[Music] [Applause]
[Applause]
[Applause] [Music]
what do you want to create where do you
what do you want to create where do you share this with others and how do you
share this with others and how do you
share this with others and how do you want them to feel as a brand designer I
want them to feel as a brand designer I
want them to feel as a brand designer I ask a lot of questions and practice
ask a lot of questions and practice
ask a lot of questions and practice empathy to understand from people their
empathy to understand from people their
empathy to understand from people their personalities and motivations behind the
personalities and motivations behind the
personalities and motivations behind the why of what they do to help them express
why of what they do to help them express
why of what they do to help them express themselves sometimes transforming ugly
themselves sometimes transforming ugly
themselves sometimes transforming ugly moments into unique ones or turning
moments into unique ones or turning
moments into unique ones or turning something ordinary into something
something ordinary into something
something ordinary into something memorable to help the face behind a
memorable to help the face behind a
memorable to help the face behind a brand express themselves through
brand express themselves through
brand express themselves through beautiful experiences but what happens
beautiful experiences but what happens
beautiful experiences but what happens when the experience you’ve been asked to
when the experience you’ve been asked to
when the experience you’ve been asked to design is death and a face behind that
design is death and a face behind that
design is death and a face behind that brand is your very own mother this was
brand is your very own mother this was
brand is your very own mother this was the design challenge I was faced with
the design challenge I was faced with
the design challenge I was faced with last year when my mom was diagnosed with
last year when my mom was diagnosed with
last year when my mom was diagnosed with stage four cancer and she asked us to
stage four cancer and she asked us to
stage four cancer and she asked us to support her end-of-life for 12 years she
support her end-of-life for 12 years she
support her end-of-life for 12 years she was in remission from a previous cancer
was in remission from a previous cancer
was in remission from a previous cancer she had a tumor behind her ear and this
she had a tumor behind her ear and this
she had a tumor behind her ear and this time it came back as bone cancer in one
time it came back as bone cancer in one
time it came back as bone cancer in one of her vertebrae what we all thought was
of her vertebrae what we all thought was
of her vertebrae what we all thought was back pain from arthritis revealed itself
back pain from arthritis revealed itself
back pain from arthritis revealed itself to be the worst it was the beginning of
to be the worst it was the beginning of
to be the worst it was the beginning of the end of her life but first let me
the end of her life but first let me
the end of her life but first let me tell you about my mom she was born in
tell you about my mom she was born in
tell you about my mom she was born in China in 1948 she and her twin brother
China in 1948 she and her twin brother
China in 1948 she and her twin brother grew up in a large family her mother was
grew up in a large family her mother was
grew up in a large family her mother was the second wife to her father and second
the second wife to her father and second
the second wife to her father and second wives and their children or in feud in
wives and their children or in feud in
wives and their children or in feud in the most positive light because it was
the most positive light because it was
the most positive light because it was just the cultural norm of the time and
just the cultural norm of the time and
just the cultural norm of the time and growing up in communist China in the
growing up in communist China in the
growing up in communist China in the 1950s as a daughter and not a son meant
1950s as a daughter and not a son meant
1950s as a daughter and not a son meant that my mom was not the pride of the
that my mom was not the pride of the
that my mom was not the pride of the family and she knew she wanted better
family and she knew she wanted better
family and she knew she wanted better and needed to get out so she got tough
and needed to get out so she got tough
and needed to get out so she got tough developed thick skin and decided to
developed thick skin and decided to
developed thick skin and decided to fight for her life she fled China to
fight for her life she fled China to
fight for her life she fled China to Hong Kong and when she was 22 she
Hong Kong and when she was 22 she
Hong Kong and when she was 22 she married my dad and they made their life
married my dad and they made their life
married my dad and they made their life in the United States and she continued
in the United States and she continued
in the United States and she continued to fight she was persistent fearless she
to fight she was persistent fearless she
to fight she was persistent fearless she never took no for an answer
never took no for an answer
never took no for an answer we always said that she could charm the
we always said that she could charm the
we always said that she could charm the skin off of a snake or just whip it into
skin off of a snake or just whip it into
skin off of a snake or just whip it into a straight line going up with her mom
a straight line going up with her mom
a straight line going up with her mom she fought for my sisters and I to get
she fought for my sisters and I to get
she fought for my sisters and I to get into the best classes in school even
into the best classes in school even
into the best classes in school even though they were full she fought for a
though they were full she fought for a
though they were full she fought for a prime real estate location for my dad so
prime real estate location for my dad so
prime real estate location for my dad so he could start his own business and as a
he could start his own business and as a
he could start his own business and as a teenager with me we fought a lot over
teenager with me we fought a lot over
teenager with me we fought a lot over bad boyfriends body piercings punk music
bad boyfriends body piercings punk music
bad boyfriends body piercings punk music it’s always true when they say mom’s
it’s always true when they say mom’s
it’s always true when they say mom’s always right the cancer she had in 2004
always right the cancer she had in 2004
always right the cancer she had in 2004 gave her a preview into her death at
gave her a preview into her death at
gave her a preview into her death at that time she had endured a lot of
that time she had endured a lot of
that time she had endured a lot of radiation and treatments a lot of
radiation and treatments a lot of
radiation and treatments a lot of radiation involved the side of her brain
radiation involved the side of her brain
radiation involved the side of her brain and she never forgot how the mental and
and she never forgot how the mental and
and she never forgot how the mental and physical side effects made her feel
physical side effects made her feel
physical side effects made her feel overcoming that cancer was a source of
overcoming that cancer was a source of
overcoming that cancer was a source of pride for her as well as traveling the
pride for her as well as traveling the
pride for her as well as traveling the world with my dad watching all of her
world with my dad watching all of her
world with my dad watching all of her daughters get married and seeing her
daughters get married and seeing her
daughters get married and seeing her grand grand babies grow up into
grand grand babies grow up into
grand grand babies grow up into teenagers her world was filled with
teenagers her world was filled with
teenagers her world was filled with beautiful experiences and a lot of color
beautiful experiences and a lot of color
beautiful experiences and a lot of color but she never talked about the shades of
but she never talked about the shades of
but she never talked about the shades of grey she never talked about how that
grey she never talked about how that
grey she never talked about how that preview into her death gave her 12 years
preview into her death gave her 12 years
preview into her death gave her 12 years to silently prepare and brace herself
to silently prepare and brace herself
to silently prepare and brace herself for the end this time when we gathered
for the end this time when we gathered
for the end this time when we gathered around her in the hospital she had an
around her in the hospital she had an
around her in the hospital she had an announcement to make
announcement to make
announcement to make she said that she did not want to do any
she said that she did not want to do any
she said that she did not want to do any treatments no surgery she was ready to
treatments no surgery she was ready to
treatments no surgery she was ready to go she looked at us point-blank and said
go she looked at us point-blank and said
go she looked at us point-blank and said that she did not want to live life
that she did not want to live life
that she did not want to live life trapped to a bed unable to feed herself
trapped to a bed unable to feed herself
trapped to a bed unable to feed herself unable to use the bathroom for herself
unable to use the bathroom for herself
unable to use the bathroom for herself she did not want to become a vegetable
she did not want to become a vegetable
she did not want to become a vegetable and she wanted to exit this world
and she wanted to exit this world
and she wanted to exit this world knowing exactly who she was she was
knowing exactly who she was she was
knowing exactly who she was she was adamant in the state of Washington where
adamant in the state of Washington where
adamant in the state of Washington where my mom lived death of dignity has been
my mom lived death of dignity has been
my mom lived death of dignity has been in effect since 2009 and for those of
in effect since 2009 and for those of
in effect since 2009 and for those of you who aren’t familiar death with
you who aren’t familiar death with
you who aren’t familiar death with dignity is legislation that empowers
dignity is legislation that empowers
dignity is legislation that empowers individuals to decide for themselves to
individuals to decide for themselves to
individuals to decide for themselves to move on when science
move on when science
move on when science has confirmed the end is near it gives
has confirmed the end is near it gives
has confirmed the end is near it gives individuals the legal right to decide
individuals the legal right to decide
individuals the legal right to decide and act for themselves to move on when
and act for themselves to move on when
and act for themselves to move on when faced with a terminal illness Death with
faced with a terminal illness Death with
faced with a terminal illness Death with Dignity is legal in five out of 50 US
Dignity is legal in five out of 50 US
Dignity is legal in five out of 50 US states and is one of many end-of-life
states and is one of many end-of-life
states and is one of many end-of-life care options available it was this
care options available it was this
care options available it was this particular end-of-life care option that
particular end-of-life care option that
particular end-of-life care option that my mom wanted and she asked us to
my mom wanted and she asked us to
my mom wanted and she asked us to support her through this we were
support her through this we were
support her through this we were devastated and none of us knew what to
devastated and none of us knew what to
devastated and none of us knew what to say so she spoke first I want a private
say so she spoke first I want a private
say so she spoke first I want a private ceremony at home immediate family only
ceremony at home immediate family only
ceremony at home immediate family only this is the outfit that I want to wear
this is the outfit that I want to wear
this is the outfit that I want to wear and don’t spend any money on flowers but
and don’t spend any money on flowers but
and don’t spend any money on flowers but if you do I like yellow ones I want my
if you do I like yellow ones I want my
if you do I like yellow ones I want my ashes scattered on Mount Rainier and
ashes scattered on Mount Rainier and
ashes scattered on Mount Rainier and afterwards for you all to have a dinner
afterwards for you all to have a dinner
afterwards for you all to have a dinner party you know nothing fancy casual
party you know nothing fancy casual
party you know nothing fancy casual maybe with some southern style food and
maybe with some southern style food and
maybe with some southern style food and some music she knew exactly what she
some music she knew exactly what she
some music she knew exactly what she wanted she wanted a celebration after a
wanted she wanted a celebration after a
wanted she wanted a celebration after a lot of tears and listening Hospice came
lot of tears and listening Hospice came
lot of tears and listening Hospice came in to consult with us on next steps and
in to consult with us on next steps and
in to consult with us on next steps and we learned that we needed signatures
we learned that we needed signatures
we learned that we needed signatures from two doctors in order to proceed
from two doctors in order to proceed
from two doctors in order to proceed with Death with Dignity her primary care
with Death with Dignity her primary care
with Death with Dignity her primary care physician said he would sign but only if
physician said he would sign but only if
physician said he would sign but only if her oncologist signed off first her
her oncologist signed off first her
her oncologist signed off first her oncologist was shocked he was so
oncologist was shocked he was so
oncologist was shocked he was so surprised that she was ready to make
surprised that she was ready to make
surprised that she was ready to make such a swift decision he said you know
such a swift decision he said you know
such a swift decision he said you know like it’s stage 4 cancer but you could
like it’s stage 4 cancer but you could
like it’s stage 4 cancer but you could live for another six months maybe even
live for another six months maybe even
live for another six months maybe even longer
longer
longer don’t you want to have more time to live
don’t you want to have more time to live
don’t you want to have more time to live don’t you want to enjoy life for as long
don’t you want to enjoy life for as long
don’t you want to enjoy life for as long as you can my mom said she wanted to
as you can my mom said she wanted to
as you can my mom said she wanted to death with dignity this is my time this
death with dignity this is my time this
death with dignity this is my time this is what I want he told her no we were
is what I want he told her no we were
is what I want he told her no we were really confused her cancer was confirmed
really confused her cancer was confirmed
really confused her cancer was confirmed Hospice just came in and walked us
Hospice just came in and walked us
Hospice just came in and walked us through the process
through the process
through the process as a doctor and an educated man of
as a doctor and an educated man of
as a doctor and an educated man of science he is trained to problem solve
science he is trained to problem solve
science he is trained to problem solve diseases his expertise is to find
diseases his expertise is to find
diseases his expertise is to find solutions for illnesses not to relate to
solutions for illnesses not to relate to
solutions for illnesses not to relate to my mom’s personal view on life we needed
my mom’s personal view on life we needed
my mom’s personal view on life we needed to understand where he was coming from
to understand where he was coming from
to understand where he was coming from he was honest and said look I’m new to
he was honest and said look I’m new to
he was honest and said look I’m new to Washington I just transferred here from
Washington I just transferred here from
Washington I just transferred here from California where this law was recently
California where this law was recently
California where this law was recently made legal I have never experienced this
made legal I have never experienced this
made legal I have never experienced this before I need time to think about it no
before I need time to think about it no
before I need time to think about it no I won’t sign he looked at my sisters and
I won’t sign he looked at my sisters and
I won’t sign he looked at my sisters and I to back him up and we looked at her
I to back him up and we looked at her
I to back him up and we looked at her mom and she was overcome with
mom and she was overcome with
mom and she was overcome with disappointment and burst into tears this
disappointment and burst into tears this
disappointment and burst into tears this was a woman who never took no for an
was a woman who never took no for an
was a woman who never took no for an answer
answer
answer and after 12 years of preparing for her
and after 12 years of preparing for her
and after 12 years of preparing for her end she found herself fighting again she
end she found herself fighting again she
end she found herself fighting again she was fighting for her life to end for her
was fighting for her life to end for her
was fighting for her life to end for her right to die in hospice and palliative
right to die in hospice and palliative
right to die in hospice and palliative care there are three main focus areas
care there are three main focus areas
care there are three main focus areas for support comfort spirituality and
for support comfort spirituality and
for support comfort spirituality and peace it’s a testament to our society
peace it’s a testament to our society
peace it’s a testament to our society that this level of care is available
that this level of care is available
that this level of care is available ranging from pragmatic to natural and
ranging from pragmatic to natural and
ranging from pragmatic to natural and holistic if you can afford it as a
holistic if you can afford it as a
holistic if you can afford it as a family we decided to care for our mom at
family we decided to care for our mom at
family we decided to care for our mom at home and in order to create a
home and in order to create a
home and in order to create a comfortable space for her we needed to
comfortable space for her we needed to
comfortable space for her we needed to get creative in the initial stages of
get creative in the initial stages of
get creative in the initial stages of her diagnosis she was mobile with the
her diagnosis she was mobile with the
her diagnosis she was mobile with the help of a walker even though she was
help of a walker even though she was
help of a walker even though she was frail in order to get blood circulation
frail in order to get blood circulation
frail in order to get blood circulation flowing through her legs we needed to
flowing through her legs we needed to
flowing through her legs we needed to get creative with her exercises we
get creative with her exercises we
get creative with her exercises we decided to have fun so we would see how
decided to have fun so we would see how
decided to have fun so we would see how many Beatles songs it would take for her
many Beatles songs it would take for her
many Beatles songs it would take for her to walk around the kitchen island X
to walk around the kitchen island X
to walk around the kitchen island X amount of times all of us singing along
amount of times all of us singing along
amount of times all of us singing along to love me do and let it be we watched
to love me do and let it be we watched
to love me do and let it be we watched YouTube videos to learn how to give her
YouTube videos to learn how to give her
YouTube videos to learn how to give her haircuts
haircuts
haircuts and the house didn’t have a shower on
and the house didn’t have a shower on
and the house didn’t have a shower on the main floor so on the weekends we
the main floor so on the weekends we
the main floor so on the weekends we would sneak our mom into my sister’s
would sneak our mom into my sister’s
would sneak our mom into my sister’s office and use the handicap-accessible
office and use the handicap-accessible
office and use the handicap-accessible shower this deluge of hot steaming water
shower this deluge of hot steaming water
shower this deluge of hot steaming water my mom’s body felt so amazing to her it
my mom’s body felt so amazing to her it
my mom’s body felt so amazing to her it was one of the last little luxuries that
was one of the last little luxuries that
was one of the last little luxuries that she wished for compared to the sponge
she wished for compared to the sponge
she wished for compared to the sponge baths that we gave her a lot of her time
baths that we gave her a lot of her time
baths that we gave her a lot of her time was spent resting in bed and we would
was spent resting in bed and we would
was spent resting in bed and we would watch documentaries together in classic
watch documentaries together in classic
watch documentaries together in classic Warren Beatty movies sometimes she’d
Warren Beatty movies sometimes she’d
Warren Beatty movies sometimes she’d asked me for a mood board of beautiful
asked me for a mood board of beautiful
asked me for a mood board of beautiful images of Mount Rainier so she could
images of Mount Rainier so she could
images of Mount Rainier so she could look forward to her her ashes would rest
once a month she would see her
once a month she would see her oncologist for status updates and it was
oncologist for status updates and it was
oncologist for status updates and it was very clear from test results that her
very clear from test results that her
very clear from test results that her cancer was growing every time she plead
cancer was growing every time she plead
cancer was growing every time she plead with him to have her Death with Dignity
with him to have her Death with Dignity
with him to have her Death with Dignity wish fulfilled and he’d say no and she’d
wish fulfilled and he’d say no and she’d
wish fulfilled and he’d say no and she’d go home disappointed at this point she
go home disappointed at this point she
go home disappointed at this point she was in a chest brace and a wheelchair
was in a chest brace and a wheelchair
was in a chest brace and a wheelchair because her bones could no longer
because her bones could no longer
because her bones could no longer support her it’s easy for us to think of
support her it’s easy for us to think of
support her it’s easy for us to think of design as aesthetics or creating visuals
design as aesthetics or creating visuals
design as aesthetics or creating visuals design is also a tool for communication
design is also a tool for communication
design is also a tool for communication a combination of creativity and empathy
a combination of creativity and empathy
a combination of creativity and empathy earlier I referred to my mom’s death as
earlier I referred to my mom’s death as
earlier I referred to my mom’s death as a design challenge which I know sounds
a design challenge which I know sounds
a design challenge which I know sounds strange and off-putting it’s a challenge
strange and off-putting it’s a challenge
strange and off-putting it’s a challenge because for obvious reasons but it
because for obvious reasons but it
because for obvious reasons but it involved design because it required us
involved design because it required us
involved design because it required us to talk about it to talk about it with
to talk about it to talk about it with
to talk about it to talk about it with her doctors and hospice and with our
her doctors and hospice and with our
her doctors and hospice and with our families to make decisions by having the
families to make decisions by having the
families to make decisions by having the conversation it allowed us to come
conversation it allowed us to come
conversation it allowed us to come together to grasp what was happening so
together to grasp what was happening so
together to grasp what was happening so we could have a shared language with a
we could have a shared language with a
we could have a shared language with a common goal for understanding one night
common goal for understanding one night
common goal for understanding one night when I was sitting next to my mom I was
when I was sitting next to my mom I was
when I was sitting next to my mom I was caressing her arm and I noticed that the
caressing her arm and I noticed that the
caressing her arm and I noticed that the texture of her skin was unusually dry
texture of her skin was unusually dry
texture of her skin was unusually dry and the color of her flesh was
and the color of her flesh was
and the color of her flesh was doll I had been so focused on executing
doll I had been so focused on executing
doll I had been so focused on executing her end-of-life wishes that I realized I
her end-of-life wishes that I realized I
her end-of-life wishes that I realized I didn’t know what the end of her life
didn’t know what the end of her life
didn’t know what the end of her life that felt like I didn’t know what she
that felt like I didn’t know what she
that felt like I didn’t know what she was going through because I just
was going through because I just
was going through because I just accepted it so I asked her what does it
accepted it so I asked her what does it
accepted it so I asked her what does it feel like what does what feel like
feel like what does what feel like
feel like what does what feel like cancer what does your cancer feel like
fire
fire she said my bones are on fire and
she said my bones are on fire and
she said my bones are on fire and everywhere under my skin is burning and
everywhere under my skin is burning and
everywhere under my skin is burning and every time I move it just makes it worse
every time I move it just makes it worse
every time I move it just makes it worse my whole body is on fire after a moment
my whole body is on fire after a moment
my whole body is on fire after a moment she said are you mad at me no why would
she said are you mad at me no why would
she said are you mad at me no why would I be mad at you for wanting to move on
I be mad at you for wanting to move on
I be mad at you for wanting to move on for wanting to go to heaven because it’s
for wanting to go to heaven because it’s
for wanting to go to heaven because it’s my time I looked her in the eye and I
my time I looked her in the eye and I
my time I looked her in the eye and I said I’m really proud of you I think
said I’m really proud of you I think
said I’m really proud of you I think you’re brave I think you’re a designer
you’re brave I think you’re a designer
you’re brave I think you’re a designer like me she perked up she’s like oh
like me she perked up she’s like oh
like me she perked up she’s like oh really you think I’m a designer yes
really you think I’m a designer yes
really you think I’m a designer yes you’re creating the experience that you
you’re creating the experience that you
you’re creating the experience that you want to have you’re designing how you
want to have you’re designing how you
want to have you’re designing how you say goodbye she took my hand and said
say goodbye she took my hand and said
say goodbye she took my hand and said you understand the next visit to her
you understand the next visit to her
you understand the next visit to her oncologist was her last one what started
oncologist was her last one what started
oncologist was her last one what started as a small cluster in one vertebra
as a small cluster in one vertebra
as a small cluster in one vertebra expanded throughout her spine and pushed
expanded throughout her spine and pushed
expanded throughout her spine and pushed its way forward into her sternum and her
its way forward into her sternum and her
its way forward into her sternum and her rib cage all within four months this
rib cage all within four months this
rib cage all within four months this time there was no begging
time there was no begging
time there was no begging he said the cancer is growing really
he said the cancer is growing really
he said the cancer is growing really fast she looked at him in the eye and
fast she looked at him in the eye and
fast she looked at him in the eye and said I know
two days later she got her two
two days later she got her two signatures and sign legal documents and
signatures and sign legal documents and
signatures and sign legal documents and prescription to proceed with Death with
prescription to proceed with Death with
prescription to proceed with Death with Dignity the fight was over and she won
Dignity the fight was over and she won
Dignity the fight was over and she won it was actually one of the happiest days
it was actually one of the happiest days
it was actually one of the happiest days of her life I want to be clear and say
of her life I want to be clear and say
of her life I want to be clear and say that I don’t think it was wrong of Ian
that I don’t think it was wrong of Ian
that I don’t think it was wrong of Ian colleges to hesitate on death of dignity
colleges to hesitate on death of dignity
colleges to hesitate on death of dignity it was his responsibility to have a
it was his responsibility to have a
it was his responsibility to have a conversation with us to guide us in
conversation with us to guide us in
conversation with us to guide us in understanding and needing us to be
understanding and needing us to be
understanding and needing us to be curious about all medical treatments
curious about all medical treatments
curious about all medical treatments that were available until it was very
that were available until it was very
that were available until it was very clear her illness was terminal and I
clear her illness was terminal and I
clear her illness was terminal and I completely respect him for that it was
completely respect him for that it was
completely respect him for that it was also our responsibility to have a
also our responsibility to have a
also our responsibility to have a conversation with him to guide him in
conversation with him to guide him in
conversation with him to guide him in understanding our mom’s wishes for her
understanding our mom’s wishes for her
understanding our mom’s wishes for her end of life he needed to be curious
end of life he needed to be curious
end of life he needed to be curious about that alternative as well when it
about that alternative as well when it
about that alternative as well when it came time to fill the prescription we
came time to fill the prescription we
came time to fill the prescription we learned there were two options the first
learned there were two options the first
learned there were two options the first was a liquid form its immediate effect
was a liquid form its immediate effect
was a liquid form its immediate effect varied upon body type and could take
varied upon body type and could take
varied upon body type and could take anywhere from two hours to two days to
anywhere from two hours to two days to
anywhere from two hours to two days to go into effect we were also informed
go into effect we were also informed
go into effect we were also informed that it can burn the throat going down
that it can burn the throat going down
that it can burn the throat going down and patients have a hard time swallowing
and patients have a hard time swallowing
and patients have a hard time swallowing it because sometimes they have gag
it because sometimes they have gag
it because sometimes they have gag reflexes and it’s hard for family
reflexes and it’s hard for family
reflexes and it’s hard for family members to watch the cost of that
members to watch the cost of that
members to watch the cost of that medicine was $400 the second option was
medicine was $400 the second option was
medicine was $400 the second option was a pill its effect much faster much
a pill its effect much faster much
a pill its effect much faster much easier for patients to swallow the cost
easier for patients to swallow the cost
easier for patients to swallow the cost of this was $4,000 and either recovered
of this was $4,000 and either recovered
of this was $4,000 and either recovered by insurance our healthcare system
by insurance our healthcare system
by insurance our healthcare system policies and regulations are intended to
policies and regulations are intended to
policies and regulations are intended to protect and support us what patients
protect and support us what patients
protect and support us what patients scenarios and experiences are yet to be
scenarios and experiences are yet to be
scenarios and experiences are yet to be designed what systems need to be
designed what systems need to be
designed what systems need to be revisited because at this moment there
revisited because at this moment there
revisited because at this moment there was a lot here that could use a redesign
was a lot here that could use a redesign
was a lot here that could use a redesign we were so close to bringing her piece
we were so close to bringing her piece
we were so close to bringing her piece her dying was complicated enough how
her dying was complicated enough how
her dying was complicated enough how difficult
difficult
difficult the system need to be in order to give a
the system need to be in order to give a
the system need to be in order to give a patient a peaceful death
patient a peaceful death
patient a peaceful death the price tag difference was eye popping
the price tag difference was eye popping
the price tag difference was eye popping for sure but it wasn’t our decision to
for sure but it wasn’t our decision to
for sure but it wasn’t our decision to make this was our mom’s call she said
make this was our mom’s call she said
make this was our mom’s call she said that’s crazy
that’s crazy
that’s crazy are you kidding me I’ll take the $400
are you kidding me I’ll take the $400
are you kidding me I’ll take the $400 one I’m leaving anyway
the night before her death we had a
the night before her death we had a dinner party at her house at her request
dinner party at her house at her request
dinner party at her house at her request we made a beautiful feast of roast
we made a beautiful feast of roast
we made a beautiful feast of roast chicken colorful salad strawberry
chicken colorful salad strawberry
chicken colorful salad strawberry shortcake sparkling wine we made a
shortcake sparkling wine we made a
shortcake sparkling wine we made a playlist of her favorite tunes
playlist of her favorite tunes
playlist of her favorite tunes was a mix of the Bee Gees Dusty
was a mix of the Bee Gees Dusty
was a mix of the Bee Gees Dusty Springfield and Elvis we told stories we
Springfield and Elvis we told stories we
Springfield and Elvis we told stories we laughed she gave a toast she was so
laughed she gave a toast she was so
laughed she gave a toast she was so happy she was glowing the whole night
the morning of her last day and
the morning of her last day and end-of-life care assistant came to the
end-of-life care assistant came to the
end-of-life care assistant came to the house to help us through the process as
house to help us through the process as
house to help us through the process as preparations were underway I kept
preparations were underway I kept
preparations were underway I kept stealing glances at her to see how she
stealing glances at her to see how she
stealing glances at her to see how she was doing every time I saw her her eyes
was doing every time I saw her her eyes
was doing every time I saw her her eyes were bright and her mouth was smiling
were bright and her mouth was smiling
were bright and her mouth was smiling and she just kept giving me a thumbs up
and she just kept giving me a thumbs up
and she just kept giving me a thumbs up because she wanted us to feel brave we
because she wanted us to feel brave we
because she wanted us to feel brave we learned there were three medications in
learned there were three medications in
learned there were three medications in total the first was to slow down her
total the first was to slow down her
total the first was to slow down her heart rate the second was for anti
heart rate the second was for anti
heart rate the second was for anti nausea and the third was her final
nausea and the third was her final
nausea and the third was her final medication the assistant before he
medication the assistant before he
medication the assistant before he handed her the medication said that by
handed her the medication said that by
handed her the medication said that by law she had to declare out loud that it
law she had to declare out loud that it
law she had to declare out loud that it was her intention to go to sleep and to
was her intention to go to sleep and to
was her intention to go to sleep and to not wake up by law none of us could help
not wake up by law none of us could help
not wake up by law none of us could help her hold the cup or help her drink it
her hold the cup or help her drink it
her hold the cup or help her drink it she needed to do it for herself and he
she needed to do it for herself and he
she needed to do it for herself and he warned her that it could burn and to
warned her that it could burn and to
warned her that it could burn and to take her time my mom took the cup with
take her time my mom took the cup with
take her time my mom took the cup with two hands and pounded it back like a
two hands and pounded it back like a
two hands and pounded it back like a shot of whiskey
she looked at my dad and smiled closed
she looked at my dad and smiled closed her eyes and at 45 minutes she was gone
her eyes and at 45 minutes she was gone
her eyes and at 45 minutes she was gone I know the experience that we had is not
I know the experience that we had is not
I know the experience that we had is not common for many people they don’t get
common for many people they don’t get
common for many people they don’t get the chance to say goodbye the way that
the chance to say goodbye the way that
the chance to say goodbye the way that we did for some death is full of
we did for some death is full of
we did for some death is full of uncertainty and can often be a waiting
uncertainty and can often be a waiting
uncertainty and can often be a waiting game watching her mom deteriorate wasn’t
game watching her mom deteriorate wasn’t
game watching her mom deteriorate wasn’t easy and neither was caring for her
easy and neither was caring for her
easy and neither was caring for her there were many parts of the experience
there were many parts of the experience
there were many parts of the experience that were not beautiful that involved
that were not beautiful that involved
that were not beautiful that involved the expected tubes needles bedpans and
the expected tubes needles bedpans and
the expected tubes needles bedpans and fluorescent lights caring for her was
fluorescent lights caring for her was
fluorescent lights caring for her was possible because my sister Nancy took on
possible because my sister Nancy took on
possible because my sister Nancy took on the difficulty of moving mom into her
the difficulty of moving mom into her
the difficulty of moving mom into her house and my sister Jenny is a nurse and
house and my sister Jenny is a nurse and
house and my sister Jenny is a nurse and managed her pain until the very end in
managed her pain until the very end in
managed her pain until the very end in an odd way there was a lot of comfort
an odd way there was a lot of comfort
an odd way there was a lot of comfort because we were figuring out this whole
because we were figuring out this whole
because we were figuring out this whole mess together I can’t imagine what it
mess together I can’t imagine what it
mess together I can’t imagine what it would have been like if my mom lived in
would have been like if my mom lived in
would have been like if my mom lived in a state where this was not legal how
a state where this was not legal how
a state where this was not legal how long and how painful would it have been
long and how painful would it have been
long and how painful would it have been this year thirty US states are
this year thirty US states are
this year thirty US states are considering death with dignity and what
considering death with dignity and what
considering death with dignity and what that means for actual legislation is
that means for actual legislation is
that means for actual legislation is unknown but what is clear is that there
unknown but what is clear is that there
unknown but what is clear is that there are a lot more people who want to have a
are a lot more people who want to have a
are a lot more people who want to have a say all over the world there are many
say all over the world there are many
say all over the world there are many cultures and families who practice their
cultures and families who practice their
cultures and families who practice their own rituals of death these rituals are
own rituals of death these rituals are
own rituals of death these rituals are expressions based on their unique
expressions based on their unique
expressions based on their unique situations and environments if you could
situations and environments if you could
situations and environments if you could design your own death what would the
design your own death what would the
design your own death what would the experience be like and how would you
experience be like and how would you
experience be like and how would you want it to feel I’m not a healthcare
want it to feel I’m not a healthcare
want it to feel I’m not a healthcare professional and I’m not an inventor of
professional and I’m not an inventor of
professional and I’m not an inventor of science I’m a brand designer that
science I’m a brand designer that
science I’m a brand designer that creates experiences by connecting with
creates experiences by connecting with
creates experiences by connecting with human emotion
human emotion
human emotion what I know from my mom’s experience is
what I know from my mom’s experience is
what I know from my mom’s experience is that it gave us the tools to talk about
that it gave us the tools to talk about
that it gave us the tools to talk about death by sharing her story with friends
death by sharing her story with friends
death by sharing her story with friends and strangers I’ve learned there is a
and strangers I’ve learned there is a
and strangers I’ve learned there is a lot of curiosity behind this by having
lot of curiosity behind this by having
lot of curiosity behind this by having the conversation it helps us to perhaps
the conversation it helps us to perhaps
the conversation it helps us to perhaps reframe or even rebrand death from
reframe or even rebrand death from
reframe or even rebrand death from feeling scary or desolate or bleak to
feeling scary or desolate or bleak to
feeling scary or desolate or bleak to reimagining it as honest noble and brave
my mom was born a fighter and she became
my mom was born a fighter and she became a designer at the end of her life today
a designer at the end of her life today
a designer at the end of her life today she would have turned a 69 years old and
she would have turned a 69 years old and
she would have turned a 69 years old and it’s her birthday wish that I share her
it’s her birthday wish that I share her
it’s her birthday wish that I share her story with you death is a universal
story with you death is a universal
story with you death is a universal human experience what I’ve shared with
human experience what I’ve shared with
human experience what I’ve shared with you is more than a conversation between
you is more than a conversation between
you is more than a conversation between myself and my family it’s a conversation
myself and my family it’s a conversation
myself and my family it’s a conversation that belongs to all of us
that belongs to all of us
that belongs to all of us patients doctors healthcare providers
patients doctors healthcare providers
patients doctors healthcare providers policy makers family members together we
policy makers family members together we
policy makers family members together we all have a say in creating beautiful
all have a say in creating beautiful
all have a say in creating beautiful experiences from the very beginning but
experiences from the very beginning but
experiences from the very beginning but more importantly at the end thank you
more importantly at the end thank you
more importantly at the end thank you [Applause]
”
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