[Applause] bezel Vander Kolk an American
bezel Vander Kolk an American
bezel Vander Kolk an American psychiatrist said that the parent-child
psychiatrist said that the parent-child
psychiatrist said that the parent-child connection is the most powerful mental
connection is the most powerful mental
connection is the most powerful mental health intervention known to mankind and
health intervention known to mankind and
health intervention known to mankind and that really echoes and really resonates
that really echoes and really resonates
that really echoes and really resonates with the clinical work that I’ve done
with the clinical work that I’ve done
with the clinical work that I’ve done but I’m going to extend and expand that
but I’m going to extend and expand that
but I’m going to extend and expand that to all relationships are the most
to all relationships are the most
to all relationships are the most powerful mental health intervention
powerful mental health intervention
powerful mental health intervention known to mankind and we’re not I talk
known to mankind and we’re not I talk
known to mankind and we’re not I talk about relationships
about relationships
about relationships I’m talking about relationships on the
I’m talking about relationships on the
I’m talking about relationships on the wider front relationships to our bodies
wider front relationships to our bodies
wider front relationships to our bodies relationships to our mind relationships
relationships to our mind relationships
relationships to our mind relationships to behavior and relationships to society
to behavior and relationships to society
to behavior and relationships to society as a clinical psychologist I’ve been so
as a clinical psychologist I’ve been so
as a clinical psychologist I’ve been so privileged to work with people from
privileged to work with people from
privileged to work with people from survivors the Rwandan genocide to asylum
survivors the Rwandan genocide to asylum
survivors the Rwandan genocide to asylum seeking young people to those who have
seeking young people to those who have
seeking young people to those who have experienced sexual abuse physical abuse
experienced sexual abuse physical abuse
experienced sexual abuse physical abuse and neglect and I have to say I’m yet to
and neglect and I have to say I’m yet to
and neglect and I have to say I’m yet to witness one of those situations that
witness one of those situations that
witness one of those situations that hasn’t been significantly influenced by
hasn’t been significantly influenced by
hasn’t been significantly influenced by relationships because relationships
relationships because relationships
relationships because relationships shape who we are so let’s just zoom in a
shape who we are so let’s just zoom in a
shape who we are so let’s just zoom in a little bit to one of those relationships
little bit to one of those relationships
little bit to one of those relationships I’ve got baby Sasha and baby Sasha looks
I’ve got baby Sasha and baby Sasha looks
I’ve got baby Sasha and baby Sasha looks at me and she smiles and so we think
at me and she smiles and so we think
at me and she smiles and so we think twinkle twinkle little star and she
twinkle twinkle little star and she
twinkle twinkle little star and she loves twinkle twinkle little star so I
loves twinkle twinkle little star so I
loves twinkle twinkle little star so I sing it again and then it’s a bit much
sing it again and then it’s a bit much
sing it again and then it’s a bit much because baby’s a bit overstimulated so I
because baby’s a bit overstimulated so I
because baby’s a bit overstimulated so I say oh okay we’ve had enough of twinkle
say oh okay we’ve had enough of twinkle
say oh okay we’ve had enough of twinkle twinkle little star and then a few hours
twinkle little star and then a few hours
twinkle little star and then a few hours later baby starts screaming and crying
later baby starts screaming and crying
later baby starts screaming and crying and I say Oh sweetie what’s wrong you
and I say Oh sweetie what’s wrong you
and I say Oh sweetie what’s wrong you can’t be hungry I’ve just fed you Oh yep
can’t be hungry I’ve just fed you Oh yep
can’t be hungry I’ve just fed you Oh yep I can smell what you’ve given to me
I can smell what you’ve given to me
I can smell what you’ve given to me let’s change that and we get her and she
let’s change that and we get her and she
let’s change that and we get her and she goes kick kick kick and I give raspberry
goes kick kick kick and I give raspberry
goes kick kick kick and I give raspberry kisses oh you’re all nice and clean come
kisses oh you’re all nice and clean come
kisses oh you’re all nice and clean come to me
to me
to me it’s these parent-child serve and return
it’s these parent-child serve and return
it’s these parent-child serve and return interactions that start teaching
interactions that start teaching
interactions that start teaching children about the guiding principles
children about the guiding principles
children about the guiding principles things like trust things like safety
things like trust things like safety
things like trust things like safety things like how to invest in reciprocal
things like how to invest in reciprocal
things like how to invest in reciprocal relationships
relationships
relationships those interruptions start to show
those interruptions start to show
those interruptions start to show children their Maps their guides and
children their Maps their guides and
children their Maps their guides and their kaleidoscopes of how to see
their kaleidoscopes of how to see
their kaleidoscopes of how to see themselves others and the world baby
themselves others and the world baby
themselves others and the world baby Sasha who was enveloped in love is
Sasha who was enveloped in love is
Sasha who was enveloped in love is likely to think I’m lovable I’m
likely to think I’m lovable I’m
likely to think I’m lovable I’m important other people are worth
important other people are worth
important other people are worth investing in other people are
investing in other people are
investing in other people are predictable my world is a safe place and
predictable my world is a safe place and
predictable my world is a safe place and that kaleidoscope is going to color her
that kaleidoscope is going to color her
that kaleidoscope is going to color her future interactions it’s going to color
future interactions it’s going to color
future interactions it’s going to color the way that she operates in the world
the way that she operates in the world
the way that she operates in the world but imagine in the context of trauma
but imagine in the context of trauma
but imagine in the context of trauma where children haven’t had those
where children haven’t had those
where children haven’t had those beautiful emotional exchanges those
beautiful emotional exchanges those
beautiful emotional exchanges those serve and return imagine how you would
serve and return imagine how you would
serve and return imagine how you would look at the world differently if you
look at the world differently if you
look at the world differently if you thought I’m unlovable
thought I’m unlovable
thought I’m unlovable I’m disposable the world is a dangerous
I’m disposable the world is a dangerous
I’m disposable the world is a dangerous unpredictable place other people are out
unpredictable place other people are out
unpredictable place other people are out to get me which is why we’ve truly need
to get me which is why we’ve truly need
to get me which is why we’ve truly need to start thinking about people’s life
to start thinking about people’s life
to start thinking about people’s life experiences and the kaleidoscope that
experiences and the kaleidoscope that
experiences and the kaleidoscope that they look at the world through and maybe
they look at the world through and maybe
they look at the world through and maybe if we would start doing that we would
if we would start doing that we would
if we would start doing that we would have a movement that shifts us away from
have a movement that shifts us away from
have a movement that shifts us away from saying what’s wrong with you that
saying what’s wrong with you that
saying what’s wrong with you that pejorative blaming statement and we
pejorative blaming statement and we
pejorative blaming statement and we actually started asking people what
actually started asking people what
actually started asking people what happened to you who are you what is your
happened to you who are you what is your
happened to you who are you what is your story
story
story what kaleidoscope do you look at the
what kaleidoscope do you look at the
what kaleidoscope do you look at the world through we need to see the person
world through we need to see the person
world through we need to see the person behind that behavior because
behind that behavior because
behind that behavior because relationships are that common theme
today the theme is mind over matter but
today the theme is mind over matter but really I’m going to be talking about the
really I’m going to be talking about the
really I’m going to be talking about the relationships that matter and I’m going
relationships that matter and I’m going
relationships that matter and I’m going to share an amazing psychological
to share an amazing psychological
to share an amazing psychological process with you that I think is
process with you that I think is
process with you that I think is extraordinary and that is that our
extraordinary and that is that our
extraordinary and that is that our brains our neural pathways our sign
brains our neural pathways our sign
brains our neural pathways our sign answers our architecture and our
answers our architecture and our
answers our architecture and our function of our brain are directly
function of our brain are directly
function of our brain are directly shaped and influenced by the environment
shaped and influenced by the environment
shaped and influenced by the environment and by relationships our brains aren’t
and by relationships our brains aren’t
and by relationships our brains aren’t born they’re not in vacuums they are
born they’re not in vacuums they are
born they’re not in vacuums they are plastic which means that they can be
plastic which means that they can be
plastic which means that they can be positively and negatively
positively and negatively
positively and negatively molded and influenced which means that
molded and influenced which means that
molded and influenced which means that all of us in this room we can all be
all of us in this room we can all be
all of us in this room we can all be brain architects we can all be brain
brain architects we can all be brain
brain architects we can all be brain sculptors because relationships either
sculptors because relationships either
sculptors because relationships either strengthen the brain or they can weaken
strengthen the brain or they can weaken
strengthen the brain or they can weaken it and if we truly then think that
it and if we truly then think that
it and if we truly then think that brains directly affect our relationships
brains directly affect our relationships
brains directly affect our relationships surely we need to put relationships at
surely we need to put relationships at
surely we need to put relationships at the focus instead of how society is
the focus instead of how society is
the focus instead of how society is moving to be less connected more
moving to be less connected more
moving to be less connected more dehumanized more focused on exams on
dehumanized more focused on exams on
dehumanized more focused on exams on outcomes of processors on machines and
outcomes of processors on machines and
outcomes of processors on machines and maybe we need to think about how we can
maybe we need to think about how we can
maybe we need to think about how we can bring relationships back into the heart
bring relationships back into the heart
bring relationships back into the heart to have those compassionate empathetic
to have those compassionate empathetic
to have those compassionate empathetic societies I’m yet to work with a young
societies I’m yet to work with a young
societies I’m yet to work with a young person who’s experienced sexual abuse
person who’s experienced sexual abuse
person who’s experienced sexual abuse physical abuse that hasn’t the common
physical abuse that hasn’t the common
physical abuse that hasn’t the common thread has been that the traumas
thread has been that the traumas
thread has been that the traumas happened during their development but
happened during their development but
happened during their development but that it’s happened by people in their
that it’s happened by people in their
that it’s happened by people in their relationships and if the traumas
relationships and if the traumas
relationships and if the traumas occurred by people in relationships then
occurred by people in relationships then
occurred by people in relationships then of course the healing has to be in the
of course the healing has to be in the
of course the healing has to be in the context of relationships because the
context of relationships because the
context of relationships because the relationships are the magic put simply
relationships are the magic put simply
relationships are the magic put simply relational trauma requires relational
relational trauma requires relational
relational trauma requires relational repair we need to model and show
repair we need to model and show
repair we need to model and show children different ways of doing
children different ways of doing
children different ways of doing relationships and different ways to be
relationships and different ways to be
relationships and different ways to be in relationships we need to show
in relationships we need to show
in relationships we need to show children that relationships can be worth
children that relationships can be worth
children that relationships can be worth and safe investing in because what
and safe investing in because what
and safe investing in because what children really need they need to be
children really need they need to be
children really need they need to be held in safe hands they need to be held
held in safe hands they need to be held
held in safe hands they need to be held in thinking minds and they need to be
in thinking minds and they need to be
in thinking minds and they need to be held in regulating bodies and by that I
held in regulating bodies and by that I
held in regulating bodies and by that I don’t just mean physically safe they
don’t just mean physically safe they
don’t just mean physically safe they need to be held in an embodied place of
need to be held in an embodied place of
need to be held in an embodied place of safety in a felt sense of safety a place
safety in a felt sense of safety a place
safety in a felt sense of safety a place imagine what it’s like what does your
imagine what it’s like what does your
imagine what it’s like what does your body feel like when it’s safe how do you
body feel like when it’s safe how do you
body feel like when it’s safe how do you know what safety is imagine what it’s
know what safety is imagine what it’s
know what safety is imagine what it’s like if you’ve never had a sense of
like if you’ve never had a sense of
like if you’ve never had a sense of safety like in the context often in
safety like in the context often in
safety like in the context often in trauma thinking minds minds that can be
trauma thinking minds minds that can be
trauma thinking minds minds that can be reflective minds that can reflect
reflective minds that can reflect
reflective minds that can reflect instead of react minds that can be the
instead of react minds that can be the
instead of react minds that can be the rainbow in that storm and regulating
rainbow in that storm and regulating
rainbow in that storm and regulating bodies both bodies that can be
bodies both bodies that can be
bodies both bodies that can be still that can be containing that can be
still that can be containing that can be
still that can be containing that can be calm that can be present without this
calm that can be present without this
calm that can be present without this without this safety and these
without this safety and these
without this safety and these relationships everything else fades into
relationships everything else fades into
relationships everything else fades into the background everything else exists on
the background everything else exists on
the background everything else exists on fragile ground they say that if a flower
fragile ground they say that if a flower
fragile ground they say that if a flower doesn’t bloom you don’t fix the flower
doesn’t bloom you don’t fix the flower
doesn’t bloom you don’t fix the flower you change the environment in which it
you change the environment in which it
you change the environment in which it grows in so really we want children to
grows in so really we want children to
grows in so really we want children to be an environment where they can
be an environment where they can
be an environment where they can flourish where they can bloom where they
flourish where they can bloom where they
flourish where they can bloom where they can breathe we want children to be in
can breathe we want children to be in
can breathe we want children to be in environments where they can thrive not
environments where they can thrive not
environments where they can thrive not just survive where they can have secure
just survive where they can have secure
just survive where they can have secure bases and safe havens we want to bring
bases and safe havens we want to bring
bases and safe havens we want to bring environments but a trauma-informed and
environments but a trauma-informed and
environments but a trauma-informed and relationship based and they shouldn’t be
relationship based and they shouldn’t be
relationship based and they shouldn’t be best practice they should be standard
best practice they should be standard
best practice they should be standard practice they should be the norm because
practice they should be the norm because
practice they should be the norm because those environments benefit everyone
those environments benefit everyone
those environments benefit everyone Peter Benson beautiful iam powerfully
Peter Benson beautiful iam powerfully
Peter Benson beautiful iam powerfully said that relationships are the very
said that relationships are the very
said that relationships are the very oxygen of human development so guys what
oxygen of human development so guys what
oxygen of human development so guys what will we breathe in
will we breathe in
will we breathe in what will we exhale what air do we want
what will we exhale what air do we want
what will we exhale what air do we want our society to breathe and what’s it
our society to breathe and what’s it
our society to breathe and what’s it like if that air is polluted and you
like if that air is polluted and you
like if that air is polluted and you know I was really really lucky that the
know I was really really lucky that the
know I was really really lucky that the air that I breathe was mostly really
air that I breathe was mostly really
air that I breathe was mostly really pure and fresh my parents were crazy
pure and fresh my parents were crazy
pure and fresh my parents were crazy about me they still are they delighted
about me they still are they delighted
about me they still are they delighted in me and that’s what children need
in me and that’s what children need
in me and that’s what children need children need someone who’s going to
children need someone who’s going to
children need someone who’s going to unconditionally adore them they were my
unconditionally adore them they were my
unconditionally adore them they were my life cheerleaders they were my safety
life cheerleaders they were my safety
life cheerleaders they were my safety net they’re here now rooting me on and I
net they’re here now rooting me on and I
net they’re here now rooting me on and I was kept in the mines and in the hearts
was kept in the mines and in the hearts
was kept in the mines and in the hearts of my parents if we think of this as a
of my parents if we think of this as a
of my parents if we think of this as a metaphor my life treasure box was full
metaphor my life treasure box was full
metaphor my life treasure box was full and spilling out with relational
and spilling out with relational
and spilling out with relational treasures relational memories relational
treasures relational memories relational
treasures relational memories relational experiences and developmental skills
experiences and developmental skills
experiences and developmental skills developmental skills like how do we
developmental skills like how do we
developmental skills like how do we regulate recognize a relationship how do
regulate recognize a relationship how do
regulate recognize a relationship how do we see what an emotion is how do we
we see what an emotion is how do we
we see what an emotion is how do we learn to soothe ourselves and my
learn to soothe ourselves and my
learn to soothe ourselves and my goodness was my treasure box adorned and
goodness was my treasure box adorned and
goodness was my treasure box adorned and decorated and held precious and my
decorated and held precious and my
decorated and held precious and my treasure box was protected and it was
treasure box was protected and it was
treasure box was protected and it was held and handled with care
held and handled with care
held and handled with care but sadly for the children that I work
but sadly for the children that I work
but sadly for the children that I work with for the children who have
with for the children who have
with for the children who have experienced various different forms of
experienced various different forms of
experienced various different forms of relational trauma and developmental
relational trauma and developmental
relational trauma and developmental trauma their treasure boxes they’re not
trauma their treasure boxes they’re not
trauma their treasure boxes they’re not empty but they very often haven’t been
empty but they very often haven’t been
empty but they very often haven’t been filled with those same relational
filled with those same relational
filled with those same relational treasures relational memories relational
treasures relational memories relational
treasures relational memories relational experiences and they certainly have not
experiences and they certainly have not
experiences and they certainly have not been protected in the same way and
been protected in the same way and
been protected in the same way and handled with care which is why we need
handled with care which is why we need
handled with care which is why we need to fill up their treasure boxes with
to fill up their treasure boxes with
to fill up their treasure boxes with millions of relational memories and
millions of relational memories and
millions of relational memories and relational treasures and developmental
relational treasures and developmental
relational treasures and developmental skills and why we truly need to see our
skills and why we truly need to see our
skills and why we truly need to see our children and hold them precious and you
children and hold them precious and you
children and hold them precious and you know what maybe if we really saw our
know what maybe if we really saw our
know what maybe if we really saw our children maybe if we really held our
children maybe if we really held our
children maybe if we really held our children in our hearts and minds maybe
children in our hearts and minds maybe
children in our hearts and minds maybe we would create a societal movement that
we would create a societal movement that
we would create a societal movement that shift away from pushing people into
shift away from pushing people into
shift away from pushing people into boxes from defining people by labels by
boxes from defining people by labels by
boxes from defining people by labels by diagnosis by just seeing a behavior and
diagnosis by just seeing a behavior and
diagnosis by just seeing a behavior and reducing someone to a behavior because
reducing someone to a behavior because
reducing someone to a behavior because would any of you want to be reduced and
would any of you want to be reduced and
would any of you want to be reduced and defined by our behavior we need to start
defined by our behavior we need to start
defined by our behavior we need to start seeing and connecting with the person
seeing and connecting with the person
seeing and connecting with the person behind the behavior if the behavior
behind the behavior if the behavior
behind the behavior if the behavior could talk what would it say to us
could talk what would it say to us
could talk what would it say to us because behavior is communication we
because behavior is communication we
because behavior is communication we just need to start being curious and
just need to start being curious and
just need to start being curious and interested about what that behaviors
interested about what that behaviors
interested about what that behaviors telling to us so meet Nathan Nathan was
telling to us so meet Nathan Nathan was
telling to us so meet Nathan Nathan was a 16 year old boy he was involved in a
a 16 year old boy he was involved in a
a 16 year old boy he was involved in a gang he’d been arrested several times he
gang he’d been arrested several times he
gang he’d been arrested several times he had been excluded from school lots of
had been excluded from school lots of
had been excluded from school lots of times he had been in multiple foster
times he had been in multiple foster
times he had been in multiple foster placements but let’s actually think
placements but let’s actually think
placements but let’s actually think about what happened to Nathan not what’s
about what happened to Nathan not what’s
about what happened to Nathan not what’s wrong with Nathan Nathan’s first
wrong with Nathan Nathan’s first
wrong with Nathan Nathan’s first classroom his first lesson into life the
classroom his first lesson into life the
classroom his first lesson into life the womb was characterized by Dannette
womb was characterized by Dannette
womb was characterized by Dannette domestic violence he was marinated in
domestic violence he was marinated in
domestic violence he was marinated in toxic stress the war zone the the womb
toxic stress the war zone the the womb
toxic stress the war zone the the womb at times had been like a war zone for
at times had been like a war zone for
at times had been like a war zone for him and then he was born and he really
him and then he was born and he really
him and then he was born and he really his home that should have been his safe
his home that should have been his safe
his home that should have been his safe haven was more like shark-infested
haven was more like shark-infested
haven was more like shark-infested waters characterized by domestic
waters characterized by domestic
waters characterized by domestic violence
violence
violence by physical abuse imagine what that’s
by physical abuse imagine what that’s
by physical abuse imagine what that’s like being trapped feeling powerless
like being trapped feeling powerless
like being trapped feeling powerless feeling hyper-vigilant feeling on edge
feeling hyper-vigilant feeling on edge
feeling hyper-vigilant feeling on edge not sure what calm waters signify what
not sure what calm waters signify what
not sure what calm waters signify what lurks behind what I’m going to protect
lurks behind what I’m going to protect
lurks behind what I’m going to protect and say for Nathan he did what so many
and say for Nathan he did what so many
and say for Nathan he did what so many children do sometimes he went into
children do sometimes he went into
children do sometimes he went into flight mode sometimes went into fries
flight mode sometimes went into fries
flight mode sometimes went into fries but for most of the time he learnt that
but for most of the time he learnt that
but for most of the time he learnt that to survive shark-infested waters you go
to survive shark-infested waters you go
to survive shark-infested waters you go into fight mode you become like a shark
into fight mode you become like a shark
into fight mode you become like a shark you act like a shark and you go into a
you act like a shark and you go into a
you act like a shark and you go into a shark attack mode which is what he did
shark attack mode which is what he did
shark attack mode which is what he did with me with his teachers with his
with me with his teachers with his
with me with his teachers with his foster carers because for Nathan he had
foster carers because for Nathan he had
foster carers because for Nathan he had lurked that it’s better to be feared
lurked that it’s better to be feared
lurked that it’s better to be feared than to be fearful it’s better to attack
than to be fearful it’s better to attack
than to be fearful it’s better to attack than be attacked because anger is a mask
than be attacked because anger is a mask
than be attacked because anger is a mask emotion anger is a bodyguard emotion and
emotion anger is a bodyguard emotion and
emotion anger is a bodyguard emotion and anger is generally married to another
anger is generally married to another
anger is generally married to another hidden emotion like fear pain sadness
hidden emotion like fear pain sadness
hidden emotion like fear pain sadness and even when Nathan was moved into a
and even when Nathan was moved into a
and even when Nathan was moved into a different environment a swimming pool
different environment a swimming pool
different environment a swimming pool like school or foster care that
like school or foster care that
like school or foster care that environment still felt like
environment still felt like
environment still felt like shark-infested waters because those
shark-infested waters because those
shark-infested waters because those shark-infested waters were in his mind
shark-infested waters were in his mind
shark-infested waters were in his mind were in his body because trauma travels
were in his body because trauma travels
were in his body because trauma travels with you and then we say to someone like
with you and then we say to someone like
with you and then we say to someone like Nathan you just need to stop being angry
Nathan you just need to stop being angry
Nathan you just need to stop being angry or you just need to calm down well for a
or you just need to calm down well for a
or you just need to calm down well for a child who’s been marinated in toxic
child who’s been marinated in toxic
child who’s been marinated in toxic stress who hasn’t been given those
stress who hasn’t been given those
stress who hasn’t been given those skills is the equivalent of saying when
skills is the equivalent of saying when
skills is the equivalent of saying when you in shark-infested waters just do a
you in shark-infested waters just do a
you in shark-infested waters just do a queer aerobics guys just do think Rinnai
queer aerobics guys just do think Rinnai
queer aerobics guys just do think Rinnai swimming so he really did try and find
swimming so he really did try and find
swimming so he really did try and find ways to survive those shark-infested
ways to survive those shark-infested
ways to survive those shark-infested waters and thank God he did because he’s
waters and thank God he did because he’s
waters and thank God he did because he’s here with us to be the amazing boy years
here with us to be the amazing boy years
here with us to be the amazing boy years so just look at this picture and I use a
so just look at this picture and I use a
so just look at this picture and I use a lot of art in the work that I do for
lot of art in the work that I do for
lot of art in the work that I do for various reasons but because Troma is a
various reasons but because Troma is a
various reasons but because Troma is a multi-sensory experience therefore we
multi-sensory experience therefore we
multi-sensory experience therefore we need multi-sensory interventions
need multi-sensory interventions
need multi-sensory interventions whole-body whole-brain interventions the
whole-body whole-brain interventions the
whole-body whole-brain interventions the mask the red mask I said to Nathan what
mask the red mask I said to Nathan what
mask the red mask I said to Nathan what do you think other people see you as how
do you think other people see you as how
do you think other people see you as how would they describe you and he said
would they describe you and he said
would they describe you and he said things like angry GRU
things like angry GRU
things like angry GRU hard keep out skeleton monsters imagine
hard keep out skeleton monsters imagine
hard keep out skeleton monsters imagine what that’s like to feel that people
what that’s like to feel that people
what that’s like to feel that people define you in that way what that does to
define you in that way what that does to
define you in that way what that does to your sense of identity what that does to
your sense of identity what that does to
your sense of identity what that does to your self-esteem and then I asked Nathan
your self-esteem and then I asked Nathan
your self-esteem and then I asked Nathan if I saw the person behind the behavior
if I saw the person behind the behavior
if I saw the person behind the behavior if I had an emotional x-ray and I could
if I had an emotional x-ray and I could
if I had an emotional x-ray and I could truly see you what would I see and what
truly see you what would I see and what
truly see you what would I see and what he said was small scared hurt invisible
he said was small scared hurt invisible
he said was small scared hurt invisible fragile alone
fragile alone
fragile alone just think how differently I would
just think how differently I would
just think how differently I would respond to the mask on the left the mask
respond to the mask on the left the mask
respond to the mask on the left the mask on the right how different I would
on the right how different I would
on the right how different I would interact how different I would emphasize
interact how different I would emphasize
interact how different I would emphasize with Nathan Nathan wasn’t attention
with Nathan Nathan wasn’t attention
with Nathan Nathan wasn’t attention seeking he was attention needing he
seeking he was attention needing he
seeking he was attention needing he wasn’t manipulative he’d learned how to
wasn’t manipulative he’d learned how to
wasn’t manipulative he’d learned how to get his knee his needs met and you know
get his knee his needs met and you know
get his knee his needs met and you know what what we did is we worked as a whole
what what we did is we worked as a whole
what what we did is we worked as a whole team around Nathan because it takes a
team around Nathan because it takes a
team around Nathan because it takes a whole village to raise a child
whole village to raise a child
whole village to raise a child we gave him those safe hands thinking
we gave him those safe hands thinking
we gave him those safe hands thinking minds regulating bodies we filled up his
minds regulating bodies we filled up his
minds regulating bodies we filled up his treasure box over and over again and we
treasure box over and over again and we
treasure box over and over again and we took his brain to the relationship Jim
took his brain to the relationship Jim
took his brain to the relationship Jim over and over again we saw the person he
over and over again we saw the person he
over and over again we saw the person he was behind the behavior we held that
was behind the behavior we held that
was behind the behavior we held that hope for him saw the incredible
hope for him saw the incredible
hope for him saw the incredible strengths that he had and if he was
strengths that he had and if he was
strengths that he had and if he was standing here today he used different
standing here today he used different
standing here today he used different words for he would be saying those are
words for he would be saying those are
words for he would be saying those are some of the things that made a
some of the things that made a
some of the things that made a difference to him and you know what it’s
difference to him and you know what it’s
difference to him and you know what it’s children like Nathan and I could tell
children like Nathan and I could tell
children like Nathan and I could tell you hundreds of stories like Nathan that
you hundreds of stories like Nathan that
you hundreds of stories like Nathan that truly keep me in this work that are my
truly keep me in this work that are my
truly keep me in this work that are my glue that are my inspiration
glue that are my inspiration
glue that are my inspiration his survivorship and the strength of
his survivorship and the strength of
his survivorship and the strength of this human spirit is remarkable if only
this human spirit is remarkable if only
this human spirit is remarkable if only we could try and sew some of that into
we could try and sew some of that into
we could try and sew some of that into our society because I’ll tell you
our society because I’ll tell you
our society because I’ll tell you something we all could be a Nathan and
something we all could be a Nathan and
something we all could be a Nathan and we all need a Nathan in our lives and we
we all need a Nathan in our lives and we
we all need a Nathan in our lives and we could all learn from Nathan some people
could all learn from Nathan some people
could all learn from Nathan some people might be sitting in here and thinking
might be sitting in here and thinking
might be sitting in here and thinking I’ve experienced trauma traumas not
I’ve experienced trauma traumas not
I’ve experienced trauma traumas not relevant to me but just hold in mind
relevant to me but just hold in mind
relevant to me but just hold in mind that adverse life experiences trauma is
that adverse life experiences trauma is
that adverse life experiences trauma is widespread it’s an epidemic it
widespread it’s an epidemic it
widespread it’s an epidemic it basically goes into all the systems we
basically goes into all the systems we
basically goes into all the systems we operate in from our police into our
operate in from our police into our
operate in from our police into our schools into our businesses into
schools into our businesses into
schools into our businesses into politics trauma is a public health issue
politics trauma is a public health issue
politics trauma is a public health issue it affects our brains and it affects our
it affects our brains and it affects our
it affects our brains and it affects our bodies our immune systems our central
bodies our immune systems our central
bodies our immune systems our central nervous systems and beyond so just
nervous systems and beyond so just
nervous systems and beyond so just imagine what it would be like if we had
imagine what it would be like if we had
imagine what it would be like if we had a society that supported people to bloom
a society that supported people to bloom
a society that supported people to bloom if we had a society the bought people
if we had a society the bought people
if we had a society the bought people clothes and connected with them rather
clothes and connected with them rather
clothes and connected with them rather than ostracized people imagine what
than ostracized people imagine what
than ostracized people imagine what society would be like that actively
society would be like that actively
society would be like that actively encouraged emotional expression
encouraged emotional expression
encouraged emotional expression vulnerability compassion empathy
vulnerability compassion empathy
vulnerability compassion empathy connection and what’s the cost of us not
connection and what’s the cost of us not
connection and what’s the cost of us not doing that what air do we want our
doing that what air do we want our
doing that what air do we want our society to breathe so before I finish my
society to breathe so before I finish my
society to breathe so before I finish my wish for all of you is that we
wish for all of you is that we
wish for all of you is that we consciously and deliberately remember
consciously and deliberately remember
consciously and deliberately remember these things
these things
these things relational trauma requires relational
relational trauma requires relational
relational trauma requires relational repair we all can be those safe hands
repair we all can be those safe hands
repair we all can be those safe hands thinking minds and regulating bodies
thinking minds and regulating bodies
thinking minds and regulating bodies behavior is communication let’s see the
behavior is communication let’s see the
behavior is communication let’s see the person behind the behavior let’s fill
person behind the behavior let’s fill
person behind the behavior let’s fill out own treasure boxes because we want
out own treasure boxes because we want
out own treasure boxes because we want people to have the best of us not what’s
people to have the best of us not what’s
people to have the best of us not what’s left of us and let’s fill other people’s
left of us and let’s fill other people’s
left of us and let’s fill other people’s treasure boxes and let’s remember that
treasure boxes and let’s remember that
treasure boxes and let’s remember that we all contribute to the air that our
we all contribute to the air that our
we all contribute to the air that our society breathes to me those are ideas
society breathes to me those are ideas
society breathes to me those are ideas worth investing in and believing and
worth investing in and believing and
worth investing in and believing and spreading thank you
spreading thank you
spreading thank you [Applause]
”
Be First to Comment