I was born and raised in California yet I got in a very and very old-fashioned
I got in a very and very old-fashioned
I got in a very and very old-fashioned Mexican healthful and very religious
Mexican healthful and very religious
Mexican healthful and very religious because both of my parents come from
because both of my parents come from
because both of my parents come from Mexico and part of what that meant for
Mexico and part of what that meant for
Mexico and part of what that meant for me growing up was that the word sex was
me growing up was that the word sex was
me growing up was that the word sex was never mentioned it was never talked
never mentioned it was never talked
never mentioned it was never talked about it was literally as if the concept
about it was literally as if the concept
about it was literally as if the concept of sex did not exist until of course I
of sex did not exist until of course I
of sex did not exist until of course I remember when I was 16 years old they
remember when I was 16 years old they
remember when I was 16 years old they talked to me and they said you don’t do
talked to me and they said you don’t do
talked to me and they said you don’t do that thing to make babies until you get
that thing to make babies until you get
that thing to make babies until you get married and that was pretty much the
married and that was pretty much the
married and that was pretty much the flip side of that I was exposed to
flip side of that I was exposed to
flip side of that I was exposed to watching Mexican telenovelas meaning
watching Mexican telenovelas meaning
watching Mexican telenovelas meaning progress and Mexican telenovela our
progress and Mexican telenovela our
progress and Mexican telenovela our dream was a passion of sex a lot of
dream was a passion of sex a lot of
dream was a passion of sex a lot of knowledge on that and I remember
knowledge on that and I remember
knowledge on that and I remember watching scenes where like a guy will
watching scenes where like a guy will
watching scenes where like a guy will try to forcefully make out with a woman
try to forcefully make out with a woman
try to forcefully make out with a woman the woman would resist he would force
the woman would resist he would force
the woman would resist he would force her again and then she would finally
her again and then she would finally
her again and then she would finally give in and then they would start making
give in and then they would start making
give in and then they would start making out passionately and next thing you know
out passionately and next thing you know
out passionately and next thing you know they’re ripping the clothes apart and
they’re ripping the clothes apart and
they’re ripping the clothes apart and then they’re lying naked in bed and this
then they’re lying naked in bed and this
then they’re lying naked in bed and this is what I grew up watching
is what I grew up watching
is what I grew up watching so naturally the over-sexualization of
so naturally the over-sexualization of
so naturally the over-sexualization of TV coupled with the fact that sex from
TV coupled with the fact that sex from
TV coupled with the fact that sex from me was non-existent in my life I was
me was non-existent in my life I was
me was non-existent in my life I was pretty fucking confused
pretty fucking confused
pretty fucking confused now yes I was confused but pretty much
now yes I was confused but pretty much
now yes I was confused but pretty much these impressions led me to see that sex
these impressions led me to see that sex
these impressions led me to see that sex is a taboo that you don’t speak about it
is a taboo that you don’t speak about it
is a taboo that you don’t speak about it it was literally as if there was a pink
it was literally as if there was a pink
it was literally as if there was a pink elephant in the room that we all see
elephant in the room that we all see
elephant in the room that we all see that we all want to ride that we all
that we all want to ride that we all
that we all want to ride that we all know we ride but we just don’t speak
know we ride but we just don’t speak
know we ride but we just don’t speak about it so basically my relationship to
about it so basically my relationship to
about it so basically my relationship to sex was that between pleasurable yet
sex was that between pleasurable yet
sex was that between pleasurable yet forbidden yet also kind of guilt
forbidden yet also kind of guilt
forbidden yet also kind of guilt reddened yet passionate and this was
reddened yet passionate and this was
reddened yet passionate and this was pretty much my education on sex and I
pretty much my education on sex and I
pretty much my education on sex and I pretty much took those impressions with
pretty much took those impressions with
pretty much took those impressions with me into my adult life and once I became
me into my adult life and once I became
me into my adult life and once I became sexually active this is where I saw that
sexually active this is where I saw that
sexually active this is where I saw that I was not able to express myself in sex
I was not able to express myself in sex
I was not able to express myself in sex I was not able to express my desires I
I was not able to express my desires I
I was not able to express my desires I wasn’t able to share the things that I
wasn’t able to share the things that I
wasn’t able to share the things that I wanted to do my wishes because I was
wanted to do my wishes because I was
wanted to do my wishes because I was actually afraid that I would get
actually afraid that I would get
actually afraid that I would get rejected I was afraid that I would get
rejected I was afraid that I would get
rejected I was afraid that I would get ridiculed like really I was afraid that
ridiculed like really I was afraid that
ridiculed like really I was afraid that if I shared these desires that somebody
if I shared these desires that somebody
if I shared these desires that somebody would say what are you doing like that’s
would say what are you doing like that’s
would say what are you doing like that’s not okay I was afraid that who I was was
not okay I was afraid that who I was was
not okay I was afraid that who I was was not okay that my desires were not okay
and that was actually like that in other
and that was actually like that in other parts of my life as well I was like that
parts of my life as well I was like that
parts of my life as well I was like that at work friends family
at work friends family
at work friends family I remember at work I wouldn’t express
I remember at work I wouldn’t express
I remember at work I wouldn’t express myself with what I wanted to do because
myself with what I wanted to do because
myself with what I wanted to do because I was literally afraid that my boss
I was literally afraid that my boss
I was literally afraid that my boss would just kick me to the curb but on
would just kick me to the curb but on
would just kick me to the curb but on the other spectrum of my life I somehow
the other spectrum of my life I somehow
the other spectrum of my life I somehow managed to act in a very overly sexual
managed to act in a very overly sexual
managed to act in a very overly sexual way in life and in sex I was like that
way in life and in sex I was like that
way in life and in sex I was like that as well
as well
as well I was acting like overly confident like
I was acting like overly confident like
I was acting like overly confident like sexual seductress and I know that may
sexual seductress and I know that may
sexual seductress and I know that may seem contradictory considering that I
seem contradictory considering that I
seem contradictory considering that I can’t express my desires in bed but yes
can’t express my desires in bed but yes
can’t express my desires in bed but yes it was contradictory because that’s how
it was contradictory because that’s how
it was contradictory because that’s how I grew up Mexican the novellas where
I grew up Mexican the novellas where
I grew up Mexican the novellas where parents don’t talk about sex it was a
parents don’t talk about sex it was a
parents don’t talk about sex it was a contradiction for sure so that was
contradiction for sure so that was
contradiction for sure so that was pretty much how I was with sex in my
pretty much how I was with sex in my
pretty much how I was with sex in my adult life up until about six years ago
adult life up until about six years ago
adult life up until about six years ago and what happened six years ago was that
and what happened six years ago was that
and what happened six years ago was that I decided to leave my life in the US and
I decided to leave my life in the US and
I decided to leave my life in the US and I decided to travel the world and I
I decided to travel the world and I
I decided to travel the world and I decided to leave my life in the US and
decided to leave my life in the US and
decided to leave my life in the US and travel the world because I was in search
travel the world because I was in search
travel the world because I was in search of something greater than me I knew
of something greater than me I knew
of something greater than me I knew there was more to life than what I was
there was more to life than what I was
there was more to life than what I was experiencing and I wanted to find out
experiencing and I wanted to find out
experiencing and I wanted to find out what that was
what that was
what that was and then I traveled the world for a year
and then I traveled the world for a year
and then I traveled the world for a year and then I moved to beautiful and
and then I moved to beautiful and
and then I moved to beautiful and vibrant Berlin and moving here is what
vibrant Berlin and moving here is what
vibrant Berlin and moving here is what really catapulted me to tithing deeper
really catapulted me to tithing deeper
really catapulted me to tithing deeper into myself so I really went into
into myself so I really went into
into myself so I really went into self-discovery mode and then I took
self-discovery mode and then I took
self-discovery mode and then I took actions into I took matters into my own
actions into I took matters into my own
actions into I took matters into my own hands and then I really started
hands and then I really started
hands and then I really started participating actively in different
participating actively in different
participating actively in different personal development workshops in life
personal development workshops in life
personal development workshops in life coaching trainings and things of that
coaching trainings and things of that
coaching trainings and things of that nature now before I continue with the
nature now before I continue with the
nature now before I continue with the story I would like to explain very
story I would like to explain very
story I would like to explain very briefly about what I mean between sex
briefly about what I mean between sex
briefly about what I mean between sex versus sexuality now sex is the act of
versus sexuality now sex is the act of
versus sexuality now sex is the act of sex and it’s part of sexuality
sex and it’s part of sexuality
sex and it’s part of sexuality whereas sexuality as a whole it is one
whereas sexuality as a whole it is one
whereas sexuality as a whole it is one of the basic energies in life it is a
of the basic energies in life it is a
of the basic energies in life it is a basis of where things start from or
basis of where things start from or
basis of where things start from or where things are created from our
where things are created from our
where things are created from our creativity our freedom our drive
creativity our freedom our drive
creativity our freedom our drive this is where it comes from so
this is where it comes from so
this is where it comes from so continuing on with my journey as I was
continuing on with my journey as I was
continuing on with my journey as I was you know building this community of
you know building this community of
you know building this community of peers that were also doing these
peers that were also doing these
peers that were also doing these personal development workshops they
personal development workshops they
personal development workshops they showed me actually they told me that I
showed me actually they told me that I
showed me actually they told me that I was using my sexuality to get attention
was using my sexuality to get attention
was using my sexuality to get attention that I was talking too much about sex
that I was talking too much about sex
that I was talking too much about sex and that when I did it was always over
and that when I did it was always over
and that when I did it was always over the top and really overbearing and I
the top and really overbearing and I
the top and really overbearing and I remember there were certain situations
remember there were certain situations
remember there were certain situations where I was talking to friends and then
where I was talking to friends and then
where I was talking to friends and then I would bring up the subject of sex and
I would bring up the subject of sex and
I would bring up the subject of sex and they would look at me like oh I should
they would look at me like oh I should
they would look at me like oh I should go again talking about sex but when they
go again talking about sex but when they
go again talking about sex but when they told me these things that they thought
told me these things that they thought
told me these things that they thought of me of course I naturally got
of me of course I naturally got
of me of course I naturally got defensive and I reacted I’m like this is
defensive and I reacted I’m like this is
defensive and I reacted I’m like this is how I am that’s what I would say but it
how I am that’s what I would say but it
how I am that’s what I would say but it did trigger something in me and it
did trigger something in me and it
did trigger something in me and it really hit a pain point and then I
really hit a pain point and then I
really hit a pain point and then I started asking myself what am i doing
started asking myself what am i doing
started asking myself what am i doing why am i doing that where is this coming
why am i doing that where is this coming
why am i doing that where is this coming from and then I saw I saw that basically
from and then I saw I saw that basically
from and then I saw I saw that basically I was me using my sexuality to get
I was me using my sexuality to get
I was me using my sexuality to get attention was just a means to cover up
attention was just a means to cover up
attention was just a means to cover up my fears my limitations covering up my
my fears my limitations covering up my
my fears my limitations covering up my feelings of inadequacy because I felt
feelings of inadequacy because I felt
feelings of inadequacy because I felt inadequate I had to know who I was and
inadequate I had to know who I was and
inadequate I had to know who I was and my soul am I overly sexual am i able to
my soul am I overly sexual am i able to
my soul am I overly sexual am i able to express myself like I felt like a
express myself like I felt like a
express myself like I felt like a walking contradiction
and then I started connecting the dots
and then I started connecting the dots and then he saw that the inhibitions
and then he saw that the inhibitions
and then he saw that the inhibitions that I have in life are actually the
that I have in life are actually the
that I have in life are actually the same inhibitions that I have in sex and
same inhibitions that I have in sex and
same inhibitions that I have in sex and I saw that I was relating to sex the
I saw that I was relating to sex the
I saw that I was relating to sex the same way that I was relating to life I
same way that I was relating to life I
same way that I was relating to life I was not able to express my desires I was
was not able to express my desires I was
was not able to express my desires I was overly sexual and both both in sex and
overly sexual and both both in sex and
overly sexual and both both in sex and in life and I saw that the relationship
in life and I saw that the relationship
in life and I saw that the relationship that we have to sex is the relationship
that we have to sex is the relationship
that we have to sex is the relationship that we have to live so I said with
that we have to live so I said with
that we have to live so I said with continuing to see these things and I
continuing to see these things and I
continuing to see these things and I said as I was continuing to reflect on
said as I was continuing to reflect on
said as I was continuing to reflect on myself on my limitations I started to
myself on my limitations I started to
myself on my limitations I started to notice little by little that I was
notice little by little that I was
notice little by little that I was starting to express myself a little more
starting to express myself a little more
starting to express myself a little more Express what I wanted and I was doing
Express what I wanted and I was doing
Express what I wanted and I was doing that in sex and I was doing that in life
that in sex and I was doing that in life
that in sex and I was doing that in life and as I was continuing to express Who I
and as I was continuing to express Who I
and as I was continuing to express Who I am I was seeing that it really felt
am I was seeing that it really felt
am I was seeing that it really felt different because it wasn’t about others
different because it wasn’t about others
different because it wasn’t about others anymore and my whole life it was always
anymore and my whole life it was always
anymore and my whole life it was always about making others happy
about making others happy
about making others happy and I was learning for the first time
and I was learning for the first time
and I was learning for the first time what it was like to express Who I am
what it was like to express Who I am
what it was like to express Who I am because this is who I am I was no longer
because this is who I am I was no longer
because this is who I am I was no longer worried about living with these learned
worried about living with these learned
worried about living with these learned behaviors that I learned as a child I
behaviors that I learned as a child I
behaviors that I learned as a child I was living life in a very different way
was living life in a very different way
was living life in a very different way and since I was able to express myself
and since I was able to express myself
and since I was able to express myself more you know what a result of that was
more you know what a result of that was
more you know what a result of that was creativity I started to become more
creativity I started to become more
creativity I started to become more creative because creativity is coming
creative because creativity is coming
creative because creativity is coming from sexuality and creativity is a form
from sexuality and creativity is a form
from sexuality and creativity is a form of self-expression so naturally as I mix
of self-expression so naturally as I mix
of self-expression so naturally as I mix as I’m expressing me who I am
as I’m expressing me who I am
as I’m expressing me who I am of course my trick my creativity is
of course my trick my creativity is
of course my trick my creativity is gonna come out as well so I was becoming
gonna come out as well so I was becoming
gonna come out as well so I was becoming more creative and as I was becoming more
more creative and as I was becoming more
more creative and as I was becoming more creative I saw that I started to pick up
creative I saw that I started to pick up
creative I saw that I started to pick up a painting
a painting
a painting I never painted with broccoli sticks but
I never painted with broccoli sticks but
I never painted with broccoli sticks but I’m gonna do that next time so I started
I’m gonna do that next time so I started
I’m gonna do that next time so I started to paint and then at one point I
to paint and then at one point I
to paint and then at one point I remembered that I
remembered that I
remembered that I I painted every day every morning for at
I painted every day every morning for at
I painted every day every morning for at least 30 minutes and one thing that I
least 30 minutes and one thing that I
least 30 minutes and one thing that I loved about doing that was that it was
loved about doing that was that it was
loved about doing that was that it was no longer about others
no longer about others
no longer about others it wasn’t about hearing what they had to
it wasn’t about hearing what they had to
it wasn’t about hearing what they had to say it wasn’t about it being pretty
say it wasn’t about it being pretty
say it wasn’t about it being pretty about it being ugly about it being right
about it being ugly about it being right
about it being ugly about it being right or what is my goal with this or is this
or what is my goal with this or is this
or what is my goal with this or is this gonna get me a job or what is his can I
gonna get me a job or what is his can I
gonna get me a job or what is his can I write this on my CV it was just
write this on my CV it was just
write this on my CV it was just literally about me expressing Who I am
literally about me expressing Who I am
literally about me expressing Who I am with paint on a blank canvas and that
with paint on a blank canvas and that
with paint on a blank canvas and that felt so different where there was nobody
felt so different where there was nobody
felt so different where there was nobody on the other end to say that I was
on the other end to say that I was
on the other end to say that I was inadequate or not there was no fear it
inadequate or not there was no fear it
inadequate or not there was no fear it was just me and it was this sense of
was just me and it was this sense of
was just me and it was this sense of aliveness that I felt when I started
aliveness that I felt when I started
aliveness that I felt when I started doing that a sense of aliveness that
doing that a sense of aliveness that
doing that a sense of aliveness that I’ve never felt before again I was
I’ve never felt before again I was
I’ve never felt before again I was coming more into contact with Who I am
coming more into contact with Who I am
coming more into contact with Who I am expressing myself in the way so
expressing myself in the way so
expressing myself in the way so naturally with all of this experience
naturally with all of this experience
naturally with all of this experience and sex and sexuality and creativity and
and sex and sexuality and creativity and
and sex and sexuality and creativity and an expression this is when I decided to
an expression this is when I decided to
an expression this is when I decided to become a transformational life coach and
become a transformational life coach and
become a transformational life coach and then I started to support and invite
then I started to support and invite
then I started to support and invite others to come into contact with fearful
others to come into contact with fearful
others to come into contact with fearful self-expression and creativity and power
self-expression and creativity and power
self-expression and creativity and power and personal freedom and I continued my
and personal freedom and I continued my
and personal freedom and I continued my work even more by creating workshops on
work even more by creating workshops on
work even more by creating workshops on the topic of sexuality which I called
the topic of sexuality which I called
the topic of sexuality which I called stepping into sexual freedom and one of
stepping into sexual freedom and one of
stepping into sexual freedom and one of the exercise that I had people do was to
the exercise that I had people do was to
the exercise that I had people do was to draw out their sexual shames or fears
draw out their sexual shames or fears
draw out their sexual shames or fears and I remember that after doing a few
and I remember that after doing a few
and I remember that after doing a few workshops I remember thinking how cool
workshops I remember thinking how cool
workshops I remember thinking how cool would it be to just get these joins and
would it be to just get these joins and
would it be to just get these joins and have them be a part of an exhibition and
have them be a part of an exhibition and
have them be a part of an exhibition and from that thought I created a project I
from that thought I created a project I
from that thought I created a project I created this experiential art project
created this experiential art project
created this experiential art project that I called sex pression ism
that I called sex pression ism
that I called sex pression ism and it’s basically me having different
and it’s basically me having different
and it’s basically me having different conversations and having different
conversations and having different
conversations and having different coaching sessions with people on the
coaching sessions with people on the
coaching sessions with people on the topic of sexuality where I record them
topic of sexuality where I record them
topic of sexuality where I record them and at the end of that I have people
and at the end of that I have people
and at the end of that I have people paint paint whatever it is at the
paint paint whatever it is at the
paint paint whatever it is at the present – in the moment about sexuality
present – in the moment about sexuality
present – in the moment about sexuality and one of the things I love about this
and one of the things I love about this
and one of the things I love about this project was that it pretty much
project was that it pretty much
project was that it pretty much encapsulated the stories of his people
encapsulated the stories of his people
encapsulated the stories of his people of vulnerability of love of joy of pain
of vulnerability of love of joy of pain
of vulnerability of love of joy of pain of struggle but more than anything it
of struggle but more than anything it
of struggle but more than anything it showed that sex for all of them was a
showed that sex for all of them was a
showed that sex for all of them was a gateway for them to come into contact
gateway for them to come into contact
gateway for them to come into contact with their true selves and the personal
with their true selves and the personal
with their true selves and the personal freedom but there was actually one guy
freedom but there was actually one guy
freedom but there was actually one guy that stood out in the project and let’s
that stood out in the project and let’s
that stood out in the project and let’s call him John for the sake of anonymity
call him John for the sake of anonymity
call him John for the sake of anonymity John was a musician he left to play
John was a musician he left to play
John was a musician he left to play music this was one of his ways of
music this was one of his ways of
music this was one of his ways of expressing himself and he was able to do
expressing himself and he was able to do
expressing himself and he was able to do that in the privacy of his own home but
that in the privacy of his own home but
that in the privacy of his own home but he was unable to show his music in
he was unable to show his music in
he was unable to show his music in public or to the public for others to
public or to the public for others to
public or to the public for others to experience now let’s go into his sex
experience now let’s go into his sex
experience now let’s go into his sex life and sex he was a very healthy
life and sex he was a very healthy
life and sex he was a very healthy masturbator he was able to orgasm but
masturbator he was able to orgasm but
masturbator he was able to orgasm but when it came to actually having sexual
when it came to actually having sexual
when it came to actually having sexual intercourse with a partner yes he
intercourse with a partner yes he
intercourse with a partner yes he enjoyed it he wasn’t able to orgasm so
enjoyed it he wasn’t able to orgasm so
enjoyed it he wasn’t able to orgasm so again going back to his life with music
again going back to his life with music
again going back to his life with music he can do it on his own but he can’t
he can do it on his own but he can’t
he can do it on his own but he can’t share it for the world to experience he
share it for the world to experience he
share it for the world to experience he can’t share his true unique gifts for
can’t share his true unique gifts for
can’t share his true unique gifts for being a musician for others to see and
being a musician for others to see and
being a musician for others to see and hear same thing as in sex where he
hear same thing as in sex where he
hear same thing as in sex where he wasn’t able to orgasm meaning he can’t
wasn’t able to orgasm meaning he can’t
wasn’t able to orgasm meaning he can’t share all of who he is for his partner
share all of who he is for his partner
share all of who he is for his partner to experience and that’s when he saw
to experience and that’s when he saw
to experience and that’s when he saw that the relationship that he has to sex
that the relationship that he has to sex
that the relationship that he has to sex is the relationship that he has to life
I would like to extend an invitation for
I would like to extend an invitation for you to see the possibility that the
you to see the possibility that the
you to see the possibility that the approach that you take to sex is an
approach that you take to sex is an
approach that you take to sex is an entry point for you to come into contact
entry point for you to come into contact
entry point for you to come into contact with your full Suffolk’s
with your full Suffolk’s
with your full Suffolk’s rushon and one thing that you can do is
rushon and one thing that you can do is
rushon and one thing that you can do is ask yourself a question of what is my
ask yourself a question of what is my
ask yourself a question of what is my relationship to sex if I could redefine
relationship to sex if I could redefine
relationship to sex if I could redefine my relationship and sex based on my
my relationship and sex based on my
my relationship and sex based on my truth and not on my learned behaviors
truth and not on my learned behaviors
truth and not on my learned behaviors what would that look like and also what
what would that look like and also what
what would that look like and also what are my sexual limitations and becoming
are my sexual limitations and becoming
are my sexual limitations and becoming aware of all of these limitations will
aware of all of these limitations will
aware of all of these limitations will give you the opportunity to then
give you the opportunity to then
give you the opportunity to then transform these limitations and
transform these limitations and
transform these limitations and transforming these limitations will
transforming these limitations will
transforming these limitations will allow you to come into contact with who
allow you to come into contact with who
allow you to come into contact with who you are so that you can be able to share
you are so that you can be able to share
you are so that you can be able to share yourself for others to experience and
yourself for others to experience and
yourself for others to experience and doing that will allow you to be more
doing that will allow you to be more
doing that will allow you to be more connected to yourself to others and
connected to yourself to others and
connected to yourself to others and really become fully available for
really become fully available for
really become fully available for everyone to experience you who you are
everyone to experience you who you are
everyone to experience you who you are no one else and doing that will allow
no one else and doing that will allow
no one else and doing that will allow you and all of us to have a much much
you and all of us to have a much much
you and all of us to have a much much greater impact
”
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