[Music] twenty-one people were massacred at my
twenty-one people were massacred at my
twenty-one people were massacred at my favorite restaurant in Kabul Afghanistan
favorite restaurant in Kabul Afghanistan
favorite restaurant in Kabul Afghanistan and all I could think about was
and all I could think about was
and all I could think about was chocolate cake it was in that moment
chocolate cake it was in that moment
chocolate cake it was in that moment that changed the way that I thought
that changed the way that I thought
that changed the way that I thought about humanity and food now I first
about humanity and food now I first
about humanity and food now I first arrived in in Kabul in 2006 to work with
arrived in in Kabul in 2006 to work with
arrived in in Kabul in 2006 to work with the local Afghan disability organization
the local Afghan disability organization
the local Afghan disability organization now I had worked in international
now I had worked in international
now I had worked in international development for the past 20 years all
development for the past 20 years all
development for the past 20 years all over the world focusing mainly on
over the world focusing mainly on
over the world focusing mainly on disability programs for people with
disability programs for people with
disability programs for people with disabilities as a technical adviser and
disabilities as a technical adviser and
disabilities as a technical adviser and while I’d worked all over the world
while I’d worked all over the world
while I’d worked all over the world Afghanistan was the first war zone that
Afghanistan was the first war zone that
Afghanistan was the first war zone that I’d ever worked in while it was a
I’d ever worked in while it was a
I’d ever worked in while it was a challenge working with security
challenge working with security
challenge working with security restrictions and limited movement and
restrictions and limited movement and
restrictions and limited movement and suicide bombers and attacks Afghanistan
suicide bombers and attacks Afghanistan
suicide bombers and attacks Afghanistan got under my skin in a good way and I
got under my skin in a good way and I
got under my skin in a good way and I would work there for six years I
would work there for six years I
would work there for six years I remember the first time that I ate at
remember the first time that I ate at
remember the first time that I ate at the Taverna it was about a month after I
the Taverna it was about a month after I
the Taverna it was about a month after I arrived in country and after walking
arrived in country and after walking
arrived in country and after walking past the two guards and through the
past the two guards and through the
past the two guards and through the metal doors I was greeted by Kamal the
metal doors I was greeted by Kamal the
metal doors I was greeted by Kamal the Lebanese owner now Kamal was about
Lebanese owner now Kamal was about
Lebanese owner now Kamal was about average height
average height
average height he had salt-and-pepper hair and a thin
he had salt-and-pepper hair and a thin
he had salt-and-pepper hair and a thin trim little mustache his rimless glasses
trim little mustache his rimless glasses
trim little mustache his rimless glasses disappeared into his face when he
disappeared into his face when he
disappeared into his face when he laughed or smiled which was often I
laughed or smiled which was often I
laughed or smiled which was often I ordered a falafel sandwich and french
ordered a falafel sandwich and french
ordered a falafel sandwich and french fries which quickly became my favourite
fries which quickly became my favourite
fries which quickly became my favourite meal and I would eat at the Taverna at
meal and I would eat at the Taverna at
meal and I would eat at the Taverna at least a couple of times a week but my
least a couple of times a week but my
least a couple of times a week but my favorite part of the meal was at the end
favorite part of the meal was at the end
favorite part of the meal was at the end of every meal at Kamal’s restaurant we
of every meal at Kamal’s restaurant we
of every meal at Kamal’s restaurant we received a free slice of chocolate cake
received a free slice of chocolate cake
received a free slice of chocolate cake now this chocolate cake was the best
now this chocolate cake was the best
now this chocolate cake was the best chocolate cake in Kabul and I am not
chocolate cake in Kabul and I am not
chocolate cake in Kabul and I am not kidding it was amazing and it reminded
kidding it was amazing and it reminded
kidding it was amazing and it reminded me
me
me of Betty Crocker you know what I’m
of Betty Crocker you know what I’m
of Betty Crocker you know what I’m talking about it was really really moist
talking about it was really really moist
talking about it was really really moist it has that that gooey chocolate
it has that that gooey chocolate
it has that that gooey chocolate frosting on the top that sticks to your
frosting on the top that sticks to your
frosting on the top that sticks to your fork when you dig into it despite living
fork when you dig into it despite living
fork when you dig into it despite living in a challenging environment eating that
in a challenging environment eating that
in a challenging environment eating that slice of chocolate cake was like eating
slice of chocolate cake was like eating
slice of chocolate cake was like eating a little slice of love and then
a little slice of love and then
a little slice of love and then terrorism hit the dining room a suicide
terrorism hit the dining room a suicide
terrorism hit the dining room a suicide bomber detonated his vest in front of
bomber detonated his vest in front of
bomber detonated his vest in front of the restaurant while two others stormed
the restaurant while two others stormed
the restaurant while two others stormed the restaurant and killed all 21 diners
the restaurant and killed all 21 diners
the restaurant and killed all 21 diners in the restaurant including Kamal he
in the restaurant including Kamal he
in the restaurant including Kamal he died defending the restaurant and the
died defending the restaurant and the
died defending the restaurant and the patrons that he loved so much I returned
patrons that he loved so much I returned
patrons that he loved so much I returned to the Taverna a couple of days after
to the Taverna a couple of days after
to the Taverna a couple of days after the attack to lay flowers and as I stood
the attack to lay flowers and as I stood
the attack to lay flowers and as I stood in front of the building thinking about
in front of the building thinking about
in front of the building thinking about all of the meals that I’d had there the
all of the meals that I’d had there the
all of the meals that I’d had there the going-away dinner that I had the
going-away dinner that I had the
going-away dinner that I had the business lunches and Kamal and those
business lunches and Kamal and those
business lunches and Kamal and those Afghans and expatriates who were
Afghans and expatriates who were
Afghans and expatriates who were senselessly murdered I was grieving and
senselessly murdered I was grieving and
senselessly murdered I was grieving and I was heartbroken because no longer was
I was heartbroken because no longer was
I was heartbroken because no longer was sharing a meal with strangers an
sharing a meal with strangers an
sharing a meal with strangers an innocent thing it was now tainted by
innocent thing it was now tainted by
innocent thing it was now tainted by blood and hatred in the last three years
blood and hatred in the last three years
blood and hatred in the last three years that I lived in Kabul I planted a garden
that I lived in Kabul I planted a garden
that I lived in Kabul I planted a garden behind the high walls and razor wire of
behind the high walls and razor wire of
behind the high walls and razor wire of my compound now I planted this garden
my compound now I planted this garden
my compound now I planted this garden for purely selfish reasons I wanted my
for purely selfish reasons I wanted my
for purely selfish reasons I wanted my collard greens I figured if I was gonna
collard greens I figured if I was gonna
collard greens I figured if I was gonna live in a war zone girl was gonna have
live in a war zone girl was gonna have
live in a war zone girl was gonna have her greens so with what my guards Ali
her greens so with what my guards Ali
her greens so with what my guards Ali and ha leaked like to call foreigner
and ha leaked like to call foreigner
and ha leaked like to call foreigner seeds I planted in addition to the
seeds I planted in addition to the
seeds I planted in addition to the collards Swiss chard kale mustard greens
collards Swiss chard kale mustard greens
collards Swiss chard kale mustard greens a bunch of different lettuces and a
a bunch of different lettuces and a
a bunch of different lettuces and a whole variety of herbs no I’d never
whole variety of herbs no I’d never
whole variety of herbs no I’d never planted a garden before I always killed
planted a garden before I always killed
planted a garden before I always killed every plant I ever had including cactus
every plant I ever had including cactus
every plant I ever had including cactus so I planted everything at once now I
so I planted everything at once now I
so I planted everything at once now I don’t know what was in that soil in my
don’t know what was in that soil in my
don’t know what was in that soil in my compound but everything came up
compound but everything came up
compound but everything came up all at once so here I am with all of
all at once so here I am with all of
all at once so here I am with all of this produce not quite sure what to do
this produce not quite sure what to do
this produce not quite sure what to do with it
with it
with it so I gave some to Afghan colleagues and
so I gave some to Afghan colleagues and
so I gave some to Afghan colleagues and some to expatriates I also started
some to expatriates I also started
some to expatriates I also started cooking for friends that evolved into
cooking for friends that evolved into
cooking for friends that evolved into monthly get-togethers for expatriates
monthly get-togethers for expatriates
monthly get-togethers for expatriates these gatherings were an opportunity for
these gatherings were an opportunity for
these gatherings were an opportunity for us to be able to be more than just our
us to be able to be more than just our
us to be able to be more than just our jobs it was an opportunity for us to
jobs it was an opportunity for us to
jobs it was an opportunity for us to relax in this stressful environment to
relax in this stressful environment to
relax in this stressful environment to tell stories to laugh and to share a
tell stories to laugh and to share a
tell stories to laugh and to share a great meal it was then that I saw the
great meal it was then that I saw the
great meal it was then that I saw the power of food and bringing people
power of food and bringing people
power of food and bringing people together eating in the homes of people
together eating in the homes of people
together eating in the homes of people like Ali and Durrani gave me an
like Ali and Durrani gave me an
like Ali and Durrani gave me an opportunity to learn about the people
opportunity to learn about the people
opportunity to learn about the people and the country through food Afghanistan
and the country through food Afghanistan
and the country through food Afghanistan became less about the war the security
became less about the war the security
became less about the war the security rules and suicide bombers but it became
rules and suicide bombers but it became
rules and suicide bombers but it became more about the personal relationships
more about the personal relationships
more about the personal relationships that I would develop eating in Afghans
that I would develop eating in Afghans
that I would develop eating in Afghans homes and it didn’t matter that I was a
homes and it didn’t matter that I was a
homes and it didn’t matter that I was a black American woman and it didn’t
black American woman and it didn’t
black American woman and it didn’t matter that they were Afghan and Muslim
matter that they were Afghan and Muslim
matter that they were Afghan and Muslim we were just human beings sharing a meal
we were just human beings sharing a meal
we were just human beings sharing a meal I left Afghanistan about eight months
I left Afghanistan about eight months
I left Afghanistan about eight months after the taberna attack and two years
after the taberna attack and two years
after the taberna attack and two years later I moved to Charleston to become
later I moved to Charleston to become
later I moved to Charleston to become closer to family about a month after
closer to family about a month after
closer to family about a month after that I attended an event at the Gilyard
that I attended an event at the Gilyard
that I attended an event at the Gilyard Center commemorating the one-year
Center commemorating the one-year
Center commemorating the one-year anniversary of the mother Emmanuel
anniversary of the mother Emmanuel
anniversary of the mother Emmanuel massacre one of the speakers at that
massacre one of the speakers at that
massacre one of the speakers at that event was Bernice King the daughter of
event was Bernice King the daughter of
event was Bernice King the daughter of slain civil rights leader Martin Luther
slain civil rights leader Martin Luther
slain civil rights leader Martin Luther King jr. and she issued a challenge to
King jr. and she issued a challenge to
King jr. and she issued a challenge to the Charleston community she challenged
the Charleston community she challenged
the Charleston community she challenged Charleston to fight hate by finding ways
Charleston to fight hate by finding ways
Charleston to fight hate by finding ways to love and understand each other
to love and understand each other
to love and understand each other despite all sorts of would be dividing
despite all sorts of would be dividing
despite all sorts of would be dividing factors she said go to each other’s
factors she said go to each other’s
factors she said go to each other’s homes have dinner and it clicked the
homes have dinner and it clicked the
homes have dinner and it clicked the minute I heard that I thought back to
minute I heard that I thought back to
minute I heard that I thought back to the gatherings that I’d had in Kabul in
the gatherings that I’d had in Kabul in
the gatherings that I’d had in Kabul in my calm
my calm
my calm I thought back to those meals that I had
I thought back to those meals that I had
I thought back to those meals that I had with Afghans like Ali and Durrani and I
with Afghans like Ali and Durrani and I
with Afghans like Ali and Durrani and I also thought about Kamal and those other
also thought about Kamal and those other
also thought about Kamal and those other diners in that restaurant so my first
diners in that restaurant so my first
diners in that restaurant so my first dinner you know I wasn’t exactly sure
dinner you know I wasn’t exactly sure
dinner you know I wasn’t exactly sure how this was going to go but it was an
how this was going to go but it was an
how this was going to go but it was an experiment so all I knew was that I
experiment so all I knew was that I
experiment so all I knew was that I wanted the dinners to be in a community
wanted the dinners to be in a community
wanted the dinners to be in a community members home I only wanted ten people
members home I only wanted ten people
members home I only wanted ten people because I wanted to make sure that these
because I wanted to make sure that these
because I wanted to make sure that these dinners were intimate and everyone had
dinners were intimate and everyone had
dinners were intimate and everyone had an opportunity to be seen and heard
an opportunity to be seen and heard
an opportunity to be seen and heard I wanted international food now we all
I wanted international food now we all
I wanted international food now we all know that food is a universal language
know that food is a universal language
know that food is a universal language and in all of my work overseas food was
and in all of my work overseas food was
and in all of my work overseas food was my way in to every community that I
my way in to every community that I
my way in to every community that I worked in and it was not going to be
worked in and it was not going to be
worked in and it was not going to be different here so a friend of mine
different here so a friend of mine
different here so a friend of mine agreed to have eight strangers into her
agreed to have eight strangers into her
agreed to have eight strangers into her home that they did not know I invited
home that they did not know I invited
home that they did not know I invited eight people that had recently met that
eight people that had recently met that
eight people that had recently met that I wanted to get to know better and
I wanted to get to know better and
I wanted to get to know better and another friend connected me to a
another friend connected me to a
another friend connected me to a wonderful Vietnamese woman who made a
wonderful Vietnamese woman who made a
wonderful Vietnamese woman who made a fantastic Vietnamese meal and guess what
fantastic Vietnamese meal and guess what
fantastic Vietnamese meal and guess what happened everybody talked and everybody
happened everybody talked and everybody
happened everybody talked and everybody ate it was a really really great
ate it was a really really great
ate it was a really really great experience it was just like being at a
experience it was just like being at a
experience it was just like being at a regular dinner party except we started
regular dinner party except we started
regular dinner party except we started as strangers and by the end of that meal
as strangers and by the end of that meal
as strangers and by the end of that meal we were no strangers no more now since
we were no strangers no more now since
we were no strangers no more now since that first dinner I’ve held ten dinners
that first dinner I’ve held ten dinners
that first dinner I’ve held ten dinners in different community members homes in
in different community members homes in
in different community members homes in all our communities beautiful diversity
all our communities beautiful diversity
all our communities beautiful diversity all of the chefs and home cooks have
all of the chefs and home cooks have
all of the chefs and home cooks have been people from different countries now
been people from different countries now
been people from different countries now what happens at at a dinner well one of
what happens at at a dinner well one of
what happens at at a dinner well one of our most recent dinners we had at a
our most recent dinners we had at a
our most recent dinners we had at a sauna and Reshma’s house and this dinner
sauna and Reshma’s house and this dinner
sauna and Reshma’s house and this dinner was an opportunity for people to ask
was an opportunity for people to ask
was an opportunity for people to ask sensitive questions we talked about the
sensitive questions we talked about the
sensitive questions we talked about the difference between Islam and
difference between Islam and
difference between Islam and Christianity we talked about race we
Christianity we talked about race we
Christianity we talked about race we talked about the impact of politics on
talked about the impact of politics on
talked about the impact of politics on family relationships it was an
family relationships it was an
family relationships it was an opportunity for people to ask sensitive
opportunity for people to ask sensitive
opportunity for people to ask sensitive questions without fear
questions without fear
questions without fear of being called racist or ignorant it
of being called racist or ignorant it
of being called racist or ignorant it was an opportunity for people to share
was an opportunity for people to share
was an opportunity for people to share their perspectives without fear of
their perspectives without fear of
their perspectives without fear of judgment when you create space among
judgment when you create space among
judgment when you create space among strangers for conversation dialogue and
strangers for conversation dialogue and
strangers for conversation dialogue and connection those labels the stereotypes
connection those labels the stereotypes
connection those labels the stereotypes the preconceived ideas and assumptions
the preconceived ideas and assumptions
the preconceived ideas and assumptions that we often have about each other
that we often have about each other
that we often have about each other begin to disappear we begin to see each
begin to disappear we begin to see each
begin to disappear we begin to see each other’s individuality we’re no longer
other’s individuality we’re no longer
other’s individuality we’re no longer Muslim were no longer african-american
Muslim were no longer african-american
Muslim were no longer african-american were no longer white folks we are now
were no longer white folks we are now
were no longer white folks we are now asan were a rest my where Kristin were
asan were a rest my where Kristin were
asan were a rest my where Kristin were Josh we can sit around the table in all
Josh we can sit around the table in all
Josh we can sit around the table in all of our individuality and yet understand
of our individuality and yet understand
of our individuality and yet understand that we are all connected and
that we are all connected and
that we are all connected and inextricably linked by the human
inextricably linked by the human
inextricably linked by the human connection and by the power of humanity
it’s difficult to hate someone when
it’s difficult to hate someone when you’re sharing a meal imagine if this
you’re sharing a meal imagine if this
you’re sharing a meal imagine if this was happening in every community in
was happening in every community in
was happening in every community in every city town and village across the
every city town and village across the
every city town and village across the globe we can move from hate and fear to
globe we can move from hate and fear to
globe we can move from hate and fear to love compassion and empathy and we can
love compassion and empathy and we can
love compassion and empathy and we can sit in love and connection now my
sit in love and connection now my
sit in love and connection now my challenge for you is very simple have a
challenge for you is very simple have a
challenge for you is very simple have a meal with a stranger it’s not that
meal with a stranger it’s not that
meal with a stranger it’s not that difficult it’s not rocket science but
difficult it’s not rocket science but
difficult it’s not rocket science but you have to show up you have to be
you have to show up you have to be
you have to show up you have to be intentional you have to be brave and
intentional you have to be brave and
intentional you have to be brave and courageous and most of all you have to
courageous and most of all you have to
courageous and most of all you have to open your heart if we all do this we can
open your heart if we all do this we can
open your heart if we all do this we can change the world
”
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