so the first talk I ever bid was a TEDx funny enough and I was 14 years old and
funny enough and I was 14 years old and
funny enough and I was 14 years old and I was scared like could piss my pants I
I was scared like could piss my pants I
I was scared like could piss my pants I had bought this I bought this like
had bought this I bought this like
had bought this I bought this like little ruffle tee like white target
little ruffle tee like white target
little ruffle tee like white target dress that I was super excited I was
dress that I was super excited I was
dress that I was super excited I was excited for cuz I was like 14 and I
excited for cuz I was like 14 and I
excited for cuz I was like 14 and I remember getting up on stage and it’s
remember getting up on stage and it’s
remember getting up on stage and it’s the first and only talk in my entire
the first and only talk in my entire
the first and only talk in my entire career of doing speaking that I ever
career of doing speaking that I ever
career of doing speaking that I ever planned like that I wrote down I don’t
planned like that I wrote down I don’t
planned like that I wrote down I don’t plan talks
plan talks
plan talks I’m actually really horrible I’m a
I’m actually really horrible I’m a
I’m actually really horrible I’m a horrible person and I’m probably a
horrible person and I’m probably a
horrible person and I’m probably a nightmare for for planners of these
nightmare for for planners of these
nightmare for for planners of these kinds of events to deal with because I
kinds of events to deal with because I
kinds of events to deal with because I don’t ever do speech outlines I don’t
don’t ever do speech outlines I don’t
don’t ever do speech outlines I don’t even really have titles I like just made
even really have titles I like just made
even really have titles I like just made up a title for this completely randomly
up a title for this completely randomly
up a title for this completely randomly um so anyway uh I get up on stage and my
um so anyway uh I get up on stage and my
um so anyway uh I get up on stage and my hands start getting all clammy and I
hands start getting all clammy and I
hands start getting all clammy and I start feeling I’m gonna vomit and it
start feeling I’m gonna vomit and it
start feeling I’m gonna vomit and it doesn’t go away for the entire talk I’m
doesn’t go away for the entire talk I’m
doesn’t go away for the entire talk I’m sitting there saying everything that I
sitting there saying everything that I
sitting there saying everything that I recited and I’m terrified but for some
recited and I’m terrified but for some
recited and I’m terrified but for some reason after that talk I got a call to
reason after that talk I got a call to
reason after that talk I got a call to do another one and then another one and
do another one and then another one and
do another one and then another one and I just kept doing them and I still don’t
I just kept doing them and I still don’t
I just kept doing them and I still don’t really know why I’m doing that
really know why I’m doing that
really know why I’m doing that um that’s deads the intro story to the
um that’s deads the intro story to the
um that’s deads the intro story to the main talk so anyway um when I first
main talk so anyway um when I first
main talk so anyway um when I first started doing talks when I was 14 my
started doing talks when I was 14 my
started doing talks when I was 14 my talks were pretty simple there are my
talks were pretty simple there are my
talks were pretty simple there are my life experience there my story and in my
life experience there my story and in my
life experience there my story and in my defense it is kind of a cool interesting
defense it is kind of a cool interesting
defense it is kind of a cool interesting story I say that completely subjectively
story I say that completely subjectively
story I say that completely subjectively I was born with something called cystic
I was born with something called cystic
I was born with something called cystic fibrosis which is the genetic disease
fibrosis which is the genetic disease
fibrosis which is the genetic disease that causes an overload of mucus to
that causes an overload of mucus to
that causes an overload of mucus to accumulate in your body which is
accumulate in your body which is
accumulate in your body which is disgusting and also doesn’t seem that
disgusting and also doesn’t seem that
disgusting and also doesn’t seem that terrifying until you really start to
terrifying until you really start to
terrifying until you really start to think that mucus is in every single part
think that mucus is in every single part
think that mucus is in every single part of your body and covering every single
of your body and covering every single
of your body and covering every single organ so slowly causes your organs to
organ so slowly causes your organs to
organ so slowly causes your organs to malfunction and fail as you get older
malfunction and fail as you get older
malfunction and fail as you get older and older now I know that I’m deceptive
and older now I know that I’m deceptive
and older now I know that I’m deceptive and you would think for me coming up
and you would think for me coming up
and you would think for me coming up here being all smiles and giggles and
here being all smiles and giggles and
here being all smiles and giggles and like jokes
like jokes
like jokes this might be a talk about how to be
this might be a talk about how to be
this might be a talk about how to be happy and how to choose joy in your life
happy and how to choose joy in your life
happy and how to choose joy in your life and how to be okay but I’m not here to
and how to be okay but I’m not here to
and how to be okay but I’m not here to tell you that CF isn’t hard
tell you that CF isn’t hard
tell you that CF isn’t hard I’m not here to tell you it’s not
I’m not here to tell you it’s not
I’m not here to tell you it’s not painful as CF is really hard and it
painful as CF is really hard and it
painful as CF is really hard and it will always be hard it’s around 4 to 5
will always be hard it’s around 4 to 5
will always be hard it’s around 4 to 5 hours a day of breathing treatments
hours a day of breathing treatments
hours a day of breathing treatments imagine having to brush your teeth 4 to
imagine having to brush your teeth 4 to
imagine having to brush your teeth 4 to 5 hours a day you would go completely
5 hours a day you would go completely
5 hours a day you would go completely crazy it’s around 50 medications over 30
crazy it’s around 50 medications over 30
crazy it’s around 50 medications over 30 surgeries in my life
surgeries in my life
surgeries in my life and a good quarter of my life spent in a
and a good quarter of my life spent in a
and a good quarter of my life spent in a hospital so it’s hard and it’s painful
hospital so it’s hard and it’s painful
hospital so it’s hard and it’s painful and that’s not even the hardest part the
and that’s not even the hardest part the
and that’s not even the hardest part the hardest part about CF isn’t the guilt
hardest part about CF isn’t the guilt
hardest part about CF isn’t the guilt that comes with it because whether or
that comes with it because whether or
that comes with it because whether or not you survive whether or not you’re
not you survive whether or not you’re
not you survive whether or not you’re okay
okay
okay day to day whether or not you can
day to day whether or not you can
day to day whether or not you can breathe and walk around and have
breathe and walk around and have
breathe and walk around and have communication and connection with people
communication and connection with people
communication and connection with people is based off of how well you take care
is based off of how well you take care
is based off of how well you take care of yourself whether you do your
of yourself whether you do your
of yourself whether you do your treatments well whether you take your
treatments well whether you take your
treatments well whether you take your pills and when you’re a kid that guilt
pills and when you’re a kid that guilt
pills and when you’re a kid that guilt is crippling and it follows you your
is crippling and it follows you your
is crippling and it follows you your entire life because every time I ended
entire life because every time I ended
entire life because every time I ended up in the hospital
up in the hospital
up in the hospital anytime I was sick at all I felt like it
anytime I was sick at all I felt like it
anytime I was sick at all I felt like it was my fault and I felt like when my
was my fault and I felt like when my
was my fault and I felt like when my parents would be sad I might one day die
parents would be sad I might one day die
parents would be sad I might one day die because cystic fibrosis has a very short
because cystic fibrosis has a very short
because cystic fibrosis has a very short life expectancy it’s terminal
life expectancy it’s terminal
life expectancy it’s terminal meaning when I was born my life extended
meaning when I was born my life extended
meaning when I was born my life extended expectancy was around ten years old then
expectancy was around ten years old then
expectancy was around ten years old then I moved to 16 and 18 the 19 now mid-20s
I moved to 16 and 18 the 19 now mid-20s
I moved to 16 and 18 the 19 now mid-20s I’m 20 right now and do the math and
I’m 20 right now and do the math and
I’m 20 right now and do the math and every single time I’d see my parents
every single time I’d see my parents
every single time I’d see my parents feel heartbroken I’d feel like it was my
feel heartbroken I’d feel like it was my
feel heartbroken I’d feel like it was my fault
fault
fault and that’s what’s hard about CF so I’m
and that’s what’s hard about CF so I’m
and that’s what’s hard about CF so I’m not here and I don’t do these talks to
not here and I don’t do these talks to
not here and I don’t do these talks to say that it’s a walk in the park and to
say that it’s a walk in the park and to
say that it’s a walk in the park and to say that you just have to be happy in
say that you just have to be happy in
say that you just have to be happy in spite of it it’s hard and it’s painful
spite of it it’s hard and it’s painful
spite of it it’s hard and it’s painful but I do these talks to make a point I
but I do these talks to make a point I
but I do these talks to make a point I do these talks to make a point that you
do these talks to make a point that you
do these talks to make a point that you can have a painful life you can suffer
can have a painful life you can suffer
can have a painful life you can suffer you can experience what it’s like to
you can experience what it’s like to
you can experience what it’s like to feel like a human
feel like a human
feel like a human all those messy and gross emotions and
all those messy and gross emotions and
all those messy and gross emotions and yet you can make a life for yourself
yet you can make a life for yourself
yet you can make a life for yourself that you are very very proud of and
that you are very very proud of and
that you are very very proud of and that’s why I kept saying yes to talks
that’s why I kept saying yes to talks
that’s why I kept saying yes to talks not because I wanted to talk on stage
not because I wanted to talk on stage
not because I wanted to talk on stage for long periods of time you know I want
for long periods of time you know I want
for long periods of time you know I want to do that because I feel like my only
to do that because I feel like my only
to do that because I feel like my only gift in life is like blabbering but
gift in life is like blabbering but
gift in life is like blabbering but because I laugh at it because it’s too
because I laugh at it because it’s too
because I laugh at it because it’s too true but because I wanted to share the
true but because I wanted to share the
true but because I wanted to share the fact that you can suffer and be okay you
fact that you can suffer and be okay you
fact that you can suffer and be okay you can suffer and still make something that
can suffer and still make something that
can suffer and still make something that the quality of your life isn’t
the quality of your life isn’t
the quality of your life isn’t determined by whether you’re healthy or
determined by whether you’re healthy or
determined by whether you’re healthy or sick or rich or poor not at all it’s
sick or rich or poor not at all it’s
sick or rich or poor not at all it’s determined by what you make out of your
determined by what you make out of your
determined by what you make out of your experience as a human being out of the
experience as a human being out of the
experience as a human being out of the embarrassing moments and the painful
embarrassing moments and the painful
embarrassing moments and the painful moments it’s what you make and what you
moments it’s what you make and what you
moments it’s what you make and what you give from that place so when I was a
give from that place so when I was a
give from that place so when I was a little girl I’m just funny I was talking
little girl I’m just funny I was talking
little girl I’m just funny I was talking about just with a friend in the car on
about just with a friend in the car on
about just with a friend in the car on the way here but when I was a little
the way here but when I was a little
the way here but when I was a little girl I was confused deeply confused
girl I was confused deeply confused
girl I was confused deeply confused because there was no one in my life that
because there was no one in my life that
because there was no one in my life that I aspired to be like there’s no one I
I aspired to be like there’s no one I
I aspired to be like there’s no one I knew that was sick it was also
knew that was sick it was also
knew that was sick it was also interesting that was doing something
interesting that was doing something
interesting that was doing something with their lives
with their lives
with their lives it was making or contributing things
it was making or contributing things
it was making or contributing things sure there was like the occasional
sure there was like the occasional
sure there was like the occasional person was like no arms and legs that
person was like no arms and legs that
person was like no arms and legs that would tell you you could you know there
would tell you you could you know there
would tell you you could you know there do inspirational talks on how you could
do inspirational talks on how you could
do inspirational talks on how you could achieve anything in life which was good
achieve anything in life which was good
achieve anything in life which was good that was a good starting place but there
that was a good starting place but there
that was a good starting place but there was no one who outlived their illness
was no one who outlived their illness
was no one who outlived their illness who contributed something in the world
who contributed something in the world
who contributed something in the world just based off of their brain on their
just based off of their brain on their
just based off of their brain on their intellect on who they were as a person
intellect on who they were as a person
intellect on who they were as a person so I felt like there was no one that I
so I felt like there was no one that I
so I felt like there was no one that I could aspire to be like there is nothing
could aspire to be like there is nothing
could aspire to be like there is nothing for me to be and the thing is when
for me to be and the thing is when
for me to be and the thing is when you’re sick and when you’re young you
you’re sick and when you’re young you
you’re sick and when you’re young you could treat it so strangely people meet
could treat it so strangely people meet
could treat it so strangely people meet you and the first thing they say is I’m
you and the first thing they say is I’m
you and the first thing they say is I’m so sorry for you and that starts to
so sorry for you and that starts to
so sorry for you and that starts to lodge in the back of your brain you
lodge in the back of your brain you
lodge in the back of your brain you start to feel like maybe there is
start to feel like maybe there is
start to feel like maybe there is something wrong with me maybe I’m not
something wrong with me maybe I’m not
something wrong with me maybe I’m not living a good life maybe my life is just
living a good life maybe my life is just
living a good life maybe my life is just innately not as good as everyone else’s
innately not as good as everyone else’s
innately not as good as everyone else’s maybe
maybe
maybe I can’t contribute something to the
I can’t contribute something to the
I can’t contribute something to the world because I genuinely like and not
world because I genuinely like and not
world because I genuinely like and not capable of it maybe that’s why there’s
capable of it maybe that’s why there’s
capable of it maybe that’s why there’s not people who are sick contributing
not people who are sick contributing
not people who are sick contributing beautiful things because it’s not
beautiful things because it’s not
beautiful things because it’s not possible
possible
possible and then someone there was actually my
and then someone there was actually my
and then someone there was actually my boyfriend at the time but I was very
boyfriend at the time but I was very
boyfriend at the time but I was very little so we can’t say boyfriend it was
little so we can’t say boyfriend it was
little so we can’t say boyfriend it was my friend that I held hands with gave me
my friend that I held hands with gave me
my friend that I held hands with gave me gave me a Stephen Hawking’s book and I
gave me a Stephen Hawking’s book and I
gave me a Stephen Hawking’s book and I was there was a coolest thing ever
was there was a coolest thing ever
was there was a coolest thing ever I remember reading about how Suns form
I remember reading about how Suns form
I remember reading about how Suns form every single element that exists inside
every single element that exists inside
every single element that exists inside their furnace so how every single atom
their furnace so how every single atom
their furnace so how every single atom that makes up you and me was formed in
that makes up you and me was formed in
that makes up you and me was formed in the belly of a Sun and then that Sun
the belly of a Sun and then that Sun
the belly of a Sun and then that Sun went one day and it died and it
went one day and it died and it
went one day and it died and it collapsed and from it formed a black
collapsed and from it formed a black
collapsed and from it formed a black hole and by that logic if you think
hole and by that logic if you think
hole and by that logic if you think about it every single atom that makes up
about it every single atom that makes up
about it every single atom that makes up your body has a corresponding black hole
your body has a corresponding black hole
your body has a corresponding black hole someplace out in the universe as like a
someplace out in the universe as like a
someplace out in the universe as like a shadow of your creation and I was just
shadow of your creation and I was just
shadow of your creation and I was just involved I thought Stephen Hawking’s was
involved I thought Stephen Hawking’s was
involved I thought Stephen Hawking’s was so cool right and I’m like 11 at the
so cool right and I’m like 11 at the
so cool right and I’m like 11 at the time so I went and I checked out a book
time so I went and I checked out a book
time so I went and I checked out a book about Stephen Hawking’s from the library
about Stephen Hawking’s from the library
about Stephen Hawking’s from the library because I am technologically challenged
because I am technologically challenged
because I am technologically challenged I’m actually technologically handicapped
I’m actually technologically handicapped
I’m actually technologically handicapped more so than I am physically handicapped
more so than I am physically handicapped
more so than I am physically handicapped which is really saying something
which is really saying something
which is really saying something so I got a book on Stephen Hawking’s and
so I got a book on Stephen Hawking’s and
so I got a book on Stephen Hawking’s and that was when I realized and I learned
that was when I realized and I learned
that was when I realized and I learned that he was like me hidden FCF but he
that he was like me hidden FCF but he
that he was like me hidden FCF but he had a horrendously frustrating disease
had a horrendously frustrating disease
had a horrendously frustrating disease where his body was completely failing
where his body was completely failing
where his body was completely failing around him and yet here he was as
around him and yet here he was as
around him and yet here he was as someone who had contributed something
someone who had contributed something
someone who had contributed something incredible to humanity to society and he
incredible to humanity to society and he
incredible to humanity to society and he was my first role model so something
was my first role model so something
was my first role model so something strange happened around that time in my
strange happened around that time in my
strange happened around that time in my life
life
life age when I was around 12 or I started
age when I was around 12 or I started
age when I was around 12 or I started questioning everything I started
questioning everything I started
questioning everything I started questioning why I was doing treatments
questioning why I was doing treatments
questioning why I was doing treatments why I was even living why was I doing
why I was even living why was I doing
why I was even living why was I doing any of this it was so incredibly hard it
any of this it was so incredibly hard it
any of this it was so incredibly hard it takes so much work just to be alive
takes so much work just to be alive
takes so much work just to be alive and what was it for I was desperately
and what was it for I was desperately
and what was it for I was desperately looking for something to grab on to
looking for something to grab on to
looking for something to grab on to something to give something to
something to give something to
something to give something to contribute so that I felt like my life
contribute so that I felt like my life
contribute so that I felt like my life had some Worth had some meaning but I
had some Worth had some meaning but I
had some Worth had some meaning but I wasn’t just surviving just to survive
wasn’t just surviving just to survive
wasn’t just surviving just to survive and then something really crazy happened
and then something really crazy happened
and then something really crazy happened I went in for a routine surgery when I
I went in for a routine surgery when I
I went in for a routine surgery when I was 13 years old and I got blood sepsis
was 13 years old and I got blood sepsis
was 13 years old and I got blood sepsis which is an infection in your blood
which is an infection in your blood
which is an infection in your blood and it attacked the weakest part of my
and it attacked the weakest part of my
and it attacked the weakest part of my body which was my lungs so I went into
body which was my lungs so I went into
body which was my lungs so I went into full-on lung failure I ended up being in
full-on lung failure I ended up being in
full-on lung failure I ended up being in a coma for three weeks barely barely
a coma for three weeks barely barely
a coma for three weeks barely barely surviving I flatlined once in an
surviving I flatlined once in an
surviving I flatlined once in an elevator which horrendous place to
elevator which horrendous place to
elevator which horrendous place to flatline like talk about crippling fear
flatline like talk about crippling fear
flatline like talk about crippling fear of elevators for the rest of your
of elevators for the rest of your
of elevators for the rest of your freakin life like I’m never gonna get
freakin life like I’m never gonna get
freakin life like I’m never gonna get over that died in an elevator like this
over that died in an elevator like this
over that died in an elevator like this is heaven elevator in my apartment that
is heaven elevator in my apartment that
is heaven elevator in my apartment that I have to use cuz you know bad lungs and
I have to use cuz you know bad lungs and
I have to use cuz you know bad lungs and every single time it like why couldn’t I
every single time it like why couldn’t I
every single time it like why couldn’t I have died in the hallway going to the
have died in the hallway going to the
have died in the hallway going to the elevator that would have been better by
elevator that would have been better by
elevator that would have been better by with nagawa
with nagawa
with nagawa for three weeks and I had a 1% chance of
for three weeks and I had a 1% chance of
for three weeks and I had a 1% chance of surviving I was on something called an
surviving I was on something called an
surviving I was on something called an oscillator and no one in medical history
oscillator and no one in medical history
oscillator and no one in medical history or cystic fibrosis had ever been on an
or cystic fibrosis had ever been on an
or cystic fibrosis had ever been on an oscillator and survived ever so they
oscillator and survived ever so they
oscillator and survived ever so they thought that was kind of the end for me
thought that was kind of the end for me
thought that was kind of the end for me but I did come survive and I was due to
but I did come survive and I was due to
but I did come survive and I was due to so much incredible support coming out
so much incredible support coming out
so much incredible support coming out from my family and coming out from the
from my family and coming out from the
from my family and coming out from the Woodworks to help me survive and help me
Woodworks to help me survive and help me
Woodworks to help me survive and help me get through that but when I did come out
get through that but when I did come out
get through that but when I did come out of it I realized that kind of support
of it I realized that kind of support
of it I realized that kind of support doesn’t exist for other people with CF
doesn’t exist for other people with CF
doesn’t exist for other people with CF in fact cystic fibrosis is an incredibly
in fact cystic fibrosis is an incredibly
in fact cystic fibrosis is an incredibly isolating disease people with CF can’t
isolating disease people with CF can’t
isolating disease people with CF can’t actually be in the same room together
actually be in the same room together
actually be in the same room together and neither can their parents without
and neither can their parents without
and neither can their parents without doing a full biohazard suit literally so
doing a full biohazard suit literally so
doing a full biohazard suit literally so it’s an incredibly isolating disease and
it’s an incredibly isolating disease and
it’s an incredibly isolating disease and on top of that going flashing forwards
on top of that going flashing forwards
on top of that going flashing forwards to what I told you before from when I
to what I told you before from when I
to what I told you before from when I was a kid it’s a lot of time and energy
was a kid it’s a lot of time and energy
was a kid it’s a lot of time and energy a lot of hospital stays so parents of
a lot of hospital stays so parents of
a lot of hospital stays so parents of children with cystic fibrosis end up
children with cystic fibrosis end up
children with cystic fibrosis end up having to take off long periods of work
having to take off long periods of work
having to take off long periods of work to be able to actually be with their
to be able to actually be with their
to be able to actually be with their kids while they’re dying in the hospital
kids while they’re dying in the hospital
kids while they’re dying in the hospital and they don’t have support system
and they don’t have support system
and they don’t have support system because all of the money that gets
because all of the money that gets
because all of the money that gets raised for cystic fibrosis goes directly
raised for cystic fibrosis goes directly
raised for cystic fibrosis goes directly to finding a cure
to finding a cure
to finding a cure not to helping people with their
not to helping people with their
not to helping people with their day-to-day life so all of a sudden there
day-to-day life so all of a sudden there
day-to-day life so all of a sudden there was this need that I saw and then my
was this need that I saw and then my
was this need that I saw and then my parents saw
parents saw
parents saw well we actually could help other people
well we actually could help other people
well we actually could help other people with cystic fibrosis we could give
with cystic fibrosis we could give
with cystic fibrosis we could give something to them something that would
something to them something that would
something to them something that would genuinely help them through their
genuinely help them through their
genuinely help them through their experience and thus the Claire’s place
experience and thus the Claire’s place
experience and thus the Claire’s place foundation was born so flash-forward six
foundation was born so flash-forward six
foundation was born so flash-forward six years to now right it has been the crazy
years to now right it has been the crazy
years to now right it has been the crazy six years any teenager I think could
six years any teenager I think could
six years any teenager I think could ever dream off I became the head of a
ever dream off I became the head of a
ever dream off I became the head of a nonprofit that grew and grew and grew
nonprofit that grew and grew and grew
nonprofit that grew and grew and grew every single year and just last month we
every single year and just last month we
every single year and just last month we were able to help this girl with cystic
were able to help this girl with cystic
were able to help this girl with cystic fibrosis who was homeless and was going
fibrosis who was homeless and was going
fibrosis who was homeless and was going from shelter to shelter with her medical
from shelter to shelter with her medical
from shelter to shelter with her medical equipment I didn’t have any support
equipment I didn’t have any support
equipment I didn’t have any support we’re able to find her an apartment and
we’re able to find her an apartment and
we’re able to find her an apartment and get her discharge from the hospital
get her discharge from the hospital
get her discharge from the hospital into her new apartment anyway oh and on
into her new apartment anyway oh and on
into her new apartment anyway oh and on top of that I was doing all this public
top of that I was doing all this public
top of that I was doing all this public speaking I was getting to travel and I
speaking I was getting to travel and I
speaking I was getting to travel and I was getting to share my story and I
was getting to share my story and I
was getting to share my story and I started doing YouTube and I started
started doing YouTube and I started
started doing YouTube and I started sharing my experience there first for
sharing my experience there first for
sharing my experience there first for having people from all over and all
having people from all over and all
having people from all over and all walks of life ask for my help on life
walks of life ask for my help on life
walks of life ask for my help on life and life advice just weird cuz I feel
and life advice just weird cuz I feel
and life advice just weird cuz I feel like I’m such a mess like I’m like I
like I’m such a mess like I’m like I
like I’m such a mess like I’m like I don’t know just have you showered today
don’t know just have you showered today
don’t know just have you showered today you know like so anyway um flash forward
you know like so anyway um flash forward
you know like so anyway um flash forward to my 18th birthday and I rented out
to my 18th birthday and I rented out
to my 18th birthday and I rented out this toy Thai restaurant which is my
this toy Thai restaurant which is my
this toy Thai restaurant which is my favorite restaurant in LA because I love
favorite restaurant in LA because I love
favorite restaurant in LA because I love Thai food because it’s all carbs I just
Thai food because it’s all carbs I just
Thai food because it’s all carbs I just eat literally like a vat of brown rice
eat literally like a vat of brown rice
eat literally like a vat of brown rice and potatoes and like more bread on top
and potatoes and like more bread on top
and potatoes and like more bread on top of that and then it’s like my favorite
of that and then it’s like my favorite
of that and then it’s like my favorite meal ever so we’re sitting there at this
meal ever so we’re sitting there at this
meal ever so we’re sitting there at this huge table a toy time with everyone I
huge table a toy time with everyone I
huge table a toy time with everyone I love around because I wasn’t supposed to
love around because I wasn’t supposed to
love around because I wasn’t supposed to make it to 18 I wasn’t even really
make it to 18 I wasn’t even really
make it to 18 I wasn’t even really supposed to make it to 16 18 is I’m
supposed to make it to 16 18 is I’m
supposed to make it to 16 18 is I’m crazy 20 is even crazier um
crazy 20 is even crazier um
crazy 20 is even crazier um and everyone I love is there I get hit
and everyone I love is there I get hit
and everyone I love is there I get hit out of nowhere with his realization that
out of nowhere with his realization that
out of nowhere with his realization that I became the person that little me would
I became the person that little me would
I became the person that little me would have been inspired by
have been inspired by
have been inspired by I became some whoa hey don’t ever cry I
I became some whoa hey don’t ever cry I
I became some whoa hey don’t ever cry I thought oh the I became the person who
thought oh the I became the person who
thought oh the I became the person who wasn’t denying their illness wasn’t
wasn’t denying their illness wasn’t
wasn’t denying their illness wasn’t saying I hadn’t suffered I was taking my
saying I hadn’t suffered I was taking my
saying I hadn’t suffered I was taking my experience and I was giving something I
experience and I was giving something I
experience and I was giving something I was doing something I was living a life
was doing something I was living a life
was doing something I was living a life that I was proud of and that little me
that I was proud of and that little me
that I was proud of and that little me could have been proud of and that’s all
could have been proud of and that’s all
could have been proud of and that’s all that we can have in life because the
that we can have in life because the
that we can have in life because the truth is it’s not about being happy
truth is it’s not about being happy
truth is it’s not about being happy right life isn’t about just trying to be
right life isn’t about just trying to be
right life isn’t about just trying to be happy
happy
happy honestly happiness is a dopamine
honestly happiness is a dopamine
honestly happiness is a dopamine reaction in the brain like if I was to
reaction in the brain like if I was to
reaction in the brain like if I was to sit here and tell you all to just be
sit here and tell you all to just be
sit here and tell you all to just be happy I’d just say just go smoke a joint
happy I’d just say just go smoke a joint
happy I’d just say just go smoke a joint listen to Bob Marley and just call it a
listen to Bob Marley and just call it a
listen to Bob Marley and just call it a day we don’t need any of this TEDx stuff
day we don’t need any of this TEDx stuff
day we don’t need any of this TEDx stuff you know life isn’t about being happy
you know life isn’t about being happy
you know life isn’t about being happy life is a roller coaster of crazy
life is a roller coaster of crazy
life is a roller coaster of crazy emotions one second you’re fine and the
emotions one second you’re fine and the
emotions one second you’re fine and the next second you feel lonely and despair
next second you feel lonely and despair
next second you feel lonely and despair and like nothing’s ever gonna be okay
and like nothing’s ever gonna be okay
and like nothing’s ever gonna be okay again
again
again it’s not about emotions it’s not about
it’s not about emotions it’s not about
it’s not about emotions it’s not about how you feel second a second it’s about
how you feel second a second it’s about
how you feel second a second it’s about what you’re making of your life and
what you’re making of your life and
what you’re making of your life and whether you can find a deep pride in who
whether you can find a deep pride in who
whether you can find a deep pride in who you are and what you’ve given because
you are and what you’ve given because
you are and what you’ve given because that’s so much more impactful so much
that’s so much more impactful so much
that’s so much more impactful so much deeper than whether you’re happy or
deeper than whether you’re happy or
deeper than whether you’re happy or content or joyful it’s okay to feel pain
content or joyful it’s okay to feel pain
content or joyful it’s okay to feel pain in fact if you can actually experience
in fact if you can actually experience
in fact if you can actually experience it some judgment without you know trying
it some judgment without you know trying
it some judgment without you know trying to fix anything nothing’s wrong with any
to fix anything nothing’s wrong with any
to fix anything nothing’s wrong with any of you nothing’s wrong with me I don’t
of you nothing’s wrong with me I don’t
of you nothing’s wrong with me I don’t care that I’m sick at all genuinely if a
care that I’m sick at all genuinely if a
care that I’m sick at all genuinely if a cure came tomorrow I wouldn’t care
cure came tomorrow I wouldn’t care
cure came tomorrow I wouldn’t care because that has not determined the
because that has not determined the
because that has not determined the quality of my life I’m not trying to fix
quality of my life I’m not trying to fix
quality of my life I’m not trying to fix myself my suffering has given me so much
myself my suffering has given me so much
myself my suffering has given me so much and I’ve been able to make something and
and I’ve been able to make something and
and I’ve been able to make something and give something to people from it so now
give something to people from it so now
give something to people from it so now I’m gonna go off in a completely random
I’m gonna go off in a completely random
I’m gonna go off in a completely random note to finish this because if Claire
note to finish this because if Claire
note to finish this because if Claire wine them is good at anything
wine them is good at anything
wine them is good at anything it is blabbering about random subjects
it is blabbering about random subjects
it is blabbering about random subjects so the title of my talk was Dionysus the
so the title of my talk was Dionysus the
so the title of my talk was Dionysus the rising and dying God from it was the
rising and dying God from it was the
rising and dying God from it was the dying and recognized Dionysus is a Greek
dying and recognized Dionysus is a Greek
dying and recognized Dionysus is a Greek god that I stumbled upon recently about
god that I stumbled upon recently about
god that I stumbled upon recently about researching writing my book and he’s the
researching writing my book and he’s the
researching writing my book and he’s the god of fermentation and harvest right so
god of fermentation and harvest right so
god of fermentation and harvest right so he initially brought with him wine and
he initially brought with him wine and
he initially brought with him wine and here’s the fun story when wine was
here’s the fun story when wine was
here’s the fun story when wine was originally given to people they believed
originally given to people they believed
originally given to people they believed they had been poisoned they thought that
they had been poisoned they thought that
they had been poisoned they thought that it was a curse from the gods because
it was a curse from the gods because
it was a curse from the gods because they had done something wrong and this
they had done something wrong and this
they had done something wrong and this is because no one knew what it felt like
is because no one knew what it felt like
is because no one knew what it felt like to be drunk everyone thought that they
to be drunk everyone thought that they
to be drunk everyone thought that they had been poisoned and they were slowly
had been poisoned and they were slowly
had been poisoned and they were slowly dying so they prayed to the gods to get
dying so they prayed to the gods to get
dying so they prayed to the gods to get rid of this poison they’d do better
rid of this poison they’d do better
rid of this poison they’d do better they’d be better people please save me
they’d be better people please save me
they’d be better people please save me from this curse and as the years went on
from this curse and as the years went on
from this curse and as the years went on and they realized they weren’t dying
and they realized they weren’t dying
and they realized they weren’t dying they realized in fact it was kind of fun
they realized in fact it was kind of fun
they realized in fact it was kind of fun they started to praise wine is one of
they started to praise wine is one of
they started to praise wine is one of the biggest gifts ever given to humanity
the biggest gifts ever given to humanity
the biggest gifts ever given to humanity and when you think about what wine is
and when you think about what wine is
and when you think about what wine is how it comes about it’s from
how it comes about it’s from
how it comes about it’s from fermentation
fermentation
fermentation it’s from rot fermentation is literal
it’s from rot fermentation is literal
it’s from rot fermentation is literal rot of food and of grapes and whatever
rot of food and of grapes and whatever
rot of food and of grapes and whatever and yet the biggest gift that we could
and yet the biggest gift that we could
and yet the biggest gift that we could ever imagine came from it so we started
ever imagine came from it so we started
ever imagine came from it so we started to praise Dionysus as giving us this
to praise Dionysus as giving us this
to praise Dionysus as giving us this beautiful gift and the reason I bring
beautiful gift and the reason I bring
beautiful gift and the reason I bring this up is because it’s very similar to
this up is because it’s very similar to
this up is because it’s very similar to the way that people see sickness we view
the way that people see sickness we view
the way that people see sickness we view it as a curse because we don’t
it as a curse because we don’t
it as a curse because we don’t understand it
understand it
understand it view it as a curse in the gods because
view it as a curse in the gods because
view it as a curse in the gods because we haven’t come to appreciate our own
we haven’t come to appreciate our own
we haven’t come to appreciate our own human suffering but if we wait long
human suffering but if we wait long
human suffering but if we wait long enough and if we enjoy it and if we go
enough and if we enjoy it and if we go
enough and if we enjoy it and if we go through life and try and make something
through life and try and make something
through life and try and make something of ourselves maybe one day we can
of ourselves maybe one day we can
of ourselves maybe one day we can realize it’s actually again thank you
realize it’s actually again thank you
realize it’s actually again thank you very much I have five seconds luck
”
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