I want you all to close your eyes picture yourself sitting at the edge of
picture yourself sitting at the edge of
picture yourself sitting at the edge of a bed your whole life is about to change
a bed your whole life is about to change
a bed your whole life is about to change the air that surrounds you is warm yet
the air that surrounds you is warm yet
the air that surrounds you is warm yet the forecast keeps calling for winter
the forecast keeps calling for winter
the forecast keeps calling for winter time you get dressed but you feel as if
time you get dressed but you feel as if
time you get dressed but you feel as if nothing you put on is going to hide the
nothing you put on is going to hide the
nothing you put on is going to hide the monsters that have plagued you for what
monsters that have plagued you for what
monsters that have plagued you for what you keep trying to lie to yourself has
you keep trying to lie to yourself has
you keep trying to lie to yourself has only been a few weeks yet you know it
only been a few weeks yet you know it
only been a few weeks yet you know it has been years there is going to be a
has been years there is going to be a
has been years there is going to be a funeral soon your dreams and aspirations
funeral soon your dreams and aspirations
funeral soon your dreams and aspirations will be in coffins the terms in your
will be in coffins the terms in your
will be in coffins the terms in your vernacular will no longer carry a
vernacular will no longer carry a
vernacular will no longer carry a resemblance of the day before you will
resemblance of the day before you will
resemblance of the day before you will only know there is something new to come
only know there is something new to come
only know there is something new to come now when your eyes hi my name is Jasper
now when your eyes hi my name is Jasper
now when your eyes hi my name is Jasper Vanitas I am an fau student I am an
Vanitas I am an fau student I am an
Vanitas I am an fau student I am an elite our leadership and service
elite our leadership and service
elite our leadership and service ambassador I am an fau red jacket but I
ambassador I am an fau red jacket but I
ambassador I am an fau red jacket but I am also something which not many people
am also something which not many people
am also something which not many people say proudly I am diagnosed with bipolar
say proudly I am diagnosed with bipolar
say proudly I am diagnosed with bipolar disorder the number of my disorder in
disorder the number of my disorder in
disorder the number of my disorder in the diagnostic and statistical manual of
the diagnostic and statistical manual of
the diagnostic and statistical manual of mental health disorders is 29 6.64 let
mental health disorders is 29 6.64 let
mental health disorders is 29 6.64 let me repeat that for you to 96.6 for
me repeat that for you to 96.6 for
me repeat that for you to 96.6 for everything that I am everything that I
everything that I am everything that I
everything that I am everything that I do could be attributed to one number
do could be attributed to one number
do could be attributed to one number that is five digits long yet this is not
that is five digits long yet this is not
that is five digits long yet this is not what happens it is because all of my
what happens it is because all of my
what happens it is because all of my disorder leads to the way I am I do not
disorder leads to the way I am I do not
disorder leads to the way I am I do not allow it to dictate who I am nor my
allow it to dictate who I am nor my
allow it to dictate who I am nor my level of success but before I explain to
level of success but before I explain to
level of success but before I explain to you how I’ve conquered my disorder I’m
you how I’ve conquered my disorder I’m
you how I’ve conquered my disorder I’m going to share with you to the story of
going to share with you to the story of
going to share with you to the story of how I came to my diagnosis and the
how I came to my diagnosis and the
how I came to my diagnosis and the things I lost as a result of being
things I lost as a result of being
things I lost as a result of being diagnosed since I was a child I knew I
diagnosed since I was a child I knew I
diagnosed since I was a child I knew I wanted to work in a profession that was
wanted to work in a profession that was
wanted to work in a profession that was tasked with serving the public in an
tasked with serving the public in an
tasked with serving the public in an honorable way for a long time i
honorable way for a long time i
honorable way for a long time i associated honor with danger and believe
associated honor with danger and believe
associated honor with danger and believe that becoming a police officer would
that becoming a police officer would
that becoming a police officer would fulfill my childhood
fulfill my childhood
fulfill my childhood i er as I got older I got closer to that
i er as I got older I got closer to that
i er as I got older I got closer to that dream I earned A’s and B’s in my
dream I earned A’s and B’s in my
dream I earned A’s and B’s in my freshman year of classes received
freshman year of classes received
freshman year of classes received employment at my University’s Police
employment at my University’s Police
employment at my University’s Police Department enlisted in the Army National
Department enlisted in the Army National
Department enlisted in the Army National Guard and networked in such ways that i
Guard and networked in such ways that i
Guard and networked in such ways that i was already receiving job offers from
was already receiving job offers from
was already receiving job offers from police departments across the country
police departments across the country
police departments across the country but that would be sure lives soon
but that would be sure lives soon
but that would be sure lives soon everything I had worked for would be
everything I had worked for would be
everything I had worked for would be meaningless the tides of my life were
meaningless the tides of my life were
meaningless the tides of my life were creating a shoreline that was impossible
creating a shoreline that was impossible
creating a shoreline that was impossible to reach it was during my sophomore year
to reach it was during my sophomore year
to reach it was during my sophomore year of college where the division between
of college where the division between
of college where the division between what was and what would be began that
what was and what would be began that
what was and what would be began that year is divided into two parts fall and
year is divided into two parts fall and
year is divided into two parts fall and spring and in those two parts comes two
spring and in those two parts comes two
spring and in those two parts comes two completely different lives in fall of
completely different lives in fall of
completely different lives in fall of 2013 I began a relationship that changed
2013 I began a relationship that changed
2013 I began a relationship that changed the course of my life forever I lived
the course of my life forever I lived
the course of my life forever I lived with her and for a time she was what
with her and for a time she was what
with her and for a time she was what heals me but that would not be for long
heals me but that would not be for long
heals me but that would not be for long soon the end would come and I will leave
soon the end would come and I will leave
soon the end would come and I will leave being told I had lied about Who I am I
being told I had lied about Who I am I
being told I had lied about Who I am I would leave in a car and end up on a bed
would leave in a car and end up on a bed
would leave in a car and end up on a bed with an IV attached to my arm and a
with an IV attached to my arm and a
with an IV attached to my arm and a family torn at the sentence they had
family torn at the sentence they had
family torn at the sentence they had avoided for years this dramatic exit
avoided for years this dramatic exit
avoided for years this dramatic exit marks my entrance into a lifelong
marks my entrance into a lifelong
marks my entrance into a lifelong journey of recovery on january twenty
journey of recovery on january twenty
journey of recovery on january twenty eight twenty fourteen i admitted myself
eight twenty fourteen i admitted myself
eight twenty fourteen i admitted myself to the boca raton Regional Hospital
to the boca raton Regional Hospital
to the boca raton Regional Hospital under what is known as a baker act in
under what is known as a baker act in
under what is known as a baker act in order to do this I had to answer yes to
order to do this I had to answer yes to
order to do this I had to answer yes to the following question are you suicidal
the following question are you suicidal
the following question are you suicidal at the time my suicidal feelings were
at the time my suicidal feelings were
at the time my suicidal feelings were not as potent as in times prior but I
not as potent as in times prior but I
not as potent as in times prior but I knew this was the only way to receive
knew this was the only way to receive
knew this was the only way to receive immediate medical attention so with some
immediate medical attention so with some
immediate medical attention so with some hesitation still looming I answered yes
hesitation still looming I answered yes
hesitation still looming I answered yes and it’s led to my eventual transfer to
and it’s led to my eventual transfer to
and it’s led to my eventual transfer to the st. Mary’s mental health unit during
the st. Mary’s mental health unit during
the st. Mary’s mental health unit during my 72 hours at st. Mary’s I came to
my 72 hours at st. Mary’s I came to
my 72 hours at st. Mary’s I came to terms of what I had done and all of the
terms of what I had done and all of the
terms of what I had done and all of the consequences it would bring
consequences it would bring
consequences it would bring I came to accept that there was going to
I came to accept that there was going to
I came to accept that there was going to be a new way of life upon my release
be a new way of life upon my release
be a new way of life upon my release from the hospital and that I was going
from the hospital and that I was going
from the hospital and that I was going to have to adapt to it I also came to
to have to adapt to it I also came to
to have to adapt to it I also came to understand that in this new way of life
understand that in this new way of life
understand that in this new way of life there was going to be dreams aspirations
there was going to be dreams aspirations
there was going to be dreams aspirations and goals which I can no longer claim
and goals which I can no longer claim
and goals which I can no longer claim upon my release from the hospital I took
upon my release from the hospital I took
upon my release from the hospital I took with me a stack of paperwork that
with me a stack of paperwork that
with me a stack of paperwork that highlighted my new life on January 31st
highlighted my new life on January 31st
highlighted my new life on January 31st 2014 I walked out of those hospital
2014 I walked out of those hospital
2014 I walked out of those hospital doors with bottles of prescription
doors with bottles of prescription
doors with bottles of prescription medication doctor’s appointments and a
medication doctor’s appointments and a
medication doctor’s appointments and a laundry list of no mores no more could I
laundry list of no mores no more could I
laundry list of no mores no more could I be a police officer no more could I
be a police officer no more could I
be a police officer no more could I serve in the army but nestled amongst
serve in the army but nestled amongst
serve in the army but nestled amongst those no mores which i highly dislike I
those no mores which i highly dislike I
those no mores which i highly dislike I found one that I treasured no more what
found one that I treasured no more what
found one that I treasured no more what I suffer without a label at least now
I suffer without a label at least now
I suffer without a label at least now when I suffered it would have a name
when I suffered it would have a name
when I suffered it would have a name bipolar disorder I now had a label
bipolar disorder I now had a label
bipolar disorder I now had a label although it seemed more like a sentence
although it seemed more like a sentence
although it seemed more like a sentence that was tailored to me bipolar disorder
that was tailored to me bipolar disorder
that was tailored to me bipolar disorder type 1 mixed severe with psychotic
type 1 mixed severe with psychotic
type 1 mixed severe with psychotic features also known as two 96.6 for
features also known as two 96.6 for
features also known as two 96.6 for these few words put together have
these few words put together have
these few words put together have changed the course of my life forever
changed the course of my life forever
changed the course of my life forever and it is because of this that I believe
and it is because of this that I believe
and it is because of this that I believe in the importance of words words have
in the importance of words words have
in the importance of words words have the power to build or to destroy which
the power to build or to destroy which
the power to build or to destroy which one they achieve is dependent on a
one they achieve is dependent on a
one they achieve is dependent on a person speaking them into existence this
person speaking them into existence this
person speaking them into existence this notion that the power of words lies in
notion that the power of words lies in
notion that the power of words lies in the mouth of a person is precisely what
the mouth of a person is precisely what
the mouth of a person is precisely what has paved my way to success my success
has paved my way to success my success
has paved my way to success my success is possible because I chose to build
is possible because I chose to build
is possible because I chose to build with words rather than the story I chose
with words rather than the story I chose
with words rather than the story I chose to not allow these words that were
to not allow these words that were
to not allow these words that were spoken through neutral mouths to destroy
spoken through neutral mouths to destroy
spoken through neutral mouths to destroy me they could have easily been the
me they could have easily been the
me they could have easily been the reason I stopped trying in life after
reason I stopped trying in life after
reason I stopped trying in life after all these few words put together had
all these few words put together had
all these few words put together had taken away my ability to achieve in
taken away my ability to achieve in
taken away my ability to achieve in success in the one field I wanted I
success in the one field I wanted I
success in the one field I wanted I could have taken that as an indicator
could have taken that as an indicator
could have taken that as an indicator that it was only a matter of time before
that it was only a matter of time before
that it was only a matter of time before my disorder took away my ability
my disorder took away my ability
my disorder took away my ability to achieve another much wanted
to achieve another much wanted
to achieve another much wanted aspiration instead I chose to build my
aspiration instead I chose to build my
aspiration instead I chose to build my life around these words I chose to make
life around these words I chose to make
life around these words I chose to make these words the framework with which I
these words the framework with which I
these words the framework with which I built my life I chose to make my
built my life I chose to make my
built my life I chose to make my disorder a lifelong partner in my quest
disorder a lifelong partner in my quest
disorder a lifelong partner in my quest for success but in order for
for success but in order for
for success but in order for construction to be completed
construction to be completed
construction to be completed successfully and our partnership to work
successfully and our partnership to work
successfully and our partnership to work I did have to understand five things
I did have to understand five things
I did have to understand five things number one it does not stop existing I
number one it does not stop existing I
number one it does not stop existing I understand that my disorder does not
understand that my disorder does not
understand that my disorder does not stop existing simply because i am not
stop existing simply because i am not
stop existing simply because i am not having an episode me feeling better does
having an episode me feeling better does
having an episode me feeling better does not mean i am cured and i can all all of
not mean i am cured and i can all all of
not mean i am cured and i can all all of a sudden stop taking my medication
a sudden stop taking my medication
a sudden stop taking my medication recovery is a daily accomplishment which
recovery is a daily accomplishment which
recovery is a daily accomplishment which must be actively work towards i have to
must be actively work towards i have to
must be actively work towards i have to keep in mind that episodes can occur at
keep in mind that episodes can occur at
keep in mind that episodes can occur at a moment’s notice and this has led me to
a moment’s notice and this has led me to
a moment’s notice and this has led me to defining that being cognizant of the
defining that being cognizant of the
defining that being cognizant of the fragility of stability is the best way
fragility of stability is the best way
fragility of stability is the best way to remain prepared number two I must
to remain prepared number two I must
to remain prepared number two I must respect it I constantly remind myself of
respect it I constantly remind myself of
respect it I constantly remind myself of my disorders ability to destroy because
my disorders ability to destroy because
my disorders ability to destroy because maintaining a healthy respect for my
maintaining a healthy respect for my
maintaining a healthy respect for my disorder is crucial to successfully
disorder is crucial to successfully
disorder is crucial to successfully conquering life with it I must remember
conquering life with it I must remember
conquering life with it I must remember that my disorder can cause me to suffer
that my disorder can cause me to suffer
that my disorder can cause me to suffer a great deal pain when I am going
a great deal pain when I am going
a great deal pain when I am going through an episode remembering this
through an episode remembering this
through an episode remembering this ensures that i do not trigger an episode
ensures that i do not trigger an episode
ensures that i do not trigger an episode for foolish reasons that could have
for foolish reasons that could have
for foolish reasons that could have easily been avoided number three I have
easily been avoided number three I have
easily been avoided number three I have limits I acknowledge the limits that my
limits I acknowledge the limits that my
limits I acknowledge the limits that my disorder presents to my human experience
disorder presents to my human experience
disorder presents to my human experience I then circumvent these limits by
I then circumvent these limits by
I then circumvent these limits by redirecting my focus to items in which
redirecting my focus to items in which
redirecting my focus to items in which my disorder does not limit me in it is
my disorder does not limit me in it is
my disorder does not limit me in it is healthy to accept your limits and strive
healthy to accept your limits and strive
healthy to accept your limits and strive for items which you can actually
for items which you can actually
for items which you can actually accomplish I do not allow myself to live
accomplish I do not allow myself to live
accomplish I do not allow myself to live believing that
believing that
believing that I’m limitless but I also do not allow my
I’m limitless but I also do not allow my
I’m limitless but I also do not allow my limits to dictate my level of success
limits to dictate my level of success
limits to dictate my level of success number for my disorder is not an excuse
number for my disorder is not an excuse
number for my disorder is not an excuse all of my behavior can be explained by
all of my behavior can be explained by
all of my behavior can be explained by my disorder is never okay for me to use
my disorder is never okay for me to use
my disorder is never okay for me to use my disorder as an excuse for my behavior
my disorder as an excuse for my behavior
my disorder as an excuse for my behavior I must keep myself accountable for the
I must keep myself accountable for the
I must keep myself accountable for the ways I behave because my disorder does
ways I behave because my disorder does
ways I behave because my disorder does not give me the excuse to hurt myself or
not give me the excuse to hurt myself or
not give me the excuse to hurt myself or others number five my mental health
others number five my mental health
others number five my mental health comes first I have learned to live in a
comes first I have learned to live in a
comes first I have learned to live in a way in which i find the methods to
way in which i find the methods to
way in which i find the methods to leading a meaningful life all the while
leading a meaningful life all the while
leading a meaningful life all the while keeping my mental health at the
keeping my mental health at the
keeping my mental health at the forefront of my decisions I now put my
forefront of my decisions I now put my
forefront of my decisions I now put my mental health before anything that I
mental health before anything that I
mental health before anything that I want because there was a time when I did
want because there was a time when I did
want because there was a time when I did the reverse it is because of that time
the reverse it is because of that time
the reverse it is because of that time and the damage it caused in my life that
and the damage it caused in my life that
and the damage it caused in my life that I have learned to realize that what i
I have learned to realize that what i
I have learned to realize that what i need is far more important than what i
need is far more important than what i
need is far more important than what i want i must remind you there are two
want i must remind you there are two
want i must remind you there are two courses of actions you can take when you
courses of actions you can take when you
courses of actions you can take when you are diagnosed let it destroy you or use
are diagnosed let it destroy you or use
are diagnosed let it destroy you or use it to build your life and if you are
it to build your life and if you are
it to build your life and if you are living with a mental health disorder I
living with a mental health disorder I
living with a mental health disorder I now want to challenge you in four ways I
now want to challenge you in four ways I
now want to challenge you in four ways I challenge you to not let it destroy you
challenge you to not let it destroy you
challenge you to not let it destroy you I challenge you to make your disorder a
I challenge you to make your disorder a
I challenge you to make your disorder a lifelong partner I challenge you to view
lifelong partner I challenge you to view
lifelong partner I challenge you to view your disorder and your limits as terms
your disorder and your limits as terms
your disorder and your limits as terms and conditions for your life and finally
and conditions for your life and finally
and conditions for your life and finally I challenge you to not let your disorder
I challenge you to not let your disorder
I challenge you to not let your disorder they find the way you treat yourself or
they find the way you treat yourself or
they find the way you treat yourself or others and if you remember just one
others and if you remember just one
others and if you remember just one thing from my story let it be this I am
thing from my story let it be this I am
thing from my story let it be this I am conquering life with bipolar disorder
conquering life with bipolar disorder
conquering life with bipolar disorder thank you
”
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