Fears to Fierce | Brita Fernandez Schmidt | TEDxCoventGardenWomen

for the last 25 years I’ve worked with

for the last 25 years I’ve worked with women all over the world women like

women all over the world women like

women all over the world women like Gertrude from the Congo who was held as

Gertrude from the Congo who was held as

Gertrude from the Congo who was held as a sex slave for a year and a half who

a sex slave for a year and a half who

a sex slave for a year and a half who saw her daughter raped in front of her

saw her daughter raped in front of her

saw her daughter raped in front of her own eyes who was so badly scarred that

own eyes who was so badly scarred that

own eyes who was so badly scarred that it took months to heal her body she

it took months to heal her body she

it took months to heal her body she found the courage within herself to heal

found the courage within herself to heal

found the courage within herself to heal and to rebuild her life she’s now

and to rebuild her life she’s now

and to rebuild her life she’s now speaking out against violence women like

speaking out against violence women like

speaking out against violence women like Fatima from Rwanda who was raped and had

Fatima from Rwanda who was raped and had

Fatima from Rwanda who was raped and had her unborn baby cut out of her womb she

her unborn baby cut out of her womb she

her unborn baby cut out of her womb she is now helping and inspiring other women

is now helping and inspiring other women

is now helping and inspiring other women in her community women who have

in her community women who have

in her community women who have experienced unspeakable things who have

experienced unspeakable things who have

experienced unspeakable things who have experienced real and profound fear who

experienced real and profound fear who

experienced real and profound fear who have been raped and violated ignored and

have been raped and violated ignored and

have been raped and violated ignored and mutilated how do they recover how do

mutilated how do they recover how do

mutilated how do they recover how do they find their fears the fears that is

they find their fears the fears that is

they find their fears the fears that is the power within all of us the very

the power within all of us the very

the power within all of us the very essence of who we are that which moves

essence of who we are that which moves

essence of who we are that which moves us deeply from these incredible women I

us deeply from these incredible women I

us deeply from these incredible women I have learned how to nurture my fears my

have learned how to nurture my fears my

have learned how to nurture my fears my power and do that in the face of fear

power and do that in the face of fear

power and do that in the face of fear when I was 14 I moved with my family to

when I was 14 I moved with my family to

when I was 14 I moved with my family to Venezuela and I remember landing in

Venezuela and I remember landing in

Venezuela and I remember landing in Caracas and leaving the air-conditioned

Caracas and leaving the air-conditioned

Caracas and leaving the air-conditioned Airport building and the heat hits you

Airport building and the heat hits you

Airport building and the heat hits you in the face and in that same way the

in the face and in that same way the

in the face and in that same way the poverty and inequality in that country

poverty and inequality in that country

poverty and inequality in that country hit me profoundly and ignited a spark

hit me profoundly and ignited a spark

hit me profoundly and ignited a spark within me that is now a blazing fire a

within me that is now a blazing fire a

within me that is now a blazing fire a burning passion for equality this

burning passion for equality this

burning passion for equality this passion for equality was fueled as we

passion for equality was fueled as we

passion for equality was fueled as we were driving up to Caracas I saw the

were driving up to Caracas I saw the

were driving up to Caracas I saw the shanty towns where thousands of people

shanty towns where thousands of people

shanty towns where thousands of people live in

live in

live in makeshift houses but also the wealth the

makeshift houses but also the wealth the

makeshift houses but also the wealth the country-club

country-club

country-club the mentions the swimming pools I could

the mentions the swimming pools I could

the mentions the swimming pools I could not believe it the contrast was so

not believe it the contrast was so

not believe it the contrast was so shocking

shocking

shocking this disbelief continued as I became

this disbelief continued as I became

this disbelief continued as I became more familiar with living in Venezuela I

more familiar with living in Venezuela I

more familiar with living in Venezuela I realized how widespread the inequality

realized how widespread the inequality

realized how widespread the inequality is and how it effects everyone but women

is and how it effects everyone but women

is and how it effects everyone but women disproportionately seventy percent of

disproportionately seventy percent of

disproportionately seventy percent of the poorest in the world are women

the poorest in the world are women

the poorest in the world are women I remember Gladys a woman who worked for

I remember Gladys a woman who worked for

I remember Gladys a woman who worked for my parents she had four children from

my parents she had four children from

my parents she had four children from four different fathers none of whom

four different fathers none of whom

four different fathers none of whom stayed she had a hard life and I

stayed she had a hard life and I

stayed she had a hard life and I remember my urge of wanting to take her

remember my urge of wanting to take her

remember my urge of wanting to take her arm and tell her you don’t have to be

arm and tell her you don’t have to be

arm and tell her you don’t have to be used and abused in that way at the same

used and abused in that way at the same

used and abused in that way at the same time this inequality based on your

time this inequality based on your

time this inequality based on your gender just because you are born a woman

gender just because you are born a woman

gender just because you are born a woman was also playing out in my own life I

was also playing out in my own life I

was also playing out in my own life I remember sitting at the dining room

remember sitting at the dining room

remember sitting at the dining room table

table

table with my family and my father would say

with my family and my father would say

with my family and my father would say to me Brita go and help your mom tidy

to me Brita go and help your mom tidy

to me Brita go and help your mom tidy the table whilst he and my brother were

the table whilst he and my brother were

the table whilst he and my brother were just sitting there I mean I was 14 and I

just sitting there I mean I was 14 and I

just sitting there I mean I was 14 and I don’t know anything about feminism at

don’t know anything about feminism at

don’t know anything about feminism at the time but I definitely knew that that

the time but I definitely knew that that

the time but I definitely knew that that was not fair so there was a lot that I

was not fair so there was a lot that I

was not fair so there was a lot that I was seeing and experiencing that was

was seeing and experiencing that was

was seeing and experiencing that was fueling my passion for equality and I

fueling my passion for equality and I

fueling my passion for equality and I knew I had to do something but what for

knew I had to do something but what for

knew I had to do something but what for me it was about making sense of it first

me it was about making sense of it first

me it was about making sense of it first understanding what was going on and then

understanding what was going on and then

understanding what was going on and then seeing what I could do I mean I didn’t

seeing what I could do I mean I didn’t

seeing what I could do I mean I didn’t realize that in the same way that I’m

realize that in the same way that I’m

realize that in the same way that I’m telling you now right I mean I didn’t

telling you now right I mean I didn’t

telling you now right I mean I didn’t have a plan I had this burning passion

have a plan I had this burning passion

have a plan I had this burning passion but I also had a lot of fear I think I

but I also had a lot of fear I think I

but I also had a lot of fear I think I had a lot of fear because I

had a lot of fear because I

had a lot of fear because I instinctively knew that whatever I was

instinctively knew that whatever I was

instinctively knew that whatever I was going to do was going to involve moving

going to do was going to involve moving

going to do was going to involve moving away from the norm because I saw the

away from the norm because I saw the

away from the norm because I saw the norm as creating the inequality moving

norm as creating the inequality moving

norm as creating the inequality moving away from the norm also made sense

away from the norm also made sense

away from the norm also made sense because I did not feel normal

because I did not feel normal

because I did not feel normal I’ve been this tall since I was 13 I was

I’ve been this tall since I was 13 I was

I’ve been this tall since I was 13 I was as passionate then as I am now I spoke

as passionate then as I am now I spoke

as passionate then as I am now I spoke fast and excitedly

fast and excitedly

fast and excitedly all in all I was too tall too loud too

all in all I was too tall too loud too

all in all I was too tall too loud too difficult I didn’t fit in I could never

difficult I didn’t fit in I could never

difficult I didn’t fit in I could never get trousers that were long enough and I

get trousers that were long enough and I

get trousers that were long enough and I just felt I was too much so I decided to

just felt I was too much so I decided to

just felt I was too much so I decided to study women’s studies which was then Anu

study women’s studies which was then Anu

study women’s studies which was then Anu and as you can imagine often billeted

and as you can imagine often billeted

and as you can imagine often billeted subject but in class I had more of a

subject but in class I had more of a

subject but in class I had more of a sense of belonging than I have ever had

sense of belonging than I have ever had

sense of belonging than I have ever had before and through my studies I

before and through my studies I

before and through my studies I understood the extent of gender

understood the extent of gender

understood the extent of gender inequality across all societies this

inequality across all societies this

inequality across all societies this really inspired me the fears of the

really inspired me the fears of the

really inspired me the fears of the women that I had studied inspired me and

women that I had studied inspired me and

women that I had studied inspired me and I knew that I wanted that too I wanted

I knew that I wanted that too I wanted

I knew that I wanted that too I wanted to follow my passion for equality this

to follow my passion for equality this

to follow my passion for equality this led me to work for the not-for-profit

led me to work for the not-for-profit

led me to work for the not-for-profit sector promoting women’s rights I

sector promoting women’s rights I

sector promoting women’s rights I thought that this would be the best way

thought that this would be the best way

thought that this would be the best way to change the world for women and it has

to change the world for women and it has

to change the world for women and it has been that for me the first ten years

been that for me the first ten years

been that for me the first ten years working with women in Africa Latin

working with women in Africa Latin

working with women in Africa Latin America and Asia where life changing I

America and Asia where life changing I

America and Asia where life changing I was having a positive impact

was having a positive impact

was having a positive impact I was helping other women to find their

I was helping other women to find their

I was helping other women to find their fears I remember early on traveling to

fears I remember early on traveling to

fears I remember early on traveling to Ethiopia where I was working on a

Ethiopia where I was working on a

Ethiopia where I was working on a project on female genital mutilation and

project on female genital mutilation and

project on female genital mutilation and childhood enforced marriage and I met a

childhood enforced marriage and I met a

childhood enforced marriage and I met a barrage a young 13 year old girl we were

barrage a young 13 year old girl we were

barrage a young 13 year old girl we were standing in a derelict school building

standing in a derelict school building

standing in a derelict school building in the outskirts of Addis Ababa and she

in the outskirts of Addis Ababa and she

in the outskirts of Addis Ababa and she was telling me her story how her

was telling me her story how her

was telling me her story how her genitals were cut when she was three and

genitals were cut when she was three and

genitals were cut when she was three and how she bled and how painful it was and

how she bled and how painful it was and

how she bled and how painful it was and how aged eleven she was forced to marry

how aged eleven she was forced to marry

how aged eleven she was forced to marry a 40 year old man and how he raped her

a 40 year old man and how he raped her

a 40 year old man and how he raped her on a regular basis and how she escaped

on a regular basis and how she escaped

on a regular basis and how she escaped as I was listening to her I

as I was listening to her I

as I was listening to her I such deep sadness and tears were

such deep sadness and tears were

such deep sadness and tears were streaming down my face for her and for

streaming down my face for her and for

streaming down my face for her and for all the young girls who have experienced

all the young girls who have experienced

all the young girls who have experienced unspeakable things that no one ever

unspeakable things that no one ever

unspeakable things that no one ever should have to and I had this the

should have to and I had this the

should have to and I had this the darkness of the pain or so overwhelming

darkness of the pain or so overwhelming

darkness of the pain or so overwhelming I had this urge to find a light and so I

I had this urge to find a light and so I

I had this urge to find a light and so I said to her what are your dreams what

said to her what are your dreams what

said to her what are your dreams what are you hoping for and for the first

are you hoping for and for the first

are you hoping for and for the first time her face lit up and she said she

time her face lit up and she said she

time her face lit up and she said she wanted to learn English she wanted to

wanted to learn English she wanted to

wanted to learn English she wanted to learn English I could not believe it

learn English I could not believe it

learn English I could not believe it that in the midst of this darkness there

that in the midst of this darkness there

that in the midst of this darkness there was a light and I remember thinking to

was a light and I remember thinking to

was a light and I remember thinking to myself this is what I am going to do I

myself this is what I am going to do I

myself this is what I am going to do I am always going to try and find hope and

am always going to try and find hope and

am always going to try and find hope and I’m gonna make it my business to invest

I’m gonna make it my business to invest

I’m gonna make it my business to invest in that hope a year later my colleague

in that hope a year later my colleague

in that hope a year later my colleague visited average and she was speaking

visited average and she was speaking

visited average and she was speaking English and whilst my reality could not

English and whilst my reality could not

English and whilst my reality could not be further removed from other rushes I

be further removed from other rushes I

be further removed from other rushes I also know that there is so much that

also know that there is so much that

also know that there is so much that connects us above all our hope that we

connects us above all our hope that we

connects us above all our hope that we can change our lives that we can fulfill

can change our lives that we can fulfill

can change our lives that we can fulfill our potential that we can find our fears

our potential that we can find our fears

our potential that we can find our fears so whilst I was helping other women to

so whilst I was helping other women to

so whilst I was helping other women to find their fears how was my fears doing

find their fears how was my fears doing

find their fears how was my fears doing well not so great I was pregnant with my

well not so great I was pregnant with my

well not so great I was pregnant with my first daughter I was working for women’s

first daughter I was working for women’s

first daughter I was working for women’s rights organization and I wanted

rights organization and I wanted

rights organization and I wanted flexible working and the answer was no

flexible working and the answer was no

flexible working and the answer was no and I didn’t challenge it because I was

and I didn’t challenge it because I was

and I didn’t challenge it because I was scared I was worried about rocking the

scared I was worried about rocking the

scared I was worried about rocking the boat and so I kept my fears in check

boat and so I kept my fears in check

boat and so I kept my fears in check until I was being bullied it was hurting

until I was being bullied it was hurting

until I was being bullied it was hurting and undermining me I was being bullied

and undermining me I was being bullied

and undermining me I was being bullied by another woman who was also a woman’s

by another woman who was also a woman’s

by another woman who was also a woman’s rights advocate and again I was too

rights advocate and again I was too

rights advocate and again I was too scared to speak up

scared to speak up

scared to speak up I kept my fears in check and I probably

I kept my fears in check and I probably

I kept my fears in check and I probably would not have done anything if I hadn’t

would not have done anything if I hadn’t

would not have done anything if I hadn’t realized how this was affecting others

realized how this was affecting others

realized how this was affecting others around me I was spreading the fear I

realized that everything I had done to

realized that everything I had done to this point all the work I had done

this point all the work I had done

this point all the work I had done believing in the fierceness of other

believing in the fierceness of other

believing in the fierceness of other women was not enough I had to believe in

women was not enough I had to believe in

women was not enough I had to believe in my own fears and do this without fear

my own fears and do this without fear

my own fears and do this without fear and so I did because I remembered all

and so I did because I remembered all

and so I did because I remembered all the women that have aspired me and I

the women that have aspired me and I

the women that have aspired me and I knew that that’s what they had done they

knew that that’s what they had done they

knew that that’s what they had done they had held onto their hope they believed

had held onto their hope they believed

had held onto their hope they believed in themselves and they gave themselves

in themselves and they gave themselves

in themselves and they gave themselves an opportunity and there were two things

an opportunity and there were two things

an opportunity and there were two things that helped me to take this opportunity

that helped me to take this opportunity

that helped me to take this opportunity firstly I really thought about how I

firstly I really thought about how I

firstly I really thought about how I would feel if I didn’t speak up how I

would feel if I didn’t speak up how I

would feel if I didn’t speak up how I would feel about being complicit in a

would feel about being complicit in a

would feel about being complicit in a growing culture of fear really

growing culture of fear really

growing culture of fear really visualizing the price for not speaking

visualizing the price for not speaking

visualizing the price for not speaking up make my fear smaller and made in

up make my fear smaller and made in

up make my fear smaller and made in action not an option secondly at that

action not an option secondly at that

action not an option secondly at that time I was reading a book by Don Miguel

time I was reading a book by Don Miguel

time I was reading a book by Don Miguel Ruiz called The Four Agreements you know

Ruiz called The Four Agreements you know

Ruiz called The Four Agreements you know when you read the right book at the

when you read the right book at the

when you read the right book at the right time this was it for me I mean one

right time this was it for me I mean one

right time this was it for me I mean one of the agreements that he talks about is

of the agreements that he talks about is

of the agreements that he talks about is called be impeccable with your word be

called be impeccable with your word be

called be impeccable with your word be impeccable with your word he says that

impeccable with your word he says that

impeccable with your word he says that the way you talk to yourself really

the way you talk to yourself really

the way you talk to yourself really matters that was ground breaking for me

matters that was ground breaking for me

matters that was ground breaking for me I stopped and I started to listen to

I stopped and I started to listen to

I stopped and I started to listen to myself it was terrifying I was hearing

myself it was terrifying I was hearing

myself it was terrifying I was hearing that I was blaming myself for the

that I was blaming myself for the

that I was blaming myself for the situation that I was in and I also heard

situation that I was in and I also heard

situation that I was in and I also heard that I was talking to myself in a way

that I was talking to myself in a way

that I was talking to myself in a way that I would never talk to anyone else

that I would never talk to anyone else

that I would never talk to anyone else on my worst enemy so I knew that I had

on my worst enemy so I knew that I had

on my worst enemy so I knew that I had to change that voice and now I know that

to change that voice and now I know that

to change that voice and now I know that you can change that was you can train

you can change that was you can train

you can change that was you can train kindness to yourself like you train a

kindness to yourself like you train a

kindness to yourself like you train a muscle

muscle

muscle and it starts with that voice and that

and it starts with that voice and that

and it starts with that voice and that worked for me for that moment I did not

worked for me for that moment I did not

worked for me for that moment I did not feel that I was too loud too difficult

feel that I was too loud too difficult

feel that I was too loud too difficult or too much I spoke up and the bullying

or too much I spoke up and the bullying

or too much I spoke up and the bullying stopped when we free ourselves from

stopped when we free ourselves from

stopped when we free ourselves from fears and we allow ourselves to be

fears and we allow ourselves to be

fears and we allow ourselves to be fierce that determines the ripples of

fierce that determines the ripples of

fierce that determines the ripples of our impact in the world I know it seems

our impact in the world I know it seems

our impact in the world I know it seems so obvious now telling my story in this

so obvious now telling my story in this

so obvious now telling my story in this way but it’s not when you’re in the

way but it’s not when you’re in the

way but it’s not when you’re in the middle of this messy journey and you’re

middle of this messy journey and you’re

middle of this messy journey and you’re angry and fearful and you wonder there’s

angry and fearful and you wonder there’s

angry and fearful and you wonder there’s someone else who needs to be responsible

someone else who needs to be responsible

someone else who needs to be responsible someone else who needs to fix this it’s

someone else who needs to fix this it’s

someone else who needs to fix this it’s really hard to realize that there is no

really hard to realize that there is no

really hard to realize that there is no one else but you you are going to have

one else but you you are going to have

one else but you you are going to have to fix it that’s it and it has nothing

to fix it that’s it and it has nothing

to fix it that’s it and it has nothing to do with your money your job title or

to do with your money your job title or

to do with your money your job title or your status the power and responsibility

your status the power and responsibility

your status the power and responsibility is within you and it has been there all

is within you and it has been there all

is within you and it has been there all along

along

along that is what Fatima Gertrude and Abba

that is what Fatima Gertrude and Abba

that is what Fatima Gertrude and Abba rush have taught me that when you take

rush have taught me that when you take

rush have taught me that when you take your life into your own hands

your life into your own hands

your life into your own hands that the ripples the change that you

that the ripples the change that you

that the ripples the change that you create is phenomenal and it ripples

create is phenomenal and it ripples

create is phenomenal and it ripples across communities and countries and it

across communities and countries and it

across communities and countries and it is not that you are changing the world

is not that you are changing the world

is not that you are changing the world for others it is that you are inspiring

for others it is that you are inspiring

for others it is that you are inspiring others to change their worlds in turn so

others to change their worlds in turn so

others to change their worlds in turn so I always remember that wherever we have

I always remember that wherever we have

I always remember that wherever we have hope there is the potential to turn

hope there is the potential to turn

hope there is the potential to turn fears to fierce thank you