[Applause] yeah the suit right so what am i doing
yeah the suit right so what am i doing
yeah the suit right so what am i doing why am i standing here in a
why am i standing here in a
why am i standing here in a puncture-resistant bright yellow
puncture-resistant bright yellow
puncture-resistant bright yellow search-and-rescue dry suit and there’s a
search-and-rescue dry suit and there’s a
search-and-rescue dry suit and there’s a lot of reasons and probably we need a
lot of reasons and probably we need a
lot of reasons and probably we need a psychiatrist to get to some of them I’m
psychiatrist to get to some of them I’m
psychiatrist to get to some of them I’m gonna talk about some of the other ones
gonna talk about some of the other ones
gonna talk about some of the other ones today so the the title of my talk is
today so the the title of my talk is
today so the the title of my talk is finding and surviving your calling I’m
finding and surviving your calling I’m
finding and surviving your calling I’m not a scientist but I’ve done some field
not a scientist but I’ve done some field
not a scientist but I’ve done some field research in this area on myself so I’m
research in this area on myself so I’m
research in this area on myself so I’m gonna share what I found out there and
gonna share what I found out there and
gonna share what I found out there and I’m gonna hope that it helps anyone of
I’m gonna hope that it helps anyone of
I’m gonna hope that it helps anyone of you we’re here today or whoever see this
you we’re here today or whoever see this
you we’re here today or whoever see this and I’m bracing myself now for the
and I’m bracing myself now for the
and I’m bracing myself now for the ridicule I will get from my two teenage
ridicule I will get from my two teenage
ridicule I will get from my two teenage daughters when they see this online so
daughters when they see this online so
daughters when they see this online so I’m Christopher I’m 49 years old
I’m Christopher I’m 49 years old
I’m Christopher I’m 49 years old I’m a clean water advocate I’m a human
I’m a clean water advocate I’m a human
I’m a clean water advocate I’m a human rights advocate and the way that plays
rights advocate and the way that plays
rights advocate and the way that plays out as I swim the entire length of dirty
out as I swim the entire length of dirty
out as I swim the entire length of dirty waterways and some of them you’ve
waterways and some of them you’ve
waterways and some of them you’ve probably heard of I was the first person
probably heard of I was the first person
probably heard of I was the first person in history to swim the entire length of
in history to swim the entire length of
in history to swim the entire length of the Columbia River in the Pacific
the Columbia River in the Pacific
the Columbia River in the Pacific Northwest 1243 mile swim thank you
Northwest 1243 mile swim thank you
Northwest 1243 mile swim thank you that’s more hands than we’re clapping
that’s more hands than we’re clapping
that’s more hands than we’re clapping when I finished that swim that’s what
when I finished that swim that’s what
when I finished that swim that’s what they don’t tell you the loneliness and
they don’t tell you the loneliness and
they don’t tell you the loneliness and the smells I swam the entire length of
the smells I swam the entire length of
the smells I swam the entire length of the Hudson River in New York State you
the Hudson River in New York State you
the Hudson River in New York State you don’t have to clap for LA’s 315 miles
don’t have to clap for LA’s 315 miles
don’t have to clap for LA’s 315 miles the entire length of Lake Champlain
the entire length of Lake Champlain
the entire length of Lake Champlain which squeezes up between New York and
which squeezes up between New York and
which squeezes up between New York and Vermont into Quebec 129 miles on and on
Vermont into Quebec 129 miles on and on
Vermont into Quebec 129 miles on and on I think the point is you know if you
I think the point is you know if you
I think the point is you know if you went read about me you know like Oh more
went read about me you know like Oh more
went read about me you know like Oh more than 3,000 miles and more than 25
than 3,000 miles and more than 25
than 3,000 miles and more than 25 polluted waterways somebody should have
polluted waterways somebody should have
polluted waterways somebody should have availed themselves of the free
availed themselves of the free
availed themselves of the free counselling at the college when they
counselling at the college when they
counselling at the college when they were there right one of the things that
were there right one of the things that
were there right one of the things that I want to try
I want to try
I want to try to do today is get to what’s underneath
to do today is get to what’s underneath
to do today is get to what’s underneath the suit and I think the suit is fun
the suit and I think the suit is fun
the suit and I think the suit is fun right in Brooklyn they call me the toxic
right in Brooklyn they call me the toxic
right in Brooklyn they call me the toxic avenger cuz I swam through the toxic
avenger cuz I swam through the toxic
avenger cuz I swam through the toxic sludge of the kiwanis canal and this
sludge of the kiwanis canal and this
sludge of the kiwanis canal and this thing and no one else ever had and
thing and no one else ever had and
thing and no one else ever had and there’s a good reason no one else ever
there’s a good reason no one else ever
there’s a good reason no one else ever had right because no one else wants to
had right because no one else wants to
had right because no one else wants to swim through oil slicks and gasoline and
swim through oil slicks and gasoline and
swim through oil slicks and gasoline and chemical spills and trash and yes that’s
chemical spills and trash and yes that’s
chemical spills and trash and yes that’s what you think it is
what you think it is
what you think it is that’s raw sewage and yes I’ve swum
that’s raw sewage and yes I’ve swum
that’s raw sewage and yes I’ve swum through it and what would you would you
through it and what would you would you
through it and what would you would you like a fun fact about what it’s like to
like a fun fact about what it’s like to
like a fun fact about what it’s like to swim through raw sewage okay I heard one
swim through raw sewage okay I heard one
swim through raw sewage okay I heard one yes think of this as this dude told me
yes think of this as this dude told me
yes think of this as this dude told me about it so now I don’t have to do it
about it so now I don’t have to do it
about it so now I don’t have to do it myself so when you’re swimming through
myself so when you’re swimming through
myself so when you’re swimming through sewage yes you know it when you smell it
sewage yes you know it when you smell it
sewage yes you know it when you smell it it feels a little sticky and weird in
it feels a little sticky and weird in
it feels a little sticky and weird in the water and the water color changes so
the water and the water color changes so
the water and the water color changes so the smell you recognize here’s what you
the smell you recognize here’s what you
the smell you recognize here’s what you don’t know cuz you don’t do this if it’s
don’t know cuz you don’t do this if it’s
don’t know cuz you don’t do this if it’s recent enough you can smell the foods
recent enough you can smell the foods
recent enough you can smell the foods that the people ate who made the sewage
that the people ate who made the sewage
that the people ate who made the sewage so you’ll be swimming along you like do
so you’ll be swimming along you like do
so you’ll be swimming along you like do I smell poop oh no and then I think I
I smell poop oh no and then I think I
I smell poop oh no and then I think I smell nachos and oranges so it takes a
smell nachos and oranges so it takes a
smell nachos and oranges so it takes a couple minutes to swim out of the slick
couple minutes to swim out of the slick
couple minutes to swim out of the slick of sewage but it takes like five years
of sewage but it takes like five years
of sewage but it takes like five years before you will grab a handful of nachos
before you will grab a handful of nachos
before you will grab a handful of nachos again that’s what it’s like out there so
again that’s what it’s like out there so
again that’s what it’s like out there so I have some through all kinds of stuff
I have some through all kinds of stuff
I have some through all kinds of stuff radioactive waste neurotoxic pesticides
radioactive waste neurotoxic pesticides
radioactive waste neurotoxic pesticides I’ve been stung by jellyfish
I’ve been stung by jellyfish
I’ve been stung by jellyfish I’ve been menaced by great white sharks
I’ve been menaced by great white sharks
I’ve been menaced by great white sharks I’ve been attacked by blood sucking sea
I’ve been attacked by blood sucking sea
I’ve been attacked by blood sucking sea lamprey eels which is really bad if
lamprey eels which is really bad if
lamprey eels which is really bad if you’re afraid of snakes because then you
you’re afraid of snakes because then you
you’re afraid of snakes because then you have dreams about that so don’t try that
have dreams about that so don’t try that
have dreams about that so don’t try that there’s other issues out there too right
there’s other issues out there too right
there’s other issues out there too right I mean I get caught in lightning storms
I mean I get caught in lightning storms
I mean I get caught in lightning storms and blizzards I get run over by boats
and blizzards I get run over by boats
and blizzards I get run over by boats I’ve been hit by trees and branches that
I’ve been hit by trees and branches that
I’ve been hit by trees and branches that are inside storm waves that I swim
are inside storm waves that I swim
are inside storm waves that I swim through because somehow I want to swim
through because somehow I want to swim
through because somehow I want to swim in the storm because I’m one of those
in the storm because I’m one of those
in the storm because I’m one of those guys like I want to know I want to know
guys like I want to know I want to know
guys like I want to know I want to know what it’s like I know what it’s like now
what it’s like I know what it’s like now
what it’s like I know what it’s like now it’s like my head hurts because I just
it’s like my head hurts because I just
it’s like my head hurts because I just got hit by a tree but somehow I want to
got hit by a tree but somehow I want to
got hit by a tree but somehow I want to keep going and then that’s what it comes
keep going and then that’s what it comes
keep going and then that’s what it comes down to right why am I doing this why do
down to right why am I doing this why do
down to right why am I doing this why do I want to keep going I don’t have the
I want to keep going I don’t have the
I want to keep going I don’t have the whole answer to that question and I’ll
whole answer to that question and I’ll
whole answer to that question and I’ll leave it to others to try to answer it
leave it to others to try to answer it
leave it to others to try to answer it but I’ll give you my answer that
but I’ll give you my answer that
but I’ll give you my answer that question the reason I keep going is cuz
question the reason I keep going is cuz
question the reason I keep going is cuz it’s my calling here’s what a calling
it’s my calling here’s what a calling
it’s my calling here’s what a calling feels like it feels like the thing you
feels like it feels like the thing you
feels like it feels like the thing you can’t not do it feels like the love
can’t not do it feels like the love
can’t not do it feels like the love affair that you’re gonna do even though
affair that you’re gonna do even though
affair that you’re gonna do even though you know it’s gonna blow up your life it
you know it’s gonna blow up your life it
you know it’s gonna blow up your life it feels like you couldn’t die satisfied
feels like you couldn’t die satisfied
feels like you couldn’t die satisfied you would not be okay unless you do this
you would not be okay unless you do this
you would not be okay unless you do this and sometimes it also feels like getting
and sometimes it also feels like getting
and sometimes it also feels like getting dragged across the coals of your calling
dragged across the coals of your calling
dragged across the coals of your calling or dragged behind the pickup truck of
or dragged behind the pickup truck of
or dragged behind the pickup truck of your calling or your callings in the
your calling or your callings in the
your calling or your callings in the saddle and it’s riding you why do we do
saddle and it’s riding you why do we do
saddle and it’s riding you why do we do it I know why I do it love I love the
it I know why I do it love I love the
it I know why I do it love I love the water I want it to be clean
water I want it to be clean
water I want it to be clean I know another reason I do it vanity
I know another reason I do it vanity
I know another reason I do it vanity yeah
yeah
yeah I want people to like me I want my
I want people to like me I want my
I want people to like me I want my daughters to know that I tried I want
daughters to know that I tried I want
daughters to know that I tried I want the students I talked to in schools to
the students I talked to in schools to
the students I talked to in schools to think well at least he didn’t just tell
think well at least he didn’t just tell
think well at least he didn’t just tell us to do something I mean maybe as
us to do something I mean maybe as
us to do something I mean maybe as issues but he’s definitely out there
issues but he’s definitely out there
issues but he’s definitely out there doing something I want to put my body in
doing something I want to put my body in
doing something I want to put my body in the way of harm not because I want to
the way of harm not because I want to
the way of harm not because I want to harm my body cuz I don’t but she now and
harm my body cuz I don’t but she now and
harm my body cuz I don’t but she now and I’m getting older I’m 49 now remember in
I’m getting older I’m 49 now remember in
I’m getting older I’m 49 now remember in your 20s you’re like yeah whatever man
your 20s you’re like yeah whatever man
your 20s you’re like yeah whatever man no different now I am willing to put my
no different now I am willing to put my
no different now I am willing to put my life on the line because I have a
life on the line because I have a
life on the line because I have a calling I had the thing that I must do
calling I had the thing that I must do
calling I had the thing that I must do and that is a gift but let me tell you
and that is a gift but let me tell you
and that is a gift but let me tell you if you find your calling you are in for
if you find your calling you are in for
if you find your calling you are in for a ride it is excruciatingly ly hard to
a ride it is excruciatingly ly hard to
a ride it is excruciatingly ly hard to have a calling it is not for the faint
have a calling it is not for the faint
have a calling it is not for the faint of heart
of heart
of heart it is not the other thing I feel like
it is not the other thing I feel like
it is not the other thing I feel like I’ve got to tell you is that most of my
I’ve got to tell you is that most of my
I’ve got to tell you is that most of my talks and most of the talk about people
talks and most of the talk about people
talks and most of the talk about people like me who go do extreme things I mean
like me who go do extreme things I mean
like me who go do extreme things I mean they’re not all doing it to energize
they’re not all doing it to energize
they’re not all doing it to energize clean ups of dirty waterways but focuses
clean ups of dirty waterways but focuses
clean ups of dirty waterways but focuses on the external stuff right it’s the
on the external stuff right it’s the
on the external stuff right it’s the external story look at his suit look at
external story look at his suit look at
external story look at his suit look at his goggles look at his cap Wow cool
his goggles look at his cap Wow cool
his goggles look at his cap Wow cool team nice boats great spreadsheet
team nice boats great spreadsheet
team nice boats great spreadsheet describing the budget that we’re gonna
describing the budget that we’re gonna
describing the budget that we’re gonna go over for this project right all the
go over for this project right all the
go over for this project right all the trappings if you want to be a change
trappings if you want to be a change
trappings if you want to be a change agent if you want to find your agency
agent if you want to find your agency
agent if you want to find your agency and to me agency means your ability to
and to me agency means your ability to
and to me agency means your ability to gather yourself find your power to get
gather yourself find your power to get
gather yourself find your power to get something done or accomplishes your
something done or accomplishes your
something done or accomplishes your ability to stand up in your own skin
ability to stand up in your own skin
ability to stand up in your own skin find your voice and do things if you
find your voice and do things if you
find your voice and do things if you want to gather that you need access to
want to gather that you need access to
want to gather that you need access to every bit of energy in your being and
every bit of energy in your being and
every bit of energy in your being and here’s the tricky part here’s the part
here’s the tricky part here’s the part
here’s the tricky part here’s the part of the talk I don’t want to give that
of the talk I don’t want to give that
of the talk I don’t want to give that means you have to admit to the stuff
means you have to admit to the stuff
means you have to admit to the stuff inside you that you’re hiding from and
inside you that you’re hiding from and
inside you that you’re hiding from and that you are hiding from other people
that you are hiding from other people
that you are hiding from other people because you’ve got energy
because you’ve got energy
because you’ve got energy tied up in that and you are gonna need
tied up in that and you are gonna need
tied up in that and you are gonna need all of the energy you have if you’re
all of the energy you have if you’re
all of the energy you have if you’re gonna do Purpose Driven work so that
gonna do Purpose Driven work so that
gonna do Purpose Driven work so that means really it’s not about the suit you
means really it’s not about the suit you
means really it’s not about the suit you want to be a change agent you want to
want to be a change agent you want to
want to be a change agent you want to change the world make a difference make
change the world make a difference make
change the world make a difference make your offering reach full flower ladies
your offering reach full flower ladies
your offering reach full flower ladies and gentlemen that is an inside job
and gentlemen that is an inside job
and gentlemen that is an inside job which is why we got to take the suit off
which is why we got to take the suit off
which is why we got to take the suit off really and which is why and I hate doing
really and which is why and I hate doing
really and which is why and I hate doing this too
this too
this too I’m gonna ask for help would you please
I’m gonna ask for help would you please
I’m gonna ask for help would you please help me take off my suit I hate asking
help me take off my suit I hate asking
help me take off my suit I hate asking for help you know what’s worse than
for help you know what’s worse than
for help you know what’s worse than asking for help
asking for help
asking for help receiving help right I’m gonna try
receiving help right I’m gonna try
receiving help right I’m gonna try though so while we’re doing this
though so while we’re doing this
though so while we’re doing this I’m gonna say that the question you can
I’m gonna say that the question you can
I’m gonna say that the question you can do it remember the self-talk you can do
do it remember the self-talk you can do
do it remember the self-talk you can do it you got this all right now help me
it you got this all right now help me
it you got this all right now help me get this arm out so the major question
get this arm out so the major question
get this arm out so the major question you’re gonna have to ask yourself if you
you’re gonna have to ask yourself if you
you’re gonna have to ask yourself if you want to do the deep dive if you want
want to do the deep dive if you want
want to do the deep dive if you want hang on let’s give him something to look
hang on let’s give him something to look
hang on let’s give him something to look at who are you you think about who you
at who are you you think about who you
at who are you you think about who you are while I’m fighting with my costume
there we go okay so maybe going inside
there we go okay so maybe going inside isn’t worth it can’t even use this arm
isn’t worth it can’t even use this arm
isn’t worth it can’t even use this arm now just thinking of how many times I’m
now just thinking of how many times I’m
now just thinking of how many times I’m gonna be teased about this makes me want
gonna be teased about this makes me want
gonna be teased about this makes me want to cry
to cry
to cry okay let’s get on with it you want to
okay let’s get on with it you want to
okay let’s get on with it you want to who you are this is the least of your
who you are this is the least of your
who you are this is the least of your humiliations what you’re witnessing
humiliations what you’re witnessing
humiliations what you’re witnessing right here but let’s get down to it
right here but let’s get down to it
right here but let’s get down to it what do you want I don’t mean what
what do you want I don’t mean what
what do you want I don’t mean what you’re gonna tell other people you want
you’re gonna tell other people you want
you’re gonna tell other people you want I mean what do you want that you don’t
I mean what do you want that you don’t
I mean what do you want that you don’t tell other people so go on a little
tell other people so go on a little
tell other people so go on a little journey with me for a second here I’m
journey with me for a second here I’m
journey with me for a second here I’m gonna tell you a little bit what I want
gonna tell you a little bit what I want
gonna tell you a little bit what I want so when I was young and I was 20 you
so when I was young and I was 20 you
so when I was young and I was 20 you know what I wanted to do kick ass I
know what I wanted to do kick ass I
know what I wanted to do kick ass I didn’t really know what that meant
didn’t really know what that meant
didn’t really know what that meant that’s what I wanted to do that was my
that’s what I wanted to do that was my
that’s what I wanted to do that was my plan so fully-fledged plan so that you
plan so fully-fledged plan so that you
plan so fully-fledged plan so that you know work in progress I have a better
know work in progress I have a better
know work in progress I have a better sense of what I want now now and this
sense of what I want now now and this
sense of what I want now now and this was confirmed because I was part of a
was confirmed because I was part of a
was confirmed because I was part of a cohort of people extreme athletes that
cohort of people extreme athletes that
cohort of people extreme athletes that outside magazines studied several years
outside magazines studied several years
outside magazines studied several years ago and we had two between us we did all
ago and we had two between us we did all
ago and we had two between us we did all kinds of things like MRIs neurological
kinds of things like MRIs neurological
kinds of things like MRIs neurological exams emotional surveys they’re trying
exams emotional surveys they’re trying
exams emotional surveys they’re trying to figure out why we do what we do in my
to figure out why we do what we do in my
to figure out why we do what we do in my case what would possess someone to swim
case what would possess someone to swim
case what would possess someone to swim in freezing water in a blizzard this
in freezing water in a blizzard this
in freezing water in a blizzard this kind of thing I was the only one it
kind of thing I was the only one it
kind of thing I was the only one it turned out who wasn’t doing it for the
turned out who wasn’t doing it for the
turned out who wasn’t doing it for the adrenaline hit who wasn’t a risk taker
adrenaline hit who wasn’t a risk taker
adrenaline hit who wasn’t a risk taker which seems weird because most people
which seems weird because most people
which seems weird because most people think I’m a risk taker I was after an
think I’m a risk taker I was after an
think I’m a risk taker I was after an experience of oneness and I was kind of
experience of oneness and I was kind of
experience of oneness and I was kind of shocked that they figured this out
shocked that they figured this out
shocked that they figured this out because I’d always known that about
because I’d always known that about
because I’d always known that about myself I didn’t like to talk about it
myself I didn’t like to talk about it
myself I didn’t like to talk about it but my best days in the water there is
but my best days in the water there is
but my best days in the water there is no separation
no separation
no separation I can feel between the water and me I am
I can feel between the water and me I am
I can feel between the water and me I am the river I am the ocean usually doesn’t
the river I am the ocean usually doesn’t
the river I am the ocean usually doesn’t last that long like you get a few
last that long like you get a few
last that long like you get a few minutes of it or 20 minutes of it and
minutes of it or 20 minutes of it and
minutes of it or 20 minutes of it and then nothing but
then nothing but
then nothing but slog for like two years and then you get
slog for like two years and then you get
slog for like two years and then you get it again but if I’m out there swimming
it again but if I’m out there swimming
it again but if I’m out there swimming in a blizzard in the river you know what
in a blizzard in the river you know what
in a blizzard in the river you know what I want I want to be part of the river I
I want I want to be part of the river I
I want I want to be part of the river I want to be part of the blizzard I want
want to be part of the blizzard I want
want to be part of the blizzard I want to know what it’s like to be river and
to know what it’s like to be river and
to know what it’s like to be river and blizzard I want to be connected to
blizzard I want to be connected to
blizzard I want to be connected to everything that’s what I’m going for
everything that’s what I’m going for
everything that’s what I’m going for that’s the drug I’m seeking the other
that’s the drug I’m seeking the other
that’s the drug I’m seeking the other thing I want and this is hard to say is
thing I want and this is hard to say is
thing I want and this is hard to say is I want my voice heard I want to speak up
I want my voice heard I want to speak up
I want my voice heard I want to speak up for the stuff I want to speak up for and
for the stuff I want to speak up for and
for the stuff I want to speak up for and I want people to hear it and I want to
I want people to hear it and I want to
I want people to hear it and I want to do it in a public way and it’s not
do it in a public way and it’s not
do it in a public way and it’s not sometimes cool to say that I’m not
sometimes cool to say that I’m not
sometimes cool to say that I’m not saying I want to be famous
saying I want to be famous
saying I want to be famous I wouldn’t wish that on me or anybody
I wouldn’t wish that on me or anybody
I wouldn’t wish that on me or anybody I’m saying I want to stand up in front
I’m saying I want to stand up in front
I’m saying I want to stand up in front of people and say what’s in my heart to
of people and say what’s in my heart to
of people and say what’s in my heart to say about the experiences I’ve had out
say about the experiences I’ve had out
say about the experiences I’ve had out there in the water and sometimes that’s
there in the water and sometimes that’s
there in the water and sometimes that’s awkward to admit to but I’m telling you
awkward to admit to but I’m telling you
awkward to admit to but I’m telling you guys to do that stuff so I got to stand
guys to do that stuff so I got to stand
guys to do that stuff so I got to stand up here and do it but what about you
up here and do it but what about you
up here and do it but what about you what do you guys want I’m gonna ask you
what do you guys want I’m gonna ask you
what do you guys want I’m gonna ask you to go on a quick journey with me I’m
to go on a quick journey with me I’m
to go on a quick journey with me I’m gonna ask you all to take a deep breath
gonna ask you all to take a deep breath
gonna ask you all to take a deep breath in and out and I’m gonna ask you please
in and out and I’m gonna ask you please
in and out and I’m gonna ask you please to close your eyes for a moment and just
to close your eyes for a moment and just
to close your eyes for a moment and just listen to my voice move back into your
listen to my voice move back into your
listen to my voice move back into your body for a second just feel the chair
body for a second just feel the chair
body for a second just feel the chair pushing on you your clothes on your skin
pushing on you your clothes on your skin
pushing on you your clothes on your skin the temperature of the room feel your
the temperature of the room feel your
the temperature of the room feel your breath going in and out if you’re quiet
breath going in and out if you’re quiet
breath going in and out if you’re quiet enough you could probably feel your
enough you could probably feel your
enough you could probably feel your heart and beat put your awareness on
heart and beat put your awareness on
heart and beat put your awareness on your heart and keep it there I’m gonna
your heart and keep it there I’m gonna
your heart and keep it there I’m gonna ask you something imagine you could do
ask you something imagine you could do
ask you something imagine you could do any work for the world anything and that
any work for the world anything and that
any work for the world anything and that this work would be the work that would
this work would be the work that would
this work would be the work that would make you feel okay about your life’s
make you feel okay about your life’s
make you feel okay about your life’s offering it would be the work that did
offering it would be the work that did
offering it would be the work that did it for you that satisfied you the thing
it for you that satisfied you the thing
it for you that satisfied you the thing that if you did it you’d be good
that if you did it you’d be good
that if you did it you’d be good and now imagine you’ll have all the
and now imagine you’ll have all the
and now imagine you’ll have all the financial support you need your friends
financial support you need your friends
financial support you need your friends your family and your loved ones will
your family and your loved ones will
your family and your loved ones will offer you their full support all the
offer you their full support all the
offer you their full support all the logistical hurdles all the challenges
logistical hurdles all the challenges
logistical hurdles all the challenges it’s gonna work out
it’s gonna work out
it’s gonna work out you’re gonna meet all those challenges
you’re gonna meet all those challenges
you’re gonna meet all those challenges just take a look at what that work looks
just take a look at what that work looks
just take a look at what that work looks like for you and mark how it feels to
like for you and mark how it feels to
like for you and mark how it feels to get that glimpse and now please know
get that glimpse and now please know
get that glimpse and now please know that you can go back there and follow
that you can go back there and follow
that you can go back there and follow that thread anytime but right now I’m
that thread anytime but right now I’m
that thread anytime but right now I’m gonna ask you to come back to me in this
gonna ask you to come back to me in this
gonna ask you to come back to me in this room welcome back so those are your
room welcome back so those are your
room welcome back so those are your desires or a glimpse you also got to
desires or a glimpse you also got to
desires or a glimpse you also got to deal with your history this can be rough
deal with your history this can be rough
deal with your history this can be rough too so that’s me when I was four years
too so that’s me when I was four years
too so that’s me when I was four years old and you can get something from this
old and you can get something from this
old and you can get something from this here’s a good story about my history
here’s a good story about my history
here’s a good story about my history that four year old loves the water
that four year old loves the water
that four year old loves the water little Christopher loves the beach he is
little Christopher loves the beach he is
little Christopher loves the beach he is routinely screamed at at the end of the
routinely screamed at at the end of the
routinely screamed at at the end of the day by his relatives not because he did
day by his relatives not because he did
day by his relatives not because he did something bad but because he refuses to
something bad but because he refuses to
something bad but because he refuses to get out of the water he loves the water
get out of the water he loves the water
get out of the water he loves the water so to paraphrase what Peter Jennings did
so to paraphrase what Peter Jennings did
so to paraphrase what Peter Jennings did when he summed up my life this is a
when he summed up my life this is a
when he summed up my life this is a childhood passion that became a life’s
childhood passion that became a life’s
childhood passion that became a life’s mission yes that’s true
mission yes that’s true
mission yes that’s true here’s what’s also true there’s things
here’s what’s also true there’s things
here’s what’s also true there’s things about me you don’t know and that I feel
about me you don’t know and that I feel
about me you don’t know and that I feel comfortable keeping from you there’s
comfortable keeping from you there’s
comfortable keeping from you there’s difficult things that have happened to
difficult things that have happened to
difficult things that have happened to all of us and those difficult things
all of us and those difficult things
all of us and those difficult things some of them leave a mark
some of them leave a mark
some of them leave a mark leave wounds and that means there’s a
leave wounds and that means there’s a
leave wounds and that means there’s a charge on them and that means you have
charge on them and that means you have
charge on them and that means you have energy tied up in protecting yourself
energy tied up in protecting yourself
energy tied up in protecting yourself from going to those places and what I’m
from going to those places and what I’m
from going to those places and what I’m here to tell you is you got to go there
here to tell you is you got to go there
here to tell you is you got to go there and accept those parts of you if you’re
and accept those parts of you if you’re
and accept those parts of you if you’re gonna go out there and do this work so
gonna go out there and do this work so
gonna go out there and do this work so not gonna get into all my childhood
not gonna get into all my childhood
not gonna get into all my childhood damaged we all got damaged in our
damaged we all got damaged in our
damaged we all got damaged in our childhood somehow right but I will say
childhood somehow right but I will say
childhood somehow right but I will say this without his glasses the kid in the
this without his glasses the kid in the
this without his glasses the kid in the picture or me now without my contact
picture or me now without my contact
picture or me now without my contact lenses I’m legally blind I’ve never told
lenses I’m legally blind I’ve never told
lenses I’m legally blind I’ve never told an audience this before my vision is
an audience this before my vision is
an audience this before my vision is less than 2400 uncorrect ‘add I can’t
less than 2400 uncorrect ‘add I can’t
less than 2400 uncorrect ‘add I can’t see anything
see anything
see anything so as a bully target in school in
so as a bully target in school in
so as a bully target in school in elementary school I was perfect knocked
elementary school I was perfect knocked
elementary school I was perfect knocked my glasses off beat me down right that’s
my glasses off beat me down right that’s
my glasses off beat me down right that’s not fun at the time but later when you
not fun at the time but later when you
not fun at the time but later when you think back on the daily beatings you
think back on the daily beatings you
think back on the daily beatings you know on the playground and in the locker
know on the playground and in the locker
know on the playground and in the locker room before gym you think yeah getting
room before gym you think yeah getting
room before gym you think yeah getting run over by a boats bad and yeah getting
run over by a boats bad and yeah getting
run over by a boats bad and yeah getting hit in the head by logs and Sime storm
hit in the head by logs and Sime storm
hit in the head by logs and Sime storm waves is bad but you know what I’ve been
waves is bad but you know what I’ve been
waves is bad but you know what I’ve been there I’ve been I can take a beating so
there I’ve been I can take a beating so
there I’ve been I can take a beating so you need to find that piece of you that
you need to find that piece of you that
you need to find that piece of you that can harness your history and then you’ve
can harness your history and then you’ve
can harness your history and then you’ve got to find a way forward and the tricky
got to find a way forward and the tricky
got to find a way forward and the tricky bit about finding a way forward in this
bit about finding a way forward in this
bit about finding a way forward in this work is that it’s gonna go differently
work is that it’s gonna go differently
work is that it’s gonna go differently for everybody but I can tell you a
for everybody but I can tell you a
for everybody but I can tell you a couple things you were gonna have to
couple things you were gonna have to
couple things you were gonna have to leave behind what you know you were
leave behind what you know you were
leave behind what you know you were gonna have to literally or figuratively
gonna have to literally or figuratively
gonna have to literally or figuratively kiss your family goodbye cross the
kiss your family goodbye cross the
kiss your family goodbye cross the threshold
threshold
threshold remember your Joseph Campbell go out
remember your Joseph Campbell go out
remember your Joseph Campbell go out into the world you’re gonna have to take
into the world you’re gonna have to take
into the world you’re gonna have to take a first step if you want to do this work
a first step if you want to do this work
a first step if you want to do this work and that means you’re gonna leave what
and that means you’re gonna leave what
and that means you’re gonna leave what you know and then you’re gonna run into
you know and then you’re gonna run into
you know and then you’re gonna run into stuff out in the world and some of the
stuff out in the world and some of the
stuff out in the world and some of the stuff you run into is gonna be really
stuff you run into is gonna be really
stuff you run into is gonna be really confronting you’re gonna feel afraid
confronting you’re gonna feel afraid
confronting you’re gonna feel afraid you’re gonna feel alone and in that
you’re gonna feel alone and in that
you’re gonna feel alone and in that place I think it’s worth saying a
place I think it’s worth saying a
place I think it’s worth saying a practice of faith can help you I’m not
practice of faith can help you I’m not
practice of faith can help you I’m not saying believe in God I’m not here to
saying believe in God I’m not here to
saying believe in God I’m not here to have a religious discussion I’m not a
have a religious discussion I’m not a
have a religious discussion I’m not a religious person but I’m a person of
religious person but I’m a person of
religious person but I’m a person of faith what do I mean here are the kinds
faith what do I mean here are the kinds
faith what do I mean here are the kinds of faith I have one kind is faith in me
of faith I have one kind is faith in me
of faith I have one kind is faith in me I have been through some stuff and I am
I have been through some stuff and I am
I have been through some stuff and I am still here the important part about that
still here the important part about that
still here the important part about that the same thing is true for all of you
the same thing is true for all of you
the same thing is true for all of you listening you are still here you are a
listening you are still here you are a
listening you are still here you are a survivor you have been through some of
survivor you have been through some of
survivor you have been through some of you unbelievable things and you are
you unbelievable things and you are
you unbelievable things and you are still here in your skin if there was one
still here in your skin if there was one
still here in your skin if there was one thing I could tell you it would be this
thing I could tell you it would be this
thing I could tell you it would be this the goal of following your road and
the goal of following your road and
the goal of following your road and doing the work you are meant to do is a
doing the work you are meant to do is a
doing the work you are meant to do is a pretty simple one right it’s to succeed
pretty simple one right it’s to succeed
pretty simple one right it’s to succeed and get there and feel good but the
and get there and feel good but the
and get there and feel good but the trick to doing it is this if you wanted
trick to doing it is this if you wanted
trick to doing it is this if you wanted to guarantee yourself success all you
to guarantee yourself success all you
to guarantee yourself success all you have to remember is if you stick with
have to remember is if you stick with
have to remember is if you stick with yourself if you stay in your own skin no
yourself if you stay in your own skin no
yourself if you stay in your own skin no matter what jellyfish sharks
matter what jellyfish sharks
matter what jellyfish sharks beatings loneliness missing your family
beatings loneliness missing your family
beatings loneliness missing your family whatever comes your way
whatever comes your way
whatever comes your way if you stay with yourself and stay in
if you stay with yourself and stay in
if you stay with yourself and stay in your own skin no matter what only two
your own skin no matter what only two
your own skin no matter what only two outcomes will remain open to you one you
outcomes will remain open to you one you
outcomes will remain open to you one you will die trying to do the work but at
will die trying to do the work but at
will die trying to do the work but at least you die doing what you wanted or
least you die doing what you wanted or
least you die doing what you wanted or you will get there the only thing that
you will get there the only thing that
you will get there the only thing that can keep you from getting there is if
can keep you from getting there is if
can keep you from getting there is if you don’t stick with you if you do get
you don’t stick with you if you do get
you don’t stick with you if you do get there you can have another problem the
there you can have another problem the
there you can have another problem the person who left isn’t the person you are
person who left isn’t the person you are
person who left isn’t the person you are at the end the people at home might not
at the end the people at home might not
at the end the people at home might not recognize you when I was twenty years
recognize you when I was twenty years
recognize you when I was twenty years old I was suicidally depressed the pain
old I was suicidally depressed the pain
old I was suicidally depressed the pain of being in my own skin of remembering
of being in my own skin of remembering
of being in my own skin of remembering all the wounds and the damage made me
all the wounds and the damage made me
all the wounds and the damage made me want to kill myself I planned it I had
want to kill myself I planned it I had
want to kill myself I planned it I had access to guns for target shooting I had
access to guns for target shooting I had
access to guns for target shooting I had time alone I mapped it out I could do it
time alone I mapped it out I could do it
time alone I mapped it out I could do it I was gonna end my life I didn’t but I
I was gonna end my life I didn’t but I
I was gonna end my life I didn’t but I didn’t do it
didn’t do it
didn’t do it because of an accident and the accident
because of an accident and the accident
because of an accident and the accident was it suddenly occurred to me that if I
was it suddenly occurred to me that if I
was it suddenly occurred to me that if I were willing to end my life I had
were willing to end my life I had
were willing to end my life I had nothing to lose I wasn’t even afraid to
nothing to lose I wasn’t even afraid to
nothing to lose I wasn’t even afraid to die I thought dying would be a relief in
die I thought dying would be a relief in
die I thought dying would be a relief in my 20-something brain I was ready to go
my 20-something brain I was ready to go
my 20-something brain I was ready to go there and then all of a sudden I thought
there and then all of a sudden I thought
there and then all of a sudden I thought wait a second
wait a second
wait a second if I’m ready to go there if I’m not
if I’m ready to go there if I’m not
if I’m ready to go there if I’m not afraid to die if I have nothing to lose
afraid to die if I have nothing to lose
afraid to die if I have nothing to lose I could do anything I’m free so I took
I could do anything I’m free so I took
I could do anything I’m free so I took the suicide card off the table I put it
the suicide card off the table I put it
the suicide card off the table I put it in my back pocket and it’s been there
in my back pocket and it’s been there
in my back pocket and it’s been there ever since I’m okay
ever since I’m okay
ever since I’m okay that I’m here I can’t go back in time
that I’m here I can’t go back in time
that I’m here I can’t go back in time but if I could I would go back and talk
but if I could I would go back and talk
but if I could I would go back and talk to my twenty-something suicidal self
to my twenty-something suicidal self
to my twenty-something suicidal self because it could have gone another way
because it could have gone another way
because it could have gone another way and I will say to you what I would say
and I will say to you what I would say
and I will say to you what I would say to him which is you probably won’t
to him which is you probably won’t
to him which is you probably won’t believe me and you don’t realize this
believe me and you don’t realize this
believe me and you don’t realize this yet but the fact that you are still here
yet but the fact that you are still here
yet but the fact that you are still here that you can stand it right now to stay
that you can stand it right now to stay
that you can stand it right now to stay in your skin that is gonna turn out to
in your skin that is gonna turn out to
in your skin that is gonna turn out to be the most important gift you give
be the most important gift you give
be the most important gift you give yourself I know that you’re in pain and
yourself I know that you’re in pain and
yourself I know that you’re in pain and I know I’m running out of time so I have
I know I’m running out of time so I have
I know I’m running out of time so I have one more thing I think that I would say
one more thing I think that I would say
one more thing I think that I would say and I’d say this to all of you listening
and I’d say this to all of you listening
and I’d say this to all of you listening as well sometimes this work hurts
as well sometimes this work hurts
as well sometimes this work hurts sometimes your history hurts sometimes
sometimes your history hurts sometimes
sometimes your history hurts sometimes it feels like you cannot stay in your
it feels like you cannot stay in your
it feels like you cannot stay in your skin and bear it I’m here to tell you
skin and bear it I’m here to tell you
skin and bear it I’m here to tell you you can and I’m also here to tell you I
you can and I’m also here to tell you I
you can and I’m also here to tell you I see you in your skin is where you belong
welcome home thank you for listening
welcome home thank you for listening [Applause]
”
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