[Applause] stigma with mental health not for me
stigma with mental health not for me
stigma with mental health not for me hopelessness and helplessness yes that’s
hopelessness and helplessness yes that’s
hopelessness and helplessness yes that’s me one in five American adults suffer
me one in five American adults suffer
me one in five American adults suffer from some kind of mental illness one in
from some kind of mental illness one in
from some kind of mental illness one in 25 American adults suffer from a severe
25 American adults suffer from a severe
25 American adults suffer from a severe mental illness things like schizophrenia
mental illness things like schizophrenia
mental illness things like schizophrenia dark depression ridden PTSD
dark depression ridden PTSD
dark depression ridden PTSD schizophrenia and and much much worse
schizophrenia and and much much worse
schizophrenia and and much much worse I’m bipolar 2 type 2 it’s a lesser form
I’m bipolar 2 type 2 it’s a lesser form
I’m bipolar 2 type 2 it’s a lesser form of the disorder I don’t get manic I
of the disorder I don’t get manic I
of the disorder I don’t get manic I don’t have mania I don’t have like sex
don’t have mania I don’t have like sex
don’t have mania I don’t have like sex rampages or I don’t spend my time at the
rampages or I don’t spend my time at the
rampages or I don’t spend my time at the casino gambling my savings away I know
casino gambling my savings away I know
casino gambling my savings away I know that sounds like fun I kind of wish
that sounds like fun I kind of wish
that sounds like fun I kind of wish I had that stuff but then I’d be broke I
I had that stuff but then I’d be broke I
I had that stuff but then I’d be broke I do get hypomania it’s it’s a lesser form
do get hypomania it’s it’s a lesser form
do get hypomania it’s it’s a lesser form of all that stuff it’s you’re actually
of all that stuff it’s you’re actually
of all that stuff it’s you’re actually seeing it right now how does it look
seeing it right now how does it look
seeing it right now how does it look does it look good good I get creative
does it look good good I get creative
does it look good good I get creative bursts of energy I’ll talk really fast I
bursts of energy I’ll talk really fast I
bursts of energy I’ll talk really fast I would talk with my hands if not for
would talk with my hands if not for
would talk with my hands if not for having the clicker and the microphone
having the clicker and the microphone
having the clicker and the microphone here I do get the depression part of
here I do get the depression part of
here I do get the depression part of bipolar really bad I get anxiety I get
bipolar really bad I get anxiety I get
bipolar really bad I get anxiety I get some OCD and if this is gonna make you
some OCD and if this is gonna make you
some OCD and if this is gonna make you leave now is the time I get suicidal
leave now is the time I get suicidal
leave now is the time I get suicidal thoughts this is that’s not funny to
thoughts this is that’s not funny to
thoughts this is that’s not funny to laugh at sir it’s not curable how fun is
laugh at sir it’s not curable how fun is
laugh at sir it’s not curable how fun is that it is very treatable we’re gonna
that it is very treatable we’re gonna
that it is very treatable we’re gonna talk about that it’s apocryphal you can
talk about that it’s apocryphal you can
talk about that it’s apocryphal you can give me the credit for it though
give me the credit for it though
give me the credit for it though Shakespeare Picasso is what you’ll find
Shakespeare Picasso is what you’ll find
Shakespeare Picasso is what you’ll find if you google it they say the meaning of
if you google it they say the meaning of
if you google it they say the meaning of life is to find your gift and the
life is to find your gift and the
life is to find your gift and the purpose of life is to give that gift
purpose of life is to give that gift
purpose of life is to give that gift away I hope my gift here today is to
away I hope my gift here today is to
away I hope my gift here today is to empower you and your loved ones to talk
empower you and your loved ones to talk
empower you and your loved ones to talk about mental health without stigma let’s
about mental health without stigma let’s
about mental health without stigma let’s jump back in to the early 2000s this is
jump back in to the early 2000s this is
jump back in to the early 2000s this is a good Ash life right straight off my
a good Ash life right straight off my
a good Ash life right straight off my myspace page it was the early 2000s I
myspace page it was the early 2000s I
myspace page it was the early 2000s I was living and working in Orlando my
was living and working in Orlando my
was living and working in Orlando my radio career was going exactly where I
radio career was going exactly where I
radio career was going exactly where I wanted it to go I was doing a morning
wanted it to go I was doing a morning
wanted it to go I was doing a morning show down there Orlando great place to
show down there Orlando great place to
show down there Orlando great place to live in vacation and all that
live in vacation and all that
live in vacation and all that morning show great music got the
morning show great music got the
morning show great music got the interview cool artists my hours I was at
interview cool artists my hours I was at
interview cool artists my hours I was at the pool by 11 a.m. the pool took a nap
the pool by 11 a.m. the pool took a nap
the pool by 11 a.m. the pool took a nap there went to the gym it was a wonderful
there went to the gym it was a wonderful
there went to the gym it was a wonderful life my career trajectory was right
life my career trajectory was right
life my career trajectory was right where I needed it to be on the weekends
where I needed it to be on the weekends
where I needed it to be on the weekends I knew a guy named DJ Jake he was
I knew a guy named DJ Jake he was
I knew a guy named DJ Jake he was essentially and we all had this friend
essentially and we all had this friend
essentially and we all had this friend he was the social mayor of Orlando Eye
he was the social mayor of Orlando Eye
he was the social mayor of Orlando Eye with DJ and host clubs and parties with
with DJ and host clubs and parties with
with DJ and host clubs and parties with him on Friday and Saturday nights I
him on Friday and Saturday nights I
him on Friday and Saturday nights I would drink for free
would drink for free
would drink for free do the deejaying thing hang out and hook
do the deejaying thing hang out and hook
do the deejaying thing hang out and hook up with really good-looking people I
up with really good-looking people I
up with really good-looking people I mean it’s good work for a
mean it’s good work for a
mean it’s good work for a twenty-something and I was able to have
twenty-something and I was able to have
twenty-something and I was able to have it and here’s where it gets scary there
it and here’s where it gets scary there
it and here’s where it gets scary there would be some Friday or Saturday nights
would be some Friday or Saturday nights
would be some Friday or Saturday nights again I’m twenty-something at this point
again I’m twenty-something at this point
again I’m twenty-something at this point early 20s and I would call Jake up and
early 20s and I would call Jake up and
early 20s and I would call Jake up and saying I don’t think I can make it
saying I don’t think I can make it
saying I don’t think I can make it tonight and he’d be totally
tonight and he’d be totally
tonight and he’d be totally understanding I didn’t understand it but
understanding I didn’t understand it but
understanding I didn’t understand it but there was something shackling me from
there was something shackling me from
there was something shackling me from the inside as to why it wasn’t shyness
the inside as to why it wasn’t shyness
the inside as to why it wasn’t shyness or introversion I just I couldn’t go and
or introversion I just I couldn’t go and
or introversion I just I couldn’t go and he was totally understanding of that
he was totally understanding of that
he was totally understanding of that will will jump ahead a little bit and
will will jump ahead a little bit and
will will jump ahead a little bit and we’ll go talk about my inner Web MD
we’ll go talk about my inner Web MD
we’ll go talk about my inner Web MD which whether you like Star Trek or Star
which whether you like Star Trek or Star
which whether you like Star Trek or Star Wars was on hyperdrive or warp speed
Wars was on hyperdrive or warp speed
Wars was on hyperdrive or warp speed when I was a little bit older my mid-20s
when I was a little bit older my mid-20s
when I was a little bit older my mid-20s living and working in Saginaw I enjoyed
living and working in Saginaw I enjoyed
living and working in Saginaw I enjoyed working there with the people made some
working there with the people made some
working there with the people made some lifelong friendships living in Saginaw
lifelong friendships living in Saginaw
lifelong friendships living in Saginaw we got it really good here where we’re
we got it really good here where we’re
we got it really good here where we’re at I would have these strange bouts of
at I would have these strange bouts of
at I would have these strange bouts of questions like did my social and sexual
questions like did my social and sexual
questions like did my social and sexual decisions in my recent past well did
decisions in my recent past well did
decisions in my recent past well did that wreck my liver or when it got
that wreck my liver or when it got
that wreck my liver or when it got really bad did I perhaps heavy as yet
really bad did I perhaps heavy as yet
really bad did I perhaps heavy as yet unidentified
unidentified
unidentified STD cancer aids hybrid I hadn’t been to
STD cancer aids hybrid I hadn’t been to
STD cancer aids hybrid I hadn’t been to the dentist in like five years so I just
the dentist in like five years so I just
the dentist in like five years so I just assumed my teeth would begin to fall out
assumed my teeth would begin to fall out
assumed my teeth would begin to fall out one by one by one and mind you there
one by one by one and mind you there
one by one by one and mind you there were no symptoms
were no symptoms
were no symptoms this all culminated this medical drama
this all culminated this medical drama
this all culminated this medical drama that puts that up that show with Ellen
that puts that up that show with Ellen
that puts that up that show with Ellen Pompeii to shame with a real ailment
Pompeii to shame with a real ailment
Pompeii to shame with a real ailment something in my chest here this anytime
something in my chest here this anytime
something in my chest here this anytime I would adjust anything mostly liquids
I would adjust anything mostly liquids
I would adjust anything mostly liquids it would feel like it would make Pompeii
it would feel like it would make Pompeii
it would feel like it would make Pompeii look like a match was flickering out and
look like a match was flickering out and
look like a match was flickering out and I just assumed it was kind of like the
I just assumed it was kind of like the
I just assumed it was kind of like the first of many heart attacks or heart
first of many heart attacks or heart
first of many heart attacks or heart problems anyway this is all up here I
problems anyway this is all up here I
problems anyway this is all up here I called my dad who is who is my rock with
called my dad who is who is my rock with
called my dad who is who is my rock with things and I was totally panicked and my
things and I was totally panicked and my
things and I was totally panicked and my dad still is my rock and I basically
dad still is my rock and I basically
dad still is my rock and I basically alluded to having a heart attack my
alluded to having a heart attack my
alluded to having a heart attack my dad’s like hold on a second like I mean
dad’s like hold on a second like I mean
dad’s like hold on a second like I mean the dad would say how long has this been
the dad would say how long has this been
the dad would say how long has this been going on and I’m like two weeks he’s
going on and I’m like two weeks he’s
going on and I’m like two weeks he’s like well okay well congratulations
like well okay well congratulations
like well okay well congratulations you’re having the longest heart attack
you’re having the longest heart attack
you’re having the longest heart attack in human history turns out it was like
in human history turns out it was like
in human history turns out it was like acid reflux and as you might have
acid reflux and as you might have
acid reflux and as you might have guessed where this is all going some
guessed where this is all going some
guessed where this is all going some volcanic levels of anxiety and this was
volcanic levels of anxiety and this was
volcanic levels of anxiety and this was on the days when I didn’t feel like I
on the days when I didn’t feel like I
on the days when I didn’t feel like I was depressed I was down I was sad and
was depressed I was down I was sad and
was depressed I was down I was sad and there was no reason like life was good
there was no reason like life was good
there was no reason like life was good sex was good my dog was good my friend
sex was good my dog was good my friend
sex was good my dog was good my friend work everything was good so it was one
work everything was good so it was one
work everything was good so it was one or the other and I would call these like
or the other and I would call these like
or the other and I would call these like the beginning of my emotional valleys so
the beginning of my emotional valleys so
the beginning of my emotional valleys so I wasn’t averse to it I’d been to a
I wasn’t averse to it I’d been to a
I wasn’t averse to it I’d been to a therapist the counselor in Orlando dr.
therapist the counselor in Orlando dr.
therapist the counselor in Orlando dr. Mary Leakey she’s probably dead now but
Mary Leakey she’s probably dead now but
Mary Leakey she’s probably dead now but she was very helpful I don’t know why I
she was very helpful I don’t know why I
she was very helpful I don’t know why I went I don’t know how she helped but she
went I don’t know how she helped but she
went I don’t know how she helped but she did in fact so much so that when DJ Jake
did in fact so much so that when DJ Jake
did in fact so much so that when DJ Jake called me and said hey can I can I talk
called me and said hey can I can I talk
called me and said hey can I can I talk to somebody okay she helped him too so
to somebody okay she helped him too so
to somebody okay she helped him too so now we’re in the summer of 2005 and
now we’re in the summer of 2005 and
now we’re in the summer of 2005 and again I decided to go back to a
again I decided to go back to a
again I decided to go back to a counselor these emotional valleys had
counselor these emotional valleys had
counselor these emotional valleys had become too much I explained to her what
become too much I explained to her what
become too much I explained to her what was going on she said I was a creative
was going on she said I was a creative
was going on she said I was a creative type intelligent and I’m thankful to
type intelligent and I’m thankful to
type intelligent and I’m thankful to have those two traits thanks to all this
have those two traits thanks to all this
have those two traits thanks to all this up here and what was going on but I
up here and what was going on but I
up here and what was going on but I expressed like low energy anxiety I
expressed like low energy anxiety I
expressed like low energy anxiety I didn’t want to socialize if I did and to
didn’t want to socialize if I did and to
didn’t want to socialize if I did and to this day my friends were in the room can
this day my friends were in the room can
this day my friends were in the room can attest to this I would be hesitant to
attest to this I would be hesitant to
attest to this I would be hesitant to make plans because when it would time
make plans because when it would time
make plans because when it would time would come to do the plans well Erik
would come to do the plans well Erik
would come to do the plans well Erik wouldn’t exactly be there or if he would
wouldn’t exactly be there or if he would
wouldn’t exactly be there or if he would he’d only be there for 10 minutes and
he’d only be there for 10 minutes and
he’d only be there for 10 minutes and then gone the other thing that anybody
then gone the other thing that anybody
then gone the other thing that anybody who has suffered from any kind of
who has suffered from any kind of
who has suffered from any kind of depression can sympathize with I didn’t
depression can sympathize with I didn’t
depression can sympathize with I didn’t want to get out of bed I had to though
want to get out of bed I had to though
want to get out of bed I had to though we have to get out of bed when I did get
we have to get out of bed when I did get
we have to get out of bed when I did get out of bed
out of bed
out of bed I counted the minutes and seconds for
I counted the minutes and seconds for
I counted the minutes and seconds for getting back into bed
getting back into bed
getting back into bed not because my bed was safe but because
not because my bed was safe but because
not because my bed was safe but because I could go to sleep and four six seven
I could go to sleep and four six seven
I could go to sleep and four six seven eight hours this mysterious melancholy
eight hours this mysterious melancholy
eight hours this mysterious melancholy was not anything I was thinking about
was not anything I was thinking about
was not anything I was thinking about she digested all this it said okay I got
she digested all this it said okay I got
she digested all this it said okay I got this bipolar too before the happy emoji
this bipolar too before the happy emoji
this bipolar too before the happy emoji even came around I was completely
even came around I was completely
even came around I was completely completely elated I was sitting down
completely elated I was sitting down
completely elated I was sitting down like this and then I literally got up
like this and then I literally got up
like this and then I literally got up and and cheered it’s like I won the
and and cheered it’s like I won the
and and cheered it’s like I won the Super Ball pour the damn Gatorade on me
Super Ball pour the damn Gatorade on me
Super Ball pour the damn Gatorade on me and she’s like well that’s not exactly
and she’s like well that’s not exactly
and she’s like well that’s not exactly the reaction I get when I tell somebody
the reaction I get when I tell somebody
the reaction I get when I tell somebody they’ve got a mental illness I said
they’ve got a mental illness I said
they’ve got a mental illness I said you’ve never met me before I was truly
you’ve never met me before I was truly
you’ve never met me before I was truly elated
elated
elated this was the best day of my life and it
this was the best day of my life and it
this was the best day of my life and it still is because I being endlessly
still is because I being endlessly
still is because I being endlessly curious knew who the enemy was
curious knew who the enemy was
curious knew who the enemy was I put my son’s ooh art of war hat on
I put my son’s ooh art of war hat on
I put my son’s ooh art of war hat on that I made at home and I said I’m gonna
that I made at home and I said I’m gonna
that I made at home and I said I’m gonna do whenever I know how to do besides
do whenever I know how to do besides
do whenever I know how to do besides going to therapy to beat this foe books
going to therapy to beat this foe books
going to therapy to beat this foe books you can laugh if you want cognitive
you can laugh if you want cognitive
you can laugh if you want cognitive behavioral therapy for dummies I went
behavioral therapy for dummies I went
behavioral therapy for dummies I went and bought this book and this other one
and bought this book and this other one
and bought this book and this other one right here this feeling good handbook it
right here this feeling good handbook it
right here this feeling good handbook it is what I call my my psychology Bible
is what I call my my psychology Bible
is what I call my my psychology Bible it’s the best piece of this I’ve ever
it’s the best piece of this I’ve ever
it’s the best piece of this I’ve ever read and both of these books and more
read and both of these books and more
read and both of these books and more offered me some very easy to digest
offered me some very easy to digest
offered me some very easy to digest practical applicable things that I was
practical applicable things that I was
practical applicable things that I was almost immediately able to improve what
almost immediately able to improve what
almost immediately able to improve what was going on with me I didn’t care the
was going on with me I didn’t care the
was going on with me I didn’t care the social cost I felt like and I
social cost I felt like and I
social cost I felt like and I didn’t know why but I knew why I just
didn’t know why but I knew why I just
didn’t know why but I knew why I just wanted to feel better some of these
wanted to feel better some of these
wanted to feel better some of these these books and others taught me certain
these books and others taught me certain
these books and others taught me certain techniques like what’s the worst that
techniques like what’s the worst that
techniques like what’s the worst that could happen I mean this doesn’t get me
could happen I mean this doesn’t get me
could happen I mean this doesn’t get me anxious I enjoy doing this but what’s
anxious I enjoy doing this but what’s
anxious I enjoy doing this but what’s the worst can happen if you came up here
the worst can happen if you came up here
the worst can happen if you came up here and if I called you up here to talk
and if I called you up here to talk
and if I called you up here to talk right now
right now
right now they blew you off you nothing on
they blew you off you nothing on
they blew you off you nothing on flooding and immersion good for anxiety
flooding and immersion good for anxiety
flooding and immersion good for anxiety or things you’re scared of because
or things you’re scared of because
or things you’re scared of because they’re often irrational immerse
they’re often irrational immerse
they’re often irrational immerse yourself flood yourself with what you’re
yourself flood yourself with what you’re
yourself flood yourself with what you’re afraid of and once you see that it’s
afraid of and once you see that it’s
afraid of and once you see that it’s irrational and sit through it sweat it
irrational and sit through it sweat it
irrational and sit through it sweat it out you’ll see it was irrational it will
out you’ll see it was irrational it will
out you’ll see it was irrational it will have gone away the last one
have gone away the last one
have gone away the last one fortune-telling we all do this
fortune-telling we all do this
fortune-telling we all do this especially if there’s something not
especially if there’s something not
especially if there’s something not right up here where the chemicals are
right up here where the chemicals are
right up here where the chemicals are wrong
wrong
wrong with me we predict what we think will
with me we predict what we think will
with me we predict what we think will happen it’s usually bad the other thing
happen it’s usually bad the other thing
happen it’s usually bad the other thing that we do is we think we know how we
that we do is we think we know how we
that we do is we think we know how we will react to bad situations two years
will react to bad situations two years
will react to bad situations two years ago if you would have told me I was
ago if you would have told me I was
ago if you would have told me I was gonna get fired and I’d probably be
gonna get fired and I’d probably be
gonna get fired and I’d probably be three sideways to Saturday not knowing
three sideways to Saturday not knowing
three sideways to Saturday not knowing what I was gonna do with myself Oh guess
what I was gonna do with myself Oh guess
what I was gonna do with myself Oh guess what I got fired and I’m up here right
what I got fired and I’m up here right
what I got fired and I’m up here right now
now
now these very applicable techniques helped
these very applicable techniques helped
these very applicable techniques helped me immensely look at it this way if I
me immensely look at it this way if I
me immensely look at it this way if I were to fall off the stage right now
were to fall off the stage right now
were to fall off the stage right now that would be embarrassing I’d probably
that would be embarrassing I’d probably
that would be embarrassing I’d probably be hurt too but if you strain something
be hurt too but if you strain something
be hurt too but if you strain something if you think you broke something if
if you think you broke something if
if you think you broke something if you’ve got a call forever that was not
you’ve got a call forever that was not
you’ve got a call forever that was not calling you out but if it gets real
calling you out but if it gets real
calling you out but if it gets real Flemmi we we’re unfortunately
Flemmi we we’re unfortunately
Flemmi we we’re unfortunately conditioned to to haul ass that first
conditioned to to haul ass that first
conditioned to to haul ass that first we’re gonna post about it on Facebook
we’re gonna post about it on Facebook
we’re gonna post about it on Facebook then we’re gonna haul ass to the doctor
then we’re gonna haul ass to the doctor
then we’re gonna haul ass to the doctor and we’re maybe we’re gonna go to Urgent
and we’re maybe we’re gonna go to Urgent
and we’re maybe we’re gonna go to Urgent Care 24/7 because now especially here
Care 24/7 because now especially here
Care 24/7 because now especially here where we live I can get to an urgent
where we live I can get to an urgent
where we live I can get to an urgent care faster than I can find a Starbucks
care faster than I can find a Starbucks
care faster than I can find a Starbucks and that’s saying something why why do
and that’s saying something why why do
and that’s saying something why why do we address that so quickly but not
we address that so quickly but not
we address that so quickly but not what’s up here because of stigma of
what’s up here because of stigma of
what’s up here because of stigma of course and usually what’s up here
course and usually what’s up here
course and usually what’s up here shrouds our judgment and obfuscates our
shrouds our judgment and obfuscates our
shrouds our judgment and obfuscates our happiness I’m the one in five I
happiness I’m the one in five I
happiness I’m the one in five I mentioned but there’s a lot of dark
mentioned but there’s a lot of dark
mentioned but there’s a lot of dark times where I inch closer to the one in
times where I inch closer to the one in
times where I inch closer to the one in twenty five the severe stuff I’ll tell
twenty five the severe stuff I’ll tell
twenty five the severe stuff I’ll tell you about a time I was living and
you about a time I was living and
you about a time I was living and working in Allentown again jobs going
working in Allentown again jobs going
working in Allentown again jobs going really well I was an hour from home
really well I was an hour from home
really well I was an hour from home originally from Philadelphia and I’m
originally from Philadelphia and I’m
originally from Philadelphia and I’m driving on a highway called 22 I called
driving on a highway called 22 I called
driving on a highway called 22 I called my dad I was in one of these emotional
my dad I was in one of these emotional
my dad I was in one of these emotional valleys so my dad knew where I was on
valleys so my dad knew where I was on
valleys so my dad knew where I was on the other end of the phone and I felt
the other end of the phone and I felt
the other end of the phone and I felt helpless I wanted to escape I was
helpless I wanted to escape I was
helpless I wanted to escape I was exasperated feeling like this and I said
exasperated feeling like this and I said
exasperated feeling like this and I said to my dad dad I don’t care right now if
to my dad dad I don’t care right now if
to my dad dad I don’t care right now if my car careened into the median I want
my car careened into the median I want
my car careened into the median I want this to end
there were silence on the other end of
there were silence on the other end of the phone had I jerked the wheel there
the phone had I jerked the wheel there
the phone had I jerked the wheel there would have been silence on my end of the
would have been silence on my end of the
would have been silence on my end of the phone and from that moment forward I
phone and from that moment forward I
phone and from that moment forward I resolved no matter how bleak things were
resolved no matter how bleak things were
resolved no matter how bleak things were I couldn’t go through with that 90% of
I couldn’t go through with that 90% of
I couldn’t go through with that 90% of suicides are connected
suicides are connected
suicides are connected if suicide bothers you I suggest you
if suicide bothers you I suggest you
if suicide bothers you I suggest you leave right now because I’m gonna say
leave right now because I’m gonna say
leave right now because I’m gonna say some pretty challenging things to what
some pretty challenging things to what
some pretty challenging things to what you think about this 90% of suicides are
you think about this 90% of suicides are
you think about this 90% of suicides are connected to mental health the other 10%
connected to mental health the other 10%
connected to mental health the other 10% I like to say you will little Tony a lot
I like to say you will little Tony a lot
I like to say you will little Tony a lot of money I’m working on that joke I
of money I’m working on that joke I
of money I’m working on that joke I swear working on that one I’m working on
swear working on that one I’m working on
swear working on that one I’m working on that one all right so go back to the
that one all right so go back to the
that one all right so go back to the 90/10 thing um healthy minded people
90/10 thing um healthy minded people
90/10 thing um healthy minded people when everything is working right up here
when everything is working right up here
when everything is working right up here don’t get out of bed enjoy a day like
don’t get out of bed enjoy a day like
don’t get out of bed enjoy a day like this go to the gym come home and go you
this go to the gym come home and go you
this go to the gym come home and go you know what I’m gonna blow my
know what I’m gonna blow my
know what I’m gonna blow my brains out today that’s the disease
brains out today that’s the disease
brains out today that’s the disease that’s the illness talking I like I said
that’s the illness talking I like I said
that’s the illness talking I like I said if ever resolved never to do that
if ever resolved never to do that
if ever resolved never to do that although I have had suicidal thoughts
although I have had suicidal thoughts
although I have had suicidal thoughts and I immediately think back to my dad
and I immediately think back to my dad
and I immediately think back to my dad I’ve wanted to escape this darkness
I’ve wanted to escape this darkness
I’ve wanted to escape this darkness before thankfully I haven’t gone through
before thankfully I haven’t gone through
before thankfully I haven’t gone through with it I don’t know where I think I go
with it I don’t know where I think I go
with it I don’t know where I think I go not a religious person maybe where I
not a religious person maybe where I
not a religious person maybe where I would go is worse
would go is worse
would go is worse I don’t know I’m here so I haven’t been
I don’t know I’m here so I haven’t been
I don’t know I’m here so I haven’t been there I know that you don’t come back
the emotional shrapnel that flies from
the emotional shrapnel that flies from committing that act is unconscionable
committing that act is unconscionable
committing that act is unconscionable the emotional collateral damage that you
the emotional collateral damage that you
the emotional collateral damage that you caused from that selfish act to escape
caused from that selfish act to escape
caused from that selfish act to escape whatever it is is unthinkable but we
whatever it is is unthinkable but we
whatever it is is unthinkable but we don’t talk about this stuff you don’t
don’t talk about this stuff you don’t
don’t talk about this stuff you don’t talk about it I do
talk about it I do
talk about it I do it’s stigmatized for most people we’re
it’s stigmatized for most people we’re
it’s stigmatized for most people we’re not where we need to be
not where we need to be
not where we need to be we’re not pre Freudian times anymore
we’re not pre Freudian times anymore
we’re not pre Freudian times anymore we’re not in the 1950s there is no
we’re not in the 1950s there is no
we’re not in the 1950s there is no vehicle outside that’s gonna say Eric
vehicle outside that’s gonna say Eric
vehicle outside that’s gonna say Eric you got to come with us back in the
you got to come with us back in the
you got to come with us back in the straitjacket I’m not going back to any
straitjacket I’m not going back to any
straitjacket I’m not going back to any asylum and yes the shirt I didn’t dress
asylum and yes the shirt I didn’t dress
asylum and yes the shirt I didn’t dress up because of the meeting here the
up because of the meeting here the
up because of the meeting here the duality of this all I’m not going back
duality of this all I’m not going back
duality of this all I’m not going back to an asylum we don’t call him that
to an asylum we don’t call him that
to an asylum we don’t call him that anymore
anymore
anymore I’m not going to be institutionalized no
I’m not going to be institutionalized no
I’m not going to be institutionalized no one’s going to take me after this and
one’s going to take me after this and
one’s going to take me after this and cut my skull open and take out parts of
cut my skull open and take out parts of
cut my skull open and take out parts of my brain we don’t do that anymore all
my brain we don’t do that anymore all
my brain we don’t do that anymore all these words right here if I were to go
these words right here if I were to go
these words right here if I were to go to a psychological professional a
to a psychological professional a
to a psychological professional a counselor for the very first time and
counselor for the very first time and
counselor for the very first time and sat down and explained all the things
sat down and explained all the things
sat down and explained all the things I’m telling you guys
I’m telling you guys
I’m telling you guys they’re not gonna say I’m psycho or mad
they’re not gonna say I’m psycho or mad
they’re not gonna say I’m psycho or mad or a weirdo crazy a lunatic none of
or a weirdo crazy a lunatic none of
or a weirdo crazy a lunatic none of those words are gonna get used I do my
those words are gonna get used I do my
those words are gonna get used I do my best to take them out of my daily
best to take them out of my daily
best to take them out of my daily lexicon especially in this context let’s
lexicon especially in this context let’s
lexicon especially in this context let’s do a little exercise what’s the worst
do a little exercise what’s the worst
do a little exercise what’s the worst that could happen from a couple of
that could happen from a couple of
that could happen from a couple of minutes ago if you may be inspired by me
minutes ago if you may be inspired by me
minutes ago if you may be inspired by me here today or someone else who talks
here today or someone else who talks
here today or someone else who talks about this stuff you want to talk to a
about this stuff you want to talk to a
about this stuff you want to talk to a friend about some depressive feelings
friend about some depressive feelings
friend about some depressive feelings maybe some dark ones one of two things
maybe some dark ones one of two things
maybe some dark ones one of two things is likely to happen very they’re gonna
is likely to happen very they’re gonna
is likely to happen very they’re gonna say what can I do to get you some help
say what can I do to get you some help
say what can I do to get you some help I’ve heard about free resources like
I’ve heard about free resources like
I’ve heard about free resources like Nami we’re gonna get you there right
Nami we’re gonna get you there right
Nami we’re gonna get you there right away or they’re gonna say you’re crazy
away or they’re gonna say you’re crazy
away or they’re gonna say you’re crazy let’s have a drink and we’ll get over it
let’s have a drink and we’ll get over it
let’s have a drink and we’ll get over it they’re either not as close as you
they’re either not as close as you
they’re either not as close as you thought or they’re ignorant to where
thought or they’re ignorant to where
thought or they’re ignorant to where we’re going with mental health and
we’re going with mental health and
we’re going with mental health and raising more and more awareness I told
raising more and more awareness I told
raising more and more awareness I told you this isn’t curable but a damn sure
you this isn’t curable but a damn sure
you this isn’t curable but a damn sure is treatable it’s why I’m standing here
is treatable it’s why I’m standing here
is treatable it’s why I’m standing here today the other bad news is it’s often
today the other bad news is it’s often
today the other bad news is it’s often progressive as it gets stronger I you
progressive as it gets stronger I you
progressive as it gets stronger I you have to get stronger just like we work
have to get stronger just like we work
have to get stronger just like we work out of the gym to get stronger or faster
out of the gym to get stronger or faster
out of the gym to get stronger or faster we got to work out up here we got to get
we got to work out up here we got to get
we got to work out up here we got to get more educated we got to follow the
more educated we got to follow the
more educated we got to follow the science the imaging is getting better so
science the imaging is getting better so
science the imaging is getting better so we can better diagnose these therapists
we can better diagnose these therapists
we can better diagnose these therapists I’ve been to a lot of them the one I
I’ve been to a lot of them the one I
I’ve been to a lot of them the one I have right now is absolutely incredible
have right now is absolutely incredible
have right now is absolutely incredible you might not click with the first or
you might not click with the first or
you might not click with the first or second one but the right one is out
second one but the right one is out
second one but the right one is out there when you decide to seek the help
there when you decide to seek the help
there when you decide to seek the help or help for that person employers ask
or help for that person employers ask
or help for that person employers ask about EAP programs Employee Assistance
about EAP programs Employee Assistance
about EAP programs Employee Assistance Programs they give you like three five
Programs they give you like three five
Programs they give you like three five seven confidential visits obviously free
seven confidential visits obviously free
seven confidential visits obviously free visits so you can find the right person
visits so you can find the right person
visits so you can find the right person I like to relate counselors and therapy
I like to relate counselors and therapy
I like to relate counselors and therapy to dating you date a lot of different
to dating you date a lot of different
to dating you date a lot of different people before you find that’s that
people before you find that’s that
people before you find that’s that person that you’re going to spend a long
person that you’re going to spend a long
person that you’re going to spend a long time with because they understand how
time with because they understand how
time with because they understand how you think how you talk
you think how you talk
you think how you talk maybe you connect better with someone of
maybe you connect better with someone of
maybe you connect better with someone of the opposite sex or the same sex
the opposite sex or the same sex
the opposite sex or the same sex medications this has been the most
medications this has been the most
medications this has been the most trying part of all of this for me
trying part of all of this for me
trying part of all of this for me because the side effects you’ve heard
because the side effects you’ve heard
because the side effects you’ve heard and read all about them
and read all about them
and read all about them one medication that I thought was
one medication that I thought was
one medication that I thought was working it lifted my depression but in
working it lifted my depression but in
working it lifted my depression but in the middle of the day I was sedated so I
the middle of the day I was sedated so I
the middle of the day I was sedated so I was depressed from wanting to go to bed
was depressed from wanting to go to bed
was depressed from wanting to go to bed at 8 o’clock different dosages
at 8 o’clock different dosages
at 8 o’clock different dosages experimentation what works combinations
experimentation what works combinations
experimentation what works combinations it’s challenging I’m not gonna lie to
it’s challenging I’m not gonna lie to
it’s challenging I’m not gonna lie to you about that it’s tough in fact right
you about that it’s tough in fact right
you about that it’s tough in fact right now what I’m on is cymbalta
now what I’m on is cymbalta
now what I’m on is cymbalta I was on wellbutrin for a very long time
I was on wellbutrin for a very long time
I was on wellbutrin for a very long time I didn’t know that cymbalta which was
I didn’t know that cymbalta which was
I didn’t know that cymbalta which was suggested to me by a friend for some
suggested to me by a friend for some
suggested to me by a friend for some chronic pain was going to work better I
chronic pain was going to work better I
chronic pain was going to work better I just stumbled on to it not only is it
just stumbled on to it not only is it
just stumbled on to it not only is it squashed laying my depression but it is
squashed laying my depression but it is
squashed laying my depression but it is completely quelled any of my anxiety as
completely quelled any of my anxiety as
completely quelled any of my anxiety as well and I stumbled onto it so stick
well and I stumbled onto it so stick
well and I stumbled onto it so stick with it I assure you the daily struggle
with it I assure you the daily struggle
with it I assure you the daily struggle will be less of one my dogs are my
will be less of one my dogs are my
will be less of one my dogs are my therapy the gym is my therapy doing this
therapy the gym is my therapy doing this
therapy the gym is my therapy doing this is my therapy I’ve got to know my
is my therapy I’ve got to know my
is my therapy I’ve got to know my triggers like stress which we can’t
triggers like stress which we can’t
triggers like stress which we can’t avoid I’ve got to watch out for the
avoid I’ve got to watch out for the
avoid I’ve got to watch out for the cloud but the triggers one is alcohol
cloud but the triggers one is alcohol
cloud but the triggers one is alcohol don’t let this stop you from drinking
don’t let this stop you from drinking
don’t let this stop you from drinking here today and have a good time I’ve got
here today and have a good time I’ve got
here today and have a good time I’ve got to limit my alcohol which is difficult
to limit my alcohol which is difficult
to limit my alcohol which is difficult because I like to drink for two reasons
because I like to drink for two reasons
because I like to drink for two reasons one it’s a depressant two it inhibits my
one it’s a depressant two it inhibits my
one it’s a depressant two it inhibits my medication ability to do what it’s
medication ability to do what it’s
medication ability to do what it’s supposed to do it fuels that cloud that
supposed to do it fuels that cloud that
supposed to do it fuels that cloud that cloud gets bigger and stronger when I
cloud gets bigger and stronger when I
cloud gets bigger and stronger when I ask myself some existential questions
ask myself some existential questions
ask myself some existential questions about life like maybe I shouldn’t be
about life like maybe I shouldn’t be
about life like maybe I shouldn’t be doing radio or Facebook live for my
doing radio or Facebook live for my
doing radio or Facebook live for my living room maybe I should go home and
living room maybe I should go home and
living room maybe I should go home and live with my dad and Philadelphia maybe
live with my dad and Philadelphia maybe
live with my dad and Philadelphia maybe I should say fu to their hurricanes I’m
I should say fu to their hurricanes I’m
I should say fu to their hurricanes I’m going to live in the tropics the more
going to live in the tropics the more
going to live in the tropics the more outlandish those questions get the
outlandish those questions get the
outlandish those questions get the bigger that cloud is that cloud is not
bigger that cloud is that cloud is not
bigger that cloud is that cloud is not filled with rain or nudes or dick pecks
filled with rain or nudes or dick pecks
filled with rain or nudes or dick pecks a couple of dick pics it’s filled with
a couple of dick pics it’s filled with
a couple of dick pics it’s filled with have a creaking depression so how do I
have a creaking depression so how do I
have a creaking depression so how do I fight it off how do I move it away from
fight it off how do I move it away from
fight it off how do I move it away from me get back into a routine get your ass
me get back into a routine get your ass
me get back into a routine get your ass up and go to the gym take the dogs for a
up and go to the gym take the dogs for a
up and go to the gym take the dogs for a longer walk if it’s really serious
longer walk if it’s really serious
longer walk if it’s really serious go see your therapist maybe your
go see your therapist maybe your
go see your therapist maybe your medications need to be changed it says
medications need to be changed it says
medications need to be changed it says stay in bed it says don’t socialize it
stay in bed it says don’t socialize it
stay in bed it says don’t socialize it says have a couple more drinks I’ve got
says have a couple more drinks I’ve got
says have a couple more drinks I’ve got to do the opposite of what it’s telling
to do the opposite of what it’s telling
to do the opposite of what it’s telling me to do so that I can shrink it and
me to do so that I can shrink it and
me to do so that I can shrink it and push it away for one more day I know we
push it away for one more day I know we
push it away for one more day I know we were talking superhero as earlier with
were talking superhero as earlier with
were talking superhero as earlier with Alex’s stuff I wish I was a superhero I
Alex’s stuff I wish I was a superhero I
Alex’s stuff I wish I was a superhero I mean it’s a it’s a good job good hours
mean it’s a it’s a good job good hours
mean it’s a it’s a good job good hours they’re usually rich I’m down with
they’re usually rich I’m down with
they’re usually rich I’m down with wearing a cape and a costume you get
wearing a cape and a costume you get
wearing a cape and a costume you get pretty girls you get to beat up bad guys
pretty girls you get to beat up bad guys
pretty girls you get to beat up bad guys there’s really very little bad stuff
there’s really very little bad stuff
there’s really very little bad stuff about it
about it
about it I don’t have a single traditional
I don’t have a single traditional
I don’t have a single traditional superpower but I can stand up here and
superpower but I can stand up here and
superpower but I can stand up here and talk about mental health without stigma
talk about mental health without stigma
talk about mental health without stigma and you can talk about mental health
and you can talk about mental health
and you can talk about mental health without stigma as well
without stigma as well
without stigma as well it is cathartic it is medicinal I told
it is cathartic it is medicinal I told
it is cathartic it is medicinal I told you how my mind has concocted some
you how my mind has concocted some
you how my mind has concocted some insidious and I thought fatal diseases
insidious and I thought fatal diseases
insidious and I thought fatal diseases I have shunned responsibilities and jobs
I have shunned responsibilities and jobs
I have shunned responsibilities and jobs and friends and relationships I have
and friends and relationships I have
and friends and relationships I have thought about what the world my dad and
thought about what the world my dad and
thought about what the world my dad and my dogs would be like without me in it
my dogs would be like without me in it
my dogs would be like without me in it but I’m still here because I’ve armed
but I’m still here because I’ve armed
but I’m still here because I’ve armed myself with everything that I talked
myself with everything that I talked
myself with everything that I talked about the free roofs resources like Nami
about the free roofs resources like Nami
about the free roofs resources like Nami your counselors our EAP by dog you could
your counselors our EAP by dog you could
your counselors our EAP by dog you could do the same as we wrap up here do me a
do the same as we wrap up here do me a
do the same as we wrap up here do me a couple of favors in those darkest hours
couple of favors in those darkest hours
couple of favors in those darkest hours know that you’re not alone there’s
know that you’re not alone there’s
know that you’re not alone there’s millions of us there’s millions of me
millions of us there’s millions of me
millions of us there’s millions of me but to end in those dark and hopeless
but to end in those dark and hopeless
but to end in those dark and hopeless and helpless of times remember those two
and helpless of times remember those two
and helpless of times remember those two key root words help and hope they are
key root words help and hope they are
key root words help and hope they are there for you I’m happy of two to have
there for you I’m happy of two to have
there for you I’m happy of two to have been as well
been as well
been as well and thank you
you
you [Applause]
”
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