I come from a long line of singers my grandfather was in a band in Los Angeles
grandfather was in a band in Los Angeles
grandfather was in a band in Los Angeles California and both my father and my
California and both my father and my
California and both my father and my uncle were professional vocalist at one
uncle were professional vocalist at one
uncle were professional vocalist at one point in time growing up music was
point in time growing up music was
point in time growing up music was always filled in my home and I learned
always filled in my home and I learned
always filled in my home and I learned at a very young age that I not only had
at a very young age that I not only had
at a very young age that I not only had a passion for the art of dance but
a passion for the art of dance but
a passion for the art of dance but specifically for singing I can remember
specifically for singing I can remember
specifically for singing I can remember my mom encouraging me to sing for anyone
my mom encouraging me to sing for anyone
my mom encouraging me to sing for anyone and everyone who would listen because
and everyone who would listen because
and everyone who would listen because like any proud parent she was just
like any proud parent she was just
like any proud parent she was just excited that her baby could sing the
excited that her baby could sing the
excited that her baby could sing the only problem was I enjoyed singing songs
only problem was I enjoyed singing songs
only problem was I enjoyed singing songs by artists like Whitney Houston and
by artists like Whitney Houston and
by artists like Whitney Houston and Mariah Carey and my family genuinely
Mariah Carey and my family genuinely
Mariah Carey and my family genuinely believed that young men should only sing
believed that young men should only sing
believed that young men should only sing songs by men I remember once my uncle’s
songs by men I remember once my uncle’s
songs by men I remember once my uncle’s singing and me becoming so enamoured by
singing and me becoming so enamoured by
singing and me becoming so enamoured by his voice because when he’s saying you
his voice because when he’s saying you
his voice because when he’s saying you could genuinely feel it in the depths of
could genuinely feel it in the depths of
could genuinely feel it in the depths of your soul and so I would ask him if he
your soul and so I would ask him if he
your soul and so I would ask him if he could teach me to sing the way that he
could teach me to sing the way that he
could teach me to sing the way that he did and he would often tell me that he
did and he would often tell me that he
did and he would often tell me that he was too busy or that he had a lot going
was too busy or that he had a lot going
was too busy or that he had a lot going on but at the end of the day I knew in
on but at the end of the day I knew in
on but at the end of the day I knew in the back of my mind that one day I was
the back of my mind that one day I was
the back of my mind that one day I was going to sing just like him I recall
going to sing just like him I recall
going to sing just like him I recall once going to an event that he was
once going to an event that he was
once going to an event that he was having at his home and him offering to
having at his home and him offering to
having at his home and him offering to pick me and my brother up we got to his
pick me and my brother up we got to his
pick me and my brother up we got to his home my brother jumped out of the car
home my brother jumped out of the car
home my brother jumped out of the car and ran inside the house like any
and ran inside the house like any
and ran inside the house like any excited child would do because any time
excited child would do because any time
excited child would do because any time he was having an event at his home we
he was having an event at his home we
he was having an event at his home we knew there were going to be three things
knew there were going to be three things
knew there were going to be three things there’s going to be a lot of laughter
there’s going to be a lot of laughter
there’s going to be a lot of laughter there’s going to be a lot of fun and of
there’s going to be a lot of fun and of
there’s going to be a lot of fun and of course there was going to be a lot of
course there was going to be a lot of
course there was going to be a lot of singing once we got there I can recall
singing once we got there I can recall
singing once we got there I can recall him putting his hand on my shoulder as
him putting his hand on my shoulder as
him putting his hand on my shoulder as soon as I was getting ready to get off
soon as I was getting ready to get off
soon as I was getting ready to get off the car and he looked at me and said in
the car and he looked at me and said in
the car and he looked at me and said in a very stern voice when you get inside
a very stern voice when you get inside
a very stern voice when you get inside you are not allowed to sing I remember
you are not allowed to sing I remember
you are not allowed to sing I remember getting out of the car and walking into
getting out of the car and walking into
getting out of the car and walking into the house and I heard the laughter I
the house and I heard the laughter I
the house and I heard the laughter I smelled all the good food and I could
smelled all the good food and I could
smelled all the good food and I could hear the music in the background someone
hear the music in the background someone
hear the music in the background someone there had just put on one of my favorite
there had just put on one of my favorite
there had just put on one of my favorite songs and it was couraging encouraging
songs and it was couraging encouraging
songs and it was couraging encouraging me to sing along to the song
me to sing along to the song
me to sing along to the song the moment that I hit that first note he
the moment that I hit that first note he
the moment that I hit that first note he grabbed me and immediately said I’m
grabbed me and immediately said I’m
grabbed me and immediately said I’m taking you home
taking you home
taking you home I remember thinking about that I was
I remember thinking about that I was
I remember thinking about that I was mortified in that moment because I felt
mortified in that moment because I felt
mortified in that moment because I felt like my hero was telling me not to do
like my hero was telling me not to do
like my hero was telling me not to do the one thing that I love to do the most
the one thing that I love to do the most
the one thing that I love to do the most it was like he had taken my dreams and
it was like he had taken my dreams and
it was like he had taken my dreams and ripped them right from under me and so
ripped them right from under me and so
ripped them right from under me and so for years when I would sing I would hum
for years when I would sing I would hum
for years when I would sing I would hum around him he would cut me this look it
around him he would cut me this look it
around him he would cut me this look it was a look that I learned to fear and
was a look that I learned to fear and
was a look that I learned to fear and for years I tried to process what that
for years I tried to process what that
for years I tried to process what that looked fully meant but still to this day
looked fully meant but still to this day
looked fully meant but still to this day I don’t know where it was coming from I
I don’t know where it was coming from I
I don’t know where it was coming from I later learned that that look was
later learned that that look was
later learned that that look was encompassed with toxic masculinity and
encompassed with toxic masculinity and
encompassed with toxic masculinity and it made me very afraid of my art it made
it made me very afraid of my art it made
it made me very afraid of my art it made me afraid of my creativity but most it
me afraid of my creativity but most it
me afraid of my creativity but most it made me very afraid of Who I am and so
made me very afraid of Who I am and so
made me very afraid of Who I am and so it took me a lot of time to unlearn that
it took me a lot of time to unlearn that
it took me a lot of time to unlearn that fear and recognize the work that I had
fear and recognize the work that I had
fear and recognize the work that I had to do to unlearn that thread of fear and
to do to unlearn that thread of fear and
to do to unlearn that thread of fear and certain aspects of my life so I want to
certain aspects of my life so I want to
certain aspects of my life so I want to take a moment and ask you all what do
take a moment and ask you all what do
take a moment and ask you all what do you fear it is something tangible maybe
you fear it is something tangible maybe
you fear it is something tangible maybe like an animal I know some people have a
like an animal I know some people have a
like an animal I know some people have a thing about cats
thing about cats
thing about cats I refuse to do cats right then there are
I refuse to do cats right then there are
I refuse to do cats right then there are things that are untouchable things we
things that are untouchable things we
things that are untouchable things we can’t see and can’t touch maybe you’re
can’t see and can’t touch maybe you’re
can’t see and can’t touch maybe you’re afraid of the dark or you’re afraid of
afraid of the dark or you’re afraid of
afraid of the dark or you’re afraid of heights I know that I have a friend who
heights I know that I have a friend who
heights I know that I have a friend who refuses to go into dark rooms by herself
refuses to go into dark rooms by herself
refuses to go into dark rooms by herself because she was ultimately scared a lot
because she was ultimately scared a lot
because she was ultimately scared a lot when she was a child well I want to take
when she was a child well I want to take
when she was a child well I want to take a moment to tell you that when you begin
a moment to tell you that when you begin
a moment to tell you that when you begin to unlearn your fears that is truly when
to unlearn your fears that is truly when
to unlearn your fears that is truly when you get to embrace your personal power
you get to embrace your personal power
you get to embrace your personal power so I want to take a moment to tell you a
so I want to take a moment to tell you a
so I want to take a moment to tell you a story about when I began to unlearn my
story about when I began to unlearn my
story about when I began to unlearn my fear and embrace my personal power
fear and embrace my personal power
fear and embrace my personal power growing up
growing up
growing up I was a part of the Jehovah’s Witness
I was a part of the Jehovah’s Witness
I was a part of the Jehovah’s Witness organization and I can remember them
organization and I can remember them
organization and I can remember them teaching me a lot of things that made me
teaching me a lot of things that made me
teaching me a lot of things that made me very unconfident who I was taught me a
very unconfident who I was taught me a
very unconfident who I was taught me a lot of things that I started to fear
lot of things that I started to fear
lot of things that I started to fear they also made it extremely difficult
they also made it extremely difficult
they also made it extremely difficult for me to understand elements of both my
for me to understand elements of both my
for me to understand elements of both my ratio and my sexual identity imagine
ratio and my sexual identity imagine
ratio and my sexual identity imagine being a part of an organization that
being a part of an organization that
being a part of an organization that reminded you every single day that God
reminded you every single day that God
reminded you every single day that God hated you imagine being a part of an
hated you imagine being a part of an
hated you imagine being a part of an organization that told you that you
organization that told you that you
organization that told you that you would die because of it because of an
would die because of it because of an
would die because of it because of an identity that you decided to embrace
identity that you decided to embrace
identity that you decided to embrace well that was my life for 19 years and
well that was my life for 19 years and
well that was my life for 19 years and on my 19th birthday I made the decision
on my 19th birthday I made the decision
on my 19th birthday I made the decision to move out of my family’s home and so I
to move out of my family’s home and so I
to move out of my family’s home and so I can recall moments where I was coming
can recall moments where I was coming
can recall moments where I was coming into one of the meetings and an elder
into one of the meetings and an elder
into one of the meetings and an elder pulled me to the side and he said we
pulled me to the side and he said we
pulled me to the side and he said we need to talk because I have some
need to talk because I have some
need to talk because I have some concerns about some of the decisions
concerns about some of the decisions
concerns about some of the decisions that you are making in your life he went
that you are making in your life he went
that you are making in your life he went on to explain that he was worried that
on to explain that he was worried that
on to explain that he was worried that by me moving off me moving out of my
by me moving off me moving out of my
by me moving off me moving out of my home and living on campus at college
home and living on campus at college
home and living on campus at college something that was not encouraged I
something that was not encouraged I
something that was not encouraged I would be around people who would begin
would be around people who would begin
would be around people who would begin to encourage me to embrace my LGBTQ
to encourage me to embrace my LGBTQ
to encourage me to embrace my LGBTQ identity and he was right to have
identity and he was right to have
identity and he was right to have concern because I was there were folks
concern because I was there were folks
concern because I was there were folks that were encouraging me at the end of
that were encouraging me at the end of
that were encouraging me at the end of the day he told me that if I did not
the day he told me that if I did not
the day he told me that if I did not stop associating with those individuals
stop associating with those individuals
stop associating with those individuals who are encouraging me that I would
who are encouraging me that I would
who are encouraging me that I would ultimately be put on reproof which could
ultimately be put on reproof which could
ultimately be put on reproof which could later lead me to being disfellowshipped
later lead me to being disfellowshipped
later lead me to being disfellowshipped now I don’t know what you all know about
now I don’t know what you all know about
now I don’t know what you all know about the religion but ultimately when you are
the religion but ultimately when you are
the religion but ultimately when you are put on reproof that is the second worst
put on reproof that is the second worst
put on reproof that is the second worst thing that can happen to you in the
thing that can happen to you in the
thing that can happen to you in the organization being put on reproof means
organization being put on reproof means
organization being put on reproof means you lose all of your privileges in the
you lose all of your privileges in the
you lose all of your privileges in the organization but when you are just
organization but when you are just
organization but when you are just fellowshipped you lose all communication
fellowshipped you lose all communication
fellowshipped you lose all communication with your family your friends and anyone
with your family your friends and anyone
with your family your friends and anyone who’s associated with the religion so I
who’s associated with the religion so I
who’s associated with the religion so I had to make the choice do I stick with
had to make the choice do I stick with
had to make the choice do I stick with this religion a religion that’s again
this religion a religion that’s again
this religion a religion that’s again teaching me to hate myself or do I leave
teaching me to hate myself or do I leave
teaching me to hate myself or do I leave this organization and risk losing every
this organization and risk losing every
this organization and risk losing every single thing that I know to be true it
single thing that I know to be true it
single thing that I know to be true it was in that last meeting where I was
was in that last meeting where I was
was in that last meeting where I was sitting around the table with six elders
sitting around the table with six elders
sitting around the table with six elders looking at me in a piece of paper in
looking at me in a piece of paper in
looking at me in a piece of paper in front of me
where I began to understand what a
where I began to understand what a learning fear look like and when I sign
learning fear look like and when I sign
learning fear look like and when I sign that paper it was then that I knew what
that paper it was then that I knew what
that paper it was then that I knew what my personal power look like and so I
my personal power look like and so I
my personal power look like and so I want to talk to you all today about this
want to talk to you all today about this
want to talk to you all today about this process of unlearning fear and what that
process of unlearning fear and what that
process of unlearning fear and what that means Webster’s dictionary tells us that
means Webster’s dictionary tells us that
means Webster’s dictionary tells us that fear is defined as being the feeling
fear is defined as being the feeling
fear is defined as being the feeling that you have that something or someone
that you have that something or someone
that you have that something or someone in your life is going to cause you pain
in your life is going to cause you pain
in your life is going to cause you pain but specifically it’s the feeling that
but specifically it’s the feeling that
but specifically it’s the feeling that you have that’s connected to a perceived
you have that’s connected to a perceived
you have that’s connected to a perceived threat and so when you begin the process
threat and so when you begin the process
threat and so when you begin the process of unlearning all of your fears it’s
of unlearning all of your fears it’s
of unlearning all of your fears it’s about being able to acknowledge and
about being able to acknowledge and
about being able to acknowledge and understand every single fear that you
understand every single fear that you
understand every single fear that you have and where those perceived threats
have and where those perceived threats
have and where those perceived threats come from it’s about knowing that you
come from it’s about knowing that you
come from it’s about knowing that you are the only person that can keep you
are the only person that can keep you
are the only person that can keep you locked away in fear but it’s also about
locked away in fear but it’s also about
locked away in fear but it’s also about understanding where these fears are
understanding where these fears are
understanding where these fears are coming from have you been able to
coming from have you been able to
coming from have you been able to actively think about your own life and
actively think about your own life and
actively think about your own life and where you might have absorbed certain
where you might have absorbed certain
where you might have absorbed certain fears once more it’s even thinking about
fears once more it’s even thinking about
fears once more it’s even thinking about conquering the things that you think
conquering the things that you think
conquering the things that you think that you could never conquer in your
that you could never conquer in your
that you could never conquer in your life it’s about finding freedom and so I
life it’s about finding freedom and so I
life it’s about finding freedom and so I stand before you today to tell you that
stand before you today to tell you that
stand before you today to tell you that for me some of the things that I’ve
for me some of the things that I’ve
for me some of the things that I’ve worked on is I no longer ever say if
worked on is I no longer ever say if
worked on is I no longer ever say if because I know that if I say if I’m
because I know that if I say if I’m
because I know that if I say if I’m allowing fear to take different shape in
allowing fear to take different shape in
allowing fear to take different shape in my life I say win because I know at the
my life I say win because I know at the
my life I say win because I know at the end of the day that once I call it to
end of the day that once I call it to
end of the day that once I call it to order it happens and that’s the most
order it happens and that’s the most
order it happens and that’s the most important thing that you all should know
important thing that you all should know
important thing that you all should know today so I want you to take out your
today so I want you to take out your
today so I want you to take out your notebooks because we’re going to talk a
notebooks because we’re going to talk a
notebooks because we’re going to talk a little bit about personal power and then
little bit about personal power and then
little bit about personal power and then I’ve mentioned it several times you’re
I’ve mentioned it several times you’re
I’ve mentioned it several times you’re probably thinking what is dr. John Paul
probably thinking what is dr. John Paul
probably thinking what is dr. John Paul talking about when he says embrace your
talking about when he says embrace your
talking about when he says embrace your personal power well personal power is
personal power well personal power is
personal power well personal power is three things that you need to know one
three things that you need to know one
three things that you need to know one person
person
person power is based off of strength – it’s
power is based off of strength – it’s
power is based off of strength – it’s based on competence and three it’s based
based on competence and three it’s based
based on competence and three it’s based on confidence and so as we’re navigating
on confidence and so as we’re navigating
on confidence and so as we’re navigating each of those elements from a
each of those elements from a
each of those elements from a psychological standpoint it’s really
psychological standpoint it’s really
psychological standpoint it’s really important for me to stress that it’s all
important for me to stress that it’s all
important for me to stress that it’s all about you and your journey so when we
about you and your journey so when we
about you and your journey so when we talk about strength it’s about
talk about strength it’s about
talk about strength it’s about recognizing that your strength is a
recognizing that your strength is a
recognizing that your strength is a means to an end for you and for you only
means to an end for you and for you only
means to an end for you and for you only it’s about knowing that nobody has the
it’s about knowing that nobody has the
it’s about knowing that nobody has the power to take away that strength from
power to take away that strength from
power to take away that strength from you but it’s also about recognising your
you but it’s also about recognising your
you but it’s also about recognising your desires it’s about being able to
desires it’s about being able to
desires it’s about being able to understand what you want to accomplish
understand what you want to accomplish
understand what you want to accomplish in this life and who holds the key to
in this life and who holds the key to
in this life and who holds the key to accessing that but most it’s about you
accessing that but most it’s about you
accessing that but most it’s about you being able to understand what the risks
being able to understand what the risks
being able to understand what the risks are in your life and how you’re going to
are in your life and how you’re going to
are in your life and how you’re going to create a plan to get through the tough
create a plan to get through the tough
create a plan to get through the tough times that are associated with that risk
times that are associated with that risk
times that are associated with that risk most importantly when we’re talking
most importantly when we’re talking
most importantly when we’re talking about strength it’s really about you
about strength it’s really about you
about strength it’s really about you being able to recognize that you are
being able to recognize that you are
being able to recognize that you are worth the journey and that’s where we
worth the journey and that’s where we
worth the journey and that’s where we lead to competence because as we’re
lead to competence because as we’re
lead to competence because as we’re moving through the second step it’s
moving through the second step it’s
moving through the second step it’s about you knowing that you are worth
about you knowing that you are worth
about you knowing that you are worth everything that you’re putting in you’re
everything that you’re putting in you’re
everything that you’re putting in you’re worth the work it’s about acknowledging
worth the work it’s about acknowledging
worth the work it’s about acknowledging that your self-esteem matters more than
that your self-esteem matters more than
that your self-esteem matters more than anything else in this world but it’s
anything else in this world but it’s
anything else in this world but it’s also about being competent about the
also about being competent about the
also about being competent about the different ways that people inflect their
different ways that people inflect their
different ways that people inflect their fears on you because at the end of the
fears on you because at the end of the
fears on you because at the end of the day fear takes different shape and if
day fear takes different shape and if
day fear takes different shape and if you don’t address it it comes back over
you don’t address it it comes back over
you don’t address it it comes back over and over and over and over and over
and over and over and over and over
and over and over and over and over again but most importantly it’s about
again but most importantly it’s about
again but most importantly it’s about being able to know that you deserve
being able to know that you deserve
being able to know that you deserve self-care and that you have the right
self-care and that you have the right
self-care and that you have the right and the access to that the last thing to
and the access to that the last thing to
and the access to that the last thing to understand in this journey of
understand in this journey of
understand in this journey of recognizing your own personal power it’s
recognizing your own personal power it’s
recognizing your own personal power it’s about being able to acknowledge your
about being able to acknowledge your
about being able to acknowledge your greatness it’s about being able to say
greatness it’s about being able to say
greatness it’s about being able to say yes I know I’m it and owning that but
yes I know I’m it and owning that but
yes I know I’m it and owning that but most it’s about walking in your
most it’s about walking in your
most it’s about walking in your authentic truth
authentic truth
authentic truth and being able to recognize that at the
and being able to recognize that at the
and being able to recognize that at the end of the day that you speak for you
end of the day that you speak for you
end of the day that you speak for you and you only but lastly it’s about
and you only but lastly it’s about
and you only but lastly it’s about asking yourself the question where am i
asking yourself the question where am i
asking yourself the question where am i hiding in what corners am i tucking
hiding in what corners am i tucking
hiding in what corners am i tucking myself away in the dark I like to think
myself away in the dark I like to think
myself away in the dark I like to think about folks who have encouraged me to
about folks who have encouraged me to
about folks who have encouraged me to embrace my authentic truth and I think a
embrace my authentic truth and I think a
embrace my authentic truth and I think a little bit about those who’ve come
little bit about those who’ve come
little bit about those who’ve come before me and the work that they’ve laid
before me and the work that they’ve laid
before me and the work that they’ve laid out in order for me to be standing in
out in order for me to be standing in
out in order for me to be standing in front of you today I think about Harriet
front of you today I think about Harriet
front of you today I think about Harriet Tubman and the thousands of slaves that
Tubman and the thousands of slaves that
Tubman and the thousands of slaves that she freed I think about Bayard Rustin
she freed I think about Bayard Rustin
she freed I think about Bayard Rustin and how fearful he could have been with
and how fearful he could have been with
and how fearful he could have been with leading the civil rights movement with
leading the civil rights movement with
leading the civil rights movement with him okay but most I think about Marsha P
him okay but most I think about Marsha P
him okay but most I think about Marsha P Johnson and the fear that she might have
Johnson and the fear that she might have
Johnson and the fear that she might have had when she threw that first class at
had when she threw that first class at
had when she threw that first class at Stonewall all people who had every
Stonewall all people who had every
Stonewall all people who had every single right to be fearful but led from
single right to be fearful but led from
single right to be fearful but led from their personal power and so I want to
their personal power and so I want to
their personal power and so I want to remind you all to think about the ways
remind you all to think about the ways
remind you all to think about the ways that you can take these sources into
that you can take these sources into
that you can take these sources into your own life I keep a lot of quotes
your own life I keep a lot of quotes
your own life I keep a lot of quotes around me because I’m always record I’m
around me because I’m always record I’m
around me because I’m always record I’m always reminding myself of where the
always reminding myself of where the
always reminding myself of where the journey starts and where the journey
journey starts and where the journey
journey starts and where the journey ends a quote that I hold very close to
ends a quote that I hold very close to
ends a quote that I hold very close to my heart is one from Audrey Lorde where
my heart is one from Audrey Lorde where
my heart is one from Audrey Lorde where she says when I begin to recognize how
she says when I begin to recognize how
she says when I begin to recognize how powerful I am then it is less and less
powerful I am then it is less and less
powerful I am then it is less and less important if I’m afraid and so I want to
important if I’m afraid and so I want to
important if I’m afraid and so I want to challenge you all to do the same thing
challenge you all to do the same thing
challenge you all to do the same thing start thinking about the ways that you
start thinking about the ways that you
start thinking about the ways that you are no longer afraid and letting things
are no longer afraid and letting things
are no longer afraid and letting things go right now this journey is about your
go right now this journey is about your
go right now this journey is about your freedom and what’s even more important
freedom and what’s even more important
freedom and what’s even more important is not letting other people dictate the
is not letting other people dictate the
is not letting other people dictate the way that you feel about your journey I
way that you feel about your journey I
way that you feel about your journey I lived my life by one quote in one quote
lived my life by one quote in one quote
lived my life by one quote in one quote only I reap all he says what other
only I reap all he says what other
only I reap all he says what other people think about me is none of my
people think about me is none of my
people think about me is none of my business
[Applause]
[Applause] and so I want to challenge you all again
and so I want to challenge you all again
and so I want to challenge you all again your freedom is at bay here please
your freedom is at bay here please
your freedom is at bay here please embrace your experience embrace your
embrace your experience embrace your
embrace your experience embrace your journey recognize that at the end of the
journey recognize that at the end of the
journey recognize that at the end of the day when you begin the process of a
day when you begin the process of a
day when you begin the process of a learning your fears and embracing your
learning your fears and embracing your
learning your fears and embracing your your personal power that it is only then
your personal power that it is only then
your personal power that it is only then when you can become the person that you
when you can become the person that you
when you can become the person that you were meant to be but most loved the
were meant to be but most loved the
were meant to be but most loved the person that you are because somewhere
person that you are because somewhere
person that you are because somewhere over the rainbow skies are blue and the
over the rainbow skies are blue and the
over the rainbow skies are blue and the dreams that you dare to will oh they
dreams that you dare to will oh they
dreams that you dare to will oh they will come true
will come true
will come true thank you
thank you
thank you [Applause]
[Applause]
[Applause] you
”
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