in our society sexual assault is becoming an epidemic in North America
becoming an epidemic in North America
becoming an epidemic in North America one in four women will be sexually
one in four women will be sexually
one in four women will be sexually assaulted during their lifetime this
assaulted during their lifetime this
assaulted during their lifetime this statistic is even higher for women in
statistic is even higher for women in
statistic is even higher for women in university so how do we work to stop
university so how do we work to stop
university so how do we work to stop sexual assault
sexual assault
sexual assault where can we possibly begin many
where can we possibly begin many
where can we possibly begin many activists have begun this fight by
activists have begun this fight by
activists have begun this fight by focusing on the needs of survivors of
focusing on the needs of survivors of
focusing on the needs of survivors of sexual assault through what has been
sexual assault through what has been
sexual assault through what has been called a pro survivor approach to
called a pro survivor approach to
called a pro survivor approach to support this approach prioritizes the
support this approach prioritizes the
support this approach prioritizes the survivor and protects their rights by
survivor and protects their rights by
survivor and protects their rights by believing those who say they’ve been
believing those who say they’ve been
believing those who say they’ve been sexually assaulted and by providing them
sexually assaulted and by providing them
sexually assaulted and by providing them with the resources that they need to
with the resources that they need to
with the resources that they need to heal this approach defines sexual
heal this approach defines sexual
heal this approach defines sexual assault as any unwanted act of a sexual
assault as any unwanted act of a sexual
assault as any unwanted act of a sexual nature contrasting the more rigid legal
nature contrasting the more rigid legal
nature contrasting the more rigid legal definitions that can often be extremely
definitions that can often be extremely
definitions that can often be extremely narrow I believe that this approach is a
narrow I believe that this approach is a
narrow I believe that this approach is a powerful and necessary tool in
powerful and necessary tool in
powerful and necessary tool in supporting survivors however I also
supporting survivors however I also
supporting survivors however I also believe that to truly work towards
believe that to truly work towards
believe that to truly work towards ending sexual assault we must go further
ending sexual assault we must go further
ending sexual assault we must go further we must go further because Lowepro
we must go further because Lowepro
we must go further because Lowepro survivor approaches focus on the needs
survivor approaches focus on the needs
survivor approaches focus on the needs of survivors they are still a reactive
of survivors they are still a reactive
of survivors they are still a reactive response to sexual assault we need to
response to sexual assault we need to
response to sexual assault we need to intervene before assaults are happening
intervene before assaults are happening
intervene before assaults are happening so why doesn’t that happen I believe
so why doesn’t that happen I believe
so why doesn’t that happen I believe that the answer to this question lies in
that the answer to this question lies in
that the answer to this question lies in the ways that we speak about sexual
the ways that we speak about sexual
the ways that we speak about sexual assault and the misconceptions that we
assault and the misconceptions that we
assault and the misconceptions that we hold about what sexual assault looks
hold about what sexual assault looks
hold about what sexual assault looks like we as a society tell women to
like we as a society tell women to
like we as a society tell women to protect themselves from sexual assault
protect themselves from sexual assault
protect themselves from sexual assault by never walking home alone taking
by never walking home alone taking
by never walking home alone taking self-defense courses or even by keeping
self-defense courses or even by keeping
self-defense courses or even by keeping their car keys close to use as a
their car keys close to use as a
their car keys close to use as a potential weapon against attackers
potential weapon against attackers
potential weapon against attackers mantras like these suggest that the
mantras like these suggest that the
mantras like these suggest that the only perpetrators of sexual assault are
only perpetrators of sexual assault are
only perpetrators of sexual assault are evil
evil
evil faceless strangers lurking in dark
faceless strangers lurking in dark
faceless strangers lurking in dark alleys this view is pervasive inaccurate
alleys this view is pervasive inaccurate
alleys this view is pervasive inaccurate and extremely dangerous I know firsthand
and extremely dangerous I know firsthand
and extremely dangerous I know firsthand just how damaging this inaccurate
just how damaging this inaccurate
just how damaging this inaccurate perception of sexual assaults can be
perception of sexual assaults can be
perception of sexual assaults can be because I experienced the effects of it
because I experienced the effects of it
because I experienced the effects of it myself
myself
myself when I started University I followed all
when I started University I followed all
when I started University I followed all those rules that we tell young women to
those rules that we tell young women to
those rules that we tell young women to adhere to
adhere to
adhere to I took safe routes home I always walked
I took safe routes home I always walked
I took safe routes home I always walked in pairs and I never talked to strangers
in pairs and I never talked to strangers
in pairs and I never talked to strangers I believed as many people do that by
I believed as many people do that by
I believed as many people do that by adhering to these rules I would be able
adhering to these rules I would be able
adhering to these rules I would be able to protect myself from sexual assault it
to protect myself from sexual assault it
to protect myself from sexual assault it was also during this first year of
was also during this first year of
was also during this first year of university that I met John John worked
university that I met John John worked
university that I met John John worked as a dawn in the residence that I lived
as a dawn in the residence that I lived
as a dawn in the residence that I lived in his job as a dawn was essentially an
in his job as a dawn was essentially an
in his job as a dawn was essentially an older student who acted as a cross
older student who acted as a cross
older student who acted as a cross between a counselor and a community
between a counselor and a community
between a counselor and a community organizer for the students he and I had
organizer for the students he and I had
organizer for the students he and I had an extremely close relationship he was a
an extremely close relationship he was a
an extremely close relationship he was a friend to me
friend to me
friend to me he was a support system he helped me
he was a support system he helped me
he was a support system he helped me navigate the ups and downs of my first
navigate the ups and downs of my first
navigate the ups and downs of my first year of university away from home John
year of university away from home John
year of university away from home John had also undergone hours of training for
had also undergone hours of training for
had also undergone hours of training for his job he’d even helped facilitate
his job he’d even helped facilitate
his job he’d even helped facilitate mandatory workshops on the importance of
mandatory workshops on the importance of
mandatory workshops on the importance of consent in sexual relationships contrary
consent in sexual relationships contrary
consent in sexual relationships contrary to everything that I had ever been told
to everything that I had ever been told
to everything that I had ever been told despite taking all of the steps that I
despite taking all of the steps that I
despite taking all of the steps that I had thought would keep me safe I ended
had thought would keep me safe I ended
had thought would keep me safe I ended up being sexually assaulted twice in my
up being sexually assaulted twice in my
up being sexually assaulted twice in my first year of university not by a
first year of university not by a
first year of university not by a strange man lurking in the shadows of a
strange man lurking in the shadows of a
strange man lurking in the shadows of a deserted Street at night but by another
deserted Street at night but by another
deserted Street at night but by another first-year student and by John as I
first-year student and by John as I
first-year student and by John as I mentioned before John and I were close
mentioned before John and I were close
mentioned before John and I were close in retrospect we were probably too close
in retrospect we were probably too close
in retrospect we were probably too close much like the relationship between
much like the relationship between
much like the relationship between professors and students it is
professors and students it is
professors and students it is sidered extremely unethical for Don’s to
sidered extremely unethical for Don’s to
sidered extremely unethical for Don’s to have any sort of romantic relations with
have any sort of romantic relations with
have any sort of romantic relations with their students due to the power
their students due to the power
their students due to the power imbalance that exists between them I
imbalance that exists between them I
imbalance that exists between them I cared about John deeply but I never
cared about John deeply but I never
cared about John deeply but I never thought that anything would happen
thought that anything would happen
thought that anything would happen between us a few nights after my
between us a few nights after my
between us a few nights after my birthday John found me in the hallway of
birthday John found me in the hallway of
birthday John found me in the hallway of our residence building having a panic
our residence building having a panic
our residence building having a panic attack at the time I was experiencing
attack at the time I was experiencing
attack at the time I was experiencing severe anxiety and flashbacks
severe anxiety and flashbacks
severe anxiety and flashbacks due to the first sexual assault that had
due to the first sexual assault that had
due to the first sexual assault that had experienced a few months prior I hadn’t
experienced a few months prior I hadn’t
experienced a few months prior I hadn’t told anyone about that assault until now
told anyone about that assault until now
told anyone about that assault until now John took me back to his room and sat
John took me back to his room and sat
John took me back to his room and sat with me while I cried and told him
with me while I cried and told him
with me while I cried and told him everything about this assault how this
everything about this assault how this
everything about this assault how this first-year student who was blackout
first-year student who was blackout
first-year student who was blackout drunk had groped every inch of my body
drunk had groped every inch of my body
drunk had groped every inch of my body while I tried not to pass out from fear
while I tried not to pass out from fear
while I tried not to pass out from fear telling all of this to John for the
telling all of this to John for the
telling all of this to John for the first time was a weight off of my
first time was a weight off of my
first time was a weight off of my shoulders but in that moment everything
shoulders but in that moment everything
shoulders but in that moment everything changed when I finished telling John
changed when I finished telling John
changed when I finished telling John about the single most painful experience
about the single most painful experience
about the single most painful experience of my life he leaned in and he started
of my life he leaned in and he started
of my life he leaned in and he started to kiss me I could not move I felt so
to kiss me I could not move I felt so
to kiss me I could not move I felt so vulnerable and scared in this moment
vulnerable and scared in this moment
vulnerable and scared in this moment that I was petrified with fear his hands
that I was petrified with fear his hands
that I was petrified with fear his hands searched every crevice of my body and
searched every crevice of my body and
searched every crevice of my body and tore off my clothes without any
tore off my clothes without any
tore off my clothes without any hesitation I did not want this I had not
hesitation I did not want this I had not
hesitation I did not want this I had not asked for any of this then he had sex
asked for any of this then he had sex
asked for any of this then he had sex with me I felt like my body was being
with me I felt like my body was being
with me I felt like my body was being set on fire
set on fire
set on fire like he was tearing off my skin with his
like he was tearing off my skin with his
like he was tearing off my skin with his bare hands and fingernails the image of
bare hands and fingernails the image of
bare hands and fingernails the image of his face while he was inside of me is
his face while he was inside of me is
his face while he was inside of me is permanently burned into the back of my
permanently burned into the back of my
permanently burned into the back of my mind and when I close my eyes I can
mind and when I close my eyes I can
mind and when I close my eyes I can you’ll see it as clearly as if it
you’ll see it as clearly as if it
you’ll see it as clearly as if it happened yesterday four years after this
happened yesterday four years after this
happened yesterday four years after this night I had vivid nightmares reliving
night I had vivid nightmares reliving
night I had vivid nightmares reliving the assault
the assault
the assault I had debilitating flashbacks I’d have
I had debilitating flashbacks I’d have
I had debilitating flashbacks I’d have panic attacks triggered just from seeing
panic attacks triggered just from seeing
panic attacks triggered just from seeing someone on the street who resembled him
someone on the street who resembled him
someone on the street who resembled him I felt like everything that had happened
I felt like everything that had happened
I felt like everything that had happened to me was my fault
to me was my fault
to me was my fault I’d often lay awake at night wondering
I’d often lay awake at night wondering
I’d often lay awake at night wondering why instead of fight-or-flight my body
why instead of fight-or-flight my body
why instead of fight-or-flight my body chose to freeze it was easier for me to
chose to freeze it was easier for me to
chose to freeze it was easier for me to blame myself for the assault than to
blame myself for the assault than to
blame myself for the assault than to accept that someone so close to me had
accept that someone so close to me had
accept that someone so close to me had hurt me so deeply after suffering with
hurt me so deeply after suffering with
hurt me so deeply after suffering with these symptoms in silence I finally
these symptoms in silence I finally
these symptoms in silence I finally began to speak to friends about what had
began to speak to friends about what had
began to speak to friends about what had happened to me
happened to me
happened to me to my surprise many people reacted with
to my surprise many people reacted with
to my surprise many people reacted with shock and disbelief actual responses I
shock and disbelief actual responses I
shock and disbelief actual responses I heard after sharing my experiences
heard after sharing my experiences
heard after sharing my experiences included things like John but isn’t he a
included things like John but isn’t he a
included things like John but isn’t he a dawn and but he’s such a good guy and
dawn and but he’s such a good guy and
dawn and but he’s such a good guy and most disheartening didn’t you have a
most disheartening didn’t you have a
most disheartening didn’t you have a crush on him are you sure he raped you
crush on him are you sure he raped you
crush on him are you sure he raped you we hear these same kinds of responses
we hear these same kinds of responses
we hear these same kinds of responses replicated anytime someone famous is
replicated anytime someone famous is
replicated anytime someone famous is accused of sexual assault such as in the
accused of sexual assault such as in the
accused of sexual assault such as in the recent cases with Bill Cosby Jean
recent cases with Bill Cosby Jean
recent cases with Bill Cosby Jean Ghomeshi and multiple promising colored
Ghomeshi and multiple promising colored
Ghomeshi and multiple promising colored and professional athletes we don’t want
and professional athletes we don’t want
and professional athletes we don’t want to admit that someone we know let alone
to admit that someone we know let alone
to admit that someone we know let alone someone we love could be capable of
someone we love could be capable of
someone we love could be capable of sexual assault the reality is that they
sexual assault the reality is that they
sexual assault the reality is that they are 80% of sexual assault survivors know
are 80% of sexual assault survivors know
are 80% of sexual assault survivors know the person who sexually assaulted them
the person who sexually assaulted them
the person who sexually assaulted them yet we continually speak about sexual
yet we continually speak about sexual
yet we continually speak about sexual assault as if it is only perpetrated by
assault as if it is only perpetrated by
assault as if it is only perpetrated by strangers we don’t think of our loved
strangers we don’t think of our loved
strangers we don’t think of our loved ones or of ourselves as capable of
ones or of ourselves as capable of
ones or of ourselves as capable of assaulting someone and this is the most
assaulting someone and this is the most
assaulting someone and this is the most dangerous part of believing that
dangerous part of believing that
dangerous part of believing that misguided idea of what sexual assault
misguided idea of what sexual assault
misguided idea of what sexual assault looks like
looks like
looks like because when we think that sexual
because when we think that sexual
because when we think that sexual assaults are only perpetrated by
assaults are only perpetrated by
assaults are only perpetrated by strangers faceless others that good
strangers faceless others that good
strangers faceless others that good people cannot do bad things it takes the
people cannot do bad things it takes the
people cannot do bad things it takes the onus off of us to keep each other and
onus off of us to keep each other and
onus off of us to keep each other and ourselves accountable
ourselves accountable
ourselves accountable I stayed silent about the assault for
I stayed silent about the assault for
I stayed silent about the assault for almost a year after it happened due to
almost a year after it happened due to
almost a year after it happened due to the initial responses that I’d received
the initial responses that I’d received
the initial responses that I’d received having people close to me questioned the
having people close to me questioned the
having people close to me questioned the validity of my claims made me feel like
validity of my claims made me feel like
validity of my claims made me feel like I had to constantly defend myself
I had to constantly defend myself
I had to constantly defend myself looking back what I needed first and
looking back what I needed first and
looking back what I needed first and foremost was support I needed to be told
foremost was support I needed to be told
foremost was support I needed to be told it’s not your fault to be asked how can
it’s not your fault to be asked how can
it’s not your fault to be asked how can I support you and most of all to be told
I support you and most of all to be told
I support you and most of all to be told I believe you in the end
I believe you in the end
I believe you in the end staff members in our residence has heard
staff members in our residence has heard
staff members in our residence has heard about the incident and John was asked to
about the incident and John was asked to
about the incident and John was asked to leave his job and move out of the
leave his job and move out of the
leave his job and move out of the building early not because of the sexual
building early not because of the sexual
building early not because of the sexual assault but because of inappropriate
assault but because of inappropriate
assault but because of inappropriate contact with a student there was no
contact with a student there was no
contact with a student there was no formal disciplinary action taken through
formal disciplinary action taken through
formal disciplinary action taken through the Dean of Students and apart from
the Dean of Students and apart from
the Dean of Students and apart from having to leave the building a few days
having to leave the building a few days
having to leave the building a few days early John saw no real consequences for
early John saw no real consequences for
early John saw no real consequences for his actions what concerned me the most
his actions what concerned me the most
his actions what concerned me the most about this situation was not the lack of
about this situation was not the lack of
about this situation was not the lack of punishment for him but was the absence
punishment for him but was the absence
punishment for him but was the absence of any learning on his part no one ever
of any learning on his part no one ever
of any learning on his part no one ever had a conversation with John about why
had a conversation with John about why
had a conversation with John about why what happened between us was wrong I
what happened between us was wrong I
what happened between us was wrong I realized this when a month after the
realized this when a month after the
realized this when a month after the assault John sent me a message over
assault John sent me a message over
assault John sent me a message over Facebook in the message he refers to the
Facebook in the message he refers to the
Facebook in the message he refers to the assault as that last bit of drama at the
assault as that last bit of drama at the
assault as that last bit of drama at the end of the year that’s when it hit me
end of the year that’s when it hit me
end of the year that’s when it hit me so John knew that he’d been fired for
so John knew that he’d been fired for
so John knew that he’d been fired for having sex with me he did not think that
having sex with me he did not think that
having sex with me he did not think that he’d sexually assaulted me why didn’t
he’d sexually assaulted me why didn’t
he’d sexually assaulted me why didn’t anyone speak to him about his actions
anyone speak to him about his actions
anyone speak to him about his actions does his friends stay silent for fear of
does his friends stay silent for fear of
does his friends stay silent for fear of jeopardizing their friendship having
jeopardizing their friendship having
jeopardizing their friendship having conversations with friends and loved
conversations with friends and loved
conversations with friends and loved ones about their actions does not have
ones about their actions does not have
ones about their actions does not have to mean the end of a relationship what
to mean the end of a relationship what
to mean the end of a relationship what it means is having a conversation about
it means is having a conversation about
it means is having a conversation about accountability that can stop future
accountability that can stop future
accountability that can stop future assaults from happening maybe people
assaults from happening maybe people
assaults from happening maybe people chose not to confront him for fear that
chose not to confront him for fear that
chose not to confront him for fear that he’d been falsely accused conversations
he’d been falsely accused conversations
he’d been falsely accused conversations surrounding sexual assault inevitably
surrounding sexual assault inevitably
surrounding sexual assault inevitably contain a fear of false accusations the
contain a fear of false accusations the
contain a fear of false accusations the idea that people make false sexual
idea that people make false sexual
idea that people make false sexual assault claims in order to gain
assault claims in order to gain
assault claims in order to gain attention or seek revenge this fear is
attention or seek revenge this fear is
attention or seek revenge this fear is unfounded the reality of coming forward
unfounded the reality of coming forward
unfounded the reality of coming forward as a survivor of sexual assaults means
as a survivor of sexual assaults means
as a survivor of sexual assaults means having your experiences trivialized and
having your experiences trivialized and
having your experiences trivialized and disbelieved at every turn facing
disbelieved at every turn facing
disbelieved at every turn facing retraumatization from having to tell
retraumatization from having to tell
retraumatization from having to tell your story over and over again and if
your story over and over again and if
your story over and over again and if you decide to report your assault to the
you decide to report your assault to the
you decide to report your assault to the police going up against a broken justice
police going up against a broken justice
police going up against a broken justice system that is ill-equipped to deal with
system that is ill-equipped to deal with
system that is ill-equipped to deal with sexual assault cases there is nothing to
sexual assault cases there is nothing to
sexual assault cases there is nothing to gain from a false accusation we have two
gain from a false accusation we have two
gain from a false accusation we have two options in these situations when someone
options in these situations when someone
options in these situations when someone we know is accused of sexual assault if
we know is accused of sexual assault if
we know is accused of sexual assault if we decide to have a conversation with
we decide to have a conversation with
we decide to have a conversation with someone and it turns out that they did
someone and it turns out that they did
someone and it turns out that they did not in fact sexually assault someone
not in fact sexually assault someone
not in fact sexually assault someone then the worst possible outcome is some
then the worst possible outcome is some
then the worst possible outcome is some awkwardness but we’re still having a
awkwardness but we’re still having a
awkwardness but we’re still having a conversation
conversation
conversation we are still planting a seed this person
we are still planting a seed this person
we are still planting a seed this person will now be more aware of their actions
will now be more aware of their actions
will now be more aware of their actions even if they did not sexually assault
even if they did not sexually assault
even if they did not sexually assault someone but if they did that
someone but if they did that
someone but if they did that conversation may be able to prevent
conversation may be able to prevent
conversation may be able to prevent future assaults from happening the flip
future assaults from happening the flip
future assaults from happening the flip side of this is of course that if we do
side of this is of course that if we do
side of this is of course that if we do not have this conversation out of fear
not have this conversation out of fear
not have this conversation out of fear of a possible false accusation and this
of a possible false accusation and this
of a possible false accusation and this person did sexually assault someone they
person did sexually assault someone they
person did sexually assault someone they may go on to sexually assault someone
may go on to sexually assault someone
may go on to sexually assault someone again
again
again in my own experience many of John’s
in my own experience many of John’s
in my own experience many of John’s friends seem to take the fear-based
friends seem to take the fear-based
friends seem to take the fear-based approach in response to the assault
approach in response to the assault
approach in response to the assault I had just survived the most traumatic
I had just survived the most traumatic
I had just survived the most traumatic experience of my life and in addition to
experience of my life and in addition to
experience of my life and in addition to being blamed for my own assault I had to
being blamed for my own assault I had to
being blamed for my own assault I had to watch as people chose to stand by and
watch as people chose to stand by and
watch as people chose to stand by and act like nothing had happened and
act like nothing had happened and
act like nothing had happened and because of that John may sexually
because of that John may sexually
because of that John may sexually assault someone again but had society
assault someone again but had society
assault someone again but had society not portrayed perpetrators as monsters
not portrayed perpetrators as monsters
not portrayed perpetrators as monsters and dark alleys had John realized that
and dark alleys had John realized that
and dark alleys had John realized that these conversations about consent
these conversations about consent
these conversations about consent applied to him too had we’ve been
applied to him too had we’ve been
applied to him too had we’ve been talking about this earlier then he may
talking about this earlier then he may
talking about this earlier then he may have never sexually assaulted me in the
have never sexually assaulted me in the
have never sexually assaulted me in the first place this situation will not
first place this situation will not
first place this situation will not change overnight
change overnight
change overnight we still need more support for survivors
we still need more support for survivors
we still need more support for survivors in the current system but this is a way
in the current system but this is a way
in the current system but this is a way that we could start making change today
that we could start making change today
that we could start making change today I believe that once we understand that
I believe that once we understand that
I believe that once we understand that we are all capable of sexual assault we
we are all capable of sexual assault we
we are all capable of sexual assault we can start holding each other accountable
can start holding each other accountable
can start holding each other accountable by having conversations and continuing
by having conversations and continuing
by having conversations and continuing to raise awareness then we can move
to raise awareness then we can move
to raise awareness then we can move towards a society where sexual assault
towards a society where sexual assault
towards a society where sexual assault does not happen I want to live in a
does not happen I want to live in a
does not happen I want to live in a world where no one ever has to go
world where no one ever has to go
world where no one ever has to go through what I went through and I
through what I went through and I
through what I went through and I believe that we can start working
believe that we can start working
believe that we can start working towards that world together one
towards that world together one
towards that world together one conversation at a time thank you
”
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