I am a failure it’s okay you really don’t have to worry about me
you really don’t have to worry about me
you really don’t have to worry about me I’m not alone because you all are
I’m not alone because you all are
I’m not alone because you all are failures too seriously I fall short on a
failures too seriously I fall short on a
failures too seriously I fall short on a vertical skill get the laugh that hard
vertical skill get the laugh that hard
vertical skill get the laugh that hard okay and as someone who serves as a
okay and as someone who serves as a
okay and as someone who serves as a facilitator and activist and advocate
facilitator and activist and advocate
facilitator and activist and advocate and ally our colleagues our leaders the
and ally our colleagues our leaders the
and ally our colleagues our leaders the systems the institutions we interact
systems the institutions we interact
systems the institutions we interact with daily fail us we manage to forget
with daily fail us we manage to forget
with daily fail us we manage to forget that learning is not a comfortable
that learning is not a comfortable
that learning is not a comfortable process and neither are the experiences
process and neither are the experiences
process and neither are the experiences in which we’re discussing and we
in which we’re discussing and we
in which we’re discussing and we ultimately fail to realize that placing
ultimately fail to realize that placing
ultimately fail to realize that placing this priority of comfortability does not
this priority of comfortability does not
this priority of comfortability does not benefit us or the communities we are
benefit us or the communities we are
benefit us or the communities we are working with in the areas of social
working with in the areas of social
working with in the areas of social change we play such a large emphasis on
change we play such a large emphasis on
change we play such a large emphasis on comfort ability for participants we call
comfort ability for participants we call
comfort ability for participants we call out the wrong state what is right but we
out the wrong state what is right but we
out the wrong state what is right but we leave it there and there holds comfort
leave it there and there holds comfort
leave it there and there holds comfort it’s free of pushing too hard it is talk
it’s free of pushing too hard it is talk
it’s free of pushing too hard it is talk and talk and talk with no real action
and talk and talk with no real action
and talk and talk with no real action this is the zone of comfortability and
this is the zone of comfortability and
this is the zone of comfortability and it’s where we all currently are I live
it’s where we all currently are I live
it’s where we all currently are I live life outside of the binary my entire
life outside of the binary my entire
life outside of the binary my entire existence deviates from conventions
existence deviates from conventions
existence deviates from conventions established by binary systems and ways
established by binary systems and ways
established by binary systems and ways of thinking to put a simple a binary
of thinking to put a simple a binary
of thinking to put a simple a binary system or ways thinking is a system
system or ways thinking is a system
system or ways thinking is a system relating to composing of and involving
relating to composing of and involving
relating to composing of and involving two things in this belief is that these
two things in this belief is that these
two things in this belief is that these two things are the only two pieces
two things are the only two pieces
two things are the only two pieces involved in the system for instance when
involved in the system for instance when
involved in the system for instance when we look at gender we view gender as
we look at gender we view gender as
we look at gender we view gender as boy-girl man and woman and as I stand
boy-girl man and woman and as I stand
boy-girl man and woman and as I stand before you you are witnessing
before you you are witnessing
before you you are witnessing interacting with a being an idea that is
interacting with a being an idea that is
interacting with a being an idea that is the gray area and it’s quite thrilling
the gray area and it’s quite thrilling
the gray area and it’s quite thrilling it’s really exciting to be having this
it’s really exciting to be having this
it’s really exciting to be having this conversation with you because I’ve
conversation with you because I’ve
conversation with you because I’ve dubbed myself as your physical
dubbed myself as your physical
dubbed myself as your physical representation of the gray area I am one
representation of the gray area I am one
representation of the gray area I am one of many
of many
of many I am the grey fuzzy piece that jumps up
I am the grey fuzzy piece that jumps up
I am the grey fuzzy piece that jumps up and down to be seen and heard
and down to be seen and heard
and down to be seen and heard recognized and respected and there’s
recognized and respected and there’s
recognized and respected and there’s nothing wrong with myself for the many
nothing wrong with myself for the many
nothing wrong with myself for the many other people who
other people who
other people who live in this area but what is wrong is
live in this area but what is wrong is
live in this area but what is wrong is the razor we face in the treatment we
the razor we face in the treatment we
the razor we face in the treatment we face and we give you that though what is
face and we give you that though what is
face and we give you that though what is right and what is wrong as a binary
right and what is wrong as a binary
right and what is wrong as a binary system be recognizing justices call them
system be recognizing justices call them
system be recognizing justices call them out when the time comes to make action
out when the time comes to make action
out when the time comes to make action we fail to do so and there are many
we fail to do so and there are many
we fail to do so and there are many reasons one specifically though is the
reasons one specifically though is the
reasons one specifically though is the fact that we’re too afraid of pushing
fact that we’re too afraid of pushing
fact that we’re too afraid of pushing hard making someone unaffected feel
hard making someone unaffected feel
hard making someone unaffected feel uncomfortable of really honestly saying
uncomfortable of really honestly saying
uncomfortable of really honestly saying how we feel that itself is a zone is the
how we feel that itself is a zone is the
how we feel that itself is a zone is the zone of comfortability and the zone of
zone of comfortability and the zone of
zone of comfortability and the zone of comfortability is what’s preventing us
comfortability is what’s preventing us
comfortability is what’s preventing us from making progress like we think we
from making progress like we think we
from making progress like we think we are it’s the reason we see the same few
are it’s the reason we see the same few
are it’s the reason we see the same few things happen
things happen
things happen faint shocked oh can you believe that
faint shocked oh can you believe that
faint shocked oh can you believe that happened to a call for us to do better
happened to a call for us to do better
happened to a call for us to do better as a community we stand for so much more
as a community we stand for so much more
as a community we stand for so much more than this we will rise to the occasion
than this we will rise to the occasion
than this we will rise to the occasion call it the injustice is fight for
call it the injustice is fight for
call it the injustice is fight for justice and this will never happen again
justice and this will never happen again
justice and this will never happen again it always happens again and then finally
it always happens again and then finally
it always happens again and then finally a conversation where we suppress the
a conversation where we suppress the
a conversation where we suppress the voices of those affected uncomfortable
voices of those affected uncomfortable
voices of those affected uncomfortable because we’re afraid of making someone
because we’re afraid of making someone
because we’re afraid of making someone else feel uncomfortable and we’ve all
else feel uncomfortable and we’ve all
else feel uncomfortable and we’ve all done it we all do it even our best and
done it we all do it even our best and
done it we all do it even our best and brightest pupils within society have
brightest pupils within society have
brightest pupils within society have done it a university president penned a
done it a university president penned a
done it a university president penned a letter denying the creations of safe
letter denying the creations of safe
letter denying the creations of safe spaces due to not wanting others to
spaces due to not wanting others to
spaces due to not wanting others to retreat from ideas and perspectives at
retreat from ideas and perspectives at
retreat from ideas and perspectives at odds with their own and respectfully I
odds with their own and respectfully I
odds with their own and respectfully I believe those comments were highly
believe those comments were highly
believe those comments were highly misguided and extremely unnecessary and
misguided and extremely unnecessary and
misguided and extremely unnecessary and if anything was allowed and public
if anything was allowed and public
if anything was allowed and public admission of not understanding what a
admission of not understanding what a
admission of not understanding what a safe space is or – safe space can be
safe space is or – safe space can be
safe space is or – safe space can be this isn’t to condemn him but to offer
this isn’t to condemn him but to offer
this isn’t to condemn him but to offer these ideas that a safe space is not
these ideas that a safe space is not
these ideas that a safe space is not made for you to feel comfortable safety
made for you to feel comfortable safety
made for you to feel comfortable safety and comfort are not the same thing
and comfort are not the same thing
and comfort are not the same thing comfort is not needed in order for you
comfort is not needed in order for you
comfort is not needed in order for you to learn and grow and if anything safe
to learn and grow and if anything safe
to learn and grow and if anything safe spaces provide us the opportunity to
spaces provide us the opportunity to
spaces provide us the opportunity to jump into those unchartered territories
jump into those unchartered territories
jump into those unchartered territories I’ll tell you about the first time I
I’ll tell you about the first time I
I’ll tell you about the first time I jumped more so threw myself into a
jumped more so threw myself into a
jumped more so threw myself into a uncomfortable situation
uncomfortable situation
uncomfortable situation we were in the safe space and we’re
we were in the safe space and we’re
we were in the safe space and we’re discussing the top of immigration a
discussing the top of immigration a
discussing the top of immigration a reality not one of my own and something
reality not one of my own and something
reality not one of my own and something I really didn’t know that much about the
I really didn’t know that much about the
I really didn’t know that much about the room had gone around and shared their
room had gone around and shared their
room had gone around and shared their experiences and understandings of what
experiences and understandings of what
experiences and understandings of what immigration is and a few participants
immigration is and a few participants
immigration is and a few participants told their story their immigration story
told their story their immigration story
told their story their immigration story and that of their parents and I grew
and that of their parents and I grew
and that of their parents and I grew uncomfortable I recognized two or three
uncomfortable I recognized two or three
uncomfortable I recognized two or three other people grew uncomfortable and as
other people grew uncomfortable and as
other people grew uncomfortable and as politely as possible I asked if we could
politely as possible I asked if we could
politely as possible I asked if we could change the subject one of the
change the subject one of the
change the subject one of the participants looked at me and asked can
participants looked at me and asked can
participants looked at me and asked can I change the reality of which I live and
I change the reality of which I live and
I change the reality of which I live and I was like no that’s silly that’s not
I was like no that’s silly that’s not
I was like no that’s silly that’s not quite how this works and he was like
quite how this works and he was like
quite how this works and he was like it’s silly that you think that I that
it’s silly that you think that I that
it’s silly that you think that I that you think that you can call yourself an
you think that you can call yourself an
you think that you can call yourself an ally to my community and not sit here
ally to my community and not sit here
ally to my community and not sit here and be uncomfortable for 30 seconds and
and be uncomfortable for 30 seconds and
and be uncomfortable for 30 seconds and as you can imagine I kick back zipped my
as you can imagine I kick back zipped my
as you can imagine I kick back zipped my lips and let the uncomfortableness
lips and let the uncomfortableness
lips and let the uncomfortableness settle in we see growth in so many
settle in we see growth in so many
settle in we see growth in so many different ways in the world that we live
different ways in the world that we live
different ways in the world that we live in we see growth in the term of
in we see growth in the term of
in we see growth in the term of pregnancy we see growth in relationships
pregnancy we see growth in relationships
pregnancy we see growth in relationships and friendships and one area growth I’m
and friendships and one area growth I’m
and friendships and one area growth I’m most reminded of is that of my little
most reminded of is that of my little
most reminded of is that of my little brother and we were younger my older
brother and we were younger my older
brother and we were younger my older sister and I Olivia witnessed Isaiah
sister and I Olivia witnessed Isaiah
sister and I Olivia witnessed Isaiah growing out of shoes and clothes and a
growing out of shoes and clothes and a
growing out of shoes and clothes and a very fast rate there would be times
very fast rate there would be times
very fast rate there would be times where my mom would buy him a pair of
where my mom would buy him a pair of
where my mom would buy him a pair of shoes and the next week he we have grown
shoes and the next week he we have grown
shoes and the next week he we have grown out in them
out in them
out in them there were times we have to wear a pair
there were times we have to wear a pair
there were times we have to wear a pair of shoes or the size too small or he
of shoes or the size too small or he
of shoes or the size too small or he went through this awkward phase of being
went through this awkward phase of being
went through this awkward phase of being in the boys section and the men’s
in the boys section and the men’s
in the boys section and the men’s section and the most heart-wrenching
section and the most heart-wrenching
section and the most heart-wrenching moments when we had to take his cape
moments when we had to take his cape
moments when we had to take his cape away from him and tell them he was a
away from him and tell them he was a
away from him and tell them he was a little too grown to be running around
little too grown to be running around
little too grown to be running around calling himself super Isaiah and after
calling himself super Isaiah and after
calling himself super Isaiah and after all those years of tension and trying to
all those years of tension and trying to
all those years of tension and trying to understand his height and going with
understand his height and going with
understand his height and going with that uncomfortableness Isaiah now stands
that uncomfortableness Isaiah now stands
that uncomfortableness Isaiah now stands at six four and a half and has benefited
at six four and a half and has benefited
at six four and a half and has benefited him in a sense he’s a really great ball
him in a sense he’s a really great ball
him in a sense he’s a really great ball player and for me I’ve been able to
player and for me I’ve been able to
player and for me I’ve been able to learn about the the works of
learn about the the works of
learn about the the works of comfortability
comfortability
comfortability or not having comfortability within
or not having comfortability within
or not having comfortability within growing we have to understand as
growing we have to understand as
growing we have to understand as activists and advocates and facilitators
activists and advocates and facilitators
activists and advocates and facilitators we fall we wobble we trip all the time
we fall we wobble we trip all the time
we fall we wobble we trip all the time this work isn’t easy but when we take
this work isn’t easy but when we take
this work isn’t easy but when we take the initiative and learn about these
the initiative and learn about these
the initiative and learn about these processes and understanding different
processes and understanding different
processes and understanding different people were able to make ourselves and
people were able to make ourselves and
people were able to make ourselves and our communities better I need you all to
our communities better I need you all to
our communities better I need you all to know that I am not perfect I am NOT
know that I am not perfect I am NOT
know that I am not perfect I am NOT all-knowing I’m young I have a lot of
all-knowing I’m young I have a lot of
all-knowing I’m young I have a lot of life left to live lessons to learn
life left to live lessons to learn
life left to live lessons to learn realities to face but what I can stand
realities to face but what I can stand
realities to face but what I can stand true to is that comfortability does not
true to is that comfortability does not
true to is that comfortability does not come overnight over the years I have
come overnight over the years I have
come overnight over the years I have found myself in many situations or
found myself in many situations or
found myself in many situations or conversations where I was afraid of
conversations where I was afraid of
conversations where I was afraid of pushing too hard for fear making someone
pushing too hard for fear making someone
pushing too hard for fear making someone else feel uncomfortable or living and
else feel uncomfortable or living and
else feel uncomfortable or living and dying by this idea of respectability
dying by this idea of respectability
dying by this idea of respectability politics to be seen as valid to fit in
politics to be seen as valid to fit in
politics to be seen as valid to fit in and I would be lying if I said this was
and I would be lying if I said this was
and I would be lying if I said this was in a moment right now I’ve allowed
in a moment right now I’ve allowed
in a moment right now I’ve allowed others and their inability of leaving
others and their inability of leaving
others and their inability of leaving their comfort zone determine the way I
their comfort zone determine the way I
their comfort zone determine the way I view and treat myself and determine the
view and treat myself and determine the
view and treat myself and determine the way I do the work for people in their
way I do the work for people in their
way I do the work for people in their communities
communities
communities I’ve allow comments such as you’re a
I’ve allow comments such as you’re a
I’ve allow comments such as you’re a good black person or you’re not like
good black person or you’re not like
good black person or you’re not like those people or you’re so educated and
those people or you’re so educated and
those people or you’re so educated and passionate and not emotional or
passionate and not emotional or
passionate and not emotional or aggressive like the rest become
aggressive like the rest become
aggressive like the rest become compliments instead of seeing them in
compliments instead of seeing them in
compliments instead of seeing them in addressing them as the micro aggressive
addressing them as the micro aggressive
addressing them as the micro aggressive insults that they are and they served as
insults that they are and they served as
insults that they are and they served as a driving force to keep me in my zone of
a driving force to keep me in my zone of
a driving force to keep me in my zone of comfortability and this part may not be
comfortability and this part may not be
comfortability and this part may not be the most comforting part of my talk but
the most comforting part of my talk but
the most comforting part of my talk but I promise you will be just fine because
I promise you will be just fine because
I promise you will be just fine because hearing this it’s not nearly as bad as
hearing this it’s not nearly as bad as
hearing this it’s not nearly as bad as having it experiences and it’s that I’ve
having it experiences and it’s that I’ve
having it experiences and it’s that I’ve had found myself subscribing or catering
had found myself subscribing or catering
had found myself subscribing or catering to the ideals of an institution that was
to the ideals of an institution that was
to the ideals of an institution that was never ideally for me
never ideally for me
never ideally for me and that meant straying from my most
and that meant straying from my most
and that meant straying from my most authentic self to be seen in the light
authentic self to be seen in the light
authentic self to be seen in the light that was pleasing to the wrong people
that was pleasing to the wrong people
that was pleasing to the wrong people people not in my community and not for
people not in my community and not for
people not in my community and not for my cause when we ask community members
my cause when we ask community members
my cause when we ask community members advocates activists facilitators to
advocates activists facilitators to
advocates activists facilitators to adhere to a notion of comfortability at
adhere to a notion of comfortability at
adhere to a notion of comfortability at the sake of institution
the sake of institution
the sake of institution we are doing more harm than we are doing
we are doing more harm than we are doing
we are doing more harm than we are doing good
good
good we are not dismantling these systems and
we are not dismantling these systems and
we are not dismantling these systems and we forfeit the right to call ourselves
we forfeit the right to call ourselves
we forfeit the right to call ourselves in gauges of differences a fighter of
in gauges of differences a fighter of
in gauges of differences a fighter of all rights champions of diversity when
all rights champions of diversity when
all rights champions of diversity when we do this we’re not being fair we’re
we do this we’re not being fair we’re
we do this we’re not being fair we’re not being authentic and that’s not why
not being authentic and that’s not why
not being authentic and that’s not why we do this work it’s just why I don’t do
we do this work it’s just why I don’t do
we do this work it’s just why I don’t do this work daily I interact with
this work daily I interact with
this work daily I interact with marginalized communities and
marginalized communities and
marginalized communities and discrimination and even with my
discrimination and even with my
discrimination and even with my marginalized identities and the
marginalized identities and the
marginalized identities and the discrimination I face I am able to
discrimination I face I am able to
discrimination I face I am able to recognize the privileges I do have for
recognize the privileges I do have for
recognize the privileges I do have for one I attend a four-year university and
one I attend a four-year university and
one I attend a four-year university and two I’m standing on the stage and
two I’m standing on the stage and
two I’m standing on the stage and sharing an idea with you all about the
sharing an idea with you all about the
sharing an idea with you all about the interactions with and perpetuation of
interactions with and perpetuation of
interactions with and perpetuation of the zone of comfortability this may be
the zone of comfortability this may be
the zone of comfortability this may be an example of me leveraging my privilege
an example of me leveraging my privilege
an example of me leveraging my privilege but at times I still to fall short and I
but at times I still to fall short and I
but at times I still to fall short and I cannot allow myself for others to claim
cannot allow myself for others to claim
cannot allow myself for others to claim title to something that’s not fully true
title to something that’s not fully true
title to something that’s not fully true I cannot simply be satisfied with
I cannot simply be satisfied with
I cannot simply be satisfied with admitting the truth because like I said
admitting the truth because like I said
admitting the truth because like I said a meaning the truth doesn’t set you free
a meaning the truth doesn’t set you free
a meaning the truth doesn’t set you free or make us great people admitting the
or make us great people admitting the
or make us great people admitting the truth only opens the door yet at some
truth only opens the door yet at some
truth only opens the door yet at some point we have to go outside interact
point we have to go outside interact
point we have to go outside interact with take in these new and exciting and
with take in these new and exciting and
with take in these new and exciting and scary environments conversations and
scary environments conversations and
scary environments conversations and situations and seek for change behavior
situations and seek for change behavior
situations and seek for change behavior imagine allowing someone to apologize
imagine allowing someone to apologize
imagine allowing someone to apologize again again again and again for the same
again again again and again for the same
again again again and again for the same thing and no behaviors have changed what
thing and no behaviors have changed what
thing and no behaviors have changed what good is that apology what does that
good is that apology what does that
good is that apology what does that apology really mean what does this all
apology really mean what does this all
apology really mean what does this all really mean it means being in the new
really mean it means being in the new
really mean it means being in the new environment
environment
environment partaking in a new activity is thrilling
partaking in a new activity is thrilling
partaking in a new activity is thrilling we we seek this thrilling rush of
we we seek this thrilling rush of
we we seek this thrilling rush of excitement in order to gain a sense of
excitement in order to gain a sense of
excitement in order to gain a sense of confidence a sense of adventure or for
confidence a sense of adventure or for
confidence a sense of adventure or for someone what’s the therapeutic and must
someone what’s the therapeutic and must
someone what’s the therapeutic and must be honest shall we seek thrills we
be honest shall we seek thrills we
be honest shall we seek thrills we skydive bungee jump pay hundreds of
skydive bungee jump pay hundreds of
skydive bungee jump pay hundreds of dollars to get on the tallest fastest
dollars to get on the tallest fastest
dollars to get on the tallest fastest scariest roller coasters and just for
scariest roller coasters and just for
scariest roller coasters and just for clarification of sakes when I said we
clarification of sakes when I said we
clarification of sakes when I said we actually meant y’all
in some manner or another all humans
in some manner or another all humans seek thrills so why not seek thrills is
seek thrills so why not seek thrills is
seek thrills so why not seek thrills is something that ultimately better us in
something that ultimately better us in
something that ultimately better us in our communities we participate in
our communities we participate in
our communities we participate in potentially life-threatening activities
potentially life-threatening activities
potentially life-threatening activities so I came to participating activity
so I came to participating activity
so I came to participating activity there were better a life better a
there were better a life better a
there were better a life better a community I know I’m painting
community I know I’m painting
community I know I’m painting thrill-seeking as something that’s fun
thrill-seeking as something that’s fun
thrill-seeking as something that’s fun and exciting and prideful because it is
and exciting and prideful because it is
and exciting and prideful because it is but we should recognize that this is
but we should recognize that this is
but we should recognize that this is real life with real-life ramifications
real life with real-life ramifications
real life with real-life ramifications one conversation one moment of
one conversation one moment of
one conversation one moment of intervention not having a conversation
intervention not having a conversation
intervention not having a conversation not intervening can potentially be
not intervening can potentially be
not intervening can potentially be life-changing I know this isn’t easy
life-changing I know this isn’t easy
life-changing I know this isn’t easy trust and believe me but I recognize
trust and believe me but I recognize
trust and believe me but I recognize that we have this baby syndrome it’s
that we have this baby syndrome it’s
that we have this baby syndrome it’s like when we’re watching a baby learn
like when we’re watching a baby learn
like when we’re watching a baby learn how to walk for the first time we see
how to walk for the first time we see
how to walk for the first time we see that they fall and they wobble and they
that they fall and they wobble and they
that they fall and they wobble and they may refer back to crawling because it’s
may refer back to crawling because it’s
may refer back to crawling because it’s what’s they know best and I was watching
what’s they know best and I was watching
what’s they know best and I was watching babies learn how to walk we we freak out
babies learn how to walk we we freak out
babies learn how to walk we we freak out when they fall or they wobble and we
when they fall or they wobble and we
when they fall or they wobble and we scare them and they think they’ve done
scare them and they think they’ve done
scare them and they think they’ve done something wrong and now they’re like oh
something wrong and now they’re like oh
something wrong and now they’re like oh no I don’t want to do that and when they
no I don’t want to do that and when they
no I don’t want to do that and when they start to crawl again we breathe a sigh
start to crawl again we breathe a sigh
start to crawl again we breathe a sigh of relief because we know they’re safe
of relief because we know they’re safe
of relief because we know they’re safe we have to stop doing this baby syndrome
we have to stop doing this baby syndrome
we have to stop doing this baby syndrome with each other if we’re going to do
with each other if we’re going to do
with each other if we’re going to do this work that we care so much about
this work that we care so much about
this work that we care so much about because right now either we’re crawling
because right now either we’re crawling
because right now either we’re crawling or we’ve let someone crawl past us and
or we’ve let someone crawl past us and
or we’ve let someone crawl past us and encourage them to come back up and open
encourage them to come back up and open
encourage them to come back up and open the door because I promise you when you
the door because I promise you when you
the door because I promise you when you do there’s so much more to experience
do there’s so much more to experience
do there’s so much more to experience outside of your zones I challenge you to
outside of your zones I challenge you to
outside of your zones I challenge you to challenge yourselves your peers the
challenge yourselves your peers the
challenge yourselves your peers the institution’s your schools your leaders
institution’s your schools your leaders
institution’s your schools your leaders your friends whoever challenged this
your friends whoever challenged this
your friends whoever challenged this zone that we’ve created this binary way
zone that we’ve created this binary way
zone that we’ve created this binary way of thinking we’ve made within our areas
of thinking we’ve made within our areas
of thinking we’ve made within our areas of social change and jump jump headfirst
of social change and jump jump headfirst
of social change and jump jump headfirst dive into this work is rewarding and
dive into this work is rewarding and
dive into this work is rewarding and it’s worth it and honestly I jumped at
it’s worth it and honestly I jumped at
it’s worth it and honestly I jumped at beginning of this talk and I’m waiting
beginning of this talk and I’m waiting
beginning of this talk and I’m waiting for you to jump with me thank you
”
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