three years ago I was invited to Dhaka Bangladesh to speak to a group of
Bangladesh to speak to a group of
Bangladesh to speak to a group of leaders who were part of an organization
leaders who were part of an organization
leaders who were part of an organization that gave micro loans to women it was
that gave micro loans to women it was
that gave micro loans to women it was there that I heard about a woman who had
there that I heard about a woman who had
there that I heard about a woman who had asked for a one hundred dollar loan so
asked for a one hundred dollar loan so
asked for a one hundred dollar loan so she could start a coffee shop she got
she could start a coffee shop she got
she could start a coffee shop she got the loan and so she started her coffee
the loan and so she started her coffee
the loan and so she started her coffee shop the streets of Dhaka are lined with
shop the streets of Dhaka are lined with
shop the streets of Dhaka are lined with little kiosks many no bigger than
little kiosks many no bigger than
little kiosks many no bigger than closets and out of these kiosk products
closets and out of these kiosk products
closets and out of these kiosk products are sold and that was her coffee shop
are sold and that was her coffee shop
are sold and that was her coffee shop over time she paid back her lawn and she
over time she paid back her lawn and she
over time she paid back her lawn and she got another loan for $100 and she added
got another loan for $100 and she added
got another loan for $100 and she added bread to our little coffee shop and she
bread to our little coffee shop and she
bread to our little coffee shop and she paid back that loan and after paying
paid back that loan and after paying
paid back that loan and after paying back the two loans she started to make a
back the two loans she started to make a
back the two loans she started to make a nice little profit and with that she
nice little profit and with that she
nice little profit and with that she made the first major purchase of her
made the first major purchase of her
made the first major purchase of her life she bought a bed so her children
life she bought a bed so her children
life she bought a bed so her children would never have to sleep on the floor
would never have to sleep on the floor
would never have to sleep on the floor again when I heard that story I was glad
again when I heard that story I was glad
again when I heard that story I was glad for her and I admired the organization
for her and I admired the organization
for her and I admired the organization that empowered her and helped her to
that empowered her and helped her to
that empowered her and helped her to thrive but I also had to reflect on my
thrive but I also had to reflect on my
thrive but I also had to reflect on my own experience with organizations those
own experience with organizations those
own experience with organizations those experiences was that were not nearly so
experiences was that were not nearly so
experiences was that were not nearly so positive for many times I found myself
positive for many times I found myself
positive for many times I found myself in organizations that spoke very
in organizations that spoke very
in organizations that spoke very glowingly and flower in flowering terms
glowingly and flower in flowering terms
glowingly and flower in flowering terms about the people that were in their
about the people that were in their
about the people that were in their organizations and then they structured
organizations and then they structured
organizations and then they structured those people in very disempowering ways
those people in very disempowering ways
those people in very disempowering ways I began to realize that bad systems
I began to realize that bad systems
I began to realize that bad systems overwhelmed good people finally at the
overwhelmed good people finally at the
overwhelmed good people finally at the age of 55 frustrated and disillusioned I
age of 55 frustrated and disillusioned I
age of 55 frustrated and disillusioned I quit my job I moved to England I got
quit my job I moved to England I got
quit my job I moved to England I got into a ph.d program at the University of
into a ph.d program at the University of
into a ph.d program at the University of Birmingham and I began to study how to
Birmingham and I began to study how to
Birmingham and I began to study how to create and sustain empowering social
create and sustain empowering social
create and sustain empowering social environments in short how to help those
environments in short how to help those
environments in short how to help those people we care about thrive and I
people we care about thrive and I
people we care about thrive and I discovered that there were four things
discovered that there were four things
discovered that there were four things that I could do that would help those
that I could do that would help those
that I could do that would help those people I care about thrive here’s the
people I care about thrive here’s the
people I care about thrive here’s the first one the first thing I can do is I
first one the first thing I can do is I
first one the first thing I can do is I can offer
can offer
can offer you voice now offering voice is not
you voice now offering voice is not
you voice now offering voice is not simply asking for your opinion I can ask
simply asking for your opinion I can ask
simply asking for your opinion I can ask for your opinion and really have no
for your opinion and really have no
for your opinion and really have no interest in it at all and be totally
interest in it at all and be totally
interest in it at all and be totally disengaged offering a person voice means
disengaged offering a person voice means
disengaged offering a person voice means I want to treat you as if you are
I want to treat you as if you are
I want to treat you as if you are present as if if you are not around the
present as if if you are not around the
present as if if you are not around the table somebody’s missing that’s offering
table somebody’s missing that’s offering
table somebody’s missing that’s offering somebody voice as I went in to all kinds
somebody voice as I went in to all kinds
somebody voice as I went in to all kinds of organizations I would ask the
of organizations I would ask the
of organizations I would ask the question can you describe a time you
question can you describe a time you
question can you describe a time you were seriously disempowered people I
were seriously disempowered people I
were seriously disempowered people I didn’t even know would break down
didn’t even know would break down
didn’t even know would break down weeping as they talked about painful
weeping as they talked about painful
weeping as they talked about painful work experiences and again and again the
work experiences and again and again the
work experiences and again and again the source of that disempowerment came from
source of that disempowerment came from
source of that disempowerment came from being deprived of voice being treated as
being deprived of voice being treated as
being deprived of voice being treated as if they weren’t present almost being
if they weren’t present almost being
if they weren’t present almost being treated as if they were invisible my
treated as if they were invisible my
treated as if they were invisible my mom’s name is LC she was 91 when she
mom’s name is LC she was 91 when she
mom’s name is LC she was 91 when she died not all that long ago she spent her
died not all that long ago she spent her
died not all that long ago she spent her last nine years in a nursing home she
last nine years in a nursing home she
last nine years in a nursing home she had a lot of health problems she had a
had a lot of health problems she had a
had a lot of health problems she had a colostomy bag due to macular
colostomy bag due to macular
colostomy bag due to macular degeneration she was virtually blind and
degeneration she was virtually blind and
degeneration she was virtually blind and she had almost no teeth but she
she had almost no teeth but she
she had almost no teeth but she determined while she was in that nursing
determined while she was in that nursing
determined while she was in that nursing home that she would live joyfully and
home that she would live joyfully and
home that she would live joyfully and she would try to encourage other people
she would try to encourage other people
she would try to encourage other people one day an elderly woman was admitted to
one day an elderly woman was admitted to
one day an elderly woman was admitted to the nursing home because she was trying
the nursing home because she was trying
the nursing home because she was trying to get over a serious illness but she
to get over a serious illness but she
to get over a serious illness but she had another problem she had lost the
had another problem she had lost the
had another problem she had lost the will to live her family didn’t know what
will to live her family didn’t know what
will to live her family didn’t know what to do the nurses tried a number of
to do the nurses tried a number of
to do the nurses tried a number of things and they didn’t know what to do
things and they didn’t know what to do
things and they didn’t know what to do and finally one of the nurses said I
and finally one of the nurses said I
and finally one of the nurses said I know let’s put her at Elsie’s table and
know let’s put her at Elsie’s table and
know let’s put her at Elsie’s table and see what happens and so breakfast lunch
see what happens and so breakfast lunch
see what happens and so breakfast lunch and dinner this woman who had lost hope
and dinner this woman who had lost hope
and dinner this woman who had lost hope sat at my mom’s table and even though
sat at my mom’s table and even though
sat at my mom’s table and even though this woman was slowly disappearing my
this woman was slowly disappearing my
this woman was slowly disappearing my mom treated her as if she was totally
mom treated her as if she was totally
mom treated her as if she was totally present she treated her as if she was
present she treated her as if she was
present she treated her as if she was interesting and interested
interesting and interested
interesting and interested she talked to her about all kinds of
she talked to her about all kinds of
she talked to her about all kinds of things my mom would have told her her
things my mom would have told her her
things my mom would have told her her life story she would have talked about
life story she would have talked about
life story she would have talked about how she grew up without a father how she
how she grew up without a father how she
how she grew up without a father how she lived on the farm how she had
lived on the farm how she had
lived on the farm how she had exceptional children she she would have
exceptional children she she would have
exceptional children she she would have let this woman know she was glad she was
let this woman know she was glad she was
let this woman know she was glad she was at her table now there’s the second
at her table now there’s the second
at her table now there’s the second thing I can do to help someone’s thrive
thing I can do to help someone’s thrive
thing I can do to help someone’s thrive I can be a support being a support is in
I can be a support being a support is in
I can be a support being a support is in a back-slapping a tepee attaboy
a back-slapping a tepee attaboy
a back-slapping a tepee attaboy being a support means I am endeavoring
being a support means I am endeavoring
being a support means I am endeavoring to understand your reality and to relate
to understand your reality and to relate
to understand your reality and to relate to you out of your reality now let’s see
to you out of your reality now let’s see
to you out of your reality now let’s see how mom’s doing so they’re sitting there
how mom’s doing so they’re sitting there
how mom’s doing so they’re sitting there at lunch and dinner and breakfast and
at lunch and dinner and breakfast and
at lunch and dinner and breakfast and this woman without hope begins to
this woman without hope begins to
this woman without hope begins to realize my mom understands her reality
realize my mom understands her reality
realize my mom understands her reality she understands what it’s like to be in
she understands what it’s like to be in
she understands what it’s like to be in a nursing home she understands what it
a nursing home she understands what it
a nursing home she understands what it like to live with pain she understands
like to live with pain she understands
like to live with pain she understands what it’s like to have limited capacity
what it’s like to have limited capacity
what it’s like to have limited capacity and diminishing capacity that sense of
and diminishing capacity that sense of
and diminishing capacity that sense of shared common life would have given her
shared common life would have given her
shared common life would have given her hope there’s a third thing I can do I
hope there’s a third thing I can do I
hope there’s a third thing I can do I can be an example over and over no
can be an example over and over no
can be an example over and over no matter what organization I went to there
matter what organization I went to there
matter what organization I went to there was a phrase that came up again and
was a phrase that came up again and
was a phrase that came up again and again that phrase was walk the talk we
again that phrase was walk the talk we
again that phrase was walk the talk we want people we want supervisors we want
want people we want supervisors we want
want people we want supervisors we want leaders little walk the talk I came
leaders little walk the talk I came
leaders little walk the talk I came across they came across a group of
across they came across a group of
across they came across a group of middle managers who said they had never
middle managers who said they had never
middle managers who said they had never seen an improvement plan handed down by
seen an improvement plan handed down by
seen an improvement plan handed down by their supervisors work now here’s what
their supervisors work now here’s what
their supervisors work now here’s what was going on their supervisors or leader
was going on their supervisors or leader
was going on their supervisors or leader would read a new book go to a workshop
would read a new book go to a workshop
would read a new book go to a workshop go to a seminar get a new idea come back
go to a seminar get a new idea come back
go to a seminar get a new idea come back to the organization gather the managers
to the organization gather the managers
to the organization gather the managers together present this new idea you know
together present this new idea you know
together present this new idea you know what the middle managers would do they
what the middle managers would do they
what the middle managers would do they would hear them out
would hear them out
would hear them out and then they would wait a
and then they would wait a
and then they would wait a because they knew that this plan would
because they knew that this plan would
because they knew that this plan would only last until that supervisor or
only last until that supervisor or
only last until that supervisor or leader read another book or went to
leader read another book or went to
leader read another book or went to another workshop they were looking for
another workshop they were looking for
another workshop they were looking for someone who would say to them this is a
someone who would say to them this is a
someone who would say to them this is a hill I’ll die on I cannot not do this
hill I’ll die on I cannot not do this
hill I’ll die on I cannot not do this and be me if I don’t do this I won’t be
and be me if I don’t do this I won’t be
and be me if I don’t do this I won’t be just betraying you I’ll be betraying
just betraying you I’ll be betraying
just betraying you I’ll be betraying myself they were looking for someone who
myself they were looking for someone who
myself they were looking for someone who would be an example this woman without
would be an example this woman without
would be an example this woman without hope would have watched my mom be an
hope would have watched my mom be an
hope would have watched my mom be an example my mom joined the welcoming
example my mom joined the welcoming
example my mom joined the welcoming committee at the nursing home and so
committee at the nursing home and so
committee at the nursing home and so when a new resident would come in she
when a new resident would come in she
when a new resident would come in she would carefully make her way to a room
would carefully make her way to a room
would carefully make her way to a room she could barely find to introduce
she could barely find to introduce
she could barely find to introduce herself to a resident she could barely
herself to a resident she could barely
herself to a resident she could barely see because she said I wanted that
see because she said I wanted that
see because she said I wanted that resident to know that in here they would
resident to know that in here they would
resident to know that in here they would never be alone
never be alone
never be alone there is a fourth thing I can do I can
there is a fourth thing I can do I can
there is a fourth thing I can do I can provide a safe place voice produces
provide a safe place voice produces
provide a safe place voice produces choice and choice means risk many
choice and choice means risk many
choice and choice means risk many leaders never get the best that their
leaders never get the best that their
leaders never get the best that their people have to offer because they never
people have to offer because they never
people have to offer because they never make an effort to reduce the risk of
make an effort to reduce the risk of
make an effort to reduce the risk of contributing and if I am offering you
contributing and if I am offering you
contributing and if I am offering you voice and I am being a support and I am
voice and I am being a support and I am
voice and I am being a support and I am being an example then I have created a
being an example then I have created a
being an example then I have created a safe place and so over time this woman
safe place and so over time this woman
safe place and so over time this woman without hope began to feel better and
without hope began to feel better and
without hope began to feel better and she started talking about her family and
she started talking about her family and
she started talking about her family and she started talking about going home and
she started talking about going home and
she started talking about going home and one day she left and then she came back
one day she left and then she came back
one day she left and then she came back with a card and she made her way to my
with a card and she made her way to my
with a card and she made her way to my mom’s room and she thanked my mother for
mom’s room and she thanked my mother for
mom’s room and she thanked my mother for giving her hope and helping her thrive
giving her hope and helping her thrive
giving her hope and helping her thrive again
again
again and if my mom with all the limitations
and if my mom with all the limitations
and if my mom with all the limitations that were part of her life could help
that were part of her life could help
that were part of her life could help someone she cared about thrive certainly
someone she cared about thrive certainly
someone she cared about thrive certainly those of us in this room even with our
those of us in this room even with our
those of us in this room even with our limitations can help those we care about
limitations can help those we care about
limitations can help those we care about thrive as well
”
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