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[Music]
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[Music]
[Applause]
when psychology is on the stage
then it usually gets serious me
That’s why I brought four friends
the julia di maria the poor and the
Thorsten and yes they will be in you
you are ready to accompany this day
beautiful imagine you go into one
Supermarket wants to pay and go
you checkout three cash registers are open all
with a long line
Of course, now the
existential question on which snake
At which box office are you going to get
put
you decide to combine and how
it could be different that one
again the slowest caught because
right now the cashier on the storno
key of the branch management has to wait
because he can take dog food twice
has scanned so think a situation
We all know each other and also our reaction
we may be the one who is frustrating or
excite us and others
areas of life whether in partnership
with friends colleagues or in the
There are situations in the family
happy to respond angry where we are
maybe not noticed or
feel valued and I believe
It is quite normal that we humans with
anger or that we feel people anger
times hats feel and so-called
negative emotions have the question
we always have to react the same way or
there is another possibility
and I have a model today
I bring it called the milk cartons
Model why it’s so hot we come to
later still and with this model
Let’s take a look at the other side
I would like to tell you a lot
is about self-responsibility for that
what we feel for our feelings
It’s usually like this, we experience something
in the outside, for example, our partner ours
Partner forgot the anniversary and we
respond to it by, for example
are offended
From this we deduce relatively automatically
the outside is responsible for how
I’m inside what I feel
is so if I change the outside
the cause away and I’m fine again
Good
At least that’s how we learn it
people and so we behave ourselves
every day and I have you today yes
an example brought by julia julia
she has three appointments today
with maria with armin without torsten the
Juliet has a first appointment with Maria
the trigger is julia is too late
Maria Maria ‘s feeling is she is sad
when julia comes, then her is hers
reaction she closes herself
little in itself and you breakfast her
common breakfast is not the
Great hit because the a bit with
that’s what she has to fight for her feelings
the first situation at noon meets
yes, with armin a work colleague
same trigger she comes back to
late for armin he is angry
and when julia comes, he shouts at her
and say what insolence that
she comes too late and leaves the
Meeting room we do again and
In the evening , yes, she meets the thorsten
same same trigger they come to
late in it is relatively reliable
and
feeling of not enjoying thorsten
that she is late but that he
short time has durchzuschnaufen
and when julia comes, there is none
influence that she came too late
and the two spend a nice
Eve
You see, that was three times now
same trigger the late and
three completely different reactions
Of course, now the question arises
Who makes the feelings of the 3 can
the julia the mourn in maria the rage in
Armin and the joy in Torsten
plant what do you think?
is that I think that is the opinion
impossible
i do not think julia does
the emotions of the three but the three
first decide unconsciously
for what they feel and in the
consequence would mean that each too
100 percent responsible for it
what he feels when the 1000’s
would carry responsibility
there must indeed be the same trigger
the same feelings arise
and even more important is the feeling
yes in us in our body of ours
series our mind so it arises in
So we can only ourselves
the movers of the feeling and that
is the first of three points which
I’ll give you a home today
everyone wants to be themselves for it
responsible for what he feels outside
is only the trigger that can be outside
to be a person or a situation and
the outside sets his action his
say how close to a limit and I have
the symbolization of this border
brought rope and this one
imaginary hurry always between
People who meet in the
communication and to this limit
is the sender from what you
communicates or what he does and as
I once a symbol in a workshop
I was looking for what the sender
I have laid down in the room after one
object sought and the first thing to me
came in the hand was a milk carton from
the coffee bar and since then this is called
Model in the milk carton model
if the sender is something positive from
here at the border
then we can have as a receiver
we two ways of responding
We can be thankful
be for what lies there or us
could be just as exciting
frustrated
The power does not have the transmitter if that
there is something for me as a recipient
if the sender something
deposits what is negative in our eyes
we have two again
response options we can as
receiver again with a joy
to react to that
or we can offer to be frustrated
be offended or of course
also neutral
even in this case, the sender has not
the power and influence on how
responds what happens in me the
Reaction from us if something in the middle
that happens mostly in
milliseconds and completely automatically
and we have because we have the feeling
it happens to me i can not do anything
By contrast, the station is doing something
poses positive or negative there
then I have to react so if that
so then we will be delivered without
Modifications because of the
Sender yes the responsibility for it
Cares how I am
but in truth we only need each other
ourselves to react differently and
that ‘s the good thing we do not have to
we do not have to wait for the station
change the sender and we are not
depending on the transmitter
and that’s the second point I have
want to give you home today
no matter what the sender what others in this
center you have the freedom whether and
if yes, what you take from it to you
what do you think of this model
This thought often brings itself
confusion the responsibility
What we feel like doing away with
The blame the stupid cashier
stupid weather the julia once again
late comes to us too
self-responsibility and when I’m from
tell this model
whether in my practice or lectures
or workshops then I always hear
again many interesting questions and
I brought four of them today
and I want to share it with you
the first question is this model applies
that always applies in my eyes
Model always when grown-up
to meet people voluntarily
Of course this does not apply to
mental or physical violence
I can chop off someone’s finger and
then tell them that is your pain
it is your body
I’m out of it, it’s difficult and that
same is with children that is whole
important that it does not not between
adults and children can also apply
not my main five-year-old too
leave home at night and then come
sometime at three o’clock in the morning
Home the child is completely destroyed
Distraught anxious and I said yes
the little one is sorry but is
is introduced to you the one to sleep
so please only between adults
People
the second question is there and that is often
why an indignation wieland yes
the sender has no responsibility
I have to endure everything now and
bear what the sender puts there
of course not the transmitter has too
a responsibility in communication
or in the encounters between
people there are beneficial and
obstructive statements and
behaviors and responsibility
the sender is that they contact the
beneficial holds
the problem will only be that him
not always succeed because he does not
because he can not or because
he has another rating that the
Maybe he ‘s what he’s getting there
lays as positive and I as
receiver as negative and stupid
then it is there the statement or
We can not do that anymore
change
but what we can change is
our reaction how we react to it
and if the station always does what
constantly hurting it does not mean it
that I have to swallow it is
very important to be in contact with
to go by communication
needs express my feelings to him
show me what it might do to me
set limits or draw conclusions
but so today with the model I am
not at all here on the side
to look at the station because of that
every day we do the
Responsibility in us is something like it
we emotionally go constantly
outsource to the weather policy
to the stupid boss when the partner
to the partner
It’s always about what I can do myself
to help me feel better
and there I have the full responsibility
the third question is why do we react
because so different in the example
These three in our eyes we react
so different due to ours
quite individual life story with
the skills we derive from it
but also with the injuries
and sore points
and maybe you know the one or the other
Said he pressed my button
and that’s exactly what these buttons are about
and I think there is no human
at least I do not have one yet
He does not know anything in his life
backpack carries with him
story
and depending on what’s in this backpack
we react differently
on different triggers or on the
same trigger when we armin to
For example, Armin was the one
he reacted with three
siblings with his mother
she grew up as a single mother
he is a full time job and totally
overwhelmed with all the tasks
and she has forgotten a lot she has
Forgot pausenbrot him mitzugeben
she forgot him to the schullandheim
she forgot that he did
where he has a theatrical performance
played the main role and at Armin
That’s the way they did not appreciate me
who has i am not important and if
someone comes too late today, for example, as one
trigger
then exactly this old and
processed wound touches when he
that would understand the julia in that
case or all other people is whole
easily have this sensitive point too
He touched his life story
or and he too to his
life story would think
then there would be a chance that he would be different
it reacts as long as he but the
solution and the cause in the outside seeking
and does not realize that it is with his
backpack is really only what has to do
He will always be on such for so long
trigger an annoying reaction
and that’s the third point I have
Depend on you today
react to our life story
we different on what the at the
The limit in this milk carton is the
fourth and last question very interesting
means that I should not feel
Feel more if I have the responsibility
Of course, do not do it
It is very important to feel the emotions
the icy need that a feeling
has is to be feeling what we do
we take the mind with but the
will find the solutions and if we
The feeling really does feel real
then it will eventually go if we
do not feel it then we save ourselves
take off or pack somewhere
in our backpack and it’s called
that’s why not in the me
Responsibility take over what is here for him
It happens that I suppress something
However , this model can change
I’m not the energy anymore
I use it on the transmitter
to work to change it
to criticize him but that I too
I look at it and myself
recall
ok yes the feeling is in me I have
made it feel like yes
as far as my thoughts on
self-responsibility for our feelings
If I take the three sets home
are allowed to give that just the three
mentioned to the first one is all by yourself
responsible for what he feels for
second, no matter what other people
this limit set in this milk bag
you have freedom if you care about it
to take you and if so what and to
third quite dependent on ours
Life story react like
different on what’s down here
on the border
and if you have this model in yours
wanting to integrate life is then
that the first one was about this
points to be aware of and in the second
It’s about practicing and I practice too
I will never believe it every day
and a third step can be
sometimes with his backpack too
employ and look which one
maybe even a cure
needed
So if you’re in next time
go to a supermarket and again the
wrong snake gets caught then wishes
I thank you for thinking of this milk carton
think and just remember it
more makes your feelings the outside
or yourself
[Applause]
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