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From turmoil to forgiveness: how to become whole | Deng Adut | TEDxMelbourne


dang thank you for being with us today

dang thank you for being with us today it’s really just such an inspirational

it’s really just such an inspirational

it’s really just such an inspirational story so you were taken from your family

story so you were taken from your family

story so you were taken from your family when you’re was just six years old you

when you’re was just six years old you

when you’re was just six years old you lost your right to be a child you’re

lost your right to be a child you’re

lost your right to be a child you’re brainwashed to be a killing machine how

brainwashed to be a killing machine how

brainwashed to be a killing machine how did you survive that just by luck I

did you survive that just by luck I

did you survive that just by luck I guess

guess

guess yeah I feel really believing that luck

yeah I feel really believing that luck

yeah I feel really believing that luck luck Lots and people around you what do

luck Lots and people around you what do

luck Lots and people around you what do you mean by luck well duh I didn’t know

you mean by luck well duh I didn’t know

you mean by luck well duh I didn’t know that I could have survived 3 3,000 miles

that I could have survived 3 3,000 miles

that I could have survived 3 3,000 miles from my home country to another country

from my home country to another country

from my home country to another country and despite the fact that I didn’t have

and despite the fact that I didn’t have

and despite the fact that I didn’t have any clothing or shoe on food to take on

any clothing or shoe on food to take on

any clothing or shoe on food to take on a journey and blast the fact that we

a journey and blast the fact that we

a journey and blast the fact that we were traveling in the desert it’s more

were traveling in the desert it’s more

were traveling in the desert it’s more desert yeah and wildlife and getting to

desert yeah and wildlife and getting to

desert yeah and wildlife and getting to that that place that country if he Oh

that that place that country if he Oh

that that place that country if he Oh Pierre there’s a matter of luck for me

Pierre there’s a matter of luck for me

Pierre there’s a matter of luck for me because many people didn’t survive the

because many people didn’t survive the

because many people didn’t survive the journey did you make it there and

journey did you make it there and

journey did you make it there and because I made it there I counted that

because I made it there I counted that

because I made it there I counted that as one of my one of my treasure in life

as one of my one of my treasure in life

as one of my one of my treasure in life that I treasure every day are celebrated

that I treasure every day are celebrated

that I treasure every day are celebrated and then being in Ethiopia suffer from

and then being in Ethiopia suffer from

and then being in Ethiopia suffer from diseases and being crippled including my

diseases and being crippled including my

diseases and being crippled including my intestine to the point that I lost my

intestine to the point that I lost my

intestine to the point that I lost my mind and feeding and human human dance

mind and feeding and human human dance

mind and feeding and human human dance perhaps and survivor run away again from

perhaps and survivor run away again from

perhaps and survivor run away again from war and participate in in a war and war

war and participate in in a war and war

war and participate in in a war and war that I would describe as a

that I would describe as a

that I would describe as a from an old war there’s nothing to do

from an old war there’s nothing to do

from an old war there’s nothing to do that made that all was in mine will

that made that all was in mine will

that made that all was in mine will never be mine so I think I’m lucky yeah

never be mine so I think I’m lucky yeah

never be mine so I think I’m lucky yeah and being in this beautiful country yeah

and being in this beautiful country yeah

and being in this beautiful country yeah I’m lucky so I read your book and

I’m lucky so I read your book and

I’m lucky so I read your book and there’s a passage in there that really

there’s a passage in there that really

there’s a passage in there that really resonated with me and would you read it

resonated with me and would you read it

resonated with me and would you read it for us yeah I would love for you to

for us yeah I would love for you to

for us yeah I would love for you to share that with everyone

share that with everyone

share that with everyone I never completed the rites of passage

I never completed the rites of passage

I never completed the rites of passage that I require to become Dinka man and

that I require to become Dinka man and

that I require to become Dinka man and so in the eyes of some of the people I

so in the eyes of some of the people I

so in the eyes of some of the people I am half made I’m also half made in

am half made I’m also half made in

am half made I’m also half made in estimation of some Australians to those

estimation of some Australians to those

estimation of some Australians to those who cannot accept me as their countrymen

who cannot accept me as their countrymen

who cannot accept me as their countrymen because of the darkness of my skin well

because of the darkness of my skin well

because of the darkness of my skin well I started my life and my assented

I started my life and my assented

I started my life and my assented English I know I am home though yes I

English I know I am home though yes I

English I know I am home though yes I have a difficult life I’m proud of some

have a difficult life I’m proud of some

have a difficult life I’m proud of some of the things I have done and ashamed of

of the things I have done and ashamed of

of the things I have done and ashamed of others but I own all of it and I have

others but I own all of it and I have

others but I own all of it and I have reconciled with all of it that’s why I

reconciled with all of it that’s why I

reconciled with all of it that’s why I am whole thank you thank you

so dang many people grapple with demons

so dang many people grapple with demons from their past whether it be a

from their past whether it be a

from their past whether it be a traumatic childhood or abusive

traumatic childhood or abusive

traumatic childhood or abusive relationship or addiction how did you

relationship or addiction how did you

relationship or addiction how did you reconcile with your past I to be honest

reconcile with your past I to be honest

reconcile with your past I to be honest guys I I celebrate ever everything about

guys I I celebrate ever everything about

guys I I celebrate ever everything about my past

my past

my past I celebrated my failure in life every

I celebrated my failure in life every

I celebrated my failure in life every single one of them if I didn’t score a

single one of them if I didn’t score a

single one of them if I didn’t score a goal today I’ll go and celebrate later

goal today I’ll go and celebrate later

goal today I’ll go and celebrate later I think they are example of accepting

I think they are example of accepting

I think they are example of accepting way going the direction and for me my

way going the direction and for me my

way going the direction and for me my life was horror still an aura but in

life was horror still an aura but in

life was horror still an aura but in order for me to move forward I don’t

order for me to move forward I don’t

order for me to move forward I don’t need to complain about it I don’t need

need to complain about it I don’t need

need to complain about it I don’t need to project that onto people

to project that onto people

to project that onto people I want to own it be responsible for

I want to own it be responsible for

I want to own it be responsible for everything that is whether I made it

everything that is whether I made it

everything that is whether I made it consciously or unconscious decision in

consciously or unconscious decision in

consciously or unconscious decision in that ‘god i don’t think blaming other

that ‘god i don’t think blaming other

that ‘god i don’t think blaming other people for your ancestors fault it’s a

people for your ancestors fault it’s a

people for your ancestors fault it’s a good idea because we live in this moment

good idea because we live in this moment

good idea because we live in this moment and this moment is what actually

and this moment is what actually

and this moment is what actually determined you so you need to change

determined you so you need to change

determined you so you need to change that culture and the culture that i’m

that culture and the culture that i’m

that culture and the culture that i’m talking about it’s the fact that if your

talking about it’s the fact that if your

talking about it’s the fact that if your father with the fisherman just like my

father with the fisherman just like my

father with the fisherman just like my dad was a fisherman and you were the bad

dad was a fisherman and you were the bad

dad was a fisherman and you were the bad fisherman i don’t need to be a bad

fisherman i don’t need to be a bad

fisherman i don’t need to be a bad fisherman i need to be a good fisherman

fisherman i need to be a good fisherman

fisherman i need to be a good fisherman I need to improve my way of life so it

I need to improve my way of life so it

I need to improve my way of life so it came back to the idea of being truthful

came back to the idea of being truthful

came back to the idea of being truthful to yourself and you know in this world

to yourself and you know in this world

to yourself and you know in this world not many people are quite stressful to

not many people are quite stressful to

not many people are quite stressful to themself

themself

themself yeah everything doesn’t go according to

yeah everything doesn’t go according to

yeah everything doesn’t go according to the human humanity when I talk about

the human humanity when I talk about

the human humanity when I talk about humanity is a different topic a

humanity is a different topic a

humanity is a different topic a different subject and yeah I think I

different subject and yeah I think I

different subject and yeah I think I have said your question yeah it did

have said your question yeah it did

have said your question yeah it did so there’s a saying that goes you have

so there’s a saying that goes you have

so there’s a saying that goes you have to be holding yourself to see life as a

to be holding yourself to see life as a

to be holding yourself to see life as a whole this concept of wholeness of

whole this concept of wholeness of

whole this concept of wholeness of completeness you talked about it you

completeness you talked about it you

completeness you talked about it you know accepting and being responsible for

know accepting and being responsible for

know accepting and being responsible for your good and your bad and just being

your good and your bad and just being

your good and your bad and just being you what does being whole mean to you

you what does being whole mean to you

you what does being whole mean to you and why is it important well I forgive

and why is it important well I forgive

and why is it important well I forgive myself I have forgiven my my enemies I

myself I have forgiven my my enemies I

myself I have forgiven my my enemies I don’t have enemies now and if there’s an

don’t have enemies now and if there’s an

don’t have enemies now and if there’s an enemy out there please show your hand so

enemy out there please show your hand so

enemy out there please show your hand so that will make peace I think if we look

that will make peace I think if we look

that will make peace I think if we look at my past I have 19 sha’ban all in my

at my past I have 19 sha’ban all in my

at my past I have 19 sha’ban all in my body that is meaning that I’m disabled

body that is meaning that I’m disabled

body that is meaning that I’m disabled I was shot on my testicle I will blame

I was shot on my testicle I will blame

I was shot on my testicle I will blame that on somebody if I have to but I

that on somebody if I have to but I

that on somebody if I have to but I can’t do that

can’t do that

can’t do that I was shot by with a gun that I didn’t

I was shot by with a gun that I didn’t

I was shot by with a gun that I didn’t make so I can’t blame the man who may

make so I can’t blame the man who may

make so I can’t blame the man who may they got I can go on and on and on again

they got I can go on and on and on again

they got I can go on and on and on again but do I really have time for that

but do I really have time for that

but do I really have time for that I think I’m responsible for today and

I think I’m responsible for today and

I think I’m responsible for today and tomorrow and for me to forgive others

tomorrow and for me to forgive others

tomorrow and for me to forgive others and forgive myself to be able to achieve

and forgive myself to be able to achieve

and forgive myself to be able to achieve my my inner strength or spirit to

my my inner strength or spirit to

my my inner strength or spirit to capture that woman it’s time for

capture that woman it’s time for

capture that woman it’s time for everyone to reflect on what they can do

everyone to reflect on what they can do

everyone to reflect on what they can do to other people because you must come

to other people because you must come

to other people because you must come second you don’t come first and and I

second you don’t come first and and I

second you don’t come first and and I mean you gotta be your

mean you gotta be your

mean you gotta be your model for yourself and then others can

model for yourself and then others can

model for yourself and then others can be you can just follow you and they you

be you can just follow you and they you

be you can just follow you and they you can become their role models because

can become their role models because

can become their role models because there’s no role model in societies that

there’s no role model in societies that

there’s no role model in societies that are actually not a role model for

are actually not a role model for

are actually not a role model for themselves that’s why you see a lot of

themselves that’s why you see a lot of

themselves that’s why you see a lot of problem with people that would think

problem with people that would think

problem with people that would think they a role model because they for mine

they a role model because they for mine

they a role model because they for mine and there’s a lot of problem in human

and there’s a lot of problem in human

and there’s a lot of problem in human the human humans have defects but you

the human humans have defects but you

the human humans have defects but you gotta be a role model for your surfers

gotta be a role model for your surfers

gotta be a role model for your surfers you got to start doing the writing first

you got to start doing the writing first

you got to start doing the writing first if it is not good enough for you and

if it is not good enough for you and

if it is not good enough for you and then it’s not good enough for me if it

then it’s not good enough for me if it

then it’s not good enough for me if it is something that compromises your

is something that compromises your

is something that compromises your position

position

position something that perhaps I could blame on

something that perhaps I could blame on

something that perhaps I could blame on you that you responsible for the bullet

you that you responsible for the bullet

you that you responsible for the bullet that shot me and then don’t do it just

that shot me and then don’t do it just

that shot me and then don’t do it just be a good person because I know if I

be a good person because I know if I

be a good person because I know if I have to do exactly what other people

have to do exactly what other people

have to do exactly what other people have done for me I’ll be fighting for

have done for me I’ll be fighting for

have done for me I’ll be fighting for the rest of my life I would die and come

the rest of my life I would die and come

the rest of my life I would die and come back and try to find a dude that shot me

back and try to find a dude that shot me

back and try to find a dude that shot me and Judith touching me I’ll come back

and Judith touching me I’ll come back

and Judith touching me I’ll come back again and try to do it and I that cycle

again and try to do it and I that cycle

again and try to do it and I that cycle is what guitars to this place as

is what guitars to this place as

is what guitars to this place as humanity cycle or repeating the same

humanity cycle or repeating the same

humanity cycle or repeating the same things over again and it’s wrong all

things over again and it’s wrong all

things over again and it’s wrong all wrong things there’s no need to repeat

wrong things there’s no need to repeat

wrong things there’s no need to repeat things just think about others before

things just think about others before

things just think about others before yourself what they’re going through the

yourself what they’re going through the

yourself what they’re going through the trauma that is going through there they

trauma that is going through there they

trauma that is going through there they bought it body their mind think about

bought it body their mind think about

bought it body their mind think about think like today I’m wearing a soft

think like today I’m wearing a soft

think like today I’m wearing a soft maybe you guys are not wearing it it’s

maybe you guys are not wearing it it’s

maybe you guys are not wearing it it’s mean yes for me

I simply stopped to become an oppressor

I simply stopped to become an oppressor I will never press ENTER 1 and assume

I will never press ENTER 1 and assume

I will never press ENTER 1 and assume you are in the position that we talking

you are in the position that we talking

you are in the position that we talking about today

about today

about today you are in position now whether its

you are in position now whether its

you are in position now whether its moral or legal position and then try to

moral or legal position and then try to

moral or legal position and then try to justify that why is it important to you

justify that why is it important to you

justify that why is it important to you and why is it not important to me so

and why is it not important to me so

and why is it not important to me so when you put yourself first you put a ma

when you put yourself first you put a ma

when you put yourself first you put a ma you put a marker and that marker must be

you put a marker and that marker must be

you put a marker and that marker must be a right mark but when you don’t put

a right mark but when you don’t put

a right mark but when you don’t put yourself talk about others when you

yourself talk about others when you

yourself talk about others when you don’t even know who you are

don’t even know who you are

don’t even know who you are and then basically you make a lot of

and then basically you make a lot of

and then basically you make a lot of mistake and that’s why today we’re

mistake and that’s why today we’re

mistake and that’s why today we’re making a lot of mistakes in everything

making a lot of mistakes in everything

making a lot of mistakes in everything that we do in our life we copied from a

that we do in our life we copied from a

that we do in our life we copied from a copycat who copied from another copycat

copycat who copied from another copycat

copycat who copied from another copycat well copy from another copycat and that

well copy from another copycat and that

well copy from another copycat and that is a problem so try to be whole try to

is a problem so try to be whole try to

is a problem so try to be whole try to be yourself try to do everything that is

be yourself try to do everything that is

be yourself try to do everything that is nice and I think everybody else would be

nice and I think everybody else would be

nice and I think everybody else would be happy try to be like a child perhaps try

happy try to be like a child perhaps try

happy try to be like a child perhaps try to ask question why are we in these mess

to ask question why are we in these mess

to ask question why are we in these mess final an answer that truthfully don’t

final an answer that truthfully don’t

final an answer that truthfully don’t shy away

shy away

shy away don’t shy why we in this mess why did I

don’t shy why we in this mess why did I

don’t shy why we in this mess why did I come to this country how’s that question

come to this country how’s that question

come to this country how’s that question you’re my friend try to have that

you’re my friend try to have that

you’re my friend try to have that question maybe there’s a solution that

question maybe there’s a solution that

question maybe there’s a solution that you got a solution guys and I know you

you got a solution guys and I know you

you got a solution guys and I know you are beautiful people try to think for

are beautiful people try to think for

are beautiful people try to think for the solution as yourself question got to

the solution as yourself question got to

the solution as yourself question got to put an end to this mess and I mean you

put an end to this mess and I mean you

put an end to this mess and I mean you gotta start from yourself and then I’m

gotta start from yourself and then I’m

gotta start from yourself and then I’m second so dang I’ve learned yesterday

second so dang I’ve learned yesterday

second so dang I’ve learned yesterday that you’re about to enter a new chapter

that you’re about to enter a new chapter

that you’re about to enter a new chapter of your life you’re gonna be a father

of your life you’re gonna be a father

of your life you’re gonna be a father yes

so speaking about role models

so speaking about role models speaking about seeing the world in the

speaking about seeing the world in the

speaking about seeing the world in the eyes of a child what is the world you

eyes of a child what is the world you

eyes of a child what is the world you want to create for your child

want to create for your child

want to create for your child ah I’m lucky man quite lucky think about

ah I’m lucky man quite lucky think about

ah I’m lucky man quite lucky think about getting shot there and be able to have a

getting shot there and be able to have a

getting shot there and be able to have a child rather than a miracle and you

child rather than a miracle and you

child rather than a miracle and you sound like I’m excited but I’m also

sound like I’m excited but I’m also

sound like I’m excited but I’m also worried I’m worried about the

worried I’m worried about the

worried I’m worried about the environment that my child will be

environment that my child will be

environment that my child will be brought up even though my child will be

brought up even though my child will be

brought up even though my child will be born in the most beautiful country you

born in the most beautiful country you

born in the most beautiful country you know what well we still have so much to

know what well we still have so much to

know what well we still have so much to go we still have to keep other people

go we still have to keep other people

go we still have to keep other people rights

rights

rights don’t deny other people rights so for me

don’t deny other people rights so for me

don’t deny other people rights so for me my child will be born as a warrior I

my child will be born as a warrior I

my child will be born as a warrior I will fight for a right of others will

will fight for a right of others will

will fight for a right of others will know exactly what I mean to be human my

know exactly what I mean to be human my

know exactly what I mean to be human my child will be white and it will be black

child will be white and it will be black

child will be white and it will be black and that child is a balance and you

and that child is a balance and you

and that child is a balance and you can’t tell him go back to where you come

can’t tell him go back to where you come

can’t tell him go back to where you come from because he is from Australia and

from because he is from Australia and

from because he is from Australia and he’s Australian

he’s Australian

he’s Australian that is a child that will make a

that is a child that will make a

that is a child that will make a difference will that be so I’m excited

difference will that be so I’m excited

difference will that be so I’m excited to guys and I hope you pray for my child

to guys and I hope you pray for my child

to guys and I hope you pray for my child to be born I don’t know the sex of the

to be born I don’t know the sex of the

to be born I don’t know the sex of the child yet so I will let you know any

child yet so I will let you know any

child yet so I will let you know any with italian-born dang thank you so much

with italian-born dang thank you so much

with italian-born dang thank you so much you’re not only whole but you are such

you’re not only whole but you are such

you’re not only whole but you are such an inspiration thank you very much thank

an inspiration thank you very much thank

an inspiration thank you very much thank you thank you God

”

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