as long as I can remember I’ve always been fascinated by Big Ideas sort of
been fascinated by Big Ideas sort of
been fascinated by Big Ideas sort of mystical stuff like why are we here
mystical stuff like why are we here
mystical stuff like why are we here what’s my purpose in life where do we go
what’s my purpose in life where do we go
what’s my purpose in life where do we go when we die
when we die
when we die things like that now I’m still thinking
things like that now I’m still thinking
things like that now I’m still thinking about those things and as a student of
about those things and as a student of
about those things and as a student of Buddhism
Buddhism
Buddhism sometimes I’m around people who give me
sometimes I’m around people who give me
sometimes I’m around people who give me some clues I was at a talk recently and
some clues I was at a talk recently and
some clues I was at a talk recently and one of the teachers was talking about
one of the teachers was talking about
one of the teachers was talking about the the suffering the root of all
the the suffering the root of all
the the suffering the root of all suffering which is attachment grasping
suffering which is attachment grasping
suffering which is attachment grasping now just as an illustration of this I
now just as an illustration of this I
now just as an illustration of this I look at my cell phone like many many
look at my cell phone like many many
look at my cell phone like many many many times a day and I read research
many times a day and I read research
many times a day and I read research recently that says that you know we’re
recently that says that you know we’re
recently that says that you know we’re looking at our cell phones over a
looking at our cell phones over a
looking at our cell phones over a hundred times a day
hundred times a day
hundred times a day no since I’ve read that I think about it
no since I’ve read that I think about it
no since I’ve read that I think about it now when I look at my cell phone
now when I look at my cell phone
now when I look at my cell phone sometimes I’m really looking for an
sometimes I’m really looking for an
sometimes I’m really looking for an answer to a question that I asked or a
answer to a question that I asked or a
answer to a question that I asked or a response most of the time I’m escaping
response most of the time I’m escaping
response most of the time I’m escaping from something what is it that I’m
from something what is it that I’m
from something what is it that I’m escaping from is that that awkward
escaping from is that that awkward
escaping from is that that awkward silence when you’re in a room and no
silence when you’re in a room and no
silence when you’re in a room and no one’s talking is it that void inside
one’s talking is it that void inside
one’s talking is it that void inside well my teacher says that what we’re
well my teacher says that what we’re
well my teacher says that what we’re escaping from is the fear of being alone
escaping from is the fear of being alone
escaping from is the fear of being alone and ultimately the fear of death so
and ultimately the fear of death so
and ultimately the fear of death so that’s something to really think about
that’s something to really think about
that’s something to really think about when you go to look at your cell phone
when you go to look at your cell phone
when you go to look at your cell phone now now death is something that was part
now now death is something that was part
now now death is something that was part of everyday life until a few generations
of everyday life until a few generations
of everyday life until a few generations ago even in my grandmother’s day in this
ago even in my grandmother’s day in this
ago even in my grandmother’s day in this culture it’s really changed now death is
culture it’s really changed now death is
culture it’s really changed now death is not something that we see on a
not something that we see on a
not something that we see on a day-to-day basis for the most part it’s
day-to-day basis for the most part it’s
day-to-day basis for the most part it’s removed its medicalised we have our
removed its medicalised we have our
removed its medicalised we have our elders move into a long-term care
elders move into a long-term care
elders move into a long-term care facility or a nursing home where they
facility or a nursing home where they
facility or a nursing home where they pass away peacefully and we never see
pass away peacefully and we never see
pass away peacefully and we never see them again
them again
them again or there’s a medical emergency or rushed
or there’s a medical emergency or rushed
or there’s a medical emergency or rushed to the hospital all kinds of medical
to the hospital all kinds of medical
to the hospital all kinds of medical procedures are done last-ditch efforts
procedures are done last-ditch efforts
procedures are done last-ditch efforts to save your life now the medical
to save your life now the medical
to save your life now the medical establishment is trained to do that
establishment is trained to do that
establishment is trained to do that doctors nurses they’re trained to save
doctors nurses they’re trained to save
doctors nurses they’re trained to save lives
lives
lives but people 75% of people interviewed
but people 75% of people interviewed
but people 75% of people interviewed have said that they would prefer to die
have said that they would prefer to die
have said that they would prefer to die at home only 25% of people actually get
at home only 25% of people actually get
at home only 25% of people actually get to die at home so how can we change that
to die at home so how can we change that
to die at home so how can we change that because death is not part of everyday
because death is not part of everyday
because death is not part of everyday life anymore we don’t talk about it
life anymore we don’t talk about it
life anymore we don’t talk about it doctors are not trained to talk about it
doctors are not trained to talk about it
doctors are not trained to talk about it they’re trained to save lives because
they’re trained to save lives because
they’re trained to save lives because it’s removed from us it’s become a
it’s removed from us it’s become a
it’s removed from us it’s become a stigma let’s face it when you saw that
stigma let’s face it when you saw that
stigma let’s face it when you saw that there was to talk about death on the
there was to talk about death on the
there was to talk about death on the program today you probably wanted to run
program today you probably wanted to run
program today you probably wanted to run out the door and say well I guess I’ll I
out the door and say well I guess I’ll I
out the door and say well I guess I’ll I can I can skip that one we don’t talk
can I can skip that one we don’t talk
can I can skip that one we don’t talk about it because we’re afraid of it now
about it because we’re afraid of it now
about it because we’re afraid of it now song young Rumpy Shea he is a Tibetan
song young Rumpy Shea he is a Tibetan
song young Rumpy Shea he is a Tibetan monk and he wrote the book the Tibetan
monk and he wrote the book the Tibetan
monk and he wrote the book the Tibetan book of living and dying sorry he says
book of living and dying sorry he says
book of living and dying sorry he says imagine how things could be if we would
imagine how things could be if we would
imagine how things could be if we would live our lives infused with the sacred
live our lives infused with the sacred
live our lives infused with the sacred meaning if our end-of-life care were
meaning if our end-of-life care were
meaning if our end-of-life care were always lit by the sense of awe in the
always lit by the sense of awe in the
always lit by the sense of awe in the face of death so think about that if our
face of death so think about that if our
face of death so think about that if our end-of-life care were infused with a
end-of-life care were infused with a
end-of-life care were infused with a sense of awe and if we looked at life in
sense of awe and if we looked at life in
sense of awe and if we looked at life in death as an inseparable whole so the
death as an inseparable whole so the
death as an inseparable whole so the death is just really part of living it’s
death is just really part of living it’s
death is just really part of living it’s something that we all do and if we
something that we all do and if we
something that we all do and if we sought to make love and compassion
sought to make love and compassion
sought to make love and compassion really the measure of our every act what
really the measure of our every act what
really the measure of our every act what a revolution that would be and that we
a revolution that would be and that we
a revolution that would be and that we would all be free we would be free to
would all be free we would be free to
would all be free we would be free to discover our birthright I do believe and
discover our birthright I do believe and
discover our birthright I do believe and I my it’s my hope in my my dream is that
I my it’s my hope in my my dream is that
I my it’s my hope in my my dream is that all people have the right to die with
all people have the right to die with
all people have the right to die with dignity
dignity
dignity where they want to be with the people
where they want to be with the people
where they want to be with the people they want to be in unafraid so as a end
they want to be in unafraid so as a end
they want to be in unafraid so as a end of life doula and if you’re not familiar
of life doula and if you’re not familiar
of life doula and if you’re not familiar with that term it comes from the ancient
with that term it comes from the ancient
with that term it comes from the ancient Greek it’s been around a long long time
Greek it’s been around a long long time
Greek it’s been around a long long time it means a woman who helps another woman
it means a woman who helps another woman
it means a woman who helps another woman through childbirth and delivery and
through childbirth and delivery and
through childbirth and delivery and provides care for the family the mother
provides care for the family the mother
provides care for the family the mother and the infant after birth it’s
and the infant after birth it’s
and the infant after birth it’s interesting that we’re now using this
interesting that we’re now using this
interesting that we’re now using this same term that we used to have
same term that we used to have
same term that we used to have ah sure in life we’re using it at the
ah sure in life we’re using it at the
ah sure in life we’re using it at the end of life as well a end of life doula
end of life as well a end of life doula
end of life as well a end of life doula is someone who helps bring somebody and
is someone who helps bring somebody and
is someone who helps bring somebody and helps comfort somebody and provide care
helps comfort somebody and provide care
helps comfort somebody and provide care at the end of their life the Dalai Lama
at the end of their life the Dalai Lama
at the end of their life the Dalai Lama says that as a newborn baby we’re all
says that as a newborn baby we’re all
says that as a newborn baby we’re all helpless and without the care that we
helpless and without the care that we
helpless and without the care that we receive we wouldn’t have survived so
receive we wouldn’t have survived so
receive we wouldn’t have survived so likewise people at the end of their
likewise people at the end of their
likewise people at the end of their lives we become fairly helpless and need
lives we become fairly helpless and need
lives we become fairly helpless and need care and he says that this is one of the
care and he says that this is one of the
care and he says that this is one of the most important things that we can do is
most important things that we can do is
most important things that we can do is to relieve people from discomfort and
to relieve people from discomfort and
to relieve people from discomfort and anxiety and to assist them and that
anxiety and to assist them and that
anxiety and to assist them and that really our prime aim in helping a dying
really our prime aim in helping a dying
really our prime aim in helping a dying person is to put them at ease I have a
person is to put them at ease I have a
person is to put them at ease I have a couple of stories about the work that
couple of stories about the work that
couple of stories about the work that I’ve been doing as a mic there’s no
I’ve been doing as a mic there’s no
I’ve been doing as a mic there’s no thank you as an end of life doula I was
thank you as an end of life doula I was
thank you as an end of life doula I was sitting with a woman once caring for her
sitting with a woman once caring for her
sitting with a woman once caring for her I’d been working with her for a body
I’d been working with her for a body
I’d been working with her for a body about a year and she was getting towards
about a year and she was getting towards
about a year and she was getting towards the end of her life and she said I feel
the end of her life and she said I feel
the end of her life and she said I feel very safe with you well I was really
very safe with you well I was really
very safe with you well I was really flattered that she told me that and I
flattered that she told me that and I
flattered that she told me that and I got to thinking about this woman she was
got to thinking about this woman she was
got to thinking about this woman she was very demanding very exacting she wanted
very demanding very exacting she wanted
very demanding very exacting she wanted things a certain way she would tell you
things a certain way she would tell you
things a certain way she would tell you over and over and over how she wanted
over and over and over how she wanted
over and over and over how she wanted that and she was a little bit grumpy
that and she was a little bit grumpy
that and she was a little bit grumpy about it she could be very critical with
about it she could be very critical with
about it she could be very critical with the people around her in her life well
the people around her in her life well
the people around her in her life well this didn’t bother me because I’m
this didn’t bother me because I’m
this didn’t bother me because I’m somebody I like things a certain way and
somebody I like things a certain way and
somebody I like things a certain way and when I get to a certain point in my life
when I get to a certain point in my life
when I get to a certain point in my life when I can’t do those things it might
when I can’t do those things it might
when I can’t do those things it might not be that happy about it so I get it
not be that happy about it so I get it
not be that happy about it so I get it and she got that I got it and she felt
and she got that I got it and she felt
and she got that I got it and she felt safe with me but I think also because
safe with me but I think also because
safe with me but I think also because she was nearing the end of her life and
she was nearing the end of her life and
she was nearing the end of her life and she was becoming weaker she knew she
she was becoming weaker she knew she
she was becoming weaker she knew she needed someone to be there for her and I
needed someone to be there for her and I
needed someone to be there for her and I realized that this was a very very
realized that this was a very very
realized that this was a very very independent woman she had raised the
independent woman she had raised the
independent woman she had raised the daughter on her own she had been a
daughter on her own she had been a
daughter on her own she had been a career woman and she didn’t feel
career woman and she didn’t feel
career woman and she didn’t feel supported she just didn’t feel like
supported she just didn’t feel like
supported she just didn’t feel like there was someone there who could really
there was someone there who could really
there was someone there who could really take care of her
take care of her
take care of her and she asked me to be around her more
and she asked me to be around her more
and she asked me to be around her more as she felt herself getting weaker and
as she felt herself getting weaker and
as she felt herself getting weaker and she was going to need more care which
she was going to need more care which
she was going to need more care which was really terrifying to somebody who’s
was really terrifying to somebody who’s
was really terrifying to somebody who’s always taking care of themselves so
always taking care of themselves so
always taking care of themselves so that’s one
that’s one
that’s one area that I feel I can be of help I can
area that I feel I can be of help I can
area that I feel I can be of help I can provide comfort to somebody who’s
provide comfort to somebody who’s
provide comfort to somebody who’s nearing the end of their life and help
nearing the end of their life and help
nearing the end of their life and help that person guide that person just like
that person guide that person just like
that person guide that person just like a midwife guides a woman through the
a midwife guides a woman through the
a midwife guides a woman through the birth process I can help guide somebody
birth process I can help guide somebody
birth process I can help guide somebody and help somebody
and help somebody
and help somebody the unafraid at the end of their life
the unafraid at the end of their life
the unafraid at the end of their life I’ve had some amazing experiences in
I’ve had some amazing experiences in
I’ve had some amazing experiences in this work I’m sorry I wanted to tell you
this work I’m sorry I wanted to tell you
this work I’m sorry I wanted to tell you about what it has been like for us now
about what it has been like for us now
about what it has been like for us now where people die a way out of view in
where people die a way out of view in
where people die a way out of view in hospitals or maybe even hooked up to
hospitals or maybe even hooked up to
hospitals or maybe even hooked up to machines having medical procedures but I
machines having medical procedures but I
machines having medical procedures but I want you to imagine what it would be
want you to imagine what it would be
want you to imagine what it would be like if we had this scenario a woman I
like if we had this scenario a woman I
like if we had this scenario a woman I knew was at the end of a terminal
knew was at the end of a terminal
knew was at the end of a terminal disease she decided on her own with the
disease she decided on her own with the
disease she decided on her own with the help of her healthcare practitioners
help of her healthcare practitioners
help of her healthcare practitioners that she was going to have no more
that she was going to have no more
that she was going to have no more treatment and just go home and die in
treatment and just go home and die in
treatment and just go home and die in the presence of her loved ones and the
the presence of her loved ones and the
the presence of her loved ones and the home she loved with her pets that she
home she loved with her pets that she
home she loved with her pets that she loved and she moved into the little
loved and she moved into the little
loved and she moved into the little house that she had built in her backyard
house that she had built in her backyard
house that she had built in her backyard it was surrounded by woods there was a
it was surrounded by woods there was a
it was surrounded by woods there was a little stream in the back it was really
little stream in the back it was really
little stream in the back it was really kind of perfect she had a art studio and
kind of perfect she had a art studio and
kind of perfect she had a art studio and a kitchenette she had everything she
a kitchenette she had everything she
a kitchenette she had everything she needed right there she was also a very
needed right there she was also a very
needed right there she was also a very independent woman and had always done
independent woman and had always done
independent woman and had always done things on her own and never needed help
things on her own and never needed help
things on her own and never needed help when she got towards the end of her life
when she got towards the end of her life
when she got towards the end of her life her family became aware that she was
her family became aware that she was
her family became aware that she was going to need help and they didn’t want
going to need help and they didn’t want
going to need help and they didn’t want to be care providers they wanted to be
to be care providers they wanted to be
to be care providers they wanted to be able to be the emotional support after
able to be the emotional support after
able to be the emotional support after all they were going through their own
all they were going through their own
all they were going through their own grief in their own loss they were
grief in their own loss they were
grief in their own loss they were experiencing that they were gonna lose
experiencing that they were gonna lose
experiencing that they were gonna lose this very beloved woman so that’s where
this very beloved woman so that’s where
this very beloved woman so that’s where I came in now she had friends come and
I came in now she had friends come and
I came in now she had friends come and visit but when she was tired they would
visit but when she was tired they would
visit but when she was tired they would go to the main house she had her little
go to the main house she had her little
go to the main house she had her little little cute little house in the back we
little cute little house in the back we
little cute little house in the back we had birds singing we had people would
had birds singing we had people would
had birds singing we had people would come and play music out the
come and play music out the
come and play music out the a window there’s a little little pond
a window there’s a little little pond
a window there’s a little little pond and a fountain it was just it was really
and a fountain it was just it was really
and a fountain it was just it was really beautiful
beautiful
beautiful and at the very end she had chosen to be
and at the very end she had chosen to be
and at the very end she had chosen to be with her sister and she took her last
with her sister and she took her last
with her sister and she took her last breath peaceful she had resolved all the
breath peaceful she had resolved all the
breath peaceful she had resolved all the things that she had had to think about
things that she had had to think about
things that she had had to think about her family knew and her wishes were
her family knew and her wishes were
her family knew and her wishes were there were no issues that came up
there were no issues that came up
there were no issues that came up oftentimes there’s a movement right now
oftentimes there’s a movement right now
oftentimes there’s a movement right now a movement that’s changing the way
a movement that’s changing the way
a movement that’s changing the way people have experienced death it’s
people have experienced death it’s
people have experienced death it’s called death over dinner and I encourage
called death over dinner and I encourage
called death over dinner and I encourage you to just look it up it’s there’s TED
you to just look it up it’s there’s TED
you to just look it up it’s there’s TED talks and there’s a website it helps
talks and there’s a website it helps
talks and there’s a website it helps people talk about death we don’t talk
people talk about death we don’t talk
people talk about death we don’t talk about it because it’s become so
about it because it’s become so
about it because it’s become so stigmatized and removed from everyday
stigmatized and removed from everyday
stigmatized and removed from everyday life this movement helps you sit with
life this movement helps you sit with
life this movement helps you sit with your loved ones over dinner and talk
your loved ones over dinner and talk
your loved ones over dinner and talk about you know have them do you have a
about you know have them do you have a
about you know have them do you have a Medical proxy do you have somebody in
Medical proxy do you have somebody in
Medical proxy do you have somebody in your life who knows your wishes at the
your life who knows your wishes at the
your life who knows your wishes at the end of your life if you can’t make
end of your life if you can’t make
end of your life if you can’t make decisions and they’ll make them for you
decisions and they’ll make them for you
decisions and they’ll make them for you these are all really critical things
these are all really critical things
these are all really critical things having your assets and your have you
having your assets and your have you
having your assets and your have you done a will have you had these
done a will have you had these
done a will have you had these conversations with the people in your
conversations with the people in your
conversations with the people in your life about what you would like what you
life about what you would like what you
life about what you would like what you would not like in terms of medical
would not like in terms of medical
would not like in terms of medical intervention at the end so this woman
intervention at the end so this woman
intervention at the end so this woman had had all of those conversations
had had all of those conversations
had had all of those conversations already she was ready and she slipped
already she was ready and she slipped
already she was ready and she slipped away very peacefully another thing that
away very peacefully another thing that
away very peacefully another thing that happened to me that was pretty amazing
happened to me that was pretty amazing
happened to me that was pretty amazing with this same woman towards the end a
with this same woman towards the end a
with this same woman towards the end a couple of days before she finally passed
couple of days before she finally passed
couple of days before she finally passed away I was up in her room with her at
away I was up in her room with her at
away I was up in her room with her at night at this point she felt she wanted
night at this point she felt she wanted
night at this point she felt she wanted somebody close by in case she needed
somebody close by in case she needed
somebody close by in case she needed something during the night and that’s
something during the night and that’s
something during the night and that’s one of the things I can do besides
one of the things I can do besides
one of the things I can do besides providing comfort I can make sure that
providing comfort I can make sure that
providing comfort I can make sure that you’re not in pain I can make sure that
you’re not in pain I can make sure that
you’re not in pain I can make sure that your pillows are plumped if somebody
your pillows are plumped if somebody
your pillows are plumped if somebody needs to use the bathroom or needs to be
needs to use the bathroom or needs to be
needs to use the bathroom or needs to be washed I can do that so during the night
washed I can do that so during the night
washed I can do that so during the night she sat up in bed and said oh who are
she sat up in bed and said oh who are
she sat up in bed and said oh who are these people here and I she was sounded
these people here and I she was sounded
these people here and I she was sounded really delighted that she was being
really delighted that she was being
really delighted that she was being visited now I’ve heard people on the
visited now I’ve heard people on the
visited now I’ve heard people on the brink of death
brink of death
brink of death visits from people that they love people
visits from people that they love people
visits from people that they love people that have passed on before but this was
that have passed on before but this was
that have passed on before but this was a little bit different because she said
a little bit different because she said
a little bit different because she said your family’s here this is your family
your family’s here this is your family
your family’s here this is your family and they’re so happy and they’re so
and they’re so happy and they’re so
and they’re so happy and they’re so delighted and I asked her to describe
delighted and I asked her to describe
delighted and I asked her to describe who was here and it was my partner from
who was here and it was my partner from
who was here and it was my partner from who had died 21 years ago and he was
who had died 21 years ago and he was
who had died 21 years ago and he was there in the room according to her with
there in the room according to her with
there in the room according to her with my children the way they looked 21 years
my children the way they looked 21 years
my children the way they looked 21 years ago my children are adults now and she
ago my children are adults now and she
ago my children are adults now and she said he’s such a gentle man and he’s so
said he’s such a gentle man and he’s so
said he’s such a gentle man and he’s so happy and he’s so peaceful and it just
happy and he’s so peaceful and it just
happy and he’s so peaceful and it just gave me this amazing chill we both had
gave me this amazing chill we both had
gave me this amazing chill we both had tears in her eyes that she was able to
tears in her eyes that she was able to
tears in her eyes that she was able to see through this permeable door between
see through this permeable door between
see through this permeable door between the worlds it was there it gave me such
the worlds it was there it gave me such
the worlds it was there it gave me such hope because at that time I had been
hope because at that time I had been
hope because at that time I had been asking myself more and more I’ve been
asking myself more and more I’ve been
asking myself more and more I’ve been working with people who are whore dying
working with people who are whore dying
working with people who are whore dying and I wondered to myself is this the
and I wondered to myself is this the
and I wondered to myself is this the work I should be doing am I in the right
work I should be doing am I in the right
work I should be doing am I in the right place here this is not exactly what I
place here this is not exactly what I
place here this is not exactly what I thought I’d be doing at this time in my
thought I’d be doing at this time in my
thought I’d be doing at this time in my life and here was an answer to my
life and here was an answer to my
life and here was an answer to my question I’m in the right place if I’m
question I’m in the right place if I’m
question I’m in the right place if I’m able to provide comfort and care for
able to provide comfort and care for
able to provide comfort and care for someone who’s in that place accompany
someone who’s in that place accompany
someone who’s in that place accompany them to the door I cannot go through the
them to the door I cannot go through the
them to the door I cannot go through the door with them we’re all going to die
door with them we’re all going to die
door with them we’re all going to die we’re all going to be alone when we die
we’re all going to be alone when we die
we’re all going to be alone when we die but hopefully we can provide comfort and
but hopefully we can provide comfort and
but hopefully we can provide comfort and care for people who are in that place so
care for people who are in that place so
care for people who are in that place so they can be unafraid so they can be
they can be unafraid so they can be
they can be unafraid so they can be comforted so they can be at peace when
comforted so they can be at peace when
comforted so they can be at peace when they die thank you so much for being
they die thank you so much for being
they die thank you so much for being here today I hope I’ve given you
here today I hope I’ve given you
here today I hope I’ve given you something to think about
something to think about
something to think about thank you
thank you
thank you [Applause]
”
Be First to Comment