Eye Movement May Be Able To Heal Our Traumas | Tricia Walsh | TEDxUCDavisSF

[Music]

[Music] hello my name is Trisha and I am an

hello my name is Trisha and I am an

hello my name is Trisha and I am an adult child of an alcoholic when I

adult child of an alcoholic when I

adult child of an alcoholic when I recall my childhood I can remember that

recall my childhood I can remember that

recall my childhood I can remember that my father loved me very deeply and he

my father loved me very deeply and he

my father loved me very deeply and he would do anything for our family however

would do anything for our family however

would do anything for our family however he suffered from major depression and

he suffered from major depression and

he suffered from major depression and childhood trauma he was an immigrant who

childhood trauma he was an immigrant who

childhood trauma he was an immigrant who was financially struggling to support

was financially struggling to support

was financially struggling to support our family and he was in pursuit of the

our family and he was in pursuit of the

our family and he was in pursuit of the American dream he often felt that he was

American dream he often felt that he was

American dream he often felt that he was failing and as a result he would drink

failing and as a result he would drink

failing and as a result he would drink heavily and when he did he would be

heavily and when he did he would be

heavily and when he did he would be emotionally abusive to my mother and to

emotionally abusive to my mother and to

emotionally abusive to my mother and to me at home I would feel scared and

me at home I would feel scared and

me at home I would feel scared and unsafe I so desperately wanted my father

unsafe I so desperately wanted my father

unsafe I so desperately wanted my father to be happy again and I couldn’t fix

to be happy again and I couldn’t fix

to be happy again and I couldn’t fix this and this pain would be so deep

this and this pain would be so deep

this and this pain would be so deep within me that I would hide within

within me that I would hide within

within me that I would hide within myself and I would escape in my books my

myself and I would escape in my books my

myself and I would escape in my books my academics and my theater arts in hopes

academics and my theater arts in hopes

academics and my theater arts in hopes that I would find safety there my

that I would find safety there my

that I would find safety there my greatest fear in school as if kids

greatest fear in school as if kids

greatest fear in school as if kids really knew what was happening at home

really knew what was happening at home

really knew what was happening at home what they still liked me and this would

what they still liked me and this would

what they still liked me and this would lead me into a never-ending negative

lead me into a never-ending negative

lead me into a never-ending negative thinking loop that would sound a lot

thinking loop that would sound a lot

thinking loop that would sound a lot like this there’s something wrong with

like this there’s something wrong with

like this there’s something wrong with me I’m not good enough and I’m not safe

me I’m not good enough and I’m not safe

me I’m not good enough and I’m not safe these beliefs would affect me for the

these beliefs would affect me for the

these beliefs would affect me for the rest of my life even into my adulthood

rest of my life even into my adulthood

rest of my life even into my adulthood see my conclusion was how can I make

see my conclusion was how can I make

see my conclusion was how can I make meaningful relationships with others if

meaningful relationships with others if

meaningful relationships with others if I can’t even connect to my whole self so

I can’t even connect to my whole self so

I can’t even connect to my whole self so it was around this time I decided to

it was around this time I decided to

it was around this time I decided to begin my own therapy sessions it was in

begin my own therapy sessions it was in

begin my own therapy sessions it was in actually my early 20s my therapist and I

actually my early 20s my therapist and I

actually my early 20s my therapist and I began work on my childhood traumas we

began work on my childhood traumas we

began work on my childhood traumas we made great accomplishments together but

made great accomplishments together but

made great accomplishments together but I continued to feel shame for what

I continued to feel shame for what

I continued to feel shame for what happened in the past it was around this

happened in the past it was around this

happened in the past it was around this time I was preparing for my oral

time I was preparing for my oral

time I was preparing for my oral examination

examination

examination which is required obtaining my master’s

which is required obtaining my master’s

which is required obtaining my master’s degree in graduate school I was

degree in graduate school I was

degree in graduate school I was experiencing some of the worst anxiety

experiencing some of the worst anxiety

experiencing some of the worst anxiety had ever felt my entire life I couldn’t

had ever felt my entire life I couldn’t

had ever felt my entire life I couldn’t take it anymore

take it anymore

take it anymore and I asked her there’s got to be

and I asked her there’s got to be

and I asked her there’s got to be another way and then she recommended a

another way and then she recommended a

another way and then she recommended a new therapy EMDR eye movement

new therapy EMDR eye movement

new therapy EMDR eye movement desensitization reprocessing I’ve never

desensitization reprocessing I’ve never

desensitization reprocessing I’ve never heard of this before but I was willing

heard of this before but I was willing

heard of this before but I was willing to try anything within four EMDR

to try anything within four EMDR

to try anything within four EMDR sessions my anxiety was disappearing I

sessions my anxiety was disappearing I

sessions my anxiety was disappearing I was experiencing powerful insights that

was experiencing powerful insights that

was experiencing powerful insights that I never experienced before in previous

I never experienced before in previous

I never experienced before in previous sessions and I was healing rapidly have

sessions and I was healing rapidly have

sessions and I was healing rapidly have you ever seen something so beautiful

you ever seen something so beautiful

you ever seen something so beautiful that it left you speechless that’s how I

that it left you speechless that’s how I

that it left you speechless that’s how I felt about EMDR I wanted to know

felt about EMDR I wanted to know

felt about EMDR I wanted to know everything about it where it came from

everything about it where it came from

everything about it where it came from how it came to exist and how could I

how it came to exist and how could I

how it came to exist and how could I begin to use this in my own therapy

begin to use this in my own therapy

begin to use this in my own therapy sessions with my clients see eyes

sessions with my clients see eyes

sessions with my clients see eyes consider this knowledge a gift that I

consider this knowledge a gift that I

consider this knowledge a gift that I want to continue to pay forward and I’m

want to continue to pay forward and I’m

want to continue to pay forward and I’m compelled today to share with you my own

compelled today to share with you my own

compelled today to share with you my own personal story of how EMDR has allowed

personal story of how EMDR has allowed

personal story of how EMDR has allowed me to heal from my own childhood traumas

me to heal from my own childhood traumas

me to heal from my own childhood traumas but before I do this I would like to

but before I do this I would like to

but before I do this I would like to talk with you about EMDR and how it came

talk with you about EMDR and how it came

talk with you about EMDR and how it came to exist in 1987 dr. Francine Shapiro

to exist in 1987 dr. Francine Shapiro

to exist in 1987 dr. Francine Shapiro discovered EMDR during a time that she

discovered EMDR during a time that she

discovered EMDR during a time that she was battling cancer she was on a walk

was battling cancer she was on a walk

was battling cancer she was on a walk and she observed that her disturbing

and she observed that her disturbing

and she observed that her disturbing thoughts were disappearing she had not

thoughts were disappearing she had not

thoughts were disappearing she had not done this deliberately at the moment of

done this deliberately at the moment of

done this deliberately at the moment of reflection she realised her eyes were

reflection she realised her eyes were

reflection she realised her eyes were rapidly moving so she came up with a

rapidly moving so she came up with a

rapidly moving so she came up with a theory bilateral movement

theory bilateral movement

theory bilateral movement eyes moving from left to right would

eyes moving from left to right would

eyes moving from left to right would allow for disturbing memories to be seen

allow for disturbing memories to be seen

allow for disturbing memories to be seen and new and less too stressful ways now

and new and less too stressful ways now

and new and less too stressful ways now research studies are currently showing

research studies are currently showing

research studies are currently showing that eye movement and EMDR resembles the

that eye movement and EMDR resembles the

that eye movement and EMDR resembles the same process as REM sleep

same process as REM sleep

same process as REM sleep rapid eye move

rapid eye move

rapid eye move REM occurs in the same stage of sleep as

REM occurs in the same stage of sleep as

REM occurs in the same stage of sleep as dreaming and although the exact

dreaming and although the exact

dreaming and although the exact mechanisms are not well understood at

mechanisms are not well understood at

mechanisms are not well understood at this time scientists believe that this

this time scientists believe that this

this time scientists believe that this is where the brain can store memories

is where the brain can store memories

is where the brain can store memories interpret lessons balance moods and

interpret lessons balance moods and

interpret lessons balance moods and coincidentally it can process survival

coincidentally it can process survival

coincidentally it can process survival information that typically comes from

information that typically comes from

information that typically comes from traumatic experiences but unlike REM the

traumatic experiences but unlike REM the

traumatic experiences but unlike REM the mind is completely awake during EMDR

mind is completely awake during EMDR

mind is completely awake during EMDR therapy which allows for clients to be

therapy which allows for clients to be

therapy which allows for clients to be able to process and access complexities

able to process and access complexities

able to process and access complexities of their traumas so now that you know

of their traumas so now that you know

of their traumas so now that you know what EMDR is I’d like to talk with you

what EMDR is I’d like to talk with you

what EMDR is I’d like to talk with you about my own very personal experience of

about my own very personal experience of

about my own very personal experience of what it was like to go through an AMD

what it was like to go through an AMD

what it was like to go through an AMD recession so you may be wondering why I

recession so you may be wondering why I

recession so you may be wondering why I have this backpack right it’s a simple

have this backpack right it’s a simple

have this backpack right it’s a simple backpack one that we see all the time

backpack one that we see all the time

backpack one that we see all the time it’s very easy to dismiss but this

it’s very easy to dismiss but this

it’s very easy to dismiss but this backpack was one of the very first vivid

backpack was one of the very first vivid

backpack was one of the very first vivid images that I saw on the first time that

images that I saw on the first time that

images that I saw on the first time that I had my EMDR session my therapist asked

I had my EMDR session my therapist asked

I had my EMDR session my therapist asked me to recall my worst performance

me to recall my worst performance

me to recall my worst performance anxiety with the use of bilateral

anxiety with the use of bilateral

anxiety with the use of bilateral movement and just like a flashback I was

movement and just like a flashback I was

movement and just like a flashback I was a sophomore in high school not to give

a sophomore in high school not to give

a sophomore in high school not to give my final monologue on stage and I was in

my final monologue on stage and I was in

my final monologue on stage and I was in front of my drama class I was excited

front of my drama class I was excited

front of my drama class I was excited expecting support delivering my lines

expecting support delivering my lines

expecting support delivering my lines and then I was interrupted by the sounds

and then I was interrupted by the sounds

and then I was interrupted by the sounds of whispering laughter and snickering I

of whispering laughter and snickering I

of whispering laughter and snickering I felt horrified that day I told myself I

felt horrified that day I told myself I

felt horrified that day I told myself I would never go back on stage again

because it proved exactly what I thought

because it proved exactly what I thought was true about myself is I wasn’t good

was true about myself is I wasn’t good

was true about myself is I wasn’t good enough there was something wrong with me

enough there was something wrong with me

enough there was something wrong with me it would also be a reminder that I

it would also be a reminder that I

it would also be a reminder that I didn’t feel safe and I didn’t feel

didn’t feel safe and I didn’t feel

didn’t feel safe and I didn’t feel protected by my teacher in the same way

protected by my teacher in the same way

protected by my teacher in the same way a I felt towards my father at home and

a I felt towards my father at home and

a I felt towards my father at home and then it would hit me all at once this

then it would hit me all at once this

then it would hit me all at once this backpack was symbolic of lost childhood

backpack was symbolic of lost childhood

backpack was symbolic of lost childhood innocence I felt like I lost the theatre

innocence I felt like I lost the theatre

innocence I felt like I lost the theatre arts that day the same way I felt like I

arts that day the same way I felt like I

arts that day the same way I felt like I lost my dad to alcohol and I felt no

lost my dad to alcohol and I felt no

lost my dad to alcohol and I felt no longer that shame of I was just a kid

longer that shame of I was just a kid

longer that shame of I was just a kid I was trying to fit in and belong in

I was trying to fit in and belong in

I was trying to fit in and belong in school just like it wasn’t my fault

school just like it wasn’t my fault

school just like it wasn’t my fault that my dad was an alcoholic and this

that my dad was an alcoholic and this

that my dad was an alcoholic and this would be a powerful insight that would

would be a powerful insight that would

would be a powerful insight that would be life-changing for me to recognize

be life-changing for me to recognize

be life-changing for me to recognize this is finally I was able to confront

this is finally I was able to confront

this is finally I was able to confront my negative thinking loop it was a

my negative thinking loop it was a

my negative thinking loop it was a visceral experience so you can imagine

visceral experience so you can imagine

visceral experience so you can imagine after experiencing my EMDR session I was

after experiencing my EMDR session I was

after experiencing my EMDR session I was convinced I wanted to use this with my

convinced I wanted to use this with my

convinced I wanted to use this with my own clients and so I began to be trained

own clients and so I began to be trained

own clients and so I began to be trained and certified and EMDR I used it in my

and certified and EMDR I used it in my

and certified and EMDR I used it in my private practice and my clients would

private practice and my clients would

private practice and my clients would experience great healing as a result of

experience great healing as a result of

experience great healing as a result of this this therapy but I began to observe

this this therapy but I began to observe

this this therapy but I began to observe a clear pattern that was occurring my

a clear pattern that was occurring my

a clear pattern that was occurring my clients would consistently come in and

clients would consistently come in and

clients would consistently come in and deny that they had any traumas they

deny that they had any traumas they

deny that they had any traumas they needed to work on when in fact they

needed to work on when in fact they

needed to work on when in fact they always did

always did

always did so why you have come up with my own

so why you have come up with my own

so why you have come up with my own theory and that is we will all

theory and that is we will all

theory and that is we will all experience a trauma at some point in our

experience a trauma at some point in our

experience a trauma at some point in our lifetime the American Psychological

lifetime the American Psychological

lifetime the American Psychological Association defines trauma as an

Association defines trauma as an

Association defines trauma as an emotional response to a terrible event a

emotional response to a terrible event a

emotional response to a terrible event a terrible event can be a life-threatening

terrible event can be a life-threatening

terrible event can be a life-threatening moment such as combat an accident or

moment such as combat an accident or

moment such as combat an accident or rape as well as a loss of a loved one a

rape as well as a loss of a loved one a

rape as well as a loss of a loved one a loss of a job or even a significant

loss of a job or even a significant

loss of a job or even a significant breakup and from a physiological

breakup and from a physiological

breakup and from a physiological standpoint we look at trauma our bodies

standpoint we look at trauma our bodies

standpoint we look at trauma our bodies will automatically go into fight flight

will automatically go into fight flight

will automatically go into fight flight faint and freeze mode and our brains

faint and freeze mode and our brains

faint and freeze mode and our brains will then memorize every aspect of the

will then memorize every aspect of the

will then memorize every aspect of the perceived trauma taking in those five

perceived trauma taking in those five

perceived trauma taking in those five senses to protect us from having to ever

senses to protect us from having to ever

senses to protect us from having to ever experience that perceived danger ever

experience that perceived danger ever

experience that perceived danger ever again and when you think about it that’s

again and when you think about it that’s

again and when you think about it that’s exactly what happened to me in my body

exactly what happened to me in my body

exactly what happened to me in my body my body and my brain I was going into

my body and my brain I was going into

my body and my brain I was going into this never-ending negative thinking loop

this never-ending negative thinking loop

this never-ending negative thinking loop the only difference this time was

the only difference this time was

the only difference this time was bilateral movement was being introduced

bilateral movement was being introduced

bilateral movement was being introduced that helped me to finally gain control

that helped me to finally gain control

that helped me to finally gain control of my entire nervous system so my

of my entire nervous system so my

of my entire nervous system so my childhood traumas have caused me to

childhood traumas have caused me to

childhood traumas have caused me to disconnect from my whole self making it

disconnect from my whole self making it

disconnect from my whole self making it difficult for me to have meaningful

difficult for me to have meaningful

difficult for me to have meaningful relationships with others in my first

relationships with others in my first

relationships with others in my first EMDR session I discovered that my body

EMDR session I discovered that my body

EMDR session I discovered that my body my brain and my eyes could heal me I was

my brain and my eyes could heal me I was

my brain and my eyes could heal me I was healing me and if this was possible this

healing me and if this was possible this

healing me and if this was possible this proved that in fact there was nothing

proved that in fact there was nothing

proved that in fact there was nothing wrong with me that I could heal myself

wrong with me that I could heal myself

wrong with me that I could heal myself and this was significant to realize that

and this was significant to realize that

and this was significant to realize that there was in fact not only nothing wrong

there was in fact not only nothing wrong

there was in fact not only nothing wrong with me that it wasn’t my fault the same

with me that it wasn’t my fault the same

with me that it wasn’t my fault the same way that all children deserve to feel

way that all children deserve to feel

way that all children deserve to feel safe at home and at school I deserved

safe at home and at school I deserved

safe at home and at school I deserved that as well and in realizing this I

that as well and in realizing this I

that as well and in realizing this I would have genuine love and forgiveness

would have genuine love and forgiveness

would have genuine love and forgiveness for all parts of myself

for all parts of myself

for all parts of myself the traumatized self included so I leave

the traumatized self included so I leave

the traumatized self included so I leave you with these final thoughts I am an

you with these final thoughts I am an

you with these final thoughts I am an adult child of an alcoholic and I will

adult child of an alcoholic and I will

adult child of an alcoholic and I will no longer be defined by my past traumas

no longer be defined by my past traumas

no longer be defined by my past traumas I do believe that we will experience a

I do believe that we will experience a

I do believe that we will experience a trauma at some point in our lifetime but

trauma at some point in our lifetime but

trauma at some point in our lifetime but I also believe that we have the

I also believe that we have the

I also believe that we have the capability of incredible tremendous

capability of incredible tremendous

capability of incredible tremendous healing I’ve seen it with my very own

healing I’ve seen it with my very own

healing I’ve seen it with my very own eyes as a client and as a therapist and

eyes as a client and as a therapist and

eyes as a client and as a therapist and so with that

so with that

so with that I asked each of you if we were all to

I asked each of you if we were all to

I asked each of you if we were all to choose to process our most traumatized

choose to process our most traumatized

choose to process our most traumatized memories and instead found our most kind

memories and instead found our most kind

memories and instead found our most kind and compassionate selves I wonder what

and compassionate selves I wonder what

and compassionate selves I wonder what you would see I also wonder how

you would see I also wonder how

you would see I also wonder how different our world might be thank you

different our world might be thank you

different our world might be thank you so much

so much

so much [Applause]