and then in the art of actually the Japanese acting then can only be
Japanese acting then can only be
Japanese acting then can only be understood but one who is not tested to
understood but one who is not tested to
understood but one who is not tested to gain through underhand methods but the
gain through underhand methods but the
gain through underhand methods but the Mexico expands with holes for him in
Mexico expands with holes for him in
Mexico expands with holes for him in other words he tells the student that in
other words he tells the student that in
other words he tells the student that in order to defend dead one knows by not
order to defend dead one knows by not
order to defend dead one knows by not knowing it and this is exactly how I’ve
knowing it and this is exactly how I’ve
knowing it and this is exactly how I’ve been feeling in trying to convey my
been feeling in trying to convey my
been feeling in trying to convey my experience doing this try fellowship to
experience doing this try fellowship to
experience doing this try fellowship to others for the past seven month I’ve
others for the past seven month I’ve
others for the past seven month I’ve been trying to write about this
been trying to write about this
been trying to write about this experience but spoken and written words
experience but spoken and written words
experience but spoken and written words do not do it justice and the experience
do not do it justice and the experience
do not do it justice and the experience does not translate because I think so
does not translate because I think so
does not translate because I think so much of it has to be experienced the
much of it has to be experienced the
much of it has to be experienced the struggle of to happiness cannot be
struggle of to happiness cannot be
struggle of to happiness cannot be understood just by thinking alone and is
understood just by thinking alone and is
understood just by thinking alone and is in fact only understood when one
in fact only understood when one
in fact only understood when one attempts not to understand it so I would
attempts not to understand it so I would
attempts not to understand it so I would try again for the opportunity time and
try again for the opportunity time and
try again for the opportunity time and forgive me if it sounds very abstract so
forgive me if it sounds very abstract so
forgive me if it sounds very abstract so in the summer of 2016 my partner for the
in the summer of 2016 my partner for the
in the summer of 2016 my partner for the child fellowship Gloria and I spent
child fellowship Gloria and I spent
child fellowship Gloria and I spent eight weeks on Piazza Melville and put
eight weeks on Piazza Melville and put
eight weeks on Piazza Melville and put on me has two islands of the coast of
on me has two islands of the coast of
on me has two islands of the coast of North Sumatra where we dive into
North Sumatra where we dive into
North Sumatra where we dive into intellectual materials physical
intellectual materials physical
intellectual materials physical activities journaling yoga and
activities journaling yoga and
activities journaling yoga and meditation and our original idea we had
meditation and our original idea we had
meditation and our original idea we had been inspired by souls Walden but our
been inspired by souls Walden but our
been inspired by souls Walden but our reading spanned a timeline from ancient
reading spanned a timeline from ancient
reading spanned a timeline from ancient Greece China and India to the monastic
Greece China and India to the monastic
Greece China and India to the monastic traditions of of Europe and 12th century
traditions of of Europe and 12th century
traditions of of Europe and 12th century Islamic Spain and finally to modern
Islamic Spain and finally to modern
Islamic Spain and finally to modern thinkers like also ninja and
thinkers like also ninja and
thinkers like also ninja and Csikszentmihalyi if I had to put my koi
Csikszentmihalyi if I had to put my koi
Csikszentmihalyi if I had to put my koi have to sum up my whole experience in
have to sum up my whole experience in
have to sum up my whole experience in one word it would be incubator because
one word it would be incubator because
one word it would be incubator because it was really the time to spend on these
it was really the time to spend on these
it was really the time to spend on these eight weeks that we were grappling with
eight weeks that we were grappling with
eight weeks that we were grappling with what it means to be happy through
what it means to be happy through
what it means to be happy through reading sports and meditation as someone
reading sports and meditation as someone
reading sports and meditation as someone who is born and raised in Singapore I
who is born and raised in Singapore I
who is born and raised in Singapore I have never spent an extensive period of
have never spent an extensive period of
have never spent an extensive period of time abroad but what is unique about my
time abroad but what is unique about my
time abroad but what is unique about my connection with this country is that we
connection with this country is that we
connection with this country is that we both saw each other grow up at the same
both saw each other grow up at the same
both saw each other grow up at the same time just within the past 22 years
time just within the past 22 years
time just within the past 22 years seeing the Esplanade the Marina Bay
seeing the Esplanade the Marina Bay
seeing the Esplanade the Marina Bay Sands and the guns by the bay these
Sands and the guns by the bay these
Sands and the guns by the bay these buildings and landmarks that
buildings and landmarks that
buildings and landmarks that characterize singapore skyline spring
characterize singapore skyline spring
characterize singapore skyline spring from the ground as i did was really a
from the ground as i did was really a
from the ground as i did was really a privilege
privilege
privilege I know many people who can say that they
I know many people who can say that they
I know many people who can say that they grew up in a country but I don’t know
grew up in a country but I don’t know
grew up in a country but I don’t know many people who can say they grew up
many people who can say they grew up
many people who can say they grew up with one who ever said that a nation
with one who ever said that a nation
with one who ever said that a nation can’t be built in a lifetime has
can’t be built in a lifetime has
can’t be built in a lifetime has obviously never been to Singapore and so
obviously never been to Singapore and so
obviously never been to Singapore and so as this city matured so did I and the
as this city matured so did I and the
as this city matured so did I and the city therefore epitomizes familiarity
city therefore epitomizes familiarity
city therefore epitomizes familiarity comfort security all these grounding
comfort security all these grounding
comfort security all these grounding experiences that make home for many
experiences that make home for many
experiences that make home for many people but that wasn’t good enough for
people but that wasn’t good enough for
people but that wasn’t good enough for me
me
me I found a confounding that these things
I found a confounding that these things
I found a confounding that these things that people call home were exactly what
that people call home were exactly what
that people call home were exactly what repulsed me I wanted something more I
repulsed me I wanted something more I
repulsed me I wanted something more I wanted something that could push my
wanted something that could push my
wanted something that could push my experience something could help me see
experience something could help me see
experience something could help me see what I wasn’t able to before I wanted
what I wasn’t able to before I wanted
what I wasn’t able to before I wanted somewhere to go somewhere that was on
somewhere to go somewhere that was on
somewhere to go somewhere that was on the opposite of the tall spires of the
the opposite of the tall spires of the
the opposite of the tall spires of the CBD I wanted to be liberated from the
CBD I wanted to be liberated from the
CBD I wanted to be liberated from the stare metropolis in exchange for
stare metropolis in exchange for
stare metropolis in exchange for somewhere a little more low more raw and
somewhere a little more low more raw and
somewhere a little more low more raw and a little meth manufactured and so
a little meth manufactured and so
a little meth manufactured and so together with flora and we designed
together with flora and we designed
together with flora and we designed program and applied for the yellow and
program and applied for the yellow and
program and applied for the yellow and us travel fellowship and we chose to be
us travel fellowship and we chose to be
us travel fellowship and we chose to be in isolation and away from urban
in isolation and away from urban
in isolation and away from urban environments because we were driven by
environments because we were driven by
environments because we were driven by the seeming paradox that Singapore a
the seeming paradox that Singapore a
the seeming paradox that Singapore a city with the highest number of
city with the highest number of
city with the highest number of millionaires per capita where the sun is
millionaires per capita where the sun is
millionaires per capita where the sun is shining most days where we have clean
shining most days where we have clean
shining most days where we have clean fresh drinking water anytime we want
fresh drinking water anytime we want
fresh drinking water anytime we want great infrastructure and even better
great infrastructure and even better
great infrastructure and even better leaders is also home to some of the most
leaders is also home to some of the most
leaders is also home to some of the most oppressed people
oppressed people
oppressed people something is a myth despite the clean
something is a myth despite the clean
something is a myth despite the clean green sunny first aid of Singapore there
green sunny first aid of Singapore there
green sunny first aid of Singapore there lurks something deeper and darker
lurks something deeper and darker
lurks something deeper and darker something that status money and
something that status money and
something that status money and accolades cannot buy and so using a
accolades cannot buy and so using a
accolades cannot buy and so using a practice that links Jesus to Gandhi
practice that links Jesus to Gandhi
practice that links Jesus to Gandhi Sufis to monastic mums epicures to
Sufis to monastic mums epicures to
Sufis to monastic mums epicures to shantideva
shantideva
shantideva we went on a quest to discover what it
we went on a quest to discover what it
we went on a quest to discover what it means to live deliberately in the 21st
means to live deliberately in the 21st
means to live deliberately in the 21st century and to see if we can ultimately
century and to see if we can ultimately
century and to see if we can ultimately answer the question what this happiness
answer the question what this happiness
answer the question what this happiness new for the modern men and women of
new for the modern men and women of
new for the modern men and women of course there were some readings on this
course there were some readings on this
course there were some readings on this trip that did not quite resonate with me
trip that did not quite resonate with me
trip that did not quite resonate with me for example Laos in the in chapter 46 of
for example Laos in the in chapter 46 of
for example Laos in the in chapter 46 of the total thing
the total thing
the total thing that therefore if you know that you have
that therefore if you know that you have
that therefore if you know that you have enough you will always been content but
enough you will always been content but
enough you will always been content but this can’t possibly be the case because
this can’t possibly be the case because
this can’t possibly be the case because I and I’m sure with many other people as
I and I’m sure with many other people as
I and I’m sure with many other people as well still feel a general sense of
well still feel a general sense of
well still feel a general sense of discontentment even though we had enough
discontentment even though we had enough
discontentment even though we had enough and sometimes in most cases more than
and sometimes in most cases more than
and sometimes in most cases more than enough yet the writings of some other
enough yet the writings of some other
enough yet the writings of some other authors became portals isn’t into a new
authors became portals isn’t into a new
authors became portals isn’t into a new depth of my lived experience wilderness
depth of my lived experience wilderness
depth of my lived experience wilderness writer please Emerson said in his book
writer please Emerson said in his book
writer please Emerson said in his book Snow Leopard the happiness is the
Snow Leopard the happiness is the
Snow Leopard the happiness is the courage to ascent what him and his words
courage to ascent what him and his words
courage to ascent what him and his words followed me to an open ocean on a cloudy
followed me to an open ocean on a cloudy
followed me to an open ocean on a cloudy June afternoon and became my very own
June afternoon and became my very own
June afternoon and became my very own interviewed or prelude into an incident
interviewed or prelude into an incident
interviewed or prelude into an incident that happened on Polonius so on the day
that happened on Polonius so on the day
that happened on Polonius so on the day we arrived in me ass it was a Wednesday
we arrived in me ass it was a Wednesday
we arrived in me ass it was a Wednesday afternoon
afternoon
afternoon I told Flo that I was going to swim
I told Flo that I was going to swim
I told Flo that I was going to swim across the bay if he would paddle on the
across the bay if he would paddle on the
across the bay if he would paddle on the longboard next to me now Lagoon Dube had
longboard next to me now Lagoon Dube had
longboard next to me now Lagoon Dube had a very captivating landscape it was
a very captivating landscape it was
a very captivating landscape it was shaped like a horseshoe and on the left
shaped like a horseshoe and on the left
shaped like a horseshoe and on the left side of the horseshoe he had sir rocky
side of the horseshoe he had sir rocky
side of the horseshoe he had sir rocky beach which is a conglomeration of
beach which is a conglomeration of
beach which is a conglomeration of concrete ends called lost men and was
concrete ends called lost men and was
concrete ends called lost men and was bustling with a traffic flow of surface
bustling with a traffic flow of surface
bustling with a traffic flow of surface street vendors dogs from the children
street vendors dogs from the children
street vendors dogs from the children from the villages dogs cats chickens
from the villages dogs cats chickens
from the villages dogs cats chickens tourists and locals that was where we
tourists and locals that was where we
tourists and locals that was where we stayed on the right side of the bay was
stayed on the right side of the bay was
stayed on the right side of the bay was a view that was the complete opposite to
a view that was the complete opposite to
a view that was the complete opposite to the hustle and bustle of Sorachi Beach
the hustle and bustle of Sorachi Beach
the hustle and bustle of Sorachi Beach it was pristine untouched forestry
it was pristine untouched forestry
it was pristine untouched forestry fringed by a secluded and uninhabited
fringed by a secluded and uninhabited
fringed by a secluded and uninhabited beach it was completely stall and there
beach it was completely stall and there
beach it was completely stall and there was no one there I always imagined these
was no one there I always imagined these
was no one there I always imagined these two sides to be the confrontation of
two sides to be the confrontation of
two sides to be the confrontation of mother nature and civilization and the
mother nature and civilization and the
mother nature and civilization and the bit in between was where they met and so
bit in between was where they met and so
bit in between was where they met and so one day despite grey clouds looming on
one day despite grey clouds looming on
one day despite grey clouds looming on the horizon
the horizon
the horizon I grabbed my open water swim boy goggles
I grabbed my open water swim boy goggles
I grabbed my open water swim boy goggles LeGrande and his limp longboard and
LeGrande and his limp longboard and
LeGrande and his limp longboard and attempt to travel to the other side of
attempt to travel to the other side of
attempt to travel to the other side of Bay and back before sunset according to
Bay and back before sunset according to
Bay and back before sunset according to google maps the straight-line distance
google maps the straight-line distance
google maps the straight-line distance is approximately 1.4 kilometers but just
is approximately 1.4 kilometers but just
is approximately 1.4 kilometers but just as we were about to reach the other side
as we were about to reach the other side
as we were about to reach the other side it started to rain and the rain can hold
it started to rain and the rain can hold
it started to rain and the rain can hold up for another five
up for another five
up for another five the water in which we were still
the water in which we were still
the water in which we were still swimming in started to take a different
swimming in started to take a different
swimming in started to take a different shape form and color furiously moving in
shape form and color furiously moving in
shape form and color furiously moving in all directions and disorienting whoever
all directions and disorienting whoever
all directions and disorienting whoever within it finally when we did get to the
within it finally when we did get to the
within it finally when we did get to the other side I was exasperated to find
other side I was exasperated to find
other side I was exasperated to find that a reef break welcomed us instead of
that a reef break welcomed us instead of
that a reef break welcomed us instead of a sandy bottom beach breakaway we could
a sandy bottom beach breakaway we could
a sandy bottom beach breakaway we could just walk straight on to shore that
just walk straight on to shore that
just walk straight on to shore that means that to actually get safely on the
means that to actually get safely on the
means that to actually get safely on the other side we would have to navigate a
other side we would have to navigate a
other side we would have to navigate a reef with crevices and ravines that
reef with crevices and ravines that
reef with crevices and ravines that threatened to sprain our ankles on top
threatened to sprain our ankles on top
threatened to sprain our ankles on top of that Flo was carrying a longboard
of that Flo was carrying a longboard
of that Flo was carrying a longboard twice his size and the one arm and with
twice his size and the one arm and with
twice his size and the one arm and with all the wind I was coming our way it
all the wind I was coming our way it
all the wind I was coming our way it threatened to Rock his every step he
threatened to Rock his every step he
threatened to Rock his every step he bothered with the promise of not
bothered with the promise of not
bothered with the promise of not breaking it and all of a sudden the
breaking it and all of a sudden the
breaking it and all of a sudden the beach removal that we worked so
beach removal that we worked so
beach removal that we worked so desperately trying to get to seems so
desperately trying to get to seems so
desperately trying to get to seems so much more idyllic from a distance
much more idyllic from a distance
much more idyllic from a distance battling the wind felt like we were in a
battling the wind felt like we were in a
battling the wind felt like we were in a hurricane and we had to shout over the
hurricane and we had to shout over the
hurricane and we had to shout over the howling wind to communicate with each
howling wind to communicate with each
howling wind to communicate with each other and the heavy patter of gigantic
other and the heavy patter of gigantic
other and the heavy patter of gigantic raindrops fell on Flo’s deep-set eyes
raindrops fell on Flo’s deep-set eyes
raindrops fell on Flo’s deep-set eyes and his fringe was billowing in the wind
and his fringe was billowing in the wind
and his fringe was billowing in the wind and suggested for me to walk to lead us
and suggested for me to walk to lead us
and suggested for me to walk to lead us to safety in the dense tree foliage way
to safety in the dense tree foliage way
to safety in the dense tree foliage way we will be protected from the torrential
we will be protected from the torrential
we will be protected from the torrential winds and cold after what seemed like an
winds and cold after what seemed like an
winds and cold after what seemed like an eternity of navigating the reef
eternity of navigating the reef
eternity of navigating the reef labyrinth we stumbled onto the beach our
labyrinth we stumbled onto the beach our
labyrinth we stumbled onto the beach our plan was to sit for 10 minutes and then
plan was to sit for 10 minutes and then
plan was to sit for 10 minutes and then come hell or high water we were to leave
come hell or high water we were to leave
come hell or high water we were to leave because we were in a race against time
because we were in a race against time
because we were in a race against time and darkness was not our friend so we
and darkness was not our friend so we
and darkness was not our friend so we sat there for 10 minutes and I would
sat there for 10 minutes and I would
sat there for 10 minutes and I would have stayed longer but Flo upon
have stayed longer but Flo upon
have stayed longer but Flo upon realizing that the risk of swimming in
realizing that the risk of swimming in
realizing that the risk of swimming in the jock was way too high she made the
the jock was way too high she made the
the jock was way too high she made the call to go back and so once again we
call to go back and so once again we
call to go back and so once again we made a cross we made our way across the
made a cross we made our way across the
made a cross we made our way across the hellish reefs to the edge where the
hellish reefs to the edge where the
hellish reefs to the edge where the water met the reef and just as I was
water met the reef and just as I was
water met the reef and just as I was about to jump in my hand reach two at
about to jump in my hand reach two at
about to jump in my hand reach two at the back of my swimsuit to feel for a
the back of my swimsuit to feel for a
the back of my swimsuit to feel for a piece of rubber and then it hit me
piece of rubber and then it hit me
piece of rubber and then it hit me I turned to Flo and I shouted above the
I turned to Flo and I shouted above the
I turned to Flo and I shouted above the roaring of the wind I said no I left my
roaring of the wind I said no I left my
roaring of the wind I said no I left my goggle of the beach
goggle of the beach
goggle of the beach I was so disappointed and unbeliev I
I was so disappointed and unbeliev I
I was so disappointed and unbeliev I couldn’t believe myself because the one
couldn’t believe myself because the one
couldn’t believe myself because the one thing which I needed to swim back
thing which I needed to swim back
thing which I needed to swim back I lost looking into the water I was
I lost looking into the water I was
I lost looking into the water I was petrified it was dark I couldn’t see it
petrified it was dark I couldn’t see it
petrified it was dark I couldn’t see it was completely black and so Flo said to
was completely black and so Flo said to
was completely black and so Flo said to me call me he said you just have to swim
me call me he said you just have to swim
me call me he said you just have to swim back without it I’ll paddle slowly on
back without it I’ll paddle slowly on
back without it I’ll paddle slowly on you next tune on the longboard and we’ll
you next tune on the longboard and we’ll
you next tune on the longboard and we’ll make it back and so I looked into the
make it back and so I looked into the
make it back and so I looked into the water and I could see just to the shadow
water and I could see just to the shadow
water and I could see just to the shadow of two rock boulders and an hour strip
of two rock boulders and an hour strip
of two rock boulders and an hour strip of water in between I was petrified but
of water in between I was petrified but
of water in between I was petrified but then I just jumped into the ravenous sea
then I just jumped into the ravenous sea
then I just jumped into the ravenous sea so eyes closed I decided to time every
so eyes closed I decided to time every
so eyes closed I decided to time every exhalation at the same time the waves
exhalation at the same time the waves
exhalation at the same time the waves brought me to the surface and so
brought me to the surface and so
brought me to the surface and so sometimes I would underestimate the
sometimes I would underestimate the
sometimes I would underestimate the waves and take a deep breath at its peak
waves and take a deep breath at its peak
waves and take a deep breath at its peak at its truck rather than at its peak
at its truck rather than at its peak
at its truck rather than at its peak thereby gulping down a huge breath of a
thereby gulping down a huge breath of a
thereby gulping down a huge breath of a huge mouth of salty water
huge mouth of salty water
huge mouth of salty water I stopped every once in a while to see a
I stopped every once in a while to see a
I stopped every once in a while to see a flow Estonia I’m panicking when I
flow Estonia I’m panicking when I
flow Estonia I’m panicking when I couldn’t no longer hear his voice but he
couldn’t no longer hear his voice but he
couldn’t no longer hear his voice but he was never far away he would periodically
was never far away he would periodically
was never far away he would periodically shout my name to make sure that I could
shout my name to make sure that I could
shout my name to make sure that I could share him and navigate myself with my
share him and navigate myself with my
share him and navigate myself with my eyes closed my ears were my only guide
eyes closed my ears were my only guide
eyes closed my ears were my only guide and I felt so naked I thought to myself
and I felt so naked I thought to myself
and I felt so naked I thought to myself at this point anything could have
at this point anything could have
at this point anything could have happened to me anything could happen to
happened to me anything could happen to
happened to me anything could happen to me and I would be unable to depend for
me and I would be unable to depend for
me and I would be unable to depend for myself my I’m for a moment for the
myself my I’m for a moment for the
myself my I’m for a moment for the shortest moment I was terrorized and I
shortest moment I was terrorized and I
shortest moment I was terrorized and I was so afraid that something would
was so afraid that something would
was so afraid that something would something dangerous would happen to slow
something dangerous would happen to slow
something dangerous would happen to slow or to me and we wouldn’t make it back to
or to me and we wouldn’t make it back to
or to me and we wouldn’t make it back to the other side but then I also realized
the other side but then I also realized
the other side but then I also realized that so long as none of it was actually
that so long as none of it was actually
that so long as none of it was actually happening to me it wasn’t so productive
happening to me it wasn’t so productive
happening to me it wasn’t so productive to think and imagine about all the
to think and imagine about all the
to think and imagine about all the possible scenarios of how we might die
possible scenarios of how we might die
possible scenarios of how we might die so I decided to turn the attention to my
so I decided to turn the attention to my
so I decided to turn the attention to my breath and to how my body was feeling in
breath and to how my body was feeling in
breath and to how my body was feeling in that moment how was i kicking how was i
that moment how was i kicking how was i
that moment how was i kicking how was i pulling how does my body feel how does
pulling how does my body feel how does
pulling how does my body feel how does the raw energy of mother nature feel
the raw energy of mother nature feel
the raw energy of mother nature feel does it make me feel dizzy and these
does it make me feel dizzy and these
does it make me feel dizzy and these questions help me to distract myself
questions help me to distract myself
questions help me to distract myself from my fears and then I decided to
from my fears and then I decided to
from my fears and then I decided to marvel at the absurdity
marvel at the absurdity
marvel at the absurdity crashing Thunder certain skies or
crashing Thunder certain skies or
crashing Thunder certain skies or patience ways and to meet human beings
patience ways and to meet human beings
patience ways and to meet human beings amidst the symphonious chaos of Mother
amidst the symphonious chaos of Mother
amidst the symphonious chaos of Mother Nature and I lost myself in the grips of
Nature and I lost myself in the grips of
Nature and I lost myself in the grips of time and just before we knew it we got
time and just before we knew it we got
time and just before we knew it we got back to sir rocky beach just Estus on
back to sir rocky beach just Estus on
back to sir rocky beach just Estus on headset I looked up into the sky and I
headset I looked up into the sky and I
headset I looked up into the sky and I was turning into a deep Velveteen
was turning into a deep Velveteen
was turning into a deep Velveteen midnight blue and I took my first few
midnight blue and I took my first few
midnight blue and I took my first few steps on that and turned back to see if
steps on that and turned back to see if
steps on that and turned back to see if the other side of the bay was still
the other side of the bay was still
the other side of the bay was still visible all I could see was nothing but
visible all I could see was nothing but
visible all I could see was nothing but darkness traversing across Lagoon rebei
darkness traversing across Lagoon rebei
darkness traversing across Lagoon rebei wasn’t just back in force of two
wasn’t just back in force of two
wasn’t just back in force of two destinations
destinations
destinations it was traversing the boundaries between
it was traversing the boundaries between
it was traversing the boundaries between my inner world and outer world into
my inner world and outer world into
my inner world and outer world into myself and into another dimension of my
myself and into another dimension of my
myself and into another dimension of my experience that I had never been to
experience that I had never been to
experience that I had never been to before I experienced in a Grundy Bay
before I experienced in a Grundy Bay
before I experienced in a Grundy Bay what I had only read about in
what I had only read about in
what I had only read about in csikszentmihalyi’s writings in his book
csikszentmihalyi’s writings in his book
csikszentmihalyi’s writings in his book flow the optimum experience to talk
flow the optimum experience to talk
flow the optimum experience to talk about he talked about how flow
about he talked about how flow
about he talked about how flow generating experiences are the ones in
generating experiences are the ones in
generating experiences are the ones in which you no longer think about what you
which you no longer think about what you
which you no longer think about what you are doing but then you become the doing
are doing but then you become the doing
are doing but then you become the doing I could say that swimming across laganja
I could say that swimming across laganja
I could say that swimming across laganja bay that stormy afternoon I was with
bay that stormy afternoon I was with
bay that stormy afternoon I was with flow and in flow at university I
flow and in flow at university I
flow and in flow at university I practiced triathlon and is the most
practiced triathlon and is the most
practiced triathlon and is the most painful thing mostly because I never
painful thing mostly because I never
painful thing mostly because I never grew up doing triathlon let alone
grew up doing triathlon let alone
grew up doing triathlon let alone competitively and it takes everything
competitively and it takes everything
competitively and it takes everything focus determination willpower and
focus determination willpower and
focus determination willpower and discipline to not be beaten up by the
discipline to not be beaten up by the
discipline to not be beaten up by the sport and what is most painful is that I
sport and what is most painful is that I
sport and what is most painful is that I never found a way to get used to the
never found a way to get used to the
never found a way to get used to the pain no matter how much I train every
pain no matter how much I train every
pain no matter how much I train every swim session hurts every track session
swim session hurts every track session
swim session hurts every track session has waking up at 5:00 a.m. to right the
has waking up at 5:00 a.m. to right the
has waking up at 5:00 a.m. to right the bikers everything hurts but the funny
bikers everything hurts but the funny
bikers everything hurts but the funny thing I realized was that the pain is
thing I realized was that the pain is
thing I realized was that the pain is what keeps me coming back then no matter
what keeps me coming back then no matter
what keeps me coming back then no matter how much it heard I always wanted to be
how much it heard I always wanted to be
how much it heard I always wanted to be doing it again and again every single
doing it again and again every single
doing it again and again every single day and so I found something satisfying
day and so I found something satisfying
day and so I found something satisfying and being absolutely beaten up at the
and being absolutely beaten up at the
and being absolutely beaten up at the pain because pain for me meant that I
pain because pain for me meant that I
pain because pain for me meant that I was feeling that I was alive and that
was feeling that I was alive and that
was feeling that I was alive and that for me was what a triathlon and body
for me was what a triathlon and body
for me was what a triathlon and body because as long as I was feeling
because as long as I was feeling
because as long as I was feeling everything that I was experiencing that
everything that I was experiencing that
everything that I was experiencing that for
for
for was enough and so this was what I had
was enough and so this was what I had
was enough and so this was what I had overlooked in Laguna de Bay that this
overlooked in Laguna de Bay that this
overlooked in Laguna de Bay that this would what I had overlooked that local
would what I had overlooked that local
would what I had overlooked that local TV show him again was this sense of
TV show him again was this sense of
TV show him again was this sense of being so alive that the moment was both
being so alive that the moment was both
being so alive that the moment was both the first and the last of fearlessness
the first and the last of fearlessness
the first and the last of fearlessness in the moment that each and every moment
in the moment that each and every moment
in the moment that each and every moment was there as it is it’s not being
was there as it is it’s not being
was there as it is it’s not being concerned with what is to come or what
concerned with what is to come or what
concerned with what is to come or what has passed but it was an utter and
has passed but it was an utter and
has passed but it was an utter and unquestionable acceptance of the
unquestionable acceptance of the
unquestionable acceptance of the situation as it is happiness from me
situation as it is happiness from me
situation as it is happiness from me wasn’t going to be when I was going to
wasn’t going to be when I was going to
wasn’t going to be when I was going to arrive safely on the other side
arrive safely on the other side
arrive safely on the other side happiness from me was each and every
happiness from me was each and every
happiness from me was each and every breath and stroke I took in the middle
breath and stroke I took in the middle
breath and stroke I took in the middle of that storm in the middle of La
of that storm in the middle of La
of that storm in the middle of La Verendrye Bay eyes-closed happiness
Verendrye Bay eyes-closed happiness
Verendrye Bay eyes-closed happiness wasn’t going to be the survival of the
wasn’t going to be the survival of the
wasn’t going to be the survival of the storm happiness is every the crackle of
storm happiness is every the crackle of
storm happiness is every the crackle of thunder the rumble of lightning and
thunder the rumble of lightning and
thunder the rumble of lightning and Flo’s voice melted into the diesel utter
Flo’s voice melted into the diesel utter
Flo’s voice melted into the diesel utter seeing that the soundscape happiness is
seeing that the soundscape happiness is
seeing that the soundscape happiness is to storm all this while Flo and I had a
to storm all this while Flo and I had a
to storm all this while Flo and I had a watch that would be at five random times
watch that would be at five random times
watch that would be at five random times a day and each time it beat we would
a day and each time it beat we would
a day and each time it beat we would have to fill in a questionnaire called
have to fill in a questionnaire called
have to fill in a questionnaire called the experience sampling method and this
the experience sampling method and this
the experience sampling method and this was one of csikszentmihalyi methods to
was one of csikszentmihalyi methods to
was one of csikszentmihalyi methods to capture the feeling of the moment and so
capture the feeling of the moment and so
capture the feeling of the moment and so we were unsure answer questions like how
we were unsure answer questions like how
we were unsure answer questions like how safe do you feel in this environment or
safe do you feel in this environment or
safe do you feel in this environment or would you rather be doing something else
would you rather be doing something else
would you rather be doing something else accept our questions like that to gauge
accept our questions like that to gauge
accept our questions like that to gauge how you were how happy you were in that
how you were how happy you were in that
how you were how happy you were in that moment and twice my watch eat in during
moment and twice my watch eat in during
moment and twice my watch eat in during the swim and each time I couldn’t put to
the swim and each time I couldn’t put to
the swim and each time I couldn’t put to words how I was feeling it was so
words how I was feeling it was so
words how I was feeling it was so overwhelming I don’t believe that
overwhelming I don’t believe that
overwhelming I don’t believe that security and happiness are synonymous
security and happiness are synonymous
security and happiness are synonymous money status achievements and accolades
money status achievements and accolades
money status achievements and accolades these are the consumers and conventional
these are the consumers and conventional
these are the consumers and conventional notions of happiness that Singapore buys
notions of happiness that Singapore buys
notions of happiness that Singapore buys into and it’s not easy it’s not
into and it’s not easy it’s not
into and it’s not easy it’s not difficult to see the pursuit of that
difficult to see the pursuit of that
difficult to see the pursuit of that kind of happiness plastered on shiny
kind of happiness plastered on shiny
kind of happiness plastered on shiny office marble floors and crystal windows
office marble floors and crystal windows
office marble floors and crystal windows of the CBD but I think the things that
of the CBD but I think the things that
of the CBD but I think the things that really give us life
really give us life
really give us life they’re not found in the skyscrapers or
they’re not found in the skyscrapers or
they’re not found in the skyscrapers or the other banks they are found within
the other banks they are found within
the other banks they are found within ourselves what I had hopeful initially
ourselves what I had hopeful initially
ourselves what I had hopeful initially was to see if happiness meant to
was to see if happiness meant to
was to see if happiness meant to stripping away or fit men and abundance
stripping away or fit men and abundance
stripping away or fit men and abundance but I think I found out that it’s not it
but I think I found out that it’s not it
but I think I found out that it’s not it was neither that Mathiason is right
was neither that Mathiason is right
was neither that Mathiason is right happiness is the courage to accept what
happiness is the courage to accept what
happiness is the courage to accept what is it is the courage to surrender cheer
is it is the courage to surrender cheer
is it is the courage to surrender cheer now even if it means you’re in the
now even if it means you’re in the
now even if it means you’re in the middle of a storm and if he’s like at
middle of a storm and if he’s like at
middle of a storm and if he’s like at the end of the world and this is where
the end of the world and this is where
the end of the world and this is where the lessons and triathlon begin to
the lessons and triathlon begin to
the lessons and triathlon begin to reveal themselves that when you’re in a
reveal themselves that when you’re in a
reveal themselves that when you’re in a lot of pain sometimes the best way to
lot of pain sometimes the best way to
lot of pain sometimes the best way to overcome it is just to come to your pain
overcome it is just to come to your pain
overcome it is just to come to your pain because that burning your ties with
because that burning your ties with
because that burning your ties with every cycle that gets prepared with
every cycle that gets prepared with
every cycle that gets prepared with every stroke and that gnaws and the pit
every stroke and that gnaws and the pit
every stroke and that gnaws and the pit of his stomach and every stripe is a
of his stomach and every stripe is a
of his stomach and every stripe is a sign that you are alive
sign that you are alive
sign that you are alive that you are feeling it and that you are
that you are feeling it and that you are
that you are feeling it and that you are present and yes it hurts but I didn’t
present and yes it hurts but I didn’t
present and yes it hurts but I didn’t stir feeling in and pain tells me that
stir feeling in and pain tells me that
stir feeling in and pain tells me that I’m in the chair and now pain tells me
I’m in the chair and now pain tells me
I’m in the chair and now pain tells me to honor my body and pain tells me that
to honor my body and pain tells me that
to honor my body and pain tells me that I’m alive and this is really the most
I’m alive and this is really the most
I’m alive and this is really the most beautiful and contradictory discovery
beautiful and contradictory discovery
beautiful and contradictory discovery that I’ve made with triathlon and
that I’ve made with triathlon and
that I’ve made with triathlon and swimming across the country Bay was a
swimming across the country Bay was a
swimming across the country Bay was a lesson in how to relish and embrace
lesson in how to relish and embrace
lesson in how to relish and embrace everything as it is the the pain the
everything as it is the the pain the
everything as it is the the pain the fatigue and the beauty of it all I would
fatigue and the beauty of it all I would
fatigue and the beauty of it all I would just like to add one last in Thailand
just like to add one last in Thailand
just like to add one last in Thailand swimming classes anyway yes it takes
swimming classes anyway yes it takes
swimming classes anyway yes it takes courage to accept what is because that
courage to accept what is because that
courage to accept what is because that means having the courage to confront the
means having the courage to confront the
means having the courage to confront the moment and therefore to confront the
moment and therefore to confront the
moment and therefore to confront the truth but above all have being in the
truth but above all have being in the
truth but above all have being in the moment is having faith and is having a
moment is having faith and is having a
moment is having faith and is having a deep faith in yourself that you will
deep faith in yourself that you will
deep faith in yourself that you will finish that you can continue and that
finish that you can continue and that
finish that you can continue and that everything is going to be okay
everything is going to be okay
everything is going to be okay it is having faith that you won’t give
it is having faith that you won’t give
it is having faith that you won’t give up even if that’s what you feel like
up even if that’s what you feel like
up even if that’s what you feel like doing right in that moment and it is
doing right in that moment and it is
doing right in that moment and it is having more than the courage to continue
having more than the courage to continue
having more than the courage to continue it is having faith that the metaphorical
it is having faith that the metaphorical
it is having faith that the metaphorical and literal choppy waters and thundering
and literal choppy waters and thundering
and literal choppy waters and thundering skies of life are transient they will
skies of life are transient they will
skies of life are transient they will pass and they are not forever
pass and they are not forever
pass and they are not forever happiness is exactly what the ven master
happiness is exactly what the ven master
happiness is exactly what the ven master means when he says to yield without
means when he says to yield without
means when he says to yield without resistance
resistance
resistance the only time where anything ever
the only time where anything ever
the only time where anything ever matters is now and I hope you remember
matters is now and I hope you remember
matters is now and I hope you remember that just as I remind myself every day
that just as I remind myself every day
that just as I remind myself every day to give to let go of myself to surrender
to give to let go of myself to surrender
to give to let go of myself to surrender to my now and to let the present to
to my now and to let the present to
to my now and to let the present to simply just be thank you
simply just be thank you
simply just be thank you [Applause]
”
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