good afternoon everyone how many of you have ever been in a
how many of you have ever been in a
how many of you have ever been in a situation where you really wanted to say
situation where you really wanted to say
situation where you really wanted to say something ask a question make an
something ask a question make an
something ask a question make an observation or share your opinion but
observation or share your opinion but
observation or share your opinion but you didn’t do it because you were afraid
you didn’t do it because you were afraid
you didn’t do it because you were afraid of embarrassing yourself you didn’t want
of embarrassing yourself you didn’t want
of embarrassing yourself you didn’t want to sound stupid well I’m the person who
to sound stupid well I’m the person who
to sound stupid well I’m the person who asks that question and embarrasses
asks that question and embarrasses
asks that question and embarrasses ourselves I do it almost regularly and I
ourselves I do it almost regularly and I
ourselves I do it almost regularly and I think you should do it too and I say
think you should do it too and I say
think you should do it too and I say that fully aware of how ridiculous it
that fully aware of how ridiculous it
that fully aware of how ridiculous it sounds surely if you were to do that no
sounds surely if you were to do that no
sounds surely if you were to do that no one would ever take you seriously you
one would ever take you seriously you
one would ever take you seriously you would become a laughingstock right well
would become a laughingstock right well
would become a laughingstock right well I’m not going to lie to you that’s
I’m not going to lie to you that’s
I’m not going to lie to you that’s probably what will happen but it will
probably what will happen but it will
probably what will happen but it will also give you a new kind of freedom of
also give you a new kind of freedom of
also give you a new kind of freedom of freedom from the need to be perceived as
freedom from the need to be perceived as
freedom from the need to be perceived as normal we put all these arbitrary
normal we put all these arbitrary
normal we put all these arbitrary restrictions on ourselves because we
restrictions on ourselves because we
restrictions on ourselves because we fear being mocked but what’s so bad
fear being mocked but what’s so bad
fear being mocked but what’s so bad about being mocked
about being mocked
about being mocked why are we so scared of being ridiculed
why are we so scared of being ridiculed
why are we so scared of being ridiculed take me for example
take me for example
take me for example I am NOT a good public speaker I have a
I am NOT a good public speaker I have a
I am NOT a good public speaker I have a history of freezing and fumbling on
history of freezing and fumbling on
history of freezing and fumbling on stage and when I came here today I was
stage and when I came here today I was
stage and when I came here today I was really afraid that that might happen
really afraid that that might happen
really afraid that that might happen once again but here I am just so you
once again but here I am just so you
once again but here I am just so you know I still expect to forget what I
know I still expect to forget what I
know I still expect to forget what I planned to say at any moment now but I
planned to say at any moment now but I
planned to say at any moment now but I realized that if I were to give up this
realized that if I were to give up this
realized that if I were to give up this opportunity I would regret it far more
opportunity I would regret it far more
opportunity I would regret it far more than I would regret making a mistake
than I would regret making a mistake
than I would regret making a mistake after I take it now you may ask what’s
after I take it now you may ask what’s
after I take it now you may ask what’s so good about this or why should you do
so good about this or why should you do
so good about this or why should you do it well if I hadn’t overcome or at least
it well if I hadn’t overcome or at least
it well if I hadn’t overcome or at least learn to better control my fear of
learn to better control my fear of
learn to better control my fear of embarrassed
embarrassed
embarrassed and I would have missed out on a lot for
and I would have missed out on a lot for
and I would have missed out on a lot for one I would have never gotten a stage
one I would have never gotten a stage
one I would have never gotten a stage never taken a position maybe never taken
never taken a position maybe never taken
never taken a position maybe never taken a chance all together I use to have an
a chance all together I use to have an
a chance all together I use to have an incapacitating fear of embarrassment and
incapacitating fear of embarrassment and
incapacitating fear of embarrassment and I understand how difficult it can be to
I understand how difficult it can be to
I understand how difficult it can be to get over that but the benefits of doing
get over that but the benefits of doing
get over that but the benefits of doing so make it worthwhile once you get over
so make it worthwhile once you get over
so make it worthwhile once you get over that fear of social rejection you’re
that fear of social rejection you’re
that fear of social rejection you’re able to expand your horizons and try
able to expand your horizons and try
able to expand your horizons and try things that you’re too afraid to try for
things that you’re too afraid to try for
things that you’re too afraid to try for me I’d always wanted to learn dancing
me I’d always wanted to learn dancing
me I’d always wanted to learn dancing but was afraid that I’d be bad at it
but was afraid that I’d be bad at it
but was afraid that I’d be bad at it after I got over that fear I learned
after I got over that fear I learned
after I got over that fear I learned ballet for two years even performed in
ballet for two years even performed in
ballet for two years even performed in front of an audience now my fears were
front of an audience now my fears were
front of an audience now my fears were in no way irrational
in no way irrational
in no way irrational I was really terrible at it but I tried
I was really terrible at it but I tried
I was really terrible at it but I tried something I had always wanted to do and
something I had always wanted to do and
something I had always wanted to do and I loved it
I loved it
I loved it and because I didn’t care how terrible I
and because I didn’t care how terrible I
and because I didn’t care how terrible I was really didn’t matter I’ve tried many
was really didn’t matter I’ve tried many
was really didn’t matter I’ve tried many different things in his manner I turned
different things in his manner I turned
different things in his manner I turned out to be I’ll be it absolutely terrible
out to be I’ll be it absolutely terrible
out to be I’ll be it absolutely terrible at some but a lot better than I’d
at some but a lot better than I’d
at some but a lot better than I’d expected at others one occasion where
expected at others one occasion where
expected at others one occasion where things turned out a lot better than I’d
things turned out a lot better than I’d
things turned out a lot better than I’d expected was when I applied for a
expected was when I applied for a
expected was when I applied for a position at a student magazine so how it
position at a student magazine so how it
position at a student magazine so how it went was I applied for a position at a
went was I applied for a position at a
went was I applied for a position at a student magazine last summer and I got
student magazine last summer and I got
student magazine last summer and I got rejected so I became a writer there
rejected so I became a writer there
rejected so I became a writer there instead after that I applied for another
instead after that I applied for another
instead after that I applied for another position a few weeks later I got
position a few weeks later I got
position a few weeks later I got rejected oh and this repeated rejection
rejected oh and this repeated rejection
rejected oh and this repeated rejection especially in front of my peers was a
especially in front of my peers was a
especially in front of my peers was a great source of embarrassment for me and
great source of embarrassment for me and
great source of embarrassment for me and I know I wanted to experience it again
I know I wanted to experience it again
I know I wanted to experience it again but I decided to control that fear and
but I decided to control that fear and
but I decided to control that fear and try once again and it got the position
try once again and it got the position
try once again and it got the position that time then I decided to apply for
that time then I decided to apply for
that time then I decided to apply for any even higher position and I bought
any even higher position and I bought
any even higher position and I bought that as well I’m now the head editor of
that as well I’m now the head editor of
that as well I’m now the head editor of the news
the news
the news later there which I never would have
later there which I never would have
later there which I never would have become had I’ve been afraid of being
become had I’ve been afraid of being
become had I’ve been afraid of being rejected once again yet we prevent
rejected once again yet we prevent
rejected once again yet we prevent ourselves from doing things that we are
ourselves from doing things that we are
ourselves from doing things that we are afraid might end in humiliation we don’t
afraid might end in humiliation we don’t
afraid might end in humiliation we don’t ask a question and leave a query
ask a question and leave a query
ask a question and leave a query unanswered we don’t try something new
unanswered we don’t try something new
unanswered we don’t try something new because we’re afraid we might be bad at
because we’re afraid we might be bad at
because we’re afraid we might be bad at it and these things do pile up over time
it and these things do pile up over time
it and these things do pile up over time I want everyone in the audience to take
I want everyone in the audience to take
I want everyone in the audience to take a few seconds and really think about all
a few seconds and really think about all
a few seconds and really think about all the opportunities that you have lost in
the opportunities that you have lost in
the opportunities that you have lost in this manner and everything that you
this manner and everything that you
this manner and everything that you could have done with them well now I’m
could have done with them well now I’m
could have done with them well now I’m well aware of the fact that whatever I
well aware of the fact that whatever I
well aware of the fact that whatever I say today will not keep you from
say today will not keep you from
say today will not keep you from experiencing embarrassment it’s
experiencing embarrassment it’s
experiencing embarrassment it’s perfectly natural to feel that way and I
perfectly natural to feel that way and I
perfectly natural to feel that way and I feel that way too but you could choose
feel that way too but you could choose
feel that way too but you could choose to not let that feeling control you
to not let that feeling control you
to not let that feeling control you because it is not as bad as you think it
because it is not as bad as you think it
because it is not as bad as you think it is and it is not worth the price you’d
is and it is not worth the price you’d
is and it is not worth the price you’d pay to avoid it I would like to share
pay to avoid it I would like to share
pay to avoid it I would like to share with you some techniques that have
with you some techniques that have
with you some techniques that have helped me get better at controlling it
helped me get better at controlling it
helped me get better at controlling it over the years and I hope that they help
over the years and I hope that they help
over the years and I hope that they help you as well don’t apologize you don’t
you as well don’t apologize you don’t
you as well don’t apologize you don’t need to be sorry that you took a chance
need to be sorry that you took a chance
need to be sorry that you took a chance when you act like you have nothing to be
when you act like you have nothing to be
when you act like you have nothing to be ashamed of that confidence exudes and it
ashamed of that confidence exudes and it
ashamed of that confidence exudes and it makes those around you feel like you
makes those around you feel like you
makes those around you feel like you have nothing to be ashamed of
have nothing to be ashamed of
have nothing to be ashamed of I’ve showcased my dreadful speaking
I’ve showcased my dreadful speaking
I’ve showcased my dreadful speaking skills on several occasions but I’ve
skills on several occasions but I’ve
skills on several occasions but I’ve never apologized for it
never apologized for it
never apologized for it and I don’t need to which is why people
and I don’t need to which is why people
and I don’t need to which is why people can’t make me feel embarrassed about it
can’t make me feel embarrassed about it
can’t make me feel embarrassed about it laugh at yourself or whatever you did
laugh at yourself or whatever you did
laugh at yourself or whatever you did when you laugh at your own mistakes
when you laugh at your own mistakes
when you laugh at your own mistakes it changes the situation from one of
it changes the situation from one of
it changes the situation from one of people laughing at you – people laughing
people laughing at you – people laughing
people laughing at you – people laughing with you many of you might be familiar
with you many of you might be familiar
with you many of you might be familiar with Jennifer Lawrence’s fall at the
with Jennifer Lawrence’s fall at the
with Jennifer Lawrence’s fall at the 2013 Oscars but she went up on stage to
2013 Oscars but she went up on stage to
2013 Oscars but she went up on stage to collect a Best Actress Award she just
collect a Best Actress Award she just
collect a Best Actress Award she just loved it off and I feel
loved it off and I feel
loved it off and I feel like it made the situation far less
like it made the situation far less
like it made the situation far less embarrassing for her visit past
embarrassing for her visit past
embarrassing for her visit past embarrassments such recollections have
embarrassments such recollections have
embarrassments such recollections have you realized that the situation is never
you realized that the situation is never
you realized that the situation is never as bad as it seems at that moment I find
as bad as it seems at that moment I find
as bad as it seems at that moment I find myself cringing every once in a while
myself cringing every once in a while
myself cringing every once in a while when I realized the embarrassing things
when I realized the embarrassing things
when I realized the embarrassing things that I have done over the years and
that I have done over the years and
that I have done over the years and wondering what was I thinking when I did
wondering what was I thinking when I did
wondering what was I thinking when I did that but the one thing that I’ve noticed
that but the one thing that I’ve noticed
that but the one thing that I’ve noticed is I was far more embarrassed than I
is I was far more embarrassed than I
is I was far more embarrassed than I needed to be and most importantly
needed to be and most importantly
needed to be and most importantly realize that others aren’t nearly as
realize that others aren’t nearly as
realize that others aren’t nearly as critical of you as you are of yourself
critical of you as you are of yourself
critical of you as you are of yourself you may remember an embarrassing
you may remember an embarrassing
you may remember an embarrassing incident of yours for weeks months maybe
incident of yours for weeks months maybe
incident of yours for weeks months maybe even years but others will forget it in
even years but others will forget it in
even years but others will forget it in mere days now I experienced this
mere days now I experienced this
mere days now I experienced this firsthand recently when I asked them of
firsthand recently when I asked them of
firsthand recently when I asked them of my friends to help me recollect some
my friends to help me recollect some
my friends to help me recollect some embarrassing incidents of mine because I
embarrassing incidents of mine because I
embarrassing incidents of mine because I wanted to share them with with you today
wanted to share them with with you today
wanted to share them with with you today and the one thing that surprised me was
and the one thing that surprised me was
and the one thing that surprised me was that they did not remember any now this
that they did not remember any now this
that they did not remember any now this was specially intriguing because they
was specially intriguing because they
was specially intriguing because they did agree with me when I said I
did agree with me when I said I
did agree with me when I said I embarrass myself
embarrass myself
embarrass myself they just didn’t remember any incidents
they just didn’t remember any incidents
they just didn’t remember any incidents we all know that in theory but we fail
we all know that in theory but we fail
we all know that in theory but we fail to realize it embarrassment is a mere
to realize it embarrassment is a mere
to realize it embarrassment is a mere illusion born out of our need to meet
illusion born out of our need to meet
illusion born out of our need to meet the expectations of our peers but we
the expectations of our peers but we
the expectations of our peers but we don’t need to meet those expectations
don’t need to meet those expectations
don’t need to meet those expectations especially not if we lose out on our
especially not if we lose out on our
especially not if we lose out on our confidence or our will and ability to
confidence or our will and ability to
confidence or our will and ability to try new things as a result which is why
try new things as a result which is why
try new things as a result which is why I hope that you won’t let it stop you
I hope that you won’t let it stop you
I hope that you won’t let it stop you from doing new things and who knows
from doing new things and who knows
from doing new things and who knows maybe in the process of doing so you
maybe in the process of doing so you
maybe in the process of doing so you might learn to enjoy yourself just a
might learn to enjoy yourself just a
might learn to enjoy yourself just a little bit more thank you
”
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