all right we’re going to get personal today because we’re gonna be talking
today because we’re gonna be talking
today because we’re gonna be talking about your love life that’s right not
about your love life that’s right not
about your love life that’s right not mine yours I know it’s such an exciting
mine yours I know it’s such an exciting
mine yours I know it’s such an exciting topic I can hear your responses now what
topic I can hear your responses now what
topic I can hear your responses now what love life Ruby where all the great men
love life Ruby where all the great men
love life Ruby where all the great men where all the great women dating is hard
where all the great women dating is hard
where all the great women dating is hard relationships are hard
relationships are hard
relationships are hard I get it and I’m gonna be very real with
I get it and I’m gonna be very real with
I get it and I’m gonna be very real with you today so please know that it’s all
you today so please know that it’s all
you today so please know that it’s all coming from my heart and it’s because I
coming from my heart and it’s because I
coming from my heart and it’s because I truly care and I want to help because
truly care and I want to help because
truly care and I want to help because I’m going to share with you the secret
I’m going to share with you the secret
I’m going to share with you the secret answer to the big question the reason
answer to the big question the reason
answer to the big question the reason why it’s so hard to find a great date
why it’s so hard to find a great date
why it’s so hard to find a great date nonetheless love it’s because of you
nonetheless love it’s because of you
nonetheless love it’s because of you that’s right okay calm down no need to
that’s right okay calm down no need to
that’s right okay calm down no need to throw me off the stage I will explain so
throw me off the stage I will explain so
throw me off the stage I will explain so as you know I’m a private date coach and
as you know I’m a private date coach and
as you know I’m a private date coach and a matchmaker and even though my career
a matchmaker and even though my career
a matchmaker and even though my career path has been quite unconventional today
path has been quite unconventional today
path has been quite unconventional today I want to talk about the unconventional
I want to talk about the unconventional
I want to talk about the unconventional road to love because sometimes you need
road to love because sometimes you need
road to love because sometimes you need to take that other route to get to that
to take that other route to get to that
to take that other route to get to that special someone that will make you happy
special someone that will make you happy
special someone that will make you happy so to kick-start this I want to share
so to kick-start this I want to share
so to kick-start this I want to share with you a quick story I had a client he
with you a quick story I had a client he
with you a quick story I had a client he went on his first date and he came back
went on his first date and he came back
went on his first date and he came back to me a report and how it went and I can
to me a report and how it went and I can
to me a report and how it went and I can already tell he was really excited and
already tell he was really excited and
already tell he was really excited and he tells me Ruby that was one of the
he tells me Ruby that was one of the
he tells me Ruby that was one of the most amazing dates I’ve ever been on
most amazing dates I’ve ever been on
most amazing dates I’ve ever been on she’s passionate she has a lovely smile
she’s passionate she has a lovely smile
she’s passionate she has a lovely smile we got along so well we connected we had
we got along so well we connected we had
we got along so well we connected we had chemistry we got so many common interest
chemistry we got so many common interest
chemistry we got so many common interest but I’m not going to see her again what
but I’m not going to see her again what
but I’m not going to see her again what okay so I waited for him to proceed to
okay so I waited for him to proceed to
okay so I waited for him to proceed to tell me why and he tells me Ruby her
tell me why and he tells me Ruby her
tell me why and he tells me Ruby her hair is like Medusa okay I’ve never
hair is like Medusa okay I’ve never
hair is like Medusa okay I’ve never heard that before um so I challenged him
heard that before um so I challenged him
heard that before um so I challenged him to go on a second date with her because
to go on a second date with her because
to go on a second date with her because bad hair is something you can fix or
bad hair is something you can fix or
bad hair is something you can fix or work with my mistake was that I didn’t
work with my mistake was that I didn’t
work with my mistake was that I didn’t tell him the step-by-step approach and
tell him the step-by-step approach and
tell him the step-by-step approach and how to fix the issue because what ended
how to fix the issue because what ended
how to fix the issue because what ended up happening was on the second date he
up happening was on the second date he
up happening was on the second date he ended up taking her to the hair salon
ended up taking her to the hair salon
ended up taking her to the hair salon where he had a set appointment already
where he had a set appointment already
where he had a set appointment already for her and oh and wait for it and he
for her and oh and wait for it and he
for her and oh and wait for it and he already talked to the hairstylist and
already talked to the hairstylist and
already talked to the hairstylist and showed the hairstylist a photo of the
showed the hairstylist a photo of the
showed the hairstylist a photo of the hair he wanted her to have
hair he wanted her to have
hair he wanted her to have yeah bad move exactly so as you can
yeah bad move exactly so as you can
yeah bad move exactly so as you can guess she never saw him again
guess she never saw him again
guess she never saw him again she did she did get it a hair stylist
she did she did get it a hair stylist
she did she did get it a hair stylist don’t know on that date but she never
don’t know on that date but she never
don’t know on that date but she never saw him again
saw him again
saw him again this client ruined all chances he had
this client ruined all chances he had
this client ruined all chances he had with this fantastic lady because of the
with this fantastic lady because of the
with this fantastic lady because of the issue he had with her hair and I will
issue he had with her hair and I will
issue he had with her hair and I will tell you that after that he had a really
tell you that after that he had a really
tell you that after that he had a really tough time finding anybody else even
tough time finding anybody else even
tough time finding anybody else even close to her personality or even close
close to her personality or even close
close to her personality or even close to that connection that connection is
to that connection that connection is
to that connection that connection is hard to find so what’s the main issue
hard to find so what’s the main issue
hard to find so what’s the main issue people are rejecting great potential
people are rejecting great potential
people are rejecting great potential matches for the smallest reasons we are
matches for the smallest reasons we are
matches for the smallest reasons we are so focused on our fantasy on the ideal
so focused on our fantasy on the ideal
so focused on our fantasy on the ideal match the ideal Road that we forget
match the ideal Road that we forget
match the ideal Road that we forget reality we forget what’s really
reality we forget what’s really
reality we forget what’s really important in a relationship so I want
important in a relationship so I want
important in a relationship so I want you to think of the qualities you want
you to think of the qualities you want
you to think of the qualities you want in somebody and how that could possibly
in somebody and how that could possibly
in somebody and how that could possibly be stopping you from finding love or
be stopping you from finding love or
be stopping you from finding love or even if you’re in a relationship what’s
even if you’re in a relationship what’s
even if you’re in a relationship what’s stopping that relationship from
stopping that relationship from
stopping that relationship from progressing and as you think of that I’m
progressing and as you think of that I’m
progressing and as you think of that I’m going to share with you and debunk the
going to share with you and debunk the
going to share with you and debunk the most popular deal-breakers that I’ve had
most popular deal-breakers that I’ve had
most popular deal-breakers that I’ve had to constantly challenge my clients in
to constantly challenge my clients in
to constantly challenge my clients in and by the way I call them deal-breakers
and by the way I call them deal-breakers
and by the way I call them deal-breakers not preferences even though a lot of
not preferences even though a lot of
not preferences even though a lot of people will say that because if you’re
people will say that because if you’re
people will say that because if you’re going to reject someone based off of one
going to reject someone based off of one
going to reject someone based off of one factor that’s a deal-breaker so the
factor that’s a deal-breaker so the
factor that’s a deal-breaker so the first one I want to talk about is height
first one I want to talk about is height
first one I want to talk about is height that’s right ladies I’m looking at you
that’s right ladies I’m looking at you
that’s right ladies I’m looking at you ladies who want someone five inches or a
ladies who want someone five inches or a
ladies who want someone five inches or a whole foot taller than them there is no
whole foot taller than them there is no
whole foot taller than them there is no direct correlation between the height of
direct correlation between the height of
direct correlation between the height of a man and how he’s going to treat you
a man and how he’s going to treat you
a man and how he’s going to treat you the height of the man is not the
the height of the man is not the
the height of the man is not the predictor of a long-lasting happy
predictor of a long-lasting happy
predictor of a long-lasting happy relationship in fact there was a
relationship in fact there was a
relationship in fact there was a research done that reported it’s shorter
research done that reported it’s shorter
research done that reported it’s shorter men marry later in life but they are
men marry later in life but they are
men marry later in life but they are thirty two percent less likely to
thirty two percent less likely to
thirty two percent less likely to divorce and more average they are more
divorce and more average they are more
divorce and more average they are more successful right so what am I trying to
successful right so what am I trying to
successful right so what am I trying to say just date someone taller
say just date someone taller
say just date someone taller don’t put inches to it because I do
don’t put inches to it because I do
don’t put inches to it because I do understand that ladies we do like to
understand that ladies we do like to
understand that ladies we do like to feel small next to our man we like to
feel small next to our man we like to
feel small next to our man we like to feel feminine safe protected secure and
feel feminine safe protected secure and
feel feminine safe protected secure and a lot of times height translates to
a lot of times height translates to
a lot of times height translates to strength but I will say that a man can
strength but I will say that a man can
strength but I will say that a man can make you feel all those things even if
make you feel all those things even if
make you feel all those things even if he wasn’t tall but once again I
he wasn’t tall but once again I
he wasn’t tall but once again I understand so if you’re 511 and you want
understand so if you’re 511 and you want
understand so if you’re 511 and you want someone six feet tall I get it but if
someone six feet tall I get it but if
someone six feet tall I get it but if you’re five feet tall like I am and you
you’re five feet tall like I am and you
you’re five feet tall like I am and you require
require
require someone to be six feet tall and I see it
someone to be six feet tall and I see it
someone to be six feet tall and I see it plenty of times you are eliminating a
plenty of times you are eliminating a
plenty of times you are eliminating a lot of great people that can make you
lot of great people that can make you
lot of great people that can make you happy and the excuse of well I like to
happy and the excuse of well I like to
happy and the excuse of well I like to wear heels well when you retired that is
wear heels well when you retired that is
wear heels well when you retired that is not going to be a priority trust me
not going to be a priority trust me
not going to be a priority trust me alright so the second zeal breaker I
alright so the second zeal breaker I
alright so the second zeal breaker I want to talk about it’s a more hot and
want to talk about it’s a more hot and
want to talk about it’s a more hot and sensitive issue it’s race right there
sensitive issue it’s race right there
sensitive issue it’s race right there has been a great trend in dating outside
has been a great trend in dating outside
has been a great trend in dating outside of your own race which is great I
of your own race which is great I
of your own race which is great I encourage people to date and be open to
encourage people to date and be open to
encourage people to date and be open to all races the issue is that people
all races the issue is that people
all races the issue is that people aren’t they’re only open to one specific
aren’t they’re only open to one specific
aren’t they’re only open to one specific race and usually outside of their own
race and usually outside of their own
race and usually outside of their own because they dated their own before and
because they dated their own before and
because they dated their own before and a lot of times people have dated maybe
a lot of times people have dated maybe
a lot of times people have dated maybe another race and they decided that I
another race and they decided that I
another race and they decided that I don’t want that race anymore what’s
don’t want that race anymore what’s
don’t want that race anymore what’s happening
happening
happening generalizing for some people they think
generalizing for some people they think
generalizing for some people they think that because maybe you’ve dated a couple
that because maybe you’ve dated a couple
that because maybe you’ve dated a couple Asian females we’re all the same but you
Asian females we’re all the same but you
Asian females we’re all the same but you guys know you sitting in those seats you
guys know you sitting in those seats you
guys know you sitting in those seats you know you are not exactly the same as
know you are not exactly the same as
know you are not exactly the same as everybody else of your own race I as an
everybody else of your own race I as an
everybody else of your own race I as an Asian female pretty sure I’m not the
Asian female pretty sure I’m not the
Asian female pretty sure I’m not the same as every other Asian female in this
same as every other Asian female in this
same as every other Asian female in this room right there was an analysis done
room right there was an analysis done
room right there was an analysis done that on racial bias in selection and
that on racial bias in selection and
that on racial bias in selection and they showed that singles favor white men
they showed that singles favor white men
they showed that singles favor white men and Asian females but I’m not going to
and Asian females but I’m not going to
and Asian females but I’m not going to talk about that topic today that’s a
talk about that topic today that’s a
talk about that topic today that’s a whole another story instead I wanted you
whole another story instead I wanted you
whole another story instead I wanted you to share the interesting reporting of
to share the interesting reporting of
to share the interesting reporting of the difference between racial bias
the difference between racial bias
the difference between racial bias attitude and behavior because even
attitude and behavior because even
attitude and behavior because even though answered have answers have showed
though answered have answers have showed
though answered have answers have showed a decrease in racial bias over time
a decrease in racial bias over time
a decrease in racial bias over time behavior showed an increase and more
behavior showed an increase and more
behavior showed an increase and more intense racial bias so what is that
intense racial bias so what is that
intense racial bias so what is that saying that what people are saying is
saying that what people are saying is
saying that what people are saying is not what they’re doing they can say
not what they’re doing they can say
not what they’re doing they can say their opens all races but they’re
their opens all races but they’re
their opens all races but they’re actually not recognize this recognize if
actually not recognize this recognize if
actually not recognize this recognize if you’re rejecting someone based off of
you’re rejecting someone based off of
you’re rejecting someone based off of something they can’t control a
something they can’t control a
something they can’t control a relationship should be built on the
relationship should be built on the
relationship should be built on the right foundation on compatibility on
right foundation on compatibility on
right foundation on compatibility on attraction yes but not solely based off
attraction yes but not solely based off
attraction yes but not solely based off the color of someone’s skin or the
the color of someone’s skin or the
the color of someone’s skin or the stereotype that might follow a certain
stereotype that might follow a certain
stereotype that might follow a certain ethnicity and a lot of people fantasize
ethnicity and a lot of people fantasize
ethnicity and a lot of people fantasize about a certain stereotype so I
about a certain stereotype so I
about a certain stereotype so I challenge you to think and discuss of
challenge you to think and discuss of
challenge you to think and discuss of your racial preferences in a match and
your racial preferences in a match and
your racial preferences in a match and if it’s because of culture traditions
if it’s because of culture traditions
if it’s because of culture traditions family your upbringing who you are as a
family your upbringing who you are as a
family your upbringing who you are as a person I completely understand that but
person I completely understand that but
person I completely understand that but if you’re going to tell everybody and I
if you’re going to tell everybody and I
if you’re going to tell everybody and I that you want a specific race just
that you want a specific race just
that you want a specific race just because that’s what you’re attracted to
because that’s what you’re attracted to
because that’s what you’re attracted to facing attractiveness solely on race is
facing attractiveness solely on race is
facing attractiveness solely on race is fetishizing right and speaking of
fetishizing right and speaking of
fetishizing right and speaking of attraction
attraction
attraction that’s the third deal-breaker attraction
that’s the third deal-breaker attraction
that’s the third deal-breaker attraction and appearance they kind of type two and
and appearance they kind of type two and
and appearance they kind of type two and two together and what I will say is that
two together and what I will say is that
two together and what I will say is that it is very important attraction appears
it is very important attraction appears
it is very important attraction appears chemistry it is but it doesn’t happen
chemistry it is but it doesn’t happen
chemistry it is but it doesn’t happen instantly you know chemistry cannot be
instantly you know chemistry cannot be
instantly you know chemistry cannot be assessed in one meeting there are so
assessed in one meeting there are so
assessed in one meeting there are so many layers to chemistry and there’s so
many layers to chemistry and there’s so
many layers to chemistry and there’s so many ways that someone could be
many ways that someone could be
many ways that someone could be attractive right it’s their humor it’s
attractive right it’s their humor it’s
attractive right it’s their humor it’s their confidence it’s the way they treat
their confidence it’s the way they treat
their confidence it’s the way they treat you is their ambition it’s their
you is their ambition it’s their
you is their ambition it’s their intelligence and you don’t want to be
intelligence and you don’t want to be
intelligence and you don’t want to be with someone who you’re highly attracted
with someone who you’re highly attracted
with someone who you’re highly attracted to anyways because you start to change
to anyways because you start to change
to anyways because you start to change you start to want to become that
you start to want to become that
you start to want to become that person’s ideal partner and you don’t
person’s ideal partner and you don’t
person’s ideal partner and you don’t even realize it so men I’m talking to
even realize it so men I’m talking to
even realize it so men I’m talking to you now because men when you are
you now because men when you are
you now because men when you are presented with a highly attractive lady
presented with a highly attractive lady
presented with a highly attractive lady everything goes out the door everything
everything goes out the door everything
everything goes out the door everything and you don’t even realize it she could
and you don’t even realize it she could
and you don’t even realize it she could sit there and go like oh man I love her
sit there and go like oh man I love her
sit there and go like oh man I love her you know so recognize this watch out for
you know so recognize this watch out for
you know so recognize this watch out for please be careful in quick judgments and
please be careful in quick judgments and
please be careful in quick judgments and quick rejections based off of appearance
quick rejections based off of appearance
quick rejections based off of appearance so women don’t reject a man because he
so women don’t reject a man because he
so women don’t reject a man because he has facial hair or men don’t reject a
has facial hair or men don’t reject a
has facial hair or men don’t reject a woman because she has short hair that
woman because she has short hair that
woman because she has short hair that can change it’s hair don’t put so much
can change it’s hair don’t put so much
can change it’s hair don’t put so much emphasis on photos or first glances you
emphasis on photos or first glances you
emphasis on photos or first glances you know I do understand if you look at a
know I do understand if you look at a
know I do understand if you look at a photo and your reaction is oh okay okay
photo and your reaction is oh okay okay
photo and your reaction is oh okay okay you can pass but if you hesitate look
you can pass but if you hesitate look
you can pass but if you hesitate look back at that photo and think if that
back at that photo and think if that
back at that photo and think if that person literally had every single
person literally had every single
person literally had every single quality you could ever want somebody and
quality you could ever want somebody and
quality you could ever want somebody and they make you happy
they make you happy
they make you happy can you really not stand that face and
can you really not stand that face and
can you really not stand that face and so think think of your type everybody
so think think of your type everybody
so think think of your type everybody has a type think of that type and where
has a type think of that type and where
has a type think of that type and where did that even come from what influenced
did that even come from what influenced
did that even come from what influenced you to have that type what does that
you to have that type what does that
you to have that type what does that type do for you okay because what starts
type do for you okay because what starts
type do for you okay because what starts to happen is you see I’m not trying to
to happen is you see I’m not trying to
to happen is you see I’m not trying to tell you that you can’t have any of
tell you that you can’t have any of
tell you that you can’t have any of these qualities above I’m saying figure
these qualities above I’m saying figure
these qualities above I’m saying figure out what’s really important to you
out what’s really important to you
out what’s really important to you there’s so many online dating sites and
there’s so many online dating sites and
there’s so many online dating sites and apps now that people start joining these
apps now that people start joining these
apps now that people start joining these and they don’t even know what they want
and they don’t even know what they want
and they don’t even know what they want they just start rejecting and swiping
they just start rejecting and swiping
they just start rejecting and swiping away so that’s why I encourage make a
away so that’s why I encourage make a
away so that’s why I encourage make a list make a list of ten qualities that
list make a list of ten qualities that
list make a list of ten qualities that you want to somebody and this includes
you want to somebody and this includes
you want to somebody and this includes demographics personality traits
demographics personality traits
demographics personality traits lifestyle not chemistry because that
lifestyle not chemistry because that
lifestyle not chemistry because that can’t be measured and if someone meets
can’t be measured and if someone meets
can’t be measured and if someone meets eight out of ten of that be open go on a
eight out of ten of that be open go on a
eight out of ten of that be open go on a date with them why not so what should
date with them why not so what should
date with them why not so what should you really be focused on core beliefs
you really be focused on core beliefs
you really be focused on core beliefs and values similar goals lifestyle you
and values similar goals lifestyle you
and values similar goals lifestyle you know focus on what’s good for you
know focus on what’s good for you
know focus on what’s good for you because being in a relationship being in
because being in a relationship being in
because being in a relationship being in love means that that person is going to
love means that that person is going to
love means that that person is going to make you want to be better they
make you want to be better they
make you want to be better they challenge you and they’re your biggest
challenge you and they’re your biggest
challenge you and they’re your biggest supporter they compliment you and
supporter they compliment you and
supporter they compliment you and they’re balance you out as well if you
they’re balance you out as well if you
they’re balance you out as well if you don’t want to date yourself trust me
don’t want to date yourself trust me
don’t want to date yourself trust me it’s going to get boring right so I mean
it’s going to get boring right so I mean
it’s going to get boring right so I mean how is height going to make you a better
how is height going to make you a better
how is height going to make you a better person how is the color of someone’s
person how is the color of someone’s
person how is the color of someone’s skin going to make you better so the
skin going to make you better so the
skin going to make you better so the next time you question or hesitate on
next time you question or hesitate on
next time you question or hesitate on somebody I really encourage you to
somebody I really encourage you to
somebody I really encourage you to challenge yourself and figure out how
challenge yourself and figure out how
challenge yourself and figure out how important really is this my story see I
important really is this my story see I
important really is this my story see I met a man online and we fell in love
met a man online and we fell in love
met a man online and we fell in love really hard and really fast and it was
really hard and really fast and it was
really hard and really fast and it was pick paper picture-perfect and
pick paper picture-perfect and
pick paper picture-perfect and everything and then we got engaged
everything and then we got engaged
everything and then we got engaged within a year was a flash mob dance and
within a year was a flash mob dance and
within a year was a flash mob dance and everything the thing is is that he
everything the thing is is that he
everything the thing is is that he wasn’t right for me and I realized that
wasn’t right for me and I realized that
wasn’t right for me and I realized that I was so stuck on this story I was so
I was so stuck on this story I was so
I was so stuck on this story I was so stuck on that perfect story that that
stuck on that perfect story that that
stuck on that perfect story that that road I wanted to travel that I realized
road I wanted to travel that I realized
road I wanted to travel that I realized I actually wasn’t happy and my best
I actually wasn’t happy and my best
I actually wasn’t happy and my best decision was not only stepping away from
decision was not only stepping away from
decision was not only stepping away from that relationship but giving the chance
that relationship but giving the chance
that relationship but giving the chance to someone that really wasn’t my type
to someone that really wasn’t my type
to someone that really wasn’t my type and not an age range that I wanted I was
and not an age range that I wanted I was
and not an age range that I wanted I was really stubborn on age for some reason
really stubborn on age for some reason
really stubborn on age for some reason and once I became open to that I
and once I became open to that I
and once I became open to that I realized how attractive he was because
realized how attractive he was because
realized how attractive he was because he makes me happy and he made me better
he makes me happy and he made me better
he makes me happy and he made me better and he’s good for me so let’s go back to
and he’s good for me so let’s go back to
and he’s good for me so let’s go back to the answer of the reason why it’s so
the answer of the reason why it’s so
the answer of the reason why it’s so hard to find love is because of you good
hard to find love is because of you good
hard to find love is because of you good news is is that you can change it it’s
news is is that you can change it it’s
news is is that you can change it it’s your love life recognize your fantasies
your love life recognize your fantasies
your love life recognize your fantasies the limitations that might be stopping
the limitations that might be stopping
the limitations that might be stopping you today because most of my successful
you today because most of my successful
you today because most of my successful couples that are married or happy in a
couples that are married or happy in a
couples that are married or happy in a relationship they had to be open and
relationship they had to be open and
relationship they had to be open and adaptable and challenge
adaptable and challenge
adaptable and challenge selves because they know that being in a
selves because they know that being in a
selves because they know that being in a relationship means you’re going to have
relationship means you’re going to have
relationship means you’re going to have to make compromises you’re going to have
to make compromises you’re going to have
to make compromises you’re going to have to step down sometimes and apologize and
to step down sometimes and apologize and
to step down sometimes and apologize and I know it’s hard but we’re going to need
I know it’s hard but we’re going to need
I know it’s hard but we’re going to need to do something different to get
to do something different to get
to do something different to get something different and dating is really
something different and dating is really
something different and dating is really tough nowadays because everybody’s
tough nowadays because everybody’s
tough nowadays because everybody’s looking for that perfect person but
looking for that perfect person but
looking for that perfect person but sometimes it’s that imperfect person
sometimes it’s that imperfect person
sometimes it’s that imperfect person that can make you perfectly happy thank
that can make you perfectly happy thank
that can make you perfectly happy thank you so much for listening
you so much for listening
you so much for listening [Applause]
”
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