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¿Estás bárbar@? | Bárbara Ortega | TEDxPaseoSantaLucía


there is a topic that fascinates me and are

interpersonal relationships and I think that

as a society we are very interested in

spoke of the courtship ring

engagement weddings divorces the

second marriage the children and good

what better place to say what

monterrey where we usually give more

wedding gift that birthday on

some moment of my life

all my decisions are based a lot on

the sentimental situation or of couple in

the one that I was until one day

I decided to do something about it

I decided to change my way of thinking by

what to live a very experience

particular

some years ago they offered me the

labor opportunity the city of mexico

and being relatively young he accepted the

offer

I grabbed my laptop cut my boyfriend from

years and decide to the city of mexico

this makes me feel on the one hand very

brave but at the same time very

vulnerable and how not to feel like that if the

day that arrived in the city of mexico

with this feeling of success

professional but failed in love my

dad who I love with all my heart very

seriously he tells me everything in life barbaric

have a balance liz do not stay all

spinster when passing the time knows a

type a capital that filled my life with

adventure emotions of new places

and in less than I imagined I was

madly in love with him he did not leave

as everything happened very quickly I saw

how my love towards him grew and grew

as we were leaving but also

I noticed how the relationship stayed

back at that time I thought that

all those things that I did not love what

that I just did not love they were going to

fix when we did things

well that is when we were boyfriends

formal thought which he always

dismissed from provincial province a

day we went were boyfriends and the

reality was that nothing improved anything

mario all those things that I do not

they loved exponential

then I started living a

quite frustrating relationship where then

things do not happen that I wanted but

at the same time she is super in love

of him and as he progressed I left

saying goodbye to many things very

important

the first thing that lost that relationship

it was my self-esteem

then my dignity and the last thing that

I lost was kilos and all this started to

play against me and I started

wrap me in a situation in a

relationship that was not the best anymore and in

all of that starts to notice that it does something

Very particular

I started to lie about the time

every time they asked me how to carry

to and how you go with your new boyfriend either

incredible all this wonder

very nice is more I think it ‘s the good

they also asked me how perfect is

my birthday they ask me hey that you

gave your boyfriend as you passed and I

I said no super cute is a remedy

flowers was awesome

yes yes I had given flowers but the

flowers was not for my birthday was

because that day we had a skin

terrible and it was a flower of forgiveness I would

I grabbed on these things relatively

good and I would grab them to make

believe the world that things were

working lying all the time to the

others but mainly to me in this

relationship also suddenly I

I found doing things that I did not

they loved that they were not going with me

For example, this situation

birthday was because I discovered that

he preferred to go with her friends instead

to spend with me on my birthday is

and that this time some flowers and a

dinner were enough for the

problem happens every time I know the day or

that accepted things like these

Someone was telling me that I was not well

I knew it was not good

you know it’s like when something happens and

they have that bad taste in their mouth or bad

Thorn

they were hunches they were pure hunches

each

what happened this and good as they will have

realized the relationship did not have

future some

so one day finally someone

decided to finish it

the amazing thing here is that it was not me

it was obvious that he was not having a good time

in fact it was so obvious that everyone

I already knew when I started counting

the news that they are rolling with this

typeface the only thing he received was

of this we said should not be happy

and we knew it was not for you

it does not shut us up and also and

etc. etc. etc. will have

to imagine that it seems time I was

shredded and if there are people here

they have broken their hearts they know what

I’m talking

He talked about getting up every morning and

feel a real pain in the chest a

empty in the stomach and a head that

does not stop thinking and thinking and

think and go through the step by step

relationship that I lived and really seek

where I had been wrong and of

I was suddenly thinking about ok I’m going to do

to recover it and then I thought not

better I did not think it

it’s not that if I miss him a lot and all the

time I was thinking and thinking and thinking and

think my head did not rest and for

More than I told this to my friends

I ruminated my mom to my brother to my

other friends was not enough

it was not enough and I understand it perfect

they did not understand what is

happening they are not happening the same

situation

then while I was in that chaos of

emotions and thoughts and

stories that I was creating

head

one day I decided to stop telling him

the people that I know and started to

tell people I do not know and

in the most transparent way

I started writing in this blog it’s called

I barbarian dotcom and he did not leave

I suddenly started writing about what

I felt about what comforts me

I put in my ex’s shoes and write

about it

Two weeks later I put on my shoes

of his new girlfriend and write about that

and I started writing about all things

what was happening and I started

discover that people were interested in

what I wrote and were interested in

what were the same situation happening

that I discovered that it was

there were many more people who were

living the same as me at that moment

and that’s why they liked what they read

because it was just what they thought

It was just what they wanted to read it

they felt identified at that point

I understood that my life could not be the

same that I could no longer base the

decisions of my life in my situation

sentimental or couple

also if I did this one 29 thousand

people were going to be able to take no example and

I could not allow someone

I made the same mistakes without

least let me know that for me they were

that

this changed the chip this made me

question everything I did

what he did not do and why he did it

He talked about what I proposed that the way

to live my life was the best I could

come from me to others

He talked about what I set out to be a woman

different in an independent woman a

woman with initiative a woman with

dreams a woman who follows her dreams

and pursue their ambitions

spoke of the importance of having a young person

life of wanting your dog to take care of your

mom of procuring your friends talked about

issues that go way beyond a

wedding ring

he talked about that even though life is

difficult because it is if they put the

enough attention and you get caught

pants you can really be

Barbara

without a doubt some of the best things

have happened to me in this way has been to have

out that relationship

unfortunately it was not a decision that

I took what I repeat does not make sense

because I had not made that decision

If it was obvious that was not going

all right

when these three signs appear in

your life in some situation only

There are three ways to go the

ignored or hidden or eavesdropping

when you decide to listen to them everything is

closes a single path is to do something to

respect and make a decision is the

things that scare the most in this life and in

reality what scares us are the

consequences that are going to come after

to make that decision

At that time I was afraid of everything

that was coming if I cut to tell the

people who were good that well no no

it was good to actually go back to

be alone to be alone in the city of

mexico to lose those friends that were

yours but at some point they were

mine

I was afraid of not having to do

Netflix Sundays I was afraid of everything

whatever comes to mind

the consequences are that

generally come to our mind and

they limit us to making decisions

I see it like that, imagine that they are

that are in a puddle of mud

stinking disgusting that came to them

until here where it is obvious that no longer

they must be there

obvious and fear of leaving it to them

go to cold or that when leaving it

people are going to laugh because they are the

pigs prefer to stay and in the

foul, silent puddle

I know it sounds ridiculous but it’s almost what

same

the consequences are what leave us

be in the puddle of mud all the time

we should not be there I realized

that there is another extremely important factor

powerful that helps you take a

decision and that we generally do not take

into account and talked about the opportunities

and me at that moment instead of thinking and

have the consequences

thought of the

opportunities that I had had

lasted nor two seconds in sending the

scouring would have made the decision in

that moment those opportunities are the

that move you and are the ones that make you

make a decision

when we do not take the reins

of our life and I mean go for

those opportunities

life sends you sharp blows to

what do you do

the bad thing is that generally those blows

sharp week break the heart and I

I mean when you get fired from your

work is when you decide to undertake a

own business or when they put you in the bureau

of credit is when you get a course

of finance is a plan or when your mom

sick is the moment where he decides

forgive the one that when your dad dies is

when you decide to take charge of the business

family

this story that I told them the day

today that may sound trivial and

pathetic love story

I decided to make it highly relevant

in my life so relevant as to

bring her here today because the story that

he taught me that I can prevent the

life surprise me and break my heart

but that’s my story every one of

you have your story

that small or big but relevant

experience that made things

they were different that even though

surely they had a bad time in that

right now they could not be better

do not let those stories go from

night for his life

do not let them become recurrent

cache are telling lies feel those

hunches listen to the opinion of their

beloved

stop having the consequences and

emotions and for the opportunities they emit

at all costs

stay in the puddle of mud

ask yourself each day if you really

they are barbarians

thank you very much

[Applause]

”

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