hello everyone it’s really kind of extremely a problematic to be the last
extremely a problematic to be the last
extremely a problematic to be the last speaker because you don’t know whether
speaker because you don’t know whether
speaker because you don’t know whether you are chosen to be the last speaker
you are chosen to be the last speaker
you are chosen to be the last speaker because they’re so boring or you’re the
because they’re so boring or you’re the
because they’re so boring or you’re the showstopper so to do which but I’m so
showstopper so to do which but I’m so
showstopper so to do which but I’m so privileged that I’ve been here listening
privileged that I’ve been here listening
privileged that I’ve been here listening to so many people so many wonderful
to so many people so many wonderful
to so many people so many wonderful people who have done so much wonderful
people who have done so much wonderful
people who have done so much wonderful work
work
work I have not achieved anything much and
I have not achieved anything much and
I have not achieved anything much and I’m not as knowledgeable but I think
I’m not as knowledgeable but I think
I’m not as knowledgeable but I think what I connect with all the speakers and
what I connect with all the speakers and
what I connect with all the speakers and all the people who are there is one core
all the people who are there is one core
all the people who are there is one core thing I think in terms of the inner
thing I think in terms of the inner
thing I think in terms of the inner struggle to achieve something my inner
struggle to achieve something my inner
struggle to achieve something my inner struggles has been different or perhaps
struggles has been different or perhaps
struggles has been different or perhaps something which I don’t even know how to
something which I don’t even know how to
something which I don’t even know how to talk about but right now where that come
talk about but right now where that come
talk about but right now where that come that topic which is given to me is
that topic which is given to me is
that topic which is given to me is coming out proud I was born today I’m
coming out proud I was born today I’m
coming out proud I was born today I’m standing here in my alumni College I
standing here in my alumni College I
standing here in my alumni College I know that like 33 years back actually I
know that like 33 years back actually I
know that like 33 years back actually I was like I studied 79 to 84 I was like a
was like I studied 79 to 84 I was like a
was like I studied 79 to 84 I was like a very frightened shy young boy always in
very frightened shy young boy always in
very frightened shy young boy always in a corner I’m going to talk about that
a corner I’m going to talk about that
a corner I’m going to talk about that later I was born in a small town in the
later I was born in a small town in the
later I was born in a small town in the south of India in Karnataka
south of India in Karnataka
south of India in Karnataka I’m a Tamilian born in Karnataka now
I’m a Tamilian born in Karnataka now
I’m a Tamilian born in Karnataka now that already kind of conflicts you that
that already kind of conflicts you that
that already kind of conflicts you that you are a miniscule person as a Tamilian
you are a miniscule person as a Tamilian
you are a miniscule person as a Tamilian in the Kannada space I don’t know how to
in the Kannada space I don’t know how to
in the Kannada space I don’t know how to deal with it there’s a lot of
deal with it there’s a lot of
deal with it there’s a lot of commonalities but there’s also
commonalities but there’s also
commonalities but there’s also differences now one of the things I’m
differences now one of the things I’m
differences now one of the things I’m trying to talk about today is basically
trying to talk about today is basically
trying to talk about today is basically how we are all informed by our
how we are all informed by our
how we are all informed by our identities now when I say identity need
identities now when I say identity need
identities now when I say identity need not just be sexual identity it can be
not just be sexual identity it can be
not just be sexual identity it can be identity of your race religion ethnicity
identity of your race religion ethnicity
identity of your race religion ethnicity your profession so I’m going to try to
your profession so I’m going to try to
your profession so I’m going to try to see how all these different identities
see how all these different identities
see how all these different identities can either conflict with each other or
can either conflict with each other or
can either conflict with each other or coalesce with each other so it for me it
coalesce with each other so it for me it
coalesce with each other so it for me it took me quite some time to kind of
took me quite some time to kind of
took me quite some time to kind of become proud of my roots as a Tamilian
become proud of my roots as a Tamilian
become proud of my roots as a Tamilian bar in the Karnataka because like you’re
bar in the Karnataka because like you’re
bar in the Karnataka because like you’re built East you’re I mean you’re there’s
built East you’re I mean you’re there’s
built East you’re I mean you’re there’s a spic tale which the millions wear and
a spic tale which the millions wear and
a spic tale which the millions wear and they are teased about that so there’s
they are teased about that so there’s
they are teased about that so there’s always this constant battle that took me
always this constant battle that took me
always this constant battle that took me almost around like I would say ten years
almost around like I would say ten years
almost around like I would say ten years for me to get done with that my next
for me to get done with that my next
for me to get done with that my next challenge was my body I was
challenge was my body I was
challenge was my body I was born with the illness right from
born with the illness right from
born with the illness right from childhood and so I had to kind of always
childhood and so I had to kind of always
childhood and so I had to kind of always cover up completely from head to toe
cover up completely from head to toe
cover up completely from head to toe because I didn’t want to show my body I
because I didn’t want to show my body I
because I didn’t want to show my body I was extremely uncomfortable and today
was extremely uncomfortable and today
was extremely uncomfortable and today actually I’m standing in the spotlight
actually I’m standing in the spotlight
actually I’m standing in the spotlight but for me when I was younger I would
but for me when I was younger I would
but for me when I was younger I would actually move away from the spotlight
actually move away from the spotlight
actually move away from the spotlight all the time
all the time
all the time it took me a long time to be comfortable
it took me a long time to be comfortable
it took me a long time to be comfortable with my body is saying that you’re okay
with my body is saying that you’re okay
with my body is saying that you’re okay the illness you have is not a problem to
the illness you have is not a problem to
the illness you have is not a problem to anybody else it’s just your own problem
anybody else it’s just your own problem
anybody else it’s just your own problem you can deal with it and you can deal
you can deal with it and you can deal
you can deal with it and you can deal with it in different ways and you can
with it in different ways and you can
with it in different ways and you can take it ahead so my whole year so
take it ahead so my whole year so
take it ahead so my whole year so basically my when I was starting my high
basically my when I was starting my high
basically my when I was starting my high school it was traumatic because I was
school it was traumatic because I was
school it was traumatic because I was called names because of my body time but
called names because of my body time but
called names because of my body time but also because I was still I was slightly
also because I was still I was slightly
also because I was still I was slightly effeminate I’m not saying I was womanly
effeminate I’m not saying I was womanly
effeminate I’m not saying I was womanly but happy minute so there is like
but happy minute so there is like
but happy minute so there is like teasing words people call you a head
teasing words people call you a head
teasing words people call you a head nigga a hater da Wamba though I’m at
nigga a hater da Wamba though I’m at
nigga a hater da Wamba though I’m at this various words people call you and I
this various words people call you and I
this various words people call you and I don’t even know at that point I’m what
don’t even know at that point I’m what
don’t even know at that point I’m what it was why am I being called this I’m
it was why am I being called this I’m
it was why am I being called this I’m just a quote-unquote normal young kid
just a quote-unquote normal young kid
just a quote-unquote normal young kid and while these people calling me this
and while these people calling me this
and while these people calling me this for me that was a great period of
for me that was a great period of
for me that was a great period of confusion and from Mandy I’m in a mood
confusion and from Mandy I’m in a mood
confusion and from Mandy I’m in a mood sorry when a mood – or basically an idk
sorry when a mood – or basically an idk
sorry when a mood – or basically an idk for me it was again a place where I was
for me it was again a place where I was
for me it was again a place where I was put in a hostel alone with this whole
put in a hostel alone with this whole
put in a hostel alone with this whole confusion in my mind about myself now I
confusion in my mind about myself now I
confusion in my mind about myself now I just wanna kind of share a small I did
just wanna kind of share a small I did
just wanna kind of share a small I did write the idea that one of time I don’t
write the idea that one of time I don’t
write the idea that one of time I don’t know how many of you write Diaries I
know how many of you write Diaries I
know how many of you write Diaries I just kind of discovered my old diary
just kind of discovered my old diary
just kind of discovered my old diary because I was coming back when I TK and
because I was coming back when I TK and
because I was coming back when I TK and it kind of reminded me there’s Diaries
it kind of reminded me there’s Diaries
it kind of reminded me there’s Diaries let me see what was there in the diary
let me see what was there in the diary
let me see what was there in the diary and for me it was extremely traumatic to
and for me it was extremely traumatic to
and for me it was extremely traumatic to find even to myself now today what I had
find even to myself now today what I had
find even to myself now today what I had written that time I’m just reading you a
written that time I’m just reading you a
written that time I’m just reading you a small excerpts from that I was 20 years
small excerpts from that I was 20 years
small excerpts from that I was 20 years old April 21 1982 a return in the NIT K
old April 21 1982 a return in the NIT K
old April 21 1982 a return in the NIT K I just don’t know why I have these
I just don’t know why I have these
I just don’t know why I have these feelings I don’t know what’s wrong with
feelings I don’t know what’s wrong with
feelings I don’t know what’s wrong with me or is it a normal feeling of growing
me or is it a normal feeling of growing
me or is it a normal feeling of growing up every teenagers I’m utterly confused
up every teenagers I’m utterly confused
up every teenagers I’m utterly confused I want to control these feelings but I
I want to control these feelings but I
I want to control these feelings but I can’t this was April 21 18 1982 then
can’t this was April 21 18 1982 then
can’t this was April 21 18 1982 then again one more April 29 1982
again one more April 29 1982
again one more April 29 1982 I don’t know whom to talk to yes I have
I don’t know whom to talk to yes I have
I don’t know whom to talk to yes I have a lot of friends but no one I can call
a lot of friends but no one I can call
a lot of friends but no one I can call my bosom pal no one understands me
my bosom pal no one understands me
my bosom pal no one understands me neither here nor at home all alone in
neither here nor at home all alone in
neither here nor at home all alone in this world unwanted by everyone please
this world unwanted by everyone please
this world unwanted by everyone please God help me Aloha God came in anyway May
God help me Aloha God came in anyway May
God help me Aloha God came in anyway May 16 1982 a couple of months later I feel
16 1982 a couple of months later I feel
16 1982 a couple of months later I feel and without any friends in the daytime
and without any friends in the daytime
and without any friends in the daytime when I mean others I put up a facade of
when I mean others I put up a facade of
when I mean others I put up a facade of happiness but my not alone
happiness but my not alone
happiness but my not alone I feel so unhappy that I feel like
I feel so unhappy that I feel like
I feel so unhappy that I feel like crying out I feel totally helpless now
crying out I feel totally helpless now
crying out I feel totally helpless now these were writings which I just
these were writings which I just
these were writings which I just discovered at that point I’m what I was
discovered at that point I’m what I was
discovered at that point I’m what I was going through and I know that it’s just
going through and I know that it’s just
going through and I know that it’s just not me perhaps a lot of youngsters do go
not me perhaps a lot of youngsters do go
not me perhaps a lot of youngsters do go through similar issues not just because
through similar issues not just because
through similar issues not just because of sexuality perhaps it could be diverse
of sexuality perhaps it could be diverse
of sexuality perhaps it could be diverse issues whether it’s a body type whether
issues whether it’s a body type whether
issues whether it’s a body type whether you’re coming from a certain what you
you’re coming from a certain what you
you’re coming from a certain what you call economic status but I think a lot
call economic status but I think a lot
call economic status but I think a lot of people do battle and it’s definitely
of people do battle and it’s definitely
of people do battle and it’s definitely extremely complicated for you to come to
extremely complicated for you to come to
extremely complicated for you to come to terms with that and usually it’s not the
terms with that and usually it’s not the
terms with that and usually it’s not the problem with the people around you they
problem with the people around you they
problem with the people around you they don’t know your problem the problem is
don’t know your problem the problem is
don’t know your problem the problem is you don’t speak out I mean the way of
you don’t speak out I mean the way of
you don’t speak out I mean the way of return like I didn’t want to speak about
return like I didn’t want to speak about
return like I didn’t want to speak about the problem they were friends maybe if
the problem they were friends maybe if
the problem they were friends maybe if I’d spoken about my sexuality that I do
I’d spoken about my sexuality that I do
I’d spoken about my sexuality that I do get attracted to men I have some people
get attracted to men I have some people
get attracted to men I have some people who understood but I never spoke about
who understood but I never spoke about
who understood but I never spoke about it because again remember it’s 1979 24
it because again remember it’s 1979 24
it because again remember it’s 1979 24 no internet no computers no information
no internet no computers no information
no internet no computers no information no books nothing so I didn’t even know
no books nothing so I didn’t even know
no books nothing so I didn’t even know what I was feeling within me was normal
what I was feeling within me was normal
what I was feeling within me was normal natural I looked it up there’s only
natural I looked it up there’s only
natural I looked it up there’s only medical dictionaries used to be there
medical dictionaries used to be there
medical dictionaries used to be there which didn’t give you a proper
which didn’t give you a proper
which didn’t give you a proper definition at that point of time so for
definition at that point of time so for
definition at that point of time so for me the five years of n idk was
me the five years of n idk was
me the five years of n idk was definitely a great period of confusion
definitely a great period of confusion
definitely a great period of confusion but the fact is that I made a lot of
but the fact is that I made a lot of
but the fact is that I made a lot of friends friends made me come to be
friends friends made me come to be
friends friends made me come to be comfortable with myself not in terms of
comfortable with myself not in terms of
comfortable with myself not in terms of sexuality but me as a person me as an
sexuality but me as a person me as an
sexuality but me as a person me as an electrical engineer our somebody who
electrical engineer our somebody who
electrical engineer our somebody who achieved I actually started drawing so I
achieved I actually started drawing so I
achieved I actually started drawing so I became a good artist so that was
became a good artist so that was
became a good artist so that was something good so I did a lot of things
something good so I did a lot of things
something good so I did a lot of things which perhaps otherwise I would have
which perhaps otherwise I would have
which perhaps otherwise I would have done I did try to go and play cricket
done I did try to go and play cricket
done I did try to go and play cricket trying to prove my manliness
trying to prove my manliness
trying to prove my manliness really bad at cricket and I try to do
really bad at cricket and I try to do
really bad at cricket and I try to do very something I used to kind of play
very something I used to kind of play
very something I used to kind of play cards with people talk dirty talk and I
cards with people talk dirty talk and I
cards with people talk dirty talk and I mean with AUP friend of mine I would
mean with AUP friend of mine I would
mean with AUP friend of mine I would actually use all these bad words because
actually use all these bad words because
actually use all these bad words because I thought that’s very cool to do that in
I thought that’s very cool to do that in
I thought that’s very cool to do that in terms of you know maybe my sir I mean
terms of you know maybe my sir I mean
terms of you know maybe my sir I mean that was not me but you just go with the
that was not me but you just go with the
that was not me but you just go with the flow and try to do that I even dated a
flow and try to do that I even dated a
flow and try to do that I even dated a girl yes you have to not in an article
girl yes you have to not in an article
girl yes you have to not in an article there were only at that time in Iraq
there were only at that time in Iraq
there were only at that time in Iraq Takei the only I think for girls that’s
Takei the only I think for girls that’s
Takei the only I think for girls that’s all so I was dating somebody from my
all so I was dating somebody from my
all so I was dating somebody from my hometown actually and then when it came
hometown actually and then when it came
hometown actually and then when it came a bit serious that I said this is not me
a bit serious that I said this is not me
a bit serious that I said this is not me something about me so I just want to say
something about me so I just want to say
something about me so I just want to say that like I am that’s one more thing I
that like I am that’s one more thing I
that like I am that’s one more thing I did my engineering a password good
did my engineering a password good
did my engineering a password good grades I’m proud to be an NIT Keon but
grades I’m proud to be an NIT Keon but
grades I’m proud to be an NIT Keon but then again something was happening there
then again something was happening there
then again something was happening there why did I join an idk because at that
why did I join an idk because at that
why did I join an idk because at that point of time every time Bram chameleon
point of time every time Bram chameleon
point of time every time Bram chameleon Brahman has to join either engineering
Brahman has to join either engineering
Brahman has to join either engineering or medicine there’s no two ways about it
or medicine there’s no two ways about it
or medicine there’s no two ways about it your father mother tells you to do that
your father mother tells you to do that
your father mother tells you to do that because you’ll get a good wife at the
because you’ll get a good wife at the
because you’ll get a good wife at the end of the day so you have to just go
end of the day so you have to just go
end of the day so you have to just go through this so I was kind of went
through this so I was kind of went
through this so I was kind of went through this whole thing but my heart
through this whole thing but my heart
through this whole thing but my heart was not there so in between as I said I
was not there so in between as I said I
was not there so in between as I said I started sketching and have tried to
started sketching and have tried to
started sketching and have tried to explore that and suddenly I applied to
explore that and suddenly I applied to
explore that and suddenly I applied to IIT now that is a course in visual
IIT now that is a course in visual
IIT now that is a course in visual communication in visual design okay
communication in visual design okay
communication in visual design okay master of design so it was completely
master of design so it was completely
master of design so it was completely different from anything which I was
different from anything which I was
different from anything which I was doing but I just thought let me try and
doing but I just thought let me try and
doing but I just thought let me try and it is a course where they took two
it is a course where they took two
it is a course where they took two engineers to architect two commercial
engineers to architect two commercial
engineers to architect two commercial artists and two fine artists and put
artists and two fine artists and put
artists and two fine artists and put them together to learn design so very
them together to learn design so very
them together to learn design so very interesting process I mean the you would
interesting process I mean the you would
interesting process I mean the you would know perhaps like how it all works up
know perhaps like how it all works up
know perhaps like how it all works up because he’s from an ID so this was a
because he’s from an ID so this was a
because he’s from an ID so this was a process where it kind of brought in my
process where it kind of brought in my
process where it kind of brought in my entire view and actually also I think
entire view and actually also I think
entire view and actually also I think for me going from NIT K to Bombay at
for me going from NIT K to Bombay at
for me going from NIT K to Bombay at that point still Bombay Bombay was a
that point still Bombay Bombay was a
that point still Bombay Bombay was a great leap because it offered me a
great leap because it offered me a
great leap because it offered me a certain anonymity in a big city which a
certain anonymity in a big city which a
certain anonymity in a big city which a lot of gay men and lesbian women have
lot of gay men and lesbian women have
lot of gay men and lesbian women have done migrated from the small towns and
done migrated from the small towns and
done migrated from the small towns and villages to a bigger city where they
villages to a bigger city where they
villages to a bigger city where they kind of get lost in the whole bigger
kind of get lost in the whole bigger
kind of get lost in the whole bigger space and they can be who they want to
space and they can be who they want to
space and they can be who they want to be so when I went you
be so when I went you
be so when I went you IIT again two years of IIT was extremely
IIT again two years of IIT was extremely
IIT again two years of IIT was extremely comfortable but never spoke about
comfortable but never spoke about
comfortable but never spoke about sexuality I did have sexual relationship
sexuality I did have sexual relationship
sexuality I did have sexual relationship but never talked about it when people
but never talked about it when people
but never talked about it when people talk to me I would say I don’t know I’m
talk to me I would say I don’t know I’m
talk to me I would say I don’t know I’m straight and after even IIT actually I
straight and after even IIT actually I
straight and after even IIT actually I went through almost two years with a
went through almost two years with a
went through almost two years with a friend of mine who was a classmate who
friend of mine who was a classmate who
friend of mine who was a classmate who was gay too and I never came out to him
was gay too and I never came out to him
was gay too and I never came out to him so uh so yeah so I passed out of 1886
so uh so yeah so I passed out of 1886
so uh so yeah so I passed out of 1886 and I want to go abroad because again
and I want to go abroad because again
and I want to go abroad because again that’s the whole point is like everybody
that’s the whole point is like everybody
that’s the whole point is like everybody wants to go abroad for me as a gay man
wants to go abroad for me as a gay man
wants to go abroad for me as a gay man at that one time was very important to
at that one time was very important to
at that one time was very important to escape and I dreamed of San Francisco I
escape and I dreamed of San Francisco I
escape and I dreamed of San Francisco I said that’s perhaps the way to go where
said that’s perhaps the way to go where
said that’s perhaps the way to go where I can be my gay self completely now by
I can be my gay self completely now by
I can be my gay self completely now by then what has happened something very
then what has happened something very
then what has happened something very important happened in once a pastor out
important happened in once a pastor out
important happened in once a pastor out of iid 1990 with this friend of mine
of iid 1990 with this friend of mine
of iid 1990 with this friend of mine they brought out the India’s first gay
they brought out the India’s first gay
they brought out the India’s first gay magazine called Bombay toast
magazine called Bombay toast
magazine called Bombay toast the Bombay those was for me a life
the Bombay those was for me a life
the Bombay those was for me a life turner till then as I said like I was
turner till then as I said like I was
turner till then as I said like I was having this sexual encounters in private
having this sexual encounters in private
having this sexual encounters in private very scared very afraid
very scared very afraid
very scared very afraid when I saw Bombay those it was talking
when I saw Bombay those it was talking
when I saw Bombay those it was talking about sexuality publicly I in a magazine
about sexuality publicly I in a magazine
about sexuality publicly I in a magazine in print and for me I I said what is
in print and for me I I said what is
in print and for me I I said what is this rubbish magazine I threw it out but
this rubbish magazine I threw it out but
this rubbish magazine I threw it out but I then took it back from my friend again
I then took it back from my friend again
I then took it back from my friend again I read it 16 15 times and I realized
I read it 16 15 times and I realized
I read it 16 15 times and I realized that my personal is my political now
that my personal is my political now
that my personal is my political now that I have to care of whatever I’m
that I have to care of whatever I’m
that I have to care of whatever I’m feeling within me I have to talk about
feeling within me I have to talk about
feeling within me I have to talk about it but not just talk about it but also
it but not just talk about it but also
it but not just talk about it but also perhaps put that idea out so that’s
perhaps put that idea out so that’s
perhaps put that idea out so that’s people somewhere out there can
people somewhere out there can
people somewhere out there can understand that they’re not alone now I
understand that they’re not alone now I
understand that they’re not alone now I actually bomberos had this whole pen pal
actually bomberos had this whole pen pal
actually bomberos had this whole pen pal column called push cut which somebody
column called push cut which somebody
column called push cut which somebody would like a pen pal column and it would
would like a pen pal column and it would
would like a pen pal column and it would take sometimes six months for you to get
take sometimes six months for you to get
take sometimes six months for you to get a reply so somebody in Arunachal Pradesh
a reply so somebody in Arunachal Pradesh
a reply so somebody in Arunachal Pradesh would write a letter to somebody in
would write a letter to somebody in
would write a letter to somebody in Bombay and the Bombay person would
Bombay and the Bombay person would
Bombay and the Bombay person would actually send it to Bombay dose and we
actually send it to Bombay dose and we
actually send it to Bombay dose and we would kind of change the letter and send
would kind of change the letter and send
would kind of change the letter and send it back it would take six months but the
it back it would take six months but the
it back it would take six months but the point is you know that somebody in
point is you know that somebody in
point is you know that somebody in Arunachal Pradesh is gay and he requires
Arunachal Pradesh is gay and he requires
Arunachal Pradesh is gay and he requires your support so for me that became the
your support so for me that became the
your support so for me that became the whole idea that like
whole idea that like
whole idea that like working for Barbados and then working
working for Barbados and then working
working for Barbados and then working for hamsa for trust which we started in
for hamsa for trust which we started in
for hamsa for trust which we started in 1994 which is the first NGO working for
1994 which is the first NGO working for
1994 which is the first NGO working for LGBT rights so that is the time when I
LGBT rights so that is the time when I
LGBT rights so that is the time when I started becoming comfortable with my
started becoming comfortable with my
started becoming comfortable with my sexuality I said this is me now it’s
sexuality I said this is me now it’s
sexuality I said this is me now it’s always very tough when you actually look
always very tough when you actually look
always very tough when you actually look in the mirror and for the first time you
in the mirror and for the first time you
in the mirror and for the first time you say I’m gay I’m not going to talk I mean
say I’m gay I’m not going to talk I mean
say I’m gay I’m not going to talk I mean I’m not gonna hide this ever from you
I’m not gonna hide this ever from you
I’m not gonna hide this ever from you anybody and that’s a tough moment for
anybody and that’s a tough moment for
anybody and that’s a tough moment for any young person and it takes a lot of
any young person and it takes a lot of
any young person and it takes a lot of time I think more than time it takes a
time I think more than time it takes a
time I think more than time it takes a lot of people around you to make it
lot of people around you to make it
lot of people around you to make it happen people who love you for me I
happen people who love you for me I
happen people who love you for me I found that supposed to excel in Bombay
found that supposed to excel in Bombay
found that supposed to excel in Bombay and that’s when I could actually say
and that’s when I could actually say
and that’s when I could actually say that yes I am when I say proud of what
that yes I am when I say proud of what
that yes I am when I say proud of what is problem okay let’s define that why
is problem okay let’s define that why
is problem okay let’s define that why this why you have to be proud of
this why you have to be proud of
this why you have to be proud of sexuality a lot of people ask me it’s my
sexuality a lot of people ask me it’s my
sexuality a lot of people ask me it’s my karate karate you know Meredith Ibarra
karate karate you know Meredith Ibarra
karate karate you know Meredith Ibarra taking my couch upon an HR tahoe I don’t
taking my couch upon an HR tahoe I don’t
taking my couch upon an HR tahoe I don’t want to hide this anymore is my pride
want to hide this anymore is my pride
want to hide this anymore is my pride that it’s just one part of my overall
that it’s just one part of my overall
that it’s just one part of my overall existence I’m talking about NIT ki ITN
existence I’m talking about NIT ki ITN
existence I’m talking about NIT ki ITN it’s part of just that whole thing and
it’s part of just that whole thing and
it’s part of just that whole thing and I’m not going to be ashamed of that one
I’m not going to be ashamed of that one
I’m not going to be ashamed of that one part of me it’s not the overall thing
part of me it’s not the overall thing
part of me it’s not the overall thing don’t think that gay men always think
don’t think that gay men always think
don’t think that gay men always think about sex and have sex all the time no
about sex and have sex all the time no
about sex and have sex all the time no they also are they go to office they
they also are they go to office they
they also are they go to office they work in banks they are engineers they I
work in banks they are engineers they I
work in banks they are engineers they I mean they do all kinds of jobs
mean they do all kinds of jobs
mean they do all kinds of jobs everywhere gay lesbian people but like
everywhere gay lesbian people but like
everywhere gay lesbian people but like the mentality of society is the fact
the mentality of society is the fact
the mentality of society is the fact that it’s just sexuality is the only top
that it’s just sexuality is the only top
that it’s just sexuality is the only top layer well I mean in the sense that like
layer well I mean in the sense that like
layer well I mean in the sense that like I did assume that as a layer later on so
I did assume that as a layer later on so
I did assume that as a layer later on so once I became comfortable with sexuality
once I became comfortable with sexuality
once I became comfortable with sexuality I also decided that like I need to now
I also decided that like I need to now
I also decided that like I need to now look at how do I use the sexuality so
look at how do I use the sexuality so
look at how do I use the sexuality so after I pass were from IIT actually I
after I pass were from IIT actually I
after I pass were from IIT actually I started dabbling in television so I
started dabbling in television so I
started dabbling in television so I worked with couple of film makers and
worked with couple of film makers and
worked with couple of film makers and then actually I did my own independent
then actually I did my own independent
then actually I did my own independent television programs which are basically
television programs which are basically
television programs which are basically heterosexual romances boy meets girl all
heterosexual romances boy meets girl all
heterosexual romances boy meets girl all beautiful so I did that for three years
beautiful so I did that for three years
beautiful so I did that for three years another you know reached a good bar a
another you know reached a good bar a
another you know reached a good bar a krishna are june lots of cereals
krishna are june lots of cereals
krishna are june lots of cereals mainstream work very very good paying it
mainstream work very very good paying it
mainstream work very very good paying it paid well it brought me Awards but the
paid well it brought me Awards but the
paid well it brought me Awards but the fact is I was not happy because my
fact is I was not happy because my
fact is I was not happy because my community didn’t have a voice and at one
community didn’t have a voice and at one
community didn’t have a voice and at one time our stories were not to be told so
time our stories were not to be told so
time our stories were not to be told so when I approached a channel I said like
when I approached a channel I said like
when I approached a channel I said like ha Murray
ha Murray
ha Murray beautiful gay love story here they said
beautiful gay love story here they said
beautiful gay love story here they said no nothing doing we are family audiences
no nothing doing we are family audiences
no nothing doing we are family audiences we cannot have such stories so ok Beach
we cannot have such stories so ok Beach
we cannot have such stories so ok Beach so so we I got a quick television we
so so we I got a quick television we
so so we I got a quick television we started my own production company with
started my own production company with
started my own production company with my partner Sagar Gupta ok in the
my partner Sagar Gupta ok in the
my partner Sagar Gupta ok in the meanwhile I’d met my boyfriend so on the
meanwhile I’d met my boyfriend so on the
meanwhile I’d met my boyfriend so on the streets so at that point of time yeah so
streets so at that point of time yeah so
streets so at that point of time yeah so at that point of time there’s no dating
at that point of time there’s no dating
at that point of time there’s no dating apps and all that so it used to be was
apps and all that so it used to be was
apps and all that so it used to be was called cruising so you actually meet
called cruising so you actually meet
called cruising so you actually meet people on the street or in the park or
people on the street or in the park or
people on the street or in the park or wherever so I actually meet my boyfriend
wherever so I actually meet my boyfriend
wherever so I actually meet my boyfriend on the street and we fell in love that
on the street and we fell in love that
on the street and we fell in love that is surprising and we’ve been together
is surprising and we’ve been together
is surprising and we’ve been together for the last 23 years so yeah that’s
for the last 23 years so yeah that’s
for the last 23 years so yeah that’s like so it happened and my cement sagas
like so it happened and my cement sagas
like so it happened and my cement sagas set up the production company we made a
set up the production company we made a
set up the production company we made a film we made a first film called pink
film we made a first film called pink
film we made a first film called pink mirror which got banned in India
mirror which got banned in India
mirror which got banned in India immediately I met by the censor board
immediately I met by the censor board
immediately I met by the censor board you know the sense of what how it is so
you know the sense of what how it is so
you know the sense of what how it is so so evil to the Bandit and they said this
so evil to the Bandit and they said this
so evil to the Bandit and they said this film is vulgar and offensive ok and you
film is vulgar and offensive ok and you
film is vulgar and offensive ok and you don’t have an empathy for the community
don’t have an empathy for the community
don’t have an empathy for the community and everyone I’m from the community I
and everyone I’m from the community I
and everyone I’m from the community I know what the community is about but the
know what the community is about but the
know what the community is about but the point is that film the none of the
point is that film the none of the
point is that film the none of the characters apologize for who they were
characters apologize for who they were
characters apologize for who they were they were happy and gay and that’s the
they were happy and gay and that’s the
they were happy and gay and that’s the sense of what whom take because you
sense of what whom take because you
sense of what whom take because you can’t have happy gay men or happy
can’t have happy gay men or happy
can’t have happy gay men or happy lesbian women they have to be crying
lesbian women they have to be crying
lesbian women they have to be crying they have to say God why did you make me
they have to say God why did you make me
they have to say God why did you make me this so that is the thing and that’s my
this so that is the thing and that’s my
this so that is the thing and that’s my first film and then after that I made
first film and then after that I made
first film and then after that I made many films I’m not getting you get into
many films I’m not getting you get into
many films I’m not getting you get into that but started using LGBT themes in
that but started using LGBT themes in
that but started using LGBT themes in the work we do it’s important that like
the work we do it’s important that like
the work we do it’s important that like it’s extremely challenging to find money
it’s extremely challenging to find money
it’s extremely challenging to find money resources even after you make the film
resources even after you make the film
resources even after you make the film how do you reach it out it’s challenging
how do you reach it out it’s challenging
how do you reach it out it’s challenging but that’s the thing we wanted to do so
but that’s the thing we wanted to do so
but that’s the thing we wanted to do so yeah
yeah
yeah proud of me being a gift filmmaker that
proud of me being a gift filmmaker that
proud of me being a gift filmmaker that took some time so when I made my first
took some time so when I made my first
took some time so when I made my first film and actually I started giving
film and actually I started giving
film and actually I started giving interviews my mother said ok you’re a
interviews my mother said ok you’re a
interviews my mother said ok you’re a filmmaker but then I started giving
filmmaker but then I started giving
filmmaker but then I started giving interviews that I make a filmmaker my
interviews that I make a filmmaker my
interviews that I make a filmmaker my mother was very upset so she said like
mother was very upset so she said like
mother was very upset so she said like many a concave rmit care you can talk
many a concave rmit care you can talk
many a concave rmit care you can talk about it but you can’t be talking about
about it but you can’t be talking about
about it but you can’t be talking about being gay and then after a couple of
being gay and then after a couple of
being gay and then after a couple of years I started saying I’m a homosexual
years I started saying I’m a homosexual
years I started saying I’m a homosexual and that is a big bad word being gay
and that is a big bad word being gay
and that is a big bad word being gay still seen as a western lifestyle you
still seen as a western lifestyle you
still seen as a western lifestyle you can kind of it’s ok
can kind of it’s ok
can kind of it’s ok John Abram and Abhishek Bachchan are gay
John Abram and Abhishek Bachchan are gay
John Abram and Abhishek Bachchan are gay that’s fine
that’s fine
that’s fine but when users were homosexual that
but when users were homosexual that
but when users were homosexual that underlines the whole thing and that bit
underlines the whole thing and that bit
underlines the whole thing and that bit complicates the matter so yeah so it’d
complicates the matter so yeah so it’d
complicates the matter so yeah so it’d been a long journey I came out of my
been a long journey I came out of my
been a long journey I came out of my mother
mother
mother during the same time and it’s almost
during the same time and it’s almost
during the same time and it’s almost been almost 22 years of conversation
been almost 22 years of conversation
been almost 22 years of conversation from my mother conversations never end
from my mother conversations never end
from my mother conversations never end I’m sure that it’s not about sexuality I
I’m sure that it’s not about sexuality I
I’m sure that it’s not about sexuality I think conversation and mother’s never
think conversation and mother’s never
think conversation and mother’s never end I mean they keep going on they ask
end I mean they keep going on they ask
end I mean they keep going on they ask you all kinds of personal details at the
you all kinds of personal details at the
you all kinds of personal details at the wrong time
wrong time
wrong time they ask you these things okay but so
they ask you these things okay but so
they ask you these things okay but so now then I succumbed I went with my
now then I succumbed I went with my
now then I succumbed I went with my films to a lot of festivals but then I
films to a lot of festivals but then I
films to a lot of festivals but then I said like where is the festival in India
said like where is the festival in India
said like where is the festival in India which does LGBT films so we started
which does LGBT films so we started
which does LGBT films so we started kashish Film Festival which is like
kashish Film Festival which is like
kashish Film Festival which is like India’s first mainstream film festival
India’s first mainstream film festival
India’s first mainstream film festival we do it in theaters now we do 2200
we do it in theaters now we do 2200
we do it in theaters now we do 2200 seater Liberty cinema and that’s really
seater Liberty cinema and that’s really
seater Liberty cinema and that’s really feeling for all of us it’s not just
feeling for all of us it’s not just
feeling for all of us it’s not just about doing a film festival but being a
about doing a film festival but being a
about doing a film festival but being a space where you can empower people
space where you can empower people
space where you can empower people people feel comfortable people come in
people feel comfortable people come in
people feel comfortable people come in all kinds of fancy costumes people can
all kinds of fancy costumes people can
all kinds of fancy costumes people can talk what they want to do and it’s not
talk what they want to do and it’s not
talk what they want to do and it’s not just gay LGBT people 30% of our audience
just gay LGBT people 30% of our audience
just gay LGBT people 30% of our audience is normal gvt and they intermingle with
is normal gvt and they intermingle with
is normal gvt and they intermingle with LGBTQ and they realize that these people
LGBTQ and they realize that these people
LGBTQ and they realize that these people do not have horns or tails and they’re
do not have horns or tails and they’re
do not have horns or tails and they’re just normal people all right it’s
just normal people all right it’s
just normal people all right it’s America about you may I see quiz right I
America about you may I see quiz right I
America about you may I see quiz right I you know so that’s a kind of Randall I
you know so that’s a kind of Randall I
you know so that’s a kind of Randall I silicone lesbian for Melania yeah
silicone lesbian for Melania yeah
silicone lesbian for Melania yeah there’s been th are a potential Escobar
there’s been th are a potential Escobar
there’s been th are a potential Escobar away
away
away so I think that space is what we try to
so I think that space is what we try to
so I think that space is what we try to create and people have extremely
create and people have extremely
create and people have extremely comfortable
comfortable
comfortable we have almost like a 17% of student
we have almost like a 17% of student
we have almost like a 17% of student population coming to the festival it’s a
population coming to the festival it’s a
population coming to the festival it’s a iOpener for them so it’s been a very
iOpener for them so it’s been a very
iOpener for them so it’s been a very interesting journey I’m proud of being a
interesting journey I’m proud of being a
interesting journey I’m proud of being a festival director but I think most
festival director but I think most
festival director but I think most important was being proud of it Indian
important was being proud of it Indian
important was being proud of it Indian the moment came when my film breaking
the moment came when my film breaking
the moment came when my film breaking free won the National Award and I went
free won the National Award and I went
free won the National Award and I went to
so I received the award at the hands of
so I received the award at the hands of the president for me
the president for me
the president for me that was a moment it was an absolutely
that was a moment it was an absolutely
that was a moment it was an absolutely breaking free is a gay film about
breaking free is a gay film about
breaking free is a gay film about section 377 and the violence it does to
section 377 and the violence it does to
section 377 and the violence it does to LGBT community very hard-hitting very
LGBT community very hard-hitting very
LGBT community very hard-hitting very face on but the jury liked it and the
face on but the jury liked it and the
face on but the jury liked it and the despite being the government which is
despite being the government which is
despite being the government which is they were giving LGBT Film Award and for
they were giving LGBT Film Award and for
they were giving LGBT Film Award and for me little big things so I took my mother
me little big things so I took my mother
me little big things so I took my mother my sister-in-law my brother the entire
my sister-in-law my brother the entire
my sister-in-law my brother the entire family I took them they were all very
family I took them they were all very
family I took them they were all very happy at the whole being there and
happy at the whole being there and
happy at the whole being there and seeing me receive the award happy moment
seeing me receive the award happy moment
seeing me receive the award happy moment after one year after that my mother said
after one year after that my mother said
after one year after that my mother said show me the film so I said baba is
show me the film so I said baba is
show me the film so I said baba is really not for you let’s not do this
really not for you let’s not do this
really not for you let’s not do this film no no I’ve seen you earlier films
film no no I’ve seen you earlier films
film no no I’ve seen you earlier films let me show this then after much Carolyn
let me show this then after much Carolyn
let me show this then after much Carolyn I happen to show the film to her and
I happen to show the film to her and
I happen to show the film to her and then unfortunately next day a to leave
then unfortunately next day a to leave
then unfortunately next day a to leave and then I got a call from my brother
and then I got a call from my brother
and then I got a call from my brother ten days she’s been crying why Streeter
ten days she’s been crying why Streeter
ten days she’s been crying why Streeter has to do this film and also I’m in the
has to do this film and also I’m in the
has to do this film and also I’m in the film as a gay man that is more
film as a gay man that is more
film as a gay man that is more problematic so for me as I said
problematic so for me as I said
problematic so for me as I said conversations mom never ended that happy
conversations mom never ended that happy
conversations mom never ended that happy proud moment were receiving from the
proud moment were receiving from the
proud moment were receiving from the president is all fine but receiving for
president is all fine but receiving for
president is all fine but receiving for a ke film is a problem still you know so
a ke film is a problem still you know so
a ke film is a problem still you know so this was it and then I think my other
this was it and then I think my other
this was it and then I think my other next moment which has really made me
next moment which has really made me
next moment which has really made me more proud was like meeting as I said
more proud was like meeting as I said
more proud was like meeting as I said they probably Indian but I think being
they probably Indian but I think being
they probably Indian but I think being myself I think for me that’s the most
myself I think for me that’s the most
myself I think for me that’s the most crucial that like all these layers which
crucial that like all these layers which
crucial that like all these layers which are talked about I mean I’m talking with
are talked about I mean I’m talking with
are talked about I mean I’m talking with Bodhi sexuality ni TK IIT filmmaker
Bodhi sexuality ni TK IIT filmmaker
Bodhi sexuality ni TK IIT filmmaker festival director all these are me
festival director all these are me
festival director all these are me intrinsically that’s who I am that’s the
intrinsically that’s who I am that’s the
intrinsically that’s who I am that’s the same person who was so frightened in NI
same person who was so frightened in NI
same person who was so frightened in NI TK is sitting in the corner not even
TK is sitting in the corner not even
TK is sitting in the corner not even opening his doors sometimes for two days
opening his doors sometimes for two days
opening his doors sometimes for two days not going out to eat in the mess but
not going out to eat in the mess but
not going out to eat in the mess but that person I think I don’t know what
that person I think I don’t know what
that person I think I don’t know what change I mean I really don’t know I mean
change I mean I really don’t know I mean
change I mean I really don’t know I mean where it changed I think the change
where it changed I think the change
where it changed I think the change happened as you said I think all of us
happened as you said I think all of us
happened as you said I think all of us can make the change within ourselves
can make the change within ourselves
can make the change within ourselves look at the mirror and say I accept
look at the mirror and say I accept
look at the mirror and say I accept myself in the way I am I’m proud of
myself in the way I am I’m proud of
myself in the way I am I’m proud of being Who I am so that’s the journey
being Who I am so that’s the journey
being Who I am so that’s the journey which I just want to share but again I
which I just want to share but again I
which I just want to share but again I think more important is don’t just be
think more important is don’t just be
think more important is don’t just be proud of the goal be proud of the
proud of the goal be proud of the
proud of the goal be proud of the journey I think all of you youngsters
journey I think all of you youngsters
journey I think all of you youngsters are a long wait
are a long wait
are a long wait you will have multiple identities I’m
you will have multiple identities I’m
you will have multiple identities I’m not saying sexuality but multiple
not saying sexuality but multiple
not saying sexuality but multiple identities as persons father mother
identities as persons father mother
identities as persons father mother brother as scientists as mathematicians
brother as scientists as mathematicians
brother as scientists as mathematicians so try to see how we can take all these
so try to see how we can take all these
so try to see how we can take all these identities together and make it a really
identities together and make it a really
identities together and make it a really the wonderful happy journey thank you so
the wonderful happy journey thank you so
the wonderful happy journey thank you so much
much
much [Applause]
”
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