I was listening to Jamie talked earlier about available ISM and I thought yeah I
about available ISM and I thought yeah I
about available ISM and I thought yeah I got something for that an antidote it’s
got something for that an antidote it’s
got something for that an antidote it’s called quitting that’s what I’m gonna
called quitting that’s what I’m gonna
called quitting that’s what I’m gonna talk about quitting has a bad rap it
talk about quitting has a bad rap it
talk about quitting has a bad rap it feels like failure like giving up we’re
feels like failure like giving up we’re
feels like failure like giving up we’re supposed to go for our goals until we
supposed to go for our goals until we
supposed to go for our goals until we get them and blast through obstacles to
get them and blast through obstacles to
get them and blast through obstacles to never quit it’s easy to agree with that
never quit it’s easy to agree with that
never quit it’s easy to agree with that idea because you can’t make stuff happen
idea because you can’t make stuff happen
idea because you can’t make stuff happen if you don’t stick with it and yet
if you don’t stick with it and yet
if you don’t stick with it and yet throughout our lives we will all come up
throughout our lives we will all come up
throughout our lives we will all come up against goals we would be better off
against goals we would be better off
against goals we would be better off without every one of you probably has
without every one of you probably has
without every one of you probably has right now something that you would love
right now something that you would love
right now something that you would love to quit and as you think about that
to quit and as you think about that
to quit and as you think about that thing a team or a project or a job you
thing a team or a project or a job you
thing a team or a project or a job you might be getting a gnarly feeling in the
might be getting a gnarly feeling in the
might be getting a gnarly feeling in the pit of your stomach a mixture of desire
pit of your stomach a mixture of desire
pit of your stomach a mixture of desire with fear and guilt because we’re not
with fear and guilt because we’re not
with fear and guilt because we’re not supposed to quit but what if we are
supposed to quit but what if we are
supposed to quit but what if we are what if quitting is actually a positive
what if quitting is actually a positive
what if quitting is actually a positive Act we put perseverance on this pedestal
Act we put perseverance on this pedestal
Act we put perseverance on this pedestal and we relegate quitting to the looser
and we relegate quitting to the looser
and we relegate quitting to the looser category we believe that perseverance is
category we believe that perseverance is
category we believe that perseverance is going to win us the prize and that
going to win us the prize and that
going to win us the prize and that quitting is gonna lead us to loss the
quitting is gonna lead us to loss the
quitting is gonna lead us to loss the truth is that both those avenues can
truth is that both those avenues can
truth is that both those avenues can take you to defeat or to victory and
take you to defeat or to victory and
take you to defeat or to victory and both of them require courage quitting is
both of them require courage quitting is
both of them require courage quitting is not the coward’s way out
not the coward’s way out
not the coward’s way out General MacArthur is famous for saying
General MacArthur is famous for saying
General MacArthur is famous for saying Americans never quit but he also said
Americans never quit but he also said
Americans never quit but he also said we’re not retreating we’re advancing in
we’re not retreating we’re advancing in
we’re not retreating we’re advancing in another direction Bill Gates Steve Jobs
another direction Bill Gates Steve Jobs
another direction Bill Gates Steve Jobs they advanced in another direction when
they advanced in another direction when
they advanced in another direction when they quit school in order to found their
they quit school in order to found their
they quit school in order to found their computer empires they understood that
computer empires they understood that
computer empires they understood that quitting well is an important part of
quitting well is an important part of
quitting well is an important part of creating a life that turns you on
creating a life that turns you on
creating a life that turns you on it’s an act of supreme understanding as
it’s an act of supreme understanding as
it’s an act of supreme understanding as to what is important
to what is important
to what is important to us without it we exist on a kind of
to us without it we exist on a kind of
to us without it we exist on a kind of goal attainment autopilot we become
goal attainment autopilot we become
goal attainment autopilot we become hoarders of goals and commitments until
hoarders of goals and commitments until
hoarders of goals and commitments until we’re just Freddy to burst quitting is a
we’re just Freddy to burst quitting is a
we’re just Freddy to burst quitting is a way of decluttering the hoard of getting
way of decluttering the hoard of getting
way of decluttering the hoard of getting rid of the crap so that you can focus on
rid of the crap so that you can focus on
rid of the crap so that you can focus on and be good at the things that really
and be good at the things that really
and be good at the things that really matter
matter
matter my first big quit was when I was a
my first big quit was when I was a
my first big quit was when I was a little kid and I was taking piano
little kid and I was taking piano
little kid and I was taking piano lessons and I was pounding on the
lessons and I was pounding on the
lessons and I was pounding on the keyboard in frustration and my mother
keyboard in frustration and my mother
keyboard in frustration and my mother exasperated called out from the kitchen
exasperated called out from the kitchen
exasperated called out from the kitchen you don’t have to take those lessons you
you don’t have to take those lessons you
you don’t have to take those lessons you know I don’t I got up from the piano and
know I don’t I got up from the piano and
know I don’t I got up from the piano and that was that but that wasn’t really
that was that but that wasn’t really
that was that but that wasn’t really good quitting that was giving up in a
good quitting that was giving up in a
good quitting that was giving up in a rage my next bit quit was when I was
rage my next bit quit was when I was
rage my next bit quit was when I was working for my father and he ran an
working for my father and he ran an
working for my father and he ran an engineering company full of men and
engineering company full of men and
engineering company full of men and suits and I had just moved in with my
suits and I had just moved in with my
suits and I had just moved in with my bearded biker boyfriend so dad called me
bearded biker boyfriend so dad called me
bearded biker boyfriend so dad called me into his office and said that as his
into his office and said that as his
into his office and said that as his daughter working in his company shacking
daughter working in his company shacking
daughter working in his company shacking up with his dude did not uphold the
up with his dude did not uphold the
up with his dude did not uphold the moral standards that I was expected to
moral standards that I was expected to
moral standards that I was expected to keep really so I quit on the spot kind
keep really so I quit on the spot kind
keep really so I quit on the spot kind of surprised him sorry dad but that
of surprised him sorry dad but that
of surprised him sorry dad but that wasn’t really great quitting either
wasn’t really great quitting either
wasn’t really great quitting either because I had no other income set up or
because I had no other income set up or
because I had no other income set up or anything like that but it was a little
anything like that but it was a little
anything like that but it was a little further along the spectrum because I was
further along the spectrum because I was
further along the spectrum because I was quitting for something I actually
quitting for something I actually
quitting for something I actually believed in which was my personal
believed in which was my personal
believed in which was my personal freedom in this case against parental
freedom in this case against parental
freedom in this case against parental tyranny I’m sure you can all relate the
tyranny I’m sure you can all relate the
tyranny I’m sure you can all relate the first time I really staged a good quit
first time I really staged a good quit
first time I really staged a good quit was when I was 33 and I was a VP and a
was when I was 33 and I was a VP and a
was when I was 33 and I was a VP and a thriving 200 million dollar high-tech
thriving 200 million dollar high-tech
thriving 200 million dollar high-tech company I had worked my ass off to get
company I had worked my ass off to get
company I had worked my ass off to get that job I was making great money and
that job I was making great money and
that job I was making great money and every Friday on the way home from work I
every Friday on the way home from work I
every Friday on the way home from work I would burst into sobs from the stress
would burst into sobs from the stress
would burst into sobs from the stress that had built up over the course of the
that had built up over the course of the
that had built up over the course of the week but it was worth it right I was
week but it was worth it right I was
week but it was worth it right I was making that great I kept up that routine
making that great I kept up that routine
making that great I kept up that routine for about a year and a half until it
for about a year and a half until it
for about a year and a half until it finally dawn
finally dawn
finally dawn and on me maybe sobbing every week was
and on me maybe sobbing every week was
and on me maybe sobbing every week was not a price I should be paying for my
not a price I should be paying for my
not a price I should be paying for my success that situation it’s incredibly
success that situation it’s incredibly
success that situation it’s incredibly common Emma so pala of Stanford
common Emma so pala of Stanford
common Emma so pala of Stanford University studies burn out in
University studies burn out in
University studies burn out in corporations more than half of the
corporations more than half of the
corporations more than half of the practitioners in certain fields suffer
practitioners in certain fields suffer
practitioners in certain fields suffer from it she studies what it does to
from it she studies what it does to
from it she studies what it does to their mental and physical health how
their mental and physical health how
their mental and physical health how it’s literally killing them and not just
it’s literally killing them and not just
it’s literally killing them and not just in corporations but in universities too
in corporations but in universities too
in corporations but in universities too we’ve all heard these kinds of stats
we’ve all heard these kinds of stats
we’ve all heard these kinds of stats we’ve all felt how perseverance when you
we’ve all felt how perseverance when you
we’ve all felt how perseverance when you apply it to the wrong thing turns into
apply it to the wrong thing turns into
apply it to the wrong thing turns into an evil twin and it ruins our health and
an evil twin and it ruins our health and
an evil twin and it ruins our health and our relationship and sucks up our energy
our relationship and sucks up our energy
our relationship and sucks up our energy without giving anything back when I quit
without giving anything back when I quit
without giving anything back when I quit that VP job people thought I was nuts
that VP job people thought I was nuts
that VP job people thought I was nuts but I had in mind
but I had in mind
but I had in mind a better way to spend my energy on
a better way to spend my energy on
a better way to spend my energy on something that meant more to me I quit
something that meant more to me I quit
something that meant more to me I quit it in order to start up my landscape
it in order to start up my landscape
it in order to start up my landscape design company which I’d already begun
design company which I’d already begun
design company which I’d already begun on the side I staged a slow exit which
on the side I staged a slow exit which
on the side I staged a slow exit which was good for both of us and eventually I
was good for both of us and eventually I
was good for both of us and eventually I balanced summers in design with winters
balanced summers in design with winters
balanced summers in design with winters in freelance marketing and there were no
in freelance marketing and there were no
in freelance marketing and there were no more weekly sobbing Fitz
more weekly sobbing Fitz
more weekly sobbing Fitz that was quitting well I’ve done more of
that was quitting well I’ve done more of
that was quitting well I’ve done more of it since not jobs but other situations
it since not jobs but other situations
it since not jobs but other situations and I don’t regret any of it I’m
and I don’t regret any of it I’m
and I don’t regret any of it I’m certainly not alone in discovering that
certainly not alone in discovering that
certainly not alone in discovering that quitting saved my sanity fed my
quitting saved my sanity fed my
quitting saved my sanity fed my creativity and it opened up
creativity and it opened up
creativity and it opened up possibilities that I hadn’t even
possibilities that I hadn’t even
possibilities that I hadn’t even imagined people discover this every day
imagined people discover this every day
imagined people discover this every day so if quitting can be so darn good for
so if quitting can be so darn good for
so if quitting can be so darn good for us
us
us why don’t we avoid it like the plague
why don’t we avoid it like the plague
why don’t we avoid it like the plague one reason is a weird human behavior
one reason is a weird human behavior
one reason is a weird human behavior called the sunk cost fallacy
called the sunk cost fallacy
called the sunk cost fallacy simply put we’d love to keep investing
simply put we’d love to keep investing
simply put we’d love to keep investing in things long after they’ve stopped
in things long after they’ve stopped
in things long after they’ve stopped giving us a return it feels wasteful to
giving us a return it feels wasteful to
giving us a return it feels wasteful to pull the plug now smart investors know
pull the plug now smart investors know
pull the plug now smart investors know to get out as soon as they see that the
to get out as soon as they see that the
to get out as soon as they see that the tide is turning but the rest of us we
tide is turning but the rest of us we
tide is turning but the rest of us we stay in until we’ve lost everything
stay in until we’ve lost everything
stay in until we’ve lost everything or we fear that
or we fear that
or we fear that quitting will make our devotion to the
quitting will make our devotion to the
quitting will make our devotion to the old goal look like an error in judgment
old goal look like an error in judgment
old goal look like an error in judgment god forbid dani reali of duke university
god forbid dani reali of duke university
god forbid dani reali of duke university studies how the longer we stick with
studies how the longer we stick with
studies how the longer we stick with something the more we will convince
something the more we will convince
something the more we will convince ourselves well i must love that thing
ourselves well i must love that thing
ourselves well i must love that thing this is especially true if it makes us
this is especially true if it makes us
this is especially true if it makes us suffer that’s how much we hate being
suffer that’s how much we hate being
suffer that’s how much we hate being wrong
wrong
wrong then there’s the fear of failure who
then there’s the fear of failure who
then there’s the fear of failure who wants to be that person who couldn’t
wants to be that person who couldn’t
wants to be that person who couldn’t stay that course failure carries with it
stay that course failure carries with it
stay that course failure carries with it a lot of social and personal stigma and
a lot of social and personal stigma and
a lot of social and personal stigma and yet trial and failure those are the
yet trial and failure those are the
yet trial and failure those are the foundation of invention last but not
foundation of invention last but not
foundation of invention last but not least we just don’t like change we have
least we just don’t like change we have
least we just don’t like change we have this super clear vision of our current
this super clear vision of our current
this super clear vision of our current situation regardless of how awful it
situation regardless of how awful it
situation regardless of how awful it might be but a super murky one of what
might be but a super murky one of what
might be but a super murky one of what could be and so we stick with the devil
could be and so we stick with the devil
could be and so we stick with the devil we know all of these behaviors they are
we know all of these behaviors they are
we know all of these behaviors they are the result of looking backwards instead
the result of looking backwards instead
the result of looking backwards instead of forwards of trying to minimize risk
of forwards of trying to minimize risk
of forwards of trying to minimize risk as opposed to going for reward so how
as opposed to going for reward so how
as opposed to going for reward so how can we overcome this perversity of our
can we overcome this perversity of our
can we overcome this perversity of our brains how can we know when to stick
brains how can we know when to stick
brains how can we know when to stick with something and when to give it the
with something and when to give it the
with something and when to give it the heave-ho I want you to think for a
heave-ho I want you to think for a
heave-ho I want you to think for a minute about the goals and commitments
minute about the goals and commitments
minute about the goals and commitments that you have servicing those things
that you have servicing those things
that you have servicing those things determines the structure of your lives
determines the structure of your lives
determines the structure of your lives where and how you live how you spend
where and how you live how you spend
where and how you live how you spend your time your money your energy those
your time your money your energy those
your time your money your energy those things are finite resources so you
things are finite resources so you
things are finite resources so you better be spending them on something
better be spending them on something
better be spending them on something that matters that requires regular
that matters that requires regular
that matters that requires regular decluttering of your goals and
decluttering of your goals and
decluttering of your goals and commitments your brain is kind of like a
commitments your brain is kind of like a
commitments your brain is kind of like a dorm room if you never touched any of
dorm room if you never touched any of
dorm room if you never touched any of the stuff you put in that room it would
the stuff you put in that room it would
the stuff you put in that room it would soon be filled with old pizza boxes and
soon be filled with old pizza boxes and
soon be filled with old pizza boxes and somebody else’s sweater and a dead plant
somebody else’s sweater and a dead plant
somebody else’s sweater and a dead plant you forgot to water all that stuff is
you forgot to water all that stuff is
you forgot to water all that stuff is obscuring what’s really important like
obscuring what’s really important like
obscuring what’s really important like tomorrow’s term paper and just as we
tomorrow’s term paper and just as we
tomorrow’s term paper and just as we have to clean up
have to clean up
have to clean up our rooms once in a while to get at the
our rooms once in a while to get at the
our rooms once in a while to get at the stuff we really need we have to clean up
stuff we really need we have to clean up
stuff we really need we have to clean up our goals regularly toss out the old and
our goals regularly toss out the old and
our goals regularly toss out the old and moldy stuff so that you can get out
moldy stuff so that you can get out
moldy stuff so that you can get out what’s important you can think of it as
what’s important you can think of it as
what’s important you can think of it as good emotional housekeeping it would
good emotional housekeeping it would
good emotional housekeeping it would make your mother proud in assessing what
make your mother proud in assessing what
make your mother proud in assessing what should stay and what should go one of
should stay and what should go one of
should stay and what should go one of the first things you have to ask
the first things you have to ask
the first things you have to ask yourself is which of my goals are
yourself is which of my goals are
yourself is which of my goals are attainable and which are not decades of
attainable and which are not decades of
attainable and which are not decades of psychology studies by Karsten Raj and
psychology studies by Karsten Raj and
psychology studies by Karsten Raj and others have confirmed what we already
others have confirmed what we already
others have confirmed what we already sense that our well-being is best served
sense that our well-being is best served
sense that our well-being is best served when we ditch unattainable goals those
when we ditch unattainable goals those
when we ditch unattainable goals those are things like winning the heart of
are things like winning the heart of
are things like winning the heart of somebody who’s not into you or trying to
somebody who’s not into you or trying to
somebody who’s not into you or trying to become an accountant when you suck at
become an accountant when you suck at
become an accountant when you suck at math now sometimes a goal will feel
math now sometimes a goal will feel
math now sometimes a goal will feel unattainable because of the mountain of
unattainable because of the mountain of
unattainable because of the mountain of effort that’s between you and the
effort that’s between you and the
effort that’s between you and the promised land
promised land
promised land but most of the time we understand what
but most of the time we understand what
but most of the time we understand what is just really challenging and what is
is just really challenging and what is
is just really challenging and what is truly beyond our grasp
truly beyond our grasp
truly beyond our grasp maybe you’ve been spinning your wheels
maybe you’ve been spinning your wheels
maybe you’ve been spinning your wheels for a long time and you’re just not
for a long time and you’re just not
for a long time and you’re just not getting any traction you’ve made all the
getting any traction you’ve made all the
getting any traction you’ve made all the adjustments you can think of and still
adjustments you can think of and still
adjustments you can think of and still nada
nada
nada that sucker has flatlined as soon as you
that sucker has flatlined as soon as you
that sucker has flatlined as soon as you know something is flatlined you want to
know something is flatlined you want to
know something is flatlined you want to get out of there
get out of there
get out of there stop wasting your precious resources on
stop wasting your precious resources on
stop wasting your precious resources on something that is going nowhere so you
something that is going nowhere so you
something that is going nowhere so you can redirect them to something that
can redirect them to something that
can redirect them to something that could now attainable goals they’re a
could now attainable goals they’re a
could now attainable goals they’re a little trickier then the questions
little trickier then the questions
little trickier then the questions become at what cost and for what reward
become at what cost and for what reward
become at what cost and for what reward and is that reward worth the cost this
and is that reward worth the cost this
and is that reward worth the cost this is the essential stay or go equation
is the essential stay or go equation
is the essential stay or go equation you’ve probably all had an experience
you’ve probably all had an experience
you’ve probably all had an experience where you jumped into something all keen
where you jumped into something all keen
where you jumped into something all keen about what you were going to get and a
about what you were going to get and a
about what you were going to get and a little fuzzy about what it was gonna
little fuzzy about what it was gonna
little fuzzy about what it was gonna take and then as your enthusiasm more
take and then as your enthusiasm more
take and then as your enthusiasm more off and you understood the true cost you
off and you understood the true cost you
off and you understood the true cost you thought oh this is just not worth it to
thought oh this is just not worth it to
thought oh this is just not worth it to me this happens a lot in dating it also
me this happens a lot in dating it also
me this happens a lot in dating it also happens in bigger things like careers
happens in bigger things like careers
happens in bigger things like careers and your whole way of life sometimes
and your whole way of life sometimes
and your whole way of life sometimes can include money time energy emotional
can include money time energy emotional
can include money time energy emotional energy occasionally the cost of pursuing
energy occasionally the cost of pursuing
energy occasionally the cost of pursuing a goal is so great that its outright bad
a goal is so great that its outright bad
a goal is so great that its outright bad for us to keep going
for us to keep going
for us to keep going maybe it’s messing with your head
maybe it’s messing with your head
maybe it’s messing with your head screwing up your sleep
screwing up your sleep
screwing up your sleep give me a stomach cramps or some other
give me a stomach cramps or some other
give me a stomach cramps or some other my body’s trying to tell me something
my body’s trying to tell me something
my body’s trying to tell me something reaction in those situations
reaction in those situations
reaction in those situations quitting becomes an act of
quitting becomes an act of
quitting becomes an act of self-preservation on the reward side of
self-preservation on the reward side of
self-preservation on the reward side of things ask yourself what is winning that
things ask yourself what is winning that
things ask yourself what is winning that goal going to bring you not just the
goal going to bring you not just the
goal going to bring you not just the goal itself not just the Olympic medal
goal itself not just the Olympic medal
goal itself not just the Olympic medal or the CEO position or the doctorate but
or the CEO position or the doctorate but
or the CEO position or the doctorate but everything that then goal comprises for
everything that then goal comprises for
everything that then goal comprises for you maybe its power or wealth or
you maybe its power or wealth or
you maybe its power or wealth or security or a sense of purpose or love
security or a sense of purpose or love
security or a sense of purpose or love or a host of other goodies what do those
or a host of other goodies what do those
or a host of other goodies what do those goodies mean to you and what are you
goodies mean to you and what are you
goodies mean to you and what are you willing to do to get them there are no
willing to do to get them there are no
willing to do to get them there are no right or wrong answers to this equation
right or wrong answers to this equation
right or wrong answers to this equation there’s only your own judgment it’s a
there’s only your own judgment it’s a
there’s only your own judgment it’s a little like taking a Cosmo love quiz how
little like taking a Cosmo love quiz how
little like taking a Cosmo love quiz how hot are you for that goal you you’ve got
hot are you for that goal you you’ve got
hot are you for that goal you you’ve got to be hot for it because if you lose
to be hot for it because if you lose
to be hot for it because if you lose that fire that takes you to the through
that fire that takes you to the through
that fire that takes you to the through the tough bits then each new obstacle is
the tough bits then each new obstacle is
the tough bits then each new obstacle is going to feel that much more impossible
going to feel that much more impossible
going to feel that much more impossible to overcome and possibly pointless now
to overcome and possibly pointless now
to overcome and possibly pointless now once you’ve come eyeball to eyeball with
once you’ve come eyeball to eyeball with
once you’ve come eyeball to eyeball with your goals and commitments in this way
your goals and commitments in this way
your goals and commitments in this way you’re probably gonna quit some stuff
you’re probably gonna quit some stuff
you’re probably gonna quit some stuff some things temporarily and some things
some things temporarily and some things
some things temporarily and some things forever but regardless it’s a good thing
forever but regardless it’s a good thing
forever but regardless it’s a good thing you will bring way more to the stuff
you will bring way more to the stuff
you will bring way more to the stuff that you keep you might even take on
that you keep you might even take on
that you keep you might even take on something new once you’ve declutter dinh
something new once you’ve declutter dinh
something new once you’ve declutter dinh this way take that newly shrunk goal
this way take that newly shrunk goal
this way take that newly shrunk goal list and stick it on your fridge so you
list and stick it on your fridge so you
list and stick it on your fridge so you remain completely aware of what you’re
remain completely aware of what you’re
remain completely aware of what you’re pursuing and why and so you remember to
pursuing and why and so you remember to
pursuing and why and so you remember to clean it up again regularly just like
clean it up again regularly just like
clean it up again regularly just like your room
your room
your room now quitting it’s a hard decision I
now quitting it’s a hard decision I
now quitting it’s a hard decision I won’t sugarcoat it as one courageous
won’t sugarcoat it as one courageous
won’t sugarcoat it as one courageous quitter told me I felt simultaneously
quitter told me I felt simultaneously
quitter told me I felt simultaneously liberated and terrified happy and sad
liberated and terrified happy and sad
liberated and terrified happy and sad empowered and scared that is quite a
empowered and scared that is quite a
empowered and scared that is quite a crazy ride but it’s not a ride on
crazy ride but it’s not a ride on
crazy ride but it’s not a ride on autopilot when you allow yourself the
autopilot when you allow yourself the
autopilot when you allow yourself the possibility of quitting you put yourself
possibility of quitting you put yourself
possibility of quitting you put yourself in the driver’s seat of your life you
in the driver’s seat of your life you
in the driver’s seat of your life you allow it to be different bigger full of
allow it to be different bigger full of
allow it to be different bigger full of things that turn you on quitting is not
things that turn you on quitting is not
things that turn you on quitting is not failure it’s a way of taking
failure it’s a way of taking
failure it’s a way of taking responsibility for yourself of freeing
responsibility for yourself of freeing
responsibility for yourself of freeing up misdirected energy so that you can
up misdirected energy so that you can
up misdirected energy so that you can put it towards something that really
put it towards something that really
put it towards something that really counts so I ask you what really counts
counts so I ask you what really counts
counts so I ask you what really counts for you and what are you going to quit
for you and what are you going to quit
for you and what are you going to quit to make it happen thank you
to make it happen thank you
to make it happen thank you [Applause]
”
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