Imagine that you’re driving to work on a beautiful summer day.
You’re already looking forward to the barbecue that’s happening after work.
Maybe you’re looking forward to spending a weekend at the lake
with your family or friends.
All of a sudden, you hear this horrid screeching sound,
and you realize it’s a car coming towards you.
But that’s all you have time to realize before everything goes black.
You’re in the hospital now, surrounded by bright lights.
But you can’t see them
because you’re unconscious from that accident,
and you’re on a ventilator.
Your family has a decision to make.
The doctor said he can perform the necessary operation,
but there’s a 60% chance you’ll come back with no motor function.
Your family could choose to remove the ventilator,
but there’s only a 20% chance that you’ll breathe independently.
They could also choose to leave you on the ventilator,
with a 30% chance of you waking up on your own.
That’s a lot to take in.
All the options and percentages.
What should your family do?
Do you know how you would want them to react in that situation?
Do the people you love know how you are willing to live?
Do they know how you want to die?
Accidents or unintentional injuries are the leading cause of death
for women, ages 15 to 34, and for men, ages 15 to 44.
However, it is far more likely now that we’ll die of a debilitating disease –
the top causes for people 85 years and older being heart disease and cancer –
because we are living longer now than we ever have before.
And by 2050, the number of people on medicare who are 80 years or older
will nearly triple.
We discuss all sorts of things we do and don’t want in our lives.
And dying is a part of living,
yet we don’t talk about what we want then.
Do you know how you want to die?
Have you thought about it?
Better yet, have you talked about it?
When you’re younger, I know, this is a hard concept to grasp.
We have so much life left; we have so much to live for.
We can’t die, we’re invincible.
But as we age, we continue to push these conversations off
because they make us uncomfortable.
Because the truth is, none of us are invincible.
I had to come to terms with my mortality at a young age.
When I was 12, I was in a snowboarding accident that could have killed me.
Wicked bad concussion, care flight, the whole nine yards.
Everyone kept asking me
about the helicopter ride down from the mountain,
how cool it must have been,
never mind the fact that I get horribly motion sick,
so I guarantee you that ride was not all too fun for those paramedics.
But I honestly don’t even remember being in the helicopter.
I remember screaming at them to get me off the hill.
Little did I know that bright white I was seeing
was the inside of an MRI machine.
My helmet literally saved my life,
and I am forever thankful to my mom
for not letting her 12-year-old daughter look cool.
Now, let’s fast forward 13, almost 14 years.
I’m a couple months shy of my 26th birthday,
and I am just getting my advanced directive.
Please raise your hand if you know what an advanced directive is?
It’s okay if you don’t, we don’t talk about the end of life.
Unless you work in health care,
it’s perfectly understandable you didn’t know.
I didn’t know what an advanced directive was
until I started working for Saint Mary’s Hospice.
An advanced directive is a legal form that tells your loved ones
what you would or wouldn’t want in terms of care
if you cannot tell them yourself.
And you can have one at 18 years old.
I elected my little brother as my power of attorney.
Technically, he’s my “durable medical” power of attorney.
So he’s responsible for making healthcare decisions for me
if I am unable to make them myself.
In my advanced directive, it states that if I am in a coma
which my doctors have reasonably concluded is irreversible,
I desire that life sustaining or prolonging treatment not be used.
It also says that I don’t desire treatment to be provided and/or continued
if the burdens of that treatment outweigh the expected benefits.
My attorney in fact is to consider the relief of suffering,
the preservation and restoration of functioning,
and the quality as well as the extent of the possible extension of my life.
So basically, I don’t want to be dependent on a machine
when the only function of that machine is prolonging my dying process.
You can also add special requests to your advanced directive,
like cremation or a specific funeral home you’d like to use.
I know I want to be cremated
and have my ashes spread across Monterey Bay
because it ‘s my favorite place ever.
Besides Disneyland,
but spreading your ashes there might be slightly frowned upon.
(Laughter)
So that request is also in my advanced directive.
We don’t tend to think about advanced directives when we’re younger
because we don’t have wills yet.
We don’t have any “assets” to pass down.
But what we don’t realize is that an advanced directive
is a present to your loved ones.
It’s an asset to them.
An asset that can aid them in making those hard decisions
if they have to.
You can take the pressure off of your family and friends.
You can relieve them of the burden
of having to make those potentially life saving or life ending decisions
on their own.
An advanced directive is a great way
to start the conversation about end of life care.
And I would encourage each and every one of you
to stop waiting to have those conversations.
According to a study conducted in 2004,
30% of all medicare expenditures are attributed to 5% of the beneficiaries
that die each year.
With one third of that cost occurring within the last month of life.
Now there are other studies out there that say slightly different things,
but the reality is this:
We spend a lot of money on the last month and year of our lives.
We continue to perpetuate the cycle of life at all costs,
but why?
A few months ago, I started working for Saint Mary’s Hospice.
In hospice you are surrounded by people at the end of their lives.
For those first couple months, when I was training,
following our nurses, our CNA’s, and our social workers,
I cried every day.
Because we, as Americans, have been trained to see the end of life
as something that isn’t a part of life.
We’ve been conditioned to see the end as “The End.”
When it could be a beautiful beginning or a peaceful transition.
When I die, I know that I don’t want to be in a nursing home.
I know I don’t want to be in a hospital.
I know I don’t want to be hooked up to a machine
or have a bunch of tubes stuck in me.
When I die, I know I want to be in my own home.
I know I want to be surrounded by my family and friends.
And I definitely know that I want a really good glass of bourbon in my hand.
(Laughter)
Preferably Woodford
since my dad and I tend to drink that together.
And the people I love know this.
Not only do they know because we’ve talked about it,
but as I mentioned earlier, they now have my decisions in writing.
Because I have my advanced directive.
So if life happens, and I have a stroke, walking out of here today,
I’ve done everything I can
to help aid my family in making my healthcare decisions.
Do you know how many people have told me,
“I’m not ready,”
when I’ve tried to talk to them about advanced directives?
Great, good for you! I’m not ready either.
But it isn’t always up to us.
We don’t always get to call the shots.
Don’t risk leaving your family in turmoil.
It’s an unnecessary risk.
All you have to do is fill out the papers, sign them in front of a notary –
which I am one, by the way,
if anyone would like my information after this –
(Laughter)
and discuss your decisions with your loved ones.
It’s 15 minutes of your time that you won’t regret spending.
For those of you here today,
you can pick up an advanced directive folder
in the lobby after the event.
I would be more than happy to answer any questions you may have
or to go through them with you.
For those of you listening to this talk online,
you can go to CaringInfo.org.
Once again, that’s CaringInfo.org.
You’ll see a box that says, “advanced care planning.”
Click on that and it will open up to the next page.
On your right hand side, you’ll see another box that says,
“download your state-specific advanced directive.”
Follow that link and then scroll down to find your state.
Once you’ve selected your state, a PDF will pop up.
Print that out, and you can begin the short process
of completing your advanced directive.
Let’s be the catalyst for change.
Right now, we can make the choices about the end of our lives.
If you want to change them later down the road, you can.
So I urge you to help change the way we live,
to help change the taboo surrounding death and dying.
Let’s make our wishes known earlier rather than later.
Let us take the 15 minutes to fill out an advanced directive.
Let us have the courage to change the conversation.
Let each and every one of us have the courage
to ask one another,
“Do you know how you want to die?”
Thank you.
(Applause)
”
Be First to Comment