in 2004 I was teaching a sixth-grade life skills class right here the
life skills class right here the
life skills class right here the international school of Dusseldorf I was
international school of Dusseldorf I was
international school of Dusseldorf I was new to the school and not very many
new to the school and not very many
new to the school and not very many people knew who I was or knew very much
people knew who I was or knew very much
people knew who I was or knew very much about me
about me
about me anyway the kids were working away in
anyway the kids were working away in
anyway the kids were working away in their little groups as we often did in
their little groups as we often did in
their little groups as we often did in life skills and at one point one of the
life skills and at one point one of the
life skills and at one point one of the students put up their hand to ask a
students put up their hand to ask a
students put up their hand to ask a question a little girl from Sweden full
question a little girl from Sweden full
question a little girl from Sweden full of energy spunky to the end I looked
of energy spunky to the end I looked
of energy spunky to the end I looked down at her she said mr. Lehmann are you
down at her she said mr. Lehmann are you
down at her she said mr. Lehmann are you gay
imagine the quietest sixth grade
imagine the quietest sixth grade classroom in the history of the universe
22 wide-eyed 11 and 12 year olds waiting
22 wide-eyed 11 and 12 year olds waiting for an answer
with as much courage as I could muster I
with as much courage as I could muster I looked back at her and said yes I’m gay
okay she went back to what she was doing
okay she went back to what she was doing and I looked around the room waiting for
and I looked around the room waiting for
and I looked around the room waiting for more questions or comments I waited to
more questions or comments I waited to
more questions or comments I waited to hear the Snickers and the whispers none
hear the Snickers and the whispers none
hear the Snickers and the whispers none of that happened
of that happened
of that happened kids went back to what they were doing
kids went back to what they were doing
kids went back to what they were doing the lesson went on and when the lesson
the lesson went on and when the lesson
the lesson went on and when the lesson was over they filed out of the room went
was over they filed out of the room went
was over they filed out of the room went on with their day me I waited
on with their day me I waited
on with their day me I waited I waited for the inevitable parent phone
I waited for the inevitable parent phone
I waited for the inevitable parent phone call or email I thought the principal
call or email I thought the principal
call or email I thought the principal would be coming by my office or perhaps
would be coming by my office or perhaps
would be coming by my office or perhaps even the director would want to have a
even the director would want to have a
even the director would want to have a word with me
I mean I have just revealed what I
I mean I have just revealed what I thought to be a pretty controversial
thought to be a pretty controversial
thought to be a pretty controversial part of who I am to a roomful of sixth
part of who I am to a roomful of sixth
part of who I am to a roomful of sixth graders but those kids and to this
graders but those kids and to this
graders but those kids and to this community it didn’t really seem to
community it didn’t really seem to
community it didn’t really seem to matter but inside I was freaking out
matter but inside I was freaking out
matter but inside I was freaking out because I wasn’t always like that
in 1994 I started the process of coming
in 1994 I started the process of coming out to my friends all of whom were super
out to my friends all of whom were super
out to my friends all of whom were super supportive accepting and loving two
supportive accepting and loving two
supportive accepting and loving two years later my sisters cornered me in
years later my sisters cornered me in
years later my sisters cornered me in the kitchen one day and came flat out
the kitchen one day and came flat out
the kitchen one day and came flat out and asked me are you gay yes I’m gay I’m
and asked me are you gay yes I’m gay I’m
and asked me are you gay yes I’m gay I’m so relieved that you asked me and they
so relieved that you asked me and they
so relieved that you asked me and they were so relieved to have an answer
were so relieved to have an answer
were so relieved to have an answer because they knew that meant that I
because they knew that meant that I
because they knew that meant that I could live a little bit more freely
could live a little bit more freely
could live a little bit more freely [Music]
[Music]
[Music] a year after that I came out to my
a year after that I came out to my
a year after that I came out to my parents in a letter it was a difficult
parents in a letter it was a difficult
parents in a letter it was a difficult time at home I was still living with my
time at home I was still living with my
time at home I was still living with my parents you were a Catholic family they
parents you were a Catholic family they
parents you were a Catholic family they were born and raised in a very small
were born and raised in a very small
were born and raised in a very small town and had probably never ever met
town and had probably never ever met
town and had probably never ever met another gay person in their entire lives
another gay person in their entire lives
another gay person in their entire lives things around the house were a tad
things around the house were a tad
things around the house were a tad awkward dinner time was the worst we’d
awkward dinner time was the worst we’d
awkward dinner time was the worst we’d sit around the table in silence staring
sit around the table in silence staring
sit around the table in silence staring down at our food not knowing what to say
down at our food not knowing what to say
down at our food not knowing what to say to each other
to each other
to each other [Music]
[Music]
[Music] but a few months on after the ice had
but a few months on after the ice had
but a few months on after the ice had started to thaw
and things were kind of getting back to
and things were kind of getting back to normal I invited my mother out to the
normal I invited my mother out to the
normal I invited my mother out to the movies we decided to see as good as it
movies we decided to see as good as it
movies we decided to see as good as it gets an oscar-winning film Jack
gets an oscar-winning film Jack
gets an oscar-winning film Jack Nicholson Helen Hunt comedy little
Nicholson Helen Hunt comedy little
Nicholson Helen Hunt comedy little light-hearted a little bit of fun set
light-hearted a little bit of fun set
light-hearted a little bit of fun set for one small detail in that film Greg
for one small detail in that film Greg
for one small detail in that film Greg Kinnear plays the character of a gay
Kinnear plays the character of a gay
Kinnear plays the character of a gay artist and in one particular scene he
artist and in one particular scene he
artist and in one particular scene he gets beaten up pretty badly and robbed
gets beaten up pretty badly and robbed
gets beaten up pretty badly and robbed not necessarily because he was gay but
not necessarily because he was gay but
not necessarily because he was gay but still it was incredibly difficult to
still it was incredibly difficult to
still it was incredibly difficult to watch and the car ride home afterwards
watch and the car ride home afterwards
watch and the car ride home afterwards was very quiet
was very quiet
was very quiet at one point my mother finally turned to
at one point my mother finally turned to
at one point my mother finally turned to me with an expression on her face that I
me with an expression on her face that I
me with an expression on her face that I will always remember she told me that
will always remember she told me that
will always remember she told me that she was afraid she was afraid for her
she was afraid she was afraid for her
she was afraid she was afraid for her son her child and even though I was 27
son her child and even though I was 27
son her child and even though I was 27 years old at the time she was afraid for
years old at the time she was afraid for
years old at the time she was afraid for her little boy because I was gay and the
her little boy because I was gay and the
her little boy because I was gay and the world was going to hate me and treat me
world was going to hate me and treat me
world was going to hate me and treat me badly for it
badly for it
badly for it [Music]
[Music]
[Music] and the worst part of that conversation
and the worst part of that conversation
and the worst part of that conversation was I couldn’t look her in the eye and
was I couldn’t look her in the eye and
was I couldn’t look her in the eye and tell her that she was wrong in fact she
tell her that she was wrong in fact she
tell her that she was wrong in fact she was absolutely right
was absolutely right
was absolutely right not long after that night of the movies
not long after that night of the movies
not long after that night of the movies I started getting harassed at the school
I started getting harassed at the school
I started getting harassed at the school where I was working I would show up to
where I was working I would show up to
where I was working I would show up to my classroom in the morning to find
my classroom in the morning to find
my classroom in the morning to find graphic drawings and slurs taped to my
graphic drawings and slurs taped to my
graphic drawings and slurs taped to my door if I would go away for a conference
door if I would go away for a conference
door if I would go away for a conference or to coach a sports tournament for a
or to coach a sports tournament for a
or to coach a sports tournament for a couple of days I would come back and
couple of days I would come back and
couple of days I would come back and find my classroom in disarray as would
find my classroom in disarray as would
find my classroom in disarray as would normally happen when a substitute
normally happen when a substitute
normally happen when a substitute teacher is in the room and I would go
teacher is in the room and I would go
teacher is in the room and I would go about tidying everything putting it all
about tidying everything putting it all
about tidying everything putting it all back together and I’d notice little
back together and I’d notice little
back together and I’d notice little drawings on the desks sometimes on the
drawings on the desks sometimes on the
drawings on the desks sometimes on the classroom walls and even on the
classroom walls and even on the
classroom walls and even on the chalkboards homophobic hurtful mean
chalkboards homophobic hurtful mean
chalkboards homophobic hurtful mean nasty
nasty
nasty I would call the administration in tears
I would call the administration in tears
I would call the administration in tears and they would come to my room they
and they would come to my room they
and they would come to my room they would try to console me and reassure me
would try to console me and reassure me
would try to console me and reassure me that they would find out whoever was
that they would find out whoever was
that they would find out whoever was responsible this went on for a period of
responsible this went on for a period of
responsible this went on for a period of months and eventually the harassment
months and eventually the harassment
months and eventually the harassment followed me to my house where I was
followed me to my house where I was
followed me to my house where I was living with my parents phone calls at
living with my parents phone calls at
living with my parents phone calls at first just people hanging up no big deal
first just people hanging up no big deal
first just people hanging up no big deal but soon enough they got much more brave
but soon enough they got much more brave
but soon enough they got much more brave when I would answer the phone they would
when I would answer the phone they would
when I would answer the phone they would shout insults and abuse into the
shout insults and abuse into the
shout insults and abuse into the receiver at me I would hang up the phone
receiver at me I would hang up the phone
receiver at me I would hang up the phone as calmly as I could
as calmly as I could
as calmly as I could hoping that my parents hadn’t noticed
hoping that my parents hadn’t noticed
hoping that my parents hadn’t noticed then I would pick up the receiver again
then I would pick up the receiver again
then I would pick up the receiver again and dial the special code that made a
and dial the special code that made a
and dial the special code that made a record of the call with the phone
record of the call with the phone
record of the call with the phone company after doing that a few times the
company after doing that a few times the
company after doing that a few times the police got involved and they were able
police got involved and they were able
police got involved and they were able to track those phone calls to two
to track those phone calls to two
to track those phone calls to two eighth-grade boys two boys who sat in my
eighth-grade boys two boys who sat in my
eighth-grade boys two boys who sat in my class in front of me every day
class in front of me every day
class in front of me every day [Music]
[Music]
[Music] the boys were suspended from school and
the boys were suspended from school and
the boys were suspended from school and a science community service but they
a science community service but they
a science community service but they weren’t expelled they were allowed to
weren’t expelled they were allowed to
weren’t expelled they were allowed to come back to the school to roam the
come back to the school to roam the
come back to the school to roam the hallways free every day and I had to
hallways free every day and I had to
hallways free every day and I had to come to work every day with a knot in my
come to work every day with a knot in my
come to work every day with a knot in my stomach sick with worry that the only
stomach sick with worry that the only
stomach sick with worry that the only thing that people cared about was my
thing that people cared about was my
thing that people cared about was my sexuality
sexuality
sexuality it didn’t matter how good of a teacher I
it didn’t matter how good of a teacher I
it didn’t matter how good of a teacher I was it didn’t matter how many school
was it didn’t matter how many school
was it didn’t matter how many school productions I participated in how many
productions I participated in how many
productions I participated in how many sports tournaments my teams won all that
sports tournaments my teams won all that
sports tournaments my teams won all that mattered was my sexuality and that
mattered was my sexuality and that
mattered was my sexuality and that people felt they had a right to know and
people felt they had a right to know and
people felt they had a right to know and even worse to mistreat me for it so I
even worse to mistreat me for it so I
even worse to mistreat me for it so I did the only thing I could do I started
did the only thing I could do I started
did the only thing I could do I started being honest
being honest
being honest [Music]
[Music]
[Music] if people wanted to know whether or not
if people wanted to know whether or not
if people wanted to know whether or not I was gay I would tell them now at the
I was gay I would tell them now at the
I was gay I would tell them now at the time my friends were quite incredulous I
time my friends were quite incredulous I
time my friends were quite incredulous I mean come on they said isn’t it obvious
mean come on they said isn’t it obvious
mean come on they said isn’t it obvious to everyone that you’re gay why do you
to everyone that you’re gay why do you
to everyone that you’re gay why do you have to tell them I mean I couldn’t
have to tell them I mean I couldn’t
have to tell them I mean I couldn’t figure out why they thought it would be
figure out why they thought it would be
figure out why they thought it would be so obvious the outfits perhaps
but wouldn’t you know as soon as I
but wouldn’t you know as soon as I started being obvious a strange thing
started being obvious a strange thing
started being obvious a strange thing happened it wasn’t such a big deal after
happened it wasn’t such a big deal after
happened it wasn’t such a big deal after all it just became a fact mister layman
all it just became a fact mister layman
all it just became a fact mister layman is gay
and now that it was common knowledge in
and now that it was common knowledge in just a fact one clever student came up
just a fact one clever student came up
just a fact one clever student came up with a fabulous new nickname for me mr.
with a fabulous new nickname for me mr.
with a fabulous new nickname for me mr. Gaiman clever I’d walked the hallways
Gaiman clever I’d walked the hallways
Gaiman clever I’d walked the hallways I’d hear kids whisper as I walked by mr.
I’d hear kids whisper as I walked by mr.
I’d hear kids whisper as I walked by mr. game pen and I turn around and I would
game pen and I turn around and I would
game pen and I turn around and I would say oh come on that’s so two years ago
say oh come on that’s so two years ago
say oh come on that’s so two years ago time to come up with something new but
time to come up with something new but
time to come up with something new but even still that little bit of humor
even still that little bit of humor
even still that little bit of humor did nothing to assuage the fear and
did nothing to assuage the fear and
did nothing to assuage the fear and anxiety inside of me every time the
anxiety inside of me every time the
anxiety inside of me every time the topic would come up and let me be clear
topic would come up and let me be clear
topic would come up and let me be clear I never raised the topic my sexuality
I never raised the topic my sexuality
I never raised the topic my sexuality had no relevance to my professional life
had no relevance to my professional life
had no relevance to my professional life I was there to teach and they were there
I was there to teach and they were there
I was there to teach and they were there to learn it’s not like I would walk into
to learn it’s not like I would walk into
to learn it’s not like I would walk into the classroom and say hey mr. game is
the classroom and say hey mr. game is
the classroom and say hey mr. game is here what would be the point of that but
here what would be the point of that but
here what would be the point of that but I would hear the kids say things like
I would hear the kids say things like
I would hear the kids say things like that’s so gay really popular expression
that’s so gay really popular expression
that’s so gay really popular expression at the time and I say whoa whoa whoa
at the time and I say whoa whoa whoa
at the time and I say whoa whoa whoa hold on a minute
hold on a minute
hold on a minute you need to find a different way to say
you need to find a different way to say
you need to find a different way to say what you mean because those words are
what you mean because those words are
what you mean because those words are hurtful oh come on mr. leehman everybody
hurtful oh come on mr. leehman everybody
hurtful oh come on mr. leehman everybody says it it doesn’t mean anything but it
says it it doesn’t mean anything but it
says it it doesn’t mean anything but it does when you say that’s so gay what I
does when you say that’s so gay what I
does when you say that’s so gay what I hear is that gay is stupid or dumb or
hear is that gay is stupid or dumb or
hear is that gay is stupid or dumb or bad
bad
bad and I’m gay so that must mean that I’m
and I’m gay so that must mean that I’m
and I’m gay so that must mean that I’m stupid or dumb or bad
and they would get it one by one little
and they would get it one by one little by little the understanding would wash
by little the understanding would wash
by little the understanding would wash over their faces but who I really hoped
over their faces but who I really hoped
over their faces but who I really hoped would get it where the gay kids in that
would get it where the gay kids in that
would get it where the gay kids in that classroom and in that school the silent
classroom and in that school the silent
classroom and in that school the silent ones the ones who wouldn’t or couldn’t
ones the ones who wouldn’t or couldn’t
ones the ones who wouldn’t or couldn’t speak up I hoped that they would see a
speak up I hoped that they would see a
speak up I hoped that they would see a positive example of someone like them
positive example of someone like them
positive example of someone like them fighting for them and they would feel a
fighting for them and they would feel a
fighting for them and they would feel a little less afraid and a little more
little less afraid and a little more
little less afraid and a little more confident
confident
confident [Music]
[Music]
[Music] I didn’t stay in that school much longer
I didn’t stay in that school much longer
I didn’t stay in that school much longer after that experience I applied to
after that experience I applied to
after that experience I applied to graduate school and got my master’s
graduate school and got my master’s
graduate school and got my master’s degree in school counseling a part of
degree in school counseling a part of
degree in school counseling a part of the reason for that decision was so that
the reason for that decision was so that
the reason for that decision was so that it would be my job every day to support
it would be my job every day to support
it would be my job every day to support students like me who struggled to accept
students like me who struggled to accept
students like me who struggled to accept themselves and to be accepted by the
themselves and to be accepted by the
themselves and to be accepted by the world students who endured the taunts
world students who endured the taunts
world students who endured the taunts and abuse and students who feared that
and abuse and students who feared that
and abuse and students who feared that they would never ever be accepted by
they would never ever be accepted by
they would never ever be accepted by their parents or their friends for who
their parents or their friends for who
their parents or their friends for who they were I never thought that being gay
they were I never thought that being gay
they were I never thought that being gay was in any way relevant to my
was in any way relevant to my
was in any way relevant to my professional life but it became more
professional life but it became more
professional life but it became more important than I could ever have
important than I could ever have
important than I could ever have imagined
imagined
imagined it’s taken me 25 years but I’ve gone
it’s taken me 25 years but I’ve gone
it’s taken me 25 years but I’ve gone from fear about Who I am to
from fear about Who I am to
from fear about Who I am to acknowledgement acceptance sharing and
acknowledgement acceptance sharing and
acknowledgement acceptance sharing and celebrating
in the end I’m just a person who loves
in the end I’m just a person who loves what he does and it works very hard
what he does and it works very hard
what he does and it works very hard every day to do the best job possible
every day to do the best job possible
every day to do the best job possible but still there are some people who make
but still there are some people who make
but still there are some people who make my sexuality their business as if it
my sexuality their business as if it
my sexuality their business as if it affects them somehow
affects them somehow
affects them somehow and for the most part I don’t listen to
and for the most part I don’t listen to
and for the most part I don’t listen to them I don’t think about it it doesn’t
them I don’t think about it it doesn’t
them I don’t think about it it doesn’t matter except that it does accept that
matter except that it does accept that
matter except that it does accept that it’s my responsibility to claim it and
it’s my responsibility to claim it and
it’s my responsibility to claim it and to own it whether I like it or not and
to own it whether I like it or not and
to own it whether I like it or not and let me tell you there are some days when
let me tell you there are some days when
let me tell you there are some days when I really don’t like this responsibility
I really don’t like this responsibility
I really don’t like this responsibility there are some days when the fear and
there are some days when the fear and
there are some days when the fear and anxiety return days women not in my
anxiety return days women not in my
anxiety return days women not in my stomach is bigger than ever kinda like
stomach is bigger than ever kinda like
stomach is bigger than ever kinda like these last 10 minutes maybe even the
these last 10 minutes maybe even the
these last 10 minutes maybe even the next 24 hours
but that doesn’t stop me from being Who
but that doesn’t stop me from being Who I am because there are people out there
I am because there are people out there
I am because there are people out there young people who need to know that it’s
young people who need to know that it’s
young people who need to know that it’s okay to be who they are to be themselves
okay to be who they are to be themselves
okay to be who they are to be themselves [Music]
[Music]
[Music] there are lots of things about me that I
there are lots of things about me that I
there are lots of things about me that I am proud of being gay is just one of
am proud of being gay is just one of
am proud of being gay is just one of them
them
them maybe by sharing my story of coming out
maybe by sharing my story of coming out
maybe by sharing my story of coming out and more importantly coming through
and more importantly coming through
and more importantly coming through other people will find the courage
other people will find the courage
other people will find the courage within them that I found that was so
within them that I found that was so
within them that I found that was so deeply buried within me for so long and
deeply buried within me for so long and
deeply buried within me for so long and if they’re fortunate like me they will
if they’re fortunate like me they will
if they’re fortunate like me they will find themselves surrounded by family
find themselves surrounded by family
find themselves surrounded by family friends colleagues students and parents
friends colleagues students and parents
friends colleagues students and parents who accept appreciate honor love and
who accept appreciate honor love and
who accept appreciate honor love and celebrate everything about who they are
celebrate everything about who they are
celebrate everything about who they are thank you
”
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