so I always say I want to feel life when I’m in the middle of it but at this very
I’m in the middle of it but at this very
I’m in the middle of it but at this very moment I only can ask myself why it must
moment I only can ask myself why it must
moment I only can ask myself why it must have been this year of the primary
have been this year of the primary
have been this year of the primary school it’s 3 o’clock in the afternoon
school it’s 3 o’clock in the afternoon
school it’s 3 o’clock in the afternoon and my teacher says it’s time to go home
and my teacher says it’s time to go home
and my teacher says it’s time to go home this is my daily moment of truth
this is my daily moment of truth
this is my daily moment of truth I feel the panic and my body my heart
I feel the panic and my body my heart
I feel the panic and my body my heart rate accelerates my head drives over
rate accelerates my head drives over
rate accelerates my head drives over time will they come after me
time will they come after me
time will they come after me which route shall I take will I be fast
which route shall I take will I be fast
which route shall I take will I be fast enough and if not will they help me
enough and if not will they help me
enough and if not will they help me will they hurt me I’m 10 years old and
will they hurt me I’m 10 years old and
will they hurt me I’m 10 years old and this is my everyday story 22 children of
this is my everyday story 22 children of
this is my everyday story 22 children of my class are chasing me on my way home
my class are chasing me on my way home
my class are chasing me on my way home day after day after day resisting the
day after day after day resisting the
day after day after day resisting the physical attacks and nasty words is out
physical attacks and nasty words is out
physical attacks and nasty words is out of my league
of my league
of my league I’m not capable of protecting myself
I’m not capable of protecting myself
I’m not capable of protecting myself against this group pressure my
against this group pressure my
against this group pressure my nightmares are telling my story over and
nightmares are telling my story over and
nightmares are telling my story over and over again I grew up in a time the
over again I grew up in a time the
over again I grew up in a time the children were not supposed to talk about
children were not supposed to talk about
children were not supposed to talk about their hurt feelings their fears and
their hurt feelings their fears and
their hurt feelings their fears and failures being smart and strong was very
failures being smart and strong was very
failures being smart and strong was very important no-fuss willpower was
important no-fuss willpower was
important no-fuss willpower was something to be proud of being a good
something to be proud of being a good
something to be proud of being a good girl is very important sensitive as I
girl is very important sensitive as I
girl is very important sensitive as I was I felt exactly
was I felt exactly
was I felt exactly what was expected of me I didn’t say a
what was expected of me I didn’t say a
what was expected of me I didn’t say a word our school system rewards good
word our school system rewards good
word our school system rewards good grades and behavior back then but this
grades and behavior back then but this
grades and behavior back then but this is still going on our cognitive were at
is still going on our cognitive were at
is still going on our cognitive were at the front forefront
the front forefront
the front forefront I didn’t felt any incentive to get to
I didn’t felt any incentive to get to
I didn’t felt any incentive to get to know myself or my qualities my intrinsic
know myself or my qualities my intrinsic
know myself or my qualities my intrinsic motivation ran on a dead track my fire
motivation ran on a dead track my fire
motivation ran on a dead track my fire and openness left me emotionally I felt
and openness left me emotionally I felt
and openness left me emotionally I felt alone I didn’t know who I was anymore
alone I didn’t know who I was anymore
alone I didn’t know who I was anymore I had no inner peace couldn’t feel my
I had no inner peace couldn’t feel my
I had no inner peace couldn’t feel my life rifle those days I started making a
life rifle those days I started making a
life rifle those days I started making a picture of myself the way I thought
picture of myself the way I thought
picture of myself the way I thought others would like seeing me I was
others would like seeing me I was
others would like seeing me I was scared not being enough not
scared not being enough not
scared not being enough not being enough interesting and loved as a
being enough interesting and loved as a
being enough interesting and loved as a human being
human being
human being so I shouted myself because I decided
so I shouted myself because I decided
so I shouted myself because I decided nobody else would ever hurt me again
with death consequence I didn’t know
with death consequence I didn’t know myself anymore
although it made me a survivor the other
although it made me a survivor the other side of the metal was my loneliness when
side of the metal was my loneliness when
side of the metal was my loneliness when I was 17 years old I left the fil it’s
I was 17 years old I left the fil it’s
I was 17 years old I left the fil it’s where I grew up I replaced it for the
where I grew up I replaced it for the
where I grew up I replaced it for the city during my study I enjoy it I refuse
although I also felt a bit displaced I
although I also felt a bit displaced I lived in a bubble everything was a
lived in a bubble everything was a
lived in a bubble everything was a little blurred then I got myself a job
little blurred then I got myself a job
little blurred then I got myself a job and another job and another I compared
and another job and another I compared
and another job and another I compared myself to others made to-do list
myself to others made to-do list
myself to others made to-do list tick them off made even longer list it
tick them off made even longer list it
tick them off made even longer list it was a major search for recognition I
didn’t use my potential at all I didn’t
didn’t use my potential at all I didn’t even have a clue something like this was
even have a clue something like this was
even have a clue something like this was inside of me and most important I forgot
inside of me and most important I forgot
inside of me and most important I forgot to look around and marvel at all the
to look around and marvel at all the
to look around and marvel at all the little precious moments I didn’t use my
little precious moments I didn’t use my
little precious moments I didn’t use my senses I lived inside the barriers of my
senses I lived inside the barriers of my
senses I lived inside the barriers of my head we live in a wealthy society where
head we live in a wealthy society where
head we live in a wealthy society where it is showed on the outside that we are
it is showed on the outside that we are
it is showed on the outside that we are doing great our car must be as big as
doing great our car must be as big as
doing great our car must be as big as the home we live in and even more luxury
the home we live in and even more luxury
the home we live in and even more luxury everybody is about everybody we all need
everybody is about everybody we all need
everybody is about everybody we all need to perform everything is about to
to perform everything is about to
to perform everything is about to perform we need to look for a new
perform we need to look for a new
perform we need to look for a new balance between together and alone
balance between together and alone
balance between together and alone in my relationships I struggled with
in my relationships I struggled with
in my relationships I struggled with being connected I see people around me
being connected I see people around me
being connected I see people around me struggling the same issue fortunately I
struggling the same issue fortunately I
struggling the same issue fortunately I learned on my way and I’m very happy to
learned on my way and I’m very happy to
learned on my way and I’m very happy to be here with the man I love so much
be here with the man I love so much
be here with the man I love so much thanks love for being in my life
thanks love for being in my life
thanks love for being in my life together we were given a wonderful son
together we were given a wonderful son
together we were given a wonderful son he’s now 11 years old and I love the
he’s now 11 years old and I love the
he’s now 11 years old and I love the life where the three of us very much
five years ago I was pregnant of our
five years ago I was pregnant of our daughter Julia sadly enough we don’t
daughter Julia sadly enough we don’t
daughter Julia sadly enough we don’t have her here with us halfway through
have her here with us halfway through
have her here with us halfway through pregnancy she died in my stomach yet she
pregnancy she died in my stomach yet she
pregnancy she died in my stomach yet she couldn’t afford anything better than
couldn’t afford anything better than
couldn’t afford anything better than this because of the deep grief I went
this because of the deep grief I went
this because of the deep grief I went through I started feeling again I became
through I started feeling again I became
through I started feeling again I became more vulnerable I started living my own
more vulnerable I started living my own
more vulnerable I started living my own truth step by step and after a while I
truth step by step and after a while I
truth step by step and after a while I felt I had to make a shift my work as a
felt I had to make a shift my work as a
felt I had to make a shift my work as a project manager in exercising whirls
project manager in exercising whirls
project manager in exercising whirls didn’t fill me up I decided to get
didn’t fill me up I decided to get
didn’t fill me up I decided to get myself retrained
myself retrained
myself retrained as AB psychodynamic therapist and for
as AB psychodynamic therapist and for
as AB psychodynamic therapist and for four years I went to school and I
four years I went to school and I
four years I went to school and I learned about myself and I went through
learned about myself and I went through
learned about myself and I went through my issues and I loved every single part
my issues and I loved every single part
my issues and I loved every single part of this study so I graduated and
of this study so I graduated and
of this study so I graduated and nowadays I have my own coach practice
nowadays I have my own coach practice
nowadays I have my own coach practice and I love helping others on their way
and I love helping others on their way
and I love helping others on their way of growth
what I would like our children to learn
what I would like our children to learn at school is that we are all unique
at school is that we are all unique
at school is that we are all unique human beings and that we are all worth
human beings and that we are all worth
human beings and that we are all worth the same and that they can experience
the same and that they can experience
the same and that they can experience that being different is a quality
that being different is a quality
that being different is a quality instead of focusing on our cognitions
the point is we cannot selectively
the point is we cannot selectively control our emotions when we do not
control our emotions when we do not
control our emotions when we do not allow our pain we also soften our joy
allow our pain we also soften our joy
allow our pain we also soften our joy and besides our children need parents
and besides our children need parents
and besides our children need parents who are emotionally available and for
who are emotionally available and for
who are emotionally available and for that we need to show courage courage to
that we need to show courage courage to
that we need to show courage courage to tackle our own pain because children
tackle our own pain because children
tackle our own pain because children mirror our pain and if we don’t tackle
mirror our pain and if we don’t tackle
mirror our pain and if we don’t tackle ours we can’t help them on their way
ours we can’t help them on their way
ours we can’t help them on their way through so
through so
through so I recovered myself to a meaningful life
I recovered myself to a meaningful life
I recovered myself to a meaningful life by doing four things first I started
by doing four things first I started
by doing four things first I started being quiet literally everyday moments
being quiet literally everyday moments
being quiet literally everyday moments without distraction like facebook emails
without distraction like facebook emails
without distraction like facebook emails whatsoever I’m a very sensitive person
whatsoever I’m a very sensitive person
whatsoever I’m a very sensitive person and I have great need for me time being
and I have great need for me time being
and I have great need for me time being aware of what is going down inside like
aware of what is going down inside like
aware of what is going down inside like meditation second points
meditation second points
meditation second points I shared my personal stories with my
I shared my personal stories with my
I shared my personal stories with my friends and not only the gracious once
friends and not only the gracious once
friends and not only the gracious once no I started sharing my delicate
no I started sharing my delicate
no I started sharing my delicate thoughts which made me feel small third
thoughts which made me feel small third
thoughts which made me feel small third thing I did I went running in nature and
thing I did I went running in nature and
thing I did I went running in nature and I’m marveled at all the beautiful things
I’m marveled at all the beautiful things
I’m marveled at all the beautiful things like it smells and the colors I used my
like it smells and the colors I used my
like it smells and the colors I used my senses again and fourth I learned about
senses again and fourth I learned about
senses again and fourth I learned about myself by going back to school I got
myself by going back to school I got
myself by going back to school I got myself in therapy and I learned to race
myself in therapy and I learned to race
myself in therapy and I learned to race my blind spots so when you experienced
my blind spots so when you experienced
my blind spots so when you experienced lack of energy or your striving for
lack of energy or your striving for
lack of energy or your striving for something that isn’t you pay attention
something that isn’t you pay attention
something that isn’t you pay attention and instead of working a little bit
and instead of working a little bit
and instead of working a little bit harder slow down slow down your way of
harder slow down slow down your way of
harder slow down slow down your way of living be aware and it can feel a little
living be aware and it can feel a little
living be aware and it can feel a little uncomfortable and not being busy or
uncomfortable and not being busy or
uncomfortable and not being busy or maybe a lot and we don’t like being
maybe a lot and we don’t like being
maybe a lot and we don’t like being uncomfortable do you
I always had tight shoulders and
I always had tight shoulders and headaches
headaches
headaches I felt unhappy and unfree but I never
I felt unhappy and unfree but I never
I felt unhappy and unfree but I never asked myself why what is the reason that
asked myself why what is the reason that
asked myself why what is the reason that my life isn’t meaningful until I had to
my life isn’t meaningful until I had to
my life isn’t meaningful until I had to let go of the most dearest only then I
let go of the most dearest only then I
let go of the most dearest only then I started paying it attention on my needs
started paying it attention on my needs
started paying it attention on my needs only then I started feeling my strength
dear Julia however I’d like a sister for
dear Julia however I’d like a sister for your big brother however I miss you
your big brother however I miss you
your big brother however I miss you every single day thank you for this huge
every single day thank you for this huge
every single day thank you for this huge gift thank you
gift thank you
gift thank you [Applause]
[Applause]
[Applause] you
”
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