[Music] when I think about my childhood what I
when I think about my childhood what I
when I think about my childhood what I remember most clearly is the basement
remember most clearly is the basement
remember most clearly is the basement this is where the kids always ended up
this is where the kids always ended up
this is where the kids always ended up down there we had our own Kingdom we
down there we had our own Kingdom we
down there we had our own Kingdom we knew when we gone too far without anyone
knew when we gone too far without anyone
knew when we gone too far without anyone having to tell us and we knew who was in
having to tell us and we knew who was in
having to tell us and we knew who was in charge and these were not kids play
charge and these were not kids play
charge and these were not kids play areas no these were a damp dark smelly
areas no these were a damp dark smelly
areas no these were a damp dark smelly spaces filled with boxes supplies and
spaces filled with boxes supplies and
spaces filled with boxes supplies and our parents second-hand washers and
our parents second-hand washers and
our parents second-hand washers and dryers there was spiders and wetness and
dryers there was spiders and wetness and
dryers there was spiders and wetness and most importantly milk crates every
most importantly milk crates every
most importantly milk crates every immigrant basement seemed to have the
immigrant basement seemed to have the
immigrant basement seemed to have the milk crates and he’s doubled as shoe
milk crates and he’s doubled as shoe
milk crates and he’s doubled as shoe racks and bookshelves side tables end
racks and bookshelves side tables end
racks and bookshelves side tables end tables
tables
tables cars and trains if you were a kid or
cars and trains if you were a kid or
cars and trains if you were a kid or maybe even the timeout box there was one
maybe even the timeout box there was one
maybe even the timeout box there was one basement in one of those early houses
basement in one of those early houses
basement in one of those early houses that we ended up one day after dinner so
that we ended up one day after dinner so
that we ended up one day after dinner so our parents could have that coveted
our parents could have that coveted
our parents could have that coveted peace and quiet but they were always on
peace and quiet but they were always on
peace and quiet but they were always on about and this was the year that changed
about and this was the year that changed
about and this was the year that changed everything because my cousins and I we
everything because my cousins and I we
everything because my cousins and I we were collectively tormented you see
were collectively tormented you see
were collectively tormented you see there was this beast
there was this beast
there was this beast his name was combo and every time we
his name was combo and every time we
his name was combo and every time we asked a question or had an opinion or
asked a question or had an opinion or
asked a question or had an opinion or wine door basically added acted like
wine door basically added acted like
wine door basically added acted like bratty children our parents would tell
bratty children our parents would tell
bratty children our parents would tell us the combo was coming for us one day I
us the combo was coming for us one day I
us the combo was coming for us one day I remember it so clearly I actually saw
remember it so clearly I actually saw
remember it so clearly I actually saw combo in the flesh I was about 2 years
combo in the flesh I was about 2 years
combo in the flesh I was about 2 years old and fussing because I didn’t want to
old and fussing because I didn’t want to
old and fussing because I didn’t want to get out of the bath suddenly the lights
get out of the bath suddenly the lights
get out of the bath suddenly the lights went out and the combo appeared a
went out and the combo appeared a
went out and the combo appeared a mammoth beast covered in gray fur with a
mammoth beast covered in gray fur with a
mammoth beast covered in gray fur with a voice from my deepest nightmare each one
voice from my deepest nightmare each one
voice from my deepest nightmare each one of us cousins had had been horrified or
of us cousins had had been horrified or
of us cousins had had been horrified or terrorized by this monster and we had
terrorized by this monster and we had
terrorized by this monster and we had enough so on this basement in this
enough so on this basement in this
enough so on this basement in this basement on this night we made a plan we
basement on this night we made a plan we
basement on this night we made a plan we decided it was time to fight back
decided it was time to fight back
decided it was time to fight back because in our house
because in our house
because in our house is in our homes as children we had very
is in our homes as children we had very
is in our homes as children we had very little power but here amongst the milk
little power but here amongst the milk
little power but here amongst the milk crates and the mildew we were the
crates and the mildew we were the
crates and the mildew we were the princes and the kings we were the dragon
princes and the kings we were the dragon
princes and the kings we were the dragon slayers we must have been making too
slayers we must have been making too
slayers we must have been making too much noise because once again we heard
much noise because once again we heard
much noise because once again we heard the heavy boom boom of the combo as he
the heavy boom boom of the combo as he
the heavy boom boom of the combo as he descended into our basement but this
descended into our basement but this
descended into our basement but this time we were ready the girls put on
time we were ready the girls put on
time we were ready the girls put on their sweetest voices and their biggest
their sweetest voices and their biggest
their sweetest voices and their biggest smiles Oh combo we called over here the
smiles Oh combo we called over here the
smiles Oh combo we called over here the couple turned and looked and in that
couple turned and looked and in that
couple turned and looked and in that moment the boys took the milk crates and
moment the boys took the milk crates and
moment the boys took the milk crates and beat the combo down victory we heard a
beat the combo down victory we heard a
beat the combo down victory we heard a voice vaguely familiar crying out but we
voice vaguely familiar crying out but we
voice vaguely familiar crying out but we ignored it and we can tell me to stamp
ignored it and we can tell me to stamp
ignored it and we can tell me to stamp up and down on that grungy great owl
up and down on that grungy great owl
up and down on that grungy great owl singing we killed the comb boy we killed
singing we killed the comb boy we killed
singing we killed the comb boy we killed the combo and then for the corner of my
the combo and then for the corner of my
the combo and then for the corner of my eye I remember seeing my aunt limping up
eye I remember seeing my aunt limping up
eye I remember seeing my aunt limping up the stairs
shaking her head and laughing quietly to
shaking her head and laughing quietly to herself
herself
herself the combo never came for us again
the combo never came for us again
the combo never came for us again especially not when we were together and
especially not when we were together and
especially not when we were together and especially not when we were in the
especially not when we were in the
especially not when we were in the basement today we’re gonna ask three
basement today we’re gonna ask three
basement today we’re gonna ask three questions first what is the basement
questions first what is the basement
questions first what is the basement second who is your combo and finally
second who is your combo and finally
second who is your combo and finally what can you do to become a combo killer
what can you do to become a combo killer
what can you do to become a combo killer what is the basement that deep hidden
what is the basement that deep hidden
what is the basement that deep hidden part inside of you who is your combo
part inside of you who is your combo
part inside of you who is your combo that demon that lurks at the edges
that demon that lurks at the edges
that demon that lurks at the edges making a lot of noise and finally what
making a lot of noise and finally what
making a lot of noise and finally what does it take to defeat that monster once
does it take to defeat that monster once
does it take to defeat that monster once and for all
and for all
and for all so let’s begin with what is the basement
so let’s begin with what is the basement
so let’s begin with what is the basement iyanla Vanzant in her book in the
iyanla Vanzant in her book in the
iyanla Vanzant in her book in the meantime talks about the basement as a
meantime talks about the basement as a
meantime talks about the basement as a place inside that’s hidden that we go to
place inside that’s hidden that we go to
place inside that’s hidden that we go to to start the journey of exploration and
to start the journey of exploration and
to start the journey of exploration and because it’s hidden and because there
because it’s hidden and because there
because it’s hidden and because there are scary things down there it’s not an
are scary things down there it’s not an
are scary things down there it’s not an easy place to begin personal development
easy place to begin personal development
easy place to begin personal development coaches and self-help gurus talk about
coaches and self-help gurus talk about
coaches and self-help gurus talk about going into the basement to getting
going into the basement to getting
going into the basement to getting know yourself better to just figuring
know yourself better to just figuring
know yourself better to just figuring out who you are but I think I have a
out who you are but I think I have a
out who you are but I think I have a different relationship to my basement
different relationship to my basement
different relationship to my basement maybe because of all the time I spent
maybe because of all the time I spent
maybe because of all the time I spent down there physically as a kid I believe
down there physically as a kid I believe
down there physically as a kid I believe the basement can be a fascinating place
the basement can be a fascinating place
the basement can be a fascinating place filled with treasures and treats a place
filled with treasures and treats a place
filled with treasures and treats a place where there are milk crates that can
where there are milk crates that can
where there are milk crates that can turn into 100 interesting things
turn into 100 interesting things
turn into 100 interesting things the strategic headquarters of the
the strategic headquarters of the
the strategic headquarters of the khoumba killer and I’m not the only one
khoumba killer and I’m not the only one
khoumba killer and I’m not the only one who thinks so Carl Jung was one of the
who thinks so Carl Jung was one of the
who thinks so Carl Jung was one of the first thinkers in psychology who said
first thinkers in psychology who said
first thinkers in psychology who said the myths and the metaphors and the
the myths and the metaphors and the
the myths and the metaphors and the nightmares that we have are worth
nightmares that we have are worth
nightmares that we have are worth exploring but many people who come for
exploring but many people who come for
exploring but many people who come for psychotherapy are terrified of their
psychotherapy are terrified of their
psychotherapy are terrified of their basement they think of it as this
basement they think of it as this
basement they think of it as this Pandora’s box they don’t really want to
Pandora’s box they don’t really want to
Pandora’s box they don’t really want to necessarily remember what they’ve locked
necessarily remember what they’ve locked
necessarily remember what they’ve locked away down there once I remember it so
away down there once I remember it so
away down there once I remember it so clearly I saw Satan in the basement well
clearly I saw Satan in the basement well
clearly I saw Satan in the basement well actually I didn’t see him I heard him I
actually I didn’t see him I heard him I
actually I didn’t see him I heard him I heard Satan in the basement we were
heard Satan in the basement we were
heard Satan in the basement we were upstairs and we heard him and I wasn’t
upstairs and we heard him and I wasn’t
upstairs and we heard him and I wasn’t sure if I actually believed in Satan but
sure if I actually believed in Satan but
sure if I actually believed in Satan but I was just getting into horror movies
I was just getting into horror movies
I was just getting into horror movies and I had learned some Christian
and I had learned some Christian
and I had learned some Christian protection spells to ward him off the
protection spells to ward him off the
protection spells to ward him off the cross in particular seemed really useful
cross in particular seemed really useful
cross in particular seemed really useful so my cousins and I with our fingers in
so my cousins and I with our fingers in
so my cousins and I with our fingers in a cross formation slowly descended the
a cross formation slowly descended the
a cross formation slowly descended the stairs who would have thought that my
stairs who would have thought that my
stairs who would have thought that my stepfather snoring could sound so evil
stepfather snoring could sound so evil
stepfather snoring could sound so evil so many of us are afraid we’re gonna
so many of us are afraid we’re gonna
so many of us are afraid we’re gonna find Satan in our basement not just some
find Satan in our basement not just some
find Satan in our basement not just some old guy snoring and so you know what
old guy snoring and so you know what
old guy snoring and so you know what lives in the basement is old it was put
lives in the basement is old it was put
lives in the basement is old it was put there at a time when your mind was very
there at a time when your mind was very
there at a time when your mind was very young your imagination was very vivid
young your imagination was very vivid
young your imagination was very vivid what lives in the basement are the
what lives in the basement are the
what lives in the basement are the fairies and the monsters of a
fairies and the monsters of a
fairies and the monsters of a two-year-old a four-year-old a first
two-year-old a four-year-old a first
two-year-old a four-year-old a first grader and so now you know what the
grader and so now you know what the
grader and so now you know what the basement is but let’s be honest you
basement is but let’s be honest you
basement is but let’s be honest you already kind of knew that let’s move to
already kind of knew that let’s move to
already kind of knew that let’s move to the next question which is
the next question which is
the next question which is who is your combo the word combo comes
who is your combo the word combo comes
who is your combo the word combo comes from our parents who were of East Indian
from our parents who were of East Indian
from our parents who were of East Indian or Indian subcontinent is where they
or Indian subcontinent is where they
or Indian subcontinent is where they started moved to East Africa for a stint
started moved to East Africa for a stint
started moved to East Africa for a stint on their way to the West the word evokes
on their way to the West the word evokes
on their way to the West the word evokes something exotic something much more
something exotic something much more
something exotic something much more powerful than anything fed on meat and
powerful than anything fed on meat and
powerful than anything fed on meat and potatoes combo ate children’s eyeballs
potatoes combo ate children’s eyeballs
potatoes combo ate children’s eyeballs it drank their tears it made clothing
it drank their tears it made clothing
it drank their tears it made clothing out of their bad dreams and their hair
out of their bad dreams and their hair
out of their bad dreams and their hair but you see I made all that up no one
but you see I made all that up no one
but you see I made all that up no one ever told me that once I had my monster
ever told me that once I had my monster
ever told me that once I had my monster I gave him all sorts of powers and the
I gave him all sorts of powers and the
I gave him all sorts of powers and the same is true for you you have a combo or
same is true for you you have a combo or
same is true for you you have a combo or maybe several is your combo the fear
maybe several is your combo the fear
maybe several is your combo the fear that your kids might grow up and tell
that your kids might grow up and tell
that your kids might grow up and tell you that you failed them is your combo
you that you failed them is your combo
you that you failed them is your combo that you have lattes with friends while
that you have lattes with friends while
that you have lattes with friends while someone else cleans your house and
someone else cleans your house and
someone else cleans your house and you’re afraid your mother-in-law might
you’re afraid your mother-in-law might
you’re afraid your mother-in-law might find out about that is your combo that
find out about that is your combo that
find out about that is your combo that you stay busy day and night working
you stay busy day and night working
you stay busy day and night working because kind of worried that your
because kind of worried that your
because kind of worried that your marriage is going going a little stale
marriage is going going a little stale
marriage is going going a little stale is your combo that you’re a mental
is your combo that you’re a mental
is your combo that you’re a mental health professional who can’t help her
health professional who can’t help her
health professional who can’t help her her own brother who lives with serious
her own brother who lives with serious
her own brother who lives with serious addiction and is homeless if your combo
addiction and is homeless if your combo
addiction and is homeless if your combo that despite the success and the masks
that despite the success and the masks
that despite the success and the masks that you wear inside you just feel like
that you wear inside you just feel like
that you wear inside you just feel like a scared little kid is your combo that
a scared little kid is your combo that
a scared little kid is your combo that no matter how much good you do how much
no matter how much good you do how much
no matter how much good you do how much you give how much you achieve sometimes
you give how much you achieve sometimes
you give how much you achieve sometimes you just
you just
you just feel empty inside is your combo one
feel empty inside is your combo one
feel empty inside is your combo one incredibly intricate beast made up of
incredibly intricate beast made up of
incredibly intricate beast made up of all these elements just waiting for you
all these elements just waiting for you
all these elements just waiting for you to let your guard down so he can throw
to let your guard down so he can throw
to let your guard down so he can throw you into the depths of despair and
you into the depths of despair and
you into the depths of despair and depression once again
depression once again
depression once again oh wait that’s my crumble out in the
oh wait that’s my crumble out in the
oh wait that’s my crumble out in the open now but who is your combo and more
open now but who is your combo and more
open now but who is your combo and more importantly how will you defeat him so
importantly how will you defeat him so
importantly how will you defeat him so let’s move now to our third question
let’s move now to our third question
let’s move now to our third question which is what does it take to become a
which is what does it take to become a
which is what does it take to become a combo killer in the movie dragon a Bruce
combo killer in the movie dragon a Bruce
combo killer in the movie dragon a Bruce Lee story the character Bruce Lee has to
Lee story the character Bruce Lee has to
Lee story the character Bruce Lee has to face his demon and he has to use every
face his demon and he has to use every
face his demon and he has to use every ounce of training that he has how have
ounce of training that he has how have
ounce of training that he has how have you been training are you ready
you been training are you ready
you been training are you ready do you even know what your monster looks
do you even know what your monster looks
do you even know what your monster looks like
like
like in our combo story we knew it’s our
in our combo story we knew it’s our
in our combo story we knew it’s our combo size we knew his shape we also
combo size we knew his shape we also
combo size we knew his shape we also know he was easily destructible and
know he was easily destructible and
know he was easily destructible and couldn’t see very well the see I’m
couldn’t see very well the see I’m
couldn’t see very well the see I’m convinced that there’s only two things
convinced that there’s only two things
convinced that there’s only two things only two ingredients to defeat any size
only two ingredients to defeat any size
only two ingredients to defeat any size or shape of combo and these are courage
or shape of combo and these are courage
or shape of combo and these are courage and connection let’s start with courage
if we don’t want to see who’s down there
if we don’t want to see who’s down there if we don’t know what he looks like
if we don’t know what he looks like
if we don’t know what he looks like there’s no way courage we have to have
there’s no way courage we have to have
there’s no way courage we have to have the courage to admit that yeah we have
the courage to admit that yeah we have
the courage to admit that yeah we have some darkness inside of us and yeah
some darkness inside of us and yeah
some darkness inside of us and yeah we’re not sure exactly what to do with
we’re not sure exactly what to do with
we’re not sure exactly what to do with that or maybe you’d rather not maybe
that or maybe you’d rather not maybe
that or maybe you’d rather not maybe you’d rather not know what’s down there
you’d rather not know what’s down there
you’d rather not know what’s down there like many people maybe you’d rather live
like many people maybe you’d rather live
like many people maybe you’d rather live up here on the first and the second
up here on the first and the second
up here on the first and the second floors of your life and pretend that
floors of your life and pretend that
floors of your life and pretend that that smell from the basement doesn’t
that smell from the basement doesn’t
that smell from the basement doesn’t bother you
bother you
bother you the problem with that is that whatever
the problem with that is that whatever
the problem with that is that whatever is down there starts to stink up your
is down there starts to stink up your
is down there starts to stink up your whole life whatever is down there sure
whole life whatever is down there sure
whole life whatever is down there sure it’s to fester when you don’t visit your
it’s to fester when you don’t visit your
it’s to fester when you don’t visit your Innerspace things come out sideways
courage and connection courage and
courage and connection courage and connection are actually the signal in
connection are actually the signal in
connection are actually the signal in all of the noise that the combo
all of the noise that the combo
all of the noise that the combo generates inside of you courage and
generates inside of you courage and
generates inside of you courage and connection and I’m talking about the
connection and I’m talking about the
connection and I’m talking about the highest order of courage the word
highest order of courage the word
highest order of courage the word courage comes from the Latin core which
courage comes from the Latin core which
courage comes from the Latin core which means heart
means heart
means heart and so the courage I speak of is feeling
and so the courage I speak of is feeling
and so the courage I speak of is feeling your feelings leading with your hearts
your feelings leading with your hearts
your feelings leading with your hearts being willing to see the fear step into
being willing to see the fear step into
being willing to see the fear step into the fear step through the fear to
the fear step through the fear to
the fear step through the fear to whatever is beyond fear itself the
whatever is beyond fear itself the
whatever is beyond fear itself the courage to face the regret of so many
courage to face the regret of so many
courage to face the regret of so many years gone by that you haven’t done
years gone by that you haven’t done
years gone by that you haven’t done anything about it
anything about it
anything about it the courage to admit to yourself that
the courage to admit to yourself that
the courage to admit to yourself that maybe you’ve been wrong about the one
maybe you’ve been wrong about the one
maybe you’ve been wrong about the one thing that you knew more than anybody
thing that you knew more than anybody
thing that you knew more than anybody else which is yourself maybe you’re
else which is yourself maybe you’re
else which is yourself maybe you’re wrong about yourself and then connection
wrong about yourself and then connection
wrong about yourself and then connection we just can’t do this alone
we just can’t do this alone
we just can’t do this alone I mean we can try but we’re going to end
I mean we can try but we’re going to end
I mean we can try but we’re going to end up really really miserable one of the
up really really miserable one of the
up really really miserable one of the first things that a good psychotherapist
first things that a good psychotherapist
first things that a good psychotherapist does with her his or her client is make
does with her his or her client is make
does with her his or her client is make sure that they have a really powerful
sure that they have a really powerful
sure that they have a really powerful circle of support around them connection
circle of support around them connection
circle of support around them connection if you’re going in to that deep hidden
if you’re going in to that deep hidden
if you’re going in to that deep hidden unknown take someone with you don’t try
unknown take someone with you don’t try
unknown take someone with you don’t try to do that alone take a friend take a
to do that alone take a friend take a
to do that alone take a friend take a cousin take a mom take someone and share
cousin take a mom take someone and share
cousin take a mom take someone and share for those deep difficult nasty combos a
for those deep difficult nasty combos a
for those deep difficult nasty combos a professional trained in the secrets of
professional trained in the secrets of
professional trained in the secrets of the basement and how to become a combo
the basement and how to become a combo
the basement and how to become a combo killer would be useful just don’t try to
killer would be useful just don’t try to
killer would be useful just don’t try to do this alone but why should you why
do this alone but why should you why
do this alone but why should you why should you it seems like a lot of work
should you it seems like a lot of work
should you it seems like a lot of work all this identifying and facing and
all this identifying and facing and
all this identifying and facing and defeating why should you
here’s the thing what you don’t heal you
here’s the thing what you don’t heal you pass on what you don’t heal you pass on
pass on what you don’t heal you pass on
pass on what you don’t heal you pass on children who have been abused often go
children who have been abused often go
children who have been abused often go up to become either victims of abuse or
up to become either victims of abuse or
up to become either victims of abuse or abusers themselves childhood trauma gets
abusers themselves childhood trauma gets
abusers themselves childhood trauma gets passed on to the next generation in most
passed on to the next generation in most
passed on to the next generation in most cases addiction and violence gets passed
cases addiction and violence gets passed
cases addiction and violence gets passed on in families and it might not be you
on in families and it might not be you
on in families and it might not be you in this room that suffers why you
in this room that suffers why you
in this room that suffers why you probably know someone who does we have
probably know someone who does we have
probably know someone who does we have people here today sitting with the
people here today sitting with the
people here today sitting with the ghosts of their parents and their
ghosts of their parents and their
ghosts of their parents and their grandparents the monsters that they’ve
grandparents the monsters that they’ve
grandparents the monsters that they’ve inherited on their shoulders and if we
inherited on their shoulders and if we
inherited on their shoulders and if we can’t face our inner space
can’t face our inner space
can’t face our inner space how in heaven’s name how in heaven’s
how in heaven’s name how in heaven’s
how in heaven’s name how in heaven’s name are we going to be able to tackle
name are we going to be able to tackle
name are we going to be able to tackle all the Horrors out here in the real
all the Horrors out here in the real
all the Horrors out here in the real world what you don’t heal you pass on
world what you don’t heal you pass on
world what you don’t heal you pass on today we’ve asked three questions first
today we’ve asked three questions first
today we’ve asked three questions first what is the basement second who is your
what is the basement second who is your
what is the basement second who is your combo and finally what can you do to
combo and finally what can you do to
combo and finally what can you do to become a combo killer now when we sit
become a combo killer now when we sit
become a combo killer now when we sit around in family gatherings we laugh
around in family gatherings we laugh
around in family gatherings we laugh about that combo story and my aunt the
about that combo story and my aunt the
about that combo story and my aunt the one made to terrorize all of us vaz it
one made to terrorize all of us vaz it
one made to terrorize all of us vaz it was not her idea she has nothing to do
was not her idea she has nothing to do
was not her idea she has nothing to do with that I told her I was telling the
with that I told her I was telling the
with that I told her I was telling the story she said make sure they know it
story she said make sure they know it
story she said make sure they know it wasn’t me as a family we faced many many
wasn’t me as a family we faced many many
wasn’t me as a family we faced many many many combos from death to divorce to
many combos from death to divorce to
many combos from death to divorce to drugs but because we keep coming back to
drugs but because we keep coming back to
drugs but because we keep coming back to each other because we stay connected
each other because we stay connected
each other because we stay connected with courage
with courage
with courage there is no combo that can defeat us so
there is no combo that can defeat us so
there is no combo that can defeat us so my challenge to you today is some
my challenge to you today is some
my challenge to you today is some this could you become a combo killer too
[Applause]
[Applause] you
you
you [Applause]
”
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