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Go ahead and get a little lost | Crystal Ocampo-Fernandez | TEDxIWU


so I’m currently a senior here at

so I’m currently a senior here at Illinois Wesleyan and I’m a very proud

Illinois Wesleyan and I’m a very proud

Illinois Wesleyan and I’m a very proud latina first-generation college student

latina first-generation college student

latina first-generation college student which means I’m one of the first people

which means I’m one of the first people

which means I’m one of the first people in my family to go to college however I

in my family to go to college however I

in my family to go to college however I am the first person in my family to

am the first person in my family to

am the first person in my family to study abroad I took this picture

study abroad I took this picture

study abroad I took this picture actually on a plane while I was on a 12

actually on a plane while I was on a 12

actually on a plane while I was on a 12 hour plane ride to st. Petersburg Russia

hour plane ride to st. Petersburg Russia

hour plane ride to st. Petersburg Russia so if this was my first time leaving the

so if this was my first time leaving the

so if this was my first time leaving the country entirely by myself it was the

country entirely by myself it was the

country entirely by myself it was the first time I’d be leaving my family for

first time I’d be leaving my family for

first time I’d be leaving my family for more than two weeks and I didn’t realize

more than two weeks and I didn’t realize

more than two weeks and I didn’t realize it at the time but it would be the first

it at the time but it would be the first

it at the time but it would be the first time that I really would challenge

time that I really would challenge

time that I really would challenge myself by putting myself in an

myself by putting myself in an

myself by putting myself in an environment that I was not familiar with

environment that I was not familiar with

environment that I was not familiar with as well as in an environment barely

as well as in an environment barely

as well as in an environment barely understood the language see as an

understood the language see as an

understood the language see as an International Studies major in Russian

International Studies major in Russian

International Studies major in Russian minor it was a requirement that I

minor it was a requirement that I

minor it was a requirement that I studied abroad so I knew I would at some

studied abroad so I knew I would at some

studied abroad so I knew I would at some point I just didn’t know when or where

point I just didn’t know when or where

point I just didn’t know when or where yet but then the Russian minor came

yet but then the Russian minor came

yet but then the Russian minor came along and I said okay stuff here we go

along and I said okay stuff here we go

along and I said okay stuff here we go so I had taken three semesters of

so I had taken three semesters of

so I had taken three semesters of Russian language while I was here before

Russian language while I was here before

Russian language while I was here before I left so I thought I was totally good

I left so I thought I was totally good

I left so I thought I was totally good like I knew Russian you know and then I

like I knew Russian you know and then I

like I knew Russian you know and then I got there and then I had a host family

got there and then I had a host family

got there and then I had a host family that spoke no English and I realized

that spoke no English and I realized

that spoke no English and I realized that I only knew survival skill Russian

that I only knew survival skill Russian

that I only knew survival skill Russian so I could tell you hello my name is

so I could tell you hello my name is

so I could tell you hello my name is where’s the toilet all those great

where’s the toilet all those great

where’s the toilet all those great things but then once I got beyond that I

things but then once I got beyond that I

things but then once I got beyond that I had no clue especially because it was

had no clue especially because it was

had no clue especially because it was rapid-fire Russian that Russian speak so

rapid-fire Russian that Russian speak so

rapid-fire Russian that Russian speak so it was an incredible incredible study

it was an incredible incredible study

it was an incredible incredible study abroad opportunity that I was able to go

abroad opportunity that I was able to go

abroad opportunity that I was able to go on and the four months by way way too

on and the four months by way way too

on and the four months by way way too quickly so under in December December

quickly so under in December December

quickly so under in December December 18th to be exact I was on that 12 hour

18th to be exact I was on that 12 hour

18th to be exact I was on that 12 hour plane ride back home to the United

plane ride back home to the United

plane ride back home to the United States and I’m sure everyone on that

States and I’m sure everyone on that

States and I’m sure everyone on that plane was already looking forward to

plane was already looking forward to

plane was already looking forward to getting back to the u.s. getting back to

getting back to the u.s. getting back to

getting back to the u.s. getting back to their jobs going back to school but I

their jobs going back to school but I

their jobs going back to school but I was just trying to figure out how I

was just trying to figure out how I

was just trying to figure out how I could go back to st. Petersburg because

could go back to st. Petersburg because

could go back to st. Petersburg because I loved it there even though we were

I loved it there even though we were

I loved it there even though we were only a couple of hours out on that plane

only a couple of hours out on that plane

only a couple of hours out on that plane ride I already missed st. Petersburg

ride I already missed st. Petersburg

ride I already missed st. Petersburg I missed the city I missed the metro I

I missed the city I missed the metro I

I missed the city I missed the metro I missed the lights

missed the lights

missed the lights I missed the buses I missed the language

I missed the buses I missed the language

I missed the buses I missed the language that was sometimes easy to understand

that was sometimes easy to understand

that was sometimes easy to understand and sometimes really hard to understand

and sometimes really hard to understand

and sometimes really hard to understand and then I realized that out of

and then I realized that out of

and then I realized that out of everything the the thing that I missed

everything the the thing that I missed

everything the the thing that I missed the most was getting lost and I got lost

the most was getting lost and I got lost

the most was getting lost and I got lost a lot because Russian uses a Cyrillic

a lot because Russian uses a Cyrillic

a lot because Russian uses a Cyrillic alphabet and some of their metro

alphabet and some of their metro

alphabet and some of their metro stations and some of their bus stops

stations and some of their bus stops

stations and some of their bus stops look exactly the same

look exactly the same

look exactly the same in my opinion and so I would get on the

in my opinion and so I would get on the

in my opinion and so I would get on the bus or I get on the metro trying to go

bus or I get on the metro trying to go

bus or I get on the metro trying to go somewhere and I’d end up going in the

somewhere and I’d end up going in the

somewhere and I’d end up going in the exact opposite direction and I would end

exact opposite direction and I would end

exact opposite direction and I would end up 20 minutes out of the way and

up 20 minutes out of the way and

up 20 minutes out of the way and definitely not at the destination I was

definitely not at the destination I was

definitely not at the destination I was trying to reach but it was those moments

trying to reach but it was those moments

trying to reach but it was those moments of getting lost in the city and finding

of getting lost in the city and finding

of getting lost in the city and finding myself in a new part of town and

myself in a new part of town and

myself in a new part of town and exploring and meeting new people seeing

exploring and meeting new people seeing

exploring and meeting new people seeing new things that really made that

new things that really made that

new things that really made that experience worth it I remember one of

experience worth it I remember one of

experience worth it I remember one of the times that my friends and I were on

the times that my friends and I were on

the times that my friends and I were on a mission to go find a donkey Nietzsche

a mission to go find a donkey Nietzsche

a mission to go find a donkey Nietzsche which translates into book house or

which translates into book house or

which translates into book house or house of books I felt like that and we

house of books I felt like that and we

house of books I felt like that and we didn’t have an exact address for it we

didn’t have an exact address for it we

didn’t have an exact address for it we were just kind of told about it and

were just kind of told about it and

were just kind of told about it and we’re like that’d be cool to go check

we’re like that’d be cool to go check

we’re like that’d be cool to go check out so we hopped on the metro and got

out so we hopped on the metro and got

out so we hopped on the metro and got off at the metro stop that they told us

off at the metro stop that they told us

off at the metro stop that they told us to get off on and we just started

to get off on and we just started

to get off on and we just started exploring we just started walking down

exploring we just started walking down

exploring we just started walking down the street making random turns and

the street making random turns and

the street making random turns and eventually we were like okay we don’t

eventually we were like okay we don’t

eventually we were like okay we don’t see the dome Kenichi so we decided to go

see the dome Kenichi so we decided to go

see the dome Kenichi so we decided to go inside a Russian grocery store and we

inside a Russian grocery store and we

inside a Russian grocery store and we asked the store keepers if they knew

asked the store keepers if they knew

asked the store keepers if they knew where the dome genuki was and

where the dome genuki was and

where the dome genuki was and unfortunately they said that I had

unfortunately they said that I had

unfortunately they said that I had already been destroyed or it no longer

already been destroyed or it no longer

already been destroyed or it no longer existed so we were a little upset

existed so we were a little upset

existed so we were a little upset because we were literally looking

because we were literally looking

because we were literally looking forward to it but we were like okay

forward to it but we were like okay

forward to it but we were like okay that’s fine we’re just gonna keep

that’s fine we’re just gonna keep

that’s fine we’re just gonna keep exploring then so we left and we just

exploring then so we left and we just

exploring then so we left and we just took some more turns kept walking I saw

took some more turns kept walking I saw

took some more turns kept walking I saw a lot of really and then when we were

a lot of really and then when we were

a lot of really and then when we were near the bank of the neva river we saw

near the bank of the neva river we saw

near the bank of the neva river we saw this big building maybe three or four

this big building maybe three or four

this big building maybe three or four storeys tall and there was a lot of

storeys tall and there was a lot of

storeys tall and there was a lot of people coming in and out of it and above

people coming in and out of it and above

people coming in and out of it and above the building if there was a sign that

the building if there was a sign that

the building if there was a sign that said dome cool duty which translates

said dome cool duty which translates

said dome cool duty which translates into house of culture and we’re like

into house of culture and we’re like

into house of culture and we’re like okay this sounds cool let’s go check

okay this sounds cool let’s go check

okay this sounds cool let’s go check this out and it was the most incredible

this out and it was the most incredible

this out and it was the most incredible place in my opinion it was awesome

place in my opinion it was awesome

place in my opinion it was awesome and it quickly became one of my favorite

and it quickly became one of my favorite

and it quickly became one of my favorite places in saint-petersburg because it

places in saint-petersburg because it

places in saint-petersburg because it was a giant indoor flea market basically

was a giant indoor flea market basically

was a giant indoor flea market basically and there was so many Russian people

and there was so many Russian people

and there was so many Russian people they’re selling their handmade crafts

they’re selling their handmade crafts

they’re selling their handmade crafts and scarves and chess sets and literally

and scarves and chess sets and literally

and scarves and chess sets and literally everything you can imagine and it was

everything you can imagine and it was

everything you can imagine and it was also a great opportunity to practice a

also a great opportunity to practice a

also a great opportunity to practice a Russian and since I went so often I got

Russian and since I went so often I got

Russian and since I went so often I got to know some of the people and I was

to know some of the people and I was

to know some of the people and I was able to talk to them and when I ever I

able to talk to them and when I ever I

able to talk to them and when I ever I met new people I would talk to them

met new people I would talk to them

met new people I would talk to them new Russian skills that I was slowly but

new Russian skills that I was slowly but

new Russian skills that I was slowly but surely learning and they actually

surely learning and they actually

surely learning and they actually thought that I was Russian they thought

thought that I was Russian they thought

thought that I was Russian they thought I was from like Kazakhstan or something

I was from like Kazakhstan or something

I was from like Kazakhstan or something and then I got past the Russian that I

and then I got past the Russian that I

and then I got past the Russian that I knew and they’re like oh you’re not from

knew and they’re like oh you’re not from

knew and they’re like oh you’re not from here and I said yes

here and I said yes

here and I said yes you’re right but I’m trying and that was

you’re right but I’m trying and that was

you’re right but I’m trying and that was the most important part so these were

the most important part so these were

the most important part so these were the things that I was remembering when I

the things that I was remembering when I

the things that I was remembering when I was on that 12-hour plane ride home so I

was on that 12-hour plane ride home so I

was on that 12-hour plane ride home so I was thinking about everything that I was

was thinking about everything that I was

was thinking about everything that I was leaving behind because I was four short

leaving behind because I was four short

leaving behind because I was four short months saint-peter’s heard see ears

months saint-peter’s heard see ears

months saint-peter’s heard see ears birth can be home to me but I was also

birth can be home to me but I was also

birth can be home to me but I was also thinking ahead because the only reason I

thinking ahead because the only reason I

thinking ahead because the only reason I was able to study abroad was because of

was able to study abroad was because of

was able to study abroad was because of some really great for scholarships that

some really great for scholarships that

some really great for scholarships that I was able to get if it hadn’t been for

I was able to get if it hadn’t been for

I was able to get if it hadn’t been for that I wouldn’t have been able to fund

that I wouldn’t have been able to fund

that I wouldn’t have been able to fund my trip the results of one of those

my trip the results of one of those

my trip the results of one of those scholarships required me to do a

scholarships required me to do a

scholarships required me to do a follow-on service project and most

follow-on service project and most

follow-on service project and most people do travel blogs or photo essays

people do travel blogs or photo essays

people do travel blogs or photo essays or something like that I just wanted to

or something like that I just wanted to

or something like that I just wanted to do something different I didn’t know

do something different I didn’t know

do something different I didn’t know what though when I was brainstorming

what though when I was brainstorming

what though when I was brainstorming about what I wanted to do I remember

about what I wanted to do I remember

about what I wanted to do I remember having a conversation with my younger

having a conversation with my younger

having a conversation with my younger brother who at the time was a senior in

brother who at the time was a senior in

brother who at the time was a senior in high school and he was it was graduation

high school and he was it was graduation

high school and he was it was graduation season season he was about to graduate

season season he was about to graduate

season season he was about to graduate and he was telling me about his fellow

and he was telling me about his fellow

and he was telling me about his fellow peers who were who had like a very

peers who were who had like a very

peers who were who had like a very dejected outlook on college life they

dejected outlook on college life they

dejected outlook on college life they hadn’t even started applying yet because

hadn’t even started applying yet because

hadn’t even started applying yet because they didn’t think they were good enough

they didn’t think they were good enough

they didn’t think they were good enough they didn’t think that they’d be able to

they didn’t think that they’d be able to

they didn’t think that they’d be able to make it but mostly it was because of

make it but mostly it was because of

make it but mostly it was because of limited financial means and that really

limited financial means and that really

limited financial means and that really struck me because as a first-generation

struck me because as a first-generation

struck me because as a first-generation college student from a low-income

college student from a low-income

college student from a low-income background at my alma mater I knew

background at my alma mater I knew

background at my alma mater I knew exactly what those students were going

exactly what those students were going

exactly what those students were going through I was able to relate to them on

through I was able to relate to them on

through I was able to relate to them on so many different levels and I realized

so many different levels and I realized

so many different levels and I realized that this was something that I’m so

that this was something that I’m so

that this was something that I’m so passionate about I wanted to make this

passionate about I wanted to make this

passionate about I wanted to make this my project and so when I finally got

my project and so when I finally got

my project and so when I finally got back from my study abroad trip I emailed

back from my study abroad trip I emailed

back from my study abroad trip I emailed my incredible high school counselor Miss

my incredible high school counselor Miss

my incredible high school counselor Miss hack and told her about the plan and

hack and told her about the plan and

hack and told her about the plan and asked her if it was okay if I came and

asked her if it was okay if I came and

asked her if it was okay if I came and did a couple of presentations and she

did a couple of presentations and she

did a couple of presentations and she was great and she reached out to a

was great and she reached out to a

was great and she reached out to a couple of our old teachers and they were

couple of our old teachers and they were

couple of our old teachers and they were very enthusiastic they were very

very enthusiastic they were very

very enthusiastic they were very supportive of my project and they

supportive of my project and they

supportive of my project and they invited me to do seven hour-long

invited me to do seven hour-long

invited me to do seven hour-long presentations in seven different classes

presentations in seven different classes

presentations in seven different classes over the time over the time period of

over the time over the time period of

over the time over the time period of two days so that was fun and I was

two days so that was fun and I was

two days so that was fun and I was really excited because I was like yes my

really excited because I was like yes my

really excited because I was like yes my projects taking off it’s gonna be great

projects taking off it’s gonna be great

projects taking off it’s gonna be great but then I realized I probably should

but then I realized I probably should

but then I realized I probably should have something to show to the kids I

have something to show to the kids I

have something to show to the kids I should probably start putting together

should probably start putting together

should probably start putting together this presentation and so I did I started

this presentation and so I did I started

this presentation and so I did I started going through a Facebook and Instagram

going through a Facebook and Instagram

going through a Facebook and Instagram and snapchat and every other photo media

and snapchat and every other photo media

and snapchat and every other photo media outlet that I had and I started pulling

outlet that I had and I started pulling

outlet that I had and I started pulling pictures out of like the past seven

pictures out of like the past seven

pictures out of like the past seven years of my life and when I was looking

years of my life and when I was looking

years of my life and when I was looking through all of those pictures I was

through all of those pictures I was

through all of those pictures I was recalling all of the memories that were

recalling all of the memories that were

recalling all of the memories that were attached to them and I remember

attached to them and I remember

attached to them and I remember realizing wow like I got to do that

realizing wow like I got to do that

realizing wow like I got to do that that’s so cool like and I was able to do

that’s so cool like and I was able to do

that’s so cool like and I was able to do this but then I realized that in all of

this but then I realized that in all of

this but then I realized that in all of those different moments there were

those different moments there were

those different moments there were moments where I felt lost to where I

moments where I felt lost to where I

moments where I felt lost to where I felt insecure emotionally or physically

felt insecure emotionally or physically

felt insecure emotionally or physically or spiritually or mentally but in

or spiritually or mentally but in

or spiritually or mentally but in particular it reminded me of a time when

particular it reminded me of a time when

particular it reminded me of a time when I was in eighth grade and I was going

I was in eighth grade and I was going

I was in eighth grade and I was going somewhere with my mom I have no clue

somewhere with my mom I have no clue

somewhere with my mom I have no clue where we were going but we’re going

where we were going but we’re going

where we were going but we’re going somewhere and we were lost I knew we

somewhere and we were lost I knew we

somewhere and we were lost I knew we were lost she knew we were lost

were lost she knew we were lost

were lost she knew we were lost she didn’t care I care and I was in

she didn’t care I care and I was in

she didn’t care I care and I was in eighth grade so this was before I had a

eighth grade so this was before I had a

eighth grade so this was before I had a phone and I remember feeling really

phone and I remember feeling really

phone and I remember feeling really frustrated because I could just really

frustrated because I could just really

frustrated because I could just really easily Google this and we could get

easily Google this and we could get

easily Google this and we could get there so much faster and I told her a

there so much faster and I told her a

there so much faster and I told her a Mac we’re lost can I please use your

Mac we’re lost can I please use your

Mac we’re lost can I please use your phone so I can look up the directions

phone so I can look up the directions

phone so I can look up the directions and she was just very calm very peaceful

and she was just very calm very peaceful

and she was just very calm very peaceful telling me no no don’t worry about it

telling me no no don’t worry about it

telling me no no don’t worry about it we’ll be fine we’ll get there but it was

we’ll be fine we’ll get there but it was

we’ll be fine we’ll get there but it was going on and I was just like mom please

going on and I was just like mom please

going on and I was just like mom please and then I remember at one of the

and then I remember at one of the

and then I remember at one of the stoplights she turned around and she

stoplights she turned around and she

stoplights she turned around and she looked at me and very calmly said soloq

looked at me and very calmly said soloq

looked at me and very calmly said soloq beardian looked at thank cuentas

beardian looked at thank cuentas

beardian looked at thank cuentas which translates into only by getting

which translates into only by getting

which translates into only by getting lost do you find yourself and me being

lost do you find yourself and me being

lost do you find yourself and me being in that moment being a teenager I was

in that moment being a teenager I was

in that moment being a teenager I was like yeah yeah whatever you say mommy

like yeah yeah whatever you say mommy

like yeah yeah whatever you say mommy and she just calmly kept driving drove

and she just calmly kept driving drove

and she just calmly kept driving drove around in a couple more circles and

around in a couple more circles and

around in a couple more circles and eventually we made it to where we needed

eventually we made it to where we needed

eventually we made it to where we needed to go so that moment is when it’s a

to go so that moment is when it’s a

to go so that moment is when it’s a moment that came to mind when I was

moment that came to mind when I was

moment that came to mind when I was looking through all those pictures and I

looking through all those pictures and I

looking through all those pictures and I started attaching that moment to

started attaching that moment to

started attaching that moment to pictures like this one where I looked

pictures like this one where I looked

pictures like this one where I looked like I’m happy but this was actually

like I’m happy but this was actually

like I’m happy but this was actually taken during the first week here at

taken during the first week here at

taken during the first week here at Wesleyan and I was smiling at minor

Wesleyan and I was smiling at minor

Wesleyan and I was smiling at minor Meyers cuz I thought he was super cool

Meyers cuz I thought he was super cool

Meyers cuz I thought he was super cool that there was a statue but I remember

that there was a statue but I remember

that there was a statue but I remember feeling very insecure and very lost

feeling very insecure and very lost

feeling very insecure and very lost because I didn’t have a lot of support

because I didn’t have a lot of support

because I didn’t have a lot of support and a lot of guidance as a

and a lot of guidance as a

and a lot of guidance as a first-generation student I didn’t have a

first-generation student I didn’t have a

first-generation student I didn’t have a lot of help filling out the paperwork

lot of help filling out the paperwork

lot of help filling out the paperwork and the loans in the financial aid and

and the loans in the financial aid and

and the loans in the financial aid and all of those other great things because

all of those other great things because

all of those other great things because my mom didn’t know about it

my mom didn’t know about it

my mom didn’t know about it my older and a brother and I had to

my older and a brother and I had to

my older and a brother and I had to struggle through that to get

struggle through that to get

struggle through that to get also I was physically lost cuz you can

also I was physically lost cuz you can

also I was physically lost cuz you can still see the little campus map in my

still see the little campus map in my

still see the little campus map in my purse it’s not a big campus but I still

purse it’s not a big campus but I still

purse it’s not a big campus but I still managed to get lost quite a number of

managed to get lost quite a number of

managed to get lost quite a number of times but all of those moments that I

times but all of those moments that I

times but all of those moments that I got lost in my family was always present

got lost in my family was always present

got lost in my family was always present they were my support so that’s my

they were my support so that’s my

they were my support so that’s my beautiful mother on the left and my two

beautiful mother on the left and my two

beautiful mother on the left and my two younger brothers Richard and Alex Alex’s

younger brothers Richard and Alex Alex’s

younger brothers Richard and Alex Alex’s in the graduation cap and that’s my

in the graduation cap and that’s my

in the graduation cap and that’s my older brother Eric so that’s the wise

older brother Eric so that’s the wise

older brother Eric so that’s the wise advice my mom gave me the solo pair they

advice my mom gave me the solo pair they

advice my mom gave me the solo pair they know to think when truss and I realized

know to think when truss and I realized

know to think when truss and I realized that looking through all of those

that looking through all of those

that looking through all of those pictures that she would tell me the same

pictures that she would tell me the same

pictures that she would tell me the same thing and random moments that had

thing and random moments that had

thing and random moments that had absolutely nothing to do with getting

absolutely nothing to do with getting

absolutely nothing to do with getting physically lost so I realized either she

physically lost so I realized either she

physically lost so I realized either she didn’t understand what she was saying or

didn’t understand what she was saying or

didn’t understand what she was saying or I didn’t understand what she was say it

I didn’t understand what she was say it

I didn’t understand what she was say it was me but she was right in looking at

was me but she was right in looking at

was me but she was right in looking at all at all of those pictures putting

all at all of those pictures putting

all at all of those pictures putting together that slideshow thinking about

together that slideshow thinking about

together that slideshow thinking about all of those things that I have been

all of those things that I have been

all of those things that I have been able to do but there were there were so

able to do but there were there were so

able to do but there were there were so many periods of uncertainty I realized

many periods of uncertainty I realized

many periods of uncertainty I realized that she was the one who was right I

that she was the one who was right I

that she was the one who was right I didn’t understand that only by getting

didn’t understand that only by getting

didn’t understand that only by getting lost through actually really find out

lost through actually really find out

lost through actually really find out about yourself it doesn’t necessarily

about yourself it doesn’t necessarily

about yourself it doesn’t necessarily mean that your entire future is

mean that your entire future is

mean that your entire future is enlightened it doesn’t mean that you

enlightened it doesn’t mean that you

enlightened it doesn’t mean that you know everything about yourself but those

know everything about yourself but those

know everything about yourself but those periods of getting lost helped you find

periods of getting lost helped you find

periods of getting lost helped you find out a lot about yourself whether you are

out a lot about yourself whether you are

out a lot about yourself whether you are independent enough to go into a whole

independent enough to go into a whole

independent enough to go into a whole new the country and learn a new language

new the country and learn a new language

new the country and learn a new language and try to survive for four months

and try to survive for four months

and try to survive for four months whether you’re responsible enough to

whether you’re responsible enough to

whether you’re responsible enough to take on tasks whether you are committed

take on tasks whether you are committed

take on tasks whether you are committed enough to take charge on a brand new

enough to take charge on a brand new

enough to take charge on a brand new project there are so many different

project there are so many different

project there are so many different things that you learn about yourself

things that you learn about yourself

things that you learn about yourself when you do get lost this for example is

when you do get lost this for example is

when you do get lost this for example is one of the metro stations that I found

one of the metro stations that I found

one of the metro stations that I found when I got lost again in st. Petersburg

when I got lost again in st. Petersburg

when I got lost again in st. Petersburg I didn’t mean to go there but I got

I didn’t mean to go there but I got

I didn’t mean to go there but I got there and it put me about an hour out of

there and it put me about an hour out of

there and it put me about an hour out of the way so how to go back home in the

the way so how to go back home in the

the way so how to go back home in the opposite direction but this picture this

opposite direction but this picture this

opposite direction but this picture this Mont know the feeling and the emotion

Mont know the feeling and the emotion

Mont know the feeling and the emotion connected to this memory reminded me

connected to this memory reminded me

connected to this memory reminded me that there was so much that I was able

that there was so much that I was able

that there was so much that I was able to find out about myself when I got lost

to find out about myself when I got lost

to find out about myself when I got lost in st. Petersburg I realized that when I

in st. Petersburg I realized that when I

in st. Petersburg I realized that when I get lost I guess I don’t buy it I don’t

get lost I guess I don’t buy it I don’t

get lost I guess I don’t buy it I don’t panic I just look for a solution and

panic I just look for a solution and

panic I just look for a solution and keep finding a different way to figure

keep finding a different way to figure

keep finding a different way to figure things out but it’s more importantly it

things out but it’s more importantly it

things out but it’s more importantly it helped me realize that breakthrough

helped me realize that breakthrough

helped me realize that breakthrough moments are not just giant breakthrough

moments are not just giant breakthrough

moments are not just giant breakthrough moments but rather they’re comprised of

moments but rather they’re comprised of

moments but rather they’re comprised of smaller yet still significant

smaller yet still significant

smaller yet still significant breakthrough moments that lead you and

breakthrough moments that lead you and

breakthrough moments that lead you and prepare you for

prepare you for

prepare you for larger breakthrough moments in high

larger breakthrough moments in high

larger breakthrough moments in high school for me that was putting myself

school for me that was putting myself

school for me that was putting myself out of my comfort zone and joining

out of my comfort zone and joining

out of my comfort zone and joining activities and finding out what I was

activities and finding out what I was

activities and finding out what I was good at and not so good at but also

good at and not so good at but also

good at and not so good at but also finding out that I love languages and I

finding out that I love languages and I

finding out that I love languages and I love helping people and I love meeting

love helping people and I love meeting

love helping people and I love meeting new people and trying new things when I

new people and trying new things when I

new people and trying new things when I was a senior it meant going through the

was a senior it meant going through the

was a senior it meant going through the whole insecurity being unsure of whether

whole insecurity being unsure of whether

whole insecurity being unsure of whether I was even ready for college whether it

I was even ready for college whether it

I was even ready for college whether it was good enough for college whether that

was good enough for college whether that

was good enough for college whether that was something for me or not when I was a

was something for me or not when I was a

was something for me or not when I was a freshman it meant having to put up with

freshman it meant having to put up with

freshman it meant having to put up with college realizing that there’s a whole

college realizing that there’s a whole

college realizing that there’s a whole nother level required of you when you

nother level required of you when you

nother level required of you when you make it to college that people have

make it to college that people have

make it to college that people have higher expectations that there are

higher expectations that there are

higher expectations that there are things I need to be done and deadlines

things I need to be done and deadlines

things I need to be done and deadlines are deadlines and there’s just so many

are deadlines and there’s just so many

are deadlines and there’s just so many different moments of getting lost

different moments of getting lost

different moments of getting lost physically mentally emotionally

physically mentally emotionally

physically mentally emotionally spiritually go through all of those

spiritually go through all of those

spiritually go through all of those things those smaller moments prepare you

things those smaller moments prepare you

things those smaller moments prepare you for the lights but I also realized that

for the lights but I also realized that

for the lights but I also realized that those lost moments mean that you’re

those lost moments mean that you’re

those lost moments mean that you’re going to feel insecure and I did feel

going to feel insecure and I did feel

going to feel insecure and I did feel insecure a lot of times so my advice to

insecure a lot of times so my advice to

insecure a lot of times so my advice to you is be unsure and do it anyways

you is be unsure and do it anyways

you is be unsure and do it anyways because chances are if you take on a new

because chances are if you take on a new

because chances are if you take on a new job if you move to a new place if you

job if you move to a new place if you

job if you move to a new place if you join a new organization you’re gonna

join a new organization you’re gonna

join a new organization you’re gonna feel lost at some point anyways and

feel lost at some point anyways and

feel lost at some point anyways and you’re gonna have to figure out a

you’re gonna have to figure out a

you’re gonna have to figure out a solution anyways you’re gonna have to

solution anyways you’re gonna have to

solution anyways you’re gonna have to figure out a way to get over it through

figure out a way to get over it through

figure out a way to get over it through it around it whatever it takes to get

it around it whatever it takes to get

it around it whatever it takes to get you to where you need to go so be unsure

you to where you need to go so be unsure

you to where you need to go so be unsure and do it anyways but more importantly I

and do it anyways but more importantly I

and do it anyways but more importantly I realized that those smaller moments in

realized that those smaller moments in

realized that those smaller moments in my life led to those bigger

my life led to those bigger

my life led to those bigger breakthroughs in 2014 that meant

breakthroughs in 2014 that meant

breakthroughs in 2014 that meant battling all the things that I needed to

battling all the things that I needed to

battling all the things that I needed to battle – to get to graduation in

battle – to get to graduation in

battle – to get to graduation in highschool and now hopefully May of 2018

highschool and now hopefully May of 2018

highschool and now hopefully May of 2018 I will get to graduation 2018

I will get to graduation 2018

I will get to graduation 2018 so I would encourage you all to

so I would encourage you all to

so I would encourage you all to recognize that in the moments where you

recognize that in the moments where you

recognize that in the moments where you feel lost and secure not sure take

feel lost and secure not sure take

feel lost and secure not sure take advantage of my mother’s wise advice

advantage of my mother’s wise advice

advantage of my mother’s wise advice that I didn’t listen to you at the time

that I didn’t listen to you at the time

that I didn’t listen to you at the time but now finally understand that solo

but now finally understand that solo

but now finally understand that solo perdiendo to think cuentas only by

perdiendo to think cuentas only by

perdiendo to think cuentas only by getting lost do you find yourself thank

getting lost do you find yourself thank

getting lost do you find yourself thank you

you

you [Applause]

”

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