so this is me as a freshman at Northwestern University in Evanston
Northwestern University in Evanston
Northwestern University in Evanston Illinois and this is my roommate Barbara
Illinois and this is my roommate Barbara
Illinois and this is my roommate Barbara I came from Miami Barbara came from
I came from Miami Barbara came from
I came from Miami Barbara came from Maryland and this is back in the
Maryland and this is back in the
Maryland and this is back in the pre-digital Dark Ages there is no
pre-digital Dark Ages there is no
pre-digital Dark Ages there is no Facebook Mark Zuckerberg he’s in
Facebook Mark Zuckerberg he’s in
Facebook Mark Zuckerberg he’s in kindergarten there’s no online way to
kindergarten there’s no online way to
kindergarten there’s no online way to match roommates so Barbara and I were
match roommates so Barbara and I were
match roommates so Barbara and I were genuinely thrilled when we matched up
genuinely thrilled when we matched up
genuinely thrilled when we matched up you see weirdly we had both done
you see weirdly we had both done
you see weirdly we had both done internships at the public defender’s
internships at the public defender’s
internships at the public defender’s office when we were in high school
office when we were in high school
office when we were in high school less weirdly we had both been obsessed
less weirdly we had both been obsessed
less weirdly we had both been obsessed with Christian Slater in that gen-x
with Christian Slater in that gen-x
with Christian Slater in that gen-x movie classic Heather’s and totally
movie classic Heather’s and totally
movie classic Heather’s and totally coincidentally we both showed up with
coincidentally we both showed up with
coincidentally we both showed up with the same late blue and gray duvet covers
the same late blue and gray duvet covers
the same late blue and gray duvet covers from Bloomingdale’s Barbara was my
from Bloomingdale’s Barbara was my
from Bloomingdale’s Barbara was my instant best friend
instant best friend
instant best friend two weeks after school started Greek
two weeks after school started Greek
two weeks after school started Greek Rush began now northwestern had a rockin
Rush began now northwestern had a rockin
Rush began now northwestern had a rockin Greek system about half of all students
Greek system about half of all students
Greek system about half of all students were in sororities and fraternities and
were in sororities and fraternities and
were in sororities and fraternities and about a hundred percent of my freshman
about a hundred percent of my freshman
about a hundred percent of my freshman dorm was rushing at least it felt that
dorm was rushing at least it felt that
dorm was rushing at least it felt that way so it seemed like to have a social
way so it seemed like to have a social
way so it seemed like to have a social life you needed to go Greek well for
life you needed to go Greek well for
life you needed to go Greek well for those of you who may not be familiar
those of you who may not be familiar
those of you who may not be familiar with sorority rush let me fill you in
with sorority rush let me fill you in
with sorority rush let me fill you in sorority rush is like a mash-up of Shark
sorority rush is like a mash-up of Shark
sorority rush is like a mash-up of Shark Tank me survivor meets Legally Blonde
Tank me survivor meets Legally Blonde
Tank me survivor meets Legally Blonde before Reese Witherspoon goes to law
before Reese Witherspoon goes to law
before Reese Witherspoon goes to law school it’s like an all-girl
school it’s like an all-girl
school it’s like an all-girl speed-dating to see who’s cool enough
speed-dating to see who’s cool enough
speed-dating to see who’s cool enough for the sisterhood and he’s gonna get
for the sisterhood and he’s gonna get
for the sisterhood and he’s gonna get kicked off the island so been weakened
kicked off the island so been weakened
kicked off the island so been weakened to rush with the RA would do in our dorm
to rush with the RA would do in our dorm
to rush with the RA would do in our dorm she call all the girls names out into
she call all the girls names out into
she call all the girls names out into the hallway and she’s gonna show you the
the hallway and she’s gonna show you the
the hallway and she’s gonna show you the list of where you’ve matched up so when
list of where you’ve matched up so when
list of where you’ve matched up so when the RA calls my name she looks miserable
the RA calls my name she looks miserable
the RA calls my name she looks miserable like seriously like she’s gonna throw up
like seriously like she’s gonna throw up
like seriously like she’s gonna throw up she quietly shows me my list I have been
she quietly shows me my list I have been
she quietly shows me my list I have been cut from every single house every single
cut from every single house every single
cut from every single house every single one I’m horrified I’m stunned I cried
one I’m horrified I’m stunned I cried
one I’m horrified I’m stunned I cried and then I called my mom Barbara on the
and then I called my mom Barbara on the
and then I called my mom Barbara on the other hand her list goes on forever she
other hand her list goes on forever she
other hand her list goes on forever she gets into every single house she is
gets into every single house she is
gets into every single house she is being wooed and
being wooed and
being wooed and recruited hard by every sorority she is
recruited hard by every sorority she is
recruited hard by every sorority she is like the NFL number-one draft pick I’m
like the NFL number-one draft pick I’m
like the NFL number-one draft pick I’m not really sure how I pulled myself
not really sure how I pulled myself
not really sure how I pulled myself together I did get involved with the
together I did get involved with the
together I did get involved with the northwestern daily and I got involved in
northwestern daily and I got involved in
northwestern daily and I got involved in local Chicago politics and it would be
local Chicago politics and it would be
local Chicago politics and it would be really awesome and make for a really
really awesome and make for a really
really awesome and make for a really tidy and convenient ending to say I
tidy and convenient ending to say I
tidy and convenient ending to say I found my tribe at the northwestern daily
found my tribe at the northwestern daily
found my tribe at the northwestern daily and I made great friends through
and I made great friends through
and I made great friends through politics but no that wouldn’t be true no
politics but no that wouldn’t be true no
politics but no that wouldn’t be true no my people were going to those really
my people were going to those really
my people were going to those really silly sorority functions and fraternity
silly sorority functions and fraternity
silly sorority functions and fraternity formals so jump ahead to sophomore year
formals so jump ahead to sophomore year
formals so jump ahead to sophomore year Barbara is still my roommate and I
Barbara is still my roommate and I
Barbara is still my roommate and I decide to do something really crazy
decide to do something really crazy
decide to do something really crazy totally insane I decide that I’m going
totally insane I decide that I’m going
totally insane I decide that I’m going to rush again you see I think that last
to rush again you see I think that last
to rush again you see I think that last year was all just a big misunderstanding
year was all just a big misunderstanding
year was all just a big misunderstanding I’m thinking that those girls didn’t
I’m thinking that those girls didn’t
I’m thinking that those girls didn’t know me maybe it was my red lipstick
know me maybe it was my red lipstick
know me maybe it was my red lipstick that came off as a little too aggressive
that came off as a little too aggressive
that came off as a little too aggressive maybe I just wasn’t perky or fun enough
maybe I just wasn’t perky or fun enough
maybe I just wasn’t perky or fun enough maybe it was too intense maybe I needed
maybe it was too intense maybe I needed
maybe it was too intense maybe I needed to channel a little bit more barb so cut
to channel a little bit more barb so cut
to channel a little bit more barb so cut to re rush I think everything’s really
to re rush I think everything’s really
to re rush I think everything’s really going great I think I got this and you
going great I think I got this and you
going great I think I got this and you know what I have friends who are
know what I have friends who are
know what I have friends who are scattered throughout all the different
scattered throughout all the different
scattered throughout all the different sorority houses so I’m feeling very
sorority houses so I’m feeling very
sorority houses so I’m feeling very strategic I’ve got like a grassroot
strategic I’ve got like a grassroot
strategic I’ve got like a grassroot grassroots lobbying campaign happening
grassroots lobbying campaign happening
grassroots lobbying campaign happening so I’m feeling like I got it when the RA
so I’m feeling like I got it when the RA
so I’m feeling like I got it when the RA calls my name I’m feeling pretty
calls my name I’m feeling pretty
calls my name I’m feeling pretty confident until she shows me my list now
confident until she shows me my list now
confident until she shows me my list now my head is going to explode again I have
my head is going to explode again I have
my head is going to explode again I have been cut from every single house that I
been cut from every single house that I
been cut from every single house that I want to get into but this time it’s much
want to get into but this time it’s much
want to get into but this time it’s much worse because this time I have been
worse because this time I have been
worse because this time I have been blackballed by girls who know me I’m
blackballed by girls who know me I’m
blackballed by girls who know me I’m devastated
devastated
devastated now I get that this is a first-world
now I get that this is a first-world
now I get that this is a first-world problem we’re getting cut from sorority
problem we’re getting cut from sorority
problem we’re getting cut from sorority rush I get that but at 18 and 19 years
rush I get that but at 18 and 19 years
rush I get that but at 18 and 19 years old this is my world and I have been
old this is my world and I have been
old this is my world and I have been rejected from the sisterhood I’m
rejected from the sisterhood I’m
rejected from the sisterhood I’m humiliated humiliation is a powerful
humiliated humiliation is a powerful
humiliated humiliation is a powerful emotion it’s a cousin to embarrassment
emotion it’s a cousin to embarrassment
emotion it’s a cousin to embarrassment but it cuts much deeper you see
but it cuts much deeper you see
but it cuts much deeper you see embarrassment is something that we bring
embarrassment is something that we bring
embarrassment is something that we bring upon ourselves and that we can often
upon ourselves and that we can often
upon ourselves and that we can often joke about later but humiliation is
joke about later but humiliation is
joke about later but humiliation is brought upon us by others fundamentally
brought upon us by others fundamentally
brought upon us by others fundamentally humiliation is a loss of our pride and
humiliation is a loss of our pride and
humiliation is a loss of our pride and our dignity the human experience of
our dignity the human experience of
our dignity the human experience of humiliation goes back to primitive times
humiliation goes back to primitive times
humiliation goes back to primitive times when we are hunters gatherers living in
when we are hunters gatherers living in
when we are hunters gatherers living in tribes social ostracism pretty much
tribes social ostracism pretty much
tribes social ostracism pretty much meant death we physically couldn’t
meant death we physically couldn’t
meant death we physically couldn’t survive on our own rejection triggers
survive on our own rejection triggers
survive on our own rejection triggers the same emotions in us as physical pain
the same emotions in us as physical pain
the same emotions in us as physical pain does so essentially that our bodies
does so essentially that our bodies
does so essentially that our bodies create the same natural painkillers as
create the same natural painkillers as
create the same natural painkillers as if we’ve experienced physical pain so a
if we’ve experienced physical pain so a
if we’ve experienced physical pain so a broken heart can feel like a broken arm
broken heart can feel like a broken arm
broken heart can feel like a broken arm for the past couple of years when I was
for the past couple of years when I was
for the past couple of years when I was researching and writing my book fearless
researching and writing my book fearless
researching and writing my book fearless and free how smart women pivot and
and free how smart women pivot and
and free how smart women pivot and relaunched their career careers
relaunched their career careers
relaunched their career careers something struck me as I really dug into
something struck me as I really dug into
something struck me as I really dug into why it was that some women could create
why it was that some women could create
why it was that some women could create change in their lives they could
change in their lives they could
change in their lives they could completely reinvent themselves they can
completely reinvent themselves they can
completely reinvent themselves they can do a hundred and eighty in their careers
do a hundred and eighty in their careers
do a hundred and eighty in their careers they can launch businesses it all came
they can launch businesses it all came
they can launch businesses it all came down to one thing
down to one thing
down to one thing confidence I wondered why it was that
confidence I wondered why it was that
confidence I wondered why it was that some people could just sort of push
some people could just sort of push
some people could just sort of push through all of those anxieties and fears
through all of those anxieties and fears
through all of those anxieties and fears and make some change for themselves
and make some change for themselves
and make some change for themselves make some movement while other people
make some movement while other people
make some movement while other people really got stuck they get mired in their
really got stuck they get mired in their
really got stuck they get mired in their own anxieties and insecurities I also
own anxieties and insecurities I also
own anxieties and insecurities I also wondered why it was that some people
wondered why it was that some people
wondered why it was that some people just seemed to exude confidence right
just seemed to exude confidence right
just seemed to exude confidence right like are they wired that way and is
like are they wired that way and is
like are they wired that way and is there a gender difference going on are
there a gender difference going on are
there a gender difference going on are men actually more confident than women
men actually more confident than women
men actually more confident than women so what I found was really fascinating
so what I found was really fascinating
so what I found was really fascinating it does seem that there is an
it does seem that there is an
it does seem that there is an inheritable trait and confidence and
inheritable trait and confidence and
inheritable trait and confidence and that some of us are predisposed to
that some of us are predisposed to
that some of us are predisposed to confidence and there is also a hormonal
confidence and there is also a hormonal
confidence and there is also a hormonal connection it looks like an increase in
connection it looks like an increase in
connection it looks like an increase in top testosterone can increase your
top testosterone can increase your
top testosterone can increase your confidence so men may have a biological
confidence so men may have a biological
confidence so men may have a biological edge on confidence but what I also found
edge on confidence but what I also found
edge on confidence but what I also found that was really empowering especially
that was really empowering especially
that was really empowering especially for those of us who may not have hit the
for those of us who may not have hit the
for those of us who may not have hit the genetic lottery when it comes to
genetic lottery when it comes to
genetic lottery when it comes to confidence confidence is like a muscle
confidence confidence is like a muscle
confidence confidence is like a muscle that we can grow when we can cultivate
that we can grow when we can cultivate
that we can grow when we can cultivate and the fastest way to make that happen
and the fastest way to make that happen
and the fastest way to make that happen is to take risks to put ourselves out
is to take risks to put ourselves out
is to take risks to put ourselves out there the Navy SEALs has a great
there the Navy SEALs has a great
there the Navy SEALs has a great expression get comfortable being
expression get comfortable being
expression get comfortable being uncomfortable and I love that and of
uncomfortable and I love that and of
uncomfortable and I love that and of course it’s for the Navy SEALs but it’s
course it’s for the Navy SEALs but it’s
course it’s for the Navy SEALs but it’s really something that speaks to all of
really something that speaks to all of
really something that speaks to all of us because it’s in those uncomfortable
us because it’s in those uncomfortable
us because it’s in those uncomfortable places where the greatest growth can
places where the greatest growth can
places where the greatest growth can occur the greatest confidence can
occur the greatest confidence can
occur the greatest confidence can develop so as I was looking at
develop so as I was looking at
develop so as I was looking at confidence as I was
confidence as I was
confidence as I was my book I was also looking at failure
my book I was also looking at failure
my book I was also looking at failure and I was really intrigued to discover
and I was really intrigued to discover
and I was really intrigued to discover the connection between confidence and
the connection between confidence and
the connection between confidence and failure I was looking at women who had
failure I was looking at women who had
failure I was looking at women who had rebounded from failure you see I have an
rebounded from failure you see I have an
rebounded from failure you see I have an intimate relationship with failure it’s
intimate relationship with failure it’s
intimate relationship with failure it’s not just my epic fail from sorority rush
not just my epic fail from sorority rush
not just my epic fail from sorority rush in fact I would not be standing here
in fact I would not be standing here
in fact I would not be standing here today if I hadn’t failed as many times
today if I hadn’t failed as many times
today if I hadn’t failed as many times as I have now to be clear I’ve had a
as I have now to be clear I’ve had a
as I have now to be clear I’ve had a really robust career I’ve done a lot of
really robust career I’ve done a lot of
really robust career I’ve done a lot of interesting things at 21 years old I was
interesting things at 21 years old I was
interesting things at 21 years old I was a Capitol Hill press secretary I’m
a Capitol Hill press secretary I’m
a Capitol Hill press secretary I’m pretty sure I was a youngest press
pretty sure I was a youngest press
pretty sure I was a youngest press secretary on the hill I think I was also
secretary on the hill I think I was also
secretary on the hill I think I was also the lowest paid I was also TV news
the lowest paid I was also TV news
the lowest paid I was also TV news producer I’ve written two books I worked
producer I’ve written two books I worked
producer I’ve written two books I worked in PR and in a very random move I was
in PR and in a very random move I was
in PR and in a very random move I was the on-air spokesperson for TripAdvisor
the on-air spokesperson for TripAdvisor
the on-air spokesperson for TripAdvisor so I like to say that I’m not a travel
so I like to say that I’m not a travel
so I like to say that I’m not a travel expert but I did play one on TV but I’ve
expert but I did play one on TV but I’ve
expert but I did play one on TV but I’ve also lost my job I’ve been fired a
also lost my job I’ve been fired a
also lost my job I’ve been fired a couple of times so I really understand
couple of times so I really understand
couple of times so I really understand failure and by the way it can suck it is
failure and by the way it can suck it is
failure and by the way it can suck it is not so comfortable but that is also why
not so comfortable but that is also why
not so comfortable but that is also why I think I’m fascinated with the failure
I think I’m fascinated with the failure
I think I’m fascinated with the failure fetish that exists in Silicon Valley you
fetish that exists in Silicon Valley you
fetish that exists in Silicon Valley you see there they have reimagined failure
see there they have reimagined failure
see there they have reimagined failure as a sign of success there the boys in
as a sign of success there the boys in
as a sign of success there the boys in the hoodies who burned through millions
the hoodies who burned through millions
the hoodies who burned through millions of dollars of venture capital cash all
of dollars of venture capital cash all
of dollars of venture capital cash all in the name of disrupting industries and
in the name of disrupting industries and
in the name of disrupting industries and changing the world they’re not hiding
changing the world they’re not hiding
changing the world they’re not hiding under Iraq when their companies blow up
under Iraq when their companies blow up
under Iraq when their companies blow up oh no
oh no
oh no there are celebrated it is a notch in
there are celebrated it is a notch in
there are celebrated it is a notch in the belt it is a badge of honor it is a
the belt it is a badge of honor it is a
the belt it is a badge of honor it is a respected part of the journey but it is
respected part of the journey but it is
respected part of the journey but it is not a journey that most women are
not a journey that most women are
not a journey that most women are comfortable with so why is that well we
comfortable with so why is that well we
comfortable with so why is that well we hear all the time that women don’t like
hear all the time that women don’t like
hear all the time that women don’t like to fail that were raised to be perfect
to fail that were raised to be perfect
to fail that were raised to be perfect we’re applauded when we’re perfect and
we’re applauded when we’re perfect and
we’re applauded when we’re perfect and we’re not taking the risks that men do
we’re not taking the risks that men do
we’re not taking the risks that men do the tons of studies support this so
the tons of studies support this so
the tons of studies support this so we’re not blowing things up and
we’re not blowing things up and
we’re not blowing things up and disrupting we’ve been playing it safe
disrupting we’ve been playing it safe
disrupting we’ve been playing it safe but the good news is it seems like we’re
but the good news is it seems like we’re
but the good news is it seems like we’re in the midst of a cultural shift we’re
in the midst of a cultural shift we’re
in the midst of a cultural shift we’re raising strong fearless girls with grit
raising strong fearless girls with grit
raising strong fearless girls with grit it’s become a social imperative if not
it’s become a social imperative if not
it’s become a social imperative if not an all-out battle cry in certain circles
an all-out battle cry in certain circles
an all-out battle cry in certain circles feminism has even had a makeover when I
feminism has even had a makeover when I
feminism has even had a makeover when I went to college feminism was fringe and
went to college feminism was fringe and
went to college feminism was fringe and frumpy and radical but today it’s
frumpy and radical but today it’s
frumpy and radical but today it’s fashionable with its t-shirts anise
fashionable with its t-shirts anise
fashionable with its t-shirts anise celebrities and it’s bumper stickers and
celebrities and it’s bumper stickers and
celebrities and it’s bumper stickers and even Madison Avenue has gotten into
even Madison Avenue has gotten into
even Madison Avenue has gotten into feminism they actually call it femme
feminism they actually call it femme
feminism they actually call it femme Verizon campaigns now where they’re
Verizon campaigns now where they’re
Verizon campaigns now where they’re celebrating girl power images and
celebrating girl power images and
celebrating girl power images and unapologetic women and this is great
unapologetic women and this is great
unapologetic women and this is great right this is really inspiring but what
right this is really inspiring but what
right this is really inspiring but what else what else can we be doing aside
else what else can we be doing aside
else what else can we be doing aside from not praising girls when they’re
from not praising girls when they’re
from not praising girls when they’re perfect I think there’s another P word
perfect I think there’s another P word
perfect I think there’s another P word it’s not just perfect I think the other
it’s not just perfect I think the other
it’s not just perfect I think the other P word is polite we need to stop
P word is polite we need to stop
P word is polite we need to stop demanding that girls are so polite that
demanding that girls are so polite that
demanding that girls are so polite that they be the nice girl the sweet girl the
they be the nice girl the sweet girl the
they be the nice girl the sweet girl the good girl that they not stand up that
good girl that they not stand up that
good girl that they not stand up that they not be controversial that they not
they not be controversial that they not
they not be controversial that they not offend I think that the polite girl who
offend I think that the polite girl who
offend I think that the polite girl who asks for permission is that odds with
asks for permission is that odds with
asks for permission is that odds with the disruptive girl who takes risks and
the disruptive girl who takes risks and
the disruptive girl who takes risks and goes all in and yes she’s gonna fail and
goes all in and yes she’s gonna fail and
goes all in and yes she’s gonna fail and she may fail hard and she may even be
she may fail hard and she may even be
she may fail hard and she may even be humiliated but it’s in that humiliation
humiliated but it’s in that humiliation
humiliated but it’s in that humiliation that she finds her spirit in her
that she finds her spirit in her
that she finds her spirit in her strength and herself I think that today
strength and herself I think that today
strength and herself I think that today some of our most influential role models
some of our most influential role models
some of our most influential role models are women who have shown us their their
are women who have shown us their their
are women who have shown us their their strength and courage in the face of
strength and courage in the face of
strength and courage in the face of humiliation there’s probably no one in
humiliation there’s probably no one in
humiliation there’s probably no one in pop culture her better represents bold
pop culture her better represents bold
pop culture her better represents bold exquisite fierce womanhood than our
exquisite fierce womanhood than our
exquisite fierce womanhood than our queen bee Beyonce look hurt our swagger
queen bee Beyonce look hurt our swagger
queen bee Beyonce look hurt our swagger is like bouncing off of that bodysuit
is like bouncing off of that bodysuit
is like bouncing off of that bodysuit she sweats confidence and in 2016 the
she sweats confidence and in 2016 the
she sweats confidence and in 2016 the internet pretty much exploded with
internet pretty much exploded with
internet pretty much exploded with rumors of her husband jay-z cheating on
rumors of her husband jay-z cheating on
rumors of her husband jay-z cheating on her right I mean that is of the most
her right I mean that is of the most
her right I mean that is of the most personal type of humiliation and what
personal type of humiliation and what
personal type of humiliation and what did she do she turned it all into a
did she do she turned it all into a
did she do she turned it all into a Grammy award-winning album lemonade she
Grammy award-winning album lemonade she
Grammy award-winning album lemonade she reclaimed her story and wrote her lyrics
reclaimed her story and wrote her lyrics
reclaimed her story and wrote her lyrics and wrote her narrative and she truly
and wrote her narrative and she truly
and wrote her narrative and she truly made lemonade out of lemons and then
made lemonade out of lemons and then
made lemonade out of lemons and then there’s Hillary Clinton even my mention
there’s Hillary Clinton even my mention
there’s Hillary Clinton even my mention of Hillary is like a third rail she’s
of Hillary is like a third rail she’s
of Hillary is like a third rail she’s been more scorned more disdain more
been more scorned more disdain more
been more scorned more disdain more humiliated than any modern figure and
humiliated than any modern figure and
humiliated than any modern figure and yet like a phoenix rising from the ashes
yet like a phoenix rising from the ashes
yet like a phoenix rising from the ashes she is rebounded time and time again and
she is rebounded time and time again and
she is rebounded time and time again and in the most unexpected twist to her
in the most unexpected twist to her
in the most unexpected twist to her losing the presidency millions of women
losing the presidency millions of women
losing the presidency millions of women organ
organ
organ in marched and all around her loss they
in marched and all around her loss they
in marched and all around her loss they found their voice they found strength in
found their voice they found strength in
found their voice they found strength in her defeat I think we’re in the midst of
her defeat I think we’re in the midst of
her defeat I think we’re in the midst of definitely a moment if not a mini
definitely a moment if not a mini
definitely a moment if not a mini revolution where from Hollywood to
revolution where from Hollywood to
revolution where from Hollywood to Silicon Valley to the news media to Wall
Silicon Valley to the news media to Wall
Silicon Valley to the news media to Wall Street women are coming forward and
Street women are coming forward and
Street women are coming forward and sharing their stories of humiliation
sharing their stories of humiliation
sharing their stories of humiliation whether it’s gender discrimination or
whether it’s gender discrimination or
whether it’s gender discrimination or sexual harassment or sexual assault
sexual harassment or sexual assault
sexual harassment or sexual assault they are reclaiming their stories
they are reclaiming their stories
they are reclaiming their stories sharing them getting stronger in
sharing them getting stronger in
sharing them getting stronger in rewriting the ending so at first you may
rewriting the ending so at first you may
rewriting the ending so at first you may think that confidence is crushed because
think that confidence is crushed because
think that confidence is crushed because of humiliation and I don’t think there’s
of humiliation and I don’t think there’s
of humiliation and I don’t think there’s any parent out there who hopes and
any parent out there who hopes and
any parent out there who hopes and wishes that their child be humiliated
wishes that their child be humiliated
wishes that their child be humiliated and I don’t think there’s anyone sitting
and I don’t think there’s anyone sitting
and I don’t think there’s anyone sitting out here who’s hoping for a humiliating
out here who’s hoping for a humiliating
out here who’s hoping for a humiliating experience themselves but it is in that
experience themselves but it is in that
experience themselves but it is in that moment that we realize that we can
moment that we realize that we can
moment that we realize that we can survive and that it’s not going to be
survive and that it’s not going to be
survive and that it’s not going to be comfortable but it will be
comfortable but it will be
comfortable but it will be transformative so what if we all had a
transformative so what if we all had a
transformative so what if we all had a little bit of a failure fetish what if
little bit of a failure fetish what if
little bit of a failure fetish what if we all embraced it as you know part of
we all embraced it as you know part of
we all embraced it as you know part of our journey
our journey
our journey think about how liberating it would be
think about how liberating it would be
think about how liberating it would be to not fear judgment and not fear being
to not fear judgment and not fear being
to not fear judgment and not fear being humiliated super meaning would be to
humiliated super meaning would be to
humiliated super meaning would be to feel like you can go all-in and fail
feel like you can go all-in and fail
feel like you can go all-in and fail when I was writing my book fearless and
when I was writing my book fearless and
when I was writing my book fearless and free people would ask me all of the time
free people would ask me all of the time
free people would ask me all of the time where did my fearlessness come from
where did my fearlessness come from
where did my fearlessness come from where did my confidence come from and
where did my confidence come from and
where did my confidence come from and honestly I never had a great answer and
honestly I never had a great answer and
honestly I never had a great answer and then one night I was taking a shower and
then one night I was taking a shower and
then one night I was taking a shower and I had this epiphany and I swear I’m not
I had this epiphany and I swear I’m not
I had this epiphany and I swear I’m not making this up these are where my
making this up these are where my
making this up these are where my epiphanies happen in the shower and I
epiphanies happen in the shower and I
epiphanies happen in the shower and I really thought it all circled back to
really thought it all circled back to
really thought it all circled back to sorority rush now I know that sounds
sorority rush now I know that sounds
sorority rush now I know that sounds sort of crazy but it was in that moment
sort of crazy but it was in that moment
sort of crazy but it was in that moment of getting cut from houses two years in
of getting cut from houses two years in
of getting cut from houses two years in a row where I realized I didn’t have a
a row where I realized I didn’t have a
a row where I realized I didn’t have a squad of girls behind me I didn’t have a
squad of girls behind me I didn’t have a
squad of girls behind me I didn’t have a tribe but I didn’t perish like our
tribe but I didn’t perish like our
tribe but I didn’t perish like our caveman ancestors did I learned to lean
caveman ancestors did I learned to lean
caveman ancestors did I learned to lean into myself and I found more strength
into myself and I found more strength
into myself and I found more strength than myself than I think I probably ever
than myself than I think I probably ever
than myself than I think I probably ever realized and I was no longer afraid to
realized and I was no longer afraid to
realized and I was no longer afraid to fail or be humiliated that had already
fail or be humiliated that had already
fail or be humiliated that had already happened so I want to end with one of my
happened so I want to end with one of my
happened so I want to end with one of my favorite female Hollywood screenwriters
favorite female Hollywood screenwriters
favorite female Hollywood screenwriters directors she knew something about
directors she knew something about
directors she knew something about humiliation – she wrote a best-selling
humiliation – she wrote a best-selling
humiliation – she wrote a best-selling novel
novel
novel burn that then became a ward winning
burn that then became a ward winning
burn that then became a ward winning movie she also was really known for
movie she also was really known for
movie she also was really known for writing strong female smart funny
writing strong female smart funny
writing strong female smart funny characters the amazing Nora Ephron and
characters the amazing Nora Ephron and
characters the amazing Nora Ephron and she says above all be the heroine of
she says above all be the heroine of
she says above all be the heroine of your life not the victim thank you so
your life not the victim thank you so
your life not the victim thank you so much
much
much [Applause]
”
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