trying to prove

that they have little value.

No wonder that there is such anger around us!

Anger, not hunger

(laughing)

What is my worth?

Do I count?

Am I important?

School should give us the answer

to these questions.

Education should help us build in the heart of every child

the sweet certainty that he is a worthy person

and that the other’s value is priceless.

I remain convinced that the best way to build peace

and to overcome poverty

is to teach everyone that they are worthy:

Worthy to themselves and worthy to others.

This worthiness gives us no power,

it just reveals our capacity to put our strength

to the service of humanity.

As for myself,

I decided to create the “Caravan of Love”

in order to spread peace.

We travel the world to meet its populations

and declare our friendship,

share our music, share hugs

and film these encounters.

This may seem absurd to you

but it is no less absurd

than to invade them with tanks and guns.

The next trip will be in Tibet

If you want to come, bienvenue!

(music)

(applause)

We should be amazed and marvel at whom we are.

What an incredible adventure!

We should strive to show the beauty of mankind

because the only way to make humanity grow up

is to entice it to love itself.

(applause)

Sometimes,

certain people idealize those who have an exceptional life.

Such an attitude can prove to be dangerous

as it nourishes the cult of perfection.

In my case, there is nothing to idealize.

I’ve had my share of silly, unconscious behavior.

During that period of my youth

I hurt several people with my way of life.

Even after having been forgiven,

I nevertheless carry deep within myself

an acute suffering due to my lack of discernment.

To forgive oneself is extremely difficult.

For sure, at this time,

I was so afraid that life might leave me behind.

One of the biggest clues which helped me to find peace,

is when I realized that to understand

the messages of the wrong notes of life

I had to accept them with affection.

Yes, it is important to be thankful

as soon as we are ready, and the sooner the better.

Gratitude gives us freedom

and enables wrong notes to intensify the melody of our life.

This is, in fact, what the greatest composers teach us.

Their music tells us how our history

is composed of joy and agony.

Can you imagine a masterpiece of Mozart

that ends at the first dissonance?

The composer would then write a double bar

and mention underneath “cry and sulk”.

It would make no sense.

How beautiful it is to hear the musician

gradually bring the wrong note to a harmonic resolution.

This is the real expression of being a genious.

This is a key of life.

For sure, the adventure of life,

is all about magnifying the wrong notes.

Here lies the real purpose of life:

Wrong notes teach us love.

(applause)

(Musical improvisation)

(applause)

How many people

have never really fullfilled their dreams?

How many people were buried with their hidden desires?

There is nothing surprising to see on a tomb:

“Eternal regrets”

In time, bodies become dust

but the sense of frustration survives through their families.

Life sends us wrong notes, inevitably.

They are part of the game.

You can see now that the task is not to complain and condemn them,

but to transform these wrong notes into a symphony of life.

Therefore, without fear,

welcome and dare every single note of your life

you will then embrace silence.

If you are a couple,

it is important to share these wrong notes

and to magnify them in complicity.

What an exciting adventure it is to live their vibrance

in full consciousness.

So, whatever happens –

Love.

Such a state of being heals and amplifies.

The wish I have for all of us

is to have on our graves this epytath:

“Whatever happened, he or she loved”.

Do not be ashamed of yourself,

despite your flaws and failures.

Stop feeling guilty,

this goes against your evolution.

Do not deny your nature

honour it and offer it to the world, simply.

Why do you strive to highlight your difference?

You are different anyway.

Better to build bridges towards yourself and towards others,

and constantly create links,

links that will set you free.

Do not seek perfection to be more

prefer seeking gentleness in order not to spoil anything

starting with yourself.

Gentleness induces excellence.

Put your heart in everything you do without expectation.

Any act if committed with your full presence,

is sufficient as it is.

Do you realise that your life

is unique in the whole history of this universe?

Isn’t that incredible?

To conclude

embrace who you are

because you won’t last forever.

You are rare, therefore infinitely precious.

The same goes for others,

which explains why every being should be fully considered.

As long as you are not conscious of this,

your mistreatment of yourself

and of humanity will continue.

Finally,

you see that to be clumsy and inadequate

is not a fault.

it is our nature.

More than being our nature,

it is an opportunity.

Being imperfect, is a gift.

I hope now you can say:

“I am imperfect and it is wonderful”

Welcome you, transform you.

This is the great adventure of life.

Your adventure. The only one.

Do you want to know what perfection is?

Perfection is imperfection who loves itself

and surrenders.

Thank you for listening.

(applause)

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