Design Yourself and Then Your Destination. | Steffan Zachiyah | TEDxYouth@Brum

[Music]

[Music] [Applause]

[Applause]

[Applause] as a baby

as a baby

as a baby we’re merely curious about this

we’re merely curious about this

we’re merely curious about this brand-new world that we just entered I

brand-new world that we just entered I

brand-new world that we just entered I literally just want to try everything

literally just want to try everything

literally just want to try everything right but the one thing that I want to

right but the one thing that I want to

right but the one thing that I want to do the most is learn to walk and after

do the most is learn to walk and after

do the most is learn to walk and after we’ve taken our first few steps we want

we’ve taken our first few steps we want

we’ve taken our first few steps we want to explore that curiosity in depth so

to explore that curiosity in depth so

to explore that curiosity in depth so then we start to discover the more the

then we start to discover the more the

then we start to discover the more the yeses and the knows the rights and the

yeses and the knows the rights and the

yeses and the knows the rights and the wrongs and like myself I knew the word

wrongs and like myself I knew the word

wrongs and like myself I knew the word know or – well I’m sorry Stef you can’t

know or – well I’m sorry Stef you can’t

know or – well I’m sorry Stef you can’t play that character because you’re not a

play that character because you’re not a

play that character because you’re not a boy said mr. insert used his name here I

boy said mr. insert used his name here I

boy said mr. insert used his name here I was studying drama back in college my

was studying drama back in college my

was studying drama back in college my last year got handed the script I had

last year got handed the script I had

last year got handed the script I had four main characters two guys two girls

four main characters two guys two girls

four main characters two guys two girls and confidently went somewhere QL said I

and confidently went somewhere QL said I

and confidently went somewhere QL said I want to play this character which is a

want to play this character which is a

want to play this character which is a guy I said I can commit to this

guy I said I can commit to this

guy I said I can commit to this character but she said no you can’t and

character but she said no you can’t and

character but she said no you can’t and because I wasn’t willing to paying if

because I wasn’t willing to paying if

because I wasn’t willing to paying if any of the other characters

any of the other characters

any of the other characters I decided play chicken chicken had two

I decided play chicken chicken had two

I decided play chicken chicken had two lines I was okay with that but from that

lines I was okay with that but from that

lines I was okay with that but from that from that line that Matua said to me

from that line that Matua said to me

from that line that Matua said to me changed my whole entire life from then

changed my whole entire life from then

changed my whole entire life from then forward and then began to explore my

forward and then began to explore my

forward and then began to explore my identity a little bit more because I

identity a little bit more because I

identity a little bit more because I wanted to uncover and unpack these

wanted to uncover and unpack these

wanted to uncover and unpack these feelings that I had as an individual and

feelings that I had as an individual and

feelings that I had as an individual and understand the world world a little bit

understand the world world a little bit

understand the world world a little bit more different from my perspective so

more different from my perspective so

more different from my perspective so then I wanted to create him a project go

then I wanted to create him a project go

then I wanted to create him a project go through my eyes which is what I use the

through my eyes which is what I use the

through my eyes which is what I use the on screen now

through my eyes was his story it was her

through my eyes was his story it was her story and it was my story which made it

story and it was my story which made it

story and it was my story which made it our story the guy in the black was the

our story the guy in the black was the

our story the guy in the black was the story that I related to the most

story that I related to the most

story that I related to the most his name was Mikkel once known as me the

his name was Mikkel once known as me the

his name was Mikkel once known as me the lady in the orange with his mom the lady

lady in the orange with his mom the lady

lady in the orange with his mom the lady with the braids was his twin sister and

with the braids was his twin sister and

with the braids was his twin sister and I at the back well he was his older

I at the back well he was his older

I at the back well he was his older brother

brother

brother now Mikkel was struggling to find his

now Mikkel was struggling to find his

now Mikkel was struggling to find his identity but when he found his identity

identity but when he found his identity

identity but when he found his identity he want to do it he wants it to just

he want to do it he wants it to just

he want to do it he wants it to just only he wanted to live in his truth but

only he wanted to live in his truth but

only he wanted to live in his truth but the one thing that he was we wanted the

the one thing that he was we wanted the

the one thing that he was we wanted the most was acceptance now he gained

most was acceptance now he gained

most was acceptance now he gained acceptance from his mom and his sister

acceptance from his mom and his sister

acceptance from his mom and his sister but the biggest struggle was his brother

this is a story that predicted my gender

this is a story that predicted my gender transition in 2013 this was me as a

transition in 2013 this was me as a

transition in 2013 this was me as a little baby in 1993 2014 I decided to

little baby in 1993 2014 I decided to

little baby in 1993 2014 I decided to embody what I call a social transition

embody what I call a social transition

embody what I call a social transition because I wanted to unpack these

because I wanted to unpack these

because I wanted to unpack these stereotypical labels that had stigma

stereotypical labels that had stigma

stereotypical labels that had stigma surround them and I started with the L

surround them and I started with the L

surround them and I started with the L the G and the B and the T LGBT community

the G and the B and the T LGBT community

the G and the B and the T LGBT community and I realized that I fit into the t but

and I realized that I fit into the t but

and I realized that I fit into the t but the T stood out from the L G and the B

the T stood out from the L G and the B

the T stood out from the L G and the B so again I felt isolated I felt alone so

so again I felt isolated I felt alone so

so again I felt isolated I felt alone so I went through a depression of state

I went through a depression of state

I went through a depression of state during those times 2014 2015 I had very

during those times 2014 2015 I had very

during those times 2014 2015 I had very small support system around me but I had

small support system around me but I had

small support system around me but I had myself and because I went downhill I

myself and because I went downhill I

myself and because I went downhill I understood that I needed to make this

understood that I needed to make this

understood that I needed to make this transition in order to make myself feel

transition in order to make myself feel

transition in order to make myself feel accepted

accepted

accepted and through my eyes was a part of that

and through my eyes was a part of that

and through my eyes was a part of that journey because it helped me share my

journey because it helped me share my

journey because it helped me share my vulnerability my vulnerability as a

vulnerability my vulnerability as a

vulnerability my vulnerability as a human being I was naked at the eye I was

human being I was naked at the eye I was

human being I was naked at the eye I was scared of what other people would say I

scared of what other people would say I

scared of what other people would say I was scared the judgments that were

was scared the judgments that were

was scared the judgments that were thrown a suffering with anxiety it

thrown a suffering with anxiety it

thrown a suffering with anxiety it suffered with depression just like most

suffered with depression just like most

suffered with depression just like most of us in this all the audience but I

of us in this all the audience but I

of us in this all the audience but I knew I had to pick myself up in order to

knew I had to pick myself up in order to

knew I had to pick myself up in order to be able to navigate through my next

be able to navigate through my next

be able to navigate through my next chapter of my life I needed to make this

chapter of my life I needed to make this

chapter of my life I needed to make this transition and yes it was a generous

transition and yes it was a generous

transition and yes it was a generous transition but if whenever did this one

transition but if whenever did this one

transition but if whenever did this one gender transition transition I’m gonna

gender transition transition I’m gonna

gender transition transition I’m gonna be able to socially transition I

be able to socially transition I

be able to socially transition I wouldn’t be able to sit in a car full of

wouldn’t be able to sit in a car full of

wouldn’t be able to sit in a car full of people and feel okay to be myself I

people and feel okay to be myself I

people and feel okay to be myself I wouldn’t be able to leave my house I

wouldn’t be able to leave my house I

wouldn’t be able to leave my house I wouldn’t be able to essentially be me

wouldn’t be able to essentially be me

wouldn’t be able to essentially be me and in 2016 I looked in the mirror I

and in 2016 I looked in the mirror I

and in 2016 I looked in the mirror I said I know this guy this is the guy

said I know this guy this is the guy

said I know this guy this is the guy that was hiding inside of me this whole

that was hiding inside of me this whole

that was hiding inside of me this whole time and the fact that I predicted my

time and the fact that I predicted my

time and the fact that I predicted my gender transition through my craft my

gender transition through my craft my

gender transition through my craft my craft conceived the whole of my life

craft conceived the whole of my life

craft conceived the whole of my life it’s why I used to love it it’s what I

it’s why I used to love it it’s what I

it’s why I used to love it it’s what I love doing filmmaking directing being

love doing filmmaking directing being

love doing filmmaking directing being able to tell those stories that people

able to tell those stories that people

able to tell those stories that people are afraid to speak about being able to

are afraid to speak about being able to

are afraid to speak about being able to just unpack and unpack and understand

just unpack and unpack and understand

just unpack and unpack and understand all these stereotypical labels that you

all these stereotypical labels that you

all these stereotypical labels that you know we indulge in everything that

know we indulge in everything that

know we indulge in everything that identifies us I need to understand who I

identifies us I need to understand who I

identifies us I need to understand who I was and who I was going to become and

was and who I was going to become and

was and who I was going to become and from discovering my identity I then

from discovering my identity I then

from discovering my identity I then understood that my identity isn’t a

understood that my identity isn’t a

understood that my identity isn’t a hundred percent of me it’s not all of me

hundred percent of me it’s not all of me

hundred percent of me it’s not all of me there’s so much more to me than my

there’s so much more to me than my

there’s so much more to me than my identity so once that was dealt with I

identity so once that was dealt with I

identity so once that was dealt with I was now able to move forward

was now able to move forward

was now able to move forward able to navigate through my career

able to navigate through my career

able to navigate through my career socially in the way I feel comfortable

socially in the way I feel comfortable

socially in the way I feel comfortable so I had to make myself feel

so I had to make myself feel

so I had to make myself feel uncomfortable and vulnerable in order to

uncomfortable and vulnerable in order to

uncomfortable and vulnerable in order to be able to

be able to

be able to stand here today and disclose this

stand here today and disclose this

stand here today and disclose this information to you suit me forward I

told myself every single year I want to

told myself every single year I want to leave a legacy and from the moment of

leave a legacy and from the moment of

leave a legacy and from the moment of through my eyes every single year apart

through my eyes every single year apart

through my eyes every single year apart from 2014 because I was working and

from 2014 because I was working and

from 2014 because I was working and killing in my new one in 2014 got

killing in my new one in 2014 got

killing in my new one in 2014 got released in 2015 I made a film and this

released in 2015 I made a film and this

released in 2015 I made a film and this is all I wanted to do but like I said I

is all I wanted to do but like I said I

is all I wanted to do but like I said I couldn’t do it because I never had the

couldn’t do it because I never had the

couldn’t do it because I never had the confidence to because I never felt I

confidence to because I never felt I

confidence to because I never felt I would be perceived the way I see myself

so from 2013 up until 15 16 and 17

so from 2013 up until 15 16 and 17 I have believed in legacies behind

I have believed in legacies behind

I have believed in legacies behind because I want to be known as Stefan’s

because I want to be known as Stefan’s

because I want to be known as Stefan’s acquire the filmmaker not Stefan’s

acquire the filmmaker not Stefan’s

acquire the filmmaker not Stefan’s acquire the trans man I’m a man of the

acquire the trans man I’m a man of the

acquire the trans man I’m a man of the trans experience but that does not

trans experience but that does not

trans experience but that does not dictate my whole identity so I want you

dictate my whole identity so I want you

dictate my whole identity so I want you guys to repeat after me you have to know

guys to repeat after me you have to know

guys to repeat after me you have to know who you are and know where you’re coming

who you are and know where you’re coming

who you are and know where you’re coming from in order to know where you’re going

from in order to know where you’re going

from in order to know where you’re going one more time with conviction you have

one more time with conviction you have

one more time with conviction you have to know where you who you are

to know where you who you are

to know where you who you are and where you coming from you know

and where you coming from you know

and where you coming from you know there’s no way you’re going peace

there’s no way you’re going peace

there’s no way you’re going peace [Applause]