right now thousands of people are staring at me with high hopes that I can
staring at me with high hopes that I can
staring at me with high hopes that I can deliver an idea worth spreading
deliver an idea worth spreading
deliver an idea worth spreading no pressure my heart’s racing my palms
no pressure my heart’s racing my palms
no pressure my heart’s racing my palms are sweaty and I keep thinking why did I
are sweaty and I keep thinking why did I
are sweaty and I keep thinking why did I agree to do this now we’ve all heard
agree to do this now we’ve all heard
agree to do this now we’ve all heard that most people’s number one fear is
that most people’s number one fear is
that most people’s number one fear is public speaking and number two is death
public speaking and number two is death
public speaking and number two is death so as I’m sitting I was thinking about
so as I’m sitting I was thinking about
so as I’m sitting I was thinking about this as I’m sitting at my great uncle’s
this as I’m sitting at my great uncle’s
this as I’m sitting at my great uncle’s funeral with my family and it occurs to
funeral with my family and it occurs to
funeral with my family and it occurs to me that people are more afraid of
me that people are more afraid of
me that people are more afraid of speaking at a funeral that of being the
speaking at a funeral that of being the
speaking at a funeral that of being the guest of honor our fears are is real and
guest of honor our fears are is real and
guest of honor our fears are is real and it’s powerful as we allow them to be see
it’s powerful as we allow them to be see
it’s powerful as we allow them to be see the first time I can remember being
the first time I can remember being
the first time I can remember being surely afraid I was about six years old
surely afraid I was about six years old
surely afraid I was about six years old my older brother had gotten special
my older brother had gotten special
my older brother had gotten special permission from our parents for us to go
permission from our parents for us to go
permission from our parents for us to go to play at a park
to play at a park
to play at a park that was a ways away from where we lived
that was a ways away from where we lived
that was a ways away from where we lived now this was a big deal because we had
now this was a big deal because we had
now this was a big deal because we had to cross a major highway and our parents
to cross a major highway and our parents
to cross a major highway and our parents didn’t usually let us play that far away
didn’t usually let us play that far away
didn’t usually let us play that far away so when we get to the park we decided to
so when we get to the park we decided to
so when we get to the park we decided to have a competition we’re gonna see who
have a competition we’re gonna see who
have a competition we’re gonna see who can fly the farthest off of the swing
can fly the farthest off of the swing
can fly the farthest off of the swing set
set
set spoiler alert I won but how i won was by
spoiler alert I won but how i won was by
spoiler alert I won but how i won was by jumping so far off of that swing set
jumping so far off of that swing set
jumping so far off of that swing set that I landed on a manhole cover and
that I landed on a manhole cover and
that I landed on a manhole cover and broke all the bones in my left arm
needless to say I was the last person to
needless to say I was the last person to jump that day and as I brushed myself
jump that day and as I brushed myself
jump that day and as I brushed myself off and got a I looked at my arm and the
off and got a I looked at my arm and the
off and got a I looked at my arm and the bones were nearly poking out of the skin
bones were nearly poking out of the skin
bones were nearly poking out of the skin and in that moment all I wanted was my
and in that moment all I wanted was my
and in that moment all I wanted was my mom and that’s when he told me see my
mom and that’s when he told me see my
mom and that’s when he told me see my brother hadn’t really gotten permission
brother hadn’t really gotten permission
brother hadn’t really gotten permission for us to be at that Park which meant
for us to be at that Park which meant
for us to be at that Park which meant that I had to go home and explain to my
that I had to go home and explain to my
that I had to go home and explain to my mom how I hurt myself
mom how I hurt myself
mom how I hurt myself someplace that I shouldn’t have been
someplace that I shouldn’t have been
someplace that I shouldn’t have been playing now that’s real fear so we get
playing now that’s real fear so we get
playing now that’s real fear so we get home I remember walking up the stairs to
home I remember walking up the stairs to
home I remember walking up the stairs to my parents bedroom and my mother is
my parents bedroom and my mother is
my parents bedroom and my mother is sitting on the edge of the bed doing her
sitting on the edge of the bed doing her
sitting on the edge of the bed doing her hair I walk in with my arm behind my
hair I walk in with my arm behind my
hair I walk in with my arm behind my back as best as I could and I say if I
back as best as I could and I say if I
back as best as I could and I say if I show you something do you promise you
show you something do you promise you
show you something do you promise you won’t get mad
won’t get mad
won’t get mad so she nods and I don’t remove my
so she nods and I don’t remove my
so she nods and I don’t remove my mangled left arm and my mother let out a
mangled left arm and my mother let out a
mangled left arm and my mother let out a scream that is unlike anything I’ve ever
scream that is unlike anything I’ve ever
scream that is unlike anything I’ve ever heard before or since she rushes me to
heard before or since she rushes me to
heard before or since she rushes me to the emergency room I get bandaged up I
the emergency room I get bandaged up I
the emergency room I get bandaged up I cast on my arm and eventually things get
cast on my arm and eventually things get
cast on my arm and eventually things get better as I reflected on that moment I
better as I reflected on that moment I
better as I reflected on that moment I had a realization when I was in my
had a realization when I was in my
had a realization when I was in my mother’s room my arm didn’t hurt you see
mother’s room my arm didn’t hurt you see
mother’s room my arm didn’t hurt you see in that moment I was more afraid that I
in that moment I was more afraid that I
in that moment I was more afraid that I was in pain and that was my first lesson
was in pain and that was my first lesson
was in pain and that was my first lesson about fear if we allow it it can be
about fear if we allow it it can be
about fear if we allow it it can be incredibly powerful over us physically
incredibly powerful over us physically
incredibly powerful over us physically and mentally so fast forward to 2009 I
and mentally so fast forward to 2009 I
and mentally so fast forward to 2009 I met this wonderful woman in law school
met this wonderful woman in law school
met this wonderful woman in law school and we had been dating for about two
and we had been dating for about two
and we had been dating for about two years I decided that I wanted to her to
years I decided that I wanted to her to
years I decided that I wanted to her to be my wife so in a way for me to earn
be my wife so in a way for me to earn
be my wife so in a way for me to earn some favor with her parents I decided on
some favor with her parents I decided on
some favor with her parents I decided on a Saturday I would help her and her mom
a Saturday I would help her and her mom
a Saturday I would help her and her mom go shopping after a few hours of hold
go shopping after a few hours of hold
go shopping after a few hours of hold this hold that how does this look people
this hold that how does this look people
this hold that how does this look people ignore my opinion we eventually get to
ignore my opinion we eventually get to
ignore my opinion we eventually get to the point where we’re going back to
the point where we’re going back to
the point where we’re going back to Tiffany’s house so after while Tiffany
Tiffany’s house so after while Tiffany
Tiffany’s house so after while Tiffany and her mother are parking the car I run
and her mother are parking the car I run
and her mother are parking the car I run in the house to use the restroom and the
in the house to use the restroom and the
in the house to use the restroom and the moment I come through the door her
moment I come through the door her
moment I come through the door her father is standing there with a look on
father is standing there with a look on
father is standing there with a look on his face that says explain yourself and
his face that says explain yourself and
his face that says explain yourself and so without thinking I’ve learned out
so without thinking I’ve learned out
so without thinking I’ve learned out gene and Tiffany are coming they’re just
gene and Tiffany are coming they’re just
gene and Tiffany are coming they’re just parking the car and dashing to the
parking the car and dashing to the
parking the car and dashing to the restaurant as I’m washing my hands it
restaurant as I’m washing my hands it
restaurant as I’m washing my hands it occurs to me I just did the unthinkable
occurs to me I just did the unthinkable
occurs to me I just did the unthinkable I called my girlfriend’s mother by her
I called my girlfriend’s mother by her
I called my girlfriend’s mother by her first name to her husband
first name to her husband
first name to her husband to make matters worse this was the day I
to make matters worse this was the day I
to make matters worse this was the day I was going to ask for his permission to
was going to ask for his permission to
was going to ask for his permission to propose so after washing my hands for an
propose so after washing my hands for an
propose so after washing my hands for an awkwardly long time
awkwardly long time
awkwardly long time I decided to step out of that restroom
I decided to step out of that restroom
I decided to step out of that restroom and take a risk maybe he hadn’t hurt so
and take a risk maybe he hadn’t hurt so
and take a risk maybe he hadn’t hurt so I step outside and then I come the
I step outside and then I come the
I step outside and then I come the realization that I’m not that lucky what
realization that I’m not that lucky what
realization that I’m not that lucky what you need to know about Tiffany’s father
you need to know about Tiffany’s father
you need to know about Tiffany’s father is that we have a lot in common
is that we have a lot in common
is that we have a lot in common we’re members of the same fraternity we
we’re members of the same fraternity we
we’re members of the same fraternity we actually have the same birthday and we
actually have the same birthday and we
actually have the same birthday and we have the same appreciation for starcast
have the same appreciation for starcast
have the same appreciation for starcast so as I walk out of that bathroom he’s
so as I walk out of that bathroom he’s
so as I walk out of that bathroom he’s already begun referring to his wife as
already begun referring to his wife as
already begun referring to his wife as mrs. reading and for the next 30 minutes
mrs. reading and for the next 30 minutes
mrs. reading and for the next 30 minutes he continues to refer to his wife as
he continues to refer to his wife as
he continues to refer to his wife as mrs. reading
mrs. reading
mrs. reading message received so and then after about
message received so and then after about
message received so and then after about 30 minutes of this ask him can I talk to
30 minutes of this ask him can I talk to
30 minutes of this ask him can I talk to you in private he says of course and
you in private he says of course and
you in private he says of course and walks me down the stairs to their dark
walks me down the stairs to their dark
walks me down the stairs to their dark basement I find the light and begin to
basement I find the light and begin to
basement I find the light and begin to apologize profusely I’ve never done that
apologize profusely I’ve never done that
apologize profusely I’ve never done that before
before
before I’ll never do it again indeed to this
I’ll never do it again indeed to this
I’ll never do it again indeed to this day they are in my phone as mr. and mrs.
day they are in my phone as mr. and mrs.
day they are in my phone as mr. and mrs. ready and after a few minutes have
ready and after a few minutes have
ready and after a few minutes have apologized and I can see that he’s
apologized and I can see that he’s
apologized and I can see that he’s starting to soften up so I decided to
starting to soften up so I decided to
starting to soften up so I decided to take my shot I say since I have you down
take my shot I say since I have you down
take my shot I say since I have you down here there’s one other thing I’d like to
here there’s one other thing I’d like to
here there’s one other thing I’d like to ask and so I asked him for his blessing
ask and so I asked him for his blessing
ask and so I asked him for his blessing in proposing longest pause ever ain’t
in proposing longest pause ever ain’t
in proposing longest pause ever ain’t can’t tilt his head he smiles and says
can’t tilt his head he smiles and says
can’t tilt his head he smiles and says of course and that was my second lesson
of course and that was my second lesson
of course and that was my second lesson in fear that in order for you to beat
in fear that in order for you to beat
in fear that in order for you to beat your fears you have to face them but by
your fears you have to face them but by
your fears you have to face them but by facing them you’ve actually already won
facing them you’ve actually already won
facing them you’ve actually already won so fast forward to 2013 I began my MBA
so fast forward to 2013 I began my MBA
so fast forward to 2013 I began my MBA at Darden the University of Virginia my
at Darden the University of Virginia my
at Darden the University of Virginia my first year goes as expected
first year goes as expected
first year goes as expected it’s a lot of work it’s a lot of
it’s a lot of work it’s a lot of
it’s a lot of work it’s a lot of difficult times and a lot of learning by
difficult times and a lot of learning by
difficult times and a lot of learning by the second year I am the president of
the second year I am the president of
the second year I am the president of black business student forum and we are
black business student forum and we are
black business student forum and we are beginning our year with the death of
beginning our year with the death of
beginning our year with the death of Mike Brown on August 9th to 2014
Mike Brown on August 9th to 2014
Mike Brown on August 9th to 2014 Mike Brown was killed by a Ferguson
Mike Brown was killed by a Ferguson
Mike Brown was killed by a Ferguson police officer
police officer
police officer but president the black business student
but president the black business student
but president the black business student forum at Darden so to give you some
forum at Darden so to give you some
forum at Darden so to give you some context and my graduating class there
context and my graduating class there
context and my graduating class there are about three hundred and sixteen
are about three hundred and sixteen
are about three hundred and sixteen people of those eleven or black two are
people of those eleven or black two are
people of those eleven or black two are international and only two are women so
by my second semester things are
by my second semester things are starting to heat up and conversations
starting to heat up and conversations
starting to heat up and conversations are starting to happen but by jade by
are starting to happen but by jade by
are starting to happen but by jade by February we have two major events to do
February we have two major events to do
February we have two major events to do there’s Black History Month speech and
there’s Black History Month speech and
there’s Black History Month speech and we have a black business student
we have a black business student
we have a black business student conference so for Black History Month
conference so for Black History Month
conference so for Black History Month realizing that what the kind of tone in
realizing that what the kind of tone in
realizing that what the kind of tone in temper was of the school I decided that
temper was of the school I decided that
temper was of the school I decided that we’re gonna have a die-in and what that
we’re gonna have a die-in and what that
we’re gonna have a die-in and what that meant was while I was giving my speech
meant was while I was giving my speech
meant was while I was giving my speech on Black History Month I read the names
on Black History Month I read the names
on Black History Month I read the names of each of the 14 African Americans who
of each of the 14 African Americans who
of each of the 14 African Americans who had been unarmed and killed by the
had been unarmed and killed by the
had been unarmed and killed by the police in the last year and that every
police in the last year and that every
police in the last year and that every one for every one of those names I read
one for every one of those names I read
one for every one of those names I read one of my classmates bodies hit the
one of my classmates bodies hit the
one of my classmates bodies hit the ground it was emotional it was impactful
ground it was emotional it was impactful
ground it was emotional it was impactful but it wasn’t enough see over the time
but it wasn’t enough see over the time
but it wasn’t enough see over the time that I’ve become a student leader at
that I’ve become a student leader at
that I’ve become a student leader at Darden people that shared their stories
Darden people that shared their stories
Darden people that shared their stories with me and while that event was
with me and while that event was
with me and while that event was impactful it didn’t really change the
impactful it didn’t really change the
impactful it didn’t really change the environment so then we get to the
environment so then we get to the
environment so then we get to the conference and when we’re doing the
conference and when we’re doing the
conference and when we’re doing the black business student conference I
black business student conference I
black business student conference I decide that we’re gonna take this
decide that we’re gonna take this
decide that we’re gonna take this opportunity to eradicate a myth that
opportunity to eradicate a myth that
opportunity to eradicate a myth that it’s too hard to find top talent and
it’s too hard to find top talent and
it’s too hard to find top talent and black talent at Darden and they won’t
black talent at Darden and they won’t
black talent at Darden and they won’t come to Charlottesville
come to Charlottesville
come to Charlottesville so what we do is my team and I found
so what we do is my team and I found
so what we do is my team and I found historically black colleges across the
historically black colleges across the
historically black colleges across the mid-atlantic and invited them all to
mid-atlantic and invited them all to
mid-atlantic and invited them all to come to our global business conference
come to our global business conference
come to our global business conference that day we were able to create an
that day we were able to create an
that day we were able to create an environment where 150 black students
environment where 150 black students
environment where 150 black students from across the mid-atlantic were able
from across the mid-atlantic were able
from across the mid-atlantic were able to participate in what the Dean called
to participate in what the Dean called
to participate in what the Dean called the best conference he had ever seen put
the best conference he had ever seen put
the best conference he had ever seen put on by a student organization but we
on by a student organization but we
on by a student organization but we still weren’t there yet see we ain’t
still weren’t there yet see we ain’t
still weren’t there yet see we ain’t never had as a community had the talk
never had as a community had the talk
never had as a community had the talk and we needed to have the talk
and we needed to have the talk
and we needed to have the talk so I’d organized and plan it to have a
so I’d organized and plan it to have a
so I’d organized and plan it to have a talk
talk
talk with our student leaders our Dean and
with our student leaders our Dean and
with our student leaders our Dean and our faculty by the time we get to
our faculty by the time we get to
our faculty by the time we get to actually have the event I’ve gotten
actually have the event I’ve gotten
actually have the event I’ve gotten feedback from black and white students
feedback from black and white students
feedback from black and white students saying this is a good idea people aren’t
saying this is a good idea people aren’t
saying this is a good idea people aren’t really comfortable and no one’s gonna
really comfortable and no one’s gonna
really comfortable and no one’s gonna come the day comes where we’re supposed
come the day comes where we’re supposed
come the day comes where we’re supposed to have the talk I get a call from
to have the talk I get a call from
to have the talk I get a call from student services they say something’s
student services they say something’s
student services they say something’s wrong so I immediately rush over and
wrong so I immediately rush over and
wrong so I immediately rush over and when I get there I’m told we don’t have
when I get there I’m told we don’t have
when I get there I’m told we don’t have enough seats what do you mean
enough seats what do you mean
enough seats what do you mean well there’s 250 people who want to
well there’s 250 people who want to
well there’s 250 people who want to participate in this but the room only
participate in this but the room only
participate in this but the room only holds 120 so we need to have an overflow
holds 120 so we need to have an overflow
holds 120 so we need to have an overflow room what I learned was and what I got
room what I learned was and what I got
room what I learned was and what I got confirmation on was that it wasn’t just
confirmation on was that it wasn’t just
confirmation on was that it wasn’t just the black kids who needed to talk we all
the black kids who needed to talk we all
the black kids who needed to talk we all had to be a part of this so we had to
had to be a part of this so we had to
had to be a part of this so we had to talk we started this talk as most
talk we started this talk as most
talk we started this talk as most conversations on race to do very surface
conversations on race to do very surface
conversations on race to do very surface well we started this talk it was all
well we started this talk it was all
well we started this talk it was all about things we can all generally agree
about things we can all generally agree
about things we can all generally agree on racism is bad yeah we get that I wish
on racism is bad yeah we get that I wish
on racism is bad yeah we get that I wish that these things didn’t happen okay
that these things didn’t happen okay
that these things didn’t happen okay thanks but as the time went on I could
thanks but as the time went on I could
thanks but as the time went on I could look and see the frustration and anxiety
look and see the frustration and anxiety
look and see the frustration and anxiety and exhaustion from the flase phases of
and exhaustion from the flase phases of
and exhaustion from the flase phases of my black classmates not again not
my black classmates not again not
my black classmates not again not another one we’re not just gonna glance
another one we’re not just gonna glance
another one we’re not just gonna glance over this and make everyone feel better
over this and make everyone feel better
over this and make everyone feel better and then it happened
and then it happened
and then it happened one of my classmates decided to tell his
one of my classmates decided to tell his
one of my classmates decided to tell his story see he told the story about how
story see he told the story about how
story see he told the story about how every day after he left school he
every day after he left school he
every day after he left school he checked every light on his car because
checked every light on his car because
checked every light on his car because it was dark and he was scared as a six
it was dark and he was scared as a six
it was dark and he was scared as a six foot three black man of being pulled
foot three black man of being pulled
foot three black man of being pulled over for a bad blinker and by him
over for a bad blinker and by him
over for a bad blinker and by him telling his story he gave us permission
telling his story he gave us permission
telling his story he gave us permission to tell our stories and so I told my
to tell our stories and so I told my
to tell our stories and so I told my story about what it felt like to be a
story about what it felt like to be a
story about what it felt like to be a black man and a leader in a town where
black man and a leader in a town where
black man and a leader in a town where when I moved here my mother cried and
when I moved here my mother cried and
when I moved here my mother cried and that was my third lesson about fear you
that was my third lesson about fear you
that was my third lesson about fear you see what Marcus Thomas taught me
see what Marcus Thomas taught me
see what Marcus Thomas taught me was that courage and facing your fears
was that courage and facing your fears
was that courage and facing your fears requires vulnerability his willingness
requires vulnerability his willingness
requires vulnerability his willingness to share his story and take the risk of
to share his story and take the risk of
to share his story and take the risk of being ostracized doubted made fun of and
being ostracized doubted made fun of and
being ostracized doubted made fun of and treated different enabled the rest of us
treated different enabled the rest of us
treated different enabled the rest of us to tell our stories everything didn’t
to tell our stories everything didn’t
to tell our stories everything didn’t change that day but our community began
change that day but our community began
change that day but our community began to talk our community began to heal
to talk our community began to heal
to talk our community began to heal which is something that I think Charles
which is something that I think Charles
which is something that I think Charles still needs right now
still needs right now
still needs right now so those are my three lessons on fear
so those are my three lessons on fear
so those are my three lessons on fear number one it could be incredibly
number one it could be incredibly
number one it could be incredibly powerful if you allow it to be number
powerful if you allow it to be number
powerful if you allow it to be number two you the only way to overcome it is
two you the only way to overcome it is
two you the only way to overcome it is to face it and when you face it you’ve
to face it and when you face it you’ve
to face it and when you face it you’ve already won and number three when you
already won and number three when you
already won and number three when you decide to face your fears you have to be
decide to face your fears you have to be
decide to face your fears you have to be vulnerable lastly no matter what fears
vulnerable lastly no matter what fears
vulnerable lastly no matter what fears were facing I’d ask that each of us
were facing I’d ask that each of us
were facing I’d ask that each of us remember then whatever you’re in front
remember then whatever you’re in front
remember then whatever you’re in front of including death it’s not nearly as
of including death it’s not nearly as
of including death it’s not nearly as scary as standing in front of a
scary as standing in front of a
scary as standing in front of a thousands of people with high hopes that
thousands of people with high hopes that
thousands of people with high hopes that you’ll share an idea worth spreading no
you’ll share an idea worth spreading no
you’ll share an idea worth spreading no pressure
pressure
pressure [Applause]
”
Be First to Comment