[Music] [Applause]
thank you yes I started from the the
thank you yes I started from the the very first thing I started thinking
very first thing I started thinking
very first thing I started thinking about we started with this or this
about we started with this or this
about we started with this or this column in The Guardian in March of 2016
column in The Guardian in March of 2016
column in The Guardian in March of 2016 and it was me me me are we living
and it was me me me are we living
and it was me me me are we living through a narcissism epidemic so that
through a narcissism epidemic so that
through a narcissism epidemic so that well that’s interesting
well that’s interesting
well that’s interesting may I’ll do a little search and I found
may I’ll do a little search and I found
may I’ll do a little search and I found that all of the major news outlets are
that all of the major news outlets are
that all of the major news outlets are doing specials about narcissism these
doing specials about narcissism these
doing specials about narcissism these days and in fact I’ve got up here a
days and in fact I’ve got up here a
days and in fact I’ve got up here a whole variety of photos from people who
whole variety of photos from people who
whole variety of photos from people who have been implicated as narcissists out
have been implicated as narcissists out
have been implicated as narcissists out there I mean goodness gracious even Miss
there I mean goodness gracious even Miss
there I mean goodness gracious even Miss Piggy people are saying is a narcissist
Piggy people are saying is a narcissist
Piggy people are saying is a narcissist and it really struck me because at that
and it really struck me because at that
and it really struck me because at that point I had not long before that had a
point I had not long before that had a
point I had not long before that had a PhD student why the Wakeman come to me
PhD student why the Wakeman come to me
PhD student why the Wakeman come to me and say we need to study narcissism Wow
and say we need to study narcissism Wow
and say we need to study narcissism Wow okay so it’s in the news I’ve got a
okay so it’s in the news I’ve got a
okay so it’s in the news I’ve got a student who’s saying it and he’s saying
student who’s saying it and he’s saying
student who’s saying it and he’s saying you know where does narcissism come from
you know where does narcissism come from
you know where does narcissism come from why do we tolerate their bad behavior
why do we tolerate their bad behavior
why do we tolerate their bad behavior how do they keep getting leadership
how do they keep getting leadership
how do they keep getting leadership roles you can spot them from a mile away
roles you can spot them from a mile away
roles you can spot them from a mile away and yet we get them anyway okay and all
and yet we get them anyway okay and all
and yet we get them anyway okay and all the stuff that we think of as negative
the stuff that we think of as negative
the stuff that we think of as negative so take a little journey with me about
so take a little journey with me about
so take a little journey with me about what we’ve learned in narcissism here
what we’ve learned in narcissism here
what we’ve learned in narcissism here and what I where we where to begin I
and what I where we where to begin I
and what I where we where to begin I think is this think first of all about
think is this think first of all about
think is this think first of all about yourself first how good are you at
yourself first how good are you at
yourself first how good are you at driving a car how good are you at
driving a car how good are you at
driving a car how good are you at solving everyday problems how good are
solving everyday problems how good are
solving everyday problems how good are you are working in a team okay think are
you are working in a team okay think are
you are working in a team okay think are you above average average below average
you above average average below average
you above average average below average what do you think well it turns out that
what do you think well it turns out that
what do you think well it turns out that the vast majority of us on these type of
the vast majority of us on these type of
the vast majority of us on these type of questions some 90% plus think of
questions some 90% plus think of
questions some 90% plus think of ourselves is above average on driving
ourselves is above average on driving
ourselves is above average on driving cars sewing problems working in a team
cars sewing problems working in a team
cars sewing problems working in a team anything Wow okay
anything Wow okay
anything Wow okay so many of us have a little bit of this
so many of us have a little bit of this
so many of us have a little bit of this overconfidence problem and maybe this is
overconfidence problem and maybe this is
overconfidence problem and maybe this is a bad thing
a bad thing
a bad thing and and indeed many of us are you know
and and indeed many of us are you know
and and indeed many of us are you know engage in this even if we’re a cat we
engage in this even if we’re a cat we
engage in this even if we’re a cat we look in the mirror and we see the lion
look in the mirror and we see the lion
look in the mirror and we see the lion maybe that’s a bad thing well it turns
maybe that’s a bad thing well it turns
maybe that’s a bad thing well it turns out it’s not an entirely bad thing if
out it’s not an entirely bad thing if
out it’s not an entirely bad thing if you have confidence and you are a little
you have confidence and you are a little
you have confidence and you are a little bit overconfident it encourages you to
bit overconfident it encourages you to
bit overconfident it encourages you to be able to give a talk stand up for what
be able to give a talk stand up for what
be able to give a talk stand up for what you believe in be active in doing things
you believe in be active in doing things
you believe in be active in doing things that you might not otherwise take on so
that you might not otherwise take on so
that you might not otherwise take on so it helps us build our self-efficacy and
it helps us build our self-efficacy and
it helps us build our self-efficacy and our confidence helps us do things that
our confidence helps us do things that
our confidence helps us do things that wouldn’t otherwise happen so maybe it’s
wouldn’t otherwise happen so maybe it’s
wouldn’t otherwise happen so maybe it’s not a bad thing and in fact our
not a bad thing and in fact our
not a bad thing and in fact our teammates our co-workers our friends who
teammates our co-workers our friends who
teammates our co-workers our friends who overestimate their prospects in life
overestimate their prospects in life
overestimate their prospects in life tend to be likely to be willing to show
tend to be likely to be willing to show
tend to be likely to be willing to show risk or take risk show a desire to win
risk or take risk show a desire to win
risk or take risk show a desire to win come across as competent they’re also
come across as competent they’re also
come across as competent they’re also seen as leaders and leadership material
seen as leaders and leadership material
seen as leaders and leadership material they’re much more likely to be selected
they’re much more likely to be selected
they’re much more likely to be selected as leaders they are also of course more
as leaders they are also of course more
as leaders they are also of course more likely to be a narcissist okay so
likely to be a narcissist okay so
likely to be a narcissist okay so they’re more likely a saint to be
they’re more likely a saint to be
they’re more likely a saint to be elected as leaders and in fact most of
elected as leaders and in fact most of
elected as leaders and in fact most of the people we think of as narcissists
the people we think of as narcissists
the people we think of as narcissists have a degree of charm and confidence
have a degree of charm and confidence
have a degree of charm and confidence that we find appealing which is why we
that we find appealing which is why we
that we find appealing which is why we select them into leadership roles but
select them into leadership roles but
select them into leadership roles but what is narcissism well the American
what is narcissism well the American
what is narcissism well the American Psychiatric Association refers to
Psychiatric Association refers to
Psychiatric Association refers to narcissists are those who maintain a
narcissists are those who maintain a
narcissists are those who maintain a grandiose view who they really are now
grandiose view who they really are now
grandiose view who they really are now the idea first was put forward by
the idea first was put forward by
the idea first was put forward by Sigmund Freud and his argument was that
Sigmund Freud and his argument was that
Sigmund Freud and his argument was that their self view is wildly different from
their self view is wildly different from
their self view is wildly different from the actual view and actually put these
the actual view and actually put these
the actual view and actually put these two ideas together that’s a pretty good
two ideas together that’s a pretty good
two ideas together that’s a pretty good way of thinking about it no matter how
way of thinking about it no matter how
way of thinking about it no matter how good they are they always think they’re
good they are they always think they’re
good they are they always think they’re way way way better than what they
way way way better than what they
way way way better than what they actually are so if you have that kind of
actually are so if you have that kind of
actually are so if you have that kind of self-importance you’re likely to feel
self-importance you’re likely to feel
self-importance you’re likely to feel like you really are special you should
like you really are special you should
like you really are special you should be treated in a very special way you
be treated in a very special way you
be treated in a very special way you might be a little pompous and arrogant
might be a little pompous and arrogant
might be a little pompous and arrogant okay and those are the kind of things
okay and those are the kind of things
okay and those are the kind of things that we associate then with narcissism
that we associate then with narcissism
that we associate then with narcissism so if we think about all those negative
so if we think about all those negative
so if we think about all those negative things this downside to narcissism they
things this downside to narcissism they
things this downside to narcissism they don’t listen very well because they have
don’t listen very well because they have
don’t listen very well because they have a very strong view of what they want
a very strong view of what they want
a very strong view of what they want they lack empathy they don’t really
they lack empathy they don’t really
they lack empathy they don’t really empathize with the average person or
empathize with the average person or
empathize with the average person or anybody else they respond poorly to
anybody else they respond poorly to
anybody else they respond poorly to setback if you criticize them they’ll
setback if you criticize them they’ll
setback if you criticize them they’ll just fire back at you and say you’re not
just fire back at you and say you’re not
just fire back at you and say you’re not worthy and they constantly focus on
worthy and they constantly focus on
worthy and they constantly focus on their own status the most important
their own status the most important
their own status the most important thing in the room is how I look and how
thing in the room is how I look and how
thing in the room is how I look and how I am now here’s some notable examples
I am now here’s some notable examples
I am now here’s some notable examples from history of the world of work
from history of the world of work
from history of the world of work Lee Iacocca who was chief executive
Lee Iacocca who was chief executive
Lee Iacocca who was chief executive officer Chrysler Corporation his book
officer Chrysler Corporation his book
officer Chrysler Corporation his book title is you know where of all the
title is you know where of all the
title is you know where of all the leaders gone there should be more of
leaders gone there should be more of
leaders gone there should be more of them like me or other famous narcissists
them like me or other famous narcissists
them like me or other famous narcissists people like al Dunlap mean business how
people like al Dunlap mean business how
people like al Dunlap mean business how I save companies and make good companies
I save companies and make good companies
I save companies and make good companies grades nothing like a little bit of you
grades nothing like a little bit of you
grades nothing like a little bit of you know confidence there right but in fact
know confidence there right but in fact
know confidence there right but in fact here’s the conundrum that is this in
here’s the conundrum that is this in
here’s the conundrum that is this in business government sports any other
business government sports any other
business government sports any other kind of arena in life people will put up
kind of arena in life people will put up
kind of arena in life people will put up with an incredible degree of
with an incredible degree of
with an incredible degree of self-serving an obnoxious behavior on
self-serving an obnoxious behavior on
self-serving an obnoxious behavior on the part of narcissists as long as the
the part of narcissists as long as the
the part of narcissists as long as the narcissists continue to perform at a
narcissists continue to perform at a
narcissists continue to perform at a high level this is actually part of a
high level this is actually part of a
high level this is actually part of a larger quote from very well-known
larger quote from very well-known
larger quote from very well-known psychologists personality psychologists
psychologists personality psychologists
psychologists personality psychologists Ann McAdams and he makes this point
Ann McAdams and he makes this point
Ann McAdams and he makes this point Steve Jobs was and his opinion
Steve Jobs was and his opinion
Steve Jobs was and his opinion every bit Donald Trump’s equal when it
every bit Donald Trump’s equal when it
every bit Donald Trump’s equal when it comes to grandiose narcissism and that’s
comes to grandiose narcissism and that’s
comes to grandiose narcissism and that’s interesting because of course the public
interesting because of course the public
interesting because of course the public perceptions of these two men are fairly
perceptions of these two men are fairly
perceptions of these two men are fairly different okay and yet if you look at
different okay and yet if you look at
different okay and yet if you look at their actual methods how they interact
their actual methods how they interact
their actual methods how they interact with people they tend to be remarkably
with people they tend to be remarkably
with people they tend to be remarkably similar they are relative relatively
similar they are relative relatively
similar they are relative relatively arrogant dismissive of many people
arrogant dismissive of many people
arrogant dismissive of many people around them and so on and so forth
around them and so on and so forth
around them and so on and so forth so how does this happen well there’s a
so how does this happen well there’s a
so how does this happen well there’s a plus side to narcissism as well not only
plus side to narcissism as well not only
plus side to narcissism as well not only do we like it when we first see it it
do we like it when we first see it it
do we like it when we first see it it tends to bring some important things
tends to bring some important things
tends to bring some important things first
first
first it tends to bring great vision a kind of
it tends to bring great vision a kind of
it tends to bring great vision a kind of view of where we can all go that often
view of where we can all go that often
view of where we can all go that often time will be compelling done in a way
time will be compelling done in a way
time will be compelling done in a way that is confident so it sounds like it
that is confident so it sounds like it
that is confident so it sounds like it must be true
must be true
must be true drive ambition and charisma and charm
drive ambition and charisma and charm
drive ambition and charisma and charm these are the kind of people who we see
these are the kind of people who we see
these are the kind of people who we see and we think yes and especially in
and we think yes and especially in
and we think yes and especially in troubled times such as these when lots
troubled times such as these when lots
troubled times such as these when lots of people are looking for clear and
of people are looking for clear and
of people are looking for clear and strong leadership narcissism and
strong leadership narcissism and
strong leadership narcissism and narcissists can be pretty appealing and
narcissists can be pretty appealing and
narcissists can be pretty appealing and in fact here’s a good example of perhaps
in fact here’s a good example of perhaps
in fact here’s a good example of perhaps some of the upsides of narcissism many
some of the upsides of narcissism many
some of the upsides of narcissism many of you will know this face Jack Welch
of you will know this face Jack Welch
of you will know this face Jack Welch was CEO of GE but what’s interesting
was CEO of GE but what’s interesting
was CEO of GE but what’s interesting about this guy is all of those upsides
about this guy is all of those upsides
about this guy is all of those upsides are where you seem to be what we
are where you seem to be what we
are where you seem to be what we remember and we don’t seem to remember
remember and we don’t seem to remember
remember and we don’t seem to remember particularly in those early years he was
particularly in those early years he was
particularly in those early years he was known as Neutron Jack because he was
known as Neutron Jack because he was
known as Neutron Jack because he was like a neutron bomb okay a neutron bomb
like a neutron bomb okay a neutron bomb
like a neutron bomb okay a neutron bomb kills all the people leaves the building
kills all the people leaves the building
kills all the people leaves the building standing ok and that was that was the
standing ok and that was that was the
standing ok and that was that was the way people thought about him he started
way people thought about him he started
way people thought about him he started in 1980 with over 400,000 employees and
in 1980 with over 400,000 employees and
in 1980 with over 400,000 employees and within a few years he was down to less
within a few years he was down to less
within a few years he was down to less than 300,000 employees he was his mantra
than 300,000 employees he was his mantra
than 300,000 employees he was his mantra was don’t tolerate bureaucracy blow it
was don’t tolerate bureaucracy blow it
was don’t tolerate bureaucracy blow it up okay and so on and so forth he was
up okay and so on and so forth he was
up okay and so on and so forth he was quite controversial in those early days
quite controversial in those early days
quite controversial in those early days all right
all right
all right but let’s talk first about and then next
but let’s talk first about and then next
but let’s talk first about and then next or about how to spot a narcissist and
or about how to spot a narcissist and
or about how to spot a narcissist and they will talk about how to deal with
they will talk about how to deal with
they will talk about how to deal with narcissists who might be there so what
narcissists who might be there so what
narcissists who might be there so what we find helpful what I find helpful is
we find helpful what I find helpful is
we find helpful what I find helpful is understanding first the difference
understanding first the difference
understanding first the difference between at least a couple of types of
between at least a couple of types of
between at least a couple of types of narcissism
narcissism
narcissism the first one is agentic narcissists
the first one is agentic narcissists
the first one is agentic narcissists these are the classic al Dunlap chainsaw
these are the classic al Dunlap chainsaw
these are the classic al Dunlap chainsaw al Lee Iacocca you know Steve Jobs type
al Lee Iacocca you know Steve Jobs type
al Lee Iacocca you know Steve Jobs type of narcissists they love having
of narcissists they love having
of narcissists they love having control and authority over people they
control and authority over people they
control and authority over people they love to dominate conversations they
love to dominate conversations they
love to dominate conversations they genuinely believe they’re better than
genuinely believe they’re better than
genuinely believe they’re better than the rest of us
the rest of us
the rest of us I mean don’t just believe they know
I mean don’t just believe they know
I mean don’t just believe they know there’s no question in their mind okay
there’s no question in their mind okay
there’s no question in their mind okay the best way to know whether one of
the best way to know whether one of
the best way to know whether one of these is in your team is just to simply
these is in your team is just to simply
these is in your team is just to simply ask them it’s very straightforward
ask them it’s very straightforward
ask them it’s very straightforward are you a narcissist and you know what
are you a narcissist and you know what
are you a narcissist and you know what most of them will say yeah but you know
most of them will say yeah but you know
most of them will say yeah but you know it’s okay it’s kind of it’s justified
it’s okay it’s kind of it’s justified
it’s okay it’s kind of it’s justified okay I’m very tempted to ask people in
okay I’m very tempted to ask people in
okay I’m very tempted to ask people in the room how many if there’s a nurse are
the room how many if there’s a nurse are
the room how many if there’s a nurse are you a narcissist here and I want to
you a narcissist here and I want to
you a narcissist here and I want to contrast that with this which is
contrast that with this which is
contrast that with this which is communal narcissism which is I’m the
communal narcissism which is I’m the
communal narcissism which is I’m the best helper I’m the best group member I
best helper I’m the best group member I
best helper I’m the best group member I support everybody this whole team would
support everybody this whole team would
support everybody this whole team would not function without me holding
not function without me holding
not function without me holding everybody else up okay so it’s still
everybody else up okay so it’s still
everybody else up okay so it’s still narcissism it’s still this grandiose
narcissism it’s still this grandiose
narcissism it’s still this grandiose view that you are the one and the only
view that you are the one and the only
view that you are the one and the only and the true core to this group but it’s
and the true core to this group but it’s
and the true core to this group but it’s much more focused on doing it through
much more focused on doing it through
much more focused on doing it through helping so they will answer yes to
helping so they will answer yes to
helping so they will answer yes to questions like I am the most helpful
questions like I am the most helpful
questions like I am the most helpful person I know I greatly enriched the
person I know I greatly enriched the
person I know I greatly enriched the lives of other people I touch okay so
lives of other people I touch okay so
lives of other people I touch okay so you know if you can if you look you’ll
you know if you can if you look you’ll
you know if you can if you look you’ll see and it’s important to understand
see and it’s important to understand
see and it’s important to understand these distinctions this particularly
these distinctions this particularly
these distinctions this particularly this distinction in narcissism because
this distinction in narcissism because
this distinction in narcissism because you treat them in pretty different ways
you treat them in pretty different ways
you treat them in pretty different ways so how do you work with a narcissist
so how do you work with a narcissist
so how do you work with a narcissist well let’s start with the agentic
well let’s start with the agentic
well let’s start with the agentic narcissist first thing to realize is you
narcissist first thing to realize is you
narcissist first thing to realize is you should never assume that they’re going
should never assume that they’re going
should never assume that they’re going to change
to change
to change they are absolutely confident in who
they are absolutely confident in who
they are absolutely confident in who they are and if you give them negative
they are and if you give them negative
they are and if you give them negative feedback they very quickly will turn it
feedback they very quickly will turn it
feedback they very quickly will turn it on you and criticize you as being
on you and criticize you as being
on you and criticize you as being unworthy of being able to issue that
unworthy of being able to issue that
unworthy of being able to issue that feedback
feedback
feedback and to be perfectly honest no matter how
and to be perfectly honest no matter how
and to be perfectly honest no matter how much negative feedback you give them
much negative feedback you give them
much negative feedback you give them they’re never gonna go seek help because
they’re never gonna go seek help because
they’re never gonna go seek help because you don’t go seek help when you think
you don’t go seek help when you think
you don’t go seek help when you think you’re wonderful
you’re wonderful
you’re wonderful right so you can yell and scream and
right so you can yell and scream and
right so you can yell and scream and give them lots of negative feedback you
give them lots of negative feedback you
give them lots of negative feedback you can feel moral outrage at them and it
can feel moral outrage at them and it
can feel moral outrage at them and it may make you feel good okay to say it
may make you feel good okay to say it
may make you feel good okay to say it but it’s unlikely to have any real
but it’s unlikely to have any real
but it’s unlikely to have any real impact so what do you do well a couple
impact so what do you do well a couple
impact so what do you do well a couple bits of advice on agentic narcissists
bits of advice on agentic narcissists
bits of advice on agentic narcissists first find the right role so what’s the
first find the right role so what’s the
first find the right role so what’s the great and best place to be able to drop
great and best place to be able to drop
great and best place to be able to drop them in in a particular role around you
them in in a particular role around you
them in in a particular role around you now by the way you’re gonna have to make
now by the way you’re gonna have to make
now by the way you’re gonna have to make this decision or when you can to make
this decision or when you can to make
this decision or when you can to make this decision because as a narcissist
this decision because as a narcissist
this decision because as a narcissist they will believe every time is the
they will believe every time is the
they will believe every time is the right time every role is the right role
right time every role is the right role
right time every role is the right role okay what is the actual best role for
okay what is the actual best role for
okay what is the actual best role for these people
these people
these people blow it up okay you have a group you
blow it up okay you have a group you
blow it up okay you have a group you have a function you have an organization
have a function you have an organization
have a function you have an organization that is just not working this is the
that is just not working this is the
that is just not working this is the kind of thing that they’re really great
kind of thing that they’re really great
kind of thing that they’re really great at they will rethink it and they will
at they will rethink it and they will
at they will rethink it and they will have no concern about all the negative
have no concern about all the negative
have no concern about all the negative feedback that’s likely to come by
feedback that’s likely to come by
feedback that’s likely to come by blowing it up okay
blowing it up okay
blowing it up okay now let’s assume that perhaps maybe you
now let’s assume that perhaps maybe you
now let’s assume that perhaps maybe you don’t want it blown up and there is a
don’t want it blown up and there is a
don’t want it blown up and there is a narcissist running the team what’s the
narcissist running the team what’s the
narcissist running the team what’s the way to deal with it then well the way to
way to deal with it then well the way to
way to deal with it then well the way to do with it then is to try to understand
do with it then is to try to understand
do with it then is to try to understand why the other people around them are
why the other people around them are
why the other people around them are supporting the narcissist to work with
supporting the narcissist to work with
supporting the narcissist to work with them and to try to help make the system
them and to try to help make the system
them and to try to help make the system work so that they don’t support the
work so that they don’t support the
work so that they don’t support the narcissist anymore that that in fact the
narcissist anymore that that in fact the
narcissist anymore that that in fact the only way to deal with that narcissist in
only way to deal with that narcissist in
only way to deal with that narcissist in that position is to essentially for
that position is to essentially for
that position is to essentially for their support to drain away if they
their support to drain away if they
their support to drain away if they believe that the current system does not
believe that the current system does not
believe that the current system does not warrant being blown up alright let’s
warrant being blown up alright let’s
warrant being blown up alright let’s talk about communal narcissism now three
talk about communal narcissism now three
talk about communal narcissism now three bits of advice here as well first they
bits of advice here as well first they
bits of advice here as well first they don’t have to be in a formal leadership
don’t have to be in a formal leadership
don’t have to be in a formal leadership role and in fact it’s better if they’re
role and in fact it’s better if they’re
role and in fact it’s better if they’re not because they’ll tend to suck up too
not because they’ll tend to suck up too
not because they’ll tend to suck up too much of the air
much of the air
much of the air around you so their best role is one of
around you so their best role is one of
around you so their best role is one of helping and building on that theme you
helping and building on that theme you
helping and building on that theme you want to encourage them to share
want to encourage them to share
want to encourage them to share resources build relationships with other
resources build relationships with other
resources build relationships with other people the more people they feel
people the more people they feel
people the more people they feel connected to the more people are going
connected to the more people are going
connected to the more people are going to help and that will benefit the entire
to help and that will benefit the entire
to help and that will benefit the entire group third I want to be able to manage
group third I want to be able to manage
group third I want to be able to manage the conflict that’s going to come though
the conflict that’s going to come though
the conflict that’s going to come though because if they believe they’re the best
because if they believe they’re the best
because if they believe they’re the best and most important helper in the world
and most important helper in the world
and most important helper in the world and somebody else helps and they want a
and somebody else helps and they want a
and somebody else helps and they want a little bit of credit they’re gonna find
little bit of credit they’re gonna find
little bit of credit they’re gonna find it quite difficult to actually share any
it quite difficult to actually share any
it quite difficult to actually share any credit for doing something so as a team
credit for doing something so as a team
credit for doing something so as a team leader or someone in your team you’re
leader or someone in your team you’re
leader or someone in your team you’re gonna still gonna have to manage around
gonna still gonna have to manage around
gonna still gonna have to manage around them but it’s more manageable than a
them but it’s more manageable than a
them but it’s more manageable than a classic agentic narcissist is so I began
classic agentic narcissist is so I began
classic agentic narcissist is so I began this talk and the title is do
this talk and the title is do
this talk and the title is do narcissists have a role in bettering
narcissists have a role in bettering
narcissists have a role in bettering organizations and the short answer is
organizations and the short answer is
organizations and the short answer is yes but okay like any form of leadership
yes but okay like any form of leadership
yes but okay like any form of leadership it has its time and its place get it
it has its time and its place get it
it has its time and its place get it right you get reward get it wrong you’re
right you get reward get it wrong you’re
right you get reward get it wrong you’re gonna suffer okay an energetic
gonna suffer okay an energetic
gonna suffer okay an energetic narcissist will want to be blowing
narcissist will want to be blowing
narcissist will want to be blowing things up rethinking everything okay and
things up rethinking everything okay and
things up rethinking everything okay and that is a perfect role for them probably
that is a perfect role for them probably
that is a perfect role for them probably not any other role a communal narcissist
not any other role a communal narcissist
not any other role a communal narcissist is generally going to be easier to find
is generally going to be easier to find
is generally going to be easier to find the role for because any place that you
the role for because any place that you
the role for because any place that you actually can use to support you know
actually can use to support you know
actually can use to support you know within a team you know and I thinking as
within a team you know and I thinking as
within a team you know and I thinking as I look back over my journey over the
I look back over my journey over the
I look back over my journey over the last say 15 months or so on narcissism
last say 15 months or so on narcissism
last say 15 months or so on narcissism now what I remember is that we all have
now what I remember is that we all have
now what I remember is that we all have a little bit of the narcissist in us
a little bit of the narcissist in us
a little bit of the narcissist in us that it’s adaptive for facing the world
that it’s adaptive for facing the world
that it’s adaptive for facing the world and indeed narcissists use that to
and indeed narcissists use that to
and indeed narcissists use that to create the kind of change that they do
create the kind of change that they do
create the kind of change that they do around them to create fundamental change
around them to create fundamental change
around them to create fundamental change but you have to remember that you cannot
but you have to remember that you cannot
but you have to remember that you cannot treat particularly the agentic
treat particularly the agentic
treat particularly the agentic narcissist in your team like a normal
narcissist in your team like a normal
narcissist in your team like a normal human being
human being
human being okay criticism and feedback might make
okay criticism and feedback might make
okay criticism and feedback might make you feel better and even moral outrage
you feel better and even moral outrage
you feel better and even moral outrage might make you feel better
might make you feel better
might make you feel better unlikely it’s like water off a duck’s
unlikely it’s like water off a duck’s
unlikely it’s like water off a duck’s back it tends to just flow right off so
back it tends to just flow right off so
back it tends to just flow right off so instead you need to focus on the rest of
instead you need to focus on the rest of
instead you need to focus on the rest of the team why is it that they support
the team why is it that they support
the team why is it that they support this person in that role why is it that
this person in that role why is it that
this person in that role why is it that they believe that blowing the system up
they believe that blowing the system up
they believe that blowing the system up is a good idea
is a good idea
is a good idea what you need to do is to try to make
what you need to do is to try to make
what you need to do is to try to make sure that that system does work for
sure that that system does work for
sure that that system does work for everybody in the team if it does work
everybody in the team if it does work
everybody in the team if it does work for everybody in the team the support
for everybody in the team the support
for everybody in the team the support for that in our success is going to melt
for that in our success is going to melt
for that in our success is going to melt away thank you
”
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