hello and thank you for being here I’m very pleased to be here I’m going to
very pleased to be here I’m going to
very pleased to be here I’m going to talk to you about compassion fatigue and
talk to you about compassion fatigue and
talk to you about compassion fatigue and caregiving if you have been a caregiver
caregiving if you have been a caregiver
caregiving if you have been a caregiver or you are now in the throes of
or you are now in the throes of
or you are now in the throes of caregiving or you will be called a
caregiving or you will be called a
caregiving or you will be called a caregiving I hope this information will
caregiving I hope this information will
caregiving I hope this information will be helpful and useful to you
be helpful and useful to you
be helpful and useful to you now and in the future compassion fatigue
now and in the future compassion fatigue
now and in the future compassion fatigue and caregiving navigating the road to
and caregiving navigating the road to
and caregiving navigating the road to wellness during the Vietnam War a young
wellness during the Vietnam War a young
wellness during the Vietnam War a young psychologist and first responder named
psychologist and first responder named
psychologist and first responder named Charles figley notice something very
Charles figley notice something very
Charles figley notice something very unusual was happening as the Wounded
unusual was happening as the Wounded
unusual was happening as the Wounded Warriors were coming off the battlefield
Warriors were coming off the battlefield
Warriors were coming off the battlefield and sharing their stories of horror and
and sharing their stories of horror and
and sharing their stories of horror and trauma that they were experiencing on
trauma that they were experiencing on
trauma that they were experiencing on the battlefield he noticed something
the battlefield he noticed something
the battlefield he noticed something funny was happening it was indeed
funny was happening it was indeed
funny was happening it was indeed changing him and he didn’t understand
changing him and he didn’t understand
changing him and he didn’t understand that because he knew as a professional
that because he knew as a professional
that because he knew as a professional how to protect himself he started to
how to protect himself he started to
how to protect himself he started to feel less safe he started to question
feel less safe he started to question
feel less safe he started to question his values and morals and his whole
his values and morals and his whole
his values and morals and his whole quality of life just started to plummet
quality of life just started to plummet
quality of life just started to plummet it was any had in a ha moment and he
it was any had in a ha moment and he
it was any had in a ha moment and he said to himself something is happening
said to himself something is happening
said to himself something is happening here I am taking on the pain and
here I am taking on the pain and
here I am taking on the pain and suffering of the wounded warriors and I
suffering of the wounded warriors and I
suffering of the wounded warriors and I am making it my own in a sense what he
am making it my own in a sense what he
am making it my own in a sense what he was doing was he was experiencing a
was doing was he was experiencing a
was doing was he was experiencing a secondary traumatic stress syndrome this
secondary traumatic stress syndrome this
secondary traumatic stress syndrome this became his life’s work and in 1995 he
became his life’s work and in 1995 he
became his life’s work and in 1995 he coined the phrase compassion fatigue I
coined the phrase compassion fatigue I
coined the phrase compassion fatigue I first learned about compassion fatigue
first learned about compassion fatigue
first learned about compassion fatigue 20 years ago I was a single mom with
20 years ago I was a single mom with
20 years ago I was a single mom with three kids I worked two jobs
three kids I worked two jobs
three kids I worked two jobs during the day I was a an editor with
during the day I was a an editor with
during the day I was a an editor with the college textbook publishing firm and
the college textbook publishing firm and
the college textbook publishing firm and at night I worked as a correspondent for
at night I worked as a correspondent for
at night I worked as a correspondent for the San Jose Mercury News when my last
the San Jose Mercury News when my last
the San Jose Mercury News when my last one went off to college my daughter
one went off to college my daughter
one went off to college my daughter Elizabeth my youngest I said to myself
Elizabeth my youngest I said to myself
Elizabeth my youngest I said to myself it’s time to do something for me
it’s time to do something for me
it’s time to do something for me something that I want to do I’ve always
something that I want to do I’ve always
something that I want to do I’ve always been a lifelong caregiver for animals
been a lifelong caregiver for animals
been a lifelong caregiver for animals I’ve always loved animals I realized
I’ve always loved animals I realized
I’ve always loved animals I realized that society has a flagrant disregard
that society has a flagrant disregard
that society has a flagrant disregard for animals
for animals
for animals and I wanted to change that I was going
and I wanted to change that I was going
and I wanted to change that I was going to save every animal that came my way I
to save every animal that came my way I
to save every animal that came my way I also wanted to get into training and
also wanted to get into training and
also wanted to get into training and development so I enrolled in a year-long
development so I enrolled in a year-long
development so I enrolled in a year-long certification course
certification course
certification course at UC Santa Cruz and when I got my
at UC Santa Cruz and when I got my
at UC Santa Cruz and when I got my certification I started to look for a
certification I started to look for a
certification I started to look for a job well this was about 1999 and at that
job well this was about 1999 and at that
job well this was about 1999 and at that time we found jobs on Craigslist so I
time we found jobs on Craigslist so I
time we found jobs on Craigslist so I went onto Craigslist and lo and behold
went onto Craigslist and lo and behold
went onto Craigslist and lo and behold there it was training and development
there it was training and development
there it was training and development manager Humane Society Silicon Valley it
manager Humane Society Silicon Valley it
manager Humane Society Silicon Valley it was my job so I went the Clyde and
was my job so I went the Clyde and
was my job so I went the Clyde and several interviews later I got the job
several interviews later I got the job
several interviews later I got the job two weeks into the job the executive
two weeks into the job the executive
two weeks into the job the executive director came to me and said I’d like
director came to me and said I’d like
director came to me and said I’d like you to do a compassion fatigue training
you to do a compassion fatigue training
you to do a compassion fatigue training for the entire shelter
for the entire shelter
for the entire shelter I said sure I’d be happy to do that I
I said sure I’d be happy to do that I
I said sure I’d be happy to do that I was a new employee I wanted to impress
was a new employee I wanted to impress
was a new employee I wanted to impress her I wanted to do a good job but what I
her I wanted to do a good job but what I
her I wanted to do a good job but what I realized is I didn’t know anything about
realized is I didn’t know anything about
realized is I didn’t know anything about that I had never heard that term
that I had never heard that term
that I had never heard that term compassion fatigue so I went up to my
compassion fatigue so I went up to my
compassion fatigue so I went up to my office and I googled it what came up was
office and I googled it what came up was
office and I googled it what came up was the academic writing of dr. Charles
the academic writing of dr. Charles
the academic writing of dr. Charles figley and the professional quality of
figley and the professional quality of
figley and the professional quality of life self-test that’s the work of dr.
life self-test that’s the work of dr.
life self-test that’s the work of dr. Beth Huddleston who at that time was a
Beth Huddleston who at that time was a
Beth Huddleston who at that time was a director of the Institute for Rural
director of the Institute for Rural
director of the Institute for Rural Health at Idaho State University well
Health at Idaho State University well
Health at Idaho State University well much to my surprise after reading all
much to my surprise after reading all
much to my surprise after reading all the material and taking the professional
the material and taking the professional
the material and taking the professional quality of life desk I realized that I
quality of life desk I realized that I
quality of life desk I realized that I suffered from very very very high levels
suffered from very very very high levels
suffered from very very very high levels of compassion fatigue it had probably
of compassion fatigue it had probably
of compassion fatigue it had probably destroyed my quality of life for many
destroyed my quality of life for many
destroyed my quality of life for many many years
many years
many years this started me on a journey to learn
this started me on a journey to learn
this started me on a journey to learn more about this and in the meantime I
more about this and in the meantime I
more about this and in the meantime I started the compassion fatigue awareness
started the compassion fatigue awareness
started the compassion fatigue awareness project and it has brought me on a road
project and it has brought me on a road
project and it has brought me on a road to wellness that has brought me here
to wellness that has brought me here
to wellness that has brought me here today in the fourth century we have this
today in the fourth century we have this
today in the fourth century we have this wonderful comment this is the 4th
wonderful comment this is the 4th
wonderful comment this is the 4th century this man said this life is not
century this man said this life is not
century this man said this life is not merely to be alive but to be well and
merely to be alive but to be well and
merely to be alive but to be well and this is the core of my teaching of my
this is the core of my teaching of my
this is the core of my teaching of my education is to try to teach edge you
education is to try to teach edge you
education is to try to teach edge you can excuse me caregivers that they can’t
can excuse me caregivers that they can’t
can excuse me caregivers that they can’t just go through the whole process of
just go through the whole process of
just go through the whole process of caregiving just everyday trying to do
caregiving just everyday trying to do
caregiving just everyday trying to do the best they can they actually had to
the best they can they actually had to
the best they can they actually had to be well and what does that mean we’re
be well and what does that mean we’re
be well and what does that mean we’re integrated human beings we’re talking
integrated human beings we’re talking
integrated human beings we’re talking about body mind and spirit teaching them
about body mind and spirit teaching them
about body mind and spirit teaching them to be self compassionate
to be self compassionate
to be self compassionate caregivers every day to do something for
caregivers every day to do something for
caregivers every day to do something for themselves so why do some people get
themselves so why do some people get
themselves so why do some people get compassion fatigue and some people don’t
compassion fatigue and some people don’t
compassion fatigue and some people don’t what are the symptoms how do we
what are the symptoms how do we
what are the symptoms how do we recognize it in ourselves and in others
recognize it in ourselves and in others
recognize it in ourselves and in others dr. fegoli says compassion fatigue is a
dr. fegoli says compassion fatigue is a
dr. fegoli says compassion fatigue is a state experienced by those helping
state experienced by those helping
state experienced by those helping people or animals in distress it is an
people or animals in distress it is an
people or animals in distress it is an extreme state of tension and
extreme state of tension and
extreme state of tension and preoccupation with the suffering of
preoccupation with the suffering of
preoccupation with the suffering of those being helped to the degree that it
those being helped to the degree that it
those being helped to the degree that it can create a secondary traumatic stress
can create a secondary traumatic stress
can create a secondary traumatic stress for the caregiver so what are the
for the caregiver so what are the
for the caregiver so what are the symptoms how do we recognize it it’s a
symptoms how do we recognize it it’s a
symptoms how do we recognize it it’s a rough road believe me I know I’ve been
rough road believe me I know I’ve been
rough road believe me I know I’ve been there
there
there the first thing is we notice we want to
the first thing is we notice we want to
the first thing is we notice we want to isolate why do we want to isolate
isolate why do we want to isolate
isolate why do we want to isolate because everyone is asking of something
because everyone is asking of something
because everyone is asking of something for us from us and we don’t have
for us from us and we don’t have
for us from us and we don’t have anything left to give we’re fairly
anything left to give we’re fairly
anything left to give we’re fairly depleted the rhythm of a healthy
depleted the rhythm of a healthy
depleted the rhythm of a healthy caregiver is fill up empty out fill up
caregiver is fill up empty out fill up
caregiver is fill up empty out fill up empty up fill up empty out every single
empty up fill up empty out every single
empty up fill up empty out every single day well if we deplete deplete deplete
day well if we deplete deplete deplete
day well if we deplete deplete deplete you can see what happens we get this set
you can see what happens we get this set
you can see what happens we get this set of symptoms and remember this is only a
of symptoms and remember this is only a
of symptoms and remember this is only a set of symptoms it’s not a disease it is
set of symptoms it’s not a disease it is
set of symptoms it’s not a disease it is fixable and I’m going to show you how we
fixable and I’m going to show you how we
fixable and I’m going to show you how we can do this so isolation we want to
can do this so isolation we want to
can do this so isolation we want to isolate we don’t want anyone else to
isolate we don’t want anyone else to
isolate we don’t want anyone else to bother us emotional outbursts where does
bother us emotional outbursts where does
bother us emotional outbursts where does that come from it comes from the fact
that come from it comes from the fact
that come from it comes from the fact that in our early childhood in our
that in our early childhood in our
that in our early childhood in our formative years we learned we did not
formative years we learned we did not
formative years we learned we did not learn good coping skills and we learned
learn good coping skills and we learned
learn good coping skills and we learned to just push down everything in order to
to just push down everything in order to
to just push down everything in order to deal with our lives if indeed there was
deal with our lives if indeed there was
deal with our lives if indeed there was trauma and pain and suffering in our
trauma and pain and suffering in our
trauma and pain and suffering in our early lives so we push it down and we
early lives so we push it down and we
early lives so we push it down and we push it down and we push it down until
push it down and we push it down until
push it down and we push it down until sometimes the human body says I’ve had
sometimes the human body says I’ve had
sometimes the human body says I’ve had enough of you and it comes out as an
enough of you and it comes out as an
enough of you and it comes out as an emotional outburst physical ailments
emotional outburst physical ailments
emotional outburst physical ailments what are these you go to the doctor you
what are these you go to the doctor you
what are these you go to the doctor you say doctor I feel just terrible
say doctor I feel just terrible
say doctor I feel just terrible and I can’t get well I don’t know what’s
and I can’t get well I don’t know what’s
and I can’t get well I don’t know what’s wrong with me what is it it’s the
wrong with me what is it it’s the
wrong with me what is it it’s the headache that won’t go away it’s that
headache that won’t go away it’s that
headache that won’t go away it’s that scratchy throat that’s always there
scratchy throat that’s always there
scratchy throat that’s always there it’s that pain in the back of the neck
it’s that pain in the back of the neck
it’s that pain in the back of the neck it’s the shoulders that are so worn out
it’s the shoulders that are so worn out
it’s the shoulders that are so worn out because we’re carrying such a heavy load
because we’re carrying such a heavy load
because we’re carrying such a heavy load it’s that lower back ache that keeps us
it’s that lower back ache that keeps us
it’s that lower back ache that keeps us from living a full happy quality of life
from living a full happy quality of life
from living a full happy quality of life because we can’t do what we want to do
because we can’t do what we want to do
because we can’t do what we want to do it’s the gastrointestinal problems and
it’s the gastrointestinal problems and
it’s the gastrointestinal problems and what are those those are the stress
what are those those are the stress
what are those those are the stress points of the hue
points of the hue
points of the hue and body the body is saying to us stop
and body the body is saying to us stop
and body the body is saying to us stop stop you’re hurting me but we don’t
stop you’re hurting me but we don’t
stop you’re hurting me but we don’t listen because we’ve got to keep going
listen because we’ve got to keep going
listen because we’ve got to keep going and going and going of Ember sucess
and going and going of Ember sucess
and going and going of Ember sucess mentality and this is just the fact that
mentality and this is just the fact that
mentality and this is just the fact that we always feel we’re other-directed
we always feel we’re other-directed
we always feel we’re other-directed and everything is out there the problems
and everything is out there the problems
and everything is out there the problems the challenges the answers are all out
the challenges the answers are all out
the challenges the answers are all out there so we set up at them versus us
there so we set up at them versus us
there so we set up at them versus us when in reality all of our answers are
when in reality all of our answers are
when in reality all of our answers are inside healing is an inside job
inside healing is an inside job
inside healing is an inside job from the inside out not from the outside
from the inside out not from the outside
from the inside out not from the outside in substance abuse we all know we read
in substance abuse we all know we read
in substance abuse we all know we read it every day we know this is going on in
it every day we know this is going on in
it every day we know this is going on in our society
our society
our society Americans are self-medicating but we’re
Americans are self-medicating but we’re
Americans are self-medicating but we’re not self-medicating with good food and
not self-medicating with good food and
not self-medicating with good food and exercise and healthy relationships
exercise and healthy relationships
exercise and healthy relationships no we’re reaching for the chocolate and
no we’re reaching for the chocolate and
no we’re reaching for the chocolate and the overeating in the gambling and the
the overeating in the gambling and the
the overeating in the gambling and the pornography the drug abuse the tobacco
pornography the drug abuse the tobacco
pornography the drug abuse the tobacco we all know we do it there’s no shame in
we all know we do it there’s no shame in
we all know we do it there’s no shame in that we all do it
that we all do it
that we all do it sadness and apathy and this is that veil
sadness and apathy and this is that veil
sadness and apathy and this is that veil of sadness that’s that’s over us all the
of sadness that’s that’s over us all the
of sadness that’s that’s over us all the time I know I suffered from that
time I know I suffered from that
time I know I suffered from that terribly I would go to parties or events
terribly I would go to parties or events
terribly I would go to parties or events or even at work and everybody was happy
or even at work and everybody was happy
or even at work and everybody was happy and I never quite understood why I
and I never quite understood why I
and I never quite understood why I didn’t have those same things going on
didn’t have those same things going on
didn’t have those same things going on in my life so sadness and apathy because
in my life so sadness and apathy because
in my life so sadness and apathy because we’re not living that full quality of
we’re not living that full quality of
we’re not living that full quality of life which is our full human potential
life which is our full human potential
life which is our full human potential flashbacks and reoccurring nightmares
flashbacks and reoccurring nightmares
flashbacks and reoccurring nightmares when this happens to you the chances are
when this happens to you the chances are
when this happens to you the chances are very good that you probably need some
very good that you probably need some
very good that you probably need some professional help with a mental health
professional help with a mental health
professional help with a mental health professional the one thing I can say is
professional the one thing I can say is
professional the one thing I can say is make sure that your therapist
make sure that your therapist
make sure that your therapist psychologist psychiatrist knows what
psychologist psychiatrist knows what
psychologist psychiatrist knows what compassion fatigue is often times they
compassion fatigue is often times they
compassion fatigue is often times they recommend go to Hawaii for a couple of
recommend go to Hawaii for a couple of
recommend go to Hawaii for a couple of weeks make you feel much better oh it
weeks make you feel much better oh it
weeks make you feel much better oh it will for two weeks but then you’ll come
will for two weeks but then you’ll come
will for two weeks but then you’ll come back and you’ll fall right back in to
back and you’ll fall right back in to
back and you’ll fall right back in to the crevice of compassion fatigue so
the crevice of compassion fatigue so
the crevice of compassion fatigue so what causes it why do some of us get it
what causes it why do some of us get it
what causes it why do some of us get it some of us don’t well as most things it
some of us don’t well as most things it
some of us don’t well as most things it begins in early childhood these patterns
begins in early childhood these patterns
begins in early childhood these patterns the pattern of other directedness
the pattern of other directedness
the pattern of other directedness somewhere along the line we learned that
somewhere along the line we learned that
somewhere along the line we learned that it’s more important to take care of
it’s more important to take care of
it’s more important to take care of others before we take care of ourselves
others before we take care of ourselves
others before we take care of ourselves and when we try to take care of
and when we try to take care of
and when we try to take care of ourselves we have feelings of shame and
ourselves we have feelings of shame and
ourselves we have feelings of shame and self-centeredness and selfishness
self-centeredness and selfishness
self-centeredness and selfishness and we have to overcome this if indeed
and we have to overcome this if indeed
and we have to overcome this if indeed we don’t fill ourselves up we have
we don’t fill ourselves up we have
we don’t fill ourselves up we have nothing left to give others it’s that
nothing left to give others it’s that
nothing left to give others it’s that simple
simple
simple a lack of strong personal boundaries if
a lack of strong personal boundaries if
a lack of strong personal boundaries if we suffer from the effects of compassion
we suffer from the effects of compassion
we suffer from the effects of compassion fatigue our personal boundaries our way
fatigue our personal boundaries our way
fatigue our personal boundaries our way out here we let everything and everyone
out here we let everything and everyone
out here we let everything and everyone into our lives and oftentimes it’s
into our lives and oftentimes it’s
into our lives and oftentimes it’s hurtful and it doesn’t help us at all
hurtful and it doesn’t help us at all
hurtful and it doesn’t help us at all the journey to wellness is bringing in
the journey to wellness is bringing in
the journey to wellness is bringing in those personal boundaries we decide what
those personal boundaries we decide what
those personal boundaries we decide what we will and won’t allow in our lives and
we will and won’t allow in our lives and
we will and won’t allow in our lives and this is very difficult it sounds simple
this is very difficult it sounds simple
this is very difficult it sounds simple but I can tell you it is most difficult
but I can tell you it is most difficult
but I can tell you it is most difficult thing you’ll ever do
thing you’ll ever do
thing you’ll ever do learning to become from other directed
learning to become from other directed
learning to become from other directed to self directed is the most difficult
to self directed is the most difficult
to self directed is the most difficult journey but it is worth every minute of
journey but it is worth every minute of
journey but it is worth every minute of the work unresolved past pain and trauma
the work unresolved past pain and trauma
the work unresolved past pain and trauma that lives within us we keep pushing it
that lives within us we keep pushing it
that lives within us we keep pushing it down and pushing it down but it’s in
down and pushing it down but it’s in
down and pushing it down but it’s in there and it’s going to come out we have
there and it’s going to come out we have
there and it’s going to come out we have to learn ways in which to let go of the
to learn ways in which to let go of the
to learn ways in which to let go of the trauma that we experience we can do it
trauma that we experience we can do it
trauma that we experience we can do it with rituals we can do it all different
with rituals we can do it all different
with rituals we can do it all different ways because what doesn’t move through
ways because what doesn’t move through
ways because what doesn’t move through us defines us over develop sense of
us defines us over develop sense of
us defines us over develop sense of responsibility and again this comes from
responsibility and again this comes from
responsibility and again this comes from that early childhood there might have
that early childhood there might have
that early childhood there might have been drug abuse or alcoholism or
been drug abuse or alcoholism or
been drug abuse or alcoholism or physical abuse in the family and as
physical abuse in the family and as
physical abuse in the family and as little people we watch this going on and
little people we watch this going on and
little people we watch this going on and we became very responsible for
we became very responsible for
we became very responsible for everything and we carried these patterns
everything and we carried these patterns
everything and we carried these patterns into childhood and we feel like we owe
into childhood and we feel like we owe
into childhood and we feel like we owe the whole world were responsible for
the whole world were responsible for
the whole world were responsible for everything and an impulse to rescue
everything and an impulse to rescue
everything and an impulse to rescue anyone in need where I saw this and I
anyone in need where I saw this and I
anyone in need where I saw this and I continue to see it as I travel the
continue to see it as I travel the
continue to see it as I travel the country is an animal welfare work when I
country is an animal welfare work when I
country is an animal welfare work when I was at the shelter as a training and
was at the shelter as a training and
was at the shelter as a training and development manager the young people
development manager the young people
development manager the young people often came to me and said I have a
often came to me and said I have a
often came to me and said I have a problem maybe you can help me and I said
problem maybe you can help me and I said
problem maybe you can help me and I said what is it well I’ve adopted six dogs
what is it well I’ve adopted six dogs
what is it well I’ve adopted six dogs five cats three guinea pigs a garter
five cats three guinea pigs a garter
five cats three guinea pigs a garter snake and there was a pot-bellied pig
snake and there was a pot-bellied pig
snake and there was a pot-bellied pig and I was thinking of taking that home
and I was thinking of taking that home
and I was thinking of taking that home too and I said well you know what are
too and I said well you know what are
too and I said well you know what are you going to do about this and I said I
you going to do about this and I said I
you going to do about this and I said I don’t know I’m in a one-bedroom
don’t know I’m in a one-bedroom
don’t know I’m in a one-bedroom apartment with three other people the
apartment with three other people the
apartment with three other people the the personal boundaries you know if you
the personal boundaries you know if you
the personal boundaries you know if you if you adopt one dog you know take home
if you adopt one dog you know take home
if you adopt one dog you know take home one cat you’ve done your job
one cat you’ve done your job
one cat you’ve done your job so we try
so we try
so we try to shrink down their their impulse to
to shrink down their their impulse to
to shrink down their their impulse to rescue anyone in need and we’ve all
rescue anyone in need and we’ve all
rescue anyone in need and we’ve all worked with people probably that have
worked with people probably that have
worked with people probably that have done this so where do we start how do we
done this so where do we start how do we
done this so where do we start how do we start making our lives better how do we
start making our lives better how do we
start making our lives better how do we lift our quality of life so that we’re
lift our quality of life so that we’re
lift our quality of life so that we’re happy healthy human beings we start with
happy healthy human beings we start with
happy healthy human beings we start with creating a self-care plan and people say
creating a self-care plan and people say
creating a self-care plan and people say to me all the time I don’t have time for
to me all the time I don’t have time for
to me all the time I don’t have time for that
that
that I’m too busy I’m too busy caregiving I’m
I’m too busy I’m too busy caregiving I’m
I’m too busy I’m too busy caregiving I’m too busy doing other things I don’t have
too busy doing other things I don’t have
too busy doing other things I don’t have time for a self-care plan and my answer
time for a self-care plan and my answer
time for a self-care plan and my answer to that is you need to make time get up
to that is you need to make time get up
to that is you need to make time get up a half an hour earlier and run or walk
a half an hour earlier and run or walk
a half an hour earlier and run or walk or meditate or do yoga make that time
or meditate or do yoga make that time
or meditate or do yoga make that time for yourself absolutely important so
for yourself absolutely important so
for yourself absolutely important so authentic sustainable self-care we need
authentic sustainable self-care we need
authentic sustainable self-care we need to do what CENTAC to us and this is a
to do what CENTAC to us and this is a
to do what CENTAC to us and this is a road we have to travel as well we have a
road we have to travel as well we have a
road we have to travel as well we have a world today that is constantly telling
world today that is constantly telling
world today that is constantly telling us who we are who we should be with what
us who we are who we should be with what
us who we are who we should be with what school we should go to what we should
school we should go to what we should
school we should go to what we should eat what color our hair should be what
eat what color our hair should be what
eat what color our hair should be what color we should wear this fall all of
color we should wear this fall all of
color we should wear this fall all of that is being bombarded on us and in
that is being bombarded on us and in
that is being bombarded on us and in order to find our true north we need to
order to find our true north we need to
order to find our true north we need to spend time with ourselves and figure out
spend time with ourselves and figure out
spend time with ourselves and figure out who we are and be that authentic person
who we are and be that authentic person
who we are and be that authentic person and it has to be sustainable because boy
and it has to be sustainable because boy
and it has to be sustainable because boy it just keeps coming you may be
it just keeps coming you may be
it just keeps coming you may be caregiving now and at some point the
caregiving now and at some point the
caregiving now and at some point the caregiving will end but it will happen
caregiving will end but it will happen
caregiving will end but it will happen again it’s just the way life is we take
again it’s just the way life is we take
again it’s just the way life is we take care of each other that’s what we’re
care of each other that’s what we’re
care of each other that’s what we’re about
about
about empathic discernment we need to figure
empathic discernment we need to figure
empathic discernment we need to figure out what hurts us and if something comes
out what hurts us and if something comes
out what hurts us and if something comes at us a photograph or post on Facebook
at us a photograph or post on Facebook
at us a photograph or post on Facebook or something like that we have to learn
or something like that we have to learn
or something like that we have to learn when to say stop this is hurting me
when to say stop this is hurting me
when to say stop this is hurting me and stop looking at that if someone says
and stop looking at that if someone says
and stop looking at that if someone says something hurtful to you please don’t
something hurtful to you please don’t
something hurtful to you please don’t say that to me you’re hurting me it’s
say that to me you’re hurting me it’s
say that to me you’re hurting me it’s okay to do that ask for help caregivers
okay to do that ask for help caregivers
okay to do that ask for help caregivers are not good at asking for help
are not good at asking for help
are not good at asking for help strengthen your resiliency we now know
strengthen your resiliency we now know
strengthen your resiliency we now know that this is something that isn’t
that this is something that isn’t
that this is something that isn’t genetic we all have the ability to be
genetic we all have the ability to be
genetic we all have the ability to be more resilient we need to practice it
more resilient we need to practice it
more resilient we need to practice it live a balanced life fill up empty out
live a balanced life fill up empty out
live a balanced life fill up empty out fill up empty out embrace spirituality
fill up empty out embrace spirituality
fill up empty out embrace spirituality new studies show that we all need a form
new studies show that we all need a form
new studies show that we all need a form of spirituality it doesn’t need to be a
of spirituality it doesn’t need to be a
of spirituality it doesn’t need to be a traditional form of spirituality it can
traditional form of spirituality it can
traditional form of spirituality it can be anything you want it to be we live in
be anything you want it to be we live in
be anything you want it to be we live in Friday Harbor my gosh
Friday Harbor my gosh
Friday Harbor my gosh go watch the orcas there’s no higher
go watch the orcas there’s no higher
go watch the orcas there’s no higher form of spirituality than watching the
form of spirituality than watching the
form of spirituality than watching the beautiful creatures be mindful
beautiful creatures be mindful
beautiful creatures be mindful mindfulness is a huge thing right now
mindfulness is a huge thing right now
mindfulness is a huge thing right now they’re using it in schools they’re
they’re using it in schools they’re
they’re using it in schools they’re using it everywhere
using it everywhere
using it everywhere it means being 100% present in what
it means being 100% present in what
it means being 100% present in what we’re doing and what more beautiful gift
we’re doing and what more beautiful gift
we’re doing and what more beautiful gift can we give others to be 100% present
can we give others to be 100% present
can we give others to be 100% present for them and be grateful be grateful
for them and be grateful be grateful
for them and be grateful be grateful that you’ve been called to caregiving
that you’ve been called to caregiving
that you’ve been called to caregiving it’s a precious and sacred gift Lou
it’s a precious and sacred gift Lou
it’s a precious and sacred gift Lou liova Scalia is well he’s now no longer
liova Scalia is well he’s now no longer
liova Scalia is well he’s now no longer with us but he once said in this phrase
with us but he once said in this phrase
with us but he once said in this phrase too often we underestimate the power of
too often we underestimate the power of
too often we underestimate the power of a touch a smile a kind word a listening
a touch a smile a kind word a listening
a touch a smile a kind word a listening ear and honest compliment or the
ear and honest compliment or the
ear and honest compliment or the smallest act of caring all of which have
smallest act of caring all of which have
smallest act of caring all of which have the potential to turn a life around as
the potential to turn a life around as
the potential to turn a life around as care givers we have that in our hearts
care givers we have that in our hearts
care givers we have that in our hearts and hands we have the ability to change
and hands we have the ability to change
and hands we have the ability to change the world we have the ability to change
the world we have the ability to change
the world we have the ability to change a life I know this is true because it
a life I know this is true because it
a life I know this is true because it happened to me many many years ago when
happened to me many many years ago when
happened to me many many years ago when I was going through this and learning
I was going through this and learning
I was going through this and learning all about compassion fatigue
all about compassion fatigue
all about compassion fatigue I left the shelter because I was so
I left the shelter because I was so
I left the shelter because I was so terribly burnt out and what did I do
terribly burnt out and what did I do
terribly burnt out and what did I do I took the job as director of programs
I took the job as director of programs
I took the job as director of programs at Ronnie McDonald House at Stanford I
at Ronnie McDonald House at Stanford I
at Ronnie McDonald House at Stanford I traded euthanizing animals for working
traded euthanizing animals for working
traded euthanizing animals for working with dying children and their families
with dying children and their families
with dying children and their families at that point I was pretty much on all
at that point I was pretty much on all
at that point I was pretty much on all fours and I thought if I don’t do
fours and I thought if I don’t do
fours and I thought if I don’t do something for myself I’m not going to
something for myself I’m not going to
something for myself I’m not going to recover from this so I moved to the
recover from this so I moved to the
recover from this so I moved to the coast of California to a little village
coast of California to a little village
coast of California to a little village called Capitola I rented a small studio
called Capitola I rented a small studio
called Capitola I rented a small studio apartment about the size of my thumbnail
apartment about the size of my thumbnail
apartment about the size of my thumbnail and I lived on credit cards I would not
and I lived on credit cards I would not
and I lived on credit cards I would not recommend that but you know sometimes in
recommend that but you know sometimes in
recommend that but you know sometimes in life we do what we have to do so every
life we do what we have to do so every
life we do what we have to do so every day from my little apartment on Depot
day from my little apartment on Depot
day from my little apartment on Depot Hill I would walk down into the village
Hill I would walk down into the village
Hill I would walk down into the village down and around beautiful ocean there up
down and around beautiful ocean there up
down and around beautiful ocean there up around the train trestle by beautiful on
around the train trestle by beautiful on
around the train trestle by beautiful on this right-hand side beautiful shadow
this right-hand side beautiful shadow
this right-hand side beautiful shadow brick restaurant left-hand side the
brick restaurant left-hand side the
brick restaurant left-hand side the parking lot for the restaurant and I
parking lot for the restaurant and I
parking lot for the restaurant and I would walk a couple more blocks now go
would walk a couple more blocks now go
would walk a couple more blocks now go the library and I would take out books
the library and I would take out books
the library and I would take out books free of charge one day after months and
free of charge one day after months and
free of charge one day after months and months of doing this ritual trying to
months of doing this ritual trying to
months of doing this ritual trying to clean out the cobwebs and resolve some
clean out the cobwebs and resolve some
clean out the cobwebs and resolve some past
past
past and trauma I walked by the restaurant
and trauma I walked by the restaurant
and trauma I walked by the restaurant the restaurant and I looked to the
the restaurant and I looked to the
the restaurant and I looked to the left-hand side and there in the parking
left-hand side and there in the parking
left-hand side and there in the parking lot in the corner was a pedestal about
lot in the corner was a pedestal about
lot in the corner was a pedestal about this tall
this tall
this tall I wouldn’t pedestal and on top of it was
I wouldn’t pedestal and on top of it was
I wouldn’t pedestal and on top of it was a wooden hand-carved frog of equal size
a wooden hand-carved frog of equal size
a wooden hand-carved frog of equal size this thing was big I thought I’ve never
this thing was big I thought I’ve never
this thing was big I thought I’ve never seen that before they must have just put
seen that before they must have just put
seen that before they must have just put that there last night so I walked across
that there last night so I walked across
that there last night so I walked across the parking lot and I was in awe of this
the parking lot and I was in awe of this
the parking lot and I was in awe of this thing I walked around it several times
thing I walked around it several times
thing I walked around it several times and enjoyed looking at the beautiful
and enjoyed looking at the beautiful
and enjoyed looking at the beautiful artwork and out of the corner of my eye
artwork and out of the corner of my eye
artwork and out of the corner of my eye I could see this man walking toward me I
I could see this man walking toward me I
I could see this man walking toward me I think he had a straw hat on but I’m not
think he had a straw hat on but I’m not
think he had a straw hat on but I’m not sure anyway when he got up to me I said
sure anyway when he got up to me I said
sure anyway when he got up to me I said hey do you know anything about this frog
hey do you know anything about this frog
hey do you know anything about this frog I said I’ve been walking here for months
I said I’ve been walking here for months
I said I’ve been walking here for months and months and months and I’ve never
and months and months and I’ve never
and months and months and I’ve never noticed it I think they put it here last
noticed it I think they put it here last
noticed it I think they put it here last night he said oh no he says that’s an
night he said oh no he says that’s an
night he said oh no he says that’s an icon it’s a historic icon here in
icon it’s a historic icon here in
icon it’s a historic icon here in Capitola he’s been sitting there for a
Capitola he’s been sitting there for a
Capitola he’s been sitting there for a lot of years and I said well then I
lot of years and I said well then I
lot of years and I said well then I guess maybe today it’s a sign for me
guess maybe today it’s a sign for me
guess maybe today it’s a sign for me it’s telling me I’m ready to croak he
it’s telling me I’m ready to croak he
it’s telling me I’m ready to croak he looked at me and he said oh my dear no
looked at me and he said oh my dear no
looked at me and he said oh my dear no it’s telling you you’re ready to jump
it’s telling you you’re ready to jump
it’s telling you you’re ready to jump and with that I look back at the Frog
and with that I look back at the Frog
and with that I look back at the Frog and I turn to thank the man for his kind
and I turn to thank the man for his kind
and I turn to thank the man for his kind words and he was gone he was gone I ran
words and he was gone he was gone I ran
words and he was gone he was gone I ran to the side of the road I looked to the
to the side of the road I looked to the
to the side of the road I looked to the left I looked to the right I ran to the
left I looked to the right I ran to the
left I looked to the right I ran to the other side of the road I looked to the
other side of the road I looked to the
other side of the road I looked to the left I look to the right
left I look to the right
left I look to the right he was gone seemingly he disappeared in
he was gone seemingly he disappeared in
he was gone seemingly he disappeared in thin air and to this day I believe he
thin air and to this day I believe he
thin air and to this day I believe he did but I can tell you that his words
did but I can tell you that his words
did but I can tell you that his words changed my life shortly after that I put
changed my life shortly after that I put
changed my life shortly after that I put two and two together I connected the
two and two together I connected the
two and two together I connected the dots and I did some wonderful things in
dots and I did some wonderful things in
dots and I did some wonderful things in my life to help others which I continue
my life to help others which I continue
my life to help others which I continue to do today I know that all these years
to do today I know that all these years
to do today I know that all these years that has been a long time his words are
that has been a long time his words are
that has been a long time his words are still with me
still with me
still with me because whenever I’m afraid or I’m
because whenever I’m afraid or I’m
because whenever I’m afraid or I’m nervous or I’m sat upset or I’m
nervous or I’m sat upset or I’m
nervous or I’m sat upset or I’m frustrated his words pop into my brain
frustrated his words pop into my brain
frustrated his words pop into my brain and it says jump and I do and it has
and it says jump and I do and it has
and it says jump and I do and it has made all the difference thank you
made all the difference thank you
made all the difference thank you you
”
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