I am afraid insecure it’s big I’m not enough I’m too black it’s loud I’m too
enough I’m too black it’s loud I’m too
enough I’m too black it’s loud I’m too proud I’m to me now these are things
proud I’m to me now these are things
proud I’m to me now these are things that I’ve said about myself over the
that I’ve said about myself over the
that I’ve said about myself over the course of my life and I’d be lying to
course of my life and I’d be lying to
course of my life and I’d be lying to you if I said they didn’t seat back in
you if I said they didn’t seat back in
you if I said they didn’t seat back in every now and again but I’m very
every now and again but I’m very
every now and again but I’m very conscious about the words that I say
conscious about the words that I say
conscious about the words that I say about myself and the things that I think
about myself and the things that I think
about myself and the things that I think about myself so all this got me to
about myself so all this got me to
about myself so all this got me to thinking the very first time our
thinking the very first time our
thinking the very first time our feelings got hurt it was because someone
feelings got hurt it was because someone
feelings got hurt it was because someone said something to us but it was okay
said something to us but it was okay
said something to us but it was okay because someone was like sticks and
because someone was like sticks and
because someone was like sticks and stones may break your bones but words
stones may break your bones but words
stones may break your bones but words will never hurt you to be honest I’ll
will never hurt you to be honest I’ll
will never hurt you to be honest I’ll take the sticks and stones those wounds
take the sticks and stones those wounds
take the sticks and stones those wounds heal a lot easier word wounds on the
heal a lot easier word wounds on the
heal a lot easier word wounds on the other hand can take a lifetime to heal
other hand can take a lifetime to heal
other hand can take a lifetime to heal and I’d venture to say that most of us
and I’d venture to say that most of us
and I’d venture to say that most of us in this room have lived our lives trying
in this room have lived our lives trying
in this room have lived our lives trying to heal from things that people have
to heal from things that people have
to heal from things that people have said to us I also figured out something
said to us I also figured out something
said to us I also figured out something else we do one of two things in life we
else we do one of two things in life we
else we do one of two things in life we either spin our lives confirming what
either spin our lives confirming what
either spin our lives confirming what people have said about us or define them
people have said about us or define them
people have said about us or define them take me for example I haven’t spent my
take me for example I haven’t spent my
take me for example I haven’t spent my whole life defining what people have
whole life defining what people have
whole life defining what people have said about me I refuse to be a statistic
said about me I refuse to be a statistic
said about me I refuse to be a statistic when I think about myself I say Who am I
when I think about myself I say Who am I
when I think about myself I say Who am I I’m a product of a single-parent home by
I’m a product of a single-parent home by
I’m a product of a single-parent home by the way my mother’s a superhero but
the way my mother’s a superhero but
the way my mother’s a superhero but there are things that come along with
there are things that come along with
there are things that come along with that mid to low income family grew up in
that mid to low income family grew up in
that mid to low income family grew up in the projects for a portion of my life
the projects for a portion of my life
the projects for a portion of my life there are some statistics that come
there are some statistics that come
there are some statistics that come along with being a young black woman
along with being a young black woman
along with being a young black woman from that type of background so I’ve
from that type of background so I’ve
from that type of background so I’ve decided that that’s was not going to be
decided that that’s was not going to be
decided that that’s was not going to be my story then I had some other thoughts
my story then I had some other thoughts
my story then I had some other thoughts as well because I didn’t have to define
as well because I didn’t have to define
as well because I didn’t have to define well then Who am I for myself I’ve
well then Who am I for myself I’ve
well then Who am I for myself I’ve always been taught that the power of
always been taught that the power of
always been taught that the power of life and death
life and death
life and death from right here the simple thing to
from right here the simple thing to
from right here the simple thing to create and destroy comes out of your
create and destroy comes out of your
create and destroy comes out of your mouth so what am i creating what am i
mouth so what am i creating what am i
mouth so what am i creating what am i destroying what am i doing to create new
destroying what am i doing to create new
destroying what am i doing to create new things in myself or what am i destroying
things in myself or what am i destroying
things in myself or what am i destroying by the words that I’m saying I think
by the words that I’m saying I think
by the words that I’m saying I think about that a lot because I work with
about that a lot because I work with
about that a lot because I work with students wonderful humans they are but
students wonderful humans they are but
students wonderful humans they are but they come to me with lots of things
they come to me with lots of things
they come to me with lots of things about how they feel about themselves
about how they feel about themselves
about how they feel about themselves based on what other people have said
based on what other people have said
based on what other people have said about them so I always talk to them
about them so I always talk to them
about them so I always talk to them about know let’s think this way so I
about know let’s think this way so I
about know let’s think this way so I pour a lot into them I tell them they
pour a lot into them I tell them they
pour a lot into them I tell them they can be great I tell them they can change
can be great I tell them they can change
can be great I tell them they can change the world because they can they’re the
the world because they can they’re the
the world because they can they’re the way that I change the world
way that I change the world
way that I change the world I think about a student who I had once I
I think about a student who I had once I
I think about a student who I had once I worked at a previous institution and the
worked at a previous institution and the
worked at a previous institution and the makeup of the institution was more
makeup of the institution was more
makeup of the institution was more stimulated 70% of the population was
stimulated 70% of the population was
stimulated 70% of the population was male 30% of the population female that
male 30% of the population female that
male 30% of the population female that means something for those young women at
means something for those young women at
means something for those young women at that institution because people think
that institution because people think
that institution because people think things about them based on the fact that
things about them based on the fact that
things about them based on the fact that they are women in this place since the
they are women in this place since the
they are women in this place since the message is about what you’re capable of
message is about what you’re capable of
message is about what you’re capable of and what you’re not so she comes into my
and what you’re not so she comes into my
and what you’re not so she comes into my office and you could tell she’s not
office and you could tell she’s not
office and you could tell she’s not having a good day and I was like what’s
having a good day and I was like what’s
having a good day and I was like what’s going on well to give you a little
going on well to give you a little
going on well to give you a little background she decided that she didn’t
background she decided that she didn’t
background she decided that she didn’t want to be an engineer now this was a
want to be an engineer now this was a
want to be an engineer now this was a big deal at this particular institution
big deal at this particular institution
big deal at this particular institution she’s like no I’m gonna be a business
she’s like no I’m gonna be a business
she’s like no I’m gonna be a business major I’m gonna be the person who sells
major I’m gonna be the person who sells
major I’m gonna be the person who sells the things the internet and engineers do
the things the internet and engineers do
the things the internet and engineers do that’s gonna be me like great do you
that’s gonna be me like great do you
that’s gonna be me like great do you have fun but that day she had an
have fun but that day she had an
have fun but that day she had an incident with a student in her class a
incident with a student in her class a
incident with a student in her class a male student who had questioned her
male student who had questioned her
male student who had questioned her about her major and then her abilities
about her major and then her abilities
about her major and then her abilities they’re like oh so you took the easy way
they’re like oh so you took the easy way
they’re like oh so you took the easy way out really hurt her something terrible
out really hurt her something terrible
out really hurt her something terrible so she continues to talk and I finally
so she continues to talk and I finally
so she continues to talk and I finally say the next time someone says that to
say the next time someone says that to
say the next time someone says that to you you look them dead in the face and
you you look them dead in the face and
you you look them dead in the face and you say that’s why you’re gonna work for
you say that’s why you’re gonna work for
you say that’s why you’re gonna work for me one day she goes laughs and I can’t
me one day she goes laughs and I can’t
me one day she goes laughs and I can’t say that I said yes you can if someone
say that I said yes you can if someone
say that I said yes you can if someone has the audacity to tell you who you
has the audacity to tell you who you
has the audacity to tell you who you will be you have the right to tell them
will be you have the right to tell them
will be you have the right to tell them what they’ll do for
what they’ll do for
what they’ll do for one day she goes she halfway believes me
one day she goes she halfway believes me
one day she goes she halfway believes me but I was like it’s okay and we went on
but I was like it’s okay and we went on
but I was like it’s okay and we went on in conversation she comes back a few
in conversation she comes back a few
in conversation she comes back a few weeks later cuz we’ve had lots of
weeks later cuz we’ve had lots of
weeks later cuz we’ve had lots of conversations about her being very
conversations about her being very
conversations about her being very confident who she was and the choices
confident who she was and the choices
confident who she was and the choices that she was making she comes back a few
that she was making she comes back a few
that she was making she comes back a few weeks later high-energy very unusual for
weeks later high-energy very unusual for
weeks later high-energy very unusual for her to give you a picture of her she’s
her to give you a picture of her she’s
her to give you a picture of her she’s about five two young Indian woman more
about five two young Indian woman more
about five two young Indian woman more reserved more reserved than me anyway
reserved more reserved than me anyway
reserved more reserved than me anyway and she goes oh my goodness I was like
and she goes oh my goodness I was like
and she goes oh my goodness I was like oh my goodness are you okay
oh my goodness are you okay
oh my goodness are you okay she said so I was in my class hand on
she said so I was in my class hand on
she said so I was in my class hand on hip all these things I was in my class
hip all these things I was in my class
hip all these things I was in my class and again
and again
and again this boy said something else about me
this boy said something else about me
this boy said something else about me being a major in business and she kept
being a major in business and she kept
being a major in business and she kept going online and she said you know what
going online and she said you know what
going online and she said you know what I did finally I stopped and said that’s
I did finally I stopped and said that’s
I did finally I stopped and said that’s why you’re gonna work for me one day I
why you’re gonna work for me one day I
why you’re gonna work for me one day I said did you say it just like that
said did you say it just like that
said did you say it just like that she said well yeah I said like just like
she said well yeah I said like just like
she said well yeah I said like just like that and she goes yes that’s what she
that and she goes yes that’s what she
that and she goes yes that’s what she told me say and and she continues to go
told me say and and she continues to go
told me say and and she continues to go on in that moment I had to chuckle cuz
on in that moment I had to chuckle cuz
on in that moment I had to chuckle cuz it was like watching myself talk to
it was like watching myself talk to
it was like watching myself talk to myself
I was like oh okay this could be
I was like oh okay this could be interesting but it was alright but in
interesting but it was alright but in
interesting but it was alright but in that moment I saw my student find her
that moment I saw my student find her
that moment I saw my student find her voice for her to stand very confident in
voice for her to stand very confident in
voice for her to stand very confident in who she had decided to be and was okay
who she had decided to be and was okay
who she had decided to be and was okay with expressing met with the world and
with expressing met with the world and
with expressing met with the world and that for me was beautiful so I think
that for me was beautiful so I think
that for me was beautiful so I think about a lot of those things and I think
about a lot of those things and I think
about a lot of those things and I think about the role models I’ve had in my
about the role models I’ve had in my
about the role models I’ve had in my life that have helped me to do other
life that have helped me to do other
life that have helped me to do other things and as a young black woman
things and as a young black woman
things and as a young black woman sometimes you don’t see a lot of people
sometimes you don’t see a lot of people
sometimes you don’t see a lot of people who look like you in the spaces that
who look like you in the spaces that
who look like you in the spaces that you’re in so I take that to heart and I
you’re in so I take that to heart and I
you’re in so I take that to heart and I tend to mentor young black women it’s a
tend to mentor young black women it’s a
tend to mentor young black women it’s a passion someone helped me and I stand on
passion someone helped me and I stand on
passion someone helped me and I stand on those shoulders of giants and so I
those shoulders of giants and so I
those shoulders of giants and so I always pay that forward so I think about
always pay that forward so I think about
always pay that forward so I think about that in some of my other interactions
that in some of my other interactions
that in some of my other interactions with students some students come to me
with students some students come to me
with students some students come to me one in particular she was thinking about
one in particular she was thinking about
one in particular she was thinking about studying abroad
studying abroad
studying abroad she’d never been out of the country she
she’d never been out of the country she
she’d never been out of the country she never had been out of the state of
never had been out of the state of
never had been out of the state of Florida young black woman I was like you
Florida young black woman I was like you
Florida young black woman I was like you should do it it’s great it changes your
should do it it’s great it changes your
should do it it’s great it changes your perspective you meet new people you
perspective you meet new people you
perspective you meet new people you could possibly think about learning
could possibly think about learning
could possibly think about learning another language she was like yeah but
another language she was like yeah but
another language she was like yeah but no and so I shared my experience with
no and so I shared my experience with
no and so I shared my experience with her and she was like hmm okay
her and she was like hmm okay
her and she was like hmm okay goes on by her business I tend to get a
goes on by her business I tend to get a
goes on by her business I tend to get a lot of students who come back to me to
lot of students who come back to me to
lot of students who come back to me to tell me about their life experiences and
tell me about their life experiences and
tell me about their life experiences and things that have happened to them and I
things that have happened to them and I
things that have happened to them and I loved it she of course happens to be one
loved it she of course happens to be one
loved it she of course happens to be one of them she comes back to me and she
of them she comes back to me and she
of them she comes back to me and she goes I get it now I said you get what we
goes I get it now I said you get what we
goes I get it now I said you get what we just started this conversation she was
just started this conversation she was
just started this conversation she was like remember when you used to say like
like remember when you used to say like
like remember when you used to say like be great go change the world all of
be great go change the world all of
be great go change the world all of these things I was like yeah be great go
these things I was like yeah be great go
these things I was like yeah be great go change the world what I’m confused she
change the world what I’m confused she
change the world what I’m confused she was like well now I get it like I
was like well now I get it like I
was like well now I get it like I understand what you mean and I was like
understand what you mean and I was like
understand what you mean and I was like what exactly does that mean
what exactly does that mean
what exactly does that mean and she goes well I figured out that
and she goes well I figured out that
and she goes well I figured out that it’s okay to be afraid and to still try
it’s okay to be afraid and to still try
it’s okay to be afraid and to still try stuff like I can’t stop me and I was
stuff like I can’t stop me and I was
stuff like I can’t stop me and I was like okay what else did we learn she was
like okay what else did we learn she was
like okay what else did we learn she was like and like I met all these amazing
like and like I met all these amazing
like and like I met all these amazing people and it was great and I went
people and it was great and I went
people and it was great and I went here and I went here and I did this and
here and I went here and I did this and
here and I went here and I did this and could you imagine that I jumped off I
could you imagine that I jumped off I
could you imagine that I jumped off I said I don’t want to know what she
said I don’t want to know what she
said I don’t want to know what she jumped off of it’s really ok looks like
jumped off of it’s really ok looks like
jumped off of it’s really ok looks like when did we come to this new realization
when did we come to this new realization
when did we come to this new realization and she goes oh when I was on a train to
and she goes oh when I was on a train to
and she goes oh when I was on a train to Prague I said okay she had taken the
Prague I said okay she had taken the
Prague I said okay she had taken the chance to study abroad something she
chance to study abroad something she
chance to study abroad something she never thought that she would do and I
never thought that she would do and I
never thought that she would do and I was like that is awesome that’s amazing
was like that is awesome that’s amazing
was like that is awesome that’s amazing she was like well I know that I can do
she was like well I know that I can do
she was like well I know that I can do it and I think it’d be whatever I want
it and I think it’d be whatever I want
it and I think it’d be whatever I want to be and that’s awesome and I was like
to be and that’s awesome and I was like
to be and that’s awesome and I was like great I’ve been trying to tell you this
great I’ve been trying to tell you this
great I’ve been trying to tell you this for the last three years this is
for the last three years this is
for the last three years this is beautiful
beautiful
beautiful but for me having her see someone like
but for me having her see someone like
but for me having her see someone like herself who had taken a chance and done
herself who had taken a chance and done
herself who had taken a chance and done something different and been okay was
something different and been okay was
something different and been okay was saying I’m afraid what’s gonna be okay
saying I’m afraid what’s gonna be okay
saying I’m afraid what’s gonna be okay actually might learn something about
actually might learn something about
actually might learn something about myself I may become a different person
myself I may become a different person
myself I may become a different person after this experience was beautiful for
after this experience was beautiful for
after this experience was beautiful for me what I learned in that is that when I
me what I learned in that is that when I
me what I learned in that is that when I became comfortable in who I was and who
became comfortable in who I was and who
became comfortable in who I was and who I am and who I choose for the world to
I am and who I choose for the world to
I am and who I choose for the world to see it gave other people permission to
see it gave other people permission to
see it gave other people permission to do the same but life isn’t that easy
do the same but life isn’t that easy
do the same but life isn’t that easy right we make different life choices and
right we make different life choices and
right we make different life choices and in the midst of the choices that we make
in the midst of the choices that we make
in the midst of the choices that we make sometimes life happens to us that makes
sometimes life happens to us that makes
sometimes life happens to us that makes us rethink who we are for me that
us rethink who we are for me that
us rethink who we are for me that experience was my hair yes I know it’s
experience was my hair yes I know it’s
experience was my hair yes I know it’s fabulous but seven years ago I made a
fabulous but seven years ago I made a
fabulous but seven years ago I made a decision to cut all of my hair off in
decision to cut all of my hair off in
decision to cut all of my hair off in the black community that’s something
the black community that’s something
the black community that’s something real major to cut off all your hair just
real major to cut off all your hair just
real major to cut off all your hair just wanna let you know and so it came from a
wanna let you know and so it came from a
wanna let you know and so it came from a conversation with my goddaughters mother
conversation with my goddaughters mother
conversation with my goddaughters mother about my goddaughter who was having
about my goddaughter who was having
about my goddaughter who was having conversations about who she was she had
conversations about who she was she had
conversations about who she was she had told her I’m not black and I said she
told her I’m not black and I said she
told her I’m not black and I said she told you what she’s not black what is
told you what she’s not black what is
told you what she’s not black what is happening part of it is because she
happening part of it is because she
happening part of it is because she watches Disney and she sees her Disney
watches Disney and she sees her Disney
watches Disney and she sees her Disney Princesses and she sees herself the way
Princesses and she sees herself the way
Princesses and she sees herself the way what she sees on television so she
what she sees on television so she
what she sees on television so she didn’t see
didn’t see
didn’t see a little black princess or a little
a little black princess or a little
a little black princess or a little black princess so she didn’t believe it
black princess so she didn’t believe it
black princess so she didn’t believe it I said okay so we need to have a talk
I said okay so we need to have a talk
I said okay so we need to have a talk but how do you convey to a four year old
but how do you convey to a four year old
but how do you convey to a four year old how to appreciate her blackness and so
how to appreciate her blackness and so
how to appreciate her blackness and so her mother and I had a conversation
her mother and I had a conversation
her mother and I had a conversation because that began with a conversation
because that began with a conversation
because that began with a conversation with myself in the mirror when did I
with myself in the mirror when did I
with myself in the mirror when did I become comfortable with my blackness who
become comfortable with my blackness who
become comfortable with my blackness who I was and who I am
I was and who I am
I was and who I am what is part of that identity for me my
what is part of that identity for me my
what is part of that identity for me my hair was a part of it and I chopped it
hair was a part of it and I chopped it
hair was a part of it and I chopped it off now with that chopping off my hair
off now with that chopping off my hair
off now with that chopping off my hair came lots of things lots of comments
came lots of things lots of comments
came lots of things lots of comments lots of people well why would you do
lots of people well why would you do
lots of people well why would you do that because it’s my hair
that because it’s my hair
that because it’s my hair but even from people who I loved who
but even from people who I loved who
but even from people who I loved who weren’t really sure about this was
weren’t really sure about this was
weren’t really sure about this was because they were trained to think
because they were trained to think
because they were trained to think certain things as well I’ve never really
certain things as well I’ve never really
certain things as well I’ve never really thought that that experience would be
thought that that experience would be
thought that that experience would be valuable to someone else until a student
valuable to someone else until a student
valuable to someone else until a student walked into my office getting ready for
walked into my office getting ready for
walked into my office getting ready for an interview she comes in she was like
an interview she comes in she was like
an interview she comes in she was like and this was an interview she had been
and this was an interview she had been
and this was an interview she had been waiting for and I was like this is great
waiting for and I was like this is great
waiting for and I was like this is great we got the interview let’s go she’s like
we got the interview let’s go she’s like
we got the interview let’s go she’s like I’m ready I know what I’m wearing which
I’m ready I know what I’m wearing which
I’m ready I know what I’m wearing which is actually the most important thing and
is actually the most important thing and
is actually the most important thing and I’m ready I’ve done the mock interview
I’m ready I’ve done the mock interview
I’m ready I’ve done the mock interview and ready to go awesome great she’s like
and ready to go awesome great she’s like
and ready to go awesome great she’s like I have one thing and I was like what’s
I have one thing and I was like what’s
I have one thing and I was like what’s your one thing she’s like what am I
your one thing she’s like what am I
your one thing she’s like what am I gonna do with my hair now why is this
gonna do with my hair now why is this
gonna do with my hair now why is this important this is a young black woman
important this is a young black woman
important this is a young black woman who also has natural hair big beautiful
who also has natural hair big beautiful
who also has natural hair big beautiful fro but she was also in a point in her
fro but she was also in a point in her
fro but she was also in a point in her life where she was trying to figure out
life where she was trying to figure out
life where she was trying to figure out what all this meant who was she in the
what all this meant who was she in the
what all this meant who was she in the body that she was in and I said what do
body that she was in and I said what do
body that she was in and I said what do you mean you what you’re gonna do with
you mean you what you’re gonna do with
you mean you what you’re gonna do with your hair put some moisturizer in a you
your hair put some moisturizer in a you
your hair put some moisturizer in a you don’t keep it moving she goes it’s not
don’t keep it moving she goes it’s not
don’t keep it moving she goes it’s not that simple and I was like and why isn’t
that simple and I was like and why isn’t
that simple and I was like and why isn’t it she was like because having my hair
it she was like because having my hair
it she was like because having my hair like this this is not professional you
like this this is not professional you
like this this is not professional you can’t do this in a professional setting
can’t do this in a professional setting
can’t do this in a professional setting I said really
I said really
I said really I said well am i professional is my hair
I said well am i professional is my hair
I said well am i professional is my hair appropriate for this professional
appropriate for this professional
appropriate for this professional setting and she goes so I ask again is
setting and she goes so I ask again is
setting and she goes so I ask again is my hair professional is it okay in this
my hair professional is it okay in this
my hair professional is it okay in this professional setting she goes well I
professional setting she goes well I
professional setting she goes well I I said how about you think about this do
I said how about you think about this do
I said how about you think about this do you want to work for a place that will
you want to work for a place that will
you want to work for a place that will not accept you in the package that
not accept you in the package that
not accept you in the package that you’re coming in she goes I didn’t
you’re coming in she goes I didn’t
you’re coming in she goes I didn’t really think about that I said that
really think about that I said that
really think about that I said that might be something we want to talk about
might be something we want to talk about
might be something we want to talk about and I share those things with you
and I share those things with you
and I share those things with you because again I had to recalculate again
because again I had to recalculate again
because again I had to recalculate again my im’s but I figured out that again
my im’s but I figured out that again
my im’s but I figured out that again once I got comfortable somebody else was
once I got comfortable somebody else was
once I got comfortable somebody else was able to shine too and so I think about
able to shine too and so I think about
able to shine too and so I think about that as I move through my life and I
that as I move through my life and I
that as I move through my life and I always I’m asking myself Who am I so I
always I’m asking myself Who am I so I
always I’m asking myself Who am I so I say to you
say to you
say to you Who am I well I’m the person who loves
Who am I well I’m the person who loves
Who am I well I’m the person who loves onion rings but I don’t like onions I
onion rings but I don’t like onions I
onion rings but I don’t like onions I eat fried green tomatoes but I
eat fried green tomatoes but I
eat fried green tomatoes but I faithfully take them off of my sandwich
faithfully take them off of my sandwich
faithfully take them off of my sandwich instead of just asking for them not to
instead of just asking for them not to
instead of just asking for them not to be there I’m quirky I’m sassy I’m a nerd
be there I’m quirky I’m sassy I’m a nerd
be there I’m quirky I’m sassy I’m a nerd what I also found out is that my AIIMS
what I also found out is that my AIIMS
what I also found out is that my AIIMS have helped me impact my students in a
have helped me impact my students in a
have helped me impact my students in a way and my challenge to you is to figure
way and my challenge to you is to figure
way and my challenge to you is to figure out once you stand in the truth of who
out once you stand in the truth of who
out once you stand in the truth of who you are and figure out your AIIMS who
you are and figure out your AIIMS who
you are and figure out your AIIMS who can you impact so that you can say
can you impact so that you can say
can you impact so that you can say things like I’m great I’m fabulous I’m
things like I’m great I’m fabulous I’m
things like I’m great I’m fabulous I’m fierce and above all I’m brilliant but
fierce and above all I’m brilliant but
fierce and above all I’m brilliant but one thing that I am is grateful to have
one thing that I am is grateful to have
one thing that I am is grateful to have shared this space and energy with you
shared this space and energy with you
shared this space and energy with you [Applause]
”
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