I lived in Dubai for the last four years one of the most fascinating things that
one of the most fascinating things that
one of the most fascinating things that I’ve seen here and not in any of the
I’ve seen here and not in any of the
I’ve seen here and not in any of the places I lived in before is the
places I lived in before is the
places I lived in before is the frequency level at which roads keep
frequency level at which roads keep
frequency level at which roads keep changing so show hands how many of you
changing so show hands how many of you
changing so show hands how many of you thought you were taking the usual road
thought you were taking the usual road
thought you were taking the usual road to only find yourself at the dead end or
to only find yourself at the dead end or
to only find yourself at the dead end or to cross road know it which direction
to cross road know it which direction
to cross road know it which direction will take you through destination yeah I
will take you through destination yeah I
will take you through destination yeah I would like to see that I’m not the only
would like to see that I’m not the only
would like to see that I’m not the only one here however I am not here to speak
one here however I am not here to speak
one here however I am not here to speak about the work of the road and Transport
about the work of the road and Transport
about the work of the road and Transport Authority the kind of cross road I’m
Authority the kind of cross road I’m
Authority the kind of cross road I’m referring to is the one that we keep
referring to is the one that we keep
referring to is the one that we keep facing as we cruise through our life
facing as we cruise through our life
facing as we cruise through our life journey I’m sure that most of you if not
journey I’m sure that most of you if not
journey I’m sure that most of you if not all have at least once once in your life
all have at least once once in your life
all have at least once once in your life found yourself at that life junction
found yourself at that life junction
found yourself at that life junction where you had to make a decision or a
where you had to make a decision or a
where you had to make a decision or a choice about the next direction so my
choice about the next direction so my
choice about the next direction so my question to you is how did you go about
question to you is how did you go about
question to you is how did you go about making that choice I want you to take
making that choice I want you to take
making that choice I want you to take five seconds five seconds think of a
five seconds five seconds think of a
five seconds five seconds think of a recent decision you made and ask
recent decision you made and ask
recent decision you made and ask yourself how did you make it well let me
yourself how did you make it well let me
yourself how did you make it well let me take you through my journey of decision
take you through my journey of decision
take you through my journey of decision making I’m one of five sisters yes
making I’m one of five sisters yes
making I’m one of five sisters yes five girls no boys and my dad is a happy
five girls no boys and my dad is a happy
five girls no boys and my dad is a happy man yeah that’s what he says growing up
man yeah that’s what he says growing up
man yeah that’s what he says growing up people used to say that I’m smart and
people used to say that I’m smart and
people used to say that I’m smart and dependent strong headed girl that would
dependent strong headed girl that would
dependent strong headed girl that would be going places I lived my life trying
be going places I lived my life trying
be going places I lived my life trying to live up to that image the image that
to live up to that image the image that
to live up to that image the image that society family and friends had of me I
society family and friends had of me I
society family and friends had of me I went to university to please my parents
went to university to please my parents
went to university to please my parents I started my career working on rich
I started my career working on rich
I started my career working on rich sites just to prove that girls and women
sites just to prove that girls and women
sites just to prove that girls and women can do it can work on websites not an
can do it can work on websites not an
can do it can work on websites not an issue
issue
issue I’m saving jobs longer than I need to or
I’m saving jobs longer than I need to or
I’m saving jobs longer than I need to or had to only to prove to people or not to
had to only to prove to people or not to
had to only to prove to people or not to be
be
be actually a failure and I buried myself
actually a failure and I buried myself
actually a failure and I buried myself at work and continues travel only to
at work and continues travel only to
at work and continues travel only to avoid the question and mal when are you
avoid the question and mal when are you
avoid the question and mal when are you planning to have kids and the list goes
planning to have kids and the list goes
planning to have kids and the list goes on and on and on and on this kind of
on and on and on and on this kind of
on and on and on and on this kind of behavior continue to guide my life
behavior continue to guide my life
behavior continue to guide my life choices until when at the top of my game
choices until when at the top of my game
choices until when at the top of my game with an extremely successful career a
with an extremely successful career a
with an extremely successful career a loving caring husband and family a
loving caring husband and family a
loving caring husband and family a growing business the ball dropped I hit
growing business the ball dropped I hit
growing business the ball dropped I hit the wall I found myself at dead-end
the wall I found myself at dead-end
the wall I found myself at dead-end we need no clear direction not even a
we need no clear direction not even a
we need no clear direction not even a hint for the next move for the first
hint for the next move for the first
hint for the next move for the first time for the first time in my life I
time for the first time in my life I
time for the first time in my life I experienced an inexplicable helplessness
experienced an inexplicable helplessness
experienced an inexplicable helplessness I was no longer in control of my life
for weeks and months I sell myself
for weeks and months I sell myself crying crying no stop and I didn’t know
crying crying no stop and I didn’t know
crying crying no stop and I didn’t know why I was crying for all I knew is I
why I was crying for all I knew is I
why I was crying for all I knew is I couldn’t stop myself from crying I so
couldn’t stop myself from crying I so
couldn’t stop myself from crying I so the doubt actually settling in into my
the doubt actually settling in into my
the doubt actually settling in into my life decision that used to take me
life decision that used to take me
life decision that used to take me seconds to make in the office we’re now
seconds to make in the office we’re now
seconds to make in the office we’re now taking me days weeks and if only if only
taking me days weeks and if only if only
taking me days weeks and if only if only I was to pull the plug I so my voice my
I was to pull the plug I so my voice my
I was to pull the plug I so my voice my strong very assertive voice disappearing
strong very assertive voice disappearing
strong very assertive voice disappearing on me
my self confidence my self-esteem
my self confidence my self-esteem dropped and I didn’t know what was wrong
dropped and I didn’t know what was wrong
dropped and I didn’t know what was wrong with me I know I was scared I was
with me I know I was scared I was
with me I know I was scared I was actually scared terrified to share it a
actually scared terrified to share it a
actually scared terrified to share it a couple of months later I was diagnosed I
couple of months later I was diagnosed I
couple of months later I was diagnosed I was diagnosed with clinical depression
was diagnosed with clinical depression
was diagnosed with clinical depression yes
yes
yes clinical depression or what people
clinical depression or what people
clinical depression or what people around me prefer to call a burnout and
around me prefer to call a burnout and
around me prefer to call a burnout and oh boy what a relief to hear that at
oh boy what a relief to hear that at
oh boy what a relief to hear that at least now I knew what was wrong with me
least now I knew what was wrong with me
least now I knew what was wrong with me I knew why I was crying I knew what was
I knew why I was crying I knew what was
I knew why I was crying I knew what was happening to me and I could do something
happening to me and I could do something
happening to me and I could do something about it that’s what I thought my
about it that’s what I thought my
about it that’s what I thought my husband my parents and my sisters told
husband my parents and my sisters told
husband my parents and my sisters told me it’s a matter of a couple of weeks
me it’s a matter of a couple of weeks
me it’s a matter of a couple of weeks her mouth and he would snap out of it no
her mouth and he would snap out of it no
her mouth and he would snap out of it no in your mouth you would be no problem
in your mouth you would be no problem
in your mouth you would be no problem just take the tablet and you’ll be fine
just take the tablet and you’ll be fine
just take the tablet and you’ll be fine and I thought yes I would be fine couple
and I thought yes I would be fine couple
and I thought yes I would be fine couple of weeks I wish a couple of months it
of weeks I wish a couple of months it
of weeks I wish a couple of months it would have been great
would have been great
would have been great try two years two full years of hell two
try two years two full years of hell two
try two years two full years of hell two years were a simple task such as getting
years were a simple task such as getting
years were a simple task such as getting out of bed and getting ready for a 9:00
out of bed and getting ready for a 9:00
out of bed and getting ready for a 9:00 o’clock meeting was a chore
o’clock meeting was a chore
o’clock meeting was a chore things that used to bring me pleasure
things that used to bring me pleasure
things that used to bring me pleasure and joy such as listening to music
and joy such as listening to music
and joy such as listening to music meeting friends socializing going to
meeting friends socializing going to
meeting friends socializing going to theater dancing were an absolute
theater dancing were an absolute
theater dancing were an absolute nuisance I was scared I was terrified
nuisance I was scared I was terrified
nuisance I was scared I was terrified mortified and I kept asking myself where
mortified and I kept asking myself where
mortified and I kept asking myself where did I go wrong why did this happen to me
did I go wrong why did this happen to me
did I go wrong why did this happen to me why me and why now
why me and why now
why me and why now in particular I was so angry I was angry
in particular I was so angry I was angry
in particular I was so angry I was angry at myself for not being able to fix
at myself for not being able to fix
at myself for not being able to fix myself I was angry at my husband because
myself I was angry at my husband because
myself I was angry at my husband because he couldn’t help me heal I was angry at
he couldn’t help me heal I was angry at
he couldn’t help me heal I was angry at my parents because they didn’t prepare
my parents because they didn’t prepare
my parents because they didn’t prepare me for this Junction I was angry I
me for this Junction I was angry I
me for this Junction I was angry I at the world producing me to the person
at the world producing me to the person
at the world producing me to the person I became
all I wanted at that time is to feel
all I wanted at that time is to feel alive that’s all I wanted is to feel joy
alive that’s all I wanted is to feel joy
alive that’s all I wanted is to feel joy to feel happy again and when I thought
to feel happy again and when I thought
to feel happy again and when I thought about it I got even more scared scared
about it I got even more scared scared
about it I got even more scared scared to know not know how to be happy again I
to know not know how to be happy again I
to know not know how to be happy again I was so ashamed to tell people what was
was so ashamed to tell people what was
was so ashamed to tell people what was wrong with me and what was going on with
wrong with me and what was going on with
wrong with me and what was going on with me
me
me that I buried myself and I stayed
that I buried myself and I stayed
that I buried myself and I stayed prisoner of my house for months for the
prisoner of my house for months for the
prisoner of my house for months for the first time in my life I understood the
first time in my life I understood the
first time in my life I understood the true meaning of the f-word fear fear
true meaning of the f-word fear fear
true meaning of the f-word fear fear with a big capital F I realized that all
with a big capital F I realized that all
with a big capital F I realized that all choices that I made until then were
choices that I made until then were
choices that I made until then were driven by fear fear to lose face free to
driven by fear fear to lose face free to
driven by fear fear to lose face free to disappoint loved ones fear not to be
disappoint loved ones fear not to be
disappoint loved ones fear not to be there and most importantly it was the
there and most importantly it was the
there and most importantly it was the fear to not live up to the labels and
fear to not live up to the labels and
fear to not live up to the labels and the persona I created for myself and I’m
the persona I created for myself and I’m
the persona I created for myself and I’m sure that we all have labels to live up
sure that we all have labels to live up
sure that we all have labels to live up to let me tell you a little bit about
to let me tell you a little bit about
to let me tell you a little bit about the labels I had of myself strong and
the labels I had of myself strong and
the labels I had of myself strong and dependent tomboy
dependent tomboy
dependent tomboy those were my labels growing up as a kid
those were my labels growing up as a kid
those were my labels growing up as a kid and they were the ones I built my entire
and they were the ones I built my entire
and they were the ones I built my entire adulthood around strong sin animus of no
adulthood around strong sin animus of no
adulthood around strong sin animus of no space for emotions now time to be
space for emotions now time to be
space for emotions now time to be vulnerable ruthless and dependent I can
vulnerable ruthless and dependent I can
vulnerable ruthless and dependent I can take care of myself I don’t need anybody
take care of myself I don’t need anybody
take care of myself I don’t need anybody I’m invincible tomboy oh boy
I’m invincible tomboy oh boy
I’m invincible tomboy oh boy don’t go there I can’t be feminine no
don’t go there I can’t be feminine no
don’t go there I can’t be feminine no dresses in my wardrobe so now high heel
dresses in my wardrobe so now high heel
dresses in my wardrobe so now high heel no makeup nothing absolutely nothing
no makeup nothing absolutely nothing
no makeup nothing absolutely nothing that will make me look or feel or even
that will make me look or feel or even
that will make me look or feel or even identify with the weaker sex how sad is
identify with the weaker sex how sad is
identify with the weaker sex how sad is that I allowed fewer adjectives to
that I allowed fewer adjectives to
that I allowed fewer adjectives to define my entire entire existence
all I could tell you about that time of
all I could tell you about that time of my life it was that it was the most
my life it was that it was the most
my life it was that it was the most terrifying time of my life but also the
terrifying time of my life but also the
terrifying time of my life but also the most liberating time of my life for the
most liberating time of my life for the
most liberating time of my life for the first time I did not need to manage
first time I did not need to manage
first time I did not need to manage others people expectation or feelings I
others people expectation or feelings I
others people expectation or feelings I didn’t need to do anything that I didn’t
didn’t need to do anything that I didn’t
didn’t need to do anything that I didn’t want to do going through depression was
want to do going through depression was
want to do going through depression was actually a blessing rather than a curse
actually a blessing rather than a curse
actually a blessing rather than a curse it was a false pose but that force pause
it was a false pose but that force pause
it was a false pose but that force pause allowed me to reflect and review my life
allowed me to reflect and review my life
allowed me to reflect and review my life it was a rebirth to me it was an
it was a rebirth to me it was an
it was a rebirth to me it was an awakening of how I wanted to live my
awakening of how I wanted to live my
awakening of how I wanted to live my life moving forward what those two years
life moving forward what those two years
life moving forward what those two years taught me it was the value and the power
taught me it was the value and the power
taught me it was the value and the power of vulnerability for healing the ability
of vulnerability for healing the ability
of vulnerability for healing the ability to fall and knowing that somebody would
to fall and knowing that somebody would
to fall and knowing that somebody would be there for you it’s a blessing letting
be there for you it’s a blessing letting
be there for you it’s a blessing letting go it’s a blessing I know I learned the
go it’s a blessing I know I learned the
go it’s a blessing I know I learned the importance of living life honoring my
importance of living life honoring my
importance of living life honoring my values and the gift that comes from them
values and the gift that comes from them
values and the gift that comes from them rather than trying to live up to labels
rather than trying to live up to labels
rather than trying to live up to labels I also understood the true meaning of
I also understood the true meaning of
I also understood the true meaning of owning my feelings and my emotion and
owning my feelings and my emotion and
owning my feelings and my emotion and why they shouldn’t be affected and
why they shouldn’t be affected and
why they shouldn’t be affected and dictated by what people think of me now
dictated by what people think of me now
dictated by what people think of me now I am in charge of my life and I’m
I am in charge of my life and I’m
I am in charge of my life and I’m thriving not surviving I rely on my
thriving not surviving I rely on my
thriving not surviving I rely on my intuition to guide me I rest when I need
intuition to guide me I rest when I need
intuition to guide me I rest when I need to rest I go into introspection when I
to rest I go into introspection when I
to rest I go into introspection when I feel like it I connect and grow as I
feel like it I connect and grow as I
feel like it I connect and grow as I feel and I take time to celebrate my
feel and I take time to celebrate my
feel and I take time to celebrate my life and its successes and one of the
life and its successes and one of the
life and its successes and one of the key lessons I learned through that
key lessons I learned through that
key lessons I learned through that process is that we are all at a choice
process is that we are all at a choice
process is that we are all at a choice yes we all had a choice however it takes
yes we all had a choice however it takes
yes we all had a choice however it takes courage to act on it and when it comes
courage to act on it and when it comes
courage to act on it and when it comes to making choices all I needed to do is
to making choices all I needed to do is
to making choices all I needed to do is shift the source from fear to courage
shift the source from fear to courage
shift the source from fear to courage and let me tell you a little bit more
and let me tell you a little bit more
and let me tell you a little bit more about what I mean by the word courage
about what I mean by the word courage
about what I mean by the word courage here when we hear the word courage words
here when we hear the word courage words
here when we hear the word courage words such as bravery warrior dare and force
such as bravery warrior dare and force
such as bravery warrior dare and force comes to mind however if you were to
comes to mind however if you were to
comes to mind however if you were to look at the word courage in a dictionary
look at the word courage in a dictionary
look at the word courage in a dictionary you will get that courage actually comes
you will get that courage actually comes
you will get that courage actually comes from the latin word car which means
from the latin word car which means
from the latin word car which means heart
heart
heart place the feeling and care so courage is
place the feeling and care so courage is
place the feeling and care so courage is about taking care of yourself
about taking care of yourself
about taking care of yourself when making choices from courage you
when making choices from courage you
when making choices from courage you need to listen you need to listen to
need to listen you need to listen to
need to listen you need to listen to your pains and joys and practice
your pains and joys and practice
your pains and joys and practice compassion acceptance and openness with
compassion acceptance and openness with
compassion acceptance and openness with self so next time that you find yourself
self so next time that you find yourself
self so next time that you find yourself in that cruise control mode and you hit
in that cruise control mode and you hit
in that cruise control mode and you hit that junction of your life and you need
that junction of your life and you need
that junction of your life and you need to make a choice or a decision I will
to make a choice or a decision I will
to make a choice or a decision I will invite you to take an intended pause I
invite you to take an intended pause I
invite you to take an intended pause I mean it an intended post don’t wait
mean it an intended post don’t wait
mean it an intended post don’t wait until when you get a burnout or
until when you get a burnout or
until when you get a burnout or depression or a crisis before you do it
depression or a crisis before you do it
depression or a crisis before you do it and ask yourself what would you do if
and ask yourself what would you do if
and ask yourself what would you do if you were to drop the fear thank you
you were to drop the fear thank you
you were to drop the fear thank you [Applause]
”
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